


Please Stay (I Loved You In The Darkness)

by CarasaurusWrex



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Sex, Angel Headcanon, Angst, Badass Castiel, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Casifer, Coming Out, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Demon Dean Winchester, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Everyone Thinks They're Together, Family Feels, First Time Blow Jobs, Fix-It, Fluff, Happy Ending, Healing, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Light Bondage, M/M, Mark of Cain, Mentions of rape in Hell, Novel, Oral Sex, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Pansexual Castiel (Supernatural), Purgatory Flashback, Sam Deserves to be Happy, Samleen, Self-Doubt, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Spoilers, Supportive Sam, Switching, Temporary Character Death, Top Castiel, Top Dean, lore headcanon, mythology headcanon, team everyone switches forever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2018-10-10 10:02:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 162,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10435260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarasaurusWrex/pseuds/CarasaurusWrex
Summary: Dean looked at Cas and saw the pain on his face. He shouldn't have asked him to leave. Cas got up and turned to walk away but not before Dean caught his arm. His angel turned and looked at him with a Cas-style head-tilt. Dean couldn't help himself, he took his hand in both of his. "Please... Stay," he muttered.Join Dean and Cas as they navigate a budding relationship and watch it turn into something more. This is a Destiel headcanon that "fixes" seasons 10-13 by adding additional plot and writing Castiel into existing plot.How will our boys' relationship survive the Mark of Cain? Lucifer? Mary? The spawn of Satan?Note: spoilers through season 13!Chapter 50 is up!!!





	1. Soul Survivor

**Author's Note:**

> What would have happened if Dean had actually asked Cas to stay at the bunker with him in season 9? Would they have had time to get their heads out of their asses and actually admit feelings? How would Cas's presence at the bunker have affected the Mark of Cain? How would the Amara stuff had gone down? What about Dean's relationship with Mary? We all know that season 12 was Destiel AF but what if that shit could have started sooner?
> 
> Please note that although this story is dependent on Cas staying at the bunker in season 9, it doesn't actually start until season 10. I just really really needed a reason for him to be there during all of this and I honestly believe that if he had stayed in the show, SOMETHING would have happened between them. Keep in mind that MOST of this was written before season 13 premiered. Hell, a large chunk was written before S12 even finished. So it is a bit canon divergent towards the end.
> 
> Please enjoy the toot-rotting fluff, gratuitous smut, and overabundance of angst that is my story! <3
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr](http://carasauruswrex.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Feel free to share but please link the original fic! Don't repost!
> 
> All characters are property of the CW and I do not own anything except my headcanon.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 10 episode 3

**Part 1: Please Stay**

**Chapter 1**

Dean could feel the pressure of Castiel against him, his angelic strength restraining his demonic power. Cas's eyes going all blue and glowy. He had escaped the dungeon room he was locked in after several injections of demon cure, being close to human, but Cas had managed to stop him just in time, just before he bashed Sam's brains in.

There was a piece of Dean that screamed out, wanting to be human again. Sure, there were parts of him that liked the darkness but he couldn't ignore the voice inside his head telling him it was wrong. Cas was trying to calm him and suddenly he remembered the profound bond he shared with his best friend. He resisted anyway, finding he was unable to think rationally enough to calm himself. But he understood that his friend and his brother only wanted to help. If they hadn't, he figured he'd be dead by now.

Sure his time with Crowley was fun; living with zero consequences. He liked it. Much how Sam liked being soulless. Dean knew he'd have regrets the moment he became human again. But for now, he just wanted the freedom being a demon brought him. Human Dean would never be able to admit his true feelings, always burying things deep inside, not allowing his mind to linger on certain thoughts. It wasn't that Dean _had_ feelings in this form, but he did have raw desire. He was unashamed to admit to himself, that in that moment, he wanted the angel pressed up against him, _his_  angel. These were the thoughts that human Dean desperately pushed away, only allowing them as he slept. He used to dream that he and Cas would become something more. But now he didn't dream. Demons don't dream. And Demon Dean took what he wanted. Now, Dean allowed his thoughts to go to places he previously forbid. And even if Cas was just trying to restrain him, something about the touch awakened a long repressed craving.

Cas and Sam dragged him, struggling and thrashing, back to the dungeon. Cas thrust him into the chair in the center of the devil's trap and restrained his wrists and ankles. Dean winked at the angel and Cas gave Dean a pitying look, ignoring the attempt.

"I always knew you were a kink freak, angel," Dean said, licking his lips with anticipation.

Again, Cas ignored the advance and made way for Sam to approach his demon brother. Sam was holding a syringe of donated blood, just as before. As Sam slid the needle into Dean's skin he struggled against the restraints. Nobody said a word as the younger Winchester and the angel left Dean in dark and silence. Neither one looking back as they closed the dungeon door.

Once every hour, Sam would return for an injection of blood. He and Cas figured they should start over, seeing as Dean had escaped, just to be safe. After all, it had been more than an hour since the last injection by the time they got him back to the dungeon. Part of Dean felt pride that his brother was able to hold him off for so long.

With every dose, Dean would wince and thrash. "You're killing me, you know," he said to his brother after the third needle prick.

Sam was silent for a second, but then he looked Dean right in his pitch black eyes and said, "That's a risk I'm willing to take." He abruptly turned and walked out the dungeon.

On the fourth injection Dean spied Cas hovering near the room's exist. He could see the sorrow in the angel's blue eyes. As Sam left, Cas took his place. Staring at Dean with his characteristic unreadable glare. Immediately Dean felt a rush of emotion, however, he chose to ignore the warm feelings he knew were coming from the injections. Instead he stared back at Cas.

After a longer-than-humanly-comfortable moment Dean spoke, "This may be your last chance to get some demon on angel action, you know."

As expected, Cas continued to stare at him.

Ignoring the human impulse to stop talking before he embarrassed himself, Dean made a kissy face at Cas and said, "You know you want the Double D... Demon dick, that is." He chuckled at his own crude attempt at humor.

Cas didn't break. Instead he looked into his eyes a moment longer before turning and walking away.

The next time Sam came into the room, Cas was again at the door, watching.

"Wait, is this a threesome? No offense little brother but incest isn't really my thing," Dean said with a smirk on his face, remembering the fanfiction Becky used to write. Wincest, was it?

Sam looked at him and shook his head, ignoring the words coming out of his mouth.

"I'm sure we can work out a way to share Cas… _after_ I'm done with him, that is," Dean joked, giving his brother a grin. Sam just stuck him with the needle and walked away, grabbing Cas by the arm on the way out. Once again, Dean was alone.

It only took six injections before Dean's eyes turned back to their usual shade of green. There must have been some left over effect from the last round. But, just to be sure, Dean was restrained a little while longer. Sam kept Cas posted in the room for a couple of hours to keep an eye on him, just in case. Dean looked at his friend, suddenly embarrassed, but not knowing what to say. All that came out was a pitiful "I'm sorry."

Cas stared at him in his typical fashion but finally broke eye contact, looked at the floor and said, "No need to apologize, Dean. You clearly weren't yourself…" He looked Dean in the eyes again, blue on green. "Besides, you took me in when you could have just as easily turned me away. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't return the favor?"

Cas of course was referring to the incident months ago when both of them were still human. Gadreel, an angel who possessed Sam, had advised Dean to ask Cas to leave when he had arrived at the bunker. In fact, Dean _had_ asked Cas to leave but the look of betrayal on his friend's face was too much, so instead he immediately took it back. He asked Cas to stay, against Gadreel's orders. Dean explained the Gadreel situation to Cas, who, after several minutes of intense concentration, decided that it was best for Gadreel to remain inside Sam until he was fully confident he could survive on his own. Of course, neither of them knew it was Gadreel, both believing him to be Ezekiel, at the time. Without Cas's grace he was none the wiser, although he did sense that Gadreel was up to _something_  and advised Dean to keep an eye on him. They ended up teaming up with Crowley to expel Gadreel from Sam's body after learning the truth and losing Kevin.

Dean snapped back into the present as he noticed Cas was approaching him. Cas knelt down and began to examine Dean. In classic Cas manner, he was now _way_ too close to Dean, reminding him of the weeks Cas has spent in the bunker before he had his grace back temporarily. Nothing had happened in those weeks but Dean suspected he was dangerously close to admitting his feelings for Cas. If Cas hadn't left to find Metatron (and Dean to find Crowley), he probably would have. Afterall, Dean had first admitted to himself that he liked Cas as more than a friend when they were trapped in Purgatory together. Although, he tried to bury the feelings as best he could, rarely letting his brain linger on them for more than a moment. Even so, he figured he had fallen for the angel the very moment they met. But he had always hidden those feelings deep inside, never fully able to admit them to himself, imagining what his father would say. His dad was kind of a hardass. _But John Winchester is dead_ , thought Dean, staring back at the angel.

Cas reached up and placed a gentle hand on Dean's cheek, cupping it softly. Dean, flinched away from the touch, reminding himself as he always did, that Cas simply did not understand the implications of human contact. _That has to be it_ , thought Dean, _extended eye contact and invasion of personal space don't mean the same things to the angel._ But Cas did not back away, instead he turned his attention to Dean's bound arm. He slowly brushed his fingers along the Mark of Cain.

"Does it pain you?" he asked, finally.

"No, but I'm aware of it. It tingles slightly," he sighed. He didn't like lying to Cas. "It occasionally stings... but right now it's fine," he admitted, looking Cas in the eye once again. Cas seemed a bit troubled by the news but returned Dean's gaze all the same. They stayed like this for what seemed like hours, simply taking in each other, memorizing the lines of one another's face.

End of chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested, please check out my season 13 hiatus fic [ Find My Bluebird (Ramble On)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11535201/chapters/25897560)


	2. Please Stay

**Chapter 2**

When Sam came back into the dungeon ten minutes later with a plate of food, Cas was still crouched near Dean. His hand had somehow migrated from his wrist to his knee. However, he snapped up as soon as Sam cleared his throat; neither Cas nor Dean heard the door open. Cas quickly stood up, looking rather embarrassed. _That's strange,_ Dean thought,  _Cas must understand it's not socially conventional to be caught in intimate moments._ Maybe Dean was wrong in thinking that Cas's staring and proximity was due to him being an angel…

His thoughts were soon interrupted by Sam stopping in front of him with a concerned look on his face. Or maybe it was confusion. Either way his brow was scrunched up as if he was thinking hard about something. After a few moments of contemplation he said, "I just realized you can't eat with your hands bound. Maybe one of us can feed you?"

"Absolutely not! I refuse to have someone make airplane noises and spoon food into my mouth!" Dean said, only half joking.

"Why would we make airplane noises?" asked Cas, completely oblivious.

Sam sighed. "Dean, I still don't trust that you aren't going to hurt somebody," he said in a serious tone. He paused a minute, clearly waiting for Dean to comply. When Dean didn't say anything he said, "I'll let you choose who you get to play 'choo choo' with."

A smirk crossed Sam's face and Dean couldn't help himself, he burst out laughing. "That's what she said," Dean exclaimed in between chuckles.

"I don't understand. Who is 'she' and what did she say that's so funny?" Asked Cas, not understanding, making the brothers laugh even harder.

"But seriously. I can go another few hours without food, Sammy," Dean said, hoping to drop the topic.

Sam just gave him a typical "bitch face" look and handed the plate to Cas. "Feed him. Please," was all he said before shaking his head and leaving them alone.

"Sam's right, Dean," said Cas approaching him with the plate. "You haven't eaten in at least twelve hours," he said, matter-of-factly.

Dean was about to brush him off when suddenly, as if it hit him all at once, he did feel _very_ hungry. But he was _not_ about to admit this to Cas who he knew wouldn't hesitate to spoon feed him if asked. He was sure Cas wouldn't find it weird in the slightest. So instead, he just stared down at his lap, hoping that Cas would lose interest. But after a moment, Cas knelt down in front of him, just as he did before. He had one hand on Dean's knee and the other hand was holding the food. The smell wafted over Dean and the instant aroma of mac and cheese made his mouth water.

Dean's stomach growled and he sighed. Without making eye contact with the angel he quietly gave his consent, and Cas began spooning small bites of macaroni into Dean's mouth. When he was finished eating Dean told Cas he was thirsty and he went to get him a glass of water. Upon returning, Cas helped Dean sip the water by slowly tilting the cup to his lips and placing his other hand on the back of Dean's neck for support. Dean wondered why Cas hadn't simply grabbed a straw but found the touch quite enjoyable so he didn't complain.

Dean was so exhausted that he allowed his mind to wander a bit, letting himself wonder what it would be like to have Cas's hands gripping the nape of his neck and the small of his back. He thought of what it would be like to have Cas's lips brush against his own. _I shouldn't,_ Dean thought, pushing the images away, _why would an angel ever want to be with a human?_ he contemplated, falling back on the same tired excuse he'd used since first admitting his feelings for Cas to himself.

Sam came back in after Dean had finished his water. _Is he spying on us?_ wondered Dean, thinking that Sam's timing was a little too perfect. He motioned to Cas and both men left the room for a couple of minutes. When they came back, Sam released Dean from his bonds. Dean rubbed his wrists and stretched.

"So what now?" he asked since it was clear they didn't think he was going to try and take a hammer to anyone's skull again.

"Now you rest," Cas said. "Sam and I agreed that you need a bit of time off from hunting, all things considered. In the meantime, there's still a mess in Heaven to deal with." Cas gave Dean a sorrowful look as a hush went over the room.

For what must have been a solid minute (although it felt much longer), nobody said a word. Then Sam spoke up. "Dean'll be fine without you, Cas. Just do what you've gotta do."

Dean started to panic. He wasn't ready for Cas to leave. _Not yet. Not ever._ "Cas…" he said suddenly aware he was speaking. "Please… Stay," he said, echoing the scene several months ago when Dean asked Cas not to leave. He allowed himself to slip into the memory, recalling the moment.

_He and Castiel were sitting at the table. He was just following the orders of the angel who he believed to be Ezekiel. He didn't mean to hurt him but Dean looked in Cas's direction and saw the pain on his face. He shouldn't have asked him to leave. He didn't realize how much the request would upset him. Cas got up and turned to walk away but not before Dean caught his arm. His angel turned and looked at him with a Cas-style head-tilt. Dean couldn't help himself, he took Cas's hand in both of his. "Please... Stay," he muttered._

Cas must have understood the reference because he looked at Dean and smiled, and Dean washed the memory from his mind. Cas looked to Sam, who just shrugged. He turned back to Dean and nodded. He was going to stay.

End of chapter 2


	3. Paper Moon

**Chapter 3**

So it was decided. Cas was staying. Since Dean was still ashamed of his behavior in the dungeon, neither he nor Cas brought the incident back up in the days that followed. It was probably for the best, Dean knew. He and Sam promised to help Cas on his mission, and he didn't want there to be any distractions. However, Cas insisted they wait until Dean felt better. But Dean felt fine! In fact, after a week or lounging around the bunker he was _more_  than ready to get out for a bit.

So the three of them decide to visit a local park and sit by the lake. Cas pointed out a sign that read 'No Hunting' and Dean couldn't help but smirk. He cracked open three beers not knowing if Cas's borrowed grace would allow for him to get a buzz on anything less than a liquor store, but Cas went through the motions all the same, possibly for Dean's benefit. He looked over at Sam and Cas and chuckled to himself at how silly they all looked in matching cheap plastic shutter shades. On the way to the lake they had stopped at a gas station and Cas had insisted they each got a pair for some reason. Dean was actually enjoying himself a little. They all joked about how Sam was in a sling (he hurt his shoulder in a fight against a demon while Dean was bromancing around with Crowley). Everything seemed great! In fact, it was more than great. Dean had his angel and his brother back, so what could be wrong? But something _was_ wrong. Dean squirmed in his seat.

"You guys see that thing in the paper this morning?" He asked, trying to be nonchalant.

"There are a lot of things in the paper, Dean, you're going to have to be more specific," Cas said with an attempt at sass… maybe?

Sam seemed to know _exactly_   what Dean was referring to because he responded with, "Maybe it was an animal kill." Obviously trying to get Dean to drop it. But he didn't drop it. He rarely does.

"It was three kills, and it was in the same town, all within the last month," Dean said, not taking _any_ of his brother's crap.

Cas looked concerned. "Maybe we should call on another hunter to deal with this one?" he said, trying to help.

"Or maybe  _we_ should be the guys to deal with it. Come on! We could be in and out real quick. Milk run," Dean said, knowing it was most likely going to be far from a 'milk run.'

"Dean…" Cas started.

Dean knew where this was headed. He cut him off. "I need this," he said, "I _need_ this."

Sam frowned and said, "If things go sideways… I mean, like, an inch, you gotta give me the heads-up." Obviously, Sam was concerned about the Mark.

"Done. You got my word," Dean said standing up. Cas soon followed, and Sam was left on the edge of the lake, obviously still not convinced that what he agreed to was the right move.

Next thing Sam knew, all three of them were dressed as wildlife officers and were talking to the local sheriff of the town where the attacks took place. They went over the plan briefly in the car before walking in but, even so, Cas still kept trying to talk, despite his agreement to let Dean and Sam do the talking. This resulted in a lot of _literal_ stepping on toes and loud coughs from the brothers. Eventually Cas got the memo and shut his mouth. From the sheriff, they learned that the vics' hearts were missing.

On their way out, Cas said, all too loudly, that it "must be werewolves." Dean turned back to the sheriff, who was still watching them, chuckled, and ushered Cas out with a death-tight grip on his arm.

Once they were back in the Impala, they agreed to talk to a witness the sheriff told them about, Tommy. He was at the bar where the incident went down. _Easy as pie,_ Dean thought, possibly a little too optimistically.

Inside the bar, Cas remembered the whole not-talking thing. After some persuasion, the boys learned that a girl might be the perp. Not much to go on, but certainly narrows it down. Tommy also mentioned a barn. Might be a good idea to check it out.

They waited until dark. A couple of hours later, the three of them pulled up the barn at a farm outside of town and got out of the Impala. "The bar-man thinks the girl he saw was a ghost but they found the bodies torn to shreds. Ghosts don't do that," Cas said, stating the obvious.

Dean fiddled with his .45 and ejected the mag to make sure he had a full clip. "Yeah, well... This flea bag looks like she ain't done chowing down on Sons of Anarchy just yet," Dean said, gesturing at the blood trail leading up to the barn.

"Guess she likes bad boys," cracked Sam.

Dean grinned. "Well, wait'll she gets a load of us."

The three of them entered the barn and spied a blonde girl with cropped hair talking on her phone near the back wall, although neither of them could see her face, something about her seemed... Familiar somehow? Cas gestured at the dead chickens littering the floor, looking confused. Dean shrugged and continued to slowly approach the mysterious-yet-familiar woman. Suddenly she stopped and sniffed the air, realizing that she wasn't alone. She turned around, attempting to get away from Dean, and bolted right into Sam. His face turned to surprise as he realized who she was and spun her around so that Dean was face to face with Kate the Werewolf. _Well isn't this is a plot twist,_ Dean thought as Cas and Sam tied her up. The trio began to question her, hardly believing that she'd go rogue after they let her go two years ago.

"Kate, you said you were gonna go straight. What happened?" Sam asked, all puppy-dog eyed.

"I guess things change. Being this... I tried to be strong, but the hunger was too much. Too hard. It's not like anyone gave me a handbook on how to be a werewolf," Kate said but Cas squinted at her and approached her, touching her forehead.

"She isn't telling the truth," he said, still squinting at the blonde woman. Dean had no idea how Cas could possibly know all of that form a simple touch but then remembered that he was one of those angels that can read minds. _A Ser-something. Seraph? Seraphim? Yeah, that._ It was a good thing Cas was with them because he _knew_ that the brothers wouldn't have let her walk. _You're too good for me, angel,_ Dean thought, sadly.

 _Back to reality!_   Dean thought, shaking away the day dream. "Ok, but if you didn't kill those guys, then who did?" he asked, thinking that Cas didn't like to invade people's minds more than he had to... hopefully. But his angel raised his arm as if he was about to touch Kate again. _A fake out? Bad cop/good cop?_

Clearly it worked because Kate shouted, "No! Wait! I'll tell you." Then she said so quietly it was almost a whisper, "It's my sister."

"Let me get this straight," Dean said with a scoff, hardly believing the words he was hearing. "We let you run because we take pity on you, and you turn around and you start making pups? You start killing people?!" he shouted.  _So much for the good cop routine._

"It's not like that! I'm no killer." Kate was also shouting. It was all she could do with her wrists still bound. "And whether you believe me or not, I've never hurt anyone who didn't deserve it. And I have never, ever eaten a human heart."

"That would explain all the dead chickens, Dean," Cas said, looking at their mangled corpses.

"My friend here believes you," Dean said, suddenly playing the role of Bad Cop. "Let's say, for argument's sake, that I believe you too. Now, I'm going to untie you, but I need to hear the whole story. And don't even think about running. If a guy can read your mind, who knows what the hell else he can do. Understand?" Dean said, giving Kate a hard stare while he cut her restraints and Cas raised his arm once more as if to say "don't fuck with me."

It must have worked because Kate sighed, rubbing her wrists and looking down at her feet, unable to meet their eyes. "After I left school, I was... Adrift. Lost. Not really sure where to go or what to do, so I went someplace safe. I went home. But, even though I'd be good, I started to think about my family. How safe were they going to be? I was a werewolf! And then, of course, there was you two... Three. What if you showed up and tried to kill me? I couldn't risk that. So I… I walked away. Never called, never wrote, just... Started a new life. Until one day, I saw a post on my sister's Facebook page. Tasha had been in a really bad car accident. The doctors didn't think she was gonna make it. We were always so close, so I had to go say good-bye. Then… It hit me! This curse that I had, that had brought me nothing but pain and suffering, could actually finally maybe do something good. If I turned Tasha into a werewolf, it would heal her wounds, save her life, give her a second chance. So... I did the unthinkable. At first, I thought I'd failed, that even though werewolves heal quickly, it was too late for Tasha. Then she woke up, not sick anymore, she was okay. Tasha had so many questions. What happened? How did she get here? So... I was straight with her. The good, the bad, the ugly. What we were and why we could never go back home, and the responsibility we had to control what we'd become. It was a lot to swallow. But we had each other, and that felt like enough. Or so I thought. My sister, she gave in to everything that I had warned her about. And I knew, even if I couldn't bring myself to admit it then, I knew I was losing her. Guys, I don't expect your sympathy. I don't expect you to help me. This is my mess. I gotta clean it up."

"And how do you plan on doing that, Kate?" Sam asked, genuinely, taking up the "good cop" role. _That_ _routine doesn't really work with three people,_ Dean though, almost laughing.

"I don't know, but... I've gotta try, you know? We'll go out into the woods. We'll drop out for however long it takes until she learns to control this," Kate said with another sigh.

"I think it might be a little late for Tasha to return to normal, Kate," Cas said, sympathetically.

"So, what? I just abandon her? I did this. I owe her every chance to make it right."

Den thought for a second. He looked over at Cas and shook his head. They had to take care of this. "Well maybe you should have come to us sooner," Dean lied, "Looked us up. Then maybe we could have cured you."

"But, Dean, There is no cure for werewolves," Cas said, not getting the hint. Dean glared at him, trying to convey his plan telepathically with no success. _There has to be contact,_ Dean remembered, without touching them, Cas could only kind of  _sense_ stuff.

Thankfully, Sam stepped in, "And for a long time, that was true, but we found one. We've got everything we need in the trunk. But, unless you want to do this without her, I suggest you find Tasha. Set up a meeting," Sam said, as he ushered Kate out of the barn.

On their way back to the Impala, Cas lead Dean to the side by his arm. "I wasn't aware you had found a cure, Dean," Cas asked, seriously, with a small head-tilt.

"Oh, there's always been a cure," Dean said, as he lifted his shirt slightly to reveal a concealed knife, and maybe just a little sliver of skin.

"Dean, she is Kate's sister. After all you and Sam have been through… After all _we've_ been through, can you really blame her for wanting to save Tasha?" Cas said, starting to panic.

"Kate and Tasha are monsters, okay? Last I checked, we kill monsters. And I know you and Sammy have done a lot but, I mean, after all that you've done for me, I've still got this Mark," Dean said, finally addressing the elephant in the room. _Well, ONE of the elephants in the room._

"And doesn't that make _you_  a monster, Dean? Do you want me to kill _you_? It's not that simple! Dean, you _died_! You died and then you came back as a demon. A monster. But, we cured you, Dean. And we'll cure the Mark too," Cas said, obviously upset. _He says my name a lot when he's upset_ , Dean realized. Cas continued, "We have to figure something else out." And Dean knew he was right. He had to be. If Dean could abandon his best friend and try to kill his brother and bounce back to… well not normal, but close to normal… Normal-ish, then surely there was a chance for these girls as well.

"Fine. We'll try to reason with them first. But if things go South it's silver bullet time, you hear me?" Cas nodded, understanding. Clearly he didn't like Plan B, but he knew it had to be an option. Just in case. After a moment, the two men got into the car to join Sam and Kate.

"I sense trouble," Cas said when they pulled up outside the cabin they were supposed to meet Tasha at. And sure enough, the younger sister wasn't alone. Cas, despite his weakened grace, had no trouble taking on the burly werewolves. _Don't know why Cas doesn't come with us on EVERY hunt,_  Dean thought. He knew Cas had other angel issues to deal with, but he was impressed nonetheless. And proud. Very proud of his angel.

While Cas took out the male-wolves in the living room, Kate was trying to reason with her sister, closing the bedroom door. But as soon as Tasha heard her bodyguards' screams she realized they were dead. Cas had taken them out pretty quickly, not giving the sisters much time to talk. She turned to her sister, put her hand on her shoulder, reassuringly, and exclaimed that they had to leave… Like now. But Kate pulled her in for a hug instead, taking her by surprise. "I love you," she said as she slid her little silver knife into her.

Dean, Sam, and Cas walked into the bedroom to find a teary eyed Kate crying over Tasha's dead body. "I'm so sorry," she kept repeating, unable to move, "I'm so sorry."

Sam decided it was best to let Kate go and Dean agreed, tentatively. He still thought they should keep their ears to the ground, just in case. But they all agree, Cas included, that it'd be a good idea to go back to the bunker. So the trio set off in the Impala, hoping that Kate would keep her promise to stay out of trouble.

Once back, Sam all but demanded that Dean get some rest. He agreed, albeit begrudgingly, and headed off to his room. Dean was just about to strip down to his boxers when he heard a small rapping at his door. "Come in," He said, thinking Sammy was going to lecture him about almost killing Sabrina the Teenage Wolf. But instead, Cas poked his head through.

Cas looked worried. "I know Sam said that you need rest but I really need to talk about what happened… back in the dungeon?" He asked, and Dean's heart caught in his throat.

"I know I said some things, man, but you have to know I didn't mean it," Dean said, sitting down on the bed, suddenly defeated.

"You asked if Sam wanted to… Share me?" Cas looked down, a disgusted look on his face.

Dean wanted to kick his own demon ass. "I think I was making a joke. I'd never share you with anyone," Dean said without thinking. But then he realized what he had said and attempted to backtrack, "Um, not that you're mine to begin with." _Still not good…_

"But Dean, you are mine and I am yours. We share a profound bond. I pulled you from Hell, remember?" Cas said, confused. He took a step closer to Dean, now close enough to touch him if he wanted to. He didn't.

"And I am eternally grateful for that Cas. You're my brother. We're family." _Shit. Why do I keep saying that?_   Dean asked himself. Because Dean knew that he wanted to be more than "brotherly" with Castiel. "Well, look man, we can talk about what I did or didn't say another time maybe. I really do need my forty winks," he said, faking a yawn, which turned into a real yawn.

"Alright, Dean," Cas said, touching his shoulder for longer than usual. Dean held the pose. It felt nice. Cas then turned and left the room leaving Dean to brood alone. But that didn't last long because almost immediately after Dean's head touched down on the pillow, he fell asleep.

End of chapter 3


	4. Fan Fiction

**Chapter 4**

When Dean asked Cas to stay all those months ago, he was given the room across from Dean's. Dean wanted to keep an eye on the then-human Castiel. He had almost gone in there once or twice in the night, seeking to comfort him, but decided against it.

He found Cas in there now, the door ajar, laying on the bed. _Maybe angels need to meditate or something?_ Dean wondered, not knowing that Cas's borrowed grace was failing him so quickly. Dean took a moment to appreciate the angel's peaceful features. He was very beautiful and calm simply lying there with one arm raised above his head, showing off his pectoral muscle, and the other arm sprawled lazily across his stomach, just a small amount of skin peeking out from under his white undershirt, revealing his hip bone. "Hey," Dean said softly, just in case he _was_  asleep.

Cas had actually dozed off, although Dean had know way of knowing this because Cas responded with a sleepy "Hello, Dean." Angels had better hearing than humans so Dean had woken Cas up even at the low decibel in which he spoke. But Cas wasn't bothered. He sat up almost instantly. "Is there something wrong?" Cas asked, eyes full of concern.

"Uh, no… I just… I wanted to continue our conversation from the other day. I, um, I just feel really bad about leaving you… And Sam. I shouldn't have taken off on a road trip with the King of Hell. Not that I was _me_ me but still. Sorry." Cas didn't answer. He just tilted his head a little and looked at Dean. So Dean kept talking. "I wasn't there when you needed me… I guess what I'm trying to say is… You always show up when I need you. But I've let you down, man. So many times. I should have just been there. I'm sorry…" he pleaded, looking intently at his angel.

But just as Cas opened his mouth to reply Sam bust into the room saying, "Good. You're up. I was thinking we could all go to the farmer's market today and…" but Dean cut him off.

"Can't. Got a case," he said, pulling a newspaper out of his back pocket. No _way_ was he going to some hippie-organic-market-bullshit. He had stopped by Cas's room on his way to Sam's so the timing kind of worked out anyway, and he mostly wanted to drop the conversation, afraid of what Cas might say. _Another time,_ he thought.

Sam looked at the article he was pointing at, reading it over his shoulder. "Dean, nothing seems suspicious, well _our_ kind of suspicious, about a teacher going missing. She was probably abducted. This isn't a case, let the police handle it," he said, hoping that Dean could just take some time off for once.

"There is nothing that even remotely suggest there isn't a case either. Guys, out there, hunting. It's the only normal I know." When neither of the men responded, he said, "Come on, we've got work to do." And left the room before any of them could change their minds.

The three of them piled into Baby and drove to the all girls school in Michigan, where the teacher went missing. When they arrived, Sam had just gotten off the phone with the police. "So, the last place Ms. Chandler was seen by anyone was in the auditorium. Turns out she's the drama teacher," he said to Dean and Cas, getting out of the car.

"Ugh, theater kids. Great," Dean said, trying to push Sam's buttons.

"What? I was a theater kid."

"Barely. You did Our Town, which was cool. But then, you did that crappy musical."

"Oklahoma? Hugh Jackman got cast off of Oklahoma."

"You ran tech, Wolverine."

"They let wolverines participate in a theatre production put on by youth?" Cas asked, not understanding the reference. Dean and Sam chuckled. Clearly the X-Men was _not_ one of the things Metatron had transferred to Cas.

The trio was lead into the auditorium by the principal, on the way in, Cas was the only one who noticed a suspicious banner outside. "Um… Dean…?" Cas started to say but Dean was distracted by something else entirely. A little-Bobby was standing in the auditorium repeating "You idjits! You are idjits," There was also a tiny Castiel. "Hey, ass-butt! Hey! Ass-butt!" she said, again and again. Cas just stared at little-Cas, mouth agape.

Music began playing, on stage a little-Dean starts to sing… About his mother dying. _What the fuck is happening?!_ Dean thought, unable to say anything coherent.

"If there is case... It probably has something to do with all of this," Sam said, not sure what to make of all that was happening around them.

Cas was still watching actress-Cas. "This must have something to do with the profit Chuck's novels." _No shit, Sherlock._

Just then, one of the non-costumed school girls approached. "Oh my gosh! Are you guys from the publisher? I'm Marie, writer/director. This is Maeve, my stage manager," she pointed to a shorter girl standing next to her. She stopped when she saw Sam's badge. Dean tried to show his own badge, but when Sam realized the actresses who play Sam and Dean were doing the same, he stopped his brother. Cas was still staring at the Cas actress.

"I'm special agent Smith. These are my partners, special agent Wesson," Dean said pointing at Sam. It was the best he could come up with in such short notice. "And special agent…"

"Smith," Cas said, not helping.

"Smith… No relation," Dean said. For some reason, the idea of Cas sharing his fake last name made him happy.

"But, there's no singing in the Supernatural novels… Chuck certainly never intended..." Cas said gesturing to the stage, clearly flustered. Dean laughed but Sam looks embarrassed. The school girls just looked confused. _Never expected Cas to get so uptight about a musical._

"Well, this is my interpretation…" the director-girl said.

Sam began talking to the girls. "Right. Anyways. We're here to talk about the disappearance of Ms. Chandler. Any chance you two saw her, before she vanished?" But Dean didn't hear the rest because he was following Cas to the front of the stage. _Dammit Cas!_  thought Dean. Cas seemed oblivious of what was happening. They stood there for a while watching the cast rehearse.

"Dean! Cas! We're going backstage," Sam said, only just now realizing the other men had left the conversation. So they followed the director-chick (Dean still hasn't learned her name.)

While she droned on about her play, Dean played with a prop rifle. Then he noticed fake him and fake Sam were standing around Baby on stage. "What are they doing?" He asked the director.

"Looks like they're rehearsing the B.M. scene," She said with a smirk.

"The bowel movement scene?" Cas asks, confused. Dean snot laughed.

"No! The boy melodrama scene! You know, the scene where the boys get together, and they're driving or leaning against Baby. Drinking a beer, sharing their feelings. The two of them. Alone. But together. Bonded. United. The power of the brotherly…" But Dean cut her off. She was getting weird.

"Why are they standing so close together?" Dean asked, stopping her.

"Reasons," was all she said.

"You know they're brothers, right?" Dean said, remembering his Wincest joke in the dungeon.

"Well, duh! But... Subtext." She then lead Dean and Cas to the drama teacher's office (Dean couldn't remember her name either). He then noticed a robot head.

"Is this hers ?" Dean asked, pointing at the prop.

"No! That's a prop from act two! I've been looking for that, actually," the director explained.

"As far as I know, nobody goes to outer space in Supernatural," Cas said, confused once again. It became clear to Dean that Cas had no idea what any of this was. Dean was starting to get the idea though.

"Well, not canonically, no. But this is transformative fiction," Director admitted.

"You mean fanfiction," Dean corrected her.

"Call it whatever you like, ok? It's inspired by Carver Edlund's books. With a few embellishments. But, as you know, Chuck stopped writing after Swan Song. I just couldn't leave it the way that it was! I mean, Dean not hunting anymore, living with Lisa?! Sam, somehow back from Hell, but not with Dean?! So, I wrote my own ending," she explained.

"You wrote your own ending? With spaceships? Are you a prophet?" Cas asked, again, clearly not understanding. Honestly, Dean didn't get it much either.

The director didn't seem to notice the prophet comment. _Phew._ "And robots. And some ninjas. And then, Dean becomes a woman." Dean glared at her and Cas was about to protest when she clarified that it was "just for a few scenes!" Dean was about _done_  with this shit.

"Alright, Shakespeare!" Dean said, trying to hid his annoyance. "You know that I can actually tell you what really happened with Sam and Dean? A friend of mine hooked me up with the, um, _unpublished_ unpublished books. So, Sam came back from Hell. But without a soul. Then, Cas brought in a bunch of leviathans from Purgatory. They lost Bobby. And then, Cas and Dean got stuck in Purgatory, Sam hit a dog. They met a prophet named Kevin, they lost him too. Then Sam endured a series of trials, in an attempt to close the gates of Hell. Which nearly cost him his life. Then Dean? Dean became a demon. Knight of Hell, actually." Cas nodded. That was basically what happened.

The director laughed so hard she almost cried. "Wow! That is some of the worst fan fiction that I've ever heard! I mean, seriously, I don't know where your friend found this garbage! I am not saying that ours is masterpiece, or anything, but geez! I'll have to send you some fic links later…" she said, wiping a tear from her eye.

Cas was looking offstage during her entire outburst of laughter. At last he turned to Dean, grabbing his arm in alarm. "D- I mean, Agent Smith…" Cas said, pointing offstage where little-Cas and little-Dean were engaged in a kiss. _Is Chuck somehow trying to tell me something?_   Dean wondered, staring at the couple.

"Is this in the play?" Cas asked quietly.

"Oh, no. Siobhan and Kristen are a couple in real life. Although, we do explore the nature of Destiel in act two," the director casually explained. "Oh, it's just subtext… But, then again you can't spell subtext without S.E.X." _Did Chuck KNOW somehow?_ Dean excused himself, thanking the girl for her time, and pulled Cas with him.

They met Sam outside and, before Dean could stop him or talk about what happened, Cas said "Apparently Chuck predicted quite a lot including space travel and ninjas. And possibly something about me and Dean… Destiel, she called it?" Clearly, Cas misunderstood the whole performance to be something Chuck had written. Dean would laugh if he wasn't so mortified and also suspicious that Chuck was somehow involved.

End of chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda meta, huh? A fanfiction about the episode Fan Fiction?!


	5. Samulet

**Chapter 5**

Sam noticed Dean's uncomfortableness and suggested the three of them get a motel for the night, still believing that Cas no longer needed to sleep, but his new borrowed grace was fading fast. So Cas and Dean agreed, both thankful that the topic was dropped for the moment, and Dean got into Baby's driver's side, Cas and Sam piling in as well. Using his GPS he found the nearest shit motel and checked into a two bed room. Once inside he immediately flopped onto the bed nearest to the door and passed out.

When Dean awoke, he saw that Cas was asleep on the couch with his arm over his eyes. Dean resisted the urge to lay down on the couch next to him. It would be weird after all the bizarro stuff that happened today. So he got up to take a piss instead, and in the bathroom did a little more to relieve himself as well, noticing his cock was hardened with morning wood. He pictured Cas’s bare skin pressed against his, imagining what it would feel like to run his fingers down his chest, past his stomach, and into The Forbidden. He tugged on himself until he came in spurts. When he was finished he felt kinda bad, like he always did when he imagined Cas like that. Dean went back to his bed and tried to fall back asleep, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Destiel and the kiss the two actresses had shared.

The next day, the three of them arrived at the auditorium to find that one of the girls had gone missing… Fake Sam, Maggie. "So, I checked with the principal. There's nothing on the surveillance tapes. What the cops think?" Dean asked, returning from the principal's office with Cas.

"The only clue they found was by the dumpster. They found this same flower near Ms. Chandler's cell phone," Sam showed the flower to the other two. "You recognize it?" Both men shook their heads. They decided to go talk to the director and stage assistant, Marie and Maeve. Now that there was another disappearance, Dean thought it'd be best to learn their names.

Maeve handed Marie a coffee as she looked pretty shaken up. "Let me guess," she said. "You guys came here to laugh at me too, right?" she asked, tentatively, looking rather nervous.

Sam looked at her with his characteristic puppy-dog eyes, working the charm. "Why don't you tell us what happened to your friend, Maggie, was it?" he asked with real concern.

Marie sighed. "Maggie quit the show. She was trying to get it shut down so we were fighting. Then, she left. I heard her scream so I ran outside to help. And then… I saw it… the scarecrow. It looked like the one from our show but it was… alive," she explained.

"What happened next?" Cas asked, once again ignoring instructions. He was staying in character pretty well though. Maybe Dean would talk to Sam about amending the non-speaking rule.

Marie continued, "It wrapped her in vines and took her behind the dumpster. And then… they were both… gone. I called the cops and a bunch of adults told me that just I had an overactive imagination. But it's all real. Ghost, angels… demons."

"We believe you," Sam said, reassuringly. "It is all real. All of it. And so are we… I'm Sam Winchester. My partners here are actually Dean and Castiel," he said pointing to the other men. Dean expected the girls to freak out but instead they just laughed. _Fucking laughed._

"Ok, look, I'm willing to accept that monsters are real. But those books are works of fiction," Marie said, still smirking.

Dean exchanged a look with Sam. _Ok, time to improvise._ "Ok, so maybe we aren't the real Dean and Sam, but we are hunters. If monsters are real then there has to be monster hunters, right?" Dean stated, hoping they'd buy the explanation. They didn't have time to convince them otherwise.

"Oh my god you guys are X-Files…" Maeve said, clearly impressed.

Both girls seemed to buy this story, so Dean rolled with it. "You bet," he said, giving them a wink. "So, this scarecrow, is it based on the one from the books?" Dean asked.

"No, I changed it. I got scared of a local legend, when I was a kid. There was this old creepy scarecrow on an abandoned farm outside of town. Kids used to say, if it caught you, it would take you away," Marie said, shaking the image out of her head.

Sam thought a moment and said, "If this scarecrow is based on your version, then Ms. Chandler and Maggie might still be alive. It must've been created by the play somehow," he said as if it made any sense whatsoever. When he looked at Dean's confused face he explained that it was a tulpa and ushered the group into the school library to look for lore.

"Tulpas are monsters that are created by an intense, focused energy on an idea... or a story," Sam said, showing the group the lore book.

"Great!" Dean exclaimed, sarcastically, "So how do you kill a freaking idea?" he asked, throwing up his hands in desperation.

"Well, in Hell House, Sam and Dean burnt the house down, to take out that one tulpa they hunted," Marie said, referencing the book.

"Yeah… you kill the symbol, you kill the tulpa," Dean said, remembering. "So, the scarecrow in your play. Is it a person, or a prop?" Dean asked, hoping it was the latter.

"Prop. And it's terrifying. We keep it in the boiler room…" Marie said with a scowl.

"But what about the flower?" Cas asked, not totally buying it.

"One thing at a time, man," Dean said, turning to the girls, "First, let's torch this Burning Man son of a bitch."

Marie lead Dean down to the boiler room. Cas, Sam, and Maeve stayed in the library to do research. "Gird your loins. It's horrifying," Marie said as she pulled off the blankets revealing the poorly-made scarecrow prop.

Marie looks at it, scared, and Dean sighed, not wanting to tell her the ass-ugly thing wasn't scary. At all. He simply asked, "You wanna pinata this asshat?"

"Asshat? Nice! That's, uh, very Dean of you," she said with a nervous chuckle. "No. He's all yours, agent Smith."

So Dean began to chop the thing into several pieces with a wrench he found near the boiler, then, with Marie's help, he put it through the fire, sarcastically saluting their Wicker Man.

Once they'd finished, they went back, victoriously, to the library. Dean, now proud of Marie for facing her fears, however silly they may be, exclaimed "We came! We saw! We kicked it's fucking-"

"It's not a tulpa," Sam said, interrupting Dean's moment, "It's Calliope."

Dean was about to ask who that was when Cas explained, "She's the goddess of epic poetry. A muse. She's associated with this particular starflower. The one found by the dumpsters."

"Ok, wait. If this is a god thing, then what's with the scarecrow?" Dean asked, confused.

"Well, according to the lore, Calliope manifests creatures from the story she's turned into. The only way to destroy the scarecrow is to kill Calliope," Cas said, referencing the lore. Dean beamed. He couldn't help himself. He was proud that Cas had picked up the whole hunting thing so quickly.

"Right," Sam said with a nod, "She uses these manifestations, like the scarecrow, to inspire the author, and protect them, until their vision has realized… And then she eats the author."

The whole room looked uncomfortable. Marie collected herself. "Ok, that's bad! Um... Can't we just cancel the show?" she asked, looking terrified.

"Isn't that what your teacher and your classmate did?" Sam asked, genuinely, "They tried to shut you down, and the scarecrow took them. Protecting you, and the show."

Dean thought for a minute. "Ok, so, if the scarecrow is the boogey-henchman, we gotta to take our shot with this, uh… Cal-person. But she isn't going to show herself until your 'vision' has been 'realized..' So, um, the show must go on, I guess...'" he said, not liking the plan he came up with.

Nobody else spoke for quite some time. Finally Marie and Maeve agreed. They didn't really have a choice. It was the only way to summon this Calliope-thing.

Since Maggie was missing, Marie agreed to play Sam, she was the understudy for him, after all, and as the director/writer/superfan so she knew she could play the role with ease. While she was busy rehearsing, Dean, Cas, and Sam prepared to take down the monster, grabbing the needed supplies from the trunk.

At long last, it was time for the show to begin. Dean wasn't excited about watching the musical version of his life story, but this god-lady needed to die.

The play opened with actress-Dean singing in Sam's nursery. The song, Road so Far, set up the plot and explained how the boys became hunters. It was a bit, unsettling, to see their fake-mom fake-die, but Dean couldn't help tap his toes, despite Cas's glare, this shit was catchy. He and Cas waited for the scarecrow to appear from their vantage point backstage. Sam was stage-opposite of them.

On Sam's side of the stage the scarecrow appeared behind him, as Dean and Cas attempt to get his attention. (Cas was still too weak to zap anywhere.) But it was too late. The thing grabbed Sam, pulling him through a wall.

"What the fuck do we do now?" Dean whispered to Cas, still stunned.

"We wait until the scarecrow appears again. It's the only thing we can do," sighed Cas, giving Dean a sympathetic look.

Castiel opened his mouth to say something else but stopped, noticing the Cas-actress on stage, out of the corner of his eye. He turned to stare at her, forgetting to close his mouth, again. "I'll just wait here then," she said, echoing a conversation Dean and Cas had five years ago.

She began to sing:

 

I’ll just wait here then

That's what I'll do

I'll just wait here, then

Wait for my cue

I raised you from perdition

To be God's ammunition

But now, you need some rest

So, I will do what's best

I'll just wait here, then

That's all I'll do

I'll just wait here, then

I'll wait for you

 

The scene seemed almost romantic, and Dean realized that this must be the 'Destiel' part Marie was talking about. Only it wasn't subtext, he realized. It was _text_ text. Suddenly, Dean forgot where he was. He forgot about the monster, and the case, and the play. He looked at Cas, who he realized was looking at him as well. Dean didn't think, he just reached out and took Cas's hand. Cas didn't pull away. He just stood there with Dean, watching little-Cas with awe. _It seems like, literally, EVERYONE knows except us,_ thought Dean, lightly brushing his thumb across the back of Cas's hand. Castiel squeezed his hand tightly and the two of them stood like that through the next song.

During the next song, a Single Man Tear (a song about Dean and Sam's brotherly bond), the scarecrow reappeared. Again, without thinking, Dean ran on stage and tackled the scarecrow causing the audience to gasp. The scarecrow punched him in the face, hard, and he fell back, rolling and dazed. Not thinking either, Castiel rushed on stage, his focus on Dean. He tore a piece of the fence prop off and whacked the scarecrow with the two-by-four. But the scarecrow was stronger, possibly because it was being controlled by a god. Cas was flung into the set, breaking it further. He struggled to get up as the scarecrow approached Marie-Sam for the kill. She ducked out of the way just in time and picked up the stake Dean planned on ganking the monster with.

"NO CHICK FLICK MOMENTS!" she shouted and plunged the stake into it's chest. With a stunned look on her face, as if she couldn't believe what she just did, the scarecrow wobbled backwards and _exploded_ into purple goo. _What the actual fuck?_ Dean thought, still stunned on the floor. He looked over at Cas, both men shaking off injuries and struggling to get up. Castiel managed to pull himself out of the set wreckage. He approached Dean, concern painting his face, and extended a hand, pulling him up.

"Well that was… unexpected," he said, leading Dean offstage by the hand.

Just then, Dean received a text from Sam. _In the basement. Ganked the bad guy. On my way back to you_ , it read.

"I guess it wasn't Marie then…" Dean said, slightly disappointed but still insanely proud of Marie for stepping up.

After intermission, as soon as Dean spotted Sam looking for the couple backstage, he realized he was still holding Cas's hand. They hadn't moved an inch since Cas lead him backstage almost ten minutes ago. They simply gazed into each other's eyes, again. Dean still trying to work out what it was he was feeling. As Sam approached, Dean quickly dropped his hand, turning to his brother and giving him a nod.

"Hey," Sam said, either not noticing or pretending not to notice that he and Cas were still standing unusually close, even for them. Sam gestured to the stage and asked, "So what'd I miss." A knowing smile on his face.

Dean shrugged. "I dunno, um, oh this is the B.M. scene," Dean said, turning his attention to the stage, where Marie and Siobhan were having a heart to heart, fake-driving Baby, as the trio backstage watched, all three of them sporting goofy smiles.

During the finale, Dean nearly cried. Although he'd never admit it. _Oh man, the stage is getting blurry_ , he thought, as he watched a very beautifully sung version of Carry on My Wayward Son. Castiel reached for Dean's hand once again, but Dean pulled away, not wanting to hold hands in front of Sammy. Besides, he needed some time to work out the stuff that was rattling around inside his head.

After the show, Dean approached Marie. "You know what? This has been real... educational. You know, seeing the story from your perspective. You keep writing, Shakespeare," he said giving her a one-armed hug.

"Thank you," she said beaming. "And, Dean? You never should've thrown the samulet away," she said, handing him the prop amulet fake-Dean was wearing.

"Samulet?" Dean asked shaking his head, but taking the necklace anyway, realizing what she called him, "So you believe I'm the real Dean now, huh?"

As a response she just smiled and gave him a real hug. She released him after he patted her on the head a couple of times and went to hug Sam and Cas too, everyone saying their goodbyes.

Later, back at the bunker, Dean quickly returned to his room, closing the door. He could tell, on the way home, that Cas wanted to talk but Dean wasn't ready. He felt sick just thinking about what happened. Instead, he fell asleep clutching the samulet.

End of chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you can't help yourself and need to watch the musical, like I did, here's a good link [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZBBNxm9tFA)


	6. Boys Boys Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I've been watching the Hillywood Supernatural parody CONSTANTLY since I started writing this. It's is VERY much a guilty pleasure of mine so I decided to include it in my fic (sort of). You'll see! Enjoy ;)
> 
> Here's the link if you've been living under a rock [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCZy8cAgBlM&t=358s)

**Chapter 6**

Dean heard music coming from Cas’s room a couple mornings later. _What the fuck? Is that Taylor Swift?_ he wondered, approaching Cas’s door. Sure enough, Cas seemed to be listening to Shake It Off, like a goddamn teenage girl. Dean, out of curiosity but against his better judgement, knocked on the door. Cas answered, shirt untucked and tie undone, sweating, like he’d been dancing.

“What the _hell_ are you doing, Cas?” Dean asked, slightly amused (and also slightly aroused).

“Oh, I’m just… The musical kind of got me in a very… musical mood,” Cas said by way of an explanation. “I’ve been rewriting the lyrics of this particular song to fit our current situation,” Cas said as if that wasn’t at all weird.

“Wait, are you making a parody song, about our lives?” Dean asked, really fucking tired of this “transformative art” everyone seemed to be into now-a-days.

“Uh, well, I…” Cas stammered, not sure what to say.

“Ok then, let’s hear it,” Dean said, secretly curious as to how his life could possibly fit into a Taylor Swift song.

Embarrassed, Cas handed him a piece of paper.

I stay up too late,  
I've got the Mark of Cain,  
That's what Sam would say, yeah  
That's what Cas would say, yeah  
  
I've had way too many drinks,  
Hell, I can't even sing,  
At least that's what people say, yeah  
That's what people say, yeah  
  
But I keep cruising,  
Black Impala moving,  
It's like I got this brother,  
By my side, saying "It's gonna be alright."  
  
'Cause the angels gonna play play play play play,  
And the Demons gonna hate hate hate hate hate,  
Baby I'm just gonna shake shake shake shake shake  
Shake it off, Shake it off

Dean couldn’t read anymore. He handed the paper back to Cas. “Um… Yeah, Cas, don’t quit your day job,” he said, finding it mildly amusing. It wasn’t the weirdest thing that had happened to him the past week.

Cas’s phone rang. He answered it quickly, “Yeah..? Uh huh... Ok,” and hung up, looking a Dean with a sigh. “That was Hannah. She needs my help.” Of course, Hannah… Cas probably felt indebted to her after she had helped him in his search for his grace. She and Cas were, what, returning angels to Heaven or something? But Cas hadn’t teamed up with Hannah in a while. Come to think of it, nobody had seemed to be taking the whole Mark or missing grace thing seriously. Maybe it was about time they got back to it.

“Me and Sam’ll come with you,” Dean said. It wasn’t a question.

“No, Dean. This is something I can handle on my own. It’s really not a big deal,” Cas argued, not wanting to put unnecessary strain on Dean, especially after their last case. Cas recalled Dean continuing to shoot a shapeshifter who was clearly dead. When Cas had brought it up to him on the ride home, Dean dodged the question, just as Dean continued to dodge any attempt Cas made to talk about what happened during the Supernatural musical.

But before Dean could say anything, Sammy, whose timing is _always impeccable_ , came around the corner. _GOD DAMMIT_ _SAM!_ Dean thought, trying not to give away his internal monologue.

“Hey, so this guy Darrell’s been working a case, a series of grisly hotel murders one at the Kensington, another at the Waldorf in Cleveland,  bodies stabbed, impaled on the ceiling,” Sam said, completely oblivious to the scene he walked in on.

“Wait, Cleveland is where Hannah wanted to meet. Maybe we can drive together,” Cas said, suddenly optimistic.

“Hold up,” Dean said, skeptically, remembering the call they got the day before about a dead waiter (apparently he was flame broiled by a witch), “Sounds a little more homicidal maniac than witchy.”

Sam nodded, “That's what Darrell thought, too, until the autopsy came back. Actual cause of death-”

But Dean cut him off, “Let me guess, boiled brains?”

“Yeah, same as our waiter,” Sam said, looking both impressed and disgusted.

“Well, I'll give this to the witch, she's got deep pockets,” Dean said, thinking, “The Kensington, the Waldorf, this restaurant… that can't be cheap.”

“Exactly,” Sam said, happy to have another lead. “We can check out Cas’s thing while we’re there too,” he said without having any idea what Cas’s thing actually was.

“While it would be nice to have the company, I think once we get to Cleveland we should really split up. My business with Hannah is rather… Personal in nature,” Cas said, being rather nondescript.

 _Personal?_ Dean thought, _what the heck does he mean by THAT?_ Suddenly Dean was jealous. He knew it shouldn’t be, but he just couldn’t help but think that there was something more going on between the angels. I mean, they weren’t _actual_ siblings, right?

Once in Cleveland, Hannah met Castiel in the hotel lobby of the Comfort Inn where she was staying.

“Hannah,” Cas greeted her with a hug, “You wanted to see me?” he asked, wondering why she called him there. 

“Castiel,” Hannah said, returning the hug. “Yes, can we talk someplace more private?” she asked and lead him through the lobby and up to the second floor room she was staying in.

“I wanted to discuss with you the situation in Heaven. The rogue angels. You’ve been rather absent on our mission, Castiel,” she said, meeting his eyes.

“Oh, of course. I’ve been busy with… other pressing issues, but I haven’t forgotten our goals,” Cas said, feeling guilty.

He pulled out a laptop from the briefcase he brought with him. “Isaac came back willingly, if I recall, didn't even resist. There are still some angels down here, but the higher-profile rogues are back. But we must find them all, that's the mission,” he said, searching the internet for leads. “Here. Christopher Sherman. A pastor. Local paper in Tennessee says he's working miracles in his parish. It may be a figure of speech, but it may not be. It’s the best lead we have. Until we find something more evident, we should… we should… uh… check it out...” But Cas stopped mid sentence.

Hannah was undressing as Castiel talked. He quickly turned his back to her, giving her some privacy. “Um, Hannah…? What are you doing?” Cas asked, averting his eyes and trying not to look at her.

“I'm taking a shower,” she said, calmly.

“Um… We don't need to shower,” Cas said matter-of-factly.

“I know,” Hannah explained, “the feel of warm water on my skin is… calming. Does this bother you, Castiel?” She asked, gesturing to her naked form, which of course Cas couldn’t see since he was still looking away from her, suddenly very interested in a fray in the bedsheets he was sitting on. Perhaps he should have sat in the chair instead. Maybe Hannah had the wrong impression. But when Cas didn’t respond, Hannah entered the bathroom and Cas could hear the sound of running water.

When Hannah turned off the water, she changed back into her clothing, in the bathroom, with the door closed, thankfully. When she had finished, her and Cas decided it’d be a good idea to take Hannah’s car to Tennessee to pay this pastor a visit.

Once in the lobby, Hannah asked Cas to wait in the car while she checked herself out, handing him her keys. In the car, Cas texted Dean letting him know the plan, hoping that Dean’s case was going well. Cas worried about him. A lot. Certainly more than he let Dean know. And, in Michigan, Cas was sure that Dean felt the same, the way he stroked his hand. But Dean had rejected every advance since then so maybe it was just the Mark? But they did have quite a history, Cas admitted to himself. They came to each other’s aid more times than Cas could remember. And all those moments they spent, simply being in one another's presence, not speaking but drinking each other in with prolonged glaces. Surely Cas understood enough about human behavior not to mistake the intent...

He looked at the clock, it had been ten minutes since he had spoken with Hannah. Maybe he should go check on her.

Castiel knocked on the door of the room Hannah had been staying. She answered after a few moments. “I waited at the car, but the desk man said-” Cas began, but stopped when he saw the man in the room.

“Castiel. This is Joe… my husband,” Hannah explained.

Cas was confused. “Oh?” he asked but then it hit him. Joe was her vessel's husband. “Oh, right,” he exclaimed, understanding.

“Who is this guy, Caroline?” Joe asked.

“He.. Um… Well,” Hannah stammered.

“You saying you're… together?” Joe asked, a look of betrayal on his face.

“What? Yes,” Hannah said, catching on and taking Cas’s hand in hers. “I left you. For him. He’s the reason.”

“No. No, I don't believe it, y-you're not that kind of person. You wouldn't do that. You couldn't do that,” Joe cried out, not wanting to believe what Hannah/Caroline was telling him.

Quickly thinking, Hannah turned and kissed Cas passionately. Castiel was caught totally off guard and didn’t have time to react. When they broke apart, Hannah just looked at Cas, not saying anything. He turned to look at her “husband” and the look on his face was of such devastation that Cas almost cried out. _What is happening?_ Cas thought to himself, feeling guilty and confused.

On their way out of town, Cas and Hannah stop at a gas station. As he was pumping gas into Hannah’s car Cas forced himself to say, “At some point we have to talk about what happened,” he said, regretting the words coming out of his mouth. “You know, the, um… well,” he stuttered, not quite being able to say it.

Hannah looked down at her feet. “He wouldn't listen, Castiel. He wouldn't let me go. I didn't want to hurt him. I could've erased his memories, but... It didn't feel right. I thought if he truly believed we were together, he'd give up. And it worked… So, why does it feel so bad?” she asked, not able to look at him.

Cas sighed. “You did the right thing. You hurt him, but you gave him a reason, something he could use to move forward and make sense of his loss,” he said, hoping there wasn’t actual feelings between him and Hannah. He continued, “I had to take my vessel from his family… twice, actually. Jimmy Novak... He was a good man. He was married, had a daughter… Claire,” he said, remembering the pain he caused him.

Hannah looked at him “And how do you feel about it?” she asked.

Cas thought a moment. “It was difficult, but necessary,” he said, not really believing himself. “The mission comes first… always.” Which wasn’t true of course. He had put Dean ahead of the mission on multiple occasions. _Dean comes first_ , Cas thought. But he, of course, didn’t share these thoughts with Hannah. Instead he just finished pumping gas and got into Hannah’s car more than eager to drop the topic. But Hannah hesitated at the passenger door. After a moment, she turned around and walked towards the wooded park next to the gas station.

Cas followed her to a wood bridge over a stream. “What’s going on?” he asked her, tentatively.

“I'm sorry, Castiel. I'm not going with you. I'm done,” she said, looking into the water. “It's hard letting go... of a story… a mission. But what of the humans whose lives we sacrifice in the name of that mission?” she asked, clearly torn.

“What of them?” asked Cas, not fully understanding.

“We always said the humans were our original mission,” she said as if remembering a time long since passed, “Maybe it's time, Castiel, time to put them first.”

“Where is all this coming from?” Cas asked, a ping of regret tearing at his conscience.

“Being on Earth, working with you, I felt things,” she said, looking away again, “Human things… passions… hungers. To shower, feel water on my skin... to get closer to you. But all of that was nothing compared to what I felt when I saw him… Her husband, his anger and his grief. And Caroline was inside of me, screaming out for him, for her life back. These feelings, they aren't for me.. for us. They belong to her. I know it's time to step aside,” she said with tears in her eyes. She smiled and leaned forward to kiss Cas on the cheek. He let her, knowing what was to come next.

“Goodbye, Castiel,” Hannah said, leaning her head back. A bluish white light beamed out of her mouth and rose into the air. Hannah then collapsed onto Cas for a moment and stood up, dazed. She looked down at her hands and back at Cas, slightly confused.

“Caroline?” Cas asked. She nodded. “I’m so sorry...” he said genuinely.

“I know,” Caroline responded, looking sad but happy to be back.

Cas decided it was best to drive Caroline home himself, rather than calling her a cab as she insisted. He pulled up to her house, in her… _his_ car (she had given it to him as a gift). He watched her get out of the car, approach the door, hesitating, and ring the doorbell. After a moment, Joe answered, the two of them simply look at each other, and then he hugged her. And all was right in the world. Cas smiled to himself, happy he could help but then felt a tinge of guilt. He pulled out his laptop and typed in ‘Jimmy Novak’ frowning as he read a missing person report. _If Hannah can atone, surely I can too_ , Cas thought, staring at Jimmy’s picture.

Back at the bunker, Dean and Sam tell him about their encounter with the witch, Rowena. But Cas wasn’t really listening. Instead his thoughts were on Claire, Jimmy’s daughter, and how he needed to set things right. He decided to turn in early and excused himself from the conversation, retreating to his room. Once on the bed, he heard a knock at the door and Dean’s voice asking Cas to talk. But Cas ignored him, roles reversing for once, and slipped into a dreamless rest.

Dean waited at the door. Maybe Cas just wasn’t in the mood to talk. The problem was, Dean _was_ finally ready to address what happened in Michigan. He sighed and walked back to his room across the hall, closed the door, and sat on his bed, his head in his hands. He and Cas needed to talk. But not tonight. He laid down, but couldn’t fall asleep, his thoughts on Cas and their many intimate moments throughout the years.

End of chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This amazing YouTube video by soberdenatural called I Ache For You is SUPER relevant to my fic right now and very inspirational to the mood of this chapter [[x]](https://youtu.be/OKASomohb9I)


	7. The Things We Left Behind

**Chapter 7**

Dean looked down at his hands, they were covered in blood. In his hand was a silver blade, red dripping off it’s tip. The wallpaper of the room he was kneeling in splattered with streaks of blood. Mangled bodies covered the floor. He started to panic, breathing intensifying. _Did I do this?_ he wondered as his eyes scanned the room.

Dean awoke panting and covered in sweat. He looked around. Safe. He was in his room. He was safe. Except not… He looked down at his arm, the Mark an irritated shade of red. Wow, was it stinging. He tried to collect his thoughts, pinching the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb.

He didn’t notice the door creak open. A voice spoke quietly in the darkness, “Dean?” Cas whispered. “I heard screaming. Are you alright?” the angel asked, approaching his bedside. Dean must’ve shouted in his sleep.

“I’m fine. Just a bad dream,” Dean said, too tired to be embarrassed. Castiel sat perched on the edge of Dean’s bed.

“Would you like to talk about it?” he asked, looking at him with intense blue eyes.

Only then did Dean notice that Cas was only wearing boxers. The angel had been sleeping lately, trying to save the strength of his failing borrowed grace. He must’ve woken him.

“Nah, I’m fine,” he lied, looking away. It had been two weeks since they had gotten back from Cleveland. Two weeks to mull over looming forbidden thoughts. Sorting through his own locked away memories, Dean had come to realize that he had always found men attractive. Sure, he found women attractive too, but there was something enticing about the thought of another strong masculine body pressed against his. This was not something Dean brought to the surface often, however, except for the occasional glance. But right now, with Cas sitting almost naked on his bed, it was something he couldn’t ignore. Hell, whenever Cas was around Dean had a hard time pretending to be straight. He used to think that if he slept with enough women that the problem would go away. But it didn’t. Sex just felt hollow.

But how could a fucking angel of Heaven ever feel the same way? Dean was kidding himself if he thought he even had the slightest chance with the man sitting beside him. “Really, man, I’m fine. Why don’t you go back to your own room and get some sleep?” he suggested, still not looking at his angel.

“Is that really what you want?” Cas asked, not seeming to believe him.

“Yes,” Dean said, so quiet it came out as barely more than a huff of breath. But Castiel must’ve heard because he got up and approached the door. He stopped at the door and looked at Dean, trying to meet his eyes, but Dean had rolled over, his back turned to him. He heard the angel leave and immediately Dean wanted him to come back. Instead, he just stared at the wall, feeling worse than before.

The next morning, Dean stumbled down to the kitchen in his bathrobe, immediately reaching for the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup. He hadn’t slept well at all last night and was in desperate need of some caffeine. Sam was sitting at the table, reading a novel.

“Hey,” he said, sitting down next to him. “Have you seen Cas?” he asked, hoping to apologize for kicking him out of his room the night before. Dean knew that, to the angel, nakedness didn’t mean the same thing and that it wouldn’t have been a big deal to have a platonic chat while in his boxers. That had to be it. Cas must’ve just been worried for his friend. After all, Dean had made it abundantly clear that he thought of Cas as a brother. Maybe the angel couldn’t detect that Dean had feelings for him.

“Yeah, actually,” Sam said, looking up from his book. “He left this morning to see Claire, his daughter… Well, _Jimmy’s_ daughter,” he said, looking slightly concerned.

“What? Why?” Dean asked, confused.

“I guess he somehow feels responsible for her. I mean, he did take her dad from her, Dean. She has to be pretty screwed up after that,” Sam explained.

Dean took his phone out of his pocket and texted Cas, _Sam told me what you’re doing. I know this is important to you. I want to help. Where are you?_

After ten minutes, when Cas doesn’t answer, Dean tried to call him but only got voicemail. “Dammit Cas…” he said under his breath.

“I think he can handle a teenage girl, Dean,” Sam said with a know-it-all smirk on his face.

As a reply, Dean chugged his coffee, and slammed the empty cup on the table. “I doubt it,” he said, leaving the room.

An hour later, he received a call from Cas, asking Dean to meet him in Pontiac Illinois. “On my way,” Dean said, putting on his boots and grabbing his keys.

A couple of hours later, he met Cas outside a local burger joint. Dean was starving so he suggested they go inside and grab a bite. Dean took a seat next to Cas at the booth, so they could talk more privately, and perused the menu. After the waitress took their orders, Dean asked, “Ok, give me the lowdown. What happened?”

Cas recapped, explaining that he had tracked Jimmy Novak’s daughter to a juvenile center in Illinois. That he entered the facility claiming to be her father and that Claire had asked him to get her out of there. “But the child prison lady wouldn’t let me leave with her, even with my new tie,” he said, gesturing down to the striped tie hanging loosely around his neck.

“So bust her,” Dean suggested, “Are they really gonna miss one more delinquent teenager?”

Later that night, the two of them pulled up to the group home Claire was staying at. Dean looked at his phone, it was quarter till midnight. “You ready?” he asked the nervous looking angel. Without a word, Cas opened the door and approached the building. Through the window, Dean can see him take out a guard. Minutes later, he returned with Claire. Once they were in the Impala, Dean sped away, just in case they triggered an alarm system.

They pull into a Steak n Shake diner and get a table. Claire didn’t seem to be in a chatty mood so the three of them sat in silence until their food arrived. Claire dug into her burger and fries immediately while Cas watched her eat. He sighed and she looked up at him. “Is there a problem?” she asked, popping another fry in her mouth.

“Nothing. It’s just … You could eat a vegetable,” Cas said, sounding fatherly.

Claire looked down at her plate. “Ketchup’s a vegetable,” she said with a smirk.

“Hell yeah it is!” Dean said, approvingly. Cas picked up the ketchup bottle, reading the ingredients with a scowl on his face.

“You’ve changed... The Castiel I met was crappy. Like super stuck-up and a dick and you just wanted to punch him in his stupid angel face,” Claire said, looking down at her food. Dean snorted, almost blowing Coke out his nose.

“I don’t think I was _that_ bad,” Cas said, frowning.

“Oh you were a total jerk,” Dean said, looking at him. _A hot jerk_ , he thought, _but a jerk_.

“You totally were,” Claire agreed. “And now you’re just, I don’t know, nicer. And kind of a doof... no offense,” she said smiling.

“Yes, well, um… Before, I was very self-assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path. It’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it’s far too easy to do your worst,” Cas said, philosophically.

“Well that was deep… for a doof,” Dean said with a chuckle, as their waitress came back with the check.

Dean made a grab for it but Cas was quicker. He looked at the receipt and then back at Claire. “So, where do you want to go next?” he asked her.

“Look, I appreciate the meal. And, you know, the felony. But you don’t need to babysit me. I can take care of myself,” she said.

“What do you mean?” Cas asked, looking slightly hurt.

Claire sighed, looking from Cas to Dean. “I mean you felt guilty, so you and your boyfriend busted me out. So thanks, but we’re good,” she said, ignoring the look Dean shot her.

“No, we committed a crime and you might need me again. So I think we should stick together,” Cas said, also ignoring the boyfriend comment.

Claire thought for a moment and said, “Okay. But first, I have to pee.”

Cas got up to pay and Claire bumped into him on her way to the bathroom. Both apologized.

At the checkout counter, Cas realized he didn’t have his wallet on him so Dean had to pay anyway. Both men waited in the lobby for Claire. But after about five minutes, Dean asked if their waitress could go in and check on her, getting worried. The waitress comes back after a moment and said that there was nobody in the restroom.

“Dammit, she must’ve left,” Cas cursed uncharacteristically.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find her,” Dean promised, leading Cas by the hand back to the parking lot.

The two of them piled into Baby and began aimlessly circling around town, trying to come up with a plan. Dean recalled his dream from the other night and decided it was time he let Cas in a little. “Cas, I need you to promise me something,” he said uneasily.

“Of course,” Cas said. “I’d do anything for you, Dean.”

“If I do go to the dark side, you got to take me out,” he said, eyes scanning the nearby neighborhood.

“What do you mean?” Cas asked, softly.

“Knife me. Smite me. Throw me into the fucking sun, whatever. And don’t let Sam try to stop you, because he will… Even when I’m beyond saving... I just… I can’t go down that road again, man. I can’t be that _thing_ again,” Dean sighed, referring of course to Demon Dean.

Dean pulled over, and looked at Cas, suddenly feeling a wave of emotion hit him like a brick wall. The angel stared back, his blue eyes glistening. “Dean…” he said, eventually. “You _know_ I can’t do that.”

“Sure you can… I mean, you’re a badass angel... My life isn’t important… not in the grand scheme of things,” Dean choked out.

“Your life is the _most_ important,” Cas said, putting his hand on Dean’s shoulder and pulling him closer, touching his forehead to Dean’s. Dean didn’t pull away. For a fleeting moment he thought about closing the distance and kissing his angel but decided against it, still thinking there was no way he could ever be good enough for Castiel.

After what felt like a millennia, Dean pulled away. “Hey…” he said, softly. “Let’s go find your daughter.”

“She isn’t _my_ daughter, Dean,” Cas argued, but Dean knew that wasn’t the truth. But he didn’t try and argue it further, knowing that the angel would come around when he was ready.

The duo drove past a convenience store. “Stop! Stop the car!” shouted Cas, prompting Dean to pull over. Without a word, Cas got out of the Impala and began chasing down a small hooded figure. He grabbed her by the wrist, pulled down her hood, and revealed a blonde teenage girl… Claire!

“Where the hell do you think you’re going, little Miss Sunshine?” Dean asked as he got out of the car.

Cas removed a revolver from Claire’s hoodie pocket. “Were you planning on robbing this convenience store?” he asked in a stern voice.

“Yeah, so?” she asked, roughly pulling away, her voice full of teen angst.

“So? So it’s _wrong!”_ Cas said, flabbergasted. He balled his fists to keep them from shaking.

“Wow,” Claire said with fire in her eyes. “You want to lecture me about wrong? You killed my dad! Is that _wrong_ enough for you,” she said, her eyes daggers.

“I didn’t-” Cas started.

“No, you didn’t? Really?” Claire screamed, voice rising. “If it weren’t for you he’d still be alive!” she said walking away.

Cas stopped in his tracks, stunned, not making a move to follow her.

“Claire, wait!” Dean said, taking a step forward only to which Claire flip him off. “Whoa, hey, Miley Cyrus. Inappropriate,” he said, still following her.

“Screw you, Chris Redfield. Don’t you have boulders to punch or something?” she said. Dean stopped, not understanding the Resident Evil reference. Claire continued to walk away only pausing long enough to say, almost too quiet for Dean to hear, “I used to pray to you, Castiel. Every night. I would beg and plead you to bring him home safe,” she said, her voice cracking.

“I know, Claire. I’m so sorry,” Cas said, remembering every word of every prayer.

“No, you’re not. You just feel guilty,” she said. She then turned and sprinted down an alley.

“Cas we’ve got to follow her!” Dean said, sprinting after her with Cas at his heels.

They followed Claire into alley after alley not sure if she even knew where she was headed, eventually she made a wrong turn and came to a halt, the alley ending at a building’s brick wall.

Castiel approached her slowly, his hands out in front of him even though she no longer had her weapon. It was as if he were approaching a frightened animal. “I know you don’t want to come with me, Claire,” he said, keeping a comfortable distance between them. “But at least let me pay for you to stay at a nice hotel. Where… where have you been living when you’re not at the child prison?” he asked her with genuine concern in his voice.

“I’ve been squatting, mostly,” the girl admitted. “I don’t really have a place to go what with Gran being dead and mom abandoning me… That’s your fault too, you know,” she said, all but spitting at his feet.

“I know,” Cas said with sorrow his eyes. “I know, that I can never return to you what you’ve lost. I can never take back the pain I caused you. I am not your father… but I can still be your friend… I can keep your fed and clothed and off the streets. You won’t have to steal anymore or be locked up… I know you took my wallet. Keep the money. There’s more where that came from… But you have to let me help you. Help me help you, Claire,” he said with a tear rolling down his cheek. _I didn’t know angels cried_ , Dean thought, close to tears himself.

By this point Claire’s shoulders were shaking with tears of her own. She nodded. Cas slowly approached her, hands still out, but Claire ran to him and hugged him tight. And all was right in the world. Well, at least for the moment.

Cas got Claire set up at an actual hotel. _How the hell can Cas afford this place?_ Dean wondered, looking around the lobby of the actually nice little hotel. It was so unlike the shitty motels he was used to.

Cas and Claire were saying their goodbyes so Dean went back to the Impala to give the two a little more privacy. Then, with Cas riding shotgun, he drove back to the burger joint they had eaten at when he first arrived and found Cas’s car (Hannah’s old car) still parked in the lot. Dean pulled up next to it and turned off the engine, turning to his friend. Cas had not said a word the entire time. Not since he had said goodbye to Claire. “So-” he started but Cas turned and put his hand on Dean’s.

“Thank you,” Cas said looking deep into Dean’s eyes. “There are very few people on heaven or earth who would do something like that for me…” he said with a small smile.

“Well, you’re my best friend,” Dean said not caring if he was starting to sound like a scene out of a rom-com.. “Hell, you’re more than that… You’re-”

“Family?” Cas guessed, finishing his sentence for him.

Dean thought for a second, not sure what to say. “You’re so much more than that,” he said placing a hand on Cas’s cheek and pulling him in until their foreheads touched once more, and his hand slid down his back, just above where his wings should be. But he stopped there, still afraid to go any further. Eventually, Dean let go of his companion, and without saying a word, turned the key. Cas took this as a cue to get back in his own car, stopping at the door for one last look at Dean. On the way home, Dean was deep in thought. His eyes kept flicking to the rear view mirror, making sure he could still see the headlights of Cas’s car following behind him. Making sure he hadn’t scared him away...

End of chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know... You want Destiel. I promise it'll happen soon! Just hang in there.
> 
> In the meantime check out this art by DanglingThpider on Deviantart [[x]](http://danglingthpider.deviantart.com/art/Destiel-Stay-412941503) (if you own this art and would like me to take it down please let me know) xoxo


	8. The Hunter Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I promise Destiel is coming! xoxo

  **Chapter 8**

Dean had arrived back home after dropping Claire off at the hotel with Castiel. He pulled into the hidden driveway behind the bunker and Cas parked next to him. “Hey,” Dean said, approaching the vehicle, even though he had only just talked to the other man a couple of hours ago. Suddenly, Dean felt very awkward. He was still unsure about what Cas had thought of their closeness earlier that day. He didn’t quite know what to do with his hands so he shoved them in his pockets. The angel gave him a curious look and squinted his eyes a bit, as if expecting Dean to say something else. But nothing else came. So Dean just stood there kicking gravel like an idiot.

“I’m just glad she’s safe, you know?” he said breaking the excruciatingly long silence.

“Yes. I, uh, think she’s going to be ok,” Cas said with a smile. Dean couldn’t help but beam back. He loved seeing those rare moments of happiness from his angel. It was always refreshing, considering all he’d been through. Cas had given up everything for Dean. He said so himself all those years ago, Dean recalled.

* * *

" _You pray to loud,” Castiel said, and the street preacher collapsed onto the ground._

_He grabbed Dean by the shirt and slammed him against the brick wall, passersbys seeming not to notice… or care. “What, are you crazy?” Dean asked, wind knocked out of him._

_The angel then dragged Dean across the alley, punching him in the face as he went._

_“I rebelled for this?!” Castiel shouted. “So that you could surrender to them?!” he said, continuing to beat Dean until he was bloody._

_“Cas! Please!” was all Dean was able to get out between blows._

_“I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me,” the angel growled._

_Dean received another punch to the face and then he felt a kick in his gut. He flew into the chain link fence behind him, crashing into a crumpled heap on the dirty wet street. His angel approached him with malice in his eyes but did not make a move. “Do it… Just do it!” Dean had shouted, thinking for sure Cas was going to kill him._

_But he didn’t. Instead he looked at him with pity, unclenched his fist and touched Dean’s shoulder. Everything went dark._

* * *

Dean remembered the moment with clarity. Cas was angry at Dean for wanting to surrender to the will of the angels, for wanting to say yes to Michael, becoming his vessel. He felt betrayed because he _fell_ for Dean. He rebelled against Heaven for Dean. He sacrificed everything he had known for centuries. All for Dean. _I’m doing this for you, Dean. I’m doing this BECAUSE of you_ , Cas’s voice echoed in his head.

And not only that, but he had pulled Dean from Hell. He would still be down there if it weren’t for Cas, being tortured by Alastair. Torturing others... Dean owed Cas everything. He owed him his life, his very soul.

And yet, it was more than that. Cas was always there for him. He heard every prayer and came to his aid whenever he called. He watched over him and protected him, even when Dean hated him for it. He was his own guardian angel. Over the years, Dean came to think of Cas as a friend and brother, despite his quirkiness. Or maybe _because_ of it. Because, when Castiel wasn’t a badass scary-as-fuck angel, he was, well, adorable... Dean taught him freewill. Together they were “Team Free Will.” Together they took down the apocalypse. Castiel was his rock. He kept him grounded and reminded him who he was. In Purgatory. On Earth. No matter where Dean was, he knew who he wanted by his side.

“Is everything alright, Dean?” Cas asked, noticing Dean was deep in thought.

“Yeah. It’s just-” But then his phone buzzed. He looked down at the screen. It said 666. “I’d better take this,” he said knowing that if Crowley was calling it must be important.

“Hey, I found it, the First Blade,” said the limey voice.

“Huh?” Dean asked. He had no clue what Crowley was talking about. “Why would I want that thing? You _know_ what it did to me.”

He felt Cas rip the phone out of his hand. “Crowley, Dean doesn’t know,” he explained to the King of Hell.

“Don’t know _what?_ Cas, what’s going on?” Dean asked, attempting to take his phone back from the angel, but Cas turned and began walking down the driveway towards the bunker.

“Call Sam,” he said, hanging up. He turned back to Dean with a sigh. “Sorry, what were you saying?” he asked, attempting to return to the earlier conversation.

“Seriously, Cas! What the fuck was all that about?” Dean asked, no longer thinking about what they had been previously discussing.

“I think we should go inside and talk to Sam,” Cas said, attempting to walk back to the bunker. But Dean put out an arm to stop him, touching his chest.

“No. I want _you_ to tell me.”

Cas sighed and looked at Dean seriously. “The other night while you were asleep, I contacted Heaven to retrieve Metatron. He is currently chained up in the dungeon.”

“What the hell, Cas! Why?” Dean asked angrily.

“Sam and I needed to interrogate him on how to remove the Mark of Cain. We’re running out of options, Dean. Your dreams are getting worse. It’s only a matter of time before you… do something,” Cas answered, looking down at Dean’s hand still on his chest.

Dean took a deep breath to steady himself. He removed his hand from Cas and asked, “Ok, but how is Crowley involved? He’s the one who gave me the Blade back in the first place! It made me go all ‘Deanmon’, remember?”

“We need the Blade in order to cure you of the Mark,” Cas said with a worried look on his face.

“And Crowley’s the only person who knows where it is… Shit,” Dean sighed. “What else do you know?” he asked.

“You know as much as we know, Dean. It’s not a perfect plan, but if the Mark can be removed then we have to try… Even if it’s a long shot,” Cas said, not looking convinced of what he was saying. “We should talk to Metatron again. See what else he knows,” he suggested.

Dean and Cas joined Sam in the dungeon. Metatron was bound to a chair in the center of the room, as Dean had been. The second Dean saw him the Mark flared up, red, raw, and irritating. He approached the Scribe of God. “I’m gonna ask this exactly once before it gets ugly. What is the next step in removing the Mark?” he asked, cracking his knuckles.

“It’s like I told your brother, information ain’t cheap, my boy. Each step is going to cost you,” he replied.

Dean let out a dark chuckle. “Now, I think you’re confused. See, each step you don’t give me is gonna cost _you_. And it’s been a _long_ time coming. I mean, where do I begin? Stealing Cas’s grace. Casting out the angels. Making Gadreel kill Kevin using my brother’s own hands. Starting an all-out angel war… And, oh yeah, you killed me. There’s that too,” he said with a humorless smile.

“Oh this is rich,” Metatron chuckled. “My morality is being judged by Dean Winchester, of all people? Do you know how many people have died because of you? Because they trusted you? How many times have you lied to the people you _pretend_ to love because of the ‘greater good?’”

Dean didn’t think, didn't hesitate. He just punched him. Right in his stupid face. And it felt good. Too good. But Dean didn’t care. The little bastard deserved it.

Metatron only chuckled again, blood dripping down his face. “Dean, Dean, Dean. Surely even _you’ve_ noticed that whenever that Mark of yours gets all twitchy, and you let it take over, you fall deeper under its spell. You aren’t in charge anymore, bucko. And one of these days it’ll be your brother or your angel who you go off on. You will singlehandedly kill everything and everyone you love. And then you’ll be alone. Forever.” Dean punched him again. Harder this time.

“I’m not playing around. What’s the next step?” Dean asked, impatiently.

“What is it you humans say so ineloquently? Oh, yes… go fuck yourself,” Metatron said, spitting out blood.

Dean turned to Cas, who was watching intently in case things got out of hand. “Give me your angel blade,” he demanded.

“Dean-” Cas began to argue.

“Angel blade. Now,” Dean demanded more forcefully.

“I promised Heaven I’d bring him back unscathed,” he said, but handed him the blade anyway.

Dean put the blade to Metatron’s throat. “What is the next step?” he asked, again.

Metatron said nothing.

“What is,” Dean cut his face, slicing into the delicate flesh, “the next step?” he asked, moving the blade down his chest, slicing into his shirt. Blood and a glimmer of angel grace seeped out as the angel screamed.

“Dean, that’s enough,” Cas said behind him.

But Dean didn’t stop. He continued to push the blade deeper and deeper, causing his victim to scream out for mercy. At long last he said, “the river shall end at the source,” as if that was the answer that would make Dean stop.

Dean raised the blade, once again, to the little man’s throat, but Cas placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder, calming him down slightly. He took the blade back from him and said, “You’re killing him. I have to take him back.”

Metatron was breathing heavily. “You realize he’s only going to get worse,” he said as Cas released him.

Later that night, Dean was laying down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, when Cas returned. He knew Cas was there, he could see him through the grates, but he didn’t move to let him in. Cas creaked open the old wooden door, and slowly moved across the room to Dean’s bed. Tentatively, he sat on the edge, as he had done before. After a moment, heaved a great sigh and said, “That monster is back behind bars where he belongs... Honestly, the angels weren’t too upset he came back damaged. They know he deserved it.”

“He’s right you know. This is only going to get worse,” Dean said, sitting up and moving his legs over the edge to sit next to Cas.

“We can figure this out, Dean. We always do. We’ve faced worse,” Cas said, turning to look at him.

“Yeah, well, maybe I’m beyond saving,” Dean said, meeting his eyes.

“Nobody is beyond saving. Not truly. There’s always hope for redemption… There was for me… After all I did. After Naomi, after the Leviathan, you still forgave me,” he said placing his hand on Dean’s thigh. “Dean, no matter what happens, you know I’ll be here, right? After _everything_ we’ve shared, you have to know, you mean more to me than Heaven itself,” he said, his eyes deep pools of sparkling blue. Those eyes that seemed to pierce his very soul.

Dean took a deep breath, staring back at _his_ angel, and closed the small distance between them on the bed. Their lips met, soft and warm, in a kiss that was long past overdue. Dean leaned into the kiss, pulling Cas close; his lips parting slightly, breathing him in. Cas kissed him back with gusto, his hands slowly moving down Dean’s back, as Dean grasped at Cas’s hair, pulling him even closer. Cas moved both hands to Dean’s chest and pushed him gently. They fell against his bed in a mess of tongues and limbs, and Dean forgot the world. They kissed until lips became raw and breathing became heavy.

When they pulled apart, Cas’s hair was tousled. He looked beautifully disheveled, just as he did the night they met in the barn six years ago. That cold night, as sparks flew, his angel’s wings casting shadows on the wall. The night Castiel spoke to Dean for the first time. _“I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition,”_ he had said in a deep gravely voice. That was the moment, all those years ago, that Dean knew his life would never be the same again.

End of chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! And it only took me, 8 chapters and, like, 17,000 words to get there! Smut coming soon ;)
> 
> Please check out this music video, Demons by soberdenatural (again) to set the tone of this chapter [[x]](https://youtu.be/uK4N2gS05lE)
> 
> Also, this picture by NaShu on Deviantart [[x]](http://nasyu.deviantart.com/art/Mine-285130437)
> 
> Again, if you own these links and would like them taken down, please ask.


	9. No Place Like Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this still follows the general plot of season 10 so be prepared for that. Not everything is going to be flowers and rainbows. ESPECIALLY in the season 11... muhahahah. ;)

**Chapter 9**

“I can’t believe I waited so long to do that,” Dean said, pulling away from their first kiss, foreheads still pressed together as if he couldn’t bare the thought of being even an inch apart.

“Was it worth the wait?” Cas said, his voice gravely and slightly deeper than normal.

“Every second,” Dean said, pulling Cas in for another kiss, his hand on the nape of his neck. It just felt so good, so _right_. He was no longer sure what he used to be afraid of. Of course Cas felt the same way about him! He felt blind for not seeing it earlier.

He shifted so that he was laying back on the pillows and pulled Cas up so he could rest his head on Dean’s chest, stroking his hair as he did so. They laid like that until they fell asleep, not saying a word, just listening to each other breathe.

The next morning Dean woke up to find that Cas had not left in the middle of the night. He was still laying there next to him, head still resting on his chest as before. His breathing was slow and steady as he slept, looking more peaceful than Dean had ever seen him. _I never want this moment to end_ , Dean thought as he ran his hand down Cas’s back.

 _But all good things must come to an end…_ Dean heard a small knock on his door, and Sam’s voice saying, “Hey, Dean? I think you’ll want to see this.” _Shit! Shit! Shit!_ Dean thought, desperately trying to come up with a plan. Maybe he could hide Cas under the bed? Or behind the door? But then he looked down at Cas’s sleeping form, at his beautiful face, his adorably messy hair. _Screw it_ , he thought, and shifted carefully out of bed so as not to wake the sleeping angel. Sammy was going to find out sooner or later, he supposed.

Dean opened the door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he did so. “What, Sam?” Dean asked in a hushed tone.

Sam, tipped off by Dean’s whispering, scanned his room, hoping to God that Dean didn’t bring a girl back the bunker. His eyes widened a bit when he saw Cas, but composed himself quickly, turning back to Dean. “Hey, um, check this out,” he said, holding up his tablet. He pressed play on a video, phone camera footage, of what looked a redheaded woman with a bob beating the shit out of some guy.

“Charlie?!” Dean asked, stunned.

But Sam was looking over Dean’s shoulder now, at the sleeping angel in his bed. “So… You and Cas?” he asked, trying to be casual about it.

Dean resisted the urge to evade the question with humor. _The cat’s out of the bag now_ , he thought with a sigh. “Yeah,” he said with an unconscious smile. “What about it?” he asked, crossing his arms but still grinning like an idiot.

“Nothing, just, uh, it’s good, you know? I’m really happy for you guys,” Sam said, also smiling. “I mean, everyone’s known for a while… Well, everyone except you two. It was kinda pathetic actually,” he said chuckling.

“Yeah, well, _you’re_ pathetic,” Dean said, it was the best he could come up with.

“Dean…?” came a quiet voice from the bedroom, both he and Sam turned around to look.

Cas was sitting up in bed, eyes wide with worry and sheets pulled up to his chin, looking from Dean to Sam. His face was red with embarrassment. “Be right there,” Dean said to Cas, turning back to Sam, “Can you give me a second? Actually, more than a second. Can we talk again in like an hour?” he asked, his eyes pleading.

Sam nodded, understanding. He turned and left and Dean went back into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

“What’s up, angel?” he asked, trying out the pet-name.

“It’s just… Sam…” Cas started, but Dean crossed the room and sat down next to him on the bed, on top of the comforter. Cas lowered the sheets, resting them over his lap, no longer trying to hide.

“It’s ok. He knows,” Dean replied. He kept his distance just in case he was having second thoughts.

Cas sighed and said, quietly, “I’m not sure I even know what _this_ is,” he said, gesturing between them. Clearly flustered, he continued, “Not really... I know that, for whatever reason, your society has certain taboos around… this kind of activity. I just wanted to know… I was wondering… um… are we…?” He gave Dean a squinty-eyed head tilt, trying to read his face. _Is Cas trying to DTR?_ Dean wondered.

“Well, that depends… I _really_ like you, Cas. Like, a lot. I have for while now. Since Purgatory. Maybe even before that...  But I understand if you don’t want to take this thing further. I mean, last night… It was great and, well, I’d like to see more of that in the future. But if you want to pretend it never happened and go back to the way things were before, I get it,” Dean said, twisting the bed sheets as he talked.

Normally he’d make a joke about this being a “rom com moment.” He’d joke that his life felt like a “chick flick” and that he was “turning into a girl,” or something. But Cas didn’t deserve Dean’s usual brand of bullshit. Dean was _done_ playing macho around Cas. He deserved the truth. Cas deserved all of Dean, the _real_ Dean.

“You think that I don’t want this?” Cas asked, eyes growing wide. “I’ve wanted this since before I pulled you from Hell. I saw your _soul_ , Dean... I’ve said before that we share a profound bond but it is _so much more_ than that,” he finished, his eyes intense and focused as if Dean were the only thing in the entire universe that mattered.

He scooted closer to Dean so that their thighs were touching, only separated by a thin layer of sheets and blankets. Dean put his arm around Cas and got under the covers beside him, both were clad only in boxers and tee-shirts. He pulled Cas close so that their foreheads were touching again and put his arms around his shoulders. Dean wanted to savor every moment. He sighed and Cas nestled into him, returning the embrace. Their cheeks were pressed together now, their legs intertwined. Cas’s legs were just as hairy as his own, not the smooth and freshly shaven texture he was used to. This was a relatively new sensation for Dean, but one he surprisingly enjoyed. He kissed his cheek and felt stubble brush across his lower lip. He wondered if angels had to shave or if Jimmy has simply has stubble when Cas took possession of his vessel. The next moments seemed to move in slow motion as Dean began to explore every inch of his angel. _His_ angel.

* * *

He returns his lips to Cas’s and pushes him back against the pillows so that he can maneuver on top of him. Dean kisses him again, slowly tasting him, breathing in his scent. His lips veer gently off of Cas’s and he begins working his way down his neck, biting softly as he goes. This entices a small gasp from Cas. But instead of pushing him away, Castiel pulls him closer, grabbing at the back of his shirt with his nails. Dean slips a leg between Cas’s and feels that he is already getting hard against his thigh. He thrusts ever so slightly so that his cock rubs against Cas’s. Another small moan escapes the angels lips.

Cas looks at him with big baby blues. “I’d like to try something now, if that’s alright,” he said, shyly.

Dean nods and says, “Just do what feels natural. Don’t fight it.”

First Cas coaxes Dean’s shirt off and then, without warning, Cas flips him around so that he is now on top of Dean, taking his own shirt off and kicking the now-too-hot covers off in the process.

Dean is surprised, but also _not_ surprised, by how much he enjoys the sudden change in position. He reaches up and roughly grabs Cas’s ass, and pushes him down so that they’re rubbing against each other again. Cas kisses Dean, first on the lips but then moves down his chest, sucking and licking as he goes. He makes his way down Dean’s stomach and slips his hand into his boxers. He can feel him wrap his hand around his now-hard cock, stroking it gently at first but then more firmly. His hands moving up and down the shaft making Dean hiss with anticipation. He shrinks out of his boxers to give him better access and starts to guide Cas’s hand, showing him what to do, where to stroke, what feels good. Cas begins to move his hand as Dean demonstrated, harder and faster, until a bead of pre-cum forms at the tip. Dean gasps out, craving more, but Cas has other plans.

Cas begins kissing him again, moving down his stomach and down to his hip. He evades Dean’s cock entirely and kisses his inner thigh. _Such a tease_ , Dean thinks despite the fact that he is loving every _second_ of it.

At long last Cas moves his attention to Dean’s swollen erection. He feels Cas’s mouth, hot and wet, form around his dick and he swirls his tongue around the head, bobbing up and down as he goes. Dean twitches and moans into the pillow. It’s sloppy, Cas is clearly inexperienced, but it is _oh_ so good. Dean knows he won’t be long now, not with Cas doing the very thing he’s dreamed of him doing for years, all those lonely nights where he allowed his thoughts to imagine Castiel rubbing against him in the dark.

Cas swirls his tongue again and Dean’s cock twitches, his hips thrusting forward. He is unable to think, unable to breathe. That was all it took. Dean convulsed, and came, right into Cas’s mouth.

* * *

Dean laid sprawled out with Cas’s head resting on his stomach, both men panting. He traced lines into Cas’s back, thinking of how much time they had wasted. About how much of _this_ they could have been doing. He wanted to return the favor. He wanted to give Cas the same pleasure he’d given him. The thought of exploring Cas with his mouth and tongue was exciting, to say the least. Definitely something he wanted to try.

“Lay back, angel, let me make you feel special,” Dean said after he cooled off.

“But, Dean...” Cas said, lifting his head to look Dean in the eyes, his eyebrows scrunching together. “I… I know this vessel, _my_ vessel, isn’t what you’d normally… prefer,” he said after a long pause.

“What...?” Dean asked, confused. “How can you think that after all _that_ I don’t actually want to be with you in that way? That’s crazy talk!”

“Dean it’s one thing for me to be the one to… please you, but it’s entirely another thing to expect you to do the same for me. When I was… kissing you… down _there_ , you could imagine I was someone else. Someone more… appealing... to your tastes. But if you do… do _that_ to me, the… the illusion would be broken. You’d know my vessel is… is… the wrong vessel…” Cas stammered, looking away from Dean. He looked pensive and distant, as if he were remembering another life, another vessel maybe.

Dean was stunned for a second. How could he not know that Dean wanted _him_ . Wanted _all_ of him. “Cas…” he said softly, pulling him closer against his chest. They were silent for some time before Dean spoke again, “I’ve never told anyone this, but, uh, when I was twelve I had this crush. My first crush actually…. _His_ name was Aaron… I, uh… he was almost my first kiss… Almost. But then my dad came to pick me up after school. He… he caught us holding hands under the bleachers… He stopped us right as I leaned in to... Well, anyway, I remember how angry he was. ‘No son of mine’ he kept saying… he pulled me out of school the next day. Just packed up and moved to the next town, next case. I didn’t even get to say goodbye…” he said, his voice cracking a little. He rubbed his eyes and was surprised to find moisture there. “I guess that’s why I slept around so much. I like women, believe me, I do. I just… I never forgot Aaron. And I never forgave myself for letting us get caught. If I hadn’t… well, things might’ve turned out differently, you know? You and me could’ve…” he stopped short, not wanting to finish the sentence.

“It’s best to not think about what could’ve been, _believe_ me. Instead one should focus on the now...” spoke Cas. “Thank you, Dean, for sharing that with me. I know it couldn’t have been easy to open up like that…”

“Well, we’re together now so I thought I’d let you in… I mean, if that’s what you want… To be with me, that is… In a, uh, relationship, or something...” Dean said, now the insecure one.

Cas looked at Dean, studying his face. He reached up and ran his fingers down his cheek, brushing his lip gently on the way down.

“I told you, Dean, I’ve wanted this for a long time,” he said, remembering the very moment when he realized that there was a strong possibility that Dean could, possibly, maybe, feel the same way.

_Naomi has control over him. He feels himself hit Dean once and then again. He can’t stop. He begs Naomi to let him stop. He can’t stop. “Cas, this isn’t you. This isn’t you,” Dean says, pleading. He hits him again. Harder. All Dean manages to say is Cas’ name over and over in a heavy wheeze, blood pouring down his face. Then he lifts his blade. Dean puts his hands out and grabs Cas’s arm with a surprising amount of strength. “Cas, I know you’re in there,” he says, “I know you can hear me… It’s me… Your family… We need you… I need you.” Cas knew in that moment that Dean was in love with him. He could see it in his eyes. He could sense it. In that moment of pure love Dean broke Naomi’s spell, releasing Cas from her clutches. Cas had always loved Dean, of course. He knew this from the very moment he took hold of him in Hell. He just knew._

Cas blinked away the memory and took Dean’s hand in his own, kissing the back of it. It was clear to him now that his earlier fears about Dean were not based on reality.

“Dean, I think I…” Cas began to say but stopped himself. _Is it too soon?_ he wondered, not quite knowing the human protocol for telling someone you loved them. Instead he pulled Dean even closer, squeezing him tightly. They laid silent, in each other’s arms, for what felt like an eternity.

“Oh shit,” Dean said, noticing the clock. “It’s been like two hours!” he said giving Cas a kiss on the top of the head and sitting up.

“Yes, well, the Charlie thing is probably something we shouldn’t keep waiting,” Cas said, reluctantly.

“We’ll continue this later. I promise,” Dean said, getting out of bed and putting on pants.

After the two of them had gotten dressed, they met Sam downstairs. He was sitting at the map table reading a book when they walked in.

“You guys are late,” he said, not looking up.

“So, Charlie, huh?” Dean asked, ignoring the comment.

“Yeah, well, it looks like Charlie struck again. She beat the crap out of another guy in Topeka,” he said, gesturing to his tablet.

Dean picked it up and began reading the article. “I can’t believe this...  Our Charlie? She wouldn't hurt a Hobbit… She practically sparkles for fuck’s sake. Why would she torture someone without a reason?”

“From what you’ve told me, I don’t think she would, Dean,” Cas said, he had been reading over Dean’s shoulder, chin resting on his shoulder, hand absently migrating to his hip, like nothing in the world was more natural.

“I tried calling her, but she didn’t answer… I’m thinking we should try to go to Topeka. Talk to her. See what she’s up to,” Sam suggested.

* * *

So they drove the relatively short distance to Topeka. It was only a half hour trip but Sam insisted he take the back seat so that Cas and Dean could sit next to each other up front. There was no arguing that the new seating arrangements were nice. It gave Dean the opportunity to hold Cas’s hand while he drove.

Later, on the way back to the bunker with Charlie in the back seat, Dean thought about all the weirdness that went down that day.

It turned out Charlie was tracking down the drunk driver who killed her parents and that her real name was Celeste. Also, there were _two_ Charlies. A good Charlie and a bad Charlie, split in Oz so that she could release her “inner darkness” or whatever. So she could win the war in Emerald City.

This by itself was plenty weird enough but then they learned that the two Charlies were connected physically somehow. That if one Charlie felt pain so did the other.

All in all, it turned out to be an epically weird evening. They eventually tracked down Dark Charlie and she ran off with Baby, much to Dean’s dismay.

Then, they meet with the Wizard, of all people. He’d been split, good and bad, just like Charlie had. He ended up shooting himself in order to summon the Dark Wizard so that Charlie could get the key - yes literal key - to lock her two parts back in place. Weird.

All of this climaxed with Dean having to showdown with Dark Charlie. He knew that every blow would hurt Good Charlie but he kept going. He just kept hitting her. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t think. _The Mark took hold_ , he remembered with a shudder. Cas put his hand on Dean’s shoulder in the car to settle him just as he did that night.

Cas was his rock. Cas calmed him down when nobody else could. Whenever Dean got like that, just as he was about to go too far, Cas would put a hand on his shoulder. And that was all it took to make Dean stop. Without Cas, this whole Mark thing would be near impossible. There was hope.

Dean turned to look at his angel next to him in the bench seat of the Impala… His angel. His love. _I love you, angel_ , Dean thought, _I love you more than life itself_. But he didn’t say it. It wasn’t the right time. Not now. Not yet....

* * *

“You and Cas, huh?” Charlie, good and bad exactly where they belong, asked with a smirk once they were back at the bunker.

“Yeah. Me and Cas…” Dean said, smirking back.

“He’s really cute, you know... Well, for a guy,” Charlie said with a chuckle.

“He is, isn’t he?” Dean said, a little distantly. He still couldn’t shake what happened earlier. “Hey, I’m sorry about, well, you know…”

“We are going to fix this. I'm not letting what happened to me happen to you,” she said, giving him a hug. And there was that hope, again. He let himself believe that everything _was_ going to be alright.

End of chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved Charlie in this episode so I wanted to add it to my canon. RIP Dark Charlie, you were HOTT.
> 
> Here are some pic links, as always [[x]](http://irensupernatural.deviantart.com/art/Ready-For-Love-604785954) [[x]](http://nasyu.deviantart.com/art/Just-Forget-the-World-221154892)
> 
> And this video is especially beautiful. It's the same rendition of Hallelujah from earlier, but with clips up through season 11. So be warned of spoilers before you watch. [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0I7tC6NGghc)  
>    
> Love you guys! xoxo


	10. The Executioner's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Here is more smut! ;)

**Chapter 10**  

They said their goodbyes to Charlie with big bear hugs all around and Sam made some bull shit excuse to go to bed early, leaving Dean and Cas alone to do… well, whatever the fuck they wanted. So Dean took the opportunity to show Cas the Star Wars movies. At first Cas protested saying that Metatron had already endowed him with the knowledge but eventually he complied.

After they had finished watching a New Hope, they got into a heated debate over the “realism” of the movie. This time Cas had his arm around Dean’s shoulder the entire time. Dean was so used to being the one who took charge in relationships that having someone else play that role for a little while felt pretty damn good.

Cas admitted that, although it wasn’t realistic, he really enjoyed himself and leaned in to give Dean a kiss on the cheek. Then, for a while, they just sat there in the dark, holding each other, Dean nestled into Cas.

“Maybe we can continue where we left off earlier?” Dean suggested, reaching up to kiss Cas.

“My room or yours?” Cas asked, returning the kiss.

“What’s wrong with right here?” Dean asked. “Sam’s not gonna come back down here, don’t worry.”

Dean straddled Cas, facing him, his eyes enticing. They began to kiss, softly at first, but the kiss turned desperate as Cas dug his nails into Dean’s back. From this position, Dean could feel Cas’s cock pressed against his own, as he kissed his way down his neck and unbuttoned his shirt and undid his tie.

He leaned back to look at his angel, trench coat still on but shirt undone, tie flung over the couch somewhere. He began to undo his belt, hands shaking slightly.

“If you aren’t ready we don’t-” Cas started but Dean interrupted him with a kiss.

He tried to pull Cas’s pants down but the position wasn’t right. Cas moved so that he was laying on the couch and pulled Dean on top of him, slinking out of his black trousers and boxers as he did so, his now free cock curved towards his stomach.

Dean took off his own pants so that he was only in his boxers and flannel. He began roughly kissing Cas, his tongue exploring as he went down his neck and chest. He kissed down his stomach and paused at his cock, grabbing at it, tentatively, Dean gasping softly as he did so. It was the first time he had touched another man’s dick, it felt similar to his own but also different. It felt better somehow. Much better. And hot. _So_ hot. He moved his hand up and down, pleasuring Cas as he had himself the past twenty years or so. Cas, arched his back and moaned with ecstasy.

Dean smiled, loving the idea of being able to make his angel writhe with pleasure. He bent over to kiss him below the belly button. Then, took a deep breath, and put his mouth around his swollen cock. It was warm and thick as he began moving up and down, sucking and licking the shaft. He licked the cock head and Cas let out a low moan. Dean continued to swirl his tongue around, flicking it over the slit.

This was too much for Cas, _“Oh shit! "_ he screamed, cursing uncharacteristically, and came, salty and hot into Dean’s mouth.

“Oh god… Cas… Wow,” was all Dean could say as rested his head on Cas’s stomach.

He must've fallen asleep there because the next morning he was startled awake by a loud “OH GOD! Guys! Get a room!” from Sam.

“We’re in a room, Sammy,” Dean said, sitting up and handing Cas a pillow to cover himself with.

“No. A _bed_ room. One of _your_ rooms. Not the fucking living room where you’re brother could walk in. Seriously,” he said with his back to them.

“What do you want, Sam?” Dean asked, pulling on his pants.

“Serial killer went missing. High security prison. Warden said the security footage shows him vanishing. Just disappeared into thin air,” Sam replied, careful not to look into the living room as Cas got dressed.

“Sounds like our kind of gig. Especially since you’ve got some sort of serial killer fetish,” Dean teased.

“It’s not a _fetish_. It’s just a hobby."

“Uh huh... So you don’t know how many people Jeffrey Dahmer killed? Off the top of your head?”

“Seventeen,” Sam said, sheepishly.

“I rest my case,” Dean said as Cas, now fully dressed, approached the brothers.

“Dean’s right. This is something we should definitely check out,” he said, heading towards the garage.

“Welp, you heard the man,” Dean said, following Cas. Sam followed behind, shaking his head.

At the prison, the trio reviewed the security footage the warden gave them access to and the warden left the room to handle a situation elsewhere in the prison.

“Wait! Zoom in,” Dean said, spotting a familiar looking prison guard in the video.

Sam enlarged the image and paused on the man’s face.

“Is that… Cain?” Cas asked, looking over Dean’s shoulder.

“Well this situation turned ugly fast,” Dean said, clutching at his Mark.

“Ok. New plan,” Sam said, thinking quickly. “Cas, you try to see if you can get any information about Cain’s whereabouts. Dean and I’ll see if we can dig up anything else from the warden… That is, if you guys can stand to spend the afternoon apart,” he said, smirking.

“Ha ha, very funny, Sam,” Dean huffed, but he gave Cas a quick goodbye kiss in the parking lot anyway, checking to make sure nobody was watching. It may have been 2015, but that didn’t mean that PDA between the two men was going to be easily accepted.

Cas took a cab to find a good crossroads, while Dean and Sam went back inside to ask the warden for more info on the case. They discover that the serial killer, Tommy, had a father who also disappeared.

Because they had time, and because they’ll need his help, Dean ended up calling Crowley to tell him that Cain was back.

“Why don’t you just get your angel _boyfriend_ to help you?” Crowley asked, not happy to hear from Not-Moose.

“Cas _is_ helping, we’re just gonna need the First Blade once he finds Cain,” Dean replied, annoyed by the demon’s typical attitude problem.

“Interesting that you didn’t protest when I called him your boyfriend…” Crowley said nosely.

“Yeah, well… You know,” Dean explained.

“Oh? Are you two official now? We’ll it’s about bloody time,” Crowley said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it, we’re cute or whatever. Can you drop it? We need your help,” Dean explained, not wanting to talk about his love life with Crowley of all people.

Crowley agreed to help them. He was to remain “on call” until Cas could figure out where Cain was exactly.

About half an hour later, Dean received a call from Cas.

“Hey! What’d you find out?” he asked, trying to remain professional-ish and not get distracted with “are you alrights” and “I missed yous.”

“Well, I interrogated a demon. It took some persuasion but I found out that Tommy is dead and that Cain has been killing again. He is trying to rid the world of his bloodline, as far as I can gather. I’ll take a cab back to your location and we can track down Tommy’s next of kin,” Cas filled him in.

“Ok, yeah, sounds good,” Dean said, hanging up.

“What, no ‘I love yous?’” Sam asked with a goofy smile.

“I haven’t told him yet…” Dean started, but then realized what he admitted to Sam, “so you better not say a goddamn word or I swear to god-”

“Alright, alright. Jeez,” Sam said with a chuckle. “I’ll drop it, alright.”

“Yeah, you better,” Dean said, as he leaned against the Impala to wait for Cas.

When Cas arrived, Sam pulled out his laptop and began searching for Tommy’s nearest living relative, his son Austin.

“Looks like he lives in Ohio,” Dean said, reading over his shoulder. “Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s get this son of a bitch,” he said, ready to go.

“So you think that you’re just gonna waltz in there and kill the Father of Murder? You aren’t strong enough, Dean,” Sam protested.

“It has to be me. He told me himself. He said that I would be the one to kill him,” Dean said.

“You’re taking orders from a madman! Dean, think this through,” Sam pleaded.

“Dean is right, Sam. I don’t like it either, but he is the only one who can end this. One way or another, this has to end,” Cas said with a sigh.

The trio retrieved Tommy’s kid from Ohio and decide to use him as bait, despite Sam’s protests. They set up outside of an old barn and wait for Cain, going over the plan again.

“Dean, you don’t have to do this alone. You’re going to need backup,” Cas said, giving him a stern look.

Sam was getting the kid situated so they had a moment to themselves. “No. It has to be me,” Dean said, grabbing his hand. “I know you want to help, babe, but this is something I have to do on my own,” Dean said, the word “babe” slipping out unconsciously.

“Be careful. Please. I can’t lose you. Not now,” Cas said, kissing him.

“I can’t believe we’re using a twelve year old kid as bait,” Sam said, joining them a couple minutes later.

“Neither can I,” said Crowley coming around the corner. “That’s not the ‘Winchester way,’” he said with a chuckle.

“Whatever,” Dean scowled. “You’re only here to hand me the Blade, not to judge my methods.”

“Yeah, about that. I think everyone here would agree that we should keep the Blade out of your hands until Cain is captured, don’t you think?” Crowley asked, his eyes on Cas and Sam.

Sam still wasn’t convinced. “Ok, but then what? What happens when we give Dean the Blade? Are we prepared for-”

Dean cut him off. “We’ll cross that bridge when… if we come to it,” Dean said, his voice shaking slightly. He turned to Cas “I am more than prepared to go down swinging, but with all that’s happened… I’m scared. I… I don’t want… You and me…” he stammered.

Cas seemed to understand because he took Dean in his arms and hugged him tightly, kissing his temple, neither one caring that they had an audience.

Later that night, they set up Austin as bait. He was leaving the barn, seemingly innocent, when Cain arrived.

“Hello, Austin,” he said, “I’m here to kill you.”

“No you won’t,” Castiel said, approaching. He turned to Austin. “Run,” he said as he raised his hand towards Cain. His eyes shining bright blue.

“You can’t stop me,” Cain said, as his hair is blown back by Cas’s normally crippling angelic force.

Cas, puzzled, pulled out his angel blade and began to approach Cain. But Cain was stronger and Cas flew into the air, landing in a truck bed.

Cain walked into the barn and approached the quivering boy. He thrust his blade into his stomach, smiling triumphantly, but the child vanished into a puff of purple smoke.

“Illusion spell, eighteenth century magic. I learnt it from my mother,” Crowley said, revealing himself. “The real child is long gone,” he said, looking down at the Devil’s trap Cain was standing in.

“Clever, but this trap won’t hold me for long, you know,” Cain said with an eerie calm.

“It won’t need to,” Dean said as he, Cas, and Sam entered the barn. “Cas, you ok?” he asked, looking at the angel with concern.

Cas nodded, rubbing his head, “Dean, are you sure you don’t need our help?” Cas asked, looking at his partner with fear in his eyes. “Sam and I think-”

“No, I’m worried about what he… what _I_ could do to you if I lose control,” he said, turning to face his angel. “Listen to me, if I come out and I’m not me, I need you to… take me down. Can you do that? Cas? Please.”

Cas didn’t answer.

“Gladly,” Crowley said, approaching the couple. “If your boyfriend can’t do it, I’ll do it. It’ll be my pleasure,” he said with a smug grin. He handed Dean the Blade.

“Dean?” Cas asked.

“I’m fine,” he said as he approached Cain. “Get out of the barn… Now Cas!” he ordered.

“How does it feel, Dean, to be holding the First Blade again?” Cain asked calmly, appearing to not have overheard the conversation.

“It feels like a means to an end,” Dean said, trying to keep his head.

He lunged at Cain, attempting to stab him but Cain evaded him. Dean tried again, but he was caught by an invisible force and thrown to the ground. He scrambled to his feet and maneuvered to stab Cain again but was caught by his wrist, both men struggling for control of the Blade. 

“You’re a bit weaker than I expected, Dean, even with the Blade,” Cain taunted as Dean lunged at him again. “You’re holding back, aren’t you boy? Well, take it from me, there is no resisting the Mark. You won’t come out of this thing the same as you were.”

“You told me this day would come. You told me that I would have to kill you,” Dean said, struggling.

“Is that so?” Cain asked and flung Dean across the barn. “I’m afraid you misunderstood me, Dean. Your biggest weakness, the thing I noticed the moment I met you, is your reckless bravado. Your _courage._ I let you think you had a chance at killing me, knowing you would bring into battle the one thing I truly want.”

Cain held out his hand and the First Blade flew out of Dean’s hands and into his own. _Oh my god I am fighting a supervillain_ , Dean thought, somewhat defeated. 

Dean ran to attack Cain, not sure what his plan was, but Cain grabbed him by the throat and threw him to the ground. 

“It’s been too long. The _feeling_ of the Blade. It makes me wonder how I ever had the strength to resist,” Cain said turning to Dean. “This may be hard to believe, but I care about you Dean. I truly do. Please know that I’m doing you a favor. I’m saving you.”

“Saving me from what?” Dean grunted from the ground.

“From your fate! My story began when I killed my brother, and that’s where your story will end,” he said, ignoring Dean’s protest. “First, you’ll kill Crowley. There’ll be some strange, mixed feelings on that one, but you’ll justify it. You’ll claim to have your reasons. And then, then, you’ll kill your angel, Castiel. Now that one, I suspect it’ll hurt something awful. The pain of love lost will nearly kill but you’ll survive. You’ll claim it’s for him but really, it’s because the Mark won’t let you die. Not yet. Because then, I fear, will come the murder you _won’t_ survive, your brother Sam. It will end you. You will become something far from human. This world will be lost unto you,” he said, a bit distracted by his monologue.

As he talked he Force pulled Dean to him, grabbing him roughly by the shoulders, giving him an opportunity to spy a knife tucked under his coat.

Cain raided his hand to plunge the First Blade into Dean but Dean was quicker. He grabbed the knife from Cain’s belt and cut off Cain’s hand. The First Blade felt to the ground as Cain grabbed at his wrist, blood spurting from the stump. Dean scrambled to his feet and grabbed the Blade from Cain’s dismembered fingers. He walked behind Cain, and plunged the Blade into his flesh. 

Slowly, Dean walked outside and Crowley held out his hand for the Blade but Dean handed it to Cas instead, not trusting the demon. He disappeared in frustration and Dean collapsed into Cas’s arms.

Cas kissed him on the top of his head, “Dean, I have to hide the Blade now. I’m sorry but I don’t trust you around it,” he said, his voice wavering.

Dean nodded as Sam helped him into the Impala.

Later, back at the bunker, Dean collapsed on the couch, utterly exhausted.

When Cas arrived, he noticed Dean was still asleep so he went to the kitchen to ask Sam how he was doing.

“Cas, I’m worried about him. He’s struggling… Can you stay with him, make sure he’s ok?” Sam asked, already knowing the answer.

Cas nodded and went to the living room to wake Dean up so he could move him to his bed.

Once in bed, Dean grabbed at Cas’s coat, “Please stay. Please... don’t leave,” he whispered.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Cas said, laying down next to him.

End of chapter 10


	11. Inside Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter. Maybe Dean and Cas will do more than just blow each other this time?

**Chapter 11**

Dean felt a warm body against him, he turned and found Cas snoozing by his side, one arm draped over Dean the other clutching a pillow. He looked at his watch, it was six in the morning. They had gotten back around mid-afternoon the previous day, after spending all night fighting Cain. He had been asleep for well over twelve hours but still felt utterly exhausted. Apparently, fighting Bible characters wasn’t easy work.

Cas must’ve felt him stir because he snuggled into his side, hugging Dean close to him, as if he wasn’t sure how many of these moments they had left.

“Morning,” Dean grunted, sleepily, running his hands through Cas’s beautifully disheveled bedhead. _I will never get over how cute he looks in the morning, not even if I live to be a hundred,_ Dean thought, happily, leaning down to kiss his temple.

“Hey,” Cas said, sitting up a little to look at Dean, his eyes overflowing with concern. “I was worried about you… How are you doing, Dean, really?” he asked, reaching up to softly cup his cheek.

“I don’t know… Not good,” Dean admitted, looking away but allowing Cas to put his arm around him. “Cain… he said that I’m going to kill you… and Sam. That it’s my destiny, or something… I’m losing myself… I can feel it getting stronger,” Dean said, tears slipping down his cheek.

Cas pulled Dean closer so that he was resting his head on the angel’s chest. “Shh… Dean… We’ll find a way. I promise you. I promise…” Cas said, rubbing his back in small soothing circles.

“But what if we can’t? What if there isn’t a way?” he sobbed. “Baby, I can’t lose you! Not now… Not after all we’ve been through… I… I… just can’t,” Dean said between sobs. He had meant to tell the angel he loved him. But a thought crossed Dean’s mind. A terrible thought. _What if the Mark if making me fall in love as some sort of punishment,_ he thought, _what if loving him is the reason I kill him?_

Deep down, Dean knew that he’d loved Cas long before he had the Mark, but the thought was too awful to bear. So the words remained unspoken. Instead, he clutched Cas’s shirt and cried. He cried harder than he had since returning from Hell. He would be embarrassed if it were anyone other than Cas. Cas understood. Cas had always understood.

Dean drifted off to sleep again, dreaming terrible dreams. Nightmares. The faces of those he had killed circling around in his mind. Cain’s words following him like a dark mist. He couldn’t escape. There was no escape.

When he awoke, Cas was no longer beside him. Dean panicked, worried that the past few months with Cas had been a dream, a terrible hallucination brought on by the Mark. But before Dean could cry out, Cas poked his head through the door carrying a tray of food.

“Dean! It’s ok. I’m here... I’m not going anywhere,” Cas said, rushing to his side. It was as if he could sense his panic. He placed the tray of food on the bedside table and put his arms around Dean so they were now spooning. He kissed the back of Dean’s head, right below his ear, softly saying his name as he did so.

“Cas? Cas, is this real?” Dean asked, leaning into the embrace, “Are you real?”

Cas chuckled lightly, his face pressed against the back of Dean’s neck. Dean could feel his breath as he talked, it sent shivers up and down his spine.

“Of course this is real,” he said kissing his cheek and slowly turning him around so he was looking at the angel’s blue eyes. “Nothing in all of creation has even been more real,” Cas said, his voice quivering slightly.

Cas leaned in and kissed Dean’s cheek, as if to wipe away his tears. His fingers soft and gentle on Dean’s back.

“I brought you some breakfast, pancakes and bacon, if you’re hungry,” Cas said, his lips brushing against Dean’s face. “Or you could sleep more, if you want. Whatever you need,” he said, kissing the bridge of Dean’s nose, and then moving to softly kiss his lips.

Dean kissed him back, softly at first but then the kiss turned desperate and rough. He pulled Cas close and rolled over so that Cas was lying on top of him, kissing along his jawline.

“I need you,” was all he said, and began ripping the buttons of the angel’s shirt in desperation. He pulled his trench coat and shirt off together, leaving the angel in only his tie and black slacks, and began kissing his neck, lightly tugging at the soft skin with his teeth. The angel let out a small hiss of pleasure and began pulling at the hem of Dean’s shirt, coaxing him to remove his shirt and flannel in a single swift movement, tossing them uncaringly across the room.

Dean made his way down Cas’s chest, kissing his skin as he did so, eliciting soft moans from the angel. He licked the sensitive skin around his nipple and Cas dug his fingers into Dean’s bare back, scratching softly. Dean tugged Cas closer by his tie. _God that’s hot,_ he thought. Leaving the tie on was _definitely_ a good idea.

“I _need_ you,” Dean repeated as he undid Cas’s belt. He was more sure of himself this time as he helped Cas shrink out of his pants, throwing them and his boxers to the floor.

With desperate fingers, Cas began undoing Dean’s pants as well, until both men were lying naked and pressed together, Cas still wearing the tie of course. Dean felt Cas’s swollen cock rub against his own as he thrust against him. He reached for Cas’s ass and squeezed tightly, pulling him closer to him.

“Cas, can I try something?” Dean asked, hopeful. Cas nodded and Dean slid his pinkie along Cas’s crack, making him arch his back at the new sensation.

Dean took a deep breath, this was new for him too, but even so, he knew what to do. He traced his finger around his hole, causing the angel to gasp softly, and slipped his smallest finger in. Cas let out a small hiss.

“Am I hurting you?” Dean asked with concern.

“You cannot hurt me Dean. There’s no need to be gentle,” Cas huffed.

This excited Dean more than he was willing to admit so he slipped another finger in. Cas was surprisingly tight and warm as Dean began scissoring around, yet another finger sliding in.

“This is unnecessary,” Cas groaned and pulled Dean’s cock towards him, so that it was pressing against the tender flesh Dean was previously exploring, clutching Dean’s arms as he entered him. He was positioned on top of Dean, riding his cock like a fucking angelic cowboy, making Dean lose his mind.

“Oh god, Cas! Oh god,” was all Dean could say as he thrust into him.

Cas’s cock was between them, bobbing up and down with each thrust. It looked lonely so Dean took it in his hands and began pumping up and down, trying to keep rhythm as he moved with the angel.

Cas shouted his name as he came white and hot onto Dean’s chest. Dean quickly followed, his cock twitching as it shot into him, breathing hard.

Their breathing slowed. Dean still inside him, going soft but not caring. He looked up at his angel and saw him looking at him with the same long stare that always painted his face. In that moment he had a sudden realization. He now understood what the previously-undecipherable look meant. What it had always meant. Dean realized, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the look was love. It had always been love. His angel loved him back and he was so stupid for thinking otherwise.

Dean stared back at his angel but didn’t say anything. Dean didn’t confess his feelings very often. It wasn’t something he took lightly and it certainly wasn’t something he was going to say after sex. He wasn’t about to pull _that_ class-act move.

“Hey,” Dean said, rolling over to rummage through his nightstand, “I want you to have this,” he said pulling out the prop Samulet.

“Dean, I can’t…”

“Sure you can!” he said, putting it around Cas’s neck, on top of his tie, “One) it isn’t the real amulet and B) even if it was I’d want you to have it… I was wearing it when we first met _and_ this one came from that stupid musical so…” he explained pulling Cas in by the tie for a kiss.

“Well if you insist,” Cas said with a smirk.

Dean kissed him again, he couldn’t help himself. His angel was too cute not to. But then his stomach growled and he remembered the tray of food Cas had brought him.

“Coffee’s probably cold,” he said, reaching for the plate, and taking a bite of cool bacon. “Bacon’s good though.”

Cas stared at him as he ate, appearing to be deep in thought. At long last he spoke, “I need to take care of something. Will you be ok, here alone?” he asked, pulling on his clothes.

“Yeah, I guess,” Dean said, a little confused. _You don’t own him_ , he thought, _he has other shit in his life besides you._

“I’ll be back later,” Cas said, taking off his tie and leaning in to kiss Dean on the head.

“Wait,” Dean said, stopping him. “No tie?”

“I can’t very well wear two neck garnishments, can I?” he said, his fingers closing around the amulet, making Dean grin. “Eat your breakfast. Don’t worry about me.” And with that, Cas pulled on his coat and left the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Castiel made his way to the map room where he found Sam on his laptop. Upon seeing him, Sam quickly closed it, looking slightly embarrassed. His embarrassment lessened a little when he noticed the samulet.

“You’re wearing his necklace?” he asked, goofy smile plastering his face. “God you guys are _so_ cute.”

“Dean is having nightmares, Sam. He isn’t… He’s getting worse…” Cas stammered.

“Yeah… I know. We have to get rid of the Mark… We’ve got to talk to Metatron again, Cas, find out what else he knows,” Sam said, with a sigh, not liking the idea much.

“If it’s our only option…” Cas trailed off, absently playing with Dean’s-- no _his_ amulet.

Cas and Sam made their way to the playground where the portal to Heaven was located.

“That’s far enough, Castiel,” the angelic guard said as the two men approached. “I have orders. You aren’t allowed upstairs.”

“On whose authority?” Cas asked, taking a step closer.

Just then, the door to Heaven opened and the guard’s vessel went slack, blue light leaving his mouth. A second later, another blue light entered, and the new occupant turned to face the men.

“Hello, Castiel,” he, or rather, _she_ said.

“Hannah,” Cas said.

“I swore I’d never occupy another vessel… but we need to have this conversation face-to-face,” the other angel said, a sad look in her vessel’s eyes.

“What conversation?” Cas asked, taking yet another step towards the sandbox entrance.

“What do you want in Heaven, Castiel?” Hannah asked, answering his question with yet another question.

“We’re here for Metatron,” Cas explained, his posture squared, not wanting to argue.

“Why? Is this about your grace? Are you fading further?” Hannah asked with concern.

“No. I’m fine. For now… This is about Dean,” he said, lying about his grace.

“Your lover? Why? Do you think Metatron might have information about the Mark of Cain? Metatron lies, Castiel,” Hannah said with pity in her voice.

“Hannah…”

“No, Castiel. We both know the only way Metatron will help you is if he is free… I can’t let the scribe out of his cell. Not again. He’s too dangerous. And you’re just desperate enough to--”

“You turn me away? After all I’ve done for Heaven. After all I’ve done for you. Please, Hannah…” Cas begged.

“I’m sorry, Castiel.”

“You should be!” Cas scowled, his voice venom, his eyes like icy daggers.

He swiftly turned and walked away, pulling Sam by his sleeve.

“What do we do now?!” Cas asked once back at the car. He kicked a tire out of frustration, his hands tight fists.

“Easy. Plan B. We break him out,” Sam said, as if the idea weren’t absolutely impossible.

“And how do you propose we do that?” Cas asked, desperate.

“We need to contact someone on the inside,” Sam explained, taking out his phone and pulling up Google. “ Ok, yeah. Look at this… So, back in the '50s, Oliver Pryce was a kid psychic. He performed everywhere. Carnivals, Atlantic City, you name it. He was the real deal. I guess, the Men of Letters were teaching him how to control his powers when they got . . . you know.”

“Brutally slaughtered?”

“Um… The point is, he’s one of the good guys. He might be able to help.”

“Fine. Let’s go find this Oliver Pryce…” Cas said, getting in the car.

Once the duo learned the whereabouts of the psychic, they decided to pay him a visit.

Sam knocked on his door. No answer. “Hello? Mr. Pryce? My name is Sam W-”

“Winchester. You’re Sam Winchester, Man of Letters,” Oliver Pryce said, opening the door.

“Yeah. H-how did you, uh…?” Sam stammered.

“Mind reader, remember? And you’re…” The man paused. “What _are_ you?” he asked, sensing something was off about the shorter man.

“My name is Castiel. I’m an angel of the Lord. We need your help to save my-”

“That’s impossible!” the man said. “No, you can’t be. I’m an atheist!”

“Yeah, don’t care,” Sam said, letting himself in.

“So you can read minds?” Cas said, stepping into the man’s living room. “Then you know why we’re here?”

“Yes… Well… not yours. All I’m getting from you is… colors. But the hippie over here? I’m seeing some creepy as fuck Hobbit looking fella… and a prison cell…?”

“Yes. His name is Metatron. That’s Heaven’s jail,” Cas explained as he paced around the room.

“Wait? Like the Transformer…?” Oliver asked, taken aback. “And Heaven’s got a freaking jail?”

“Metatron, not Megatron,” Sam chuckled. “And yeah. Yeah it does. We’re looking to break someone out of it.”

“We have an inside man, but we need your help to talk to him.”

“That ain’t me anymore, Megan Fox, so I suggest you and Shia LaBeouf go back to where you came from and leave me the hell alone,” said Oliver.

“I have no idea who those women are, but you’re a mind reader so I’m guessing you know what’ll happen if you don’t comply,” Cas said, his voice intimidating.

Pryce nodded and the men went down to the basement where a seance table was set up. They each took a chair around the crystal ball.

“You got anything that belonged to the deceased?” Pryce asked.

“Yeah,” said Sam, pulling Bobby’s hat out of his bag and placing it on the table.

“Good. Now shut up and hold hands,” Pryce said as he began speaking Latin.

“Uh… Bobby, can you hear me?” Sam asked when the candles in the room went out. “Bobby… We need your help. It’s Dean…” Sam said, his voice unsure.

“Sam? Sam is that you?” said a disembodied voice.

Sam sighed in relief. “Yeah, Bobby. It’s me. Cas too.”

“Sam… It’s real good to hear your voice, son,” said Bobby’s voice.

“Bobby. It’s Cas. Listen, we don’t have much time. We need your help. It’s important.... It’s Dean… he’s not doing well, Bobby. He’s cursed…” Cas stammered. “Each soul in Heaven is locked in its own private paradise. That's where you are now. You need to escape. You need to find the gate to Earth and open it. Then you and I will find Metatron, the Scribe of God. He’s the only one who can help Dean. He can help us remove the curse.”

“Ha… Hey, Sam? You remember when this job was just chopping up some fang and then tossing back a cold one?” Bobby laughed.

“Bobby, listen, the angels will not like a soul wandering free so you’ll have to move fast. We’ve got no time to lose, not with Dean…” Cas said, trailing off.

“Hell, boys, I’m already dead. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Focus Bobby. You need to find your heaven’s escape hatch. Look for something that shouldn’t be there and that’ll be your way out. Got it?” Cas asked, growing impatient.

“Just when I thought I was out they pull me back in…” Bobby muttered as the connection broke.

“You sure he can handle this?” Cas asked, dropping Sam’s hand.

“He’s Bobby. He can handle anything,” Sam said with confidence. “Let’s go back to the playground. We want to be there when the gates open.”

Back at the playground, Sam created a diversion to distract the guards, punching one in the face, and Castiel ran and jumped into the sandbox gate, sliding in on the other side.

“Welcome to the party,” said Bobby as he helped Cas to his feet. “Nice necklace.”

“Uh, yeah. Dean gave it to me… We’re kind of an ‘item’ now…” Cas said, looking down the hallway.

“Oh? I always kinda figured with that one…” Bobby said, following Cas. “Where _is_ your significant other by the way?”

“Um… Well… Dean doesn’t exactly know we’re doing this,” Cas said, turning another corner.

“Well, that’s a page right out of the Winchester playbook, ain't it?” Bobby said, coming to a halt.

“You think I _like_ lying to him?! He’s getting worse by the day... I fear Dean has given up…”

“And you idjits haven’t?” Bobby asked, annoyed.

“No. Never. Would you?”

“Hell, no. Let’s get a move on, kid.”

Bobby and Cas move quickly to break Metatron out of his cell and take him back to Earth, through the portal. On his way out, Bobby gave Cas a hug.

“Take care of him, son,” was all he said, patting Cas on the back.

On the other side of the portal, Sam was leaning against Baby.

“Oh Sam-tastic!” the annoying man said, spotting Sam by the Impala. “Did you and Asstiel miss me? Where’s Dean-o?”

“Not here,” said Cas, shoving Metatron against the car. “This time, you’re gonna be _my_ punching bag.”

Cas pulled out his angel blade, and held it up to the man’s throat, slicing into the fragile skin. Metatron screamed as the angel extracted his grace, corking it up in a tiny bottle. He then healed the little man’s throat, they wanted him alive, he had to remind himself. Even so, Sam shot him in the leg.

“We have your Grace, Metatron. You're mortal now.” Cas growled. “So you will answer our questions, or Sam will, um . . . What's the phrase? Blow your fucking brains out. It's called leverage, Metatron. Ever hear of it? Now… how do we get rid of the Mark?”

“I told you already… _I don’t know,_ ” Metatron said, his voice mocking. Sam aimed the gun at his head. “I don’t know! I really don’t. It’s old magic. God-level magic! It’s beyond my knowledge!”

“No! You said ‘the river ends at the source!’ What does that mean?” Cas shouted, grabbing the man by the shirt collar.

“I-I was just making crap up! Trying to buy time till I could screw you over! It worked before…”

Cas dropped the man and turned to Sam. “He’s telling the truth… Shoot him.”

Sam aimed the gun at Metatron’s head, causing the man to cry out in terror.

“No! No! Your grace! I wasn’t lying when I said there was still some left. I’ll take you to it. Just, please, don’t shoot!”

“Take me to it. And you better not be lying,” Cas scowled as he shoved Metatron into the back of the impala.

 _For Dean,_ he reminded himself, he was doing this for Dean.

End of chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha. I called Shia LaBeouf a woman... And someone had to make another Metatron/Megatron joke. Thanks again for reading!


	12. The Book of the Damned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Experimental perspective changes in this chapter. A couple of lines are repeated to show a different character's POV. I hope it's not too hard to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of rape in Hell.

**Chapter 12**

Sam drove Cas to a car rental place so that he could go back to the bunker in the Impala. He shouldn’t have taken it without Dean’s permission in the first place. Cas wanted to go back with him, but he didn’t want Dean to know what he was up to, so he agreed that he and Metatron would travel alone to retrieve his grace.

As Sam pulled away, Cas shoved Metatron into the back of his rental and began dialing Dean’s number, pacing a bit as he did so. He knew Dean wouldn’t be very happy with him.

“Cas? What the fuck, Man? Where are you?” Dean asked. He had picked up after just one ring.

“Dean, I’m fine. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. I’ve been busy…”

“It’s ok… When are you coming home? I miss you…” Dean sighed into the receiver.

“I’m not sure. Soon, I hope.”

Dean was quite. After a beat he spoke, “Why’d you take the Impala? I went out to the garage to work on her and she was gone…”

“I don’t know… It may sound a bit… strange, but my time on Earth has made me… sentimental. It… She, uh, smells like you so…”

“It made you _scent-_ imental?” Dean laughed at his own joke. “Seriously though… I’ll make an excuse for you this time, babe, but for the love of god don’t ever take my car without asking first, ok?” Dean said, not sounding very angry. He didn’t know the full extent of how Cas was lying to him. Cas felt an uncomfortable tightness in the pit of his stomach.

“Dean… I have to go,” Cas said, looking at Metatron in the backseat. He still had a job to do. And he didn’t like having to lie to Dean.

“Yeah, ok. Take care of yourself.”

“You too…” Cas said, hanging up the phone.

* * *

“Bye…” Dean said even though Cas was already gone.

Dean looked down at his phone. _No goodbye? Just hangs up like a fucking moron. Love you too asshole,_ he thought. He was going to have to teach Cas proper phone procedure.

The second he put his phone back into his pocket, however, he felt it buzz again. Charlie.

“Winchester Accounting. How may I help you?” Dean said, snapping back into his default surly-ness.

“Dean?” Charlie huffed. Her breath sounds strained.

“Charlie? What’s going on? Where are you?” Dean asked, suddenly playing big-brother again. All thoughts of Cas leaving his mind.

“I’m, uh, exhausted… and I’m bleeding. _And_ I’m in a phone booth. A phone booth. Not a working one, mind you… I took a nap in here. In a phone booth. I didn’t know these things existed outside Bill and Ted…”

“Okay, hey, take a deep breath, kiddo. Tell me what happened. Why are you bleeding?” Dean asked, pacing around the library.

“I, uh, got shot.” _Shit_. “Did you know dental floss works great on stitches? I only passed out twice. And I’m pretty sure my wound is now minty fresh so…”

“Tell me where you are. I’m coming to get you,” Dean said, heading towards the garage.

“No time. I need to get someplace safe. Those guys are still after me…”

“What guys? Who?”

“Some southern fried douche bags. They’ve been after me since I dug up The Book of the Damned,” Charlie explained, “I broke into some museums and found historical documents and, uh, went to some burnt down monastery in Spain.”

“Wait, you’re in Spain?” Dean asked, confused.

“What? No. I’m back. But, um… The Book. The language it’s written in… I’ve never seen anything like it. Looks like some kind of spell book for undoing damnation... If we translate this thing, I think we can get rid of the Mark of Cain, Dean.”

“God I love you! You’re a fucking genius, Charlie!”

“Yeah, and a motherfracking fugitive. I’ve still got these dudes tracking me.”

“Do you have any idea who they’re working for?” Dean asked.

“No clue. Some sort of family business maybe? I spotted at tattoo on one of them, seemed occulty. They’ve been after me since the monastery. I think they’re tracking the Book somehow…” Charlie said, sounding scared.

“Alright, we’re gonna need to get you off the grid. Where are you?”

“Um, just south of Des Moines…”

“You know our friend Bobby? He had a whole bunch of cabins, safe houses, scattered all over, places for hunters to crash. He had one outside Des Moines, you think you can make it there?”

“Ok, yeah… bring snacks,” Charlie said, laughing lightly. “And Dean? This book is scary. I’ve never seen anything like it...”

“Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out,” Dean said, as Sam walked into the library.

“Sorry, nobody here by that name,” he said, hanging up his cell as soon as he noticed Dean.

* * *

“Can I just kill him now?” Cas said into the receiver. He had called Sam fifteen minutes after getting off the phone with Dean. Metatron was driving him up a wall.

“You know I can hear you, right?” Metatron said from the back seat.

Sam shifted the Impala into park and turned her off. “No, we need him alive for now,” he said with a sigh. “Look, after he gives you your grace back you can do whatever you want with him.”

“Well, I’d like to kill him slowly,” Cas said, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.

“I am like two feet behind you!” Metatron shouted.

Castiel ignored him. “We need to find a cure for Dean.”

“I know, I’m at the bunker now. I’m sure we’ll figure something out, Cas.”

“I don’t know why you’d want to cure that cute little firecracker now that he’s finally interesting,” Metatron said.

Without taking his eyes off the road, Cas swung his fist back and punched him in the knee. Hard.

“Sam--” Cas started to say but he was cut off.

“Sorry, nobody here by that name,” he said, hanging up.

“What? Sam? Hello? Are you still there?”

“Lose reception or did he hang up on you?” Metatron teased. When Cas didn’t say anything he continued. “He hung up on you, didn’t he?” Metatron laughed.

Cas punched him again.

* * *

Dean found a lead lined and warded curse box in the storage room. It might come in handy to keep the Book from being tracked. He and Sam grab their laptops and the two brothers head out to Bobby’s cabin. Dean is more than a little suspicious that the Impala is now parked in the Bunker’s garage, he thought Cas had taken it, but he’s had his fill of the two closest people in his life lying to him. So he doesn’t ask. Not yet, anyway.

The Book is creepy, but Dean can’t stop staring at it. It’s like he’s in a trance or something. He can feel it calling out to him, somehow. It vibrates in his hand, tingling the Mark on his arm. _What the fuck is going on?_ he thinks as he hands the Book back to Charlie.

Dean began researching the Family while Charlie and Sam worked on decoding the Book, because, as it turned out, the Book was not only written in some ancient dead language, but also in code. Normally, Dean would be proud of his geek brother and almost-sister, but for some reason all he wants to do is touch the Book again; trace his fingers down the spine, smell it… _Fucking weird,_ he knows it but he just can’t help himself.

Noticing his brother’s strange longing glare, Sam decided to put the Book away in the curse box. They can work off their notes, just to be safe.

“Check this out,” Dean broke the silence about an hour later. He was pointing at the screen on his laptop, at one of the Men of Letter’s files he and Sam had digitized. “Those people following you, All kinds of wrong. Talking multi-generational, centuries old, wrong… The Styne family. Men of Letters’ files date back to the early 1800s. They used spells to create disease and shit. They even helped out the fucking Nazis before they came into power. And all the spells they used came from a book of ‘unspeakable evil’ which they lost nearly a hundred years ago,” he said, his hands noticeably shaking.

“Ok. So they’re bad. So what? We’ve faced worse,” Sam said encouragingly.

“Sam, read the file. The way the books works is when you use it… there is a negative reaction. I’m talking biblical negative. Dark magic always comes with a price. We _know_ that. We’ve been down this road before…”

“Well, let’s at least translate it. See what it says,” Charlie added, trying to be optimistic. Typical Charlie.

“No. You guys don’t understand. The Book’s been calling out to me ever since I laid eyes on it. Calling out to the Mark. It’s like… It’s alive. And it wants me to use it. But not for good, ok? Look, I wanted it to be the answer too. I really did. But we’ve got to get rid of it. Burn it or something. We have to find another way to fix the Mark…” Dean said, his voice shaking.

“So, what? You just giving up?” Charlie asked, sympathetically.

“No. I’m not giving up. I don’t have a death wish, ok you guys! Even if I did, I can’t die. Not with this thing on my arm. All I can do is fight it as long as I can until…”

“Until what, Dean? Tell me. Until I watch you become a demon again? I can’t do that. I _won’t_ do that,” Sam said, his voice tense.

“Well then you’ll just have to lock me up. Bind me in the dungeon like you did last time,” Dean said. It was the only solution.

“No, Dean. That doesn’t solve anything!” Sam shouted. “Look, just let us translate the Book. If there’s a cure we have to do it, damn the consequences. I can’t lose you…”

“You change your mind on that? Cause that’s not what you said last time,” Dean said bitterly, remembering how his brother was willing to watch him die when he was pumping him full of demon-cure. That it was a “risk he was willing to take.”

“You know I didn’t mean that…”

“Oh really?” Dean gruffed. “This is my cross to bear, Sam! And that book is not the answer. We got to destroy it before it falls into the wrong hands, and that includes me! I’m going for a drive,” he said, pulling on his jacket and heading towards the door.

After slamming the door of the Impala shut, and backing out of the dirt driveway, Dean realized that they forgot to get Charlie snacks. _Shit._ He couldn’t do anything right, could he?

He pulled into a convenience store after filling up on gas. It was the least he could do after exposing Charlie to his bullshit family drama.

At the cash register, he noticed the clerk had the Styne’s family crest tattooed on his arm. _I’ve got you asshole_ , he thought as he reached for the pistol tucked into his pants. But suddenly a guy came out of nowhere and tackled Dean to the ground, knocking over shelves of candy as he went down. Dean unloads his clip into the guy, and finally, he goes down.

* * *

“Oh my me! Food! Glorious food!” Metatron said in between bites. He and Castiel were at a diner, against Cas’s better judgment. But Metatron had to eat. And Cas needed Metatron to find his grace. So he complied.

The former scribe continued, “All the countless descriptions in so many books, but those are just words. Oh! The taste! The actual taste! I had no idea… Oh, and the process. Goes in the mouth and comes out the… well… it’s sorcery! I mean, you used to be human. Don’t you miss it?”

“Why would I miss digestion?” Cas asked, his patience wearing thin.

“No no no! Not that. I mean… Don’t you miss the feeling of the mundane? Like the taste of these waffles? Like sleep? The nap I took in the car was fabulous! I dreamed and everything! No wonder you still cling so tightly to humanity! It is bliss... You know, you and I have a lot in common. Two angels in deep with humanity, ” he said, taking another bite, moaning and closing his eyes and he did so. It was disgusting.

“Don't,” Cas growled. He was in no humor.

“What? I thought we were having a moment? Can we be besties?”

“No. You killed my boyfriend, if you recall,” Cas said, his lips a hard line. His hands were fists by his side.

“Oh, Dean is fine. Mostly. Can’t you get past that?”

“Never,” Cas said, his eyes dark. “I get the feeling you’re stalling, Metatron.”

“Can you blame me? The minute I hand over your grace, I’m dead,” he said with a shrug.

“You have made your bed, Metatron, and nothing is going to get you out of it,” he said as the other man put down his fork and clutched his stomach, groaning and moving to get up. “What are you doing?” Cas asked, annoyed.

“I think I need to use the little boys’ room,” he said, holding up his handcuffed hands with pleading eyes.

 _This is not going to be pleasant_ , Cas thought as he lead Metatron to the bathroom.

“Sorry about the mess,” Metatron said as they left the diner. “I guess I’m lactose intolerant.”

“Let’s never speak of it again,” Cas said giving the man a shove.

A man was leaning against Cas’s rental car. “Metatron and Castiel. This really must be my lucky day. Two birds, one blade,” he said, pulling an angel blade from his denim jacket.

“Who are you?” Cas asked, revealing his blade as well.

“Just a cupid. Just an angry, angry cupid,” the man said, taking a step forward.

“I understand you’re upset,” said Cas, raising a hand to calm the man.

“No. You both corrupted Heaven,” he said, trying to strike Cas with his blade.

As Cas evaded his attacker, the man approached Metatron with his blade. Cas hesitated for a second, but he still needed Metatron alive so he tackled the man, knocking him down. They wrestle on the ground and the cupid pushes his blade towards Cas’s face, it is inches away, being held back by Cas’s own hands. It digs into the skin of his palm as he pushes the blade back. But just then, the man on top of him lights up and goes limp as Metatron stabs him with a blade that was dropped in the scuffle.

“This changes nothing,” Castiel gruffed, taking the blade form Metatron and ushering him back to the car.

* * *

“Oh come on. You expect me to believe that you hid my grace in a library?” Cas asked the ex-scribe skeptically.

“Nobody goes to libraries anymore. It's the safest place in the world,” replied Metatron.

“Sam does. And I’m pretty sure Charlie does too…” Cas retorted, walking into the building’s lobby. “I can feel my grace. It’s here but you’ve hidden it somehow. Where is it?” Castiel asked as he turned on the lights, illuminating rows and rows of books. It was a good thing this wasn’t a 24-hour college library. He’s pretty sure, despite Metatron’s comment, that people still go to _those_.

“Honestly, I have no idea,” Metatron said. _Liar!_ Cas thought as he pushed him roughly into a nearby computer chair and applied pressure to his gunshot wound.

“Where is it?!” he growled, digging his finger into the still-fresh bullet hole.

“I don’t know! I don’t know! I swear!” the pathetic man begged. “I had another angel hide it, even from me. You know, in case _someone_ tried to torture the information out of me!”

Cas still wasn’t buying it. He pulled out his blade and touched it to the man’s throat. “Where is my grace?” he asked again.

“I told the angel to hide clues in some of my favorite books,” he smugly held up his handcuffed wrists. “Mother may I?” he asked with a smirk.

Cas grabbed him by the arm and roughly forced him into a standing position, and allowed the man to limp over to a shelf and pull out a book. Cas tore the book from the man’s hand and began flipping through it. A note fell out.

“‘What is the maddest thing a man can do?’ It’s a riddle? What… What’s the answer?” he asked, not fond of riddles. He recalled his “speak ‘friend’ and enter” moment with Sam over a year ago. _“‘Why is six afraid of seven?’ I assume it’s because seven is a prime number and prime numbers can be intimidating.”_

“Beats me. I’ve only been a man a day,” Metatron shrugged. “The answer to the riddle should lead to another book, and inside that book you’ll find your grace… We’re gonna work this out together, okay? Teamwork… You know, we really do make a good team. Kind of like a buddy comedy, without the comedy.”

“Or the buddies,” Cas said humorously.

“Oh, now, come on! Back at the diner, that was some pretty awesome dynamic-duo action!”

“Shut up and keep looking,” Cas said, not sure if he was referring to their fight in the parking lot or the unfortunate events that transpired in the restroom.

The men find another book with another note. Castiel realizes that they are not riddles at all, but quotes. But it’s too late, Metatron is standing over him with a stone tablet.

“Did you and Samateur hour really think I wouldn’t have a backup plan?” he said as Cas reached for another book, knocking it off the shelf. His grace falls out, he grabs for it quickly.

“Oh the places I will go with this,” Metatron snickered as he left with the tablet.

“What’s the maddest thing a man can do?” Cas asked himself once Metatron was out of earshot. “Let himself die.” And with that Cas opened the bottle containing his grace and it entered him in a flash of smoky light. He had his full power back.

* * *

Cas drove the rental car back to the bunker. He’d return it tomorrow. Right now, he just wanted to see Dean.

He found them in the livingroom, Dean, Sam, and Charlie, with pizza and beer. A movie he recognized, thanks to Metatron, but had never actually seen for himself was playing on the screen.

When Dean noticed him, he beamed. He wordlessly got up and crossed the room, engulfing him in a hug.

“It’s stupid how much I missed you,” he whispered into the angel's ear.

Now it is Cas’s turn to beam. It was ridiculous how out of control his once-suppressed emotions got when he was with Dean. His time on Earth had made him more emotional in general, but with Dean he felt human again, and not in a bad way.

Dean lead him over to the couch by the hand, offering him a beer. He took it, wanting to be a part of the group, and sat down between Dean and Charlie.

“You’re looking a lot better,” Sam commented from his chair.

“I am… I was able to locate my grace,” he said. Noticing the way Charlie was slumping beside him, he reached out his hand to touch her side, healing her wound.

“Did we just become best friends?” Charlie asked, quoting a movie Cas recognized as “Step Brothers.” He realized the movie was in the same vein as the “buddy comedy” Metatron had referred to back at the library.

“So, is that where you were?” Dean asked him, gesturing at Charlie.

“Um, it was Hannah. She managed to get the location of the remainder of my Grace out of Metatron. I guess I still have allies in Heaven…” he lied.

If Dean didn’t believe him, he didn’t let it show. He simply nodded and continued to watch the movie. “Raiders of the Lost Ark” he recognized it. Even though he missed the first half of the movie, he found himself enjoying it. It had the same actor who played Han Solo and it was, admittedly, very exciting. Much better than Star Wars in his opinion. Treasure hunting wasn’t all that different from monster hunting. Much easier to wrap his head around.

As soon as the film ended, Dean took Cas by the hand and lead him to his bedroom. Cas felt nervous, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be alone with his boyfriend, it was just that they had barely touched the whole movie. He didn’t know if it was the Mark or if Dean was angry with him.

Dean closed the door behind him and turned to face Castiel, arms folded across his chest. _Still angry._

“I don’t like you lying to me, man,” Dean said, giving Cas a hard look.

“I know… I just…” Cas stammered, taking a seat on the bed. Dean did not follow.

“Sam was with you, wasn’t he?” he asked as Cas looked down at his folded hands in his lap. “Well, next time you’re gonna be sneaky don’t take the Impala. Dead giveaway.”

 _Yes. That was stupid,_ Cas thought, still unable to look at Dean. If he hadn’t taken the Impala then maybe he’d have gotten away with the lie. _No, Dean would have figured it out anyway._

“Hey,” Dean spoke as he approached the bed, sitting down next to him. “Just be honest with me, babe,” he said, his green eyes studying him.

So Cas confessed everything. He confessed that he had been going behind his back, that he had been working with Metatron, that Metatron had gotten away.

“I never intended to lie to you… It was Sam’s idea… I’ve just been worried about you… about us,” Cas looked up and met Dean’s eyes as he spoke.

“Of course it was Sammy’s idea,” he chuckled darkly. “I’ll deal with him later,” he said, placing a hand on Cas’s knee and kissing him softly.

“You’re not mad?” Cas asked, shyly.

“I am a little, but I trust that you’re just looking out for me,” Dean said, kissing along Cas’s jaw.

“Then I trust you know, that from the moment I laid hands on you, that you’ve been my biggest concern. No matter what happened, you, you were my priority,” Cas whispered.

Their kissing went from soft and sweet to rough and passionate and desperate.

“I gave up everything, for one man. You. Because _you_ are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, in all my millennia of existence…” he said as he gently pushed Dean so that Cas was lying on top of him. “I need you. I don’t need air, or food, or water, but I _need_ Dean Winchester.”

“You can have me,” Dean said meekly. His green eyes were bright and trusting as he spoke. “You can have all of me.”

Cas threw off his trenchcoat and began to slowly unbutton his shirt, revealing the tanned flesh underneath.

“Take off your shirt,” he instructed and Dean did, quickly, seeming to enjoy being told what to do.

Cas ran a finger along the chest of the man below him, flicking a nipple on his way down to his navel. He brought his hand down to the crotch of Dean’s jeans, feeling him stiffen beneath his touch.

“Is this what you want?” Cas growled lowly, squeezing slightly. Dean nodded and Cas began to unbuckle his belt. “Are you sure? We could watch another movie instead,” he teased as he unzipped Dean’s fly, liking the playful torture more than he should.

“I want you to take me. I want to feel you inside me,” Dean gruffed.

* * *

“Is this what you want?” his angel asked on top of him, his fingers squeezing around his cock. Dean gulped and nodded. God he wanted this. “Are you sure? We could watch another movie instead,” his angel growled and unzipped his jeans.

Dean shuttered. He wanted it. He wanted all of it. “I want you to take me. I want to feel you inside me,” he grunted.

Cas kissed his neck. “Can I try something?” he asked with a sheepish grin.

Dean barely had a chance to nod when Cas closed his eyes, concentrating. Suddenly, they were both naked, except for the samulet that still hung around Cas’s neck.

“God you have no idea how hot that is,” Dean whimpered.

Cas hummed as he brushed his fingers along Dean’s thigh, teasing again.

“Please Cas...” Dean choked out. He was going to go crazy if the angel didn’t touch him, like, now.

Cas’s strong fingers began to stroke him off, and Dean twitched every time he bushed his thumb against the head, come beading at the tip.

Cas reaches for the lube in the bedside table and only then does Dean worry about condoms. _He’s a fucking angel of the Lord you doof, you don’t need a condom._

Cas instructs him to lay on his stomach. Dean’s done his research. He knows this is the easiest position for his first time, but even so he’d still like to look at his angel. _Next time,_ he thinks.

He props himself up and positions himself on his hands and knees.

“Are you sure this is something you’d like to do?” Cas asked genuinely as he squeezed lube into his hands, wetting his fingers.

“Yes,” Dean whispered, nervous, as Cas stroked a finger along Dean’s crack.

Dean has never told a soul what torture he experienced in Hell. He never told Sammy, or even Cas how the demons had fucked him bloody. Raped him. He had a feeling Cas knew, the way he was being so gentle with him proved that. He knew that Cas wouldn’t feel bad if Dean asked him to stop. But he didn’t want him to stop. The angel’s sweet tenderness was everything Dean had always wanted.

Cas slipped his finger in, causing Dean to gasp. He steadied himself, trying to relax. Cas sensed this and began rubbing Dean’s back. Coaxing him into letting him slip another slick finger inside of him.

This was Cas. Castiel. An angel. The man he was certain he loved even though he hadn’t had the courage to tell him. He was okay. He was okay. He relaxed a little more as Cas began thrusting his fingers inside of him, stretching him out, until he had three fingers slipping in and out of him.

Cas got up and pressed his weight into Dean’s back, his cock grazing along his crack. “We don’t have to do this, Dean. Not unless you’re sure you want to,” Cas softly spoke into his ear, kissing the side of his head tenderly.

“Shut up and take me already,” Dean growled with false confidence. He really did want this and he knew that if he was too hesitant that the angel would back off.

He felt the head of Cas’s cock press against his entrance and slowly slide in. It hurt, but not in a bad way, and he tried to relax against the kisses Cas was plastering him with along the back of his neck.

Cas sinks in further until his balls are pressed tight against Dean’s ass. He gives him a second to compose himself before he starts thrusting, angling so that each pass rubs against Dean’s prostate.

“Oh god, Cas…” Dean hisses pleasurably at the new sensation.

He feels Cas’s hand on his cock, the other hand tightly gripping at his arm, where the handprint used to be. Cas begins stroking rhythm with his thrusts, turning Dean into a shaking, writhing mess. He can feel the heat growing in his belly as Cas begins to move faster, and faster until he comes into his hand, spilling onto the bed. He feels Cas twitching inside of him, coming almost in unison.

Damn, he could get used to this.

End of chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh you thought Dean was top? Think again sweeties.
> 
> Also, Star Wars is better than Indiana Jones, despite what Cas thinks. Fight me!


	13. The Dean Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13!
> 
> Warning for homophobia. As a member of the LGBT community, I do not approve of the language used in this scene.
> 
> FYI this episode aired before same sex marriage was legal in the United States, by a couple of months, but it was already legal in Kansas.
> 
> Also, Hallucination Cas's dialogue is in italics so that it's clear it's not real Cas (you'll see).

**Chapter 13**

_So THAT happened,_ Dean thought the next morning as he brushed his teeth. And not only did _that_ happen, he fucking loved it. Why had Dean waited that long to explore himself sexually when he could have been doing _that_ the whole time? Screw his dad, and screw everyone else. _This_ was what Dean wanted. _Cas_ was what Dean wanted. He missed his chance with Aaron and he sure as fuck was not going to blow his chance with Cas. But would the angel want him for the long run? Would Castiel choose Dean over Heaven? Could Dean even ask him too? Hadn’t Cas broken enough rules and sacrificed enough? Maybe Dean should just be grateful for the time he had with the angel rather than expecting something more… 

* * *

“Hey, vamp colony at a trailer park next state over, you in?” Dean asked Cas three days later. Sure it was fun introducing Cas to the Lord of the Rings but he was getting tired of domesticity. All this lounging around and cuddling was making him soft. He was anxious to get back out there.

“Dean, it’s been three days… Surely you can take a week off every once in a while,” Cas said, giving Dean his typical “concerned boyfriend” look.

“Yeah, I know,” Dean shrugged. “I’m just itching to get back out there, you know?”

The truth was (and Dean knew it) that the Mark wanted him back out there. The Mark demanded it. Dean knew that Cas knew it too. Cas always had a hard time arguing with Dean, caving whenever Dean asked for something, always coming when he was called. Especially now that they were in a relationship. Dean often used this to his advantage.

“Fine, let’s go,” he sighed, not happy about it.

* * *

Eight hours later Cas found himself smiting vampires in Colorado, Dean by his side chopping off their heads, enjoying himself a little too much for Cas's comfort. It only took the duo a couple of minutes to take on twelve.

As Dean was washing his machete in a conveniently placed barrel of water, Sam pulled up in Cas’s Lincoln.

“Hey, Sammy! I was thinking about raiding the trailers for beer! I don’t know if vamps drink stuff that’s not blood, but it wouldn’t hurt to check out some fridges, right?” Dean said as his brother got out of the car.

“Guys! What happened?” Sam asked, looking from Cas to Dean.

“Took on twelve blood suckers. That’s six each. That’s gotta be some sort of record!” Dean smirked.

“You guys could have waited!” Sam said, looking at Cas as he spoke. “I know you think you can handle it, but what if you couldn’t?”

“Sam, I can handle it,” Cas sighed. “I’ve got my grace back. Nothing was going to happen. I would have stopped it if I were worried that h- the situation was out of control.”

 _Are they talking about me?_ Dean wondered, crossing his arms as the men argued.

“You don’t think I can handle it?” Dean turned to Cas. “You don’t think I can handle _this_?” he said, gesturing to his arm.

“I’m just worried you’re gonna lose control, Dean. Right now, you’re fine, but what happens when you’re not? What happens when there aren’t monsters around to kill and you take it out on one of us?" Cas asked, gesturing between himself and Sam.

“This _is_ handling it! _This_ is how I’m handling it! It’s the only way I can take the edge off. I’m sorry I can’t just lounge around the bunker with you always looking at me like I’m something fragile that you’re afraid is going to break! Like I’m some sort of diseased killer puppy!” Dean shouted.

“Dean, I-”

“You know what, Cas? I’m tired. I’m sweaty and covered in vamp juice. Can we fight later? I just want to get back to the bunker, get my buzz on, and pass out watching Netflix,” Dean sighed and ran his hand through his greasy hair.

“Fine, but this isn’t something you can just ignore and it’ll go away. We have to talk about it,” Cas stated, looking at Sam for assistance, who just shrugged in defeat.

* * *

True to his word, when Dean got back to the bunker he downed a six pack, some Beam, and passed out on his bed watching The Hobbit with Cas.

When he woke up, Sam was gone.

“Did you see where Sam went?” he asked Cas when he discovered he was missing.

“He said something about St. Louis,” Cas said. “But I wouldn’t worry about it. He can handle himself just as well as you can. Besides, there’s plenty more activities we can do here, without him.” Cas smirked and pulled Dean in for a kiss.

“Like…” Dean tried think of something naughty they could do that would really piss Sam off. “Do it on the map table?”

“I think that could be arranged,” Cas said, giving Dean another kiss.

* * *

“He’s not answering!” Dean said eight hours later, slamming his phone down on the counter.

“Dean, he’s an adult. He doesn’t have to check in with you, it’s not like you’re dating _him_ ,” Cas chuckled.

“I’m not just gonna sit here either… He hasn’t disabled his GPS,” he said, checking the app. “There! He’s still in St. Louis.” And without asking, Dean got up and went to the garage, forcing Cas to follow.

* * *

They drove in shifts, checking Sam’s location every hour, just to make sure he was still in St. Louis. They were lead to a house in the Soulard neighborhood, where the annual Mardi Gras festival took place. Dean and Sam had never made it down to Louisiana for Mardi Gras but they did go to the St. Louis one when they were in their twenties. It was the second largest one in the country, and way overrated, according to Dean. Slipping on someone else’s puke was _not_ his idea of fun.

When they spotted Cas’s Lincoln, they parked the Impala and got out. _Sammy really needs his own car_ , Dean thought, annoyed that he kept borrowing Cas’s. It was a shame the Charger died. Maybe he should buy Sam a Prius for his next birthday. Dean chuckled to himself at the idea.

“Hey!” Dean said, getting into the passenger seat of the, in his opinion, ugly-as-fuck tan car. Cas got into the backseat as well, unsure what Dean was planning. “How’s the case?”

“What are you doing here?” Sam grunted, obviously not very happy to see his older brother.

“Well, it looks like me and Cas are here to save your ass! Big damn heroes! Malcolm Reynolds would be proud…” Dean said, looking off to the sky, possibly in search of the spaceship Serenity.

“This isn’t Firefly, Dean!” Sam said, shaking his head.

“Look, you were right, okay? I shouldn’t have gone off with Cas without telling you. It was stupid. And selfish. And a douche move. But if you’re doing this case by yourself to teach me a lesson, you don’t have to, okay? I’m here for you, little bro,” Dean said, almost genuinely. Almost.

“How’d you find me?” Sam asked, ignoring the sentiment.

“You didn’t turn off the GPS on your phone, Dumbo,” Dean chuckled. “It’s nice being the ‘smart one’ every once in a while.”

Sam laughed. “Ok then... “ he said. “How much do you know about the St. Louis Suicide House?”

“Well, let’s check our pal Google,” Dean said, taking out his phone. “Uh, let’s see. This family moves into a long-vacant house. Uh, one week later, three of ‘em dead by their own hands. Whole family wiped out except for the daughter.”

“Yeah, well, that long-vacant home used to be a Men of Letters chapter house. Remember Magnus?” Sam asked.

“You mean the dickwad ex-Men of Letters that tried to make a zoo exhibit out of me?” Dean scoffed.

“Yeah, uh, before he was expelled, he built Werther, a magical box with a deadly alarm system. Werther is buried somewhere in that house. It was supposed to have been guarded…”

“But I’m guessing that plan went out the window when Abaddon massacred the entire membership in 1958?” Cas asked from the backseat.

“Werther’s a time bomb and it needs to be defused. This is our responsibility,” Sam said.

“ _O_ _ur_ responsibility?” Dean scoffed. How the fuck was it _their_ responsibility?

“You _are_ Men of Letters, Dean. It’s your legacy,” Cas said. _Damn why is he always right?_ Dean thought, a bit pissed Cas wasn't taking his side.

“Well, hey, if you say this is a case, Sam, I’m in… If you’ll have me,” Dean said, turning to his brother.

“Yeah, ok. I could use the help,” Sam said as he got out of the car. “I already tried the front door, she caught me trying to pick it. I’ll try the backdoor and you and Cas can distract her.”

Before they had a chance to argue, Sam disappeared around back so Dean and Cas approached the front door and Dean rang the doorbell.

“What do you want?” a middle aged woman answered.

“Uh, hello, my name is Hoban Washburne, and this is my, uh, husband Jayne,” Dean said, sticking with the Firefly theme. “And, uh, we’re with the neighborhood watch.  We’re looking into a few recent break-ins. It would be mighty helpful if I could just have a minute of your time, ma'am.”

She gestured for them to come in. “Uh, so, you live here alone, Miss...?” Cas asked, polietly.

“Suzie,” she said by means of introduction. “Yup, just me and Gus.”

“Gus?” Cas asked, to which Suzie pulled out her gun. “Oh, uh, hello Gus…” he said awkwardly.

“So, all alone in this big house? Must get awful lonely. Even with… Gus,” Dean asked, thankful he had his Colt M1911A1 tucked into his waistband.

“Yeah, well, I’m used to living alone. You boys want some tea?” She asked, making her way back to the kitchen.

“No, we’re fine. Thanks,” Dean said, without asking if Cas wanted any. There was no way they were drinking anything this crazy was offering, angel or no.

“Been alone here since, oh, ‘80. After my family died, my Aunt Pauline moved in. She took care of me. Raised me for a few years. Then, well…” It was a good thing he had got her talking, because he spotted Sam heading down to the basement out of the corner of his eye. Thank god Cas didn’t say yes to tea, seeing as the basement was next to the kitchen.

“So, uh, what, uh, what happened? To your aunt?” Dean asked, trying not to look into the kitchen.

“Well, I told her not to go down to the basement. No one goes to the basement,” she said, looking lost in thought.

“What’s in the basement, Suzie?” Cas asked, noticing something was wrong. “Ma’am, are you okay?” His voice was calm, as if trying not to startle the woman.

Suddenly, she pulled Gus on them, pointing it between the two men as if she meant business.

“My social skills may be rusty but I’m not idiot. Doorbell hasn’t rung in months, and three visitors in one hour? One breaking in, and the others asking all sorts of questions-”

“We told you, we’re from the neighborhood watch,” Cas protested.

“Yeah, yeah, neighborhood watch. Right. Boys, you seen this house? There’s only one thing in here worth getting at, and seeing as you’re a couple of faggots, it sure as hell ain’t me. You came for the box,” she said, her voice shaking.

“Whoa, language! Maybe you’re the one pointing a gun but, lady, that term ain't appropriate anymore. I don’t care how long it’s been since you’ve gotten visitors,” Dean said, rightfully offended. Would this always be something he’d have to deal with now that he was out? Same sex marriage was _so close_ to being legal in the entire US (it already was in Kansas) and yet there was still the same bigotry he dealt with all those years ago, with Aaron.

“Whoever left that godforsaken thing down there, I knew someday, someone would come for it. I swore never to let that happen… He’s downstairs, isn’t he? That man from earlier?” She asked, figuring it out, and ignoring Dean.

“He’s my brother, and this guy right here, he may not be my husband… _yet…_ but we’re _together_ , you understand? And we’re here to help you,” Dean said, immediately regretting implying that Cas was his husband. Would an angel even _want_ that? _Could_ an angel even get married, or was it against some bull shit heavenly law or something?

“Sorry…” Suzie apologized, genuinely. “I don’t want to hurt you boys. You call him up here, now!”

“Sam! Sammy! Get your ass up here!” Dean shouted, putting his hands to show the woman he had no intention of disobeying. He and Cas could easily take her if things got hairy, but he didn’t want it to come to that. This box thing wasn’t worth that. But Sam ignored him, obviously he thought it _was._ “She wants you up here, _now_!” he shouted. He didn’t want to rough this woman up, not after she’d already lived such a shit-filled life.

Suddenly there was a crash that shook the floor. “No! No! Get out! Get out! Out! Out! You bastards! You let it out!” she shouted, chasing Dean and Cas towards the door. Just then, a green wisp of smoke approached, and entered Suzie and Dean through the eyes. Thankfully, Cas was immune.

Suzie, clearly seeing things that weren't there, began shooting at nothing, prompting Dean and Cas to escape to the other room.

“Cas!” Sam shouted, approaching from the basement. “Can you help her?” he asked, face full of worry.

“I would but I don’t know what _this_ is. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to risk damaging her further,” Cas stated, looking down at his hands as if disappointed in himself.

“Not your fault, babe, we’ll figure something out,” Dean said, touching his shoulder. “You on the other hand,” he turned to Sam, “What are you doing, huh? You don’t have a plan? You don’t have a defense?” he asked, angry that his know-it-all brother didn’t have a fucking plan for this!

Before Sam could answer, Suzie screamed and Sam went after her, Dean would have gone too but he heard a familiar sound, something he hadn’t heard since Purgatory. _What the fuck was that?_ he thought. Approaching the sound, despite Cas’s protests.

Another step, and he _was_ in Purgatory. _Seriously what the fuck!_ he wondered, looking around and spotting Castiel, in full Purgatory garb, crouched by a river, just as he was when they met back up back in the _real_ Purgatory.

“Cas?” Dean asked, not sure if what he was seeing was real or not.

 _“I loved you, you know? I loved you since I first laid eyes on you. The Righteous Man…”_ Cas said, still looking away from Dean.

“I know… Cas, I’ve always known!” Dean said, his voice wavering.

 _“You knew, and yet you left me here? How could you abandon me, Dean?”_ Cas asked, turning to face him. _“You betrayed me! You betrayed my love!”_

“Cas…” Dean sobbed.

_“Maybe the reason you haven’t told me you love me is because you know that I stopped loving you the second you left Purgatory. I forgot about you, Dean, I married someone else and forgot you even existed.”_

“No…” Dean was crying, he couldn’t help it. Cas was in his head telling him everything he feared.

_“And now that I’m no longer human? Now that I’ve got my grace back? What makes you think I’d want to spend my life with you? You’re a pastime. Nothing more.”_

“Cas, please…”

 _“And now that you’ve got the Mark of Cain? I fear you, Dean. I, an angel, am afraid of you. Your brother too. You’re a lost cause, Dean, and we both know it. There is no cure, so why don’t you cure it yourself? Here in Purgatory. Back when I still loved you. Back when we had a chance to be together…”_ he said, handing Dean a crooked blade.

“I’ve thought about it, Cas, about ending it all, to protect you and Sam... I’d do it, if I really had to... But the _real_ Cas wouldn’t let me,” Dean said, taking the blade, tears streaming down his face. “You know what else won’t let me? This thing on my arm. For better or worse, the Mark, it wants me alive… I love you. I really _really_ do. The _real_ you…. And I didn’t betray you. You chose to stay... But you’re back now, and we could have something more, I hope, someday, if you’ll have me. But I’ve got to get back to you first…” he said, stabbing the fake Cas, tears blinding his vision.

“Dean! Dean!” the real Cas came into focus.

Dean dropped the broken beer bottle he was holding and fell into Cas’s arms, unable to stop the tears.

“Shh, Dean, it’s ok. It wasn’t real…” Cas said, stroking his hair. “Hey, I know you went through something just now. I caught a bit, and it’s something we need to work through, but Sam went downstairs to try and stop the box. He asked me to watch you but he said something about Rowena. I’m not sure what he’s seeing but we need to get downstairs and help… Can you do that?” he asked, pulling Dean back to look at him.

“Yeah, ok... I’m ok,” Dean said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

He and Cas sprinted downstairs to find Sam almost passed out, bleeding into a bowl.

“Sam! Hey! Hey, it’s ok. Sammy, whatever you’re seeing, it’s a trick. It’s not real,” Dean said, cupping Sam’s head in his hands, forcing him to look him in the eyes.

“No, Dean. No. It’s the only way. It needs Legacy blood,” Sam explained, eyes drooping.

“Yeah, well… it doesn’t have to come from just one Legacy, does it?” Dean asked, wrapping Sam’s arm in a bit of his torn off shirt to stop the bleeding. “Cas, take care of him!” He then cut into his own arm. “If it needs more blood it can have mine,” he said, bleeding into the bowl.

After a few moments the Werther box opened, revealing a leather bound book, the Codex. To be safe, Dean destroyed the box with a sledgehammer he found in the back of the Impala. Good thing he kept her well stocked.

* * *

Back at the bunker, Dean immediately went to bed without Cas. He dodged all attempts Cas made to talk about what he saw under the spell during their grueling eight hour trip back to Lebanon, Kansas. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to face the reality that hallucination-Cas was right. Maybe Cas didn’t love him. Maybe the angel wasn’t capable of love the same way humans were, and maybe Dean didn’t want to ruin what they did have by bringing it up.

End of chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> St. Louis's Soulard neighborhood DOES host the second largest Mardi Gras in the country. I've been to it. The puke comment is accurate.
> 
> And, yes, although Dean is more of a Jayne type, Misha's sock monkey hat makes him Jayne so I eluded to that.
> 
> D'aww, here's a pic of Dean and Cas cuddle-napping [[x]](http://carstiel.deviantart.com/art/Destiel-Cuddle-Manip-378131162)


	14. Angel Heart

**Chapter 14**

Part 1: Dean

Dean woke up snuggled against Cas. He guessed that the angel had come to bed sometime after Dean had stormed off without him. Even though he didn’t need to sleep anymore, he stayed with Dean most every night, claiming that he enjoyed having time to meditate, or read, or even watch a bit of Netflix on his own.

“Good morning,” he said, putting down his book and giving Dean a kiss on the temple. “I’m sorry I pressured you yesterday. You don’t have to tell me anything you aren’t ready to say.”

“Lord of the Rings, huh?” Dean asked, squinting at the hardcover sitting on the nightstand. He still wasn't ready to address what happened.

“Um, yeah,” Cas said with a sheepish shrug. “I think the series is quickly becoming my personal favorite.”

“Good. I wouldn’t want to date someone who didn’t share my affinity for Tolkien,” Dean quipped, stretching and rubbing his eyes.

“Well it’s a good thing there’s two more Hobbit movies.” Cas’s pleading blue eyes bore into Dean. “We should take the next week off and finish them… Maybe start on a new series?”

“Can’t make any promises,” Dean said after a moment. “But I’ll try my damnedest.” A week off with Cas sounded great, honestly. If the Mark would let him.

For the next week, Dean was able to resist the Mark. Sex, video games, and Lord of the Rings kept his mind off of it for the most part. Thank god for distractions. Maybe the Mark didn't have as much of a hold on him as he previously thought.

By the seventh day, silk ties had him bound to the bed, buck naked and quivering, when Cas got the phone call. Claire was in the hospital. Both men immediately forgot their arousal, dressed, and rushed to Tulsa Memorial Hospital as quickly as a hunter and an angel without wings could travel.

Once they pulled the Impala into visitor parking, Cas turned to Dean. “You were a troubled teen, were you not?” he asked, not meaning to offend but offending nonetheless.

“I guess,” Dean said, crossing his arms. He didn’t like where this was going.

“So you speak her language,” Cas stated, his eyes intense.

“Maybe. So what?” Dean asked, a little confused.

“Nothing,” he said, relaxing a little. “I’m just glad you’re here, Dean. I don’t think I could do this without you.” He opened the door and got out of the car, prompting Dean to follow.

In the lobby, Cas asked the receptionist what room Claire was staying in, claiming to be her father. She gave him her room number to which Dean thanked her, and followed Cas who was already making his way towards the elevators.

Outside of Claire’s room, Cas didn’t even bother knocking, he just let himself in. When she saw him, Claire snapped her head up.

“What are you doing here? And why the hell did you bring him?” she asked in disdain.

“Uh, sorry. We’re just the guys that are paying for that fancy little hotel of yours,” Dean said, not wanting to deal with teenage angst.

“Actually, she checked out a couple of weeks ago,” Cas added.

“What?!” Dean exclaimed, turning to Cas. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Quit arguing like an old married couple! Why are you here?” Claire asked again. She rolled her eyes, pouted, and crossed her arms. Dean was  _not_ equipped to deal with this.

“Um, the police found my number in your emergency contact list,” Cas explained, turning back to Claire, worry filling his eyes. “Claire, the police said… Why were you at a bar?”

Dean thought Cas was really cute when he got all “fatherly” with Claire. Adorable, actually.

“I wasn’t-” Claire started.

“Fine. I’ll bite. You weren’t _at_ a bar. Whatever. What were you doing in an alley _outside_ a bar?” Dean asked, trying to level with her.

“Wrong place, wrong time. Story of my life,” said the eighteen year old.

Dean sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy. “Look, we’re not leaving until you tell us what the hell really happened. So if you want us gone… talk.”

Claire looked at Castiel as she spoke. “I was looking for my mom,” she said. “I wanna find my mom and tell her she ruined my life.”

“Your mom didn’t-”

“She left me. And so did my dad. But Jimmy’s gone right?” She asked. Cas nodded, looking away. “So mom’s the only one left I can tell off.” She scowled more, if that was at all possible.

_T_ _eenagers!_

“Fine. When’s the last anyone heard from your mom?” Dean asked. Trying not to sound as annoyed as he felt.

“Um, when I was living with my grandmother, she used to send me postcards. Last one I got was just before my grandma died. Two years ago. Nobody’s heard from her since. It was from a motel here in town… That’s where I’ve been crashing.”

Cas bristled at this, looking ashamed. “I didn’t tell you she checked out, Dean, because I didn’t want to worry you. Not with the Mark…” Cas began to explain, but Dean ignored him. Not the time.

“Ok, and the bar?” Dean asked, she still hadn’t answered his question.

“I was at the bar looking for a loser named Ronnie Cartwright. Mom’s diary said she was gonna meet him around the time she disappeared. Before he knocked me down, he remembered her name. He knows something,” she scowled. Again.

“Well it’s a good thing Amelia kept a diary then! You know, we could join a 'Kids Following Parents’ Journals' club. That’d be swell,” Dean joked. Cas could come too. The tablets counted, right? They were the word of God or whatever.

“Why was Amelia looking for him?” Cas asked, all business.

“She went looking for miracles. She went looking for you,” Claire said, her voice ice.

Cas looked away again, unable to meet her eyes. “Excuse me,” he said, dismissing himself into the hall.

Dean sighed. He didn't like seeing Cas hurt. “Be right back,” he told Claire and backed out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

“This is all my fault,” Cas said, leaning against the wall and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’m not gonna lie, maybe it is. What’re you gonna do about it? Sit here and mope?” Dean asked. He leaned against the wall next to Cas and put his hand on his shoulder, stroking lightly.

“I have to fix it, Dean. I have to fix her,” he said, looking at Dean with intense eyes. Cas was too good for him.

“Maybe you can’t _fix_ her but maybe you can help her. Maybe _we_ can help her,” Dean said, nudging Cas playfully. God, he loved this man.

When they got back to Claire’s room, she was gone.

They decided to check out the bar where Claire found Ronnie, it was the best course of action seeing as she was after him herself. In the car, Cas was quite.

“Babe, don’t get too upset about Claire. I know you feel responsible for her. And like I said earlier, that’s a good thing. Maybe you can help her. Atone, or whatever. But we’re… _you’re_ not her dad, ok? In fact, you’re kind of a constant reminder of someone that’s gone. So help her, but also understand that she may need some time to come around… That’s all,” Dean said, not wanting to look at Cas. He knew this wasn't easy for him.

Cas didn’t say anything. Instead, he leaned his head against the window and looked out at the rain.

* * *

Part 2: Cas

At the bar, the lady behind the counter pointed out a booth where a man was sitting alone. When he saw them approaching, Ronnie attempted to get up but Dean slammed him back down into the booth.

“Hey! What’s the rush, huh?” Dean asked, putting his arm around the man to keep him from escaping. “Heading out to beat down another teenager?”

Cas sat across from Dean and Ronnie at the booth. He needed to keep an eye on Dean just as much as he needed information out of Ronnie.

“That bitch attacked _me_ ,” Ronnie explained and quickly got his head slammed against the table by Dean.

“Poor choice of words, pal,” Dean growled, either becoming defensive over Claire or succumbing to the Mark.

Cas looked around, worried that they were causing a disturbance. He didn’t want to get kicked out of the bar in the middle of an interrogation. Not until they learned where Claire’s mother was.

“Now…” Dean gruffed, holding the man down. “Amelia Novak. Where is she?”

When the man didn’t answer, Dean slammed his face into the table again. This was getting out of control. Cas looked over at the bar-lady and she shot him a warning glare. The last thing they needed was for the police to become involved.

“Dean,” Cas warned.

Dean seemed to understand Cas’s tone. He lifted some of his weight off of the man in the booth, allowing him to raise his head off the table.

“Listen, Ronnie, what do you say? Huh? We could do this all day… Unless you wanna tell me everything you know about Amelia,” the hunter offered.

“Okay. Okay.” Ronnie looked at Cas as he spoke, possibly begging him to call Dean off. “I met Amelia. But she was the last one, I swear.”

Dean pulled his hands off the man and narrowed his eyes, giving Cas a questioning look.

“Last one of what?” Cas asked, not wanting Dean to start slamming heads again.

Cas’s tone must have scared the man. “I-I worked for faith healer,” he stuttered. Upton seeing Dean and Cas share a skeptical look he clarified, “No, he was the real deal. Hey, I was blind and he healed me.”

Cas was still skeptical.

“Give us a name,” Dean ordered slamming his hand down on the table. “Now!”

“P-Peter Holloway,” the man offered, not wanting to anger Dean further. “Yeah, after he gave me my sight back, I… Well, he made me work for him, as payment. I-I recruited candidates. He had a specific type. Young but, uh, lost… Wouldn’t be missed.”

Cas didn’t like the sound of that. “And Amelia was one of these ‘candidates?’” he asked.

The man nodded. “Some people he healed, but others he… uh…” His voice cracked as he took a ragged breath. “Look, I saw him one night. It looked like he was, uh… I don’t know how to describe it but he was… Uh, he was cutting on them… Look, after that, I was done, ok? I quit. I haven’t heard from Holloway since.”

Before Dean could do anything else, Cas pulled him out of the bar by the arm, thanking Ronnie for his time, but not apologizing. He _did_ give Claire a concussion, after all.

* * *

They found Claire at the Curtis Motor Court, before they went in, Cas remembered the present he had hiding in the backseat. He had made Dean stop at a mall on their way to the hospital. He knew from latent memories of Jimmy’s that it was Claire’s birthday tomorrow. Or rather, _today_. It was after midnight.

“Room service!” Dean said in falsetto, pitching his voice obnoxiously high and unconvincingly feminine.

Claire opened the motel door. “How did you…?”

“Called the front desk of every cheap motel in town. Wasn’t that hard considering you checked in under the name _Claire Novak_ ,” Dean explained, letting himself in. Cas followed, awkwardly standing between Claire and the door. He was pretty sure the look on her face meant that she wanted to hit him.

“Pro-tip? Use an alias,” Dean added.

Claire let out a huff of breath and went to the closet. She pulled a couple of jackets off the hangers and pulled out a colorful duffel bag.

“Claire, we just want to help,” Cas tried.

“I didn’t ask for your help,” Claire said as she placed her duffel on the bed.

“So, how’d you get your mom’s diary?” Dean asked, curious.

Claire sighed but continued packing. “The motel manager sent mom's stuff to her last known address after she disappeared. It bounced around, eventually found its way to me at one of the foster homes,” she explained.

“And you came all this way just to tell her off?” Dean tried again.

Claire scowled. “You always get along with your mom?”

“As far as I remember, yeah… She died when I was four.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't…” Claire apologized. “But this is different. My mom left me.”

“I don’t think Amelia was the type of person to abandon her child,” Cas spoke from the corner of the room.

“Did you check her credit card records? I can have Sam hack them for you,” Dean said, trying to help.

“Ok. But then I’m gone," she allowed. Maybe they could help her after all.

* * *

“Thanks Sam!” Dean said, hanging up his phone. “He’s texting me her info… Hey, we can set you up with some fake credit cards, if you want… If you’re not gonna let us pay for shit."

“We _do_ have another lead… Peter Holloway. Ronnie said he was a faith healer. What’s the WiFi password?” Cas asked, handing his briefcase to Dean. Unlike hacking records, _this_ was something Dean was capable of doing without Sam.

Claire pointed to a laminated piece of paper at the desk, and Dean began to research Holloway.

“What’s that?” Claire asked, noticing the colorful bag in Cas’s hand.

“Oh… Uh… Happy birthday,” he said, handing it to her. Claire pulled out a plush Grumpy Cat from the bag. “I got it at the Hot Topical,” he explained. He thought she’d like it because it reminded him or her. Grumpy yet cute.

“Right… Thanks… I guess…” Claire said, attempting to hide her smile, making her look even _more_ grumpy.

“Not to ruin the moment, but, uh police scanner says that Ronnie’s body was found outside Susie’s bar,” Dean interrupted, pointing at the laptop.

“What did you _do_ to him?” Claire asked, eyes widening.

“I didn’t lay a hand on him,” Dean said, defensively.

“Dean, that isn’t exactly true,” Cas clarified. Slamming people's heads into tables required  _both_ hands, actually.

“I didn’t _kill_ the guy,” Dean spat back. “I’m gonna get suited up and head back over there. Cas, you're on babysitting duty,” he said moving towards the door.

“I’m coming with you. Claire is plenty capable of being left alone… Right Claire?” The truth was, even though Cas wasn’t sure Claire _wasn’t_ going to run again, he needed to keep an eye on Dean. The incident from earlier was still fresh in his memory.

“I’m coming with you too,” Claire said, following Dean out to the car.

While Dean grabbed his suit from the trunk of the Impala, Cas took the opportunity to text Sam.

_I am worried about Dean. He snapped. He is getting worse._

* * *

“Agents Adama and Roslin,” Dean said, showing the officer his badge.

“And your little friend?” she asked, nodding at Claire.

“Oh… Yeah… It’s bring your daughter to work day at the bureau,” he ad-libbed. “Her name’s Kara.”

“Oh, who’s daughter is she?” the police officer politely asked, looking between him and Cas.

“Mine,” the both answered at the same time.

“Well, uh, she’s _mine_ technically but, uh, my partner here… _work_ partner... is over at our house enough weekends that he’s kind of part of the family, you know…” Dean stammered, not sure how to fix their blunder.

“Like I care,” she said, crossing her arms. Maybe fraternization on the force wasn't as big of a deal as he assumed.

“Uh, anyway, vic here was a, uh, person of interest in a missing persons case. What do you got?” he asked, still blushing.

As the woman talked, Cas glanced at the body. It had three strange markings outside the stab wound.

“Will you excuse me,” the officer said as her phone rang. She stepped away to answer it.

“The wound looks like an angel blade, but the point of entry is wider... I can't explain those marks,” Cas spoke so that only Dean and Claire could hear him.

“Best birthday ever,” Claire mumbled as Cas and Dean lead her away from the crime scene. Cas couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not, but he certainly didn't want her around a dead body any longer than necessary.

* * *

On their way back to the motel, Dean called Sam to fill him in. With his help, they were able to track Holloway down to a farmhouse less than forty miles away.

“Why are we even going back to my room first? Let’s go there now!” Claire argued.

“Claire, you’re not coming with us,” Cas said, turning to look at her in the backseat.

“She’s my mother,” she protested, crossing her arms.

“It’s too dangerous. I can’t let anything happen to you.”

“Anything else you mean.”

They drove in silence until they got back to the motel. When Dean put the car in park, Claire refused to get out.

“Claire, you’re not going,” Dean said, looking at her through the rear-view.

“Like I need two new dads…” she mumbled under her breath.

Cas sighed and put his hand on Dean's shoulder. “You’re not either, Dean.”

“What?” Dean asked, shocked.

“Back at the bar, with Ronnie-”

“Oh, come on Cas! He wasn’t gonna talk. I just… helped him talk.”

“I texted Sam earlier… Before you called him. He agrees that you should stay behind. We need to keep the Mark in check…”

Dean threw up his arms. “All right. Fine. I’ll stay and babysit. But I swear,” he looked at Cas, his eyes intense. “If anything happens, anything at all…”

“I’ll call you. I’ll be fine, Dean,” Cas reassured him, kissing him on the cheek before he and Claire got out of the car.

In the Impala, Cas called Sam. He really needed to know if he was doing the right thing by looking after Claire. Dean seemed to think he was coming on too strong.

“Hey, when this is over, should I... Should I leave Claire alone?” he asked when Sam answered.

_“What? No man. She’s your daughter… Well, she not exactly, but she’s close enough. She’s good for you. She’s good for both of you.”_

* * *

Part 3: Dean

He felt better now that he wasn’t in that monkey suit anymore. _Good ol’ flannel_ , he thought as he twisted the cap off a beer and plopped down in the kitchen chair.

“Can I have one?” Claire asked from her spot on the bed. When he gave her his best Sam-like bitch-face she added, “Like you never had a beer before you were twenty-one.”

Yeah, he couldn’t do this all night. “All right. You know what? If we stay cooped up in this motel room all night long, I'm gonna lose my mind.”

“Spoiler alert: you already have.”

Dean laughed sarcastically. “Let’s go,” he said grabbing his coat.

They walked to a cheap mini-golf place a couple of blocks away from the motel. It was strange that it was open at this time of night, but Dean didn’t question it. Five holes in, he got his first hole-in-one.

“It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!” Dean’s impression seemed to fall flat. “Bill Murray? Caddyshack?” Claire shook her head. “It’s a classic,” he protested.

“Never seen it. Not a fan,” Claire stated, frowning slightly.

“How dare you,” Dean mocked. _Seriously? Never seen Caddyshack!_

“You done?” she asked, unamused.

“Yeah I’m done,” Dean said, letting her line up to putt. “I’m done with your _whole_ generation.”

When Claire got her hole-in-one, she turned around with mock surprise. “Did you... did you see that? Did that go in the hole? I wasn't watching. Did the ball go in the hole?”

“Happy Gilmore. Well played.”

“Thank you,” Claire said, taking a bow.

“Did that go in? Did that go in?” Dean mocked as she walked away. He was impressed though. _Happy Gilmore_. Maybe her whole generation didn’t suck all that bad.

“This is what you guys do?” Claire asked as she lined up her putt a couple of holes later. “Stay at cheap motels, steal credit cards, play mini golf?”

“Actually, we haven’t played mini golf in a while, but yeah… that about sums it up,” Dean said, lining up his ball. “We help people, at least we try to.” He sank his ball in the hole and went to retrieve it, Claire following behind him.

“Like, uh, Castiel helped my dad?” Claire asked, her voice turning cold.

“Claire, what happened to your dad… I’m sorry. I really am. But there’s something you gotta know,” he said, turning to face the teenager. “Your dad’s sacrifice was not meaningless. Yeah, he gave up his body… his vessel. And because he did that, Cas was able to save the world. More than once… Your father’s a hero. He did not die in vain.”

“Okay,” Claire said so quietly Dean barely heard her. She walked to the next hole and with a sigh swinged her putter, putting the ball in the hole in one go. It was a very short green compared to all the other ones. “Last hole,” she sighed.

“Already?” Dean asked, looking around.

“Yeah,” she said, walking towards the hole. “They take your ball on the last one. Drop it in the bottom like so.” She dropped her putter in to demonstrate. Like Dean didn’t know that.

 _Wait? What?_ Dean stared at the putter, it’s club stuck outside the hole. He walked towards it. _Well, I’ll be damned_ , he thought, picking it up out of the hole.

“You ok? You’re not stroking out, are you?” Claire teased. He wasn’t _that_ old.

Dean looked at her, entirely serious for a change. “The red marks,” he tried to explain.

“What red marks?” Claire asked, confused.

“Claire, you’re a genius,” he said as he clapped her on the shoulder and walked away. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Wait? What?” Claire followed him. “Why am I genius?”

* * *

Dean and Claire walked back to the hotel do do some research or “homework” as Claire called it. Dean told her that Ronnie was actually stabbed with a sword, not just a blade. The hilt of the sword explained the red marks.

“You got all that from a putter?” Claire asked, rolling her eyes.

They dug out some lore books Dean just happened to have in the back of the Impala. He tried to keep it relatively well stocked, so unfortunately for him, that meant books. They discovered that the sword belonged to a Grigori but the lore was unclear as to whether they were good guys or bad guys. They had to keep digging.

Half an hour later Dean tried calling Cas.

“Shit…” he cursed, into the speaker when he got Cas’s voicemail. “He’s not answering.” God his boyfriend was an idiot sometimes! He grabbed his coat, slinging it on in one swift movement.

“I don’t understand,” Claire said, still confused. “Grigori angels went rogue? Started feeding on people? Why?”

Dean loaded a new clip into his 1911 and tucked it into his waistband, concealing it with his jacket. “Don’t know. Don’t care. I’m heading over to Holloway’s to end that son of a bitch.”

“Yeah, let me guess. You want me to stay here?” Claire asked with obvious disappointment.

Dean thought about it for a second. On the one hand, he didn’t want his _almost_ daughter getting hurt. On the other, she _was_ eighteen. He was ganking monsters when he was half her age.

He pulled out a revolver from his duffel and handed it to her. “Happy birthday. Don’t shoot me.”

* * *

Dean hot wired an old junker and drove to Holloway's barn at top speed.

“All right, let’s stick together. First the barn, then the house. If you have to shoot, aim for the chest. It won’t drop an angel, but it’ll slow him down. Got it?”

They found Cas and Amelia in the barn. As soon as Claire saw her mother she stopped in her tracks, tears were welling in her eyes.

“Claire?” Amelia asked, recognizing her. Claire ran to her and they hugged, both of them crying. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Mom it’s ok. You’re ok,” Claire said, helping her mother sit down on the cot. There were red marks up and down her arms.

Dean looked at the women and then at Cas. They still needed to find Holloway. Cas nodded, seeming to understand his unspoken words.

“Claire,” Dean said approaching her. “Hey, listen to me. Stay here, ok? Do not move,” he instructed.

Claire grabbed his arm, tears streaming down her face. “Thank you,” she said to him and then turned to face Cas. “Thank you both.”

* * *

They lost Amelia. Despite everything they tried to do. Despite all their efforts, they still lost her. If only they had stayed in the barn. If only he and Cas had split up rather than leaving Claire and Amelia alone! But he was stupid. He wanted to go with Cas. But the angel could handle himself! He should have stayed in the barn…

He looked at Claire who was now asleep. She had been quite the whole trip back to the motel. Once they got there, she didn’t say a word, just plopped down on top of the bed with her clothes on. It was morning now, but he and Claire needed to sleep so he settled down in the armchair, his eyes drooping. Castiel kneeled next to him.

“I couldn’t save her,” he whispered. “Claire has lost everyone and it’s entirely my fault.”

“Amelia was both of our faults,” Dean said. He put his hand on Cas’s arm and squeezed it, trying to be reassuring. He wanted to say something else but he didn’t know what to say so he just let his arm linger there until Cas placed his other hand on top of his.

“How can I make this right? How can I fix this?” he asked, his voice cracking.

“We could find her a home…” Dean offered. He wanted her to live with them in the bunker but he also knew that it wouldn’t be the safest place for her. “Jody, maybe?”

“Jody would be an excellent caregiver for Claire…” Cas said, squeezing Dean’s hand. He kissed him on the temple and left his side.

Dean woke up four hours later. Unable to fall back asleep, he walked to the CVS across the street and dug through their discount movie bin until he found what he was looking for. When he got back to the motel, he found Claire already awake.

“I called Jody Mills,” Cas announced. “She would be happy to take in Claire.”

“So, what? This is some sort of halfway house for wayward girls?” Claire asked, crossing her arms.

“No. Not at all. Jody Mills is good people and she’ll give you a place to crash until you get back on your feet,” Dean explained while Cas called her a cab.

They walked out to the Impala to wait, Claire leaned against it and Cas kept his distance, still not sure if he was wanted.

Dean pulled a present, poorly wrapped in cheap wrapping paper, out of the back and handed it to Claire. “I felt bad about taking the gun back so…” he said, handing it to her.

Claire opened the gift and smiled at the Caddyshack DVD. “Thanks,” she said, turning it over in her hands. She picked up the book that was wrapped with it: The Enochian Myth. She frowned at it. “I don’t think I’m interested in any more homework,” she said, handing the book back to Dean.

He knelt down and unzipped her duffel, revealing Holloway’s angel sword and the Grumpy Cat plushie. “Did you honestly think I didn’t see you take this?” he asked, as he placed the book next to it and zipped up her duffel, smirking because she kept Cas’s present. He took the wrapping paper from her, crumpled it and threw it in the backseat of the Impala.

He frowned. Even though he was encouraging Claire to take up hunting by giving her the book and letting her keep the sword, part of him felt guilty. Did he really want her going down that path? Did Cas?

“You know, Claire… You already got your revenge. You go down this path… our path…” he nodded towards Cas. “It’s not a long life.”

“I don’t know. You seem pretty old,” she teased.

“Thanks,” he smirked. _Kids…_

“Are you guys gonna be ok?” Claire asked.

He laughed. Claire cared about them after all. “Him?” he asked, nodding towards Cas. “In time, yeah. Me? I don’t know. But I’ll keep fighting. I’ll keep swinging until I got nothing left.”

Claire looked at Cas. “Will you keep an eye on him?” she asked. “He’s been through enough.” They didn’t deserve this kid. She was too good for them.

“So have you,” Dean clarified. “Claire, do your homework before you do anything stupid, ok? And we're here if you need us… Any time.”

She hugged him as the cab approached.

“I’ll get you loaded up,” Dean said, patting her on the back.

“Um, Claire…” Cas said, approaching her as Dean put her duffle in the trunk. “If you, um, if you… need anything, ever, I’m… I’m… I just wanted you to know that…” he stuttered and Claire threw her arms around him, shutting him up and letting him know she held no resentment towards him.

Dean looked over at Cas and saw a single tear roll down his face. _A single man tear,_ he thought to himself, chuckling.

Claire broke their embrace and got in the cab, waving at them through the window.

As Cas watched her leave Dean put his arm around him. “Please tell me she’s gonna be ok,” he choked.

Dean squeezed his shoulder. “Yeah, Cas. She’s gonna be ok,” he said turning to face him. “And so will you.” Dean kissed him, not at all caring who saw.

End of chapter 14


	15. Dodge Neon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Special bonus chapter in honor of Sam's birthday!

**Chapter 15 (bonus chapter)**

It was Sam’s birthday tomorrow. And Dean _did_ internally promise he’d get him a car, but not a Prius. He joked about it but he honestly couldn’t keep Baby in the same garage as one. So he found a Dodge Neon on Craigslist  instead, paying with his fake credit card.

At midnight he promptly woke his brother up and blindfolded him, leading him to the garage, he and Cas each had an arm so that the giant wouldn’t fall flat on his face. 

“Ta-dah!” he exclaimed, taking off the bandana he tied around his brother’s eyes.

“You got me a car?” was all Sam said, his voice flat.

“Uh, yeah I got you a car!” Dean shrugged. “Happy birthday!”

“This is because I kept stealing the Impala, isn’t it?” Sam asked, catching on quick. “So this is just as much a gift for you as it is for me.”

“Whatever,” Dean pulled the keys out of his pocket. “If you don’t want it I suppose I could return it,” he teased.

“Give me those,” Sam said, snatching the keys out of his hand and hitting the fob to unlock the car.

“Ungrateful bitch,” Dean chided under his breath.

“I heard that!” Sam said from the driver’s seat. “Jerk.”

* * *

While Sam was out test-driving his new car, Dean thought it would be a good idea to _subtly_ mention he was going to take a shower and hope to god that Cas took the hint.

“Hey, so, I’m gonna be in the showers while Sam is out and a person can be as loud as he wants without fear of being walked in on… showering,” he said, not so subtly.

“Are you asking me to join you?” Cas asked, putting his arms around Dean’s waist and planting a kiss on his neck.

“Yeah, if you want to…” Dean said, leaning into the embrace.

“Well I know for a fact that showering still feels nice, even though I no longer have to,” he said, grabbing his ass with a tight squeeze.

So off they went, to the bunker’s shower room. It was a shame Dean’s room didn’t have a private bathroom or they’d do this more often. Dean stripped and turned on the water on the shower in the far corner of the room. Once the water was hot, he got in and encouraged Cas to do the same. He watched with glee as the angel unbuttoned his shirt and slipped out of his pants. He took of the samulet as a precaution. It was made of wood and who knows if it was waterproof.

Cas stepped into the shower and closed the curtain tight, just in case.

He turned to face Dean, putting his arms around him again and pulling him close. “I hope you weren’t actually planning on bathing,” he said with a devilish grin. “Because we only have enough hot water for one activity.”

Dean kissed him. “What kind of activities did you have in mind?” he asked, positioning himself so that their dicks were slotted against each other.

Cas pressed him up against the cold tiled wall, deepening the kiss, his tongue inserting itself into Dean’s mouth. Dean groaned into the kiss and moved his hands down Cas’s back. Water was pelting him in the face but he couldn’t care less.

He moved his hands down the small of Cas’s back and down to his ass. Dean himself had a flat ass, or so he’d always though. But, Cas? Cas had a nice ass. Tight and round with nice muscular thighs to accompany it. It was almost like Jimmy had been a runner or maybe even a biker.

Dean wrapped one of his legs around Cas and ground into him, rocking his hips back and forth against his pelvis. _God, why did Cas choose such an attractive vessel?_ he thought as the angel kissed his neck. He was sure he’d love Cas in any form, but he’d be lying if he said that his bright blue eyes and full lips didn’t make an impact.

Cas took his cock in his hand and smiled against his neck. Dean loved it when he smiled. It was pure sunshine.

“What?” Dean asked, slightly out of breath.

“Nothing,” Cas said, as he began to stroke him off. “This is just a lot more fun than I anticipated.”

Dean chuckled. But then Cas worked some mojo or something because damn it had never felt _that_ good. He quickly forgot what he’d found funny and lost himself in Cas’s touch, moaning loudly as Cas finished him off. The best thing about shower sex? There was no need to clean up afterwards. He sighed as the warm water washed both of them clean.

“Turn around,” Cas whispered in his ear, and Dean obeyed, his stomach pressed against the shower wall.

Cas pressed against him and inserted his finger into Dean’s entrance, pumping it in and out. He kissed and bit at his neck as he did so, and Dean gasped with pleasure.

When Cas inserted his second finger, he began fondling Dean’s balls. Dean hissed and arched back into Cas, positioning himself so that Cas could enter him more easily. Even though they often switched, Dean loved being on bottom. It was absolute ecstasy having his angel inside of him.

Cas positioned himself so that his cockhead was teasing along Dean’s crack. When he finally thrust inside of him, Dean let off a small gasp. He was so used to having sex in secret when Sam was just down the hall, that he forgot he didn’t have to keep quiet. There was nothing worse than having your brother walk in while you were balls deep in another man. Dean learned this the hard way.

It didn’t take long for Cas to come, there was something about them that complemented shower sex very nicely. In Dean’s experience, shower sex was normally quite difficult, but he and Cas made it work. It was probably the best sex he’d ever had, to be completely honest.

End of chapter 15


	16. Dark Dynasty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read chapter 15 first! I know it's a "bonus chapter" but it directly ties in!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this part of the season is a bit depressing, but necessary. I didn't change much. Just Destieled it up a bit!
> 
> Warning for character death (note that dead isn't dead on Supernatural and that rings true in my fic too!).

**Chapter 16**

**Dean**

Sam didn’t return until noon the next day.

“Well, you look like crap on toast,” Dean said as soon as he spotted his brother. 

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve been up all night,” he said, reaching for the pot of coffee.

Dean continued making himself a sandwich, despite the _wonderful_ imagery of shit covered toast that was now circling his brain.

“There a woman you haven’t mentioned?” Dean asked, curious as to why his brother had been out all night.

“No, there’s no woman…” Sam said, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Well, I’m just saying. You weren’t here when we went to bed last night. I know it’s your birthday and all but, seriously man. Not cool.”

“Yeah, well, I do that occasionally,” Sam said defensively.

“You actually don’t,” Dean said as he cut his sandwich in half.

“Dean, we don’t always have to do the exact same thing at the exact same time,” Sam said as he made his way to the fridge and grabbed a yogurt. “Remember when you and Cas went off and snuffed that vampire nest without me?”

“Have you been snuffing vamps’ nests?” Dean asked, crossing his arms.

“No, that’s not what I meant… I…” he started.

“Save it,” Dean said, frustrated his little brother was keeping something from him. “We have more important shit going on.” He gestured to Cas who was respectfully staying out of the conversation by busying himself on his laptop.

“Um, so those men that were after the Book of the Damned, the Stynes. There’s more of them. Dean and I figured we should get to know as much as we can about them,” Cas explained, gesturing to his laptop and pile of books that littered the kitchen table.

“What have you found out?” Sam asked, moving closer so he could read over Cas’s shoulder.

“Well, that’s pretty much all we do know,” Dean sighed. “They screwed with financial markets, they helped Hitler get started, along with god knows what else… probably disco. But you go back to the 1800s, and the trail goes dead. There’s nothing in the research. There’s nothing online. It’s like the family just popped into existence one day.”

“Families don't usually do that,” Sam admitted, sitting down next to Cas.

“No, they do not.” Dean joined them at the table. He took a bite of his sandwich. “Hasn’t been a total waste of time, though. I think we caught us a case.”

“There’s a mention on the internet of a murder in Omaha, Nebraska. The victim’s eyes were cut out,” Cas said, pointing to a news article. “The building’s custodian ran in just as the killer jumped out the window… On the third story.”

“Ok, I’m sold.” Sam tore into his yogurt and ate a goopy spoonful.

“Alright, well we’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning,” Dean offered. Sam _had_ been up all night.

“Yeah, sounds good,” he said, taking another bite of his yogurt.

* * *

**Cas**

Cas had no idea why Sam had called him and told him to meet him at an old distillery. It was well after midnight and had no idea Sam even left the bunker. But the urgency in his voice prompted him to leave as soon as possible. Sam asked him not to wake Dean, which normally would have been a red-flag, but with Dean’s recent outbursts and tendency to get violent, he didn’t question it.

When he arrived at the abandoned distillery, he immediately spotted Sam and Charlie with a red-haired woman.

“Cas. Are you in on this too?” Charlie asked when she saw him.

“Hell's bells. More distractions? What are you? Witch or nerd?” The other woman asked in a strange accent. She had the same coloring as Charlie, except her hair went past her shoulders. She was wearing a long black gown and had adorned her eyelids with green.

“Angel,” he said, eyeing her closely.

The woman looked stunned. “Beg pardon?” she asked.

Cas made his way towards Charlie as Sam explained. “Castiel has, uh, powers… spiritual muscle that’ll help safeguard the work.”

“Safeguard it from what?” the woman asked.

“You,” Sam clarified and the woman shook her head. “I can’t be here full time to referee,” he said, looking at Cas as he spoke.

“Whoa, whoa,” Cas said to the younger Winchester. Certainly he didn’t mean that _Cas_ was supposed to babysit two full grown women. “And I can?” he asked.

Sam looked at him with the expression Dean typically described as “puppy dog.”

“Yes,” he said. “Please. Please do this for me,” he begged.

“Well what are the rules?” Cas asked before Sam could further persuade him. The last thing he needed was for his boyfriend’s brother to guilt him with the excuse that it was his birthday or something. “If I’m gonna ‘referee’, I should at least know them.”

“Quite literal, aren’t you?” the woman asked, not understanding Cas’s attempt at humor. “Does he know the first rule is ‘don’t tell your brother what we’re doing?’”

“Wait,” Cas said, starting to panic. “Dean doesn’t know? Sam, I can’t keep lying to him! This isn't going to end well!” he insisted.

Charlie playfully smacked his shoulder. “That’s exactly what I said.” She threw up her arms in desperation and looked at Sam.

“Okay, everyone take a breath. Look, we’re up against a wall, ok? But we’ve all been up against it before, and we know there are times when every choice sucks. Now, us… lying to Dean… It’s the choice that sucks the least. We have to make this work. Please,” Sam begged, looking to each person.

“Okay, yeah. For Dean,” Charlie agreed.

“Cas?” Sam asked, eyeing him intensely.

Cas didn’t want to lie to his boyfriend. Not again. Not when things were going so well, because he knew that things could turn sour quickly between him and Dean. He knew that the Mark clouded his judgement and made him temperamental. But if there was any chance in getting rid of it, he had to take it.

“Okay. For Dean,” he sighed begrudgingly.

The three of them looked at the red-headed woman.

“I barely know the man,” she said with a scowl.

* * *

Sam had to get back to the bunker before Dean woke up so he left Cas alone with the two women. One he barely knew, and the other he didn’t even know her name. But Sam had promised Dean he’d work a case. He had to go so as not to arouse suspicion.

Cas shot Dean a quick text while the women were snoozing. He really didn’t want him to worry.

_My grace needs to charge in Heaven for a while. I’m afraid my time here on Earth has weakened it slightly. Hopefully I’ll be home in a couple of days._

A couple of hours later, Dean must've woken up because he texted him back a single letter. “K,” was all he said and Cas had a feeling he didn’t exactly buy his story.

Cas suddenly didn’t feel very well. His time as a human had shown him that human emotion was often physical as well as mental, and although he no longer felt physiological responses to emotion, he still _had_ emotions. Strong ones in fact. And right now his mind was swarming. He knew that if he were still human, this emotional reaction would be accompanied by something that felt like a stomachache. Right now it was simply a splitting migraine. And the constant bickering between the two red women did nothing to alleviate it. Surely they wouldn’t notice if he was gone for just a short while.

He decided that the women were simply experiencing something Dean called “hanger” and went to get them some nourishment from the local Gas n’ Sip.

“Wow. Why didn’t I think of that?” came Charlie’s sarcastic voice when Cas returned She was engaged in an argument with the other woman, who Cas had figured out was a witch of some sorts.

“Okay, it sounds like blood sugar is dipping in here,” Cas said, lifting a plastic grocery bag. “I got snacks. When I was human, I grew very fond of these pork rinds…”

He was sure Charlie and the woman would love the savory treat, but both of them made disgusted faces. Neither of them seemed very interested in food at the moment.

“What do you know about the chick who wrote The Book of the Damned?” Charlie asked the witch.

“Agnes was a hermit nun,” the witch explained. “And as mad as a hatter. Made it her business to undo curses.”

“Like the one that caused the Mark of Cain,” Cas said. Maybe working with the witch wasn’t that bad of an idea afterall. Sam was wise to have involved her. She could be useful.

“As in any struggle between good and evil, balance is required,” she stated, leaning against the table. “To cure one curse, Agnes had to know how to inflict another. They live side-by-side in the magic world. Once cannot be without the other.

“Sure, sure. Like a binary system,” Charlie said, seeming to understand. “So, I got to think like a hermit nun.”

“Did I mention they burned her alive?” said the red-woman.

“‘They?’” Charlie asked, taken aback.

“A cornucopia of curses and satanic visions did not go unnoticed by the church hierarchy,” the witch sighed. “These men would not abide a rogue nun.”

Charlie frowned. “Poor Agnes. Ahead of her time...”

“Much like you and I,” the witch shrugged and Charlie gave her a dirty look.

She looked to Cas for help, making him very uncomfortable. He couldn't handle them fighting. Heaven didn't train him for  _this._

He went into the other room and called Sam. He needed help. He had taken on armies, but these two women were going to be the death of him.

Sam’s phone rang twice. “ _Cas?”_ a voice said over the line. Not Sam. Dean. _“What’s up?”_ he asked. His voice sounded strained.

“Nothing. I’m just… staying in touch… like I do… with your brother,” Cas stammered. _Shit,_ he mouthed. This wasn’t good.

 _“Well is there something I can help you with?”_ Dean asked. It was impossible to discern his mood over the phone. _“Sam’s not here.”_

“No. This call is pointless. My ride’s here… To take me to Heaven’s gate… Call you when I get back,” he said. Hanging up the phone. This really was not good. He pinched his nose and went back into the room where the witch and Charlie were bickering.

As soon as he entered the room, Charlie lead him by the arm back into the room he had just come from. Cas couldn’t help but roll his eyes. This was getting ridiculous.

“I am doing my best, but with her criticizing, breathing down my neck, trying to sign me up for ‘team witch.’ Oh, and moaning about how the one good year for music was 1723,” Charlie loudly whispered. Cas looked over at the witch, to make sure she wasn’t eavesdropping. “I am going crazy. I mean, she is evil.”

“She is a wicked witch, so by definition-”

“No, no. I mean, something bad is going to happen here,” she said, her eyes wide. “Castiel, man, just spring me for two hours… one hour… anyplace quiet. Dean is my buddy. I love him too… Like a brother. I can’t screw this up for him but my mind is… it’s a wad of gummy worms… Please,” she begged.

Cas sighed. He needed them separated just as much as Charlie did. “Fine,” he agreed. “Let me call Sam.”

He clicked Sam’s name on his contact list and hopped that this time Sam would pick up instead of Dean. It took six rings.

 _“Cas, what's going on? Make it quick.”_ Sam said when he answered.

“Sam, I need your help. Charlie can’t stay here with… her. Things here are getting a bit out of hand,” Cas said, pacing.

_“Cas, this isn’t really a good time.”_

The women were bickering in the background, making it hard for Cas to hear.

“I don't think I'm making myself clear,” he said, closing the office door. “I've got a… I've got a situation here.”

_“There’s no way Charlie can go off by herself. Cas, there are dangerous people looking for her.”_

“Fine,” Cas gruffed. “I’ll go with her.” He was losing his patience.

_“No, you can’t leave Rowena alone either.”_

So her name was Rowena. “Nothing is getting done,” he said, his voice straining. He was basically whining.

 _“Then separate them, Cas. Just do the best you can,”_ Sam said. He sounded angry. _“Look, Cas, I got to get back. Handle this. I'll be there as soon as I can.”_ Cas heard Dean’s voice in the background as Sam hung up.

Cas sighed. This day was getting worse by the minute.

Charlie went back to her table and Cas unlocked Rowena’s chains from her own table so that she could walk. She was still handcuffed.

“Charlie needs some alone time,” he said as he lead her to the other room.

Rowena sounded appalled. “Alone time? Why does she need ‘alone time?’” she shrieked. “Bit of a prima donna if you ask me.”

Cas rolled his eyes and chained the witch to the wall.

“The girl is simply out of her league. Without me, the work grinds to a halt,” she huffed.

Cas closed the door. “Rowena, she needs quiet,” he said gesturing at the door. “She’s under a lot of pressure and it doesn’t help that she feels like she’s betraying her friend…” he said. He wasn’t talking about Charlie anymore.

Rowena rolled her eyes dramatically.

“ _I_ don’t like it either,” he admitted. “Dean and I are, um… close.”

“Oh, lovers?” Rowena asked. She batted her eyes and smiled innocently.

“How did you…?” Cas asked. He hadn’t told her that.

“I’m a witch, sweetheart. I know things,” she said, pitching her voice higher.

Cas gave her a skeptical look.

“Oh, all right. Little miss Charlie told me,” she admitted with a smirk.

Cas nodded. Of course she did.

“And this betrayal you both seem to feel? _You_ might not get over it,” she laughed. “But she will. Once she has children of her own she’ll know all about betrayal.” Her expression turned sour.

“You have a child?” Cas asked. He couldn’t picture this woman being very maternal by any measure of the word.

“Do I have a child?” she chuckled. “The King of Hell. That’s all. The King,” she said smugly.

Cas was surprised. “ _Crowley_ is your son?” he asked. “Well, that explains a lot. I’m sure that was quite a challenge.”

If Rowena bickered with Charlie _this_ much, Cas certainly didn’t want to put Crowley in the same room with her. He was stubborn enough as it was.

She nodded. “Well, back to it, eh? We’re wasting time in her,” she said, her mood indiscernible.

“I’m gonna… see how she’s doing,” Cas said, excusing himself from the room. But Charlie's work space was empty. She was gone.

* * *

He searched the entire distillery for her. She was nowhere to be found. With shaking fingers he dialed Sam.

 _“Hey,”_ Sam said after a couple of rings.

“Sam, she’s gone,” he said in a panic.

_“Who’s gone?”_

“I’ve looked everywhere,” he continued. “Charlie is gone.”

He heard Dean’s voice and some rustling. _“Cas, I swear to god if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on…”_ Dean said angrily.

“There’s no time, Dean! We have to find her,” Cas said, wanting to explain.

 _“Find who? What the fuck have you guys been up to?”_ Dean asked, his voice rising.

“Charlie. Charlie is missing,” he said.

Dean didn’t say anything for a few moments, and then he hung up.

Cas just stood there, feeling like a failure. With no wings he wasn’t going to be much help.

* * *

**Dean**

Dean hung up on him. He’d deal with his boyfriend later, right now his brother needed an earful.

“I don’t _fucking_ believe it! You got Charlie involved with this _again_ , and now she’s missing?!” Dean shouted.

Before Sam could answer his phone buzzed. The caller ID showed Charlie’s name across the screen.

“Charlie, where are you?” he asked. Charlie must’ve said something because Sam paused before he said, “If you have the book, give it to them.”

“Charlie has the damn Book of the Damned?!” Dean shouted. He was _so_ done with his brother right about now.

Sam paused again. “Then give them your notes, Charlie! Give them the code… whatever they want!” he said after a moment.

Dean took the phone away from him. “Charlie, I don’t know what the hell is going on but you need to listen to me. Give whoever that is whatever they want. You understand?” he said as he headed towards the garage. He heard a crash over the phone. “Charlie?!” he shouted, quickening his pace.

“I can’t do that, Dean,” she said softly.

He felt Sam’s phone buzz against his ear. He receive an email from Charlie with her notes from the Codex.

“Charlie?!” he shouted again when he heard another crash. The line went dead.

He ran to the garage and got into the Impala and pulled her into the gravel driveway and out onto the road. He was going well over one hundred miles an hour.

“So you had the book the whole time?” he asked his brother as he drove.

“Dean…”

“And you and Cas lied right to my face.”

“Cas didn’t know…” Sam admitted. “I thought it was our only chance to get you free of the Mark, so I grabbed it.”

“I made it _real_ clear how I felt. You ever consider that?” he asked him.

“Dean listen…”

“And then you pulled _Cas_ into it. And Charlie!”

“Charlie loves you, Dean! We all love you! _Especially_ Cas.”

“Yeah, well, you do an awful lot of lying for people who claim to love me…” he said, as he pulled up to the Blackbird Motel.

He cut the engine and got out of the car. Rain was pouring as he and Sam made their way to the door. Or rather where the door _should_ have been. It was ripped off it’s hinges.

He cocked his .45 and pointed it into the room. Nobody seemed to be there, but there were bloody footprints leading to the bathroom.

Sam go there first. “Oh god,” he said, covering his mouth.

When Dean looked into the room he could barely believe his eyes. There was Charlie, the little dork he had come to see as a sister, lying in the bathtub covered in blood. She didn’t seem to be moving.

Dean approached her and a tear slid down his face. _No no no no no._ “Charlie?” he asked, even though he knew she couldn’t hear him.

Sam came up behind him and took her pulse. He shook his head.

“Shit no!” Dean shouted, kicking the toilet. The tears ran freely now, blinding his vision.

Sam gathered her in his arms and wrapped her in the hotel sheets. They drove with her in the trunk, just in case they got pulled over. Dean was once again going way too fast as he sped back to the bunker.

On the road, he called Cas. He picked up instantly.

 _“Did you find her?”_ he asked. He sounded concerned.

“Cas…” Dean said, his voice cracking. “Charlie’s dead.”

Cas was silent for a couple of seconds. _“Dean… I am so sorry. This is all my fault,”_ he said quietly.

“No, it’s not. You’re not the one I blame,” he said, glancing at Sam in the passenger seat.

_“No. I lied to you…”_

“I know you didn’t want to,” Dean said trying not to cry. “Baby, I need you right now... Can you meet me back at the bunker?”

_“Dean… I would but I… I’m here with Rowena… I can’t just leave her unsupervised.”_

“No, man, I get it. You’re just trying to help… Thanks anyway,” he said as he hung up the phone.

He knew he was being unfair to Cas but he couldn’t help it. He was upset and angry and he didn’t want to hear the rest of what his know-it-all boyfriend had to say.

He pulled into the bunker’s driveway. Sam hadn’t said a word to him the whole drive. Good. Dean was fine with that. All he wanted to do was cremate his friend and get blackout drunk.

End of chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Charlie... I loved her and Rowena in this episode...


	17. Prisoner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promise this thing has a happy ending, don't kill me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fall Out Boy's Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes (Boycott Love) fits Dean's emotional range this season SUPER well [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9vQ41wAsZ0)

**Chapter 17**

Dean:

He wished Cas were there with him as he and Sam chopped word for the pyre. He felt bad that he had ended their conversation the way he did. He understood why Cas had to stay with Rowena, but he didn’t like it.

He was getting angrier with every swing of his axe. Maybe he _didn’t_ want Cas here. He didn’t need to see Dean like this. He didn’t need to see him lose control again, become a prisoner to the curse flowing through his body. It would break his heart.

By the time they laid Charlie’s body on the pyre, Dean was livid. Yeah, it was a good thing Cas wasn’t here because he was about point five seconds away from ripping his brother a new one. He felt the Mark tingle as the wood caught fire and the flames spread to engulf his friend’s body. No matter if he lived as long as Cain, he would never forgive his brother for this. Ever.

Sam was the first to break the silence. “Charlie, we're gonna miss you. You were the best... And I'm so sorry--”

“Shut up,” Dean growled. “You got her killed. You don’t get to apologize.”

Sam took a breath before he spoke. “We were trying to help you,” he said quietly.

“None of that ‘we’ shit.” Dean felt himself shaking as he spoke. “ _You_ got her killed. Leave Cas and Charlie out of it… I didn't need your help, Sam. I told you to leave it alone, but you didn’t and you dragged people I _love_ into it.”

“What was I supposed to do, Dean? Just watch you die?” Sam asked, his voice quivering.

“The Mark isn’t gonna kill me.” Even as he said this, he felt a surge of power and adrenaline radiate from the Mark. It wanted him alive and it wanted him angry. He was it's prisoner.

“Maybe not, but…” Sam’s voiced cracked as if he were holding back tears. “When it’s done with you, you won’t be you anymore… Dean, you’re my family... You’re Cas’s family. You guys are all I’ve got. So of _course_ we were gonna fight for you because that’s what we do. And listen, if there was even a shot-”

“Yeah, you had a shot,” Dean snarled. “Charlie’s dead. Nice shot.”

“You think I’m…” Sam paused, trying not to cry. “You think I’m ever gonna forgive myself for that?”

Dean looked at his brother. He felt no sympathy for him.

“You wanna know what I think?” he asked, his voice cold with malice. “I think it should be you up there, not her! This thing, with Cas and the book, ends now. You will _not_ fail him the same way you failed her. Shut it down before somebody else gets hurt. You understand me?”

Dean wanted to punch his brother. He wished Cas hadn’t stopped him from bashing his head in with that hammer.

Sam didn’t speak for a least a minute. “And what about you?” he asked.

Dean knew that Sam was asking. He still wanted to know how to _fix_ Dean. But there was no fixing Dean. There was only sating the Mark.

“Oh, I’m gonna find whoever this and I’m gonna rip apart everything and everyone they ever loved. And then I’m gonna tear out their heart,” he said with eerie calm.

Sam studied him for a second. “Is that you talking or the Mark?” he asked him, his forehead creased with worry.

“Does it matter?” Dean asked as he walked away. Nothing mattered to him more than getting revenge for Charlie’s death. If the revenge was for her or for him, he could not say. All he knew was that he needed it with every fiber of his being.  


* * *

Cas:

Cas was attempting to read the Codex to no avail. He was sick with worry and found himself unable to concentrate on the symbols in front of him. He rubbed his eyes. He felt like crying. Charlie was dead and it was entirely his fault, and now, Dean had to mourn her death alone, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He pulled out his phone to text Dean again and noticed Rowena staring at him from the post he had chained her to.

“Stop looking at me,” he growled as he sent Dean the text. It was her fault he was here in this dingy building instead of with Dean.

“I’m sorry, you’re just fascinating,” she said with a grin. “An angel that rejected Heaven. That’s like a fish that wants to fly or a dog that thinks he’s people.”

Cas was frustrated. “Well, I’m a lot like people,” he said. He found the witch’s tone insulting.

“Keep telling yourself that, dear,” she said flatly.

What had she meant by that? Of course Cas wasn’t human, but he was a _person_ , right? He had a personality. He had feelings. He certainly _felt_ human enough at times. But then, a very insecure part of his brain dug its way to the surface. _Dean will never love you because you aren’t human. To him you aren’t a person. You’re just a tool. He’ll be bored with you soon._ He was startled when he heard the door open and quickly blinked the thoughts away. Sam was back.

"Well about bloody time," Rowena scowled, annoyed the younger Winchester had left her with the angel.

“Where’s Dean?” Cas asked, immediately noticing he wasn't with his brother.

“He went after them, Cas. He went after the Stynes-”

“And you didn’t try and stop him?” Cas asked, sudden anger coursing through his veins.

“He didn’t want to be stopped,” Sam said, his eyes apologetic.

Cas took a deep breath. Even though he technically didn’t need to, it helped calm him down. “Well, what now?” he asked.

“I’m shutting this down, I promised Dean…”

“Er, hello?” Rowena interrupted them. “Anyone want to tell me what’s going on?”

“No,” both men said at the same time.

Rowena rolled her eyes and sat down to pout.

“What about her?” Cas asked under his breath. The witch had been nothing but a pain since he first met her just a few short days ago.

“Guess,” Sam said, his face stern.

“I’d be happy to kill her, she just called me a fish,” he said with disgust. But then he remembered there were more pressing matters. “What about Dean? We need to find him. If you’re unwilling to go after him, I will.”

Sam searched his face for a moment. “We, uh, we should be able to track him,” he said giving Cas an understanding look. “I LoJacked the Impala a few weeks back just in case. Here,” he said, pulling out his phone and pulling up the GPS app.

Cas took the phone from him and looked down at the screen, but then he noticed a notification that said Sam had received an email from Charlie.

“Sam, what’s this?” he asked, opening the email. There was an attachment labeled “FORDEAN.”

“Shit, I forgot! She sent that while Dean was on my phone,” he said hitting the download button.

Once the file downloaded he showed the phone to Rowena.

“Is this what I think it is?” Sam asked her, eyeing her closely.

“Oh, that little minx,” Rowena chuckled softly. “She’s cracked the code.”

“Can you read the Book of the Damned with this?” Cas asked impatiently.

Rowena grinned. “Every last word,” she said. “We can cure the Mark of Cain.”

Cas smiled. Maybe they had a chance. Maybe, for once, there was hope.

“I’m going to find Dean,” he told Sam.

Sam sighed. “Cas, he said-”

“I know what he said, Sam,” Cas sighed and looked down at his feet. He spoke after a pause. “I love him… And I can’t let him go at this alone. And neither can you. He’s out there, Sam, scared and alone. He has always been there for us. He has always selflessly put himself in harm’s way to protect us.” He paused again and looked at Sam. “We owe him this. We owe him everything,” he begged.

Sam’s forehead crinkled. “You’re right. Just because he doesn't want to be found doesn’t mean we shouldn't find him… I guess I thought it would be best to leave him alone until we cured this thing but he doesn’t deserve that.”

“Sam, I know he pretends to be strong. I know he acts like he’s tough, but we both know the truth. We know what happens if we don’t cure him. We both know that ends with black eyes and blood,” Cas choked. “What I’m trying to say is… I worry about him. And I know you do too… I know I have no real claim over him. I know that to him family comes first and that I am not his family…”

“What are you talking about, Cas?” Sam asked, placing an arm on his shoulder. “Dean loves you.”

“I just hope that’s enough,” he said. He didn’t bother telling Sam that neither of them had said the words yet. He was still unsure that Dean even felt the same way about him.

“Of course it it! Love is always enough.”

* * *

Dean:

The cop car turned on it's lights behind him. _Shit_! Dean thought as he pulled over and cut the engine. He pulled out an ID. It said “Philip J. Fry.” He shrugged. It’d have to do.

“What’s the problem, officer?” he asked as the older man approached him.

“License and reg,” the cop said, looking at him over the rims of his sunglasses. He handed the documents to him. “Out of the car, Philip,” he said after reviewing the papers.

“You can call me Fry,” Dean smirked. He always seemed to get away with sci-fi references.

“Out of the car, Fry,” the officer repeated.

Dean complied. “Well I wasn't’ speeding. I’m sober… mostly sober. So, what’s this about?” Dean asked. He didn’t like the cop’s attitude. He saw another cop approach out of the corner of his eye.

“Blinker’s out,” the first cop said as the second smashed his taillight with his nightstick.

“Hey!” Dean shouted.

“That’s a violation,” the older cop said with a small smirk.

“Don’t,” Dean warned the men.

The second cop smashed his other taillight and Dean lunged at him but the first cop held him back.

“Two lights out,” he said as he slammed Dean against the Impala, handcuffing him. “And attempted assault on of a police officer. Looks like we’re taking you down to the station, boy.”

“Oh, I ain’t your boy,” Dean spat.

“Right now you are, so you best settle. Or you're gonna get an ass-whuppin', instead of a phone call,” the cop said as he shoved him into the back of the cop car.

At the police station, he was handcuffed to a chair in front of the second officer’s desk. The officer was rummaging through Dean’s box of fake IDs. Dean just stared at him, his face murderous.

“Jack Bauer, John McClane, Snake Plissken. Damn, I mean, they said you were a pro but…” the officer closed the box.

“Who said that?” Dean asked, his voice calm.

“I’ll ask the questions here,” the cop said. “Like, for example, you got seventeen fake IDs and a trunk full of guns, knives, and a fucking ninja star… I mean, who are you, man?”

“I’m the guy that’s gonna get out of here in about thirty seconds,” Dean said with a small smirk.

The cop scoffed. “Yeah right,” he said. Dean looked him straight in the eyes and knocked over a mug full of pens with his free hand. “Real mature,” the officer sighed. As he got up to retrieve the mug Dean watched him closely, careful not to give away his next move. Then man bent over to grab the mug and Dean punched him in the facing, throwing him to the floor. He pinned the man down expertly with his legs.

“Keys,” Dean demanded as the cop struggled beneath him. “Keys, now!”

The officer reached around to his pocket and held the eyes out for Dean. As soon as he grabbed them, Dean knocked him unconscious with swift kick to the temple using the heel of his boot. He unlocked his handcuffs, and grabbed the officer’s gun from the holster around his waist.

He sneaked into the older cop's office in time to catch the tail end of a phone call.

“He was driving a ‘67 Impala, just like you said… Sure, can do,” he said as he hung up the phone.

“Who’re you talking to?” Dean asked, startling the man.

“Nobody,” he answered quickly.

Dean drew the gun he stole and approached the man. “Nobody?” he asked and he hit him in the face with the back of his gun. “That’s for lying to me.” Dean hit him again. “And that is for my baby,” Dean said, referring to the Impala. He threw the officer onto the desk and held him down, gun pointed at his throat. “Now, who were you talking to?” Dean shouted.

“Monroe Styne,” the man answered fearfully. “He said if I saw you I was supposed to bring you in and then call him.”

“Where can I find him?” Dean asked, threateningly.

“You can’t take on the Stynes. They own this town. They’re practically gods around here,” the cop choked.

“Yeah, well, I kill gods,” Dean said with a humorless smirk, knocking the man out.

* * *

Cas:

Cas had arrived at the Styne estate too late. He closed his eyes unable to look at the destruction caused by the man he loved. He had to call Sam.

 _“Yeah?”_ Sam asked after a single ring.

“It’s me,” Cas said, trying to keep his voice normal.

 _“Hey,”_ Sam sounded relieved. _“Did you find him?”_

“Not yet. But I’m as the Styne estate in Louisiana and… Dean was here,” he said, looking at the body of a young female. Red painted her white gown.

_“You sure?”_

“I’m sure,” Cas answered. This was Dean’s handiwork.

_“How bad is it?”_

“There are three bodies down here and more than a dozen upstairs in the main house,” Cas told the younger Winchester. “He killed everyone. And brutally.”

_“Alright, I’m on my way.”_

“No, don’t bother, Sam. The GPS says he’s headed north. Dean’s coming home,” Cas said, switching to the app on his phone. “It looks like he has at least an hour head start. If I leave now, I can catch up with him back at the bunker,” Cas said, observing the map.

_“I’ll meet you there.”_

“No, Sam. He’s angry with you. No offense, but I’m probably the only person on the planet who could calm him down right now.” He cringed, remembering what Rowena said, about him not being a person.

_“Okay, but promise me you’ll call me if you need backup.”_

* * *

Thirteen hours later Cas pulled into the bunker. Dean had not stopped once during the entire trip. Not to eat, or sleep, or even to use the restroom. He saw the Impala as well as a couple of other vehicles in the driveway and knew he was already too late. He regretted the text he had sent Dean back at the distillery. He had asked him to come home, and that is just what Dean did.

Cas sprinted into the bunker. As he approached the library he heard a gunshot. He rounded the corner and saw Dean with his back turned to him.

“Dean!” he shouted, getting his attention. Cas barely recognized the man who turned to look at him. “What have you done?” he asked, unable to hid his anger.

He crossed the room to kneel by the body of a boy, he couldn’t have been older than seventeen or eighteen. _Claire’s age._

“You killed him,” he said, unable to look at Dean.

“I took down a monster,” Dean said as he clicked on his gun’s safety. “Because that’s what I do. And I’ll continue to do that until-”

“Until you become the monster,” Cas said, standing up to face the man before him.

“You can leave now, Cas,” Dean huffed, turning away from him.

“No, I can’t,” Cas said to him. “Because I care about you.”

Dean swung around to face him. “Really? Well let me ask you something,” Dean said, moving closer. “Do you screw over all the people you care about?”

“Sam and I were trying to cure you! We still are!” Cas said, his voice rising. Cas needed to calm down, needed to convince Dean that he was on his side, but he could't seem to dilute the anger in his voice.

“Like hell,” Dean growled, his jaw clenching.

“We can read the Book now,” Cas told him. He needed Dean to know there was still hope for him, that he could still recover from this.

“Oh so what? So you _might_ find a spell that _MIGHT_ take this crap off my arm? But even if you do, what's it gonna cost? 'Cause magic like that does not come free. No, it comes with a price that you pay in blood. So thanks, but I'm good,” Dean said, turning to leave.

Cas grabbed his shoulder, stopping him. “No! You're not. Maybe you could fight the Mark for years. Maybe centuries, like Cain did. But you cannot fight it forever. And when you finally turn, and you will turn... Sam, and everyone you know, everyone you _love_ ... they could be long dead. Everyone except _me_ … _I'm_ the one who will have to watch you murder the world. So if there's even a small chance that we can save you, I won't let you walk out of this room,” Cas said, gripping his arm as he spoke.

“Oh, you think you have a choice,” Dean grunted.

“I think the Mark is changing you,” Cas said. He still hadn’t removed his arm.

Dean’s eyes pierced his. “You’re wrong,” he murmured.

“Am I? Because the Dean Winchester I know would never have murdered that kid.” He gestured towards the dead boy on the ground. No, _his_ Dean would never hurt an innocent.

“Yeah well, that Dean's always been kind of a dick.” He sounded eerily like Demon Dean. Cas remembered the way he had mocked him from the chair in the dungeon, how those black eyes frightened him.

Dean tried to leave again. “Dean,” Cas placed his hand on his chest, stopping him. “I don’t wanna have to hurt you.”

Dean looked at him, his eyes dark and foreboding. “I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem,” he said as he grabbed Cas’s hand from his chest and twisted it backwards.

Dean punched Cas in the face and it actually hurt. It was such a contrast to the touches they had exchanged the past six months that Cas was taken aback. He didn’t think Dean could hurt him. He didn’t know he was strong enough. He remembered how Cain had thrown him like he was nothing, and realized that the Mark had complete control over Dean.

He felt another punch to the face and felt his lip crack. He tasted blood, or rather the molecules that made up blood. He grabbed Dean by the shoulder, trying to make him stop but Dean just kept punching him. Cas tried to block each blow but Dean hit him in the stomach, causing his arms to cradle his abdomen. This left his face open for another powerful blow.

Dean kneed him in the groin and threw him to the ground. He skidded and almost knocked over the pile of books that was in the middle of the room. They smelt of gasoline.

Dean walked away and Cas called after him. “Dean, stop,” he said softly.

Dean turned around and for a second his eyes went soft, but the fleeting look was replaced by pure anger as he bound across the room and launched his fists into Castiel once more. Cas tried to restrain him as he did when Dean was a demon but Dean threw his head back, hitting Cas square in the nose. He heard the cartilage crunch. He didn’t have time to react before Dean kneed him and threw him into a table, slamming his head repeatedly against the hard surface, and finally pushing him to the ground.

Cas lay face down and Dean flipped him over, sitting on top of his legs to keep him from moving. He grabbed the angel blade that was now poking out of his sleeve and pulled him in closer by the samulet.

Dean prepared to stab him but Cas grabbed the hand that was holding him by the amulet. He felt blood trickling down his face and he could barely open his eyes, but he couldn’t give up on Dean. He had to somehow reach out to the man he knew was struggling to break free of the curse.

“No, Dean… Please.” his voice was barely more than a whisper. “I love you. Please.”

Dean raised his arm and plunged the blade into a book lying near Cas’s head. Cas turned to look at it, horrified that it had come so close to killing him.

“You and Sam stay the hell away from me. Next time, I won’t miss,” Dean promised as he fled the room.

Cas felt woozy. He could no longer keep his eyes open. Everything went dark.

End of chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LoJacked? What the hell is LoJacked? Well, I'm glad you asked dear reader. The LoJack Stolen Vehicle Recovery System is an aftermarket vehicle tracking system that allows vehicles to be tracked by police with the aim of recovering them in case of theft.
> 
> Also, Fall Out Boy's Jet Pack Blues fits this chapter so well, I think [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtgiP95ikIE)


	18. Lover's Keeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter in season 10 - Warning: it's long!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lore presented in this is my own personal headcanon, although after reading carefully through the Wiki I feel it is fairly canon compliant. It is not my intention to offend anyone with my personal interpretation.

**Chapter 18**

Cas:

Cas found Sam making witch-brew bullets, his friend’s face scrunched up in concentration. On the table next to Charlie’s laptop was the Codex and three photographs. Two were quite old; one was of a young Dean and his mother, the other included baby Sam as well as Dean and his mother. As Cas smiled at the happy family, he turned his attention to the other photograph, this one was much newer. It was a picture of Dean and Cas cuddled up together on the couch, Cas’s arm lazily splayed over Dean’s shoulder. Both men were laughing but looking away from the camera. Cas couldn’t recall the picture being taken.

He was about to ask Sam about it when he looked up from his work.

“Anything?” the younger Winchester asked, his forehead scrunching together even further.

Cas sighed and looked away. “Twelve voicemails and at least twenty unread text messages,” he admitted. It was unlike Dean to ignore him for this long.

“So a big heaping scoop of nothing?” Sam asked. When Cas nodded he continued, “LoJack on the Impala has been disabled.” He sighed. He clearly was just as frustrated as Cas, maybe more so.

“We need Rowena to hold up her end of the bargain, now,” Cas told him, but even as he said it he was unsure. Doubt crept into his mind. What if it didn’t work? What if the cost was too great?

Sam must’ve noticed because he stopped working entirely. “What?” he asked, giving Cas his characteristic puppy-dog stare.

“Nothing,” Cas lied. Sam deepened the stare and Cas sighed, giving in. “It’s… It’s just if she removes the Mark using The Book of the Damned, what of the consequences?” Cas shuttered at the way his voice revealed his insecurity. He needed to get a hold of himself.

“Which are what?” Sam asked. His voice sounded strained, annoyed.

“Dean said-’’

“Dean guessed!” Sam shouted, causing Cas to take a step back. He was still jumpy from his last encounter with Dean.

Sam took a breath, exhaling loudly, and continued. “Cas, what are we supposed to do, huh? Just sit on our asses, do nothing?” he asked, exasperated.

“No. We find Dean!” Cas all but shouted.

“And then what?!” Sam shouted back. “The only thing that stopped Cain was death. Do you want to kill Dean? Because I don’t. And the only way I know how to save my brother is cure the Mark. And, yes, I know there will be consequences, but not you, not Dean, not _anybody_ can tell me what those consequences actually are. So I’m not gonna let my brother destroy himself on a guess.” He was out of breath by the time he was done talking.

Cas looked away in shame. “You’re right. We have to save Dean… At all costs,” he said, now sure of himself. There was no way he was going to lose Dean. Not now, not ever.

* * *

Dean:

A semi honked its horn, causing Dean’s eyes to shoot open. The first thing he noticed was his head. It hurt like hell. He realized he was lying face down on the carpet. He blinked. How did he get here? Furthermore, where was here?

He lifted his head and blinked a couple of times, trying to remember what had happened the night before. _Motel room_ , he thought. He was in a motel room. He grunted and rose to his feet, using the bed as support as he reached for his phone on the nightstand. He had twelve missed calls and over twenty unread texts from Cas. He put the phone back down on the bedside table.

 _Shit, Cas_ , he thought remembering what had transpired less than twelve hours ago. He rubbed his hand down his eyes as it all came back to him. He had beaten the shit out of his boyfriend, beat him bloody. He didn’t even know that was possible. And not only that, he had tried to kill him. He had him pinned down under his own angel blade. The only thing that had stopped him, the only thing that had brought him back to himself long enough to remove himself from the situation, were Castiel’s words. His angel had told him he loved him.

Dean took a swig of a half-drunken beer he found by the bed. It tasted flat, but he didn’t care. Castiel had said that he loved him. He felt a tear slip down his face and his breath catch in his throat. He had waited so long to hear him say those words, those words that he himself should have said a long time ago, and they had come at the worst possible moment. He knew Cas had meant them, but part of him wondered if he had said them simply to make Dean stop or if he just wanted Dean to hear the words before he died. Both thoughts made Dean shiver.

He took another sip of his beer, the foamy liquid dripped down the side of his mouth. He didn’t care. He blinked as fresh tears formed in his eyes again and put his head in his hands and wept. He wept for his brother, and Cas, and most of all, Charlie. He wept because there was no way to undo the damage that he’d caused in the lives of the people who meant the most to him. He wept until he had no more tears to shed.

He took a deep breath, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m good… I’m good…” he said to himself. It was far from the truth, but he couldn't stay in the room all day. He had to take his mind off of what happened, or else he’d never be able to stop thinking about it. He had to keep himself busy if he was ever gonna find a way to overcome the Mark.

* * *

Cas:

Rowena took a sip of tea out of an insulated paper cup, the kind that was fuzzy and had pictures of coffee beans on it. She looked up and saw that Sam was pointing his gun at her with Cas standing next to him.

“Hello, boys,” she smirked, twirling her finger around the string of her teabag. “Just in time for tea… Unless something’s on your mind?”

“Five things, actually,” Sam said as he raised his gun and cocked it. “Hollow tips filled with witch-killing brew.”

The witch smirked as if her life wasn't in danger. “How exciting for you. Your NRA will be beside themselves with pride.”

“No more games, Rowena,” Sam said with as much command as could muster. “Do the spell, now.”

“Or what exactly?” she asked, dunking her teabag. “Come on, Samuel! You and I both know that’s nothing but a bluff. Charlie may have cracked the Codex but who’s gonna read it if I’m gone? Not to mention handling the ingredients, getting the measurements just right… Unless either of you have spent _years_ of your life studying with the greats, mastering the intricacies of high witchcraft. But forgive me, maybe you have,” she said and took a sip of her tea. “I know you’re upset. We all are. _Poor Dean_. Let’s just have a nice wee cup of tea, and negotiate,” she persuaded.

Sam uncocked his gun and approached the table. “What do you want?” he asked her.

“Oh, well, we know what I wanted. Spoiled the sheets on that one, didn’t we?” she chuckled but an intimidating look replaced the facade. “Let’s talk about what I’ll _take…_ My freedom, guaranteed, and the Codex.”

Cas eyed Sam closely. “Sam, you can’t be serious…” he said. He didn’t trust Rowena, not for a second.

Sam considered what she said for a moment. “Do you know which spell?” he asked.

“I do,” the witch promised him.

But Cas had a bad feeling about her, one he couldn’t shake. “Sam, this is a mistake,” he warned him.

“Do it,” Sam said, ignoring Cas.

Before Cas could argue any further the witch was reading from the Book of the Damned.

“Something made by God, but forbidden to man,” she said, tracing the words on the page with her finger.

“Forbidden?” Sam asked, confused.

“The forbidden fruit?” Cas asked.

He had not been at the Garden of Eden as the first humans evolved. He always assumed the fruit had been a metaphor of some sort. He and his garrison had been assigned to humanity only _after_ God had left, although Castiel did have fond memories of Earth before humans. As Metatron had put it, he’d "been around since scaly things crawled up out of the muck." He remembered watching a little gray fish heave itself up on the beach and an older brother saying, “Don't step on that fish, Castiel. Big plans for that fish.” Perhaps this is why he was so fascinated with humanity, he had seen just how far they had come.

Sam huffed. “No,” he said with disbelief, looking at Rowena and Cas. “The actual apple is the first ingredient?”

Rowena shrugged and continued to read the spell.

“Ok, uh, what’s next?” Cas asked her, still hardly believing it himself.

“Something made by man, but forbidden by God,” she said, looking at the two men.

“Ok, well, God forbade false idols, right?” Sam asked, looking at Cas for help.

“The Golden Calf,” Cas said, remembering.

Although, technically God wasn’t around for that. He had left shortly after humanity expanded from the Garden, and nobody had heard from him since. It was _Heaven_ that forbade false idols, always hoping that if humanity worshiped God, he’d come back. Now, Cas understood that it was _humanity_ that deserved his praise. They were beautiful works of art, as he once told Dean. After all, Lucifer was banished to Hell for refusing to bow down to them, as God had commanded.

“Wasn’t that destroyed?” Sam asked.

Cas nodded. This wasn’t going to be easy. “Great,” he said sarcastically. “What’s the third ingredient?”

“Oh,” Rowena sighed.

Cas felt a sharp pang of panic. “What?” he asked, holding his breath.

“The third ingredient, it’s impossible,” she sighed in frustration.

“What is it?” Sam asked.

“Loosely translated: my heart,” Rowena smirked.

“It’s not impossible at all,” Cas stated. If someone had to cut out the witch’s heart, he’d be the first to volunteer.

“Not my literal heart, feathers,” Rowena chided. “Something I love, the spell calls for me to kill it.”

“A sacrifice,” Sam said, understanding.

“Precisely, the book will grant freedom from the curse, but it wants something in return,” Rowena explained.

“Well, then give it,” Sam told her.

“Bring me something I love, I’ll kill it! I want my freedom too much to make a fuss over that!” Rowena shouted. “The problem is, I don’t love anything.”

“What about Crowley?” Cas asked. Surely she loved her son.

“Happy to kill him. Let’s not call it love,” she stated, her face humorless.

“I don’t believe you,” Cas said as he approached her. “Everyone loves something.”

He placed two fingers on her forehead, extracting the memory of a child.

“Polish boy. Oskar,” he said as the vision faded.

The witch went pale. “I’m sorry, Oskar?” she asked, her voice faltering. “You _saw_ Oskar?”

“Who is he?” Sam asked.

“Who was he?” Rowena repeated. “A peasant boy. His family helped me through some difficulties three hundred years ago.”

Just then, Sam’s cellphone rang, he answered it, excusing himself. He spoke too quietly for Rowena to make out what he was saying but Cas’s angelic hearing allowed him to make out every word.

“Rudy. What’s up?” Sam asked as he walked to the far side of the room. “Dean’s in Nebraska, working a case...? Yeah, Dean’s not exactly in the best place right now. You know what? Text me the details, would you…? Ok. Thanks,” he said, hanging up the phone.

Cas approached Sam. From what he heard, Dean might be in trouble.

“What’s going on?” he asked, trying not to sound as worried as he felt.

“Cas, take this,” Sam said, handing him a baggie. “It’s Dean’s hair. You need it for the spell.”

“If Dean is in trouble-”

“No, Cas. I need you here to make sure the spell happens. If this doesn’t work, we’re out of options… I know you want to be with him right now. I get that, believe me, I do. But _this_ is the most important thing you can do for him right now.”

Cas wanted to protest but he knew Sam was right. If the spell didn’t work, Dean would be lost to them.

* * *

Dean:

That evening, Dean washed his hands in the motel sink. _I killed him. I let Rudy die._ He looked in the mirror and a hollowed out version of his face stared back at him. He barely recognized the man in the reflection with his pale clammy flesh and red rimmed eyes. He focused on washing his hands, cleansing them of non-existent blood. _So much blood._ Blood he had shed.

When he looked back in the mirror he saw Rudy staring back at him, his wound gushing blood. He blinked and the image was gone. _Shit, I am losing my mind_ , he thought as he continued to scrub at his hands. He tried to calm himself, tried to think rationally.

He looked in the mirror again, studying the green eyes looking back at him. They no longer looked like his own. Something in them changed, they appeared darker somehow, less human. He blinked and the eyes were blue, the bloody face of his angel stared at him, foreboding. Ominous.

Dean couldn’t handle it, the guilt of what he had done to the man he loved. He punched the mirror, shattering the image. Raw anger flowed through his veins as he knocked the hairdryer off the wall. He made his way through the rest of the motel room in a rage, smashing the box television onto the floor and throwing a lamp at the wall.

Even if - by some miracle - they could cure the Mark, there was no way Cas would take him back. His one chance at happiness, at a life free of hunting, was stolen by the curse. He smashed a chair into the dresser in anger, knocking over another lamp.

He stood in the middle of the room, panting, broken furniture surrounding him. The reality of what he just did sank in. He was a ticking time bomb. A wave of destruction that could not be set free upon the world. He couldn’t rely on an ancient book to break the curse. The only answer was a more permanent solution. He couldn’t afford to be weak. Not now. Not while he was still a threat to everything he loved.

* * *

Cas:

Castiel gathered the dried herbs, nuts, and fruit into a bowl and placed it in the middle of the sigil. He didn’t want to involve _him_ but he knew there was no other choice. Without his wings, there was no chance he’d find all the ingredients in time to save Dean. Before he could second-guess himself, he lit the contents of the bowl on fire, the herbs quickly took flame.

Suddenly, Crowley appeared at the crossroads with a sigh. “Who summons anymore?” he asked with slightly annoyed tone. “Couldn’t you call?”

“You’re not in my contacts list,” Cas explained.

Crowley rolled his eyes. “What?” he asked, annoyance thickening.

“I need your assistance to help cure Dean of the Mark,” Cas explained begrudgingly.

“What’s the expression? I gave at the office?” he said.

Cas had no idea what that meant.

“I-” he started, but the demon interrupted him.

“Maybe I’d feel a little different if Sam Winchester hadn’t just tried to bloody kill me!” he shouted.

Cas was unaware that the younger Winchester had been in contact with the King of Hell. But it didn’t matter. He _needed_ his help.

“I’m afraid ‘no’ is not an acceptable answer,” he said with as much intimidation as he vessel could muster.

“Or what?” the man asked stubbornly.

Cas raised his hand in front of the man’s face, concentrating. But the demon wasn’t impressed.

“That’s right, burn those eyes blue. Spread those broken wings and fucking destroy me!” he taunted. “Or… do it my way.”

Cas lowered his hand. The demon had called his bluff.

“Right. Now beg,” the man said gruffly.

“What?” Cas asked. There was no way.

“Blast me, or beg!” Crowley bellowed.

Clearly Cas didn’t have a choice in the matter. He sighed. _For Dean._

“Crowley-” he began.

“King!” Crowley screamed.

He was annoyed but he complied. He had to.

“King,” he corrected. “If you - if you would - if you would be so _kind_ … The three ingredients on this list.” The demon looked smug as Castiel spoke. He didn’t even try to hide the sarcasm in his voice.

Crowley took the paper from him, scanning it.

“‘Forbidden fruit.’ Well, for starters, it’s a quince you dummy, not an apple,” he explained, referencing the pear-like fruit. “No problem. ‘Golden Calf’ or what’s left of it… check. ‘Something Rowena loves?’” The man narrowed his eyes at him.

“I would’ve thought it would’ve been you, but…”

“Spare me. I’ve lived it.”

Cas stared at him, questioning, and the demon chuckled lightly.

“Well…?” Cas asked. He was done playing games.

“I’m in,” he said as he disappeared.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this…” Cas said to himself.

* * *

Sam:

Sam drove to the town Rudy said Dean was saying in. He didn’t know _where_ exactly he was staying but he had texted him the names of a few shit motels that seemed to fit Dean’s M.O. He stopped his Dodge Neon abruptly when he saw the Impala parked outside one of the seediest joints he’d ever seen.

He parked his car next to the Impala and knocked on the motel door. No answer.

“Dean, it’s me,” he said and knocked again, pulling his gun out, just in case.

Still no answer. He decided to forgo picking the lock and instead put all of his weight into the wood, busting open the door. He was worried Dean was in trouble. When the door opened, he noticed a broken chair. _Shit!_ he thought as flipped on the lights. The rest of the room was utterly trashed. Not only was there broken furniture, but there were beer and liquor bottles everywhere. Sam noticed several empty bags of chips and wondered to himself if that was all he’d eaten the past few days. Dean had the tendency to stop caring for himself when he got upset.

Sam spotted a note on the bed that read “She’s all yours. Tell Cas I love him.”, next to it were the keys to the Impala.

“Shit,” he said aloud. He had to find Dean before he did something stupid.

* * *

Dean:

Dean flipped on the lights of the small Mexican shack. The restaurant was shabby but somehow still in business. In the kitchen he found the supplies he needed to make his signature Mexican dishes. He smiled fondly as a cooked, remembering how much Cas had loved his cooking when he was human. He quickly found out that Cas had an affinity for the cultural cuisine when he first introduced him to microwave burritos. When Cas moaned into the meat and cheese filled tortilla, Dean knew that he had to introduce him to the “authentic” Americanized goodness that were his homemade taquitos. Hopefully, his guest would like them just as much as Cas did.

When he finished cooking, he mixed the summoning ingredients and placed them in a bowl in the middle of the sigil. He lit the candles and took a deep breath, slicing into the palm of his hand. His blood dripped into the bowl as he said the spell.

“Te nunc invoco, mortem. Te in mea potestate defixi. Nunc et in aeternum.” The ground shook and lights popped as he chanted. Then everything went quiet and a voice spoke behind him.

“Don’t tell me that’s queso,” Death said as Dean wrapped his hand in a bandana.

“Yeah… yes,” Dean said, slightly surprised. “Queso and, uh, taquitos, and tamales. Homemade by yours truly. All with the bad fat. Consider it an offering.” He presented the tray to Death, his hands shaking slightly.

“For?” Death asked as he took a bit of a taquito.

“I want you to kill me,” Dean said without hesitation.

“What I find truly fascinating, Dean…” he said as he dipped the taquito in queso and took another bite. “Mmm, that’s good,” he complimented him and continued, “is that you and I both know that I’ve been burned by you Winchesters before, yet you still call.” Death placed his half-eaten taquito back on the tray and walked away.

Dean turned to face him, still holding the tray of food. “Yeah, I know, but not this time, ok?” he said as he walked to the table he had set for Death and placed the tray down. “No games, no second thoughts. I know you know what this is.” He pointed to his forearm and Death looked down at the Mark. “I know you know what it can do… I’ve tried to fight it. I’ve tried to beat it on my own. And I-I can’t. I got no moves left… except you.”

“Well, I never thought I’d see the day,” Death said as he sat down at the table. “My goodness, Dean Winchester has tipped over his king.” He took a sip of Coke. “But I won’t kill you, Dean.”

“You’re death,” Dean stated.

“And that Mark on your arm is the First Curse. Nothing can kill you.”

“Ok, well, forget killing me. Can you get rid of it?” he asked.

“I could,” Death sighed.

“But…?”

“Creatio ex nihilo. God created the Earth out of nothing, or so your Sunday school teacher would have you believe.”

“What, so Genesis is a lie? Shocker,” Dean said with feigned surprise.

Death stood up and looked at him. “Before there was light, before there was God and the archangels, there _wasn’t_ nothing. There was the Darkness, a horribly destructive, amoral force that was beaten back by God and his archangels in a terrible war. God locked the Darkness away where it could do no harm and he created a Mark that would serve as both lock and key, which he entrusted to his most valued lieutenant, Lucifer. But the Mark began to assert its own will, revealed itself as a curse and began to corrupt. Lucifer became jealous of Man. God banished Lucifer to Hell. Lucifer passed the Mark to Cain who passed the Mark to you, the proverbial ‘finger in the dike.’”

“Well that is just fan-fucking-tastic isn’t it?” Dean said sarcastically, sitting down.

“So I _could_ remove the Mark but only if you will share it with another,” Death said and leaned in closer to Dean to drive in his point. “To ensure the lock remains unbroken and the Darkness remains banned.”

“I’m not doing that,” Dean whispered, afraid. “Not to anyone.”

Death stepped away from him. “What if I told you could relocate you somewhere far away, not even on this earth, where you would still be alive, but no longer a danger to yourself or others?”

“Just tell me what to do.”

* * *

After Death explained the plan, Dean tried calling Cas. He needed to talk to him one last time. But Cas didn’t answer. He cursed under his breath and dialed Sam’s number, hoping he’d have more luck with his brother.

 _“Dean,”_ Sam said when he picked up.

“I gave it a shot, Sammy,” Dean said to him.

_“Listen to me, whatever you’re doing, whatever you’ve done… please.”_

“Hell, I even worked a case. I gave everything I had to beat this thing down,” he sighed.

_“I saw… I saw Rudy.”_

“Well, then, you saw what I did…” Dean choked.

_“No, that wasn’t you.”_

“Sure as hell felt like me… Hurting Cas felt like me…” Dean said, tearing up. “Brother, I’m done.”

_“No. No, you’re not, Dean.”_

“Is Cas with you?” he asked.

“No, he’s still out there, trying to help you... Dean, he _loves_ you. _I_ love you.” He heard his brother’s voice crack.

“I know,” Dean said as a tear slipped down his cheek. “Grab a pen. It’s time to say goodbye… Just you, though. Don’t… don’t bring Cas.”

As soon as he gave his brother the address, he hung up the phone. He turned it over in his hands, debating. Finally, he sent Cas a text. He had to say goodbye.

 _I love you_ , he texted. And before he could talk himself out of it, he hit send. He couldn’t go all eternity without saying it. Cas had to know. He deserved to know.

* * *

Sam:

Sam parked the Impala next to the junker his brother hot-wired and used to drive to the restaurant. He would have left the Impala at the motel so that Dean could reclaim her when he got back, but Sam wasn’t sure _if_ Dean was coming back.

When he walked in he saw his brother standing in the middle of the room next to Death.

“What is this?” he asked as he approached them.

“We need to talk,” Dean said flatly.

“Whatever you are thinking of doing, don’t,” he said to his brother. “There is another way. You don’t need to go with him. You don’t need to die!” His voice cracked as he spoke.

“Funny you say that,” Dean said with a humorless smile that quickly faded into the most depressing look Sam had ever seen. His brother’s face seemed to be deprived of all life. Drained. “Truth is, when I left, I thought the only way out _was_ my death… We’ll I was wrong, Sam… It’s yours.”

Sam was confused. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I can’t die. Not even Death can kill me. But he can keep me from hurting anyone else. He can send me to another planet or something to keep me from killing again,” Dean explained.

“What?” Sam was still confused. “He’s gonna send you into outer space?”

“No, well, he didn’t say ‘outer space.’”

“This is madness, Dean!” Sam shouted. He’d never felt more angry or betrayed in his life.

“Far from it, I’m afraid,” said Death.

“No one’s asking you.”

“Hear him out!” Dean demanded. Sam couldn’t help by comply.

“Our conundrum is simple, Sam. Your brother cannot be killed and the Mark cannot be destroyed, not without inciting a far greater evil than any of us have known,” Death explained somberly.

“What evil?” Sam asked, losing patience.

“The Darkness,” Dean told him.

“What the hell is that?” Sam snipped.

Dean was short with him. “Well what does it sound like? Does it sound like a good thing?” he gruffed.

Death was quick to step in. “Even if I remove Dean from the playing field we’re still left with you. Loyal, dogged Sam, who I suspect will never rest until his brother is set free, will never rest until his brother is free of the Mark, which simply cannot happen lest the Darkness be set free,” he said making Sam finch. “Then there was that time you stood me up.”

Sam felt like crying. He walked over to his brother. “You traded my life,” he said, close to tears.

“I’m willing to live with this thing forever, as long as I know that I will never hurt you, Cas, or another living thing ever again.”

“This isn’t you,” Sam said. “This doesn’t make any sense.”

“No, it makes perfect sense if you stop thinking about yourself for one damn minute!” Dean shouted. His tone changed so abruptly that it made Sam jump.

“It’s for the greater good,” Death said. “Once you consider that, this makes all the sense in the world.”

* * *

Cas:

Cas felt his phone buzz as soon as Crowley arrived at the distillery. He’d have to check it later.

“Why the long faces?” the man asked. “Oh, let me guess. Mother showed you her ‘mustn’t touch it’ again?”

Cas was pretty sure the King of Hell had just attempted some sort of wildly inappropriate joke. Either that or he’d been spending too much time with Dean, who’s mind was constantly in the gutter. Either way, he was in no humor to dignify the demon’s comment with a response.

“Do you have the ingredients?” he asked, trying not to think of how Dean would have responded had he been here.

Crowley dropped a small bag on the table and Rowena reached over to pick it up. Cas placed his hand on her’s, stopping her. He gave her a look he hoped screamed ‘don’t fuck with me.’

“The Quince cost me a major IOU with a Palestinian warlock,” Crowley said as Cas opened the bag and handed the fossilized fruit to Rowena. “The gold from the Calf, well, let’s just say I’ll be hanged under certain sexual-deviancy laws if I ever show my face in Jordan again.”

Cas decided he didn’t want to know what Crowley was referring to.

“And the third?” Rowena asked.

“Ah yes,” Crowley said and Cas could tell he was about to get long winded. “All my long life, I wondered what I’d done to deserve a mother who refused to show love. I pained over it. I built my bloody kingdom on top of it. Then one day, epiphany struck. My mother was incapable of loving anything. For the first time in hundreds of years, I felt free. And then you showed up in my dungeon, we communed, and I began to realize you weren’t incapable of love… You’re incapable of loving me.”

“Goodness, Fergus, save it for the stage, why don’t you?” Rowena chided. “I mean, fabulous speech, but you put yourself on far too high a pedestal. The fact remains that I do not, will not, and have not loved anything ever.”

Crowley then snapped his fingers, and a man wearing a green apron walked in. His nametag read “Seth” but Rowena stared at him like she saw a ghost. But he didn’t appear to be an apparition. No, he was human. But something _was_ off about him. Cas could sense it.

“You were saying?” Crowley said in a smug voice.

* * *

Dean:

“Remember when we were in that church, making Crowley human, about to close the gates of Hell? Well you sure as hell were ready to die for the greater good then,” Dean reminded his brother.

“Yeah, and, Dean, you pulled me back,” Sam said.

“And I was wrong. You were right, Sam. You knew this world would be better without us in it,” Dean told him.

“No, no. Wait a second. You’re twisting my words here, Dean.”

“Why? Because we track evil and kill it? The family business? Is that it?” Dean asked him. “Look at the tape, Sam. Evil tracks us. And it nukes everything in our vicinity… our _family_ , our friends. It’s time we put a proper name to what we really are and deal with it.”

“Wait a second, we are not _evil._ Listen, we’re far from perfect, but we are _good_. That thing on your arm is evil, but not you and not me,” Sam said as Dean paced.

“I let Rudy die. I beat the shit out of Cas. How was that not evil?” His voice broke as he spoke. “I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A good end? A _just_ end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm and you’re willing to let the _Darkness_ into the world.”

“You were also willing to summon Death to make sure you could never do any more harm,” Sam said, still trying to convince him. “You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That’s not evil, Dean. That’s not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for some other way.”

“No, there is no other way, Sam. I’m sorry,” Dean said, thankful it was Sam he was having this conversation with instead of Cas. If it had been Cas, Dean would have gone with him the second he saw him. But he wasn’t sure Cas would even try to convince him he was good. Cas could probably see just how tainted his soul was just by looking at him.

Just then, Sam punched Dean in the face, breaking him away from his thoughts.

“Good,” Dean said. He deserved that. Finally, Sam was giving him what he deserved.

Sam punched him in the stomach and Dean punched him back, throwing him to the ground. The sadness he felt earlier replaced by the pure rage of the Mark. Dean punched him repeatedly until he cried for mercy.

“Ok, that’s enough,” he said as he covered his face protectively. He looked up at him and his face was covered in blood. “You will never _ever_ hear me say that you - the _real_ you - is anything but good.” He spat blood and turned back to Dean. “But you’re right. Before you hurt _anyone_ else, you have to be stopped at any cost. I understand.” Dean watched as his brother started crying, tears freely rolling down his face. “Do it,” he said, giving Dean permission.

Death walked over to Dean and handed him his scythe.

“Please, do me the honor,” he said as Dean took the weapon in his hand.

Dean turned back to Sam and saw that his brother was shaking.

“Close your eyes,” Dean told him. “Sammy, close your eyes.”

Sam hesitated. “Wait, take these.” he said and he pulled three pictures out of his jacket. “And one day, when you find your way back, let these be your guide. And they can help you remember what it was to be good… what it was to love.”

Sam placed the pictures in front of him and Dean looked down. Two of the pictures were of him and his mother. He kept those pictures in his room in the drawer of his nightstand. The other was of him and Cas. He realized that Sam must’ve taken the picture while they were watching Netflix. A tear rolled down his cheek as he looked at it. He and Cas were snuggled up together like it was the most comfortable thing in the world. Both men were looking away from the camera and laughing. Cas had his head thrown back in a rare moment of pure joy and Dean was looking up at him like there was no sight more beautiful in the entire world.

“It’s for these people you must proceed, Dean,” Death said to him. “To be what you are, to become what you’ve become, is a stain on her memory.”

He misinterpreted why Dean was crying. Dean missed his mother, it was true, but the love he felt for Cas was greater than anything he had ever experienced. “The Righteous Man” he had called him, all those years ago when he rescued him from Hell. Castiel, an angel, a being of pure light and energy, believed that Dean was good.

“Do it, or I will,” Death warned.

Dean looked at his baby brother. “Forgive me,” he said and Sam shut his eyes, another tear rolled down his cheek.

Dean quickly spun around and swung the scythe at Death, lodging it deep into his chest. His breath caught in his throat as Death turned to ash and crumpled into dust on the floor.

* * *

Cas:

“This is ridiculous,” Rowena said, turning away.

“Do you love this man, Rowena? Is it true?” Cas asked her.

“‘Course it’s true,” Crowley answered. “Say hello, Oskar.”

Oskar? The peasant boy? Cas looked at Rowena and she had tears in her eyes.

“Rowena,” Oskar said in a soft voice as if he too were at the brink of tears.

“Even for you, Fergus, this is a new low… A cruel, shameful, disgusting low,” Rowena cried, her chin quivering.

“It’s only cruel if you actually go through with it,” he said. “Though, who’s the cruel one then?”

Oskar approached Rowena and she took his hand.

“You’ve grown so big,” she said to him. “Not too big to give your old auntie Rowena a hug, I hope.”

“I hope I haven’t hurt you,” he said as he embraced her.

“Don’t think about that one moment,” Rowena said, her voice breaking as she spoke. “Everything’s fine, Oskar. Everything’s fine. Nobody’s hurting anybody,” she cooed.

Cas looked away to give them some privacy. Out of habit, he checked his phone. He had a missed call and a text from Dean. He quickly opened the text message. An unexpected tear ran down his cheek as he read the words “I love you.”

“Goodbye, my sweet wee boy,” Rowena cried as she stabbed Oskar in the neck with a fountain pen.

As she pulled the pen out, blood spouted from his neck. She made an anguished cry, grabbing him and pushing him down so that the blood poured into the metal bowl on the table that contained the other two ingredients, tears streaming down her faces as she did so. She began chanting as she added dean’s hair to the bowl. A bluish smoke rose out of the blood and a bright light illuminated her face. A blast-wave erupted from the bowl, knocking the three remaining people over, and a bolt of red lightning blasted up through the roof, creating a hole in the ceiling.

As Cas stood back up, the chains around Rowena’s wrists fell off.

“Manete!” she shouted, stopping him and Crowley in their tracks.

He struggled against the magic but couldn’t move.

“What is this?” he growled.

Rowena simply smiled and collected the Book of the Damned and the Codex in her arms.

“This is impossible,” Crowley grunted. “You’re not powerful enough.”

“To what? Control the legs of a bored king and a withered angel?” she asked her son. She then turned to Castiel. “Impetus bestiarum,” she said and Cas felt a force enter his body.

He tried to fight it but it was too much. He doubled over, trying to restrain the magic.

Rowena addressed her son again. “I’m afraid, Fergus, that in all your long life, you’ve never seen what a _real_ witch can do with _real_ magic.” She smiled. “I’m terrifically pleased it’s the last thing you’ll ever see.” She pointed to Cas and then to Crowley. “Dele malum hoc,” she chanted as she walked away.

Cas’s world went dark.

* * *

Dean:

Dean helped Sam up. “You ok?” he asked him.

“I’ll live,” he said. “You?”

“Fantastic,” Dean answered. “I think I just killed Death.”

Dean would have laughed if he hadn’t almost shit his pants.

“Let’s get out of here,” he suggested and went to grab his duffel bag.

As he was packing, he heard a strange, almost electronic, shrieking noise.

“That sound right to you?” he asked Sam.

As soon as he said it, a red bolt of lightning crashed through the roof and struck his forearm. He screamed in pain and his arm glowed red. He watched as the Mark faded from his skin with a burning sensation. Then, the burning left his arm and the lightning bolt shot out of his skin and back up through the ceiling. Panting, he looked down at his arm. The Mark was gone.

“Ok, that fucking hurt,” Dean said, still staring at his arm. “I guess that means they did it.”

“I never doubted for a second,” Sam said, helping Dean off the floor. “We’d better go congratulate them.”

Dean looked down. “Do you think he’ll ever forgive me, Sammy?” he asked.

“Of course, Dean,” Sam said. “He’s Cas. He’ll always forgive you.”

“Yeah, ok... Let’s go,” Dean said, slinging his duffel over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure if he believed Sam, but he was eager to see Cas nonetheless.

Dean held the door open for Sam as they made their way out onto the patio. It was already daytime, the brightness was encouraging but Dean still felt worried. The air felt too still. Something wasn’t right.

Sam seemed unaware of the bad vibes. “This is good. Dean, this is good. The Mark is off your arm. Nothing crazy happened. You get your baby back,” he said, handing him the keys to the Impala. He was downright giddy.

“Yeah, I’m sure everything’s perfectly fine,” Dean said sarcastically as he took the keys and stepped off the patio.

As his foot hit the dirt there was a loud crackling noise. Both brothers looked up at the sky. There red lightning was back.

“What the…?” Sam started to ask as the lightning struck the ground around them in a circle.

Then, it stopped.

“What did Death call this?” Sam asked.

“The Darkness,” Dean replied.

Suddenly, the ground started rumbling and columns of black smoke erupted from the spots where the red lightning struck. They slithered out of the ground like giant serpents and converged in a rolling cloud of ominous black smoke. The cloud hissed as it gained momentum and began heading towards the boys.

“Get in the car,” Dean commanded. “Let’s go, let’s go!”

They ran to the Impala, abandoning the car Dean drove to the restaurant. Dean put the car in reverse and backed up into a hole. The tires spun as he accelerated, trying to free Baby’s wheels from the murky water. Dean opened his door to examine the wheel but Sam put his hand on his shoulder.

“Dean!” he shouted and Dean closed the door.

He looked out the windshield and saw that the Darkness was about to engulf them. He used his last few seconds to send Cas a quick prayer.

 _Cas, I love you._ he prayed, and the cloud swallowed them whole.

End of chapter 18

* * *

This is basically the reverse of the looks they were giving each other in the picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But is Death really dead? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	19. I Loved You in the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First chapter of Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this season stresses me out. SPOILERS for season 11 ahead!

### Part II - I Loved You in the Darkness

### Chapter 19

Cas:

Cas heard Dean’s voice in his head. _“Cas, I love you,”_ he said in prayer. And Cas could see everything. The darkness faded. He saw himself approaching Crowley. He couldn't stop. He wanted to stop. His hands pulled the blade from his sleeve. _NO! STOP!_ his brain shouted as he stabbed the man. _No... I killed him. What had I done?_ he thought as he backed away from the now dead body lying on the floor. Sure, Cas didn't like Crowley, but he never intended it to end like that, doing Rowena's dirty work. Being a slave to her magic.

So he ran. He ran until he could no longer run. His limbs shook as he sought shelter in a nearby barn. The urge to kill was strong but he kept his mind on Dean. Dean loved him. Dean had called out to him, breaking the curse ever so slightly. Was this how Dean felt when he was under the influence of the Mark? Did they succeed in breaking the curse?

Castiel wanted to cry but found he had no tears. His eyes burned as he repeated the scene over and over in his head. _He had killed Crowley._ As the scene played out in his head, something felt, well, off. No, Crowley wasn’t dead. Cas was sure of it. The demon had abandoned his vessel before the knife struck. There was no characteristic glow associated with smiting supernatural beings. 

Cas was consumed by his thoughts when the boy entered the barn. The child pointed a shotgun at his face and Castiel fought the urge to destroy him.

“Don’t make me hurt you,” he told him. “Do you hear me? I can’t help myself! You have to run!”

He yanked the gun away and it fired into the ceiling. The boy gasped as Cas pushed him aside. The spell tingled, wanting him to harm the boy, wanting him to give into the red hot rage. But Castiel pressed on. He had to fight it.

Just then, two men with rifles approached him. Cas panicked, not sure what to do. He ran. He knew that if he stayed, he would kill them. They fired at him as he fled, but he didn’t look back. He was stronger than the curse.

He heard the sirens as he ran. He didn’t know if they were pursuing him or if they were after someone else. He heard the officers say something about Superior, Nebraska on the radio. Superior was about half an hour away. He breathed as sigh of relief. The police weren’t after him. Cas stopped in a small wooded area by the road. He needed help.

“Brothers, sisters…” he prayed. “I know I have no right… I have no standing to ask you anything, but these are desperate times, so ask I must. I confess my transgressions and will accept whatever punishment you dole out… I ask you to help me… please. Save me from doing worse.”

* * *

Dean:

“Cas, I love you,” Dean prayed as the shadows surrounded him.

He closed his eyes as the darkness swallowed the Impala. When he opened them he was standing in the middle of the cloud. He looked around, there was nothing but grayish-black smoke. And then, he saw _her_ , the woman in black. She had her slender back turned to him, long brown curls cascading down her shoulders.

“Hey! What the hell’s going on?!” he shouted.

She turned to face him, her dark eyes studied him intensely.

“Thank you,” she said to him.

She didn’t introduce herself but Dean knew. This was the Darkness.

“Well, now that you’ve said your thanks, let’s talk about what happens next,” Dean said, his eyes transfixed on her.

The woman smiled and Dean couldn’t help but be captivated by her. She was intoxicating.

“I like it here… With you. I haven’t felt this peaceful in a long, long time,” she breathed.

“Well, let’s get something straight. I’m not here to bring you peace. I know what you are,” Dean said softly.

He didn’t intend the words to come out so quietly. He wanted to yell, but he couldn’t. Her presence was captivating.

“Really? I’ve been gone so long, I didn’t think anyone remembered,” she smirked, impressed.

“Well, Death painted a hell of a picture,” Dean told her.

Again, he couldn’t help but stare at her. It felt as if he were under a trance.

“I don’t know this Death,” she calmly explained, a puzzled look on her face. “And he doesn’t know me.”

Dean pulled out his knife. His hands shook.

“So are you saying I shouldn’t try and kill you right now?” he asked, his voice less demanding than he would have liked.

“Am I saying that?” she questioned him, slowly approaching him as she spoke. “Or are you?”

Dean caught himself staring.

“If you’re as bad as they say you are, why haven’t you hurt me?” he inquired.

“For the same reason that you’ll never hurt me,” she said, pulling aside the collar of her dress to reveal the Mark of Cain on her collarbone. “We’re bound, Dean. We’ll always be bound. You helped me. I helped you. No matter where I am, who I am, we will always help each other.”

Dean found it hard to breathe. He hadn’t told her his name… He felt an overwhelming sensation course through his body as he looked into her eyes. His gaze fell upon her lips. He wondered what it would be like to kiss them. Then, she touched the side of his face and he closed his eyes.

* * *

“Hey!” he heard Sam shout.

Dean groaned as he woke up, his face was buried in grass. He got to his feet, looking around. _How the fuck did I get here?_ he wondered as his brother helped him up.

“You ok?” he asked him.

Dean blinked, trying to remember what happened. He rubbed his eyes. They burned slightly.

“Yeah. Where’s the car?” he asked.

“It… It’s about a mile that way,” Sam nodded in the direction he came.

“What?” Dean asked, confused.

“Seriously? The Darkness hit. You disappeared. You remember _none_ of this?”

Dean searched through his memories. Yes. He remembered. He remembered everything.

“She saved me,” he told his brother, barely believing it himself.

“What? Who?” Sam asked him.

“The Darkness,” he said flatly.

Dean recalled the effect she had on him. He didn’t like it. He started walking back to the restaurant parking lot, hoping to get as far away from the field as possible. Sam followed after him, shouting his name.

“Wait a second,” Sam called after him. “What do you mean, she _saved_ you?”

“You were there. When the storm hit, everything went dark,” he said, cringing at the memory.

“Yeah, but you just disappeared from the car,” Sam told him.

“I don’t even remember that,” Dean said blankly.

“Well, I don’t remember some woman pulling you out.”

“Well, what do you want me to say, ok? I was in the car, and then I wasn’t in the car. I was in the field and she was there.”

“And she told you she was the Darkness?” Sam asked.

“No, she was wearing a nametag. What do you think?” Dean asked sarcastically. “She thanked me.”

“For what?”

“Setting her free.”

“You didn’t set her free. I set her free,” Sam corrected.

“Does it matter? I mean, yeah, you said the spell but I had the Mark… So lock and key?” he shrugged.

“So, what, now she feels indebted to your or something?”

“I don’t know. She’s the Darkness. Does she feel anything?” Dean asked, uncomfortable.

She may not have felt anything, but he certainly did. Not that he wanted to… He guiltily thought of Cas. How could he do that to him?

“And that’s all she said? Thanks?” Sam asked, prying him for more information.

“Yeah, she was weird,” Dean lied. “But she had this _energy_ about her… this focus. But yeah, not a talker.

“So we know _jack_ ,” Sam sighed.

“Well, we know what she looks like and we know that she’s evil. The question is, what does _she_ know? I mean, she’s been locked away since the beginning of time. Does she even know what a cheeseburger is? All I know is that we set her free and we’re gonna put her back in, no matter what it takes.” Dean got in the Impala as he spoke, but then he remembered she was stuck in the mud. He looked at Sam, pissed off. “You were just gonna let me get in the car?”

Sam shrugged, mildly amused.

“You were on a roll,” he said.

Dean sighed.

“Well, at least help me get her out,” he replied as he went to the bumper to push.

With Sam’s help, they got Baby back on the road again. He was about to call Cas, make sure he was ok, but as soon as they pulled out onto the highway, they saw abandoned police cars blocking the road. Bodies and shotgun shells were littered everywhere.

“What the hell happened here?” Dean asked, observing the scene.

A man in an orange vest approached them. He was covered in dark veins and his eyes were unfocused. As he began to limp towards them, without warning, a deputy shot him in the back, startling the boys. After assessing that they weren’t a threat, she described the horrors that transpired before the brothers arrived. She was injured so Dean offered to stitch her up at the local hospital.

The hospital looked like a scene from a horror movie. Dean half expected to find “don’t open, dead inside” written on the doors. The brothers concluded that the smoke had somehow zombified everyone exposed to it. Sam split off to investigate while Dean took the deputy to a surgery room so he could suture her wound.

Half an hour later, Sam came back with a man and baby in tow. As the man introduced himself, Dean noticed the veins crawling up his neck. He was infected. Dean wanted to either put him out of his misery or kick him to the curb but Sam suggested they wait it out. The rabid had a shelf life, according to him. He had witnessed one keel over and die.

Before they could agree on a solution, the man told them he wanted to make a deal. He agreed to leave, but only if they made sure his newborn daughter was safe, and the only way they were going to do that was if they left town.

As they prepared to leave, Dean’s phone buzzed. Cas’s name lit up the screen.

“Cas, baby, where the hell are you?” Dean asked, his voice tinged with worry.

 _“I’m… I’m okay,”_ Cas grunted, his voice sounded strained.

“You don’t sound ok,” Dean pointed out.

He was unable to hide his panic as he paced the hospital room.

 _“Dean, I am fine,”_ Cas sighed. _“Besides, what I have, you can’t help me.”_

“What do you mean, what you _have_ ? Babe, is something wrong?” Dean asked with terror rising in his voice. _Not his angel… Not Cas._

_“Just please tell Sam… Rowena escaped with the Book of the Damned and the Codex.”_

“Ok, forget Rowena. Where are you?” he asked.

Cas ignored the question. " _Now, you tell me, the Mark…”_

“Really? You’re worried about _me_ after everything that I’ve-”

_“Dean, is it gone?”_

“Yeah, I’m good… I mean, I’m not _great…_ ” Dean answered honestly.

Sam approached with a concerned look on his face so Dean put the phone on speaker. Cas was his family too.

 _“That makes two of us… But this is good news,”_ he said.

“Hey, Cas,” Sam greeted him.

 _“Sam…”_ Cas sounded pleased to hear his voice.

“Ok, your turn. Talk to us about the Darkness,” Dean said.

 _“Why would I talk about the Darkness?”_ Cas growled.

“Because it’s free,” Sam answered.

_“No, that can’t be.”_

“Removing the Mark opened some kind of lock. Dean saw her.”

_“The Darkness is a woman?”_

“Well, that’s what we’re asking you. We were hoping you could tell us just what level of screwed we are,” Dean said, afraid of the answer. There was a pause and some rustling from the speakers. “Cas?”

 _“Dean, it may be some time before we see one another again… I love you,”_ he said, hanging up the phone.

“Wait! Cas? Cas!” Dean shouted, but it was too late. He was gone.

“FBI, my ass,” Jenna, the deputy, said from the other side of the room. She chuckled lightly, not too upset that the hunters weren't who they claimed to be.

Ten minutes later they were making their way through the hospital lobby. They couldn’t save Cas or the baby if they were stuck in the hospital, Dean reminded himself as Sam split off to make a diversion. Saving people, hunting things, that’s what they did. He had to trust his brother would be ok as he and Jenna made their way to his car in the parking lot. As they approached the hospital doors, Mike, the baby’s father, stopped them in their tracks. He didn’t hurt them. Instead he told them the baby’s name and died, as if that was his final task. Her name was Amara.

* * *

Cas:

Cas heard them approaching him from behind.

“Dean, it may be some time before we see one another again… I love you,” he said as he hung up the phone.

He turned around and saw his brothers with their blades drawn. Clearly, they had not forgave him of his transgressions. Maybe he wouldn’t be seeing Dean again, after all.

The angels lead him to an abandoned warehouse, his hands bound in enochian handcuffs.

“After Metatron escaped, we moved the door to Heaven,” his brother explained.

“Yes, smart,” Cas agreed.

“You know, to prevent further _incidents_ ,” he said, eyeing Castiel closely.

“Of course, I would have done the same thing,” Cas concluded. “Before we go back, we need to find a witch or someone who knows spellcraft to remove the-”

The angel hung Cas’s chains from a hook on the ceiling. They weren’t here to help him.

“I don’t understand. You’re not taking me to Heaven?” he asked them.

“No, we’re not,” the angel said as he covered Cas’s head with a hood.

Everything went dark as he struggled against the restraints. He had to get out. He had to see Dean again.

End of chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes this was hard to write. All I want is a happy ending, but that'll have to wait ;)


	20. Void of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can love break a curse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, not an easy chapter to write now that Amara is an element. But things get better, I promise. Dean and Cas have overcome overwhelming odds before. Because of true love and shit.
> 
> In this chapter, Dean pokes fun at Catholicism. Again, this is not meant to offend. It is simply based on stuff he's said on the show in previous seasons so I think it's pretty character compliant.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

###  **Chapter 20**

Dean:

Back in the Impala, Dean's thoughts were on what had happened earlier that day. Dean had driven with Jenna to her grandmother’s. Baby Amara would be safe there. He hadn't met the woman but he knew she was alright, maybe a little eccentric, but all right. She was a real Catholic type, statue of Mary in the garden and everything. But, churchiness aside, Dean knew she was going to a good home. He sure hoped the little bean would be ok. Maybe it was because he saved her from the Rabid, but felt some sort of… connection with the infant.

The further he drove the less he thought of Amara until his thoughts were exclusively on Cas. Maybe he could still remedy things with his angel. He didn’t sound angry on the phone, just concerned. And it wasn’t totally unlike Cas to be vague about what he was doing, even with Dean. They probably had to have _that_ talk when he got back from wherever he was. The annoying “relationship discussion” that Dean often dreaded. But, he and Cas needed to communicate shit with each other. Maybe Charlie wouldn’t have died if Cas had just told him what Sam was up to. Not that Dean blamed him. Sammy still deserved the blame for that one.

He dug his phone out of his pocket and hit Cas’s name like he’d done a million times before. After six rings he was getting impatient.

 _Come on Cas!_ he thought, getting worried.

He thought back to the last conversation they shared. He had told him that it might be some time before they see each other again, and then told him he loved him. He didn’t have much time to think about it all, what with fucking zombies on his ass. But now, as he drove down a rain-slicked road, it was all he could think about. Cas was in trouble. Why else would he have said that? He had to find him.

* * *

Cas:

Cas’s phone buzzed on the workbench. He couldn’t see it but he could hear it. He knew it was Dean before the angels, Efram and Jonah, confirmed it.

“Hmm, Dean,” Efram said, sounding amused.

“As in Winchester?” Jonah asked.

“Probably,” the angel said as Cas heard a crunching noise. “Do the honors.”

Cas felt the hood lift off his head and a hand slap his face.

“Morning, handsome,” a voice said and for a second Cas thought it was Dean.

But then his vision came into focus. No, not Dean.

“Efram… Jonah… What’s… What’s happening?” Cas whispered.

His head hurt more than that time he drank an entire store’s worth of alcohol.

“We have questions for you, Castiel,” Jonah said.

“Why am I…?” Cas asked as he struggled against the restraints. He didn’t understand. “I asked for help.”

“And I asked for a vessel that didn’t have psoriasis. Shit happens.”

“No,” Cas grunted, feeling the murderous rage inside him build.

“No what?”

“No,” Cas growled again. He could no longer hold back. “You don’t understand. I’m cursed. You should run.”

“Nice try,” Efram said as he pulled out his blade and sliced it into Cas’s flesh while he screamed. “Where’s Metatron?”

“I don’t know,” Cas panted.

The angel cut a line down his cheek, a blue film of grace trickled out.

“Where’s Metatron, Castiel?” he asked again.

“Mercy, brother, please!” Cas gasped.

“Brother? Ha! What are you?” the angel asked.

“W-what?” Cas was confused. “I’m an angel of the Lord.”

“That so? ‘Cause near as I can tell, when you have to choose between Heaven and the Winchesters… You choose _them_. Every time. So, see, you’re not my brother. And if I had it my way, I’d take this blade, stick it in your heart, and call that a damn good day,” he said as his blade tore into his skin.

“Then do it!” Cas growled.

“Nah. The fun’s just getting started,” the angel said as he began cutting into him again.  


* * *

Dean:

Dean’s phone rang again. Not Cas.

“Ghostbusters,” he answered, mildly amused with himself.

_“Dean, it’s Jenna.”_

“Jenna! Hey!”

_“Dean, it’s Amara. Grandma went into her room and… and…”_

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. Whats wrong?”

_“Dean, I know you’re some sort of X-Files shit… We.. we need your help. Amara is, possessed, or something. I can’t explain it. She’s like, moving stuff with her mind and shit. Wailing up a storm. And she… it’s like she’s trying to communicate with us… I’m scared, Dean.”_

“Okay. Hold on. I’m on my way,” Dean said, making a U-turn. Cas would have to wait.

Dean dialed Sam’s number. Hopefully, he’d have more luck with his brother. He’d just talked to him about an hour ago, right before he got to Jenna’s grandma’s, just to make sure he was still among the living. He _had_ used him as bait, after all.

_“Dean? Did everything go ok with the baby?”_

“Hey! Sam, I need your help. Uh, Jenna took baby Amara back to her grandma’s, like I said, and after I left strange shit started happening. Apparently she’s screaming and moving shit with her mind.”

_“I mean, it sounds like something out of The Exorcist. So you thinking demon?”_

“Or kid got infected by something. Who knows what was in that giant crazy fart?” he said. _Stupid Darkness._

_“Wow. Vivid. Thanks.”_

“Look, man, I know you're flying solo right now, but with Cas and now this…”

_“No, I'm… I'm fine, Dean. Look, don't… don't worry about me. Just do what you gotta do. And if you need anything, then call me.”_

"Will do. How you doing? How's Zombieland?”

_“It's good. It's great.”_

“Yeah, somehow, I don’t believe _that_ ,” Dean scoffed.

_“No, really. I’m handling things without you, believe it or not.”_

“Yeah ok,” Dean sighed. “Guess I gotta let my baby bro grow up and be his own man every once in a while… See ya, Sammy.”

 _“Thanks,”_ Sam laughed. _“Bye, Dean.”_

Dean hung up and kept driving. He needed to make sure Jenna and Amara were ok.

* * *

Cas:

“Again, Metatron, where is he?” Efram asked once Jonah had stopped cutting him.

It seemed like they had been at this for hours. He’d lost all track of time since the curse took hold. Every minute seemed to drag on, agonizingly, for days.

“I don’t know,” Cas repeated.

“But you broke him out of Heaven… And took his Grace.”

“Yes,” Cas answered.

“And you expect us to believe, he, what, just gave you the slip with no powers? No wings?”

“Metatron tricked me,” Cas tried to explain.

“So you’re just stupid? Or you’re lying.”

“One way to find out,” Jonah said.

“What should we cut out first?” Efram asked, pointing his blade at his groin.

Before he could slice off Cas’s manhood, the angel Hannah burst through the door.

“That’s enough,” she said in her vessel’s voice.

Castiel didn’t recognize her at first, as she was still in the body of the male guard from the sandbox gate, but then it hit him.

“Hannah,” he gasped with realization.

“What are you doing?” she asked her brethren.

“Getting answers,” Efram replied.

“No,” she said, approaching them. “This isn’t how we do things. Get out. Now!”

The other two angels quickly left and Hannah turned to face Castiel.

“Thank you,” he said to her.

“Don’t thank me yet. Something’s happened, Castiel… Something horrible,” she told him.

 _The Darkness?_ Cas wondered. Had they really released it? Had Dean really talked to it? And was “it” really a “she?”

* * *

Dean:

When Dean arrived back at Jenna’s grandmother’s, she was waiting for him on the porch. She told him that her crazy Catholic grandma had called an exorcist. _Fun._

Dean walked inside. The first thing he noticed - well, after all the shitload of inappropriately inaccurate angel decorations - was motherfucking Crowley sipping tea.

“Hello my son,” he said in a smug voice.

He was wearing a fucking clergy outfit. The asshole was posing as the exorcist, no doubt.

“Crowley?” Dean asked, his voice cautious.

No way did he want the King of Hell anywhere _near_ Amara, possessed or not.

 _“ Father Crowley,”_ the demon corrected.

 “Do you know each other?” Jenna asked, looking between them.

“Oh, yes,” Crowley said, taking a sip of his tea. “Dean was a rather scrumptious young altar boy," he said, making Jenna's grandmother choke on her tea.

Dean smirked. Crowley flirted with everyone, especially with Dean. He couldn’t count all the times he turned down his advances when he was a demon. Even as a Prince of Hell, he’d had standards. Apparently.

“Can I talk to you outside… Father?” Dean asked him.

“Of course,” the demon said. “After I finished my tea.”

He then proceeded to stir sugar into the beverage. God, Dean was so done with his specific brand of snarky bullshit.

When the man had finished his tea, Dean grabbed him roughly by the elbow and ushered him outside.

“Really? _Father_ Crowley? Really?” Dean asked, both angry and amused.

“I’m sorry, _aging-pathetic-hasbeen-rock-star_ , did I offend your delicate sensibilities?” Crowley asked and Dean chuckled. “Where are you brother and your _idiot_ angel, do you know what they’ve been doing?”

“I’ve heard.”

“Everything?”

“Enough,” Dean explained. “What are you doing here?”

“Same as you. I’m working the case,” the demon explained. “I have sources in the Catholic church. Nuns that owe me a favor, priests with a taste for-”

“Ok, all right,” Dean said, cutting him off. “Yeah, I can imagine.” He rolled his eyes.

“No, you really can’t... Anyhow, they hear of a demonic possession, they call me. If it’s one of mine, I tell them to ignore it. If it’s - say a demon gone rogue - well, that’s when Father Crowley comes out to play.”

“So you think there’s a demon in there?”

“Not even a little bit.” The King of Hell said. “Whatever's in that house, I can taste the power radiating from it. That thing . . . It's old . . . dark...”

Dean heard a scream come from the house followed by the sound of broken glass.

* * *

Cas:

Hannah unhooked Cas from the ceiling and put her hand on his wrist, but Cas drew back. He needed the handcuffs on. For her protection.

“No. This is safer,” he told her.  

He swayed a bit and she helped lower him into a chair, for which Cas was thankful.

“I wasn’t lying about Metatron,” he explained to her.

“I know. But right now, I’m more worried about you,” she said as she crouched down to examine him.

“Can you heal me?” he asked her.

She put her fingers on his sweaty forehead and frowned.

“I can’t. I’m sorry, This is _powerful_ magic,” she told him.

“I feel the spell just cutting deeper and deeper, and I’m trying to fight it. I’m trying, but-”

“Does it have anything to do with the disturbance in Superior, Nebraska?” Hannah asked.

“You know about that?”

“Alarms have been sounding in Heaven, Castiel. Alarms that haven’t gone off in… ever. We don’t even know what they mean,” she told him.

Cas understood. “Those alarms are for the Darkness.”

“The Darkness is just a story,” she reassured him.

“No, it’s not. It’s real. The Darkness… it’s been locked away since the dawn of creation. And now it’s free.”

“God help us.”

“I wouldn’t count on that,” Cas told her.

No, Cas was sure that if God didn’t make an appearance for the apocalypse, he certainly wasn’t going to make one now.

“Where is it?” Hannah asked him.

“I don’t know,” Cas admitted.

“Then who would? The Winchesters? Your Dean? Castiel, if this is true, it’s the end of all of us. Dean and Sam… where are they?”

“I don’t know,” Cas reiterated.

The last he heard, they were in Superior. He was unsure where the pair was now.

“Then think harder!” Hannah shouted.

Cas was taken aback. This was not like Hannah.

“How did you find me?” he asked her.

“I saved you,” Hannah said, putting her hand on his leg, causing Cas to flinch.

“No. I don’t think you did. I think that you told Efram and Jonah to bring me here and to hurt me, and so you arranged to . . . to burst in and save me. You were hoping that I would be so grateful that I would do anything you said, that I would tell you anything that you wanted to know. Why, Hannah? We were friends.”

“That was before you freed Metatron… Before Dean Winchester and you-” She paused, cutting herself off. “The other angels, they hate you.”

“And what about you? Do you hate me?”

Efram and Jonah entered the room again, as if they’d been listening in the entire goddamn time.

“It doesn’t matter,” Came Efram’s voice. “We took a vote, democracy in action, and… Hannah’s doing the job.”

_No, not Hannah. How could she?_

“I won’t give you Dean and Sam!” Cas shouted.

“Sure you will. We’re gonna hack your brain,” said Jonah, holding up the brain torture device Naomi once used on him.

Hannah stood aside as they placed it on his head. He thrashed and struggled but it was no use. As they began sliding the pegs into his skull, he screamed. _No, not again!_ he thought as he began having flashbacks of his time with Naomi. Of her “training.” He remembered killing thousands of Deans. The first few had hurt like he’d actually done it, but slowly he was able to tell himself it wasn’t real. The Dean copies were good, almost identical in look and personality, but Naomi had missed subtle details that Cas could not overlook. Cas knew the location of every constellation of freckles, he often traced them while Dean slept. He knew how Dean smelt. His musk was soft and warm with a hint of leather and whiskey. Most of all, he could feel the unique vibration of Dean’s soul, and that could not be replicated. Naomi made the mistake of assuming Cas had fallen in love with the man, where in fact he had fallen in love with the very essence of his being. Even back then, even when he never thought their relationship would become what it was today, Cas knew that Dean was so much more than he appeared. And that he deserved to be loved.

He _had_ to get back to that love. The humans often said God is love, but Cas had never seen God. He had no love for him. No, for Cas, _Dean_ was love. Dean was his entire universe. Everything he did, he did for _him_ , even if Dean couldn’t see it. Dean was his rock, his salvation. He had fallen for Dean in every way possible and he’d be damned if he let the family that rejected him tamper with his brain to find him.

He grunted and concentrated as hard as he could. Maybe it was the curse, or maybe it was the sheer power of love, but the peg slowly began to push back out. He was still handcuffed but he broke the chair he was chained to and rushed at Efram, tackling him. Jonah lunged at him with his blade and Cas caught the hilt between the chains on his hands and plunged it into his brother.

“Castiel,” Hannah said from behind him.

He turned around as Efram got to his feet and put his blade through her mouth. Her body lit up in a blaze of blue light, and she was gone. _No!_

He knocked the angel back and began to choke him with his chains, but the angel pushed him backwards and began to lunge at him with his blade. As he punched him, Cas caught both blades between his chains and sunk them deep into the other angel.

When it was over he looked down at Hannah’s dead body.

“No! No!” he cried and sat back down in the chair.

_Not Hannah._

* * *

Dean:

He and Crowley ran to the kitchen and found Jenna’s grandmother lying dead on the floor.

“Well, hello, plot twist,” Crowley said in amusement.

Dean ran upstairs and Crowley was forced to follow.

“Jen! Jenna!” he shouted.

“Really?” Crowley scolded. “We have no idea what ancient world-shattering evil we’re dealing with, but go right ahead. Let them know we’re coming!”

“Listen, Velma, this isn’t the Scooby gang ok? So either shut up or get out,” Dean grunted gruffly.

“Easy, tiger. Just trying to help. Besides, I’m way more of a Daphne.”

Before Dean could say anything to the demon, he heard Amara cry from one of the bedrooms. He couldn’t help himself, he walked there as if in a trance. She quieted as soon as she saw him. On a hunch, Dean pulled back her onesie to reveal a tiny Mark of Cain on her upper chest near her shoulder. _No fucking way..._

“The child likes you,” Crowley observed. “No surprise, really. You’re very maternal.”

“We gotta find Jenna.”

Dean left the nursery and began walking down the hall to a closed bedroom. There was a crash, the sound of glass breaking against the floor, coming from inside the room.

“Draaamaaa,” Crowley sing-songed, clearly more amused with the situation than Dean.

He slowly opened the door. Inside, Jenna was breaking more of the godawful angel figurines.

“Jenna? What are you doing?” he asked her.

“My grandma collected these things, but I always thought they were so… Blah... Don’t worry. She won’t care. I cut her throat,” Jenna said flatly.

“Why did you do that?” Dean asked her.

“Because this woman doesn’t have a soul,” Crowley answered for her.

“What are you talking about? How is that even possible?” Dean asked him.

“Amara’s hungry. She’s a growing girl,” Jenna answered from the other side of the room, angel figurine in her hand.

“Jenna. Listen to me. Whatever’s happened, whatever’s going on, we can fix it, ok?” Dean pleaded.

“But I don’t want to be fixed. I like the new me. She’s a ball.”

Dean saw her pull out a knife and he approached her, slowly, his hand gripped on his own knife at his hip.

“Just come with us, ok?” he begged her.

But then, she lunged at him, flailing at him with her knife. Dean tried to restrain her but he didn’t want to hurt her. As she was about to stab him, she flung to the ceiling and fell on the floor. Her body was still, dead. _Crowley._ he thought as he turned and looked at the demon.

“I was getting bored,” he explained.

Dean looked back down at the dead girl. They had been through so much in the past twenty four hours.

“You killed her!” he shouted.

The demon shrugged. “You’re welcome,” he said as he walked away.

“Where are you going?” Dean shouted back at him.

The King of Hell turned around with a mischievous look on his face. “To see the child that eats souls,” he told him.

“You don’t get what that thing is,” Dean tried to explain.

“Enlighten me. Come on, darling. Don’t play coy,” the demon almost-flirted.

Dean looked away. How was he going to explain this.

“I think Amara is the Darkness,” he told him, looking him square in the eye.

“Interesting,” the demon replied. “So what now? You kill her? _You?"_

“I don’t have a choice,” Dean said flatly.

“Please. Even if you could murder a baby, you couldn’t murder _that_ baby. I saw the way you looked at her. Me, on the other hand, it’s not like it’d be my first,” he said.

“Oh, is that an offer?” Dean grunted.

“It’s a promise… right after I’m done with her,” the demon said.

“Stay away from her!” Dean shouted, unsure what had come over him.

Was it because the Darkness was posing as a baby, and Dean saw her as an innocent? Or was it something _more_ _?_ Had she been right when she said that Dean could never kill her? That they shared some sort of bond? Dean didn’t like the idea of sharing a “bond” with anyone other than Cas.

Dean lunged at the demon to stop him, it was as if his feet acted on their own. The King of Hell barely twitched his hands and Dean went flying into the closest, breaking it’s wooden shutter doors.

“Oh, Dean. Adorable little Dean. I want that child, and I get what I want. You and Sam don’t understand. I’m not your bloody sidekick!” he shouted as Dean picked himself back up, gripping his blade. “We’ve had some good times…” the demon admitted. He was monologuing. Good. Maybe Dean could get the jump on him. “So, I’m gonna give you one chance, just one, to walk out that door or I’m gonna take you apart atom by atom. Do you understa-”

Dean sprung up and stuck him in the hand with one of the angel blades Cas had given him, pinning him to the wall. He pulled out his silver blade and left the King of Hell where he was. He might prove useful again one day. And besides, whoever was heir to the throne after Crowley might be an even bigger pain in the ass.

Dean made his way back to the nursery, only to find that Amara/The Darkness was gone. He quickly ran back to the bedroom where he’d left Crowley. He was gone too. He sighed and retrieved the angel blade. There was nothing more he could do. Not without Cas and Sam.

* * *

He drove back to Superior and retrieved Sam. As the brothers made their way back to the bunker, he explained everything to him. Who Amara really was, what Crowley had done, Jenna’s death, all of it.

Back at the bunker, Sam still sounded confused. Apparently a forty five minute drive was not enough time to for him to wrap his head around the craziness. Hell, Dean wasn’t sure he understood it himself.

“All right, I still don’t understand. I mean, I thought the darkness was a woman, not a child,” Sam stated.

“Well, same here. I don’t know. Maybe whatever I saw wasn’t real. Maybe it was a vision,” Dean admitted, although he could have sworn it was real.

“A vision?” Sam asked. He sounded concerned.

Dean walked to the library and saw the destruction left over from his fight with Cas. The sight just about deflated him. His answer to Sam’s question came out as a small deflated “yeah.”

“Huh. Pretty weird,” Sam admitted. He still hadn’t seen the gasoline soaked pile of books.

“Yeah, weird with a weird cherry on top,” he said as Sam approached. His brother’s eyes went wide at the sight of the distress in the library. “We gotta get a maid... Maybe you could dress up in one of those skimpy uniforms, you know the ones you can find at those shitty Halloween stores? Now that shit’d be hilarious,” Dean chuckled, picturing his overgrown brother in the costume.

Dean barely let out his chuckle when they heard rustling from inside the library. Both men pulled out their guns, ready for whatever might jump out at them. They slowly did a sweep of the library, searching for the source of the sound. Behind the pile of books, they found an extremely beaten up Castiel.

“Help me,” he begged in a squeaky voice.

“Cas!” Dean shouted, crouching down and pulling the angel up into a hug. “Oh my god, baby! What happened?”

“Dean…” Cas said weakly, slouching into him. He looked like he was going to pass out.

“Cas! Cas, baby, stay with me!” Dean said, clutching his face.

That’s when he saw it. The angel’s beautiful blue eyes were splotched with yellow and red.

“Dean…” the angel said, clutching to him. “Dean, I can’t hold it off much longer. Rowena cursed me. I-I’ve hurt people… Please, keep me restrained.”

He held up his hands and only then did Dean notice they were handcuffed.

“Yeah, ok,” Dean said, trying not to panic. “Whatever it is, we’ll find a cure.”

“Thank you,” the angel said, slouching up against him again. Dean kissed him on the top of the head, pulling him closer. “My love for you keeps it sated, but I’d feel better if you didn’t release me from my bounds just yet.”

Dean could have cried. Love kept the curse at bay. It was so ridiculously Disney.

“I love you too,” Dean said, pulling him into a kiss.

Cursed or not, Dean would rather have him. Every time.

End of chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'd rather have you, cursed or not."


	21. Bad Boy

### Chapter 21

Dean must’ve zonked out for a second, he hadn’t slept in about forty eight hours. He woke up to the sound of his brother shouting his name. Apparently he’d fallen asleep mid conversation.

“Huh? What? Yeah…” Dean said, exhausted. His eyes drooped as he tried to focus on the computer screen in front of him.

“You ok?” his brother asked, his forehead scrunching up with concern. “You know we can go to bed if you need to. I mean, I’m pretty tired myself.”

“No. No, I’m fine,” Dean said rubbing his face.

How could he sleep knowing that Cas was cursed and that Amara-the-fucking-Darkness-baby was out there with Crowley, or worse, on her own?

“Well, I was just saying that we’ve got nothing. No one saw anything unusual going on at the house the day the baby disappeared,” Sam said, gesturing at his laptop screen.

He and Sam were in the library, attempting to research despite how tired they both were. Cas was at the table next to Dean, covered in a blanket. If he wasn’t cursed, Dean might have said he looked downright adorable.

“If this truly is the Darkness we’re talking about, it’s more of a time bomb than a baby,” Cas said, his voice sounding strained.

“Yeah, but it is still a baby, right? I mean, the Darkness I saw was an adult. So it still has to, uh, grow up, right?” Dean asked, rather unsure of himself.

“The Darkness is almost infinite power,” Cas clarified, looking at Dean with hard eyes. “I’m not sure what ‘growing up’ means in this case.”

“Well, God kicked this thing’s ass once before, right?” Sam asked, his eyes hopeful.

“Yeah, it’d be nice if he put down the Mai Tai and showed up for work every once in a while,” Dean sighed, getting up and walking to the mini fridge he'd put in the library after they'd cleaned up the wreckage he and the Stynes had caused.

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Cas said, standing up. “I believe he made a fairly definitive statement when he walked away.”

Dean grabbed two beers out of the fridge as Cas attempted to move to join him, but he was stopped by the chains that held him to the ground. He looked down at them and rolled his eyes, like he had forgotten they were there. Honestly, Dean had too. It fucking sucked that they had to restrain him like some sort of rabid animal or something.

“Sorry about those, babe,” Dean sighed and grabbed a beer for him too. “Till we know what’s going on with you, you’re still a bit of a wild card, you know?”

He tossed a beer to his brother and walked over to hand Cas his. As he did, he let their fingers graze, before he sat down and cracked open his own beer.

“I hate to point this out,” Sam sighed. “But you both know who we might need to help in order to deal with the Darkness.”

“Don’t even say it,” Dean said, pointing his finger at his brother. No, they didn't need any help from  _him._ Not after what he did.

“He _was_ God’s scribe,” Sam continued.

“That’s just like saying it!” Dean objected. They were not, under any circumstances, gonna call on the male version of Professor Umbridge for help.

Before he could argue further, Cas made a horrible grunting noise, as if he was in pain.

“Cas, babe, are you alright?” Dean asked, getting up and rubbing his arm.

“It’s the spell,” Cas grunted.

"We were hoping your angel wiring would fight it off… or at least slow it down,” Dean sighed, rubbing his back.

“It appears I simply respond differently from humans,” Cas wheezed as if he were having trouble breathing.

Dean still didn’t understand how angel physiology worked. He knew very little of the vessel/angel symbiotics. Cas obviously _felt_ things, both physically and emotionally, but he didn’t need to eat, sleep, shower, or even _breathe_ , right? Unless, his power was weakened, that is.

“If you were human, you’d be gone already. With you, it’s like it’s digging deeper,” Dean said, putting his hand on the side of his face. He felt warm.

“You know, Rowena’s the only one who can remove it,” Sam told him.

“We’re doing everything to find her, ok? But so far, we’ve got nothing,” Dean said with exasperation.

Cas began wheezing again, each breath sounded painful. He was getting worse.

“Cas, baby, we’ll find her. Don’t worry,” Dean told him.

He kissed his temple and Cas closed his eyes. Dean couldn’t lose him now. Not after he’d just gotten him back.

“Dean, you’ve been up for nearly two days. You should get some rest,” Cas grunted. He tried to smile but his face quickly turned to a grimace and he closed his eyes. He was obviously having a hard time fighting whatever was going on inside of him.

“He’s right, Dean. We both need sleep if we’re gonna be any help to him,” Sam said with a frown.

Dean shook his head. No, he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t leave Cas alone for a second. What if he was _gone_ by the time he woke up? He couldn’t risk that.

“Maybe we can sleep in shifts?” Sam recommended. “You can sleep right on the couch in the other room and I’ll wake you up if _anything_ happens, deal?”

Dean agreed, begrudgingly. He kissed Cas on the cheek and walked to the other room. Sam was right, of course. He _was_ tired. He fell asleep almost immediately after his head hit the cushion.

Sam woke him up four hours later. After reassuring him Cas was fine, they switched places, Sam taking his place on the couch. Dean went back into the library and saw that Cas was asleep in his chair. He looked so sickly, Dean almost cried. He wondered if this was how Cas had felt when Dean had the Mark, always wondering if the person he loved was going to be alright. Dean looked down at his arm, how could that have been less than three days ago? It felt like a lifetime.

Dean went into the war room and attempted to call Crowley. When he didn’t answer, he went back into the library and cracked open another beer. As soon as he took a sip, it turned sour in his mouth. He put the beer down and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. _Why won't stupid Crowley answer his stupid phone?_

Four hours later, he woke Sam up. Cas’s condition seemed to be stable. This was reassuring, but Dean knew it wouldn’t last. He tried calling Crowley for the umpteenth time.

“Come on, Crowley, pick up. I’ve left you a dozen fucking messages,” he sighed as he hung up. He slammed his hand on the table, jolting Cas awake. “Why isn’t he answering his _goddamn_ phone?”

“Because he’s a dick, and that’s not breaking news,” Sam replied.

“He’s gotta have Rowena in his sights, right? I mean, she _did_ try to take him out,” Dean stated.

“He’s not gonna deliver Rowena to us just so he can lift the spell,” Cas said from his chair. “He’d rather let it do whatever it’s gonna do to me.”

“Cas, I didn’t mean to wake you... Go back to sleep,” he said, putting his hand on his shoulder. Dean sighed, he needed to calm down. He was being _way_ to loud.

“Metatron is also off the grid,” Sam sighed and closed his laptop.

Dean looked down at Cas and tousled his sweat soaked hair. “Don’t worry, baby, we’ll find them,” he told him. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”

“You know what?” Sam said, reopening his laptop. “I’ll look for unusual occurrences at places he might hang out. Any ideas, Cas?”

But Cas had closed his eyes again. As much as Dean really wanted to let him rest, they needed his help on this one. He sighed and gently shook him awake.

“Cas, do you know any places Metatron might hang out?” he asked him.

Cas’s eyes glazed over as he spoke. “Um… he loves waffles? You could try places that have those,” he said and then nodded off again.

“Great, so, basically every restaurant in the entire county,” Dean angry-whispered.

Before either brother could do anything, Cas began to groan. Dean turned back to him and caught him right before he fell out of his chair. It was like he was having a seizure. Dean gripped him tight and called out his name. He didn’t know what to do.

When Cas finally stopped shaking he opened his eyes and looked up at Dean. He reached out his hands to cup Dean’s cheek, maybe assessing if he was really there. Dean took his hands in his own, cursing that they still had him handcuffed to the floor.

“Cas? Hey, are you ok?” he asked him.

“Relative to what?” Cas groaned.

“Do you know where you are? What’s the date?” Dean asked him, trying not to roll his eyes.

“Earth. Several billion years from the beginning,” Cas answered.

This time, Dean _did_ roll his eyes. Well, at least he was accurate. Dean helped him to a sitting position but still kept his arms around him.

“It’s like I was… inside a blender that was set to puree for a tomato salsa,” Cas continued.

“And you’re the tomato?” Dean asked him. He’d find it funny if his boyfriend hadn’t had a fucking  _seizure_.

“In this analogy, yes.”

“Well, for a tomato you certainly scared the shit out of me,” Dean told him as he kissed his forehead.

He and Sam helped Cas back into his chair. Once he was sure he was not going to fall down again, he turned back to Sam.

“We gotta find that witch,” he said to him.

“What can I do to help?” Cas asked them.

“No, babe, you’re only job is to sit there and get better, ok?” Dean told him as he put the blanket back around his shoulders.

“Okay. I’ll do my best. It’s… It’s just difficult with these voices,” he grunted and put his hands to his temples.

“Now there are voices?” Dean asked. “Are these voices telling you to hurt someone?”

Dean began rubbing his back. He looked over at Sam’s shocked face and knew his brother was just as concerned as he was.

“No. Guys, I’m- I’m hearing angel radio,” he explained to Dean’s relief. “It’s a lot of chatter. They’re… They’ve been looking for me ever since I escaped, as well as scouring the earth for the perp. It’s slang for ‘perpetrator.’”

“Yeah, thank you. Um, any ‘perp’ in particular?” Dean asked. God, his boyfriend could be frustratingly obtuse at times.

“Metatron. They’re doubling the effort to find him, so if we need to get hold of him, we better do it soon,” Cas explained.

“Yeah, before the God squad does... All right, well, first thing’s first,” Dean said turning back to Sam.

As it turns out, Sam _did_ find something. A Denver news article described three women who were at this Cafe Elta. Their waiter, for no apparent reason, stabbed and killed one of them. One survived and the third appeared to vanish into thin air after a bunch of furniture apparently slid around by itself. Oh, this _definitely_ screamed Rowena.

* * *

After saying goodbye to Cas and giving him explicit instructions to call them if he needed anything, Dean and Sam left in Baby. It was a six hour trip and Dean was uneasy about leaving Cas alone in his condition, but they needed to find Rowena. He didn’t want to even think about what would happen if they didn’t.

They returned eighteen hours later with Rowena in toe, this time, they’d taken turns driving so both boys could get about three hours of shut eye. Dean knew it was far short of the eight recommended daily, but he was used to not ever getting more than four or five hours at a time.

When they got back to the bunker they immediately brought Rowena down to the dungeon and chained her up. As he was rifling through her bags, he found the Codex but not the Book of the Damned. It was a good thing they still hard Charlie's notes. Dean left her alone with Sam to get Cas. But when he went to the library, Cas wasn’t there. In a panic he searched the rest of the bunker. Still no Cas.

They had no choice but to drag Rowena with them. If Cas had gotten loose, the spell had gotten worse. They had to do something _now,_ or else… Dean didn’t even want to think about it.

In the car, Rowena sighed. “So absurd, driving in circles looking for your unhinged boyfriend,” she moaned.

“We’re not driving in circles,” Dean stated. The witch was getting on his last nerve. “We’re locked onto his phone’s GPS. We’re tracking his location.”

It was a good thing they had an extra burner phone at the bunker since Cas’s other phone was apparently smashed to bits by his angel friends. If they hadn’t activated it and given it to Cas, he didn’t know how they’d be able to track him down.

“I have no idea what you just said, but I’m sure I could do it faster,” Rowena said smugly.

“Yeah, maybe you could. But you would have to do a spell, which means we would have to take the cuffs off. And we’re not going to take the cuffs off,” Sam lectured.

“There’s no trust. Are we not a team?” Rowena asked.

“No,” both brothers answered in unison.

So Rowena just sat there and sulked while Dean drove and Sam continued to track down Cas’s GPS location.

After a while, Rowena spoke up. “You wouldn’t think a road trip with two such _strapping_ lads could be so tedious. Shall we have a wee sing-song?”

Again, both brothers answered in unison. “No.”

“I have myself to blame,” she sulked. “Should never make deals with Winchesters since they seem unable to hold up their end of the bargain.”

“Meaning what?” Dean asked. _What bargain?_

“Oh, just that _thing_ between Sam, Crowley, and myself.”

“What? What’s she talking about?” he asked his brother. He knew they’d used her to break his curse, but neither Sam nor Cas had mentioned any sort of _thing_.

“Oh, surely you knew Sam made a deal with me to kill my son if I removed the Mark of Cain from your arm,” she explained. “Well, is the Mark gone? Yes. Is Crowley dead? No.”

Dean glared at his brother the best he could while driving and Rowena let out a tiny amused chuckle.

“Oh, he didn’t _know?”_ she asked with mock surprise.

“Look, I was gonna tell you, obviously. But… nothing ever came of it so I figured there was no point, you know?” Sam told him.

“No point, huh?” Dean asked. Oh, he was pissed _now_.

“I mean, I see what Dean’s saying. Your wee Castiel wouldn’t be in this pickle if you’d done what you promised. I would’ve had no reason to cast the attack dog spell if Crowley were already dead. Excellent point!” Rowena said.

“That's not my point,” Dean corrected. “Sam _knows_ my point. Keyword: _secrets_.”

“Ah, well, I’m just glad I got the conversation flowing. Family relations are a  _specialty_ of mine,” Rowena said, sarcastically.

Before either brother had a chance to retort, Sam pinpointed Cas’s location. They pulled into a nearby alley where they knew they’d find Cas. Sam and Rowena went in one direction and Dean in the other. The plan was to trap the crazed angel. Hopefully, Dean could calm him down with, like, true love and shit.

Or maybe _not_ . The second he spotted Cas the angel went all “attack dog” on him, _literally_ growling as he circled in on him.

“Cas! This isn’t you, ok? It’s the spell. You can beat this,” he said as he calmly approached the angel. “It’s gonna be ok, baby. I’ve got you.”

As soon as Dean put his hand on his shoulder the angel snapped and shoved Dean into a dumpster. He picked up him and shoved him into a fence, punching him over and over. The scene was ominously familiar, Dean realized, remembering the last time the angel had beaten him up in an alley.

“Desiste,” Rowena chanted just in time, causing Cas to stop in his tracks.

Dean looked at her, expecting her to continue but she just stood there, grinning.

“Do I need to remind you that these are _witch-killing_ bullets?” Sam asked her as he pointed his gun into her temple. “Finish the spell!”

“Yes, yes, alright.” Rowena obliged. “Adlevo onus tuum.”

Cas immediately began convulsing and fell to the ground. Dean grabbed for him and pulled him close, holding him in his arms as he shook. When he finally opened his eyes, they were bright blue. All traces of the curse were gone.

“Permitte telum!” Rowena shouted and Sam’s gun flew out of his hand.

Before Dean could move the witch shouted again and Sam was flung against the side of a building. Dean chased after her but she shouted another spell and appeared to vanish into thin air. _Great. Just great._

But at least they got Cas back.

Later, at the bunker, Cas handed Dean a beer and sat down next to him on the couch, his face distraught. Dean pressed the beer against his swollen face. It felt good.

“I… There aren’t words, Dean,” he said solemnly.

“You’re right. There aren’t words, Cas, ‘cause there’s no need,” Dean assured him. “You were under a spell. There’s nothing to feel sorry for.”

“But you had Rowena. Because of me, you…” he trailed off, putting his head in his hands.

“No. We got you back. That’s what matters. _You’re_ what matters,” Dean told him.

They still had not made a move to touch each other. After a moment Cas looked up.

“Dean, I can fix that,” Cas said as he moved to touch Dean’s face in an attempt to heal his injuries.

But Dean flinched away.

“No. It’s fine, Cas. Besides… I had it comin’,” Dean shrugged, looking away from the angel.

No, he didn’t deserve his sympathy. Not after he’d beaten him up and nearly killed him in the other room.

“Dean, you know that isn’t true,” Cas reassured him, taking his hand. “That was the curse. It wasn’t you.”

Dean looked up at him and saw his angel looking back at him with so much love and trust. It was more than he could ever deserve.

“Cas, I-” he started, but Cas put a finger to his mouth, silencing him.

“Dean I will not allow you to apologize for something you didn’t do wrong,” he said.

Dean knew arguing with him was useless so he just nodded his head and squeezed Cas’s hand. No, Cas deserved a better version of Dean. He deserved someone stronger. And that’s what Dean would be for him. He needed to suck up his self-loathing bullshit and just be there for him.

“You’re too good to me, angel,” he said to him with a small smile.

Cas just paused and took Dean’s face in his hands, forcing him to look at him.

“I love you, Dean Winchester. Don’t you dare think, for even a second, that my love for you is undeserved,” he said with such intensity that a tear rolled down Dean’s cheek.

“I love you too,” Dean whispered. “I love you so fucking much it hurts.”

And then he allowed Cas to heal him.

“Better?” the angel asked him, kissing him softly on the lips.

“Cas, I can’t promise that I’m never going to fuck up again. I can’t promise that I’ll always be the man you deserve... but I’ll sure as hell try,” Dean said to him.

“Dean,” Cas sighed, kissing him again. “You already _are_ that man. You always were.”

He looked at Dean with such intensity and such love that it made his heavy heart soar as if he had wings of his own. And in that moment Dean knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the angel by his side.

End of chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> D'aww, Dean's getting over his insecurities and self destructive behavior! Maybe the showrunners should take notes ;)


	22. Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is what happened while the boys were out in the episode Baby. A lot of it is from Cas's perspective, which is why the movies have weird descriptions.
> 
> Also, for some reason happy!Cas always sounds a bit like Misha in my head, just pitched a little lower. Hope it's not too OOC.

### Chapter 22

About two weeks later, Dean and Cas were washing the Impala. This was the second time Dean had washed every single car in the bunker’s garage, including the ones that were no longer running. The first time around, Dean’s pants kept getting wet so he decided to take some old jeans and cut them into shorts. They ended up being a little _too_ short, but Dean didn’t really give a shit. Besides, he kept catching Cas looking at his ass, which was _partly_ the reason he kept wearing them. Even so, Cas kept reminding him that he could easily dry them both off with a single touch. Dean decided this was no fun and managed to encourage Cas to at least take off his coat and roll up the sleeves. It was a good thing too, because halfway through soaping the car, Dean threw his sponge at Cas and started giggling like a lovesick idiot.

“How can you expect us to wash your vehicle if you keep throwing soapy water at me?” Cas scolded him as he threw it back, hitting Dean in the ass with the soggy sponge.

“Hey! Lighten up Cas!” Dean laughed as he sprayed him playfully with the hose.

“I’m still recovering from the curse, Dean, so please refrain from splashing water on me,” Cas chided, his face serious.

“Shit, Cas… I forgot,” Dean apologized and began sudsing up the car again.

As he washed the windshield, Cas came up behind him and dumped the _entire_ bucket of water on him.

“You little shit!” Dean shouted and spun around to meet Cas sporting a shit-eating grin. “You think just because you’re cute I’m gonna let you get away with that?”

He threw his sponge at his face but Cas ducked at the last possible second. Angel reflexes.

“You’re gonna have to do better than that, Winchester,” Cas teased him with a sly smile.

“I wish we could have started this thing sooner… when you were human. I’d love to know whether you’re ticklish,” Dean chuckled, pulling him in for a hug that would be considered bone-crushing by human standards. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, angel.”

Cas’s messy wet hair and wide grin reminded Dean of when Zachariah sent him five years into the future. The Cas he met there was a total stoner, but Dean kind of dug his “free spirit” vibe. The Dean he met in alt 2014 was a total dick though. But hey, they made it to 2015 and he and Cas were finally together. Dean shuddered to think of the fate alt-Cas had suffered. He was fairly certain that future-Dean and Cas had a _thing_ at one point, but whatever they might have had was over by the time Zach had zapped him there. That was, if it was even an alternative timeline at all and not some angel ruse designed to trick him into saying yes to Michael.

“What’re you thinking about?” Cas asked him after a moment.

“How much I love you,” Dean replied.

He didn't know how to explain the apocalyptic future that never came to be, especially since it now was technically the _past_.

“I love you too,” Cas said, drawing him in closer.

Dean forgot all about the "endverse" as Cas kissed him gently. Chaste kisses turned hungry and desperate as Cas pushed him against the frame of the Impala. Dean groaned against his lips and deepened the kiss, dragging his fingers through his damp locks. Cas kissed along his jawline and down his neck, eliciting another groan from the hunter. With Cas still recovering from Rowena’s spell, they hadn’t had much of a chance to get _reacquainted_ with one another. In fact, they hadn’t had sex since Sam’s birthday. It had been so long! _Fucking Mark of Cain..._

Dean unbuttoned Cas’s shirt as Cas nibbled at his ear. When he shrugged the bothersome garment off his shoulders, he looked down at his toned body and let out a sigh. He brushed his fingers across his stomach and past the vee of his sharp hips, down into his waistband, grabbing at his swollen cock.

“God, babe. So hot,” Dean murmured.

“Actually, being God was uncomfortable. Swallowing all of Purgatory really upset my stomach,” Cas cracked.

“Shut up,” Dean laughed and kissed him, undoing his pants as he chuckled into his mouth. “You’re such a doof.”

“Yeah, but I’m _your_ doof,” Cas reminded him.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Dean said, giving his bulge another tug.

Cas began tugging at his tee-shirt and Dean slipped it over his head, exposing his torso to the cool bunker garage. After lustfully drinking in his form, the angel unzipped his cutoffs and was surprised to find he was going commando. Dean just shrugged and kicked them off, letting them fall to a heap on the wet floor. He tugged at Cas’s trousers and they dropped to his ankles, leaving him in only his boxer shorts. Cas quickly stepped out of remaining layer of clothing, and pressed up against Dean, rolling his hips so that their cocks rubbed together.

Cas repositioned them so that the angel was the one leaning against Baby’s door, and pulled Dean to him, kissing him passionately. Dean slid his thigh between Cas’s legs and Cas gripped at his ass, pulling him so that their bodies were flush up against one another. Their tongues fought for dominance as they kissed, and Dean began rocking his hips, moaning into the other man’s mouth as their erections made contact.

“There’s, uh, lube in the glove compartment,” Dean whispered into Cas’s ear.

“Were you planning this?” Cas asked him, kissing the corner of his mouth.

Dean shrugged and Cas opened the passenger door. As he leaned over to retrieve the bottle, Dean slapped his ass with a satisfying clap and Cas playfully growled. He crawled out of the seat with the bottle and straightened up, fixing Dean with a sinful glare and thrusting his body against the window so that he was facing away from him.

“Shit, Cas,” Dean moaned as Cas kissed his neck, nipping and sucking as he made his way down to his shoulder.

“I happen to know this is one of your fantasies,” Cas whispered as he kissed along Dean’s shoulder blade.

“You read my mind or something?” Dean asked as Cas leaned into him.

“No, I just know you better than you think,” Cas replied.

The angel squeezed a bit of lube on his fingers and slipped one inside of Dean, causing him to tense up slightly. But soon Dean began to relax as Cas slipped his finger in and out, stretching him. Cas added a second finger and then a third, scissoring into him until Dean was moaning with anticipation.

He felt Cas’s tip press against his entrance as he eased into him. The stretch was delicious and Dean groaned with pleasure as Cas sunk in deeper. Cas moved his hands from his shoulders to his waist as he began thrusting, one hand around his middle, the other reached for his neglected cock.

He began pumping in time with his movements and Dean moaned his name as Cas stroked him. Dean came first, uttering a string of profanities, followed by Cas shooting deep inside of him. Both panting, Cas flipped him around and kissed him softly. Dean returned the kiss and dug his fingers into Cas’s back. When they broke apart, they rested on each other’s foreheads, and stared into one another's eyes.

They stayed like this, green on blue, for several minutes before Dean pulled back.

“We better get dressed and clean up before Sam decides to come looking for us,” he told him.

“We’re gonna have to rewash this side of the car,” Cas grimaced, looking at the sticky mess Dean had made on the door.

“You can’t just mojo it clean?” Dean asked him out of curiosity.

“It doesn’t work like that,” Cas explained. “I can only return living creatures to their original state. I can mend wounds and maintain the cleanliness of my vessel or others.”

“Yeah, but you can move shit with the Force or whatever. I’ve seen you do it,” Dean told him. “So can’t you just, I don’t know, blast the ick away?”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” Cas stated, as he cleaned himself and Dean off with the touch of his hand. “What I’m doing here is, reversing the state of your body to an earlier stage. I’m undoing damage, so to speak. I cannot create or destroy matter. I simply heal or move objects from one place to another.”

“So could you move our mess and give somebody in China a jizzy surprise?” Dean asked with a chuckle.

“I suppose I could move it to a landfill if you’re feeling lazy,” Cas said with a shrug.

Dean thought about it for a second.

“No, we can clean it up,” he said as he pulled on his clothes. “I’m not _that_ lazy.”

Cas chuckled and pulled on his own clothes. When they finished cleaning Baby they went back inside for lunch. Dean was _starving._

“Dude, what’s up with the shorts?” Sam asked him as soon as he walked into the kitchen.

“Hey man, it’s a free bunker! Did you find anything?” Dean asked, gesturing to his laptop.

“Um… Not on the Darkness. No,” Sam replied as Dean made his way to the fridge and pulled out last night’s pizza.

“What about Metatron?” Dean asked, taking a bite of cold pepperoni.

“Still in the wind. No leads,” Sam told him, giving him a disapproving look.

“Great. So we have an ancient evil out there somewhere, just getting stronger by the day,” Dean sighed. “Guess we got nothing to do but wait for Cas to recover… I don’t know about you, but I’ve got some serious cabin fever. Did you know we’ve washed every car in this place… twice?”

“You’ve mentioned it,” Sam laughed. “Well, I may have found a case. I mean, it’s thin-”

“Hey, thin works. It’s better than staying in another week. What’ve you got?” Dean asked him.

“Okay, uh, Quaker Valley, Oregon, town outside of Eugene… Local sheriff was found in the woods a couple days ago. His body was mauled so they chalked it up to an animal attack, but I’m thinking-”

“Werewolf,” Dean answered for him.

“Yeah, maybe,” Sam shrugged.

“Yeah, you’re right. That is thin,” Dean sighed.

“Yeah. Probably nothing, right?”

“Probably not… Oregon, here we come!”

Dean wiped his hands on his pants and turned to Cas who was patiently watching the exchange.

“You gonna be alright here by yourself? I know you’re still healing and whatnot...” he asked him.

“No, Dean. I can help,” Cas argued.

“Look, babe… I know you’re not a full strength yet… This isn’t up for debate, you’re staying here,” Dean told him. “You can catch up on some Netflix or watch a couple movies… It’s a milk run. We won’t be long.”

“All right. Just call if you need anything,” Cas agreed, pulling Dean in for a kiss.

With that, the Winchester brothers left, leaving Cas alone in the bunker. He knew Sam kept some DVDs that weren’t “Dean approved” in his room so he went to check them out. He picked up one that featured a woman with springy red hair who reminded him of Charlie and another that had a second red haired woman who looked like Rowena. _Breakfast Club, Easy A…_ Those titles didn’t sound familiar and weren’t among the knowledge he gained from Metatron. Seemed like a good enough place to start.

He took both films to the room he and Dean shared and popped the first one into his laptop. It featured five teenage humans who were in some sort of child-prison similar to where he had found Claire. The boy with Sam’s hair reminded Cas of Dean, they both had sarcastic, yet somehow charming, personalities. As far as he could tell, the movie was about angst, shenanigans, and dance sequences. Sure, the song at the end was catchy and the rebel got the girl, but why did the one in black have to change herself in order to attract the boy? It didn’t make sense to Cas. He kinda preferred her as the outcast character. Maybe it was because he himself had always felt like an outcast.

The second movie turned out to have a much better message than the first one, it was about not having to prove yourself to others. After the red-headed girl spend the entire movie pretending to be someone she wasn’t, she finally confessed her transgressions and found self acceptance. _And_ she got the guy by just being herself. The same song from the first movie played at the end as they rode off into the sunset. Cas smiled at the thought of the romantic gesture.

Cas spent the rest of the night reading the Song of Ice and Fire series. He and Dean had been watching the tv show, Game of Thrones, and Cas wanted to compare the books to the on-screen experience. He was on Clash of Kings when he received a text from Dean. It was seven in the morning. He’d been reading all night, he realized, as checked the message.

Dean: **Sammy got lucky in the back of the Impala. We’re gonna have to give her a deep clean when we get home. Yuck! :/**

Cas chuckled and sent him a message back. Dean recently taught him how to make faces with symbols and he wanted to try one out.

Cas: **If he knew about what happened yesterday morning he’d be equally appalled ;)**

Dean: **That’s different! He had sex in the back with some rando before I got a chance to be inside my baby INSIDE my baby if you know what I mean :P**

It was a little confusing but Cas worked it out and sent him a less than three, hoping to convey that he both understood and agreed with his assessment.

Cas: **< 3**

It, according to Dean, was supposed to resemble a sideways heart. Cas knew enough about human anatomy to know that, in no way shape or form, did it look like the organ. But he sent it anyway knowing that Dean would get the meaning.

Cas stretched as he got out of bed and took a walk around the bunker. He’d been laying down for far too long and needed to stretch his legs a bit. After about an hour of exploring the corridors, he went back to his and Dean’s room and opened his laptop. He clicked on the Netflix app and began watching the first program he saw. It was an interesting show about a women’s correctional facility and the inmates who occupied it. But, he wasn’t exactly sure how orange correlated with black in a way that was new.

He was halfway through the second season when he got a call from Dean.

“Hey,” Cas said, not taking his eyes off the screen. “I miss you.”

_“Miss you too. What’re you up to?”_

“Uh… Netflix. The joys of not needing to sleep…” he said as he paused the show.

_“Well, you wanna take a break and help us with some research?”_

_“_ Of course,” Cas answered, sitting up. “What do you need?”

_“Can you look into Werepires for me?”_

“I’m sorry…? Werepires?” Cas asked, confused.

_“Yeah, you know, the hybrid lovechild of a werewolf and a vampire.”_

“I’m not sure such a being exist…” Cas told him.

_“No, but some SOMETHING’S chomping hearts and sucking blood.”_

“Yeah, I’ll look into the lore and see if anything matches that description,” he said, agreeing to the craziness.

_“Thanks, babe! I love you.”_

“Love you too,” Cas said, hanging up.

As Cas was looking through the lore books he got another text from Dean.

Dean: **She took her**

Cas was confused.

Cas: **Who took who?**

Dean: **I am never letting Sam talk me into valet parking again!**

Cas: **Did somebody steal your car?**

Dean: **No, just used her and abused her. Took her for a joyride.**

Cas chuckled. He wasn’t sure what a “valet” was but he knew how Dean felt about other people driving his “baby.”

Cas: **I’m sorry people keep doing bad things in your car XD**

Dean: **It’s not funny >:(**

Cas put the phone down and continued doing research. As much as he’d like to keep texting his boyfriend all day, both of them had work to do.

An hour later, Cas called him. He found it.

“Hey, Dean,” he said when he answered. “It’s a Whisper.”

_“What’s whispering?”_

“Your ‘warepire’ is actually what’s referred to as a Whisper,” Cas explained to him.

_“Well that’s lame.”_

“It’s not _lame_ it’s accurate…” Cas huffed. “Silver will kill it but you may want to decapitate it just to be sure.”

_“All right. Sounds good… I’m at the crime scene now. It was staged. The body was dragged. There was no signs of struggle.”_

“Maybe the body was moved there to look more like an animal attack?” Cas offered.

_“Yeah, maybe. It was pretty sloppy though. What else you got on these things?”_

Cas flipped through the lore book until he found the passage he was looking for.

“Listen to this. Whispers have a fascinating history. They were actually once believed to be in the bloodline of werewolves but, in fact, they are more similar to demons. They, uh, got their nickname from how quiet their attacks are. Because of their stealthiness, they've lived on the fringes for centuries. Although there were several that were hunted and killed during the Salem witch . . . Wait a minute. Okay, according to this, Whispers only feed during the solar eclipse. Uh, so, Dean, I, uh, don't believe what you're hunting is a Whisper. Must be another creature of some kind. Okay. Fine, I'll say it. Maybe it is your so-called werepire. But to be honest, I have never heard-” Cas explained to him before he heard gunshots. “Dean? Dean, are you alright? Dean? Dean!”

_“As it turns out, I did shoot the deputy.”_

Cas was confused. How much of the conversation had Dean missed?

“Wait, Dean, is everything-”

_“The deputy was a warepire. It’s alright. Silver bullets worked.”_

“No, Dean, listen… According to the lore, the timing is off. The next solar eclipse in North America is years away. It can’t be a-”

_“Hang on.”_

“Dean, wait. Listen. It couldn’t be-” he heard growling and some rustling. “Dean?”

_“Scratch that. You gotta cut off their-”_

Cas heard more growling. Did his boyfriend ever listen?

“Dean, it’s not a Whisper,” Cas said, annoyed.

 _“Yeah, I’m starting to get that. Give me a second.”_ Cas heard some gunshots followed by Dean’s muffled voice and some more growling. _“Alright, Cas you there?”_

“Of course,” Cas told him. “What’s going on?”

_“Well whatever it is, silver slows it down. I’m, uh, sending you a picture now. I’ve never seen anything like it. See if there’s a match in the lore for its fangs, would ya?”_

Cas received the text and opened it to find a severed head in the cooler.

“Alright, I’m on it,” he told him. “And Dean? Be careful, ok?”

_“I will. Love you.”_

“Love you too,” he said hanging up the phone and shaking his head.

He just _knew_ Dean would worm his way out of cleaning the cooler. He or Sam would end up having to clean "warepire" blood or buy a new one. He sighed and looked back down at the picture. At least Dean was okay.

Half an hour later, he called Dean back.

_“Hey, Cas, tell me you got something.”_

“It’s a Nachzehrer,” Cas told him.

_“Gesundheit.”_

“It’s a ghoul and vampire-like creature,” Cas explained.

_“A ghoulpire! Sweet!”_

“Some breeds feed on the flesh of the dead, others feed on the blood and hearts of the living,” he said, ignoring Dean’s comment. “They run in small packs but usually keep an extremely low profile.”

_“Great. So how do we kill em?”_

“Well, they’re already dead,” Cas sighed. “So in a manner of speaking, they just need to be _reminded_ that they’re dead. You need obol.”

 _“Of course,”_ Sam said. Dean must’ve put him on speaker. _“Yeah, in ancient Greece when a person died some people believed you had to put an obol or a coin in their mouth so they can use it as currency to be taken across the river to the underworld.”_

 _“Wow. Your nerdiness knows no bounds,”_ Dean said to his brother.

“Um, so… you place a coin in a Nachzehrer ’s mouth, then sever their head. That will kill them. And according to the lore, if you kill the pack’s Alpha, everyone they’ve turned will revert back to human form. So I recommend doing that if you can,” Cas said, mostly to Dean.

 _“Yeah, yeah,”_ Dean said. _“Where do we find an obol?”_

“Well, according to the Men of Letter’s records, you’re gonna need a copper coin. They used to use pennies, so you’ll need one of those. But it has to be pre-1982. Before then, pennies were 95% copper. Now they're only copper-plated zinc,” Cas explained, looking over the lore.

 _“Got one right here,”_ Came Dean’s voice over the speakers after a few moments.

Cas knew he kept change in the cupholder.

“Good. Don’t take any unnecessary risks,” Cas reminded him.

_“I won’t. Talk to you later, babe.”_

“Yeah, see you when you get home,” Cas said as he hung up.

Cas went back to watching Orange is the New Black. He liked the woman they called Red. She was spunky and quickly becoming his favorite character. He didn’t much care for Piper, but he liked her girlfriend, Alex, as well as most of the other women on the show.

Two days and two seasons of Arrow later, Dean returned with Sam. Both brothers, as well as the car, were covered in scratches and bruises. Cas fixed the Winchesters right away and gave Dean a kiss, hugging him close.

“Serves me right for bitching about Sam and the valet,” he said, gesturing to the broken frame and windows.

“Well, you’ll fix her. You always do,” Cas reassured him.

“I’m just glad to be home,” Dean told him as he kissed his lips. “So, what’ve you been up to?”

Cas smiled. It was so like Dean to ask about Cas’s day when he obviously had a more exciting story to tell, judging by the state of the Impala. His Dean was reckless but selfless. He thought of others before he thought of himself. That was the one good thing John Winchester had passed down to his son. Saving people, hunting things. The family business.

End of chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got something really exciting planned for next chapter, so stay tuned :D
> 
> Sorry, I really like Breakfast Club but seriously the message seems to be that men get the girl by being confident but women have to change themselves in order to get the guy. Easy A is a much better movie. Fight me!
> 
> I also really really hate Piper. Sorry.
> 
> Psst! The cutoffs are canon! That is a direct fucking quote! You get a full-body shot of them in this magnificent gag reel [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGfaYvhmAjo) (spoiler warning) PS: I’m gonna try and incorporate a line or two from the gag reel into the fic so just you wait ;)


	23. Sixteen Candles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All those 80s movies seem to have rubbed off on Cas!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know what happens in season 11 *cough* Casifer *cough* but I think you guys (as well as our boys) deserve some happiness before shit hits the fan.

# Chapter 23

Cas hadn’t come to bed yet but Dean wasn’t worried. It had been three weeks since they’d gotten back from fighting the ghoulpire and he’d been working on the Impala daily. To be honest, he was feeling pretty burnt out. This shit was so much easier when he was in his twenties. Dean was lying awake in bed, his head consumed with thought, when he heard music coming from outside his bunker door. Was that Jeff Buckley’s version of Hallelujah?

He opened the bunker door and found Cas holding a boombox like it was something straight out of Say Anything or an equally cheesy 80s movie. When Dean saw his angel, he just about laughed but his laughter caught in his throat. It almost came out as a sob. He looked at his angel, the man he loved.

 _He’s so beautiful_ , Dean thought.

And it was true. Cas was wearing jeans and a leather jacket with a white v-neck tee shirt, half tucked. On his feet were converse. Very 80s. Very hot. And even though it was a chick-flick moment, it was very sweet. The sweetest thing anyone had ever done for him, in fact.

“Marry me,” Dean said without hesitation.

“What?” Cas asked, his eyes wide orbs.

“You heard me! Marry me! I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he said but then stopped. “Well, if you’ll still want me… you know, with you being _immortal_ and all...”

Cas thought for a second. Dean was getting anxious but didn’t press him. That wouldn’t be fair.

Finally, after about fifteen seconds (if felt like fifteen minutes!) Cas said, “Then we’ll just find a way to make me mortal.”

“What? You don’t have-” _to do that for me_ , Dean started to say but Cas put up a hand, cutting him off.

“I choose a mortal life,” Cas said, smiling wide.

“Did you just quote Lord of the Rings? God, I love you,” Dean sighed, pulling his angel in for a kiss.

“You know, I was supposed to be the one who asked _you…_ That’s why I did all this,” Cas said, gesturing to his getup.

“Yeah, well, I beat you to the punch,” Dean laughed, kissing him again.

God the outfit was so _hot!_ He really, really liked seeing Cas in his clothes, even if they were a little big on him.

“Only because you’re impatient,” Cas chuckled.

Sam came around the corner shouting something about it being too late for loud music and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Um… Is he wearing your clothes?” he asked Dean, his eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, he totally pulled the whole 80s movie boombox thing on me,” Dean said with a smile.

“Well I knew that one was a keeper,” Sam smirked, shaking his head.

“Me too…” Dean said, suddenly shy. “I, uh… I asked him to marry me, Sam.”

Sam looked stunned for a second but pulled both men into a tight bear hug.

“It’s about time,” he said. After a pause he asked, “So you gonna get engagement rings?”

“No,” both Dean and Cas responded at the same time causing all three men to chuckle.

“Nah, neither of us are really ‘bling’ guys,” Dean explained, glad that Cas wasn’t expecting anything. “But we’ll probably want wedding bands, right?”

It felt weird and exciting saying talking about it, but since Sam brought it up it seemed as good a time as any to ask.

“We can discuss the details later,” was all Cas said, giving Dean a peck on the cheek.

“Are you guys gonna have an engagement party?” Sam asked excitedly.

“I’m sorry,” Dean scoffed. “Who are we gonna invite? Crowley? Rowena? All of our friends are dead if you haven’t noticed.”

“There’s still Claire and Jody,” Cas reminded him, putting his arm around him in an attempts to calm him down.

Dean had promised him he’d work on his ‘anger issues.’

“No, you’re right,” Dean sighed. “I don’t know… We’re not exactly gonna be able to get married in a strictly _legal_ sense what with me being a supposed dead man and Cas being, you know, not human.”

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean you guys can’t have an engagement party or whatever,” Sam reminded him.

“I’ll think about it,” Dean said.

He wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of parties. Being the center of attention made him uncomfortable.

“Oh! I could take your engagement photos and put them on Facebook!” Sam said excitedly.

He was way too pumped about this.

“First of all, neither of us has a Facebook,” Dean explained to him. “Second of all… No.”

“Gah! You’re no fun,” Sam groaned as he walked away. “Congratulations you guys!” he said over his shoulder as he disappeared.

Well, that was a new side of Sammy Dean hopped to never see again.

“I think your brother ‘ships it’ as the kids say these days,” Cas wisecracked.

End of chapter 23

* * *

This is so totally Sam right now lol

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose Hallelujah specifically because of the Plead the Fifth (Dean's Lullaby) video I posted earlier [[<3]](https://youtu.be/0I7tC6NGghc). 
> 
> Here's an adorbs fanart #hearteyes  
> [Cute Supernatural](http://foxyblues.deviantart.com/art/Cute-Supernatural-670404869) by [FoxyBlues](http://foxyblues.deviantart.com/) on [DeviantArt](http://www.deviantart.com)
> 
> Here's a beautiful acapella version to the song Hallelujah that I think you guys might enjoy [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRP8d7hhpoQ). I thought about making it Elvis's Can't Help Falling In Love but since reading Twist and Shout I die a little every time I hear that song. Here's a version by the same group if you want to cry your eyes out [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSkHIv7GhOM).


	24. Our Little World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a huge fan of the Amara plot-line so I kinda skip through it and focus on Dean and Cas. It is assumed the reader has seen this episode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the first half of this chapter pre-season finale. So there might be some mild triggers for anyone who's seen the latest episode. I promise my fic will have a happy ending no matter what the show decides.

###  **Chapter 24**

**Dean:**

Dean woke up the next morning snuggled against Cas… his fiancé. _Oh my god this is really happening,_ he thought, trying not to freak out. Because if Dean Winchester was good at anything, it was freaking the fuck out.

“You okay?” Cas asked him, stroking his back.

“Yeah, I just… never thought this would happen to _me,_ you know?” Dean confessed, reaching up and kissing his cheek.

“Good things do happen, Dean,” Cas reminded him, quoting their first meeting.

“I almost shit myself, you know… The first time I met you. You come across as pretty fucking intimidating, you know that?” Dean confessed to him.

“Back then, I was… lost… confused. I didn’t understand how the world worked… But now I know that… as ‘cheesy’ as it might sound… that _love_ is what matters most. It’s the one force in the universe that’s worth living and dying for,” Cas explained to him.

Dean’s breath caught in his throat. If this was ‘pillow talk,’ Dean couldn’t _imagine_ what he was up against for wedding vows. There was no _way_ he could compete with that shit.

“Yeah, well, nobody’s dying on my watch,” Dean assured him, hugging him closer.

Cas hummed and kissed the top of his head. They stayed like this for some time, neither one wanting to move.

“I know I’ve said this before but the bunker seems one species short…” Cas sighed.

“You’re about to ask for a cat, aren’t you?” Dean chuckled.

“But _Dean,_ we could call him ‘Catstiel’ and he could be our _child,”_ Cas whined.

“I don’t know what’s scarier,” Dean said, pushing up to look at him. “Happy you or pissed off you…”

Cas squinted his eyes and looked down at Dean like he was confused.

“Would you rather me be pissed off?” he asked him.

“Nah, man,” Dean said, kissing the tip of his nose. “This is just a new side of you, that’s all… I kinda like it if I’m being honest.”

“Well, just so you know, I’m dead serious about the cat thing. That’s an issue I’m unwilling to compromise on,” Cas smirked.

“Fine,” Dean consented. “If you want to be some fuzzy thing’s angel-mom…”

“Wait, why am _I_ the mother?” Cas scolded.

Dean gave him his best possible ‘bitchface’ and answered, “Because we both know you’re gonna baby the shit out of the poor thing.” Cas started to protest and Dean cut him off, “It’s not like it’ll have two dads like with Claire, or whatever. Don’t animals imprint or something? Even Hagrid knew he was Norbert’s ‘mummy,’” Dean quoted with a horrendous British accent.

“Okay. First off, Claire doesn’t have two dads, Claire has _one_ dad. I just happen to look like him. Second, you better be glad I understood that reference, otherwise I’d be _very_ offended right now,” Cas joked.

“Right, because we _didn’t_ open her a fake credit card or give her gifts for her birthday or take her mini golfing. And you _don’t_ text her once a week to make sure she’s doing ok. I forgot, both of us _totally_ haven’t slipped up and called her our daughter or anything… My bad,” Dean said, sarcastically.

“Do you really see her that way, Dean?” Cas asked him with a classic head-tilt.

“Yeah, ‘course I do,” Dean said matter-of-factly.

“Me too…” Cas admitted.

* * *

A week later Dean was putting the finishing touches on the Impala. _Finally_ , it only took him a whole fucking _month_ to fix her. He sighed, maybe he was losing his touch?

Cas - ever seeming to read his mind yet denying it every time - walked in with a beer as soon as he was finishing up.

“You’re really good at that,” he observed, handing Dean the bottle.

Dean cracked it open as he responded, “Well I like to treat my baby right.”

“Are you talking about me or the car?” Cas asked with a half smirk.

Dean smiled and took a sip of his beer.

“Will you do the honors of christening her with me?” Dean asked him, putting his arm around him and giving him a soft kiss on the lips.

“Are you asking if I want to break my beer over your car? Or did you have something else in mind?” Cas asked, his voice a low growl.

“Remember when I said I wanted to be inside my baby _inside_ my baby?” Dean asked, kissing his neck.

Cas looked at him and raised his eyebrow, his face stoic and serious.

“Only if you promise I can have a cat,” he said.

“Twist my arm why don’t you,” Dean smirked and kissed him again, licking his way into his mouth.

They collapsed against the freshly waxed frame of the Impala and Dean reached behind him and opened the door, both men falling into the backseat. Cas twitched his hand and the door slammed shut, trapping them in Baby’s embrace. Dean moaned into his mouth as he rubbed against him. Cas’s display of angelic power was a major turn on.

Cas flipped them around so that he was lying on top of Dean and the hunter began to tug at his trench coat, pulling it off his shoulders. Cas chuckled lightly and grabbed Dean’s hands, stopping him. He looked down at him with pure desire in his too blue eyes and brought their lips together once more.

The next thing Dean knew they were both magically naked. Dean looked up at angel with surprise.

Cas shrugged, “I really enjoy stripping you, but I don’t know how many more times I’ll get to do that.”

“Where’d you mojo them to?” Dean asked, remembering the conversation they had about Cas not being able to create or destroy matter.

“On top of the car,” Cas answered as he rocked his hips against Dean’s crotch. “Don’t worry I’ll-”

“Yeah, don’t care,” Dean chuckled and and grabbed at Cas’s ass, angling him down towards his cock, both men groaned with anticipation as he pressed against his entrance.

The best thing about topping was that the angel required no foreplay. In fact, he often became impatient whenever Dean tried to finger fuck him or use lube, always insisting that there was no way Dean was going to hurt him. Dean mostly shrugged and went with it. Personally, he liked a bit teasing and foreplay. But he also liked how his angel took charge during sex. Hopefully, if and when they found out how to make Cas human again, Cas would be just as dom on top but he would let Dean be a bit more gentle with him when he bottomed. The poor guy was in for a surprise if he thought they could bypass lube when he became mortal.

Cas lowered himself onto Dean’s erection and began riding him up and down, making intense eye contact as Dean thrust his hips. He moved his hands along Cas’s thighs, tightly squeezing as both men moved together. Cas began moaning as he and Dean picked up pace, both men uttering profanities under their breath. Cas grabbed one of Dean’s hands and guided it to his own swollen cock, and Dean began pumping him as they moved together. Cas closed his eyes and rolled his head back in ecstasy.

“I love you,” he whispered.

And that was all it took for Dean to shoot deep inside him. Panting, Dean pulled out and sat up so he could kiss his fiancé.

“Now it’s your turn,” he whispered in his ear, turning his attention to his still-neglected erection.

Dean gently pushed Cas down so that he was laying on his back and instructed him to wrap his legs around his neck as he went down on him. He moaned as Dean bobbed up and down, taking in as much of the angel as he could. When he finally came, Dean collapsed on his chest. He almost fell asleep with Cas rubbing his back. But then, he felt his clothes come back on. They still had work to do, and he and Cas both knew it.

“Come on,” Cas said, helping him sit up. “Let’s see what Sam is up to.”

* * *

Dean and Sam walked out of the Massachusetts home. They left Castiel at the bunker to recover another week. Fun times in the back of the Impala drained him more than Dean would have liked. Rowena’s spell must’ve really kicked his ass.

“Dammit, dude. You said you had a good feeling about that one,” Dean scoffed at his brother as they made their way back to the Impala.

“Yeah, well, it seemed like a solid lead, Dean. Only a soulless psycho would kill the family cat,” Sam sighed.

“Yeah, unless the family cat decides to take a nap in the dryer. Remind me _not_ to tell Cas about that one…”

“You know, we’ve been here since Monday and still haven’t found another legit victim. Maybe Amara moved on or stopped feeding altogether,” Sam wondered out loud.

“Well, finding her victims is still the best shot we got at finding her,” Dean explained.

“Not actually true,” Sam said expectantly, his eyebrows raised.

He was asking about Cas, obviously.

“He’s had a pretty rough go of it lately,” Dean explained, thinking about how much his disappearing clothes act had drained him.

“Which one of us hasn’t?” Sam asked. “Seems insane to leave our one and only angel friend on the bench. Look, I know you’re worried about him-”

“I’ll call him,” Dean sighed as he dialed Cas’s number.

 _“Hey,”_ Cas answered.

“Hey babe… Sorry we didn’t talk longer last night. I was beat,” Dean said over the phone.

_“It’s alright. I’ve been keeping busy enough.”_

“How’re you feeling?”

_“Better.”_

“That’s good. Find anything on Metatron?”

_“Um, nothing on angel radio.”_

Dean could hear the tv in the background.

“Wait… Are you… Are you watching Jenny Jones?” Dean asked.

_“It’s a rerun. She’s just about to announce the paternity results… Jenny, he is not ready to be a father.”_

Dean rolled his eyes. He was talking to the tv. Again.

“Ok. I thought you were going with socially acceptable binge watching. You know, Sense8… the Walking Dead…”

_“Yeah, well, a man can’t live on caviar alone, Dean.”_

“Well, you sound weird ok? And not in a cute way. I’ve been down this road before. I have heard the siren’s song from the idiot box, and and I’m telling you, whatever you’re looking for, you won’t find in there. So do me a favor, babe. Turn off the tv. Go outside and get some air. We’re in the dark here, Cas. I’m sorry if this sounds pushy, but I need you back in the game, ok?” Dean lectured him.

_“Dean…”_

“I love you, ok, but you’ve gotta get up off your ass… Or I’m not getting you a cat,” Dean threatened.

 _“Fine,”_ Cas said, hanging up.

“I’m marrying an idiot…” Dean sighed to himself.

* * *

**Cas:**

Cas knew Dean was right. He sighed and turned off the tv, grabbing his coat off the back of the chair and walking out of their bedroom. He made his way down the hall and past the library. They never quite got the gasoline smell out, although Cas was pretty sure neither human could smell it.

Without warning, everything that happened the past few months hit him like a wave. The past month with Dean had been, without exception, the happiest moment of his existence. But he couldn’t help but remember the curses that plagued them. First, Dean’s curse, The Mark of Cain. Cas shuddered at the memory of their fight in the library. He remembered how he told Dean he loved him for the first time and how that was the only thing that made him stop.

And not even twenty four hours after that, Cas was infected with Rowena’s attack dog spell. Against his will, he attacked Dean in that alley. He saw himself hurting him but couldn’t do a single thing to stop it. He was powerless.

Yet, somehow, he and Dean made up. They pulled through. And now he was on the fast track to becoming a cat-parent, husband, and human.

Cas sighed. It was too much. He knew Dean would be angry with him, but he went back to their room anyway and turned on the tv. And that’s when he saw him. On the news was Metatron.

* * *

Dean and Sam found him sitting in the map room hours later.

“You didn’t show,” Dean said as he approached him.

“No… I, um, went looking for Metatron,” Cas told him.

Dean was visibly upset. “And?”

“And… I let him go,” the angel admitted.

“You let Metatron go!” Dean shouted, startling Cas.

“Look…” Cas sighed. “He’s not going anywhere. He is a human and a pitiable one at that. He’s no threat to us. I got the information I needed from him.”

“Which is?” Dean asked, crossing his arms.

“Amara. She… she’s God’s sister,” Cas explained.

Dean sighed, calming down slightly. “God has a _sister_?” he asked in disbelief.

“Apparently. Yes,” said Cas. “There was no indication Metatron was lying… Were you successful in tracking her down?”

“Yeah, but she, um, got away,” Sam answered.

“What? How?” Cas asked, turning back to Dean.

“She’s God’s fucking sister. She overpowered me,” he answered. “So, what’s our plan here, guys?”

“I guess I’ll start looking into the lore,” Sam said, exiting the room.

For a moment, Cas and Dean stood there awkwardly, not saying a word. But then, Dean approached Cas and enveloped him in a tight hug.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, Dean,” Cas said, tightening the embrace.

Dean laughed sardonically. “No. I lost my temper,” he said.

Cas nodded into his shoulder, accepting the apology.

“Can I discuss something with you?” he asked the hunter.

“‘Course,” Dean replied, kissing his temple.

Cas pulled back to look at him and said, “Are you sure you want to marry me?”

Dean looked stunned for a second. “Of course. Why? Are you not sure you want to marry _me_?”

“I do. It’s just… I’ve hurt you…” Cas’s voice cracked.

“Hey,” Dean said, looking him in the eyes. “I love you. There isn’t a curse on this planet that would make that any less true. We’re gonna stop the Darkness and then we’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together. You, me, and ‘Catstiel.’”

“I’m not really gonna name him that,” Cas chuckled and a small smirk appeared on his face.

Dean kissed him and pulled him close again. “I don’t care if we call him Sammy Jr, as long as you’re happy.”

End of chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This video is Cockles in honor of JibCon 2017. It's fucking adorable and I suggest watching it to cheer yourselves up if you're sad about the finale. [[x]](https://youtu.be/6RdWgDwyj9g?list=FL_dsLKz-H_Ee6neu_vq1Dew)
> 
> Here is a cute Misha video that I was obsessed with for a while. Basically, it's all of his cutest moments to the song Super Duper Cute. [[x]](https://youtu.be/-oWKx9LI5tw?list=FL_dsLKz-H_Ee6neu_vq1Dew)


	25. Olive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas get a cat! One more short fluff chapter before shit hits the fan!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very much based on my own experience with my baby kitty.

**Chapter 25**

The very next day, Dean took Cas to the animal shelter. On the way there, the angel appeared to vibrate he was so excited. He didn’t say anything, just kept tapping his foot and looking over at Dean with an uncharacteristically wide smile.

They made a pit stop at Target beforehand and picked up all the necessary pet supplies. Cas insisted they get a cat tree, treats, and a gazillion toys.

Once they pulled into the parking lot, Cas all but sprinted to the door. Dean had to chuckle because he’d never seen the angel act this way, not even when he was cuckoo for coco puffs after taking on Sam’s hallucinations. He was downright giddy. Dean was reminded of the weird alternate reality Balthazar sent them to, the one where there was nothing supernatural. Dean and Sam were these actor guys, and not even brothers. And Cas was some guy name _Misha._ Right now, Dean was getting flashbacks from that experience because Cas was acting so much like his actor counterpart. It was honestly kinda cute.

At the front desk, they introduced themselves as Dean and Castiel Novak, Cas’s idea. Earlier that morning, Sam had created fake background checks and IDs under their new aliases so Dean wasn’t worried about paperwork or anything. It wasn't like they hadn't falsified documents before.

“I’m so glad you boys are considering adoption,” the receptionist said and Dean noticed a large ‘Adopt Don’t Shop’ poster on the wall behind her. “What kind of animal companion did you have in mind?”

“Um, I was thinking a kitten… If that’s alright...?” Cas said, addressing the question to Dean.

“‘Course it is, babe,” Dean told him. “Let’s check out the kittens.”

And with that, the woman lead them to a room that said ‘Kittens 2-6 Months.’ Once inside, Cas walked up to each cage individually, letting each cat sniff his fingers, and talking to each one.

“Hello. Aren’t you precious,” he said to a grey tabby who’s cage said ‘Female 2 Months.’ “And you appear to be the youngest one here… Dean, this is the one. I want _her.”_

In the cage was what appeared to be the smallest cat in the room. She must’ve been the runt of the litter because she barely looked old enough to be weaned, let alone potty trained. Unlike the other kittens, she was in a cage all by herself.

“She sure is tiny…” Dean sighed uncertainly. “What about this calico over here?”

“No. I want this one… She’s all alone and I… She needs a home, Dean,” Cas said, determined.

“Oh, we found that one on the streets alone. She’s a fighter but she’s rather shy. She’ll need a lot of extra TLC if she’s gonna adjust to a new family,” the employee said.

“I understand,” Cas told the woman. “Can I meet her?”

The woman called another employee over to unlock the cage. He was a large man and the poor kitten looked even smaller in his hands. She squirmed against his restraint all the way to the meeting room. Inside, he gently placed her on the ground and she immediately ran to the corner of the room. But Cas was patient. He put out his hand for her to sniff and made gentle coaxing noises. Eventually, the tiny thing made it’s way out of the corner and Cas scratched her behind her ears. Something about his touch calmed her and she, to everyone’s surprise, climbed right into his lap.

“I think she likes you,” the man said.

An hour later, after they signed some paperwork and reviewed the shelter’s ‘return policy’ (which Cas thought was absolutely horrible), they made their way home with their newest little family member, Olive.

At the bunker, the setup Olive in their room and closed the door. It was important to keep her confined to a single room for at least a week so as not to overwhelm her. Dean had reservations about sleeping in the same room as a litter box and suggested they keep her in Cas’s old room, but Cas insisted she sleep with them.

When they let her out of her crate, the first thing she did was hide under the dresser. So Cas spent the next four hours attempting to coax her out with treats and toys. That night, she sat and watched Dean sleep for a couple of hours, according to Cas.

“It was quite adorable,” he said the next morning. “Every time you stirred, she’d hide under the dresser again.”

As Dean was getting dressed he looked over at the litter box. It looked exactly like it did when they first set it up.

“Is she using the box or is she shitting under the dresser?” he asked, still worried about their new companion not being housebroken.

“Yeah, I’ve just been, um, sending it somewhere else…” Cas said sheepishly.

“You know you won’t be able to pull that lazy shit when you’re human, right?” Dean chuckled.

“I saw some self cleaning litter boxes on Amazon.com. So neither of us will have to… you know…” Cas explained, making a face.

“Or we could just make Sam do it,” Dean joked. “I’ve heard he’s _great_ with animals.”

In one short week, she went from scurrying under the dresser at every sound to practically being a spoiled lap cat. Dean had woken up that morning to a pair of bright green eyes. To his surprise, Olive was sitting on his chest watching him sleep. When he awoke she quickly started rubbing his face and purring like crazy. They both decided she was ready for a little more space, under supervision of course.

Cas insisted on carrying little Olive around the bunker, giving her a tour of each room, letting her smell all the smells and hear all the sounds. After they were done exploring, Cas settled down in the library with her on his lap to do some research. That’s when Dean got the call. Apparently weird shit was going down with a guy in a bunny mask.

End of chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Olive is named after Emma Stone's character in Easy A. The return policy at the shelter and Cas's reaction are based on my own personal reaction to the policy when I got my kitty. The description of Olive being all alone in the cage and being super shy because she was found on the streets is entirely based off of my baby. And like Cas, that made me even more determined to bring her home. Olive and Cas are kindred spirits and she somehow could sense it. It might be an angel thing.
> 
> I've been thinking about writing a Cockles fic since forever but after Jibcon I'm certain I will be releasing one sometime soon. So keep an eye out!
> 
> I kinda soft ship Dean/Misha so I want to give a shout out to a fic by Elizabeth1985 called Misha's Not in Vancouver Anymore in which OUR Misha is somehow transported to the Supernatural universe unrelated to the French Mistake. It's great! [[x]](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1399918/chapters/2935045)


	26. The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #SorryNotSorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *evil laughing*

###  **Chapter 26**

**Dean:**

God this week had been bizarre. Not only was Dean adjusting to having a new kitten, but he’d also been on the _weirdest_ cases of his career. If the bunny mask case seemed crazy, that was nothing compared to meeting Sam’s imaginary friend Sully and learning that psycho invisible beings existed. And to top it all off, there was all that shit with Amara. Dean was going to have to tell Cas about it eventually but the thought of it made him sick to his stomach.

She had coerced him into kissing her somehow. It was that damn brainwashing bond shit she had over him! How the fuck was he gonna explain that to Cas? Especially now that they were _engaged_ and had a cat together?

But they had more pressing issues to deal with. First, Sam was working with Crowley, of all people, to find a safe way to ask _Lucifer_ about the Darkness since he was involved in locking her up in the first place. And then there was Amara herself. Cas had told Dean there was an angel smiting and that they had to see if God’s sister was dead. Again, fucked up week.

He and Cas were in Baby driving towards Kermit, Texas. He tried calling Sam again to tell him where they were headed. But he kept getting voicemail.

 _“Hey, Sam can't talk right now because he's waxing... like everything. But leave a message,”_ his own voice said over the pre-recorded voicemail message.

 _“Dean, what are you doing with my phone? Dean, come on,”_ came Sam’s voice before the beep.

Dean had laughed the first time he realized Sam hadn’t redone his voicemail message, but that was before his _fifteenth_ attempt at calling his brother.

“Call me! Now!” he growled into the phone before hanging up.

“Perhaps you should try Crowley again?” Cas suggested.

“He’s not gonna answer,” Dean sighed but dialed the demon’s number anyway.

_“Thank you for phoning Crowley, King of Hell. For demon deals press one. To report a sighting of that ginger whore Rowena, press two.”_

Dean’s vision began to blur so he hung up without leaving a message. _What the fuck is happening?_ he thought. Sure, they had been driving for almost twelve hours, but that was nothing new to Dean. Without warning, Dean pulled the Impala over and began puking on the side of the road.

“Dean? Dean, are you okay?” Cas asked, rushing to his side and rubbing his back as he vomited.

Cas tried healing him but only succeeded in cleaning the sick off his chin and pants.

“Huh…” the angel breathed. “Stick out your tongue?”

“Cas-”

“Do as I say,” his fiancé ordered him and Dean obeyed.

After checking for, whatever the hell he was checking for, he rubbed Dean’s back again, letting his hand linger there.

“Let me take your temperature,” he said, holding up his index finger.

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Dean gruffed, not exactly wanting to play doctor with his angel at the moment.

Cas sighed and removed his hand from Dean’s back.

“How far are we from the event?” he inquired.

“You mean the angel nuke?” Dean asked and Cas nodded. “Ground zero is about a mile down the road.”

“That explains it,” the angel sighed. “You’re suffering from smiting sickness.”

“That… that’s a thing?” Dean managed to choke out.

“Yeah. The angels… what they did… it released a tremendous amount of energy and there’s fallout. The whole area is poisoned,” Cas explained. “I am sorry I didn't anticipate this.”

“You can heal me, right?” Dean asked.

“No. I can’t. And the closer you get to the blast site the worse your sickness will become. Dean, you need to go back,” Cas pleaded with him.

“No, Cas. I’m not leaving you with her,” Dean protested. “If she’s alive… If it didn’t work…”

The hunter choked on his words and threw up into the gravel.

“The fallout doesn’t affect angels. I’ll go in alone… Why don’t you go check on Sam?” Cas asked, rubbing his back again. “I’ll hot-wire a car to get back to you. Don’t worry, I learned from the best…”

“Cas,” Dean said, gripping his arm. “If she’s still alive… I need you to run.”

His angel didn’t answer. He simply cupped Dean’s face and kissed his forehead. Then, he helped him into the car.

“I love you,” Cas said as he closed the door and walked away.

* * *

**Cas:**

The closer Cas got, the darker it became. He was passing through a forest when he saw the other angel.

“Who are you?” he asked, startling her.

“Ambriel. I work in birth-death statistics… in Heaven. I’m… I’m an angel,” she replied.

“Yeah, I know,” Cas said, annoyed.

“And you’re Castiel,” she said. “I’ve heard stories about you.”

Cas didn’t have time for this.

“Why are you here?” he asked her.

“Same reason you are.”

“Heaven wants to know if the Darkness has been destroyed,” Cas stated.

“Yeah, pretty much,” she nodded.

“And they sent _you?”_ Cas asked as he approached the angel.

Her vessel was an adorable young woman of Asian descent with large framed glasses. And Dean had once said _Cas’s_ vessel looked like a ‘holy tax accountant…’

“Are you going to kill me?” she whimpered.

“Is that what they say? That I _kill_ angels?”

“Well, that’s the _nicest_ thing they say,” she explained and Cas rolled his eyes. “Maybe we can work together? So no one murders anyone…” she suggested.

“Right… Fine,” Cas agreed.

“Ok, so I’ve searched the east end of the forest. Nothing weird,” Ambriel told him.

 _“Really?_ You know it is the middle of the afternoon.”

“So?”

“So, why is it dark?” Cas asked her, losing his patience.

“Excellent question,” she frowned, looking pensive.

Cas just rolled his eyes and sighed. He _really_ didn’t have time for this.

He and Ambriel began walking deeper into the woods, unsure where exactly Amara was. He only knew she was in the general vicinity. After about fifteen minutes of silent hiking, Cas sighed. He had been rude to the other angel. She was obviously nervous and inexperienced. And it wasn’t her fault the other angels talked about him.

“I never wanted this, you know. To be hated by my own kind… I never…” he sighed.

“Oh no, I don’t hate you, Castiel,” she reassured him. “I mean, we have a lot in common. Our names rhyme, that’s a big one. I look good in a trench coat too… And to Heaven, we’re both expendable.”

“Excuse me?” Cas stuttered. He knew there were those in Heaven who wanted him dead, for sure, but was he so disliked that even an angel such as Ambriel believed him to be expendable?

“Well, that’s why we’re here right? I’m a number cruncher and you… like I said, I’ve heard the stories. I mean, you rejected us, Castiel. You’re engaged to a _human…_ The only reason Heaven has allowed this union is because the two of you cannot produce a nephilim. So, if the Darkness is alive and she’s _pissed…_ and she kills us… no big loss,” she shrugged, her voice pitying. She smiled lightly and began to down the path. “You coming?”

“I’ll catch up,” Cas sighed.

Cas knew the news of Heaven’s disapproval shouldn’t have hit him so hard. After all, for close to a decade he’d been in rebellion. Yet, he now understood Dean’s desire to seek John’s approval, even when he knew his father was wrong. Family had that effect. But Cas had a new family. And soon, he wouldn’t have to worry about the angels. Once his soul was human, they’d treat him as such… he hoped.

Just then, he heard Ambriel scream from the path ahead of him. He began running in her direction, shouting her name as he went, but by the time he made it to the clearing, he was too late. A eerily beautiful woman in a black dress was consuming the poor angel's grace. When she had her fill, she threw the girl to the ground and looked skyward, extending her arms. All the darkness from the forest and sky rushed towards her form and was sucked up inside of her, revealing daylight. Panting, the woman turned towards him.

“Castiel?” she asked, tilting her head slightly. “Dean mentioned you.”

_He did? When?_

“Amara, what did you do to her?” he asked, pointing to the dead angel.

“I consumed her. Her grace, her spark _,_ her memories, everything... she... oh, she _really_ hit the spot.”

Cas pulled out his angel blade and took a defensive stance, to which Amara simply looked amused.

“Seriously? I mean Heaven brought the thunder and it barely even scratched my paint job. But you and a shiny knife? Sure, that’s gonna work,” she scoffed.

“You think I’m afraid to die?” he asked her, mustering up all the courage he could.

“I know you are,” she said, approaching him. “You love him. The two of you share a bond, one much deeper than the bond he and I share. Ours is… mystical. But what the two of you share? It transcends this very existence.”

Cas raised his blade and plunged it at her, but she caught his arm. “Oh, scary,” she said flatly and flung him against a tree. “As long as you’re in the picture, blue eyes, Dean will never fall under my spell completely,” she said as she approached him and kneeled by his side. “And I can’t have that. I’m a bit of the jealous type. Just ask my brother… Oh wait, you can’t.”

“Just do it,” Cas grunted.

“I’d love to but I have a job for you first. Maybe this’ll get that boy’s attention,” she said, putting her hand on Cas’s chest.

Cas screamed as he felt her ripping into him. And then, suddenly, he wasn’t in the field anymore.

* * *

**Dean:**

Dean was a mile outside of Kansas when he got a call.

“You son of a bitch,” he said when he answered.

 _“Miss you too, puddin’,”_ said the King of Hell.

“Don’t start,” Dean growled, sick of the demon’s flirtations. “Where are you? Where’s Sam?”

_“Ah, there was a bit of a hiccup. Your brother is in Hell… With Lucifer.”_

“Goddammit! Where’s the entrance?” Dean growled.

_“You’re coming to get your dear brother? Well, I suppose you do owe me a favor…”_

“What do you want?” Dean asked him.

_“My mother on a leash. It’s a two birds one stone arrangement, really. You need her and so do I.”_

“Fine,” Dean accepted. “Now tell me where to go.”

 _“Kenesaw, Nebraska. A nice little warehouse on Third and Pine. Oh, and Camptown Ladies is the password. You have to sing it. See you there,”_ Crowley said, hanging up.

_Who knew the gates of Hell were only an hour outside Lawrence? The Men of Letters, probably…_

  
Dean drove straight to Kenshaw and parallel parked in front of the abandoned warehouse. Cas needed to know what he was about to do. So, he pulled out his phone and dialed his number. But all he got was voicemail.

“Hey, Cas. I know you’re probably fighting the good fight right now. God, I hope you’re ok… But, uh, I need you at Third and Pine in Kenesaw, Nebraska. Because, um… I’m going to Hell. Yeah, you heard me. Sam’s down there with Lucifer and I… I need to go get him. Just know that I love you. Hopefully I’ll see you soon,” he said before hanging up his phone and putting it back in his pocket.

Dean approached a door at the side of the building and knocked. A slot window opened revealing a pair of deep brown eyes.

“Password?” the sultry voice said.

“Crowley sent me, alright. Just open up,” Dean said impatiently.

“Password,” the woman said, again.

“Really?” Dean asked but began to half-sing anyway, “ _Camptown ladies sign this song, do dah, do dah. Camptown race track five miles long, oh do dah day._ Alright? Just let me in.”

The woman unlocked the door and let him in.

“Nice work, Bieber,” she said.

“Yeah, you’re funny for a demon,” Dean said sarcastically.

“Not a demon. Name’s Billie,” she explained.

“The reaper Billie? My brother says you want to kill us,” Dean told her.

“Nah. I’m just gonna make sure that when you die, you stay dead. _Subtle_ difference,” she replied as she turned away from Dean.

“So what, you work for Crowley?” Dean asked.

 _“With_ , not for,” she said, grabbing a wooden box from a desk in the corner of the room. “Strange days, Winchester. Times like this, it doesn’t hurt to have the King owe you a favor.”

She handed the box to Dean. “What is it?” he asked her, taking the box.

“You’ll see,” she replied.

“Whatever... Alright, just get me where I need to go.”

“That’s the plan,” Billie said as she walked to a pair of steel doors with warding painted on them. She put her hand on one of the markings and it lit up.

The doors opened, revealing a staircase, and Dean knew this was the passage to Hell. The hunter approached the door and felt a sick feeling in his stomach. He didn’t want to go back there, not after Cas had worked so hard to get him out. But he had to. He had to for Sammy. So Dean took a deep breath, swallowed his fear, and began slowly descending down the stairs.

“Watch your step,” Billie said before closing the door. “It’s a _long_ way down.”

Dean shuddered at the sound of the metal doors closing. There was no turning back now. He took the stairs slowly. He knew he needed to get to Sam as quickly as possible, but he couldn’t make his legs move any faster. After about an hour of walking, he reached the bottom and found Crowley leaned against the dank walls of the corridor.

“Welcome to Hell,” he greeted the older Winchester.

“Where’s Sam?” Dean asked.

“Don’t worry about Sam,” the king replied.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Have you met me?” Dean asked sarcastically.

“I mean, Lucifer needs the moose. He’s not going to kill him… probably. You versus the devil? Trust me, there’s easier ways of committing suicide. We need to focus on Rowena. We need Mother to slam the devil back in his hole,” the demon explained opening the box Dean was carrying, revealing a weird spiked dream-catcher looking contraption. “It’s called a witch-catcher. Most of them were destroyed after the Inquisition, but, uh, Billie came through.”

“Yeah, she’s a peach,” Dean scoffed. “What does it do?”

Crowley smiled. “Oh, you’re gonna love this,” he winked, pulling a hex bag out of his pocket. He placed a finger on his lips, indicating that Dean needed to remain silent, and gestured for him to follow.

The king lead him down a windy hall, towards a pair of ornate doors. He motioned for Dean to stay put and went inside.

“How’s Dean?” he heard Rowena ask.

“Pardon?” the king of Hell asked, playing dumb.

“Little tip, love. The next time you go about making secret plans, check your pockets.”

“You heard?”

“Everything.”

“Not that it matters,” Dean said, entering the room, the witch-catcher in his hands.

“What does that mean, big boy?” the witch sneered.

“A little tip, Mother. Never accept a cup of tea from someone who loathes you,” Crowley said as she began to choke on her tea. She dropped the cup and saucer, both pieces of china smashing on the tile floor, and heaved over as she coughed.

Dean clamped the witch-catcher around her neck, and she screamed, “Get this bloody thing off of me!”

“I would but this bloody thing makes you my slave,” Crowley said as she scoffed at him. “Hop on one foot,” he commanded.

“Please, Fergus. I don’t know what kind of Oedipal Fifty Shades you think you’re playing at but if you think for a second…” she lectured but then began hopping against her will. “Bullocks.”

 _Well I’ll be damned,_ Dean though, no pun intended, as he watched the witch jump up and down in her high heels. “Alright, let’s do this,” he said.

They set up a table for the witch with all the necessary ingredients and she gets to work.

“So this spell is supposed to slam Lucifer back in the box? How long’s this gonna take?” Dean asked once she started mixing ingredients.

“About five minutes. Unless Sam says yes,” Rowena answered.

“And if he does?” Crowley asked.

“If Lucifer finds a vessel, he’ll be anchored to Earth. The incantation won’t work,” Rowena explained.

“And then we’re screwed,” Dean sighed.

* * *

**Cas:**

**  
** Cas was somehow transported to what appeared to be a very cluttered room inside an abandoned furniture warehouse. Clutching his stinging chest he looked around him, trying to catch his breath. A woman with beautiful springy curls and dark skin turned looked at him over the pages of her comic book.

“Hey,” she said, her voice laced with boredom. She was obviously unamused by his sudden appearance. “Your fiancé’s down there.” She pointed to a pair of metal doors.

Cas knew they were the gates of Hell, though he’d never taken them. Back when he had his wings he could simply pop in and out of the four dimensions Seraph's had access to in this universe (Earth, Heaven, Hell, and the Ethereal). The Ethereal was a lot like the spirit realm and angels used it to travel. It was where Cas kept his wings when he was tied to a human vessel, although his true form was simply that of light and energy, which is why he was able to travel through time with intense concentration. But, only Archangels could travel to other universes (under the right conditions) or temporarily manipulate reality. And even they could not create or destroy matter, just repurpose it.

Cas shook himself off and placed his hands on the symbols of the doorway, opening it, and began the long descent. Once he made it to the bottom of the stairs he turned the corner and marched towards the chambers where he knew he’d find the King of Hell. He’d been there before, unfortunately, first bargaining for Dean's soul before he rescued him. But, Hell was under a different rule then. Azazel was not as willing to compromise as Crowley seemed to be, so Cas had to take matters into his own hands regarding Dean. Remembering all this sent a chill down Cas's spine and he hoped Dean hadn't suffered too much coming back to his place of torture.

As he made his way down the corridor, a demon guard tried to stop him saying, “You’re not allowed in there.” But Cas pushed his way through the doors anyway. “I’m sorry, my lord, I tried to…” the demon stuttered.

“Cas?” Dean exclaimed, surprised.

“Oh good, your angel is here,” Crowley said, rolling his eyes.

Dean must’ve noticed Cas’s disheveled appearance because he looked at him with concern. “What happened? Are you ok?” he asked.

“Amara. She’s… she’s alive. She… she sent this message…” Cas stammered as he unbuttoned his shirt, revealing the message she had carved into his flesh, ‘I am coming.’

“I am coming?” Crowley snorted. “Is that a threat?”

“Or a promise,” Dean said his face somber.

As Cas was re-buttoning his shirt, he heard screaming coming from the other room. He turned and looked down the hall and Dean snapped to attention. “Sam?!” the older Winchester shouted as the two of them ran out the room towards the younger hunter, ignoring Crowley's shouts of protest.

They rounded the corner and found themselves in a large open room with a cage in the center. Inside the cage, Sam fell heavily against the bars of the cell as Lucifer delivered powerful blows.

“Hey, ass-butt!” Cas shouted, getting the archangel’s attention.

“Dean, and… um, the other one,” he said, snapping his fingers. Before Cas could do anything both he and Dean were on the other side of the bars. “Welcome to the party,” the devil jested. “Scared?”

“Not even a little,” Dean lied and Cas revealed his angel blade.

“Ah, ah, ah,” the devil chided. “Moments like this… It’s all about ambiance,” he said as he snapped his fingers.

From nowhere the song Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel started playing and Lucifer began to dance, mocking them. Cas looked at Dean who just shrugged, his face sheet white. The angel took a deep breath and lunged at the devil, who caught him and spun him around, whispering in his ear.

“I can beat the Darkness,” he said as Cas struggled in his grips. “Me. Only me.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Cas saw Dean rush to Sam’s side.

“Are you ok?” the older brother asked.

“Yeah,” said the younger Winchester.

“Who are those two? They’re a couple of apes! They can’t beat her. You know I’m right Castiel. You know it. Or do you want your Dean to die?” Lucifer asked, with a fake pouty face. Cas raised his arm to hit the archangel but Satan held him back. “You wanna play that way?” he asked.

Before Cas had a chance to react, the devil punched him in the face. Over and over, Lucifer wailed on Cas, knocking him against the bars of the cage. While Cas struggled to get up, Sam took ahold of the devil from behind, restraining him so that Dean could punch him in the face.

“You hit like a human,” the archangel said as he kicked Dean in the stomach, sending the man flying towards the walls of the cell.

As Lucifer punched Sam in the gut, Cas made eye contact with Dean and found a second wind. With a growl, he lunged at the devil but the archangel was quicker, decking him in the stomach, hard. He felt a fist crack across his nose and he went down, crashing against the cold metal of the cage floor. Lucifer continued to fight the Winchesters, knocking Sam beside Cas and picking Dean up by the throat.

“Alright Sam, I’m gonna make this real easy for you. You say the magic word or your brother dies... and we both know you won’t let that happen,” said Satan.

“Get off him!” Cas shouted and charged at Lucifer, freeing Dean from his clutches.

Lucifer pushed Cas up against the cage wall and repeatedly punched him in the face. Finally, Cas couldn’t take anymore and fell to the ground, the devil loomed over him, putting a foot on his angel blade.

“So last words…?” he asked, eyeing the angel closely.

“Can you really beat her?” Cas asked him quietly so that Dean and Sam couldn’t overhear.

“I can,” Lucifer whispered.

“Then, yes,” Cas said softly.

He closed his eyes and was enveloped in a white light as Lucifer took possession of his body. _For Dean,_ he thought as he faded into the background of his conscious mind, _for Dean._

* * *

**Dean:**

With a flash, Lucifer was gone. Dean rushed to Cas’s side and helped him up, tightly hugging him. The angel stiffly returned the hug. _Is he hurt?_ Dean wondered in a panic.

“Are you ok?” Dean whispered in his ear and the angel nodded. Maybe he was just shaken up. “Good. Let’s get you out of here.”

The three of them walked out of the broken cell doors. Sam was limping slightly but reassured Dean he was fine to walk on his own.

“You’re welcome… _anyone?”_ Rowena said when she saw them approach.

“Bite me,” Dean growled.

“I can make her do that,” Crowley told him and Dean shot him a deadly look. He was not in the mood.

“So, what now?” Sam asked.

“About the Darkness? No clue,” the king admitted.

“We’ll figure it out,” Dean assured them.

“Or die screaming,” Rowena said with a small chuckle.

“Well, this has been a horrible train wreck,” Crowley said. “So we’re done. Team up over.”

“What about her?” Sam asked, pointing at Rowena.

“She stays,” the demon said. “The rest of you lot… get the hell out of Hell.”

“Well you don’t have to ask me twice,” Dean said as he gestured for Cas to follow.

The three of them climbed up the stairs without a word, nobody really knowing what to say. Once the got outside, Dean noticed Cas was staring at him.

“You sure you’re ok?” he asked the angel.

“I think so,” he said. “I will be.”

Dean nodded, understanding. “Yeah, ok. Let’s go home,” he said, extending his hand for the angel to take.

“I, um, need to take care of something first. Don’t worry about me. I’ll catch up,” Cas said and Dean dropped his arm.

“Uh… Ok,” Dean said, waiting for the angel to explain. “I guess I’ll see you later then.”

“I guess you will,” the angel said as he turned and walked down the alley.

“Hey!” Dean called after him and blue eyes turned around to meet his own. “I love you.”

“Yeah, you too,” Cas said and continued walking.

When Dean got in the Impala, Sam turned to him with his puppy-dog stare. “Is he alright?” he asked.

“I don’t know…” Dean admitted. “It’s been a tough day for him.”

“Are _you_ ok?” his brother asked him.

“Man, I should be asking _you_ that,” Dean scoffed. “I’m just worried about him, you know. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle him being human… It’s hard enough for him to face this shit even with his mojo… I mean you saw him. He’s pretty shaken up.”

“We’re human and we survived,” Sam told him.

“Yeah, but just barely. And that was _with_ the help of an angel, a demon, and a witch… Maybe I’ll feel better once the Darkness is out of the way,” Dean sighed.

“We’ll beat her, Dean,” Sam assured him as they drove away. "We'll beat her."

End of chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I promise things'll get better. Promise!
> 
> Secondly, I got the idea of the Ethereal dimension from [NortherSparrow](http://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthernSparrow). She is my favorite fic write and I recommend everyone check her out! Her fic [Flight](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1749230/chapters/3737336) gives me life! (Cas has a cat named Meg!) 
> 
>  
> 
> Cas did it all for Dean!!! Watch this vid [Angel with a Shotgun](https://youtu.be/Vc3PArow5MY) for badass Cas!


	27. Love Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is entirely from Dean's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more Fall Out Boy songs to set the tone for this chapter (I really really love Fall Out Boy if you haven't figured that out by now)
> 
> [Fourth of July](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbarEloL5UI) and [Miss Missing You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTFRePZT1FI)

**Chapter 27**

Dean walked into the kitchen the next morning. Still no Cas. He had texted him the night before, asking him when he’d be home. The angel hadn’t responded so Dean assumed he was busy. Still, it was unusual for him to be gone this long without checking in.

“Why hello precious,” he said when he saw Olive, scooping her up. “Daddy-Cassie still isn’t home, is he? Well it looks like you’re gonna just have to deal with _me_ for a while.”

“So _that’s_ what you call him?” Sam asked, rounding the corner with a cup of coffee.

“No,” Dean scoffed, his face reddening. “That’s what _Olive_ calls him.”

“Uh huh,” Sam laughed, taking a sip from his mug. “Don’t worry, I’m sure _Daddy-Cassie_ will be home soon.”

“I swear to god, Sam. If you even _mention_ that to Cas…” Dean warned him, his face serious. Or as serious as one could be holding a small kitten.

“Look, Dean. I’m sure he’s fine. I don’t want you and, um… Olive to worry so much,” Sam told him, his face all concern.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Dean said, kissing Olive between her ears and setting her down on the floor. “Are you doing ok? How long have you been up?”

“I’m fine. Couldn’t sleep, but I’m fine,” Sam answered as he leaned against the counter.

“Same,” Dean admitted, pouring himself some coffee. “I think I found us another case. We can’t just sit here twiddling our thumbs until Cas comes home.” He pulled a newspaper article out of his back pocket. “Harold Miller, 65. A resident of Oak Park, an old folks' home, was found yesterday in his room with his head bashed in. But get this… the doors were locked and there was no sign of break-in. So, what? Ghost? Demonic possession? I figure it's worth a look... Oh, and best part is Oak Park is only fifteen minutes from here. It's practically in our backyard.”

“Yeah sure,” Sam agreed with a small shrug.

An hour and a half later, they pulled up to the retirement home. It was nice. Someplace Dean could picture himself retiring with Cas. He sighed, sadly hunters rarely lived to see old age. Every hunter he knew had died on the job. Even the veterans like Bobby and Rufus.

In the lobby the manager told Dean that he was walking past Mr. Miller’s room when he heard a loud banging noise and the resident shouting for something to get out of his head. When he used his pass key to unlock his door, he found him with his skull smashed in. He even checked the security logs. As he was telling his story, another resident greeted them and stared at Dean long enough to make him uncomfortable. He smiled and nodded, hoping that if he ignored her she’d go away. She did eventually, but not before giving his body an obvious look-over. _Yeah, Betty White, not interested._

Sam came back from investigating Harold’s room and Dean thanked the manager for his time. The brothers went to the dining room to talk in private. It turned out the victim was stealing other resident’s Viagra. A real dick move if you asked Dean. When Sam wasn’t looking Dean pocketed a bottle of the blue pills. He was curious what kind of effect they’d have on a man in his thirties.

In the residents’ files, the boys found out that another resident had sued Mr. Miller for stealing his pension money. They figured this guy must’ve come back as a vengeful spirit so went to salt and burn his bones later that night. _Case closed._

The next morning, Sam got a call from the retirement home. Apparently the manager Dean had been talking to was staying there overnight since his wife left him, and he was the next victim. Not only that, but Mildred, the woman who had checked out Dean, was a witness. Saw the whole thing happen. She told them she saw a ghost feeding on his head and the brothers said they believed her. She was so thrilled she grabbed Dean’s arm to thank him, effectively holding him captive. The older Winchester turned to his brother for help, but a housekeeper caught his brother's eye. She appeared to be listening to their entire conversation. Sam excused himself to talk to the woman, abandoning Dean with the resident.

When his brother came back, Mildred walked away, leaving the brothers to talk. They concluded that what she saw was definitely not a ghost. They didn’t eat people’s brains. Dean seriously hoped it was zombies. After a call to the coroner, to Dean’s disappointment, the boys figured out the victims were attacked by a banshee. According to the lore, the only people who can hear a banshee’s screams were it’s prey, and they travel through mist to feast on the vulnerable. Since the only way to kill it was with a gold blade, and because they only hunted at night, the Winchesters decided to split up. Sam would stay and interview vulnerable residents to figure out the thing’s next victim, and Dean would go back to the bunker to get a gold blade. The Men of Letters probably had one in their arsenal.

At the bunker, Dean ran into Cas in the library. His coat and jacket were off and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up. Not a normal look for him outside the bedroom. Olive was nowhere in sight.

“Hey, babe,” Dean said as he entered the room. “Where have you been?”

“I told you, I was busy. I’m sorry,” Cas said, his tone off. He was probably not feeling well after his fight with Lucifer.

“Ok. W-what are you doing?” Dean asked, gesturing to the pile of books on the table.

“Well, I'm... Looking for a spell, something to draw Amara out, but there's nothing… I had her in my sights. She was hurt. I should have ended it,” Cas sighed.

“What happened? What spell?” Dean asked him, walking closer to his fiancé.

“Well, I don't know. But there has to be something. I mean, how many more chances are we gonna get?” the angel asked.

“Yeah, I know,” Dean admitted. “Saying you’re gonna kill her is one thing, but actually doing it is something totally different…”

Cas looked at his suspiciously, squinting his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Dean sighed. “Look, babe, I don’t even know where to start.”

“Dean…” Cas said looking in his eyes intently. “Tell me.”

“We’re connected somehow… by the Mark,” Dean admitted.

“Yes,” Cas said, looking pensive. “She told me.”

“Well did she tell you… Did she tell you… we, uh, kissed?” Dean managed to choke out.

“Dean… She explained that she has some sort of control over you. That your… bond acts as some sort of spell. I know you didn’t mean it,” he said to him, his tone flatter than normal. Dean wondered if he was angry with him.

“Baby, I’m so sorry…” Dean cried. “I don't know that I can stop it… Whatever this is...  I don't know that I can resist it… I’m scared of her, babe. And I’m scared of losing you…”

“Hey, she scares me, too. But we’ll figure this thing out together. I promise. In the end, it may help draw her out. This could be a good thing,” Cas said putting his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean looked down at his fiancé’s hand. _Wrong shoulder!_ his brain screamed, but he ignored it. Just because Cas normally touched him where his hand print used to be, didn’t mean that something was wrong if he suddenly decided to touch his other arm. He was just being paranoid.

Before he had a chance to think too much on it, Sam called him.

“Sam?” Dean asked.

_“Dean, look up Edward Dublin II.”_

“Wait. What?” Dean asked, confused.

_“In the Men of Letters’ files. The housekeeper I talked to earlier, Eileen, she says she’s another legacy.”_

Dean and Cas began flipping through the record of membership.

“Well, son of a bitch. She ain’t lying,” Dean said, looking at the man’s picture. “According to the Men of Letters' records, Edward Durbin II was part of a small delegation that was sent to Europe.”

_“Yeah, her father had just lost his job. He had a nervous breakdown.”_

“So he was vulnerable.”

_“Right. And her mom only knew some basic spells. She used one to banish the Banshee. Saved Eileen's life. Dean, the Banshee we're hunting is the same one that killed her parents.”_

“Alright. What's the plan?” Dean sighed.

_“Well, we're gonna use the same Celtic spell Eileen used to trap me... Long story. When the Banshee comes for Mildred tonight, we trap it. And we hit it with gold.”_

“Yeah, but I don't like using Mildred as bait,” Dean admitted.

 _“Got a little crush on the old lady?”_ Sam joked.

“I just don’t like using sweet old ladies to draw out monsters, is all. If anything, _she’s_ the one with the crush...”

_“Look, I’m not a fan of using anyone as bait. But this is the best we’ve got.”_

“Ok. On my way,” Dean said as he hung up. He turned to Cas who was watching him intently. “Hey, I’ve got to get back to it. See you later tonight?”

“Maybe. I’ve got more stuff to do,” Cas said.

“Ok, just let me know what you’re up to,” Dean said pulling him in for a surprisingly awkward hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the Amara thing… I love you.”

“You too, Dean,” Cas said, patting him on the back as the pulled apart. “Don’t worry about Amara. Next time you face her, you won’t be alone.”

“Thanks, babe,” Dean said, smiling at him before he left the room.

Later that night, the banshee came for him, not Mildred. They stopped it, of course, with Eileen’s help. On their way out, he and the older woman chatted while Sam talked to the brunette hunter. Dean chuckled to himself. She and his baby brother had been flirting all night.

“Cute aren’t they?” Mildred asked him as they watched Eileen and Sam chat.

“Yeah,” Dean smirked. “I hope he gets her number, or whatever. I’m tired of him being a third wheel.”

“Well, I don't know who the lucky lady is, but I am damn sure jealous,” the woman said.

“Not a lady. His name’s Cas. We’re engaged,” Dean admitted.

“You don’t sound so sure about that,” she said, her face concerned.

“Yeah, well, we’ve kinda hit a rough patch,” he said.

“But you love him, right?” she asked.

“I do,” Dean said.

“Then you fight for that love. Honey, follow your heart. It’s the only thing in this life worth living for,” the older woman said to him, giving him a small smile.

Back at the bunker, Cas was gone. So Dean fed the cat and went to sleep. It had been a long day. As he laid awake in bed, the events of the day rushed through his head. Why would Cas suggest Dean be used as bait to draw out Amara? Not that Dean was against the plan, just that his fiancé normally tried to keep him _out_ of danger, not push him back in. Maybe that’s why he was feeling vulnerable? Maybe that’s why the banshee attacked him? His relationship was failing for no apparent reason and he was unsure how to stop it. How could things be just fine one week and completely chaotic the next? He wanted to believe Mildred was right, about love being worth the fight, but love was a two way street and Cas wasn’t pulling his weight lately.

* * *

Five days later, Cas still hasn’t returned. At least he was sending him daily updates, even if they were just a sentence or two. Dean had tried calling him once or twice, but both times the angel didn’t have time to chat, although he assured Dean he was fine and that he had nothing to worry about. So why was Dean still worried?

He was playing with Olive, trying to teach the kitten how to fetch a felt ball, when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

“Hey Claire! Your Caddyshack review is way overdue…”

_“Dean, hey... I tried calling Cas but he didn’t answer. He hasn’t been texting me either.”_

“Yeah, I guess he’s busy,” he sighed.

_“I guess. Look, I need your help... I’m working a case and…”_

“Not a problem, Claire. You don’t have to explain. We’ll be there.”

_“Thanks, Dean.”_

“Stay out of trouble until we get there, kid.” he said as he hung up.

Dean immediately dialed Cas’s number. He answered right before it went to voicemail.

_“Dean.”_

“Hey, Claire needs us in South Dakota. How quickly can you meet us there?”

_“Oh, I can’t baby. Still busy.”_

“Baby? You never call me baby?” Dean asked, confused.

_“I don’t?”_

“No…?”

_“Well I do now… Look, can you handle it without me?”_

“Man, she’s your daughter! Maybe you don’t have time for me anymore but you always make time for her,” Dean argued.

_“She’s not my daughter, Dean.”_

“Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? You know what? I don’t have time for your shit right now. Claire needs me,” he said hanging up.

Six hours later the Winchesters pulled into Jody’s driveway. She and Alex weren’t home when Claire greeted them.

“Hey, kiddo, how’s it going?” Dean asked, giving her a tight hug. Just because Cas was being an asshole, didn’t mean Dean had to take it out on her. After all, he meant it when he told him he thought of her as his daughter.

“Alright,” she answered, returning the hug. “Where’s Cas?”

“Couldn’t make it. I’m sorry,” Dean admitted as they broke the hug.

“He told me the news. Congratulations!” she said, giving him a wide smile.

“So you guys texted quite a bit, huh? And then he just stopped?” Dean asked.

“Yeah. He hasn’t texted me at all in about two weeks. I was pretty worried about him, you know?” Claire answered.

“Me too,” Dean admitted.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” she said. “Come in you guys.”

Claire lead the two of them to the couch.

“So, other than the hunting biz, what’ve you been up to? Going to school?” Dean asked.

“Nah. Dropped out of college,” Claire said.

“Well, it ain’t for everyone. You working? Like a real job?”

“Hunting mostly,” she admitted.

“Claire… Jody did you a huge solid by taking you in...”

“I know but,” Claire sighed, crossing her arms. “I was kinda hoping that if I proved myself at hunting, you guys would let me live at the bunker.”

Their conversation was cut short by Jody and Alex returning home. As soon as she saw them, Sheriff Mills invited them to stay for dinner, which the boys graciously accepted.

“So I take it you guys are here for more than my cooking?” Jody asked as they began eating.

“Yeah, not exactly a social call,” Dean admitted, taking an extra large scoop of mashed potatoes.

“I called them about the monsters,” Claire admitted. “The ones you refuse to believe are actually monsters. Three people are missing!”

“There’s no evidence that they didn’t skip town on their own!” Jody lectured, as if they’d had this conversation before.

“Guys, there's something out there. People are reporting animals they've never seen before, things stalking their front yards that disappear…” Claire explained.

“Well, we’ve hunted on less,” Sam said with a shrug.

“Ok, what else you got?” Dean asked, taking a large bit of his roll.

“Uh, I'm working on it,” Claire said.

“Claire did catch a werewolf. Oh right! Turned out to be a German shepherd with rabies,” Alex teased.

“And before that was the _vampire_... Councilwoman into erotic cosplay. I didn't know what cosplay was before that. Super embarrassing for the whole force,” Jody explained.

“Wow. You've been busy,” Dean said.

“I've been hunting,” said the blonde girl.

“AKA menacing innocent people! Claire has a whole string of assaults racked up. The only reason she's not sitting in jail right now is that I'm the sheriff!” Jody added.

“Fine, I've been wrong. But this time, I _know_ there's a monster,” Claire swore.

It turned out, Claire was right. There was something fishy going on. The custodian at Alex’s school, as well as her prom king boyfriend, were both vampires. Jody, Claire, and Alex were kidnapped by the vamps. They wanted revenge on Alex from when she used to run with her old nest. She’d bait humans in so the vamps she lived with could eat. In exchange they kept her fed and sheltered. She’d been living that way since she was a little girl. And just when she thought she was out, her past came back to haunt her.

If the case had showed them anything, it was that Claire was too inexperienced to be hunting on her own. Although she was able to hold her own fairly well, she was gonna get hurt, or worse, without the proper training. Dean had to talk to Jody about it.

“So, what’s it like being a mom again? You probably have your hands full with two teenage girls,” he asked her once they got back to the house.

“Yeah, but I’m not their mom. I didn’t raise them,” Jody sighed.

“Maybe we can talk to Claire. Get her to help out more. Be a more productive member of society.”

“You know, she dropped out of school, she doesn’t have a job… or friends. She spends all her time scouring for cases and reading lore… I've got nothing against hunting. But if she's hiding in it, because she doesn't have anything else? I'm just… worried about her being so alone.”

“Well she’ll always have me and Cas,” Dean said, wincing a little when he mentioned Cas’s name.

“She talks about wanting to live with you guys… not that I don’t enjoy having her. It’s just… I’m kinda thinking it’d be good for her. She needs a mentor and I can’t exactly provide her that.”

“If she’s gonna keep hunting, I’d rather her do it with us,” Dean told her.

“You guys really care about her, don’t you?” the sheriff asked.

“Like she was my own,” Dean admitted.

So it was decided, after a long and heartfelt goodbye, that Claire would be returning with Sam and Dean back to Kansas.

“Text me,” she said to Alex before she got in the Impala. The girls seemed to be on good terms, for once.

“You ready to go home?” Dean asked her, meeting her blue eyes in the rear view. _Cas’s eyes._

End of chapter 27

* * *

Cas's shoulder touching habit:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casifer is sending Dean updates so that he doesn't become suspicious, but methinks Dean is still very suspicious.
> 
> Also, my kitten does play fetch. Just saying.


	28. Castiel

### Chapter 28

**Dean:**

Cas had been gone almost a month. He still texted Dean daily updates and they had short phone calls weekly, but the hunter was starting to worry. Was this the end of their relationship? He tried not to think of it, as he had other things to deal with. Claire and Olive were a handful as it was.

“How’re my two favorite girls doing?” Dean asked when he found Claire playing with the kitten in the library. Last time they went to the store she’d insisted on picking up a laser pointer. And Olive was stalking the little red dot, her little rear wiggling before she pounced her prey.

“You’re such a sap,” Claire said without looking up from their game.

Dean just shrugged and continued to watch the two play. Whenever Claire moved the laser up to the ceiling, Olive would make little chirping noises at it, as if attempting to lure it down. Dean would be lying if he said it wasn’t the cutest thing he’d ever seen. Not that he’d say it out loud, mind you.

“Have you heard from Cas today?” Claire asked, turning her attention to Dean.

He looked down at her still crouched on the floor, “We’ve been playing Words With Friends. That’s about as much contact as we’ve had in weeks.”

“People still play that?” Claire asked, wrinkling her nose. “God you’re old.”

“Yeah, well, he’s older,” Dean clarified. “Kicking my ass actually.” He scoffed and crossed his arms. He’d been losing horribly to the angel.

“Well he’s like a billion years old and knows every language ever,” Claire shrugged, but gave Dean a sad side smile anyway. He knew she missed him a lot more than she was willing to admit.

“Hey, I’m sure he’ll be home soon,” Dean assured her, not really believing the words himself.

Claire just nodded and continued to tease the cat. Dean let her be and walked to the kitchen. They were out of coffee so he grabbed a beer. Sam walked in as he was cracking it open and gave him a disapproving look.

“What am I supposed to drink, water?” Dean scoffed, not wanting to have to explain himself. He was pretty sure his brother had finished off the last of the coffee and it was _his_ fault he was drinking before noon if that were the case.

Sam just shrugged and directed Dean’s attention to the laptop he was carrying. “Did you know the Nazis had a special branch devoted to archaeology?”

“Little early for Nazi trivia, especially without caffeine,” Dean gruffed, pinching the bridge of his nose. His nerd brother needed a better hobby. A girlfriend maybe.

“It's called the ‘Ahnenerbe.’” There were sites all over Germany and then as the Nazis increased their territory. They started popping in Poland, Finland, uh, North Africa…”

“Yeah, how is this more important than our coffee situation?” Dean asked, gesturing to the empty coffee pot with his beer bottle.

“'Cause I found something,” Sam explained. “I mean, we need something. Magic. A weapon strong enough to give us a shot against Amara. So, I've been looking outside the lore in history. And I found this, the Vichy Memorandems. They were Nazi communications that puzzle historians to this day. And they speak of a super weapon obtained by the Ahnenerbe, said to be strong enough to win the war. Well, these memos refer to it as ‘The Hand of God.’ I mean, that was sort of a catch all term for several objects he touched on Earth in Biblical times. But they're believed to contain traces of his power.”

“Yeah, well… the Nazis believed a lot of thing,” Dean said skeptically.

Sam sighed and made a shar pei face. “Dean, Lucifer's caged. God's MIA… The only beings strong enough to battle Amara are gone. If we're gonna fight her, what better way to arm up than with an actual dose of _his_ power?”

Dean was still skeptical. “Ok, so you said the Nazis got their hands on one of these, uh, hands, right? Well if it was so powerful it could win them the war, why didn’t it?” Dean asked, raising his beer as if he’d won the argument.

“Because they lost it. En route to Berlin, it was stolen. The Nazis searched high and low for the thief but they never found their prime suspect… Uh, here-” Sam said, pointing to the laptop screen. “Delphine Seydoux. French mistress to a high-ranking Nazi. Thought to be a French traitor… Till she killed her German lover and made off with the weapon.”

Dean was suddenly interested. “Allied spy? French resistance?” he asked. He’d never admit it, but he was just a big a WWII geek as his brother.

“That's what the Nazis thought. But their investigation led them to a different conclusion. That she was an ‘une femme de lettre,’” Sam explained and Dean just looked at him. He didn’t fucking speak French. His brother noticed his blank expression and reiterated, “A Woman of Letters.”

The brothers quickly went to the library to do more research, kicking the girl and cat out so they could work. Claire grumbled something about dropping out of school so she wouldn’t have to do homework, and Dean shouted, “I heard that!” before chuckling to himself. Claire was so much like he was at her age that he often forgot she wasn’t _actually_ part of the family. _Family don’t end with blood,_ he reminded himself. No, Claire was most definitely part of the family. She was an honorary Winchester, same as Cas.

After about an hour of searching, Sam found some old WWII transcripts that they quickly ran through the translation program Charlie had set up for them, since neither of them read French. Dean sighed when he thought of Charlie. She was a part of their little family too, the sister he never had. He missed her. She and Kevin were the only other people on the planet besides Claire and Cas that he’d felt comfortable sharing their home with. And both were gone because of him. Kevin because he’d allowed an angel to possess his brother, even if it did save his life, and Charlie because of the stupid Mark of Cain. He knew all too well that his brother and his angel blamed themselves for both deaths, each man feeling it was their fault. Self loathing, it was the Winchester way.

“Huh,” Sam said, crashing Dean’s pity party. “So it's definitely about Delphine. Her name's at the top of every page. Look at this... They were making arrangements to get the artifact out of Europe to keep it safe. Henshaw pulled some strings with a Man of Letters in the OSS to requisition an active US submarine to transport Delphine and the weapon back to the States. Back to here.”

“The Bunker?” Dean asked and Sam nodded. “So it’s been here the whole time?”

Sam did a quick Google search. “No. It never arrived. The USS Bluefin came under German attack midway through its trip across the Atlantic. The sub was sunk. The ship and its contents haven't been recovered to this day. Great... It's lost,” he sighed.

“Or is it?” Dean smirked.

Sam looked confused. “Yeah, I’d say so,” he gestured to the computer screen. “I mean, tides took the wreckage. Submersibles have been trying to locate it for years. If James Cameron and his Avatar billions can't find it…”

“Yeah, but we have something James Cameron doesn't have,” Dean said smugly. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Cas’s number.

 _“Hello Dean,”_ came a gruff voice over the speaker.

“Hey, Cas. How you doing?”

_“Oh, the usual.”_

“Ok? Great. Um, how close are you to the bunker?” Dean asked him

_“I can be there in a couple hours if need be.”_

“Yeah, well, we think we’ve found something that’ll help us stop Amara. But we need your help. Can you still time-travel?”

_“Yes of course… Why?”_

“We need to retrieve something from World War Two… The Hand of God…” Dean explained.

 _“On my way,”_ Cas said as he hung up.

Dean stared at the phone. It’d been a couple of weeks since the angel had told him he loved him. He’d been too chicken-shit to ask if they were still a couple, but now that Cas was coming to the bunker for the first time in… well, forever… Dean would have to confront him about it. He didn’t want to bring up the uncomfortable topic but It was better than drinking himself to sleep every night. A bottle of Jack was now Dean’s only sleeping companion. He wasn’t even sure his memory foam remembered that Cas once warmed his bed. Dean shivered thinking of how cold his first few weeks without the angel had been. After months of his angel never leaving his side, he’d been feeling rather lonely in the days following Cas’s sudden absence. He just couldn’t keep living in relationship limbo like this. He had to know.

Cas arrived at the bunker several hours later and Dean was the first to greet him. When Claire had figured out he was coming, she promptly scooped up Olive in her arms and ran off to her room. Dean figured she’d been abandoned by too many father figures in her life and that she was pretty pissed at Cas for ignoring her. If Dean was being honest with himself, he was pretty pissed at the angel too.

“Hey,” Dean said as the angel walked into the map room. “Before we get started, can I talk to you? In private?”

“Uh… Sure Dean,” Cas stammered as he followed Dean to their room, if it even was still _theirs_.

Dean closed the door to give them a little more privacy and looked at his angel’s blue eyes. “What the fuck are we anymore?” he sighed.

“I’m sorry?”

“I mean, what are we doing, man?” Dean clarified, gesturing between them. “You know… us… are we even… do you still want to…” He trailed off. He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Are you asking if I still want to be with you?” Cas asked, tilting his head.

Dean sighed. “Man, I asked you to marry me… And then you pull this stunt. We got a cat like you wanted and you never see her… Claire is living here for fuck’s sake! The old you would have… I dunno… You’ve changed, Cas… I don’t like it.”

“Dean, how could you say that?” Cas asked him. “I’ve just been busy. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you.” The angel approached him and grabbed his hand.

Dean looked down at their joined fingers. “I want to believe you… It’s just-”

Cas kissed him. “What would it take for you to believe me?” he asked, rubbing his hands up and down his arms.

When Dean didn’t answer, Cas began kissing him again, harder and more desperate. He lead the hunter to the bed and pushed him onto it, crumpling in a heap on top of him. Dean gave in and began tugging at Cas’s shirt when suddenly the angel sat up and backed off of him.

“No,” he growled. “Not Dean.” The angel was shuddering and repeating the words under his breath.

“Cas?” Dean asked, confused. Cas appeared to be having some sort of Gollum moment, arguing with himself or some shit.

Cas recomposed himself and gave Dean a small reassuring smile. “Sorry about that… I guess I’m just not ready to move so quickly again… Let’s continue this after we retrieve the Hand of God, shall we?”

* * *

  **Sam:**

Dean and Cas had barely been gone five minutes when Cas walked into the library sopping wet.

“Cas? Why're you… Wait a second, where's Dean?”

“We made the leap. He got on. I didn’t… I couldn’t make it past the hull,” Cas explained.

His trench coat was soaked and he was dripping water all over the floor. So Sam rushed to get him a towel. He was pretty sure the angel could dry himself off with his mojo, as Dean called it. But time-travel was hard on him and he didn’t want to over-strain his powers.

“Someone must've warded the ship!” Cas growled as he took off his wet coat and threw it on the floor, much to Sam’s distaste.

“Delphine? It has to be… I mean she's protecting the weapon, right? Cas, just go back to their last port before she boarded! Leave a message so Dean knows!” Sam pleaded.

“Where? Where would Dean see it that the crew wouldn't? He's as likely to find the warding as he is any message I'd leave,” he said as he dried himself off.

“Then send me,” Sam said solemnly. “You got Dean past the hull.”

“Right. We'll double down on what screwed us the first time. You're really bringing your A ideas today,” Cas grunted, annoyed.” I can't believe I lost it… _Him_. Can't believe I lost Dean. Well, it's up to him now to find and clear the warding.”

“No. We can help,” Sam said pulling out a book. “There's gotta be something in magic or angel lore. Some way to clear the sigils from the outside. Cas, don't worry. We'll bring him back.”

He looked at the angel with sincerity as he opened the spell book. No way was he gonna let his future brother in law give up that easily. Just fifteen minutes later, Sam found something.

“Look at this!” Sam said excitedly. “The spell of gathering… It's an incantation used to focus the power of celestial beings - angels - against all drawn forms of evasion. The spell is designed to clear all mystical or occult blockages. I mean this is highly theoretical magic… It's never been used before but it sounds like it could work… We’ve got all the ingredients but… That’s why it’s never been used before, it requires the power of an archangel…” Sam shut the book. If only Gabriel were still around.

“Well, Sam, we might as well try,” Cas said, looking at him with sincere eyes.

“We don’t have time for long shots, Cas,” Sam sighed. “Even at full power you’re not strong enough. I’m gonna go get Claire. See if she can help us dig something up.”

He knew she didn’t want to be in the same room as him, but they really needed her help. Despite claiming to hate the “homework” portion of hunting, she was actually quite good at it. When he and Claire returned to the library, Olive (who was following at Claire’s heels) hissed and ran out of the room. Sam was just about to wonder what had gotten into her when he saw Cas mixing the ingredients for the spell.

“Are you nuts? You're not strong enough Cas, you could get hurt!” Sam lectured him as he chopped what appeared to be some sort of root vegetable.

“Eww is that a brain?” Claire asked, spotting the organ on the cutting board.

“You find a better option?” Cas grunted, ignoring Claire.

“Well, no, but… without a serious boost to your angel power, that spell won't even work!” Sam pleaded with him. No way was he risking Cas. Dean would never forgive him.

“My strength may surprise you,” Cas said flatly.

“Wait a second. I remember Bobby told me when you needed strength to retrieve us from the past you used him to power up. You touched his soul, right?” Sam asked.

“That's right, I did that,” Cas replied, squinting his eyes. “But that procedure can be fatal.”

“Use my soul,” Sam said after a moment. “That way maybe you'll have enough power to wield the spell.” It was worth the risk to get Dean back safe. He’d do the same for him.

“That isn't necessary,” Cas sighed.

“What? Sam… No,” Claire protested.

“Dean needs our help,” he said to Claire and then turned to Cas. “I trust you.” He did. He trusted the angel with both of their lives.

Without warning, the angel started to laugh. And not a regular Cas snicker. A full bodied, head thrown back, laugh. The kind only Dean could expel from him. He looked at Claire who looked just as confused as he did.

“What?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s just… I don’t need you anymore,” Cas said, his voice pitched higher than normal. “I mean, Dean's the one with the link to Amara… Why have I been trying to spare you? Maybe it's because you're like the girl who kept turning me down at the prom.”

He took Sam by the collar and slammed him against one of the bunker’s support columns. Claire shouted at him and attempted to help Sam but she was knocked aside.

“I will touch your soul. Just because you asked so nicely and I'll use your spell to blast through the warding and retrieve Dean and the, uh, Hand of God. And then when Dean comes back and he finds this place decorated with your guts, I will tell him the truth, Sam. I'll just say,” he then pitched his voice low and gravely and made a dramatically puppy-dog face “‘Dean… he knew the risks. He wouldn't take no for an answer.’”

And that’s when Sam knew. This wasn’t Cas. It hadn’t been for some time.

“Lucifer,” he gasped.

“In the flesh,” he said with a wink.

Just then, Claire came up behind him with the angel blade Dean had given her and put it to his throat.

“Back off,” she growled.

But the devil was quicker. He knocked her to the ground and head the blade above her, ready to sink it in. But he faltered and his expression changed. He took a step back from the girl.

“Hello Castiel,” he grunted, struggling for control.

Sam watched in horror as the angel grunted and struggled. Finally, he moved over Claire again.

“No!” Sam shouted, lunging at the angel.

“Claire, Sam, it’s me,” Cas said, his voice strained. He put out his hand for Claire to take, helping her up.

She looked dazed. “Cas?” she asked and he nodded.

“Why did you…?” Sam asked him.

“I wanted to be of service to the fight. And only Lucifer can beat her,” he explained in a grunt, his breathing rapid.

“You chose this? You have to fight, Cas! Eject him now!” Sam shouted.

“I can't!” Cas grunted “It's taking all my strength to keep him from killing you. And besides, we need him!”

“No Cas, we don't. We'll find another way to stop Amara!” Sam pleaded.

Cas shook his head. “We need him to save Dean.”

Sam understood. “You can’t time travel.”

“Only Lucifer can,” Cas explained.

“No! Don’t!” Claire shouted, still too dazed to move.

“Claire, I’m sorry,” Cas said as he relinquished control to the devil.

“I’ll finish you two off later,” Lucifer promised them as he finished the spell. “It’ll be much more fun with the whole family present.”

With a few spell words, the bowl glowed purple and the archangel felt satisfied enough to try and travel to Dean again. A second later, he came back with him in tow.

“Dean! That’s not Cas! It’s Lucifer!” Claire shouted.

* * *

**Dean:**

Dean looked at his fiancé who just kinda shrugged and smiled, “Cat’s out!”

With the flip of his wrists, all three hunters were pinned to opposite walls.

“I feel a burden lifted. You know, this whole - deep cover thing, pretending to be in love with you - it just wasn't… It wasn't terribly well thought out. Donning this… this Cas mask? This grim face of angelic constipation? It just, ugh. And then, teaming up with you and your brother. I mean, I thought you boys were insufferable as mortal enemies, but working with you. Having to text _yucky wittle wov messages_ to Deano each and every day. Now, that's the soul crusher,” Lucifer mocked him. “Why the faces, guys? You should be cheering. We have a common enemy. With the Hand of God she will be no problem. I mean, I will have killed you by then, but still…”

He unwrapped the Hand of God from it’s protective wrappings and Dean yelled out. He saw what it could do. It had consumed Delphine and an entire WWII sub. He wasn’t about to let this monster destroy Cas. But nothing happened. It was a dud.

“Well, who'd've thought the Hand of God would turn out to be a one-hitter?” Dean sighed, happy it didn’t destroy them.

Before the devil could make another move, Claire placed her hand on the angel-banishing sigil she had made on the wall behind her and Lucifer disappeared. Dean had never been so thankful to have spent the whole month training the young hunter. He was glad she insisted on a couple hours each day, otherwise they all would have been toast.

A couple of hours later, Claire found him in his room, trying to drown himself in alcohol.

“You wanna talk about it?” she asked him. When Dean didn’t respond she continued. “I can’t really know how hard this has been on you, but for me, seeing yet another impostor wearing my dad’s face…”

Dean hadn’t thought of it that way. “I’m so sorry Claire…” he said genuinely.

She laughed humorously. “It’s funny, I should be more upset that my dad’s body… Jimmy’s body… is being possessed by Satan… But I’m more worried about Cas,” she admitted.

Dean was too drunk to care so he decided to just say it. “You’re like a daughter to us Claire. As far as Cas is concerned, he _is_ your dad,” he explained.

Claire walked up to him and took the bottle out of his hand, setting it on the nightstand. She then sat down on the bed next to him and Dean pulled her close as she began to cry. When she noticed all the commotion, Olive made her way across the bed and sat in Claire’s lap. The three of them took comfort in each other, safe in the knowledge that they were all in the same boat. They all loved Castiel.

End of chapter 28


	29. Hell's Angel

### Chapter 29

It had been three months and still no sign of Cas… well Lucifer, or Amara. Not that Dean really missed the whole ‘daily updates from the devil pretending to be your fiancé’ thing but he certainly missed the blind ignorance that came with not knowing that Satan was possessing the man he loved. Not that he _liked_ worrying that their relationship was in jeopardy, mind you, it was just better than the Twilight Zone reality he was living in now.

He took Claire to a wrestling match to give Sammy some privacy on his case with Eileen. It was meant to be kind of a ‘father/daughter’ outing with his ‘not exactly my daughter but close enough’ but it ended up being a case, because he just couldn’t catch a break, could he? At least Sam seemed happy. After _his_ case he couldn’t stop texting the other hunter.

The rest of the month had been pretty stressful. He somehow met Bobby outside of time in a Soul Eater’s lair. _That_ one was weird. Oh, and Sam almost died. Long story… All in all, it had been one of the longest months of his life. And that was _before_ he got the call from Crowley.

“What do you want?” he asked when his phone rang.

 _“I found it. Another Hand of God,”_ said Crowley.

“And?”

_“Are you not hearing me? I said I have in my possession the solution to our collective problems. You should be doing a jig.”_

“I don't jig. Now, how do I know you even escaped Lucifer and he's not making you say all this?” Dean scoffed, taking another sip of his morning coffee.

_“Honestly, you cynicism is depressing. Why would Lucifer force me to discuss the very means of his destruction? Don’t tell me you haven't been searching for this thing.”_

Right then, Olive jumped up in his lap. The kitten always seemed to know when he was upset. She calmed him down slightly. “Of course we have,” Dean admitted.

 _“Thought as much. St. Louis. The old post office on Beekman,”_ the king of Hell said, hanging up.

So against their better judgement, the two brothers set off to St. Louis. They left Claire at home with Olive. She was becoming an adequate hunter but he still didn’t trust Crowley enough to deem it safe for her to come.

“Nice digs,” Dean said sarcastically when he spotted Crowley inside the abandoned post office.

“I'm lucky to be alive. Lucifer had me trussed up like a dog in my own palace,” the demon explained.

“Palace? Oh, you mean the abandoned nuthouse,” Dean clarified, not in the mood for the king’s dramatics.

“He kept me in a kennel!” he shouted and Dean couldn’t help but smile. He knew it wasn’t Cas but still, the thought of someone who even looked like Cas torturing Crowley like that was amusing. “And he turned all his demons... _my_ demons... against me. They scour the earth, day and night, looking to kill me. He _has_ to be dealt with.”

“So is this why you brought us here? Some lousy grudge match with Lucifer?” Dean scoffed.

“Where's this, uh, Hand of God you were talking about?” Sam cut in.

“I'm getting to that…” the demon said. “Your only hope of subduing Amara is to match the level of power that she possesses.”

“No kidding. And?” Dean asked, annoyed.

“And I have the Horn of Joshua. _And_ I'm willing to entrust it to your capable hands,” he said while Dean and Sam exchanged skeptical looks. “What? I just said I'd give you the thing.”

“Yeah, _if?”_ Dean asked. There had to be a catch.

“Is this how you say ‘thank you?’ You think these things grow on _bloody trees?!”_ Crowley shouted.

“Cut the crap, Crowley. With you, there's always an ‘if,’” Dean said, crossing his arms.

“Fine. I will give you the Horn _if_ you help me exorcise Lucifer from Castiel's vessel and then return him immediately to the Cage,” the king explained.

“Oh is that all?” Dean asked sarcastically. Cas had been a sore subject as of late. He typically lashed out at anyone who even so much as _mentioned_ his fiancé.

Sam sighed. “Crowley, even if we could exorcise Lucifer out of Cas, the Cage is damn near impenetrable. It took a spell from the Book of the Damned to spring Lucifer and Rowena hid the book.”

“Did I say this would be easy? No. I did not,” the demon sassed.

“Do you even know where Rowena is?” the younger Winchester asked.

“Rotting somewhere, I assume. Lucifer snapped her neck,” Crowley told them.

But Dean still wasn’t happy with the plan. “Hold on, okay?” he interrupted them. “Let's just put it in reverse. We will put Lucifer back in the Cage _after_ we put Amara back on ice. It has to happen in that order, otherwise there is no _Lucifer,_ there's no _Cage,_ there's no _nothing.”_

“He's spent _years_ marinating in hate against us! He has to go,” the demon said.

“He's been down this road with Amara before. He might be the only one powerful enough to use the Horn against her,” Dean argued.

“He had me cleaning the floors with my _tongue!_ He called me ‘puppy!’ He made me beg!” Crowley shouted, getting louder with each sentence.

“All right. Come on. Is this what this is about? Huh? Your stupid ego? The fact that he dissed you in front of a bunch of stupid demons? You're smarter than this. _Come on!”_ Dean pleaded.

“Dean's right. Priority is to put the Horn in Lucifer's hands and set him loose on Amara,” Sam agreed.

 _“After_ we exorcise Lucifer out of Cas and put him into a new vessel,” Dean said matter-of-factly.

Sam turned towards his brother. “What? Really?”

“Yes, really,” Dean scoffed. “We're _not_ gonna send Lucifer into battle inside Cas. What if he doesn't make it?”

“Dean, it's a strong vessel. It's held Cas for years. I'm guessing it can hold Lucifer,” Sam explained.

“‘It?’ He's not an ‘it,’ Sam. He’s Cas,” Dean argued.

“And Cas _wanted_ to do this.”

“That don't make it a good idea!” Dean shouted. “Sam, he’s my fiancé! You think I’m just gonna let the fucking _devil_ continue to possess him?”

“Dean, this is exactly how we screw ourselves. We make the... the heart choice instead of the smart choice!” Sam argued.

“Oh, okay. Thank you, Dr. Phil... Cas is your family too,” Dean reminded him.

“Yes, and his choice deserves to be respected.”

“Even if it kills him?”

“It's killing me. I would rather stick white-hot skewers in my eyes than listen to you two bitches _bicker!_ I gave you the terms of my deal. If Lucifer's not back in the Cage, the Horn stays hidden,” Crowley butt in.

“You know, this is a dick move, Crowley. Even for you. You're not being reasonable,” Sam argued, still wanting to _use_ Lucifer/Cas rather than lock him up again.

“I don't have to be reasonable. I'm the king,” Crowley said, and with that, he walked out of the room, forcing Dean and Sam to follow.

On the way out the building, the sky turned dark and swirling lightning painted the heavens. It looked like Amara was back and that she was pissed. After some argument, the King of Hell convinced the Winchesters to help him take out Lucifer. Dean agreed. He knew they needed the Hand of God if they had any chance on taking on the Darkness. It helped that Rowena revealed herself to them as they were leaving. With her help, putting God’s sister back in her prison should be a breeze, right? Dean could only hope.

They set up in one of the Midwest’s many creepy abandoned churches. Dean spraypainted a devil’s trap on the floor and set up the holy oil ring. Their plan was to summon Lucifer and exercise him from Cas. That was Dean’s one condition and he was unwilling to argue. Sam still wanted to use ‘Casifer’ as a tool to taken on the Darkness, but there was no way he was going to go another day without expelling Satan from his fiancé.

Dean finished the hidden sigil to weaken Lucifer and Sam readied the wooden cross. Both brothers turned to Rowena who was standing over a bowl of summoning ingredients. She cheekily smiled at them, making Dean regret working with her.

“I hate this,” Sam gruffed and Dean had to agree. This sucked. “And, by the way, where the hell is Crowley? I mean, we're essentially all set up.”

“Yeah, I mean, he's the one that boxed us into doing this. You'd think he'd have the decency to-”

“Show up?” came a voice from behind them. “He does. Because without the bait, well a trap really isn't a trap, is it?” Crowley said, pulling the Horn of Joshua from his coat.

“For the record, we still think this is a bad idea. We should be _using_ Lucifer once he’s out of Cas, not icing him,” Dean argued.

“I'm aware. So I'll be standing right here should you hesitate. The hand that giveth can so quickly taketh away,” Crowley quipped

“Yes, we getteth it,” Dean said, dryly.

The king of Hell turned to Rowena. “So, Mummy, I’d love to hear your fascinating tale of resurrection. Where have you been this whole time?” he asked her.

“Same as you, Fergus. Hiding. Once the Dark Prince knew I was alive, I wouldn't be,” Rowena said by way of explanation. Apparently the demon was satisfied with this answer because he merely shrugged and turned back to the WInchesters.

“No mucking about,” he warned Dean. “The warding and the holy fire won't keep an archangel but for a moment. If he shows up at all.”

“Oh, he'll show,” Dean reassured him. “He's too hungry to take Amara out, and we've got the blaster to do it.”

Dean took the bowl from the witch and lit the contents. Then he began reading the summoning prayer from a scroll. As he chanted thunder clapped and suddenly the familiar trench coat was standing in the middle of the circle. Sam lit a matchbook and threw it into the holy oil, setting it aflame. The face of the man he loved turned and looked at Dean with a smug smile so unlike the expressions Castiel used to make. It was downright terrifying.

“I'm sorry. Your ‘prayer’ implied that I'd be joining the team but I'm just not feeling the warm and fuzzy here,” the devil said smugly, referencing the spell Dean used to summon him. He then noticed the Horn sitting on an old church pew. “Wow. There it is. Powered up by Dad himself. Well, that bad boy plus me... That ought to take her out all right... Well, let's get to it. Douse the flames… Or don't?” He looked at Dean with intimidating impatience and before he can talk himself out of it Dean cut his hand and pressed it against the hidden sigil.

Lucifer began to shake as the magic took hold and Dean tried to communicate with the angel inside, “Cas, baby? Castiel, show yourself!”

The angel blinked a few times and spoke in a gravely voice, “Dean?” he asked and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. “What are you doing? What's... What's going on?”

“Cas, listen to me. We don't have a whole lot of time, okay? You have got to…” Dean began but the angel started thrashing again, fighting off Lucifer.

“Dean,” he grunted. “Dean, I love you.” And his body went slack.

“Cas! Castiel, show yourself,” Dean tried again but the angel writhed and shook as the devil regained control.

Lucifer came back with an exasperated gleeful laugh, as if he were amused. “He’s got to what?” he asked as he made mocking eye contact with Dean. “You almost had me there for a minute, but these mail-order spells... they're just not what they're cracked up to be, are they?”

“Cas, expel him!” Dean shouted. “You got to kick Lucifer out! Do you hear me?!”

Lucifer gave him an amused look. “Honestly, I think he's happy with the arrangement. I mean, he did invite me in and all, Dean.”

Dean didn’t believe him.“Cas!” he yelled, desperately.

 _“Cas!”_ Lucifer yelled back, mockingly. Dean glared at him in frustration and anger but the devil kept on talking. “Hand over the weapon. What do you say? Or we can just wait for this warding to fail and I'll take it.”

As the spell-work died and the warding began to fail, Crowley rolled his eyes. “Bloody hell,” he mumbled as he expelled himself from his meat-suit and entered the angel in a rush of thick scarlet smoke.

Dean, Sam, and Rowena watched in astonishment as Cas’s vessel went lax. Dean gawked, mouth agape, as the apparent three-some happened inside his fiancé’s body. He was unaware that three entities could inhabit a body at the same time, although, he supposed when Cas was “Godstiel” several thousand beings had occupied the same space.

As the brothers stared in disbelief, Rowena came to her senses and shotued, “Can't you people do anything right?! Whilst all this dithering goes on, we're losing time! Look, the warding's beginning to fail!”

Dean looked down at the fading sigil. “Cas, babe, come on,” he muttered, hoping to will the angel into action.

As he spoke, Cas’s body started to shake, as if he were once again fighting for control. But then, he heard a sizzling noise from behind them and the room began to smell of burnt flesh. The brothers turned and saw the words ‘help me’ being burnt into the forehead of Crowley’s empty vessel.

Sam picked up the wooden cross and began to perform an exorcism, to expel the demon from Cas’s body and Dean doused him with holy water. Cas’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and the demon smoked out, back into his own body.

“Useless. Lucifer's hold on him is too strong,” the demon explained as he tried to catch his breath.

“Lads, the fire!” Rowena screamed, directing them back to the sigil on the floor. Sure enough, the ring of holy fire had burnt out completely.

Cas opened his eyes and tilted his head. “You tricked me?” No, not Cas, Lucifer. “You lied to me. You know, I could have been your warrior. Ah. Who needs ya?” he chuckled as he force-pulled the Horn towards him. As soon as he did, Crowley poofed out of the building. “Well, It's just like Crowley to leave right when the party's getting started… Have a seat,” he said as Dean and Sam were forced to sit on the pews. “As much as I get a giggle out of you two, and I do, there comes a time when every relationship has run its course. So…”

Lucifer closed his fist like Darth Vader causing Dean and Sam to choke. They gasped and struggled for breath as he gripped them tighter and tighter in his choke-hold. Lucifer smirked as he watched Dean’s face go from red to blue. Suddenly there was an explosion, smashing all the stained glass windows, and a gaping hole appeared in the church. Lucifer turned to see Amara enter the room through the busted wall. He relinquished his hold on the boys and they choked as they tried to breathe normally.

“Oh, Lucifer. Dear nephew, my, how you've changed,” she said. “I was tracking the witch, Rowena, when she left my side.”

“You were safely sealed away. You're gonna wish you'd stayed there,” Lucifer said as he held up the Horn of Joshua. It glowed red as he absorbs its power and his eyes turned white as he conjured a ball of fire into his hand. He aimed it at Amara, throwing the fiery light to engulf her. But then, as the light died down, Amara remained standing without so much as a scratch. She lifted her hand and drew Lucifer effortlessly towards her. He dropped the Horn as Dean and Sam watched on in astonishment.

“I think you and I need to have a nice, long chat.,” she said and Dean yelled Cas’s name. There was a blinding flash of light and they were both gone. Only after they left were the brothers able to move again.

“Cas!” Dean yelled again into the empty space where they once stood.

But it was no use, Cas was gone.

End of chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be writing my own version of what SHOULD happen in season 13 during hiatus. I will include my ideas in this fic and also in a stand-alone fic you should keep your eyes out for! Happy hellatus everyone!


	30. Family Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's just say, for argument's sake, that it's April 2016. Almost a year has passed since Sam got the Dodge Neon for his birthday (and then lost it during the shit with the Darkness because I'm pretty sure it's still at the motel Dean smashed to shit.)
> 
> The Supernatural Musical happened in November of 2014 so it has basically been a year and a half of Destiel at this point.
> 
> Also, Sam needs a new car...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I talk a bit about Dragon Age Inquisition and the Sims 4 so if you haven't played either of those games much of what I say may sound like gibberish.
> 
> Also, if you're not into who I pair with Claire, then I'm sorry. I ship it. And it's minor enough that if it's your notp you can ignore it.
> 
> Enjoy!

#  **Chapter 30**

It was mid April and Dean was a nervous wreck. It had been too long since the Darkness took off with Casifer (as he was now calling him) and Dean had a permanent case of insomnia. Between searching for Amara, he’d been occupying his time playing Dragon Age Inquisition on the PlayStation 4 that Sam had bought him for his last birthday. He had hustled the money so he could buy Dean’s present legally instead of with some credit card scheme. Dean thought it’d take his mind off things but he couldn’t have been more wrong. In the game, he ended up romancing Dorian, mostly because he liked his sassiness. He had to admit though, he was rather disappointed that Solas, the serious elf mage, was only a romance partner for the female playable character. Ok, maybe it wasn’t that much of a distraction after all. He might as well just start up a game of the Sims and play out a grossly domestic fantasy life at the rate he was going. Jeez, he was pathetic.

His pining for Cas eventually took over and he found his way to Claire’s room, where he knew she’d been playing the Sims 4. When he knocked on her open door she paused the game and desperately tried to hide the screen with her body.

Dean clearly saw she was playing the game but he took the opportunity to embarrass her. “I don’t know what kind of ‘not safe for work’ shit you’re looking at, but close the door if you want privacy,” Dean muttered.

“No! God, no. I’m just playing the Sims!” Claire yelped.

“Riiight. I know you’re reading smutty fanfic of those YouTubers you’ve got a crush on. Dil and Stan?”

“Oh my god…” Claire said, covering her face. “First of all, I’m playing the Sims, I swear,” she explained, moving her body so that Dean could clearly see the screen. “And second, their names are Dan and Phil. And, no, I don’t read Phanfiction!”

“Fine, whatever…” Dean mumbled and came up behind her to get a better look at her computer screen. That’s when he saw a familiar face. “Is that me?” he asked, pointing to the sim.

Claire looked embarrassed. “Um, yeah,” she said sheepishly as she scrolled across the screen. “And that’s Cas… and Sam and Eileen… and me…”

“You made us on the Sims?” Dean asked in astonishment.

“Uh huh,” Claire nodded, her face turning red.

Dean studied the characters on the screen. “Are you a teenager?” he asked, noticing her sim was shorter than Eileen’s.

“Yeah, I would have made myself a young adult and you guys _adult_ adults, seeing as you’re so old, but I wanted Samleen… um, that’s their ship name… to have a baby,” she explained, pointing the mouse to Eileen’s pregnant belly. “I didn’t want them being too old to raise a kid, and I had to make you and Cas young adults as well… so yeah, I’m a teenager because I’m still younger than you guys. It only made sense…”

Dean stared at her for a second. He hadn’t played the Sims 4 but he was pretty familiar with the Sims 3. It was a guilty pleasure of his, and much like his love for Doctor Sexy, was not something he readily shared with other people. “You know they’re not an official couple, right? And you know it’s pretty creepy to ship real people you actually know and create them in a video game, right?” Claire made a small sound of protest but Dean cut her off. “Also, don’t you have to be someone’s kid if you’re a teenager in this game? You can’t just have a teen who doesn’t belong to anyone living in a household. Or did they change that?”

Claire’s face went scarlet again as she explained, “No, that hasn’t changed… Um… I made Cas my dad in the game…”

“So, what’s our story?” Dean asked, pointing to the digital versions of him and his fiancé. “Are we married?”

Claire looked even more embarrassed and she looked away from Dean, “Uh huh.”

“So, in the game, I’m your dad too?” Dean asked.

Claire didn’t look a him. She suddenly seemed very interested in her bracelet and began fiddling with it.

“Well, a least _our_ characters’ relationship is accurate,” he said, clapping her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Sam. I want them to get together just as much a you do and I’m pretty sure this’d just psyche him out.”

“You’re not mad?” Claire asked, still unwilling to look at him.

“Claire, as far as I’m concerned you already _are_ my daughter… So, no, I’m not mad.”

Claire smirked at him but quickly composed her face back to her typical angsty expression. “Don’t think I’m gonna start calling you dad now,” she snorted.

“That don’t mean I’m not gonna polish my gun if you ever bring a boy home,” Dean quipped, crossing his arms in faux-anger.

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about _boys,”_ she said with a small smile.

“Boys, girls, whatever you’re into… I’m gonna let them know I mean business. Don’t mess with my girl,” Dean said, pointing at her with mock-warning.

“Whatever, _Dean,”_ Claire rolled her eyes at him and returned to her game.

Dean left her room, giving the nineteen year old some privacy. Now if only he had the _real_ Cas back.

* * *

Claire wanted to invite Alex over for her eighteenth birthday, claiming that as much as they both loved Jody that the other teen really needed to get out of the house for the weekend. Dean agreed, telling Claire that Alex was always welcome, remembering the conversation they’d had when Claire told him he didn’t have to worry about her and boys. The dark-haired girl showed up a couple hours later and Claire hugged her as if they hadn’t seen each other in years. As the girls settled down for a movie night with pizza, Olive curled up on Claire’s lap and both of them fussed over the small kitten.

Dean gave them some privacy and went into the library to do more research, trying to figure out where the Darkness could have taken Casifer. After a while, Sam wandered into the library with his tablet. He showed Dean a report of teenager, Libby, in Colorado. Apparently Libby’s friend claimed she was carried off by a mutant creature with green eyes and that she herself turned into a green-eyed mutant. Dean speculated it might be demons and agreed that they should head to Colorado in the morning.

He went back to the living room to inform the girls of the change in plans. When he got there both girls were sitting closer on the couch still petting the cat on Claire’s lap. It was as if they were using Olive as an excuse to occasionally bump hands. Dean admitted to himself that it was rather cute but he had to keep up the ‘tough dad persona’ so he loudly cleared his throat, causing both girls to jump.

“Hey, Claire, we’re gonna take a case in Colorado tomorrow. I trust you a Alex here won’t get into too much trouble while we’re gone,” he said with a wink.

Claire gave him an angsty look that screamed ‘stop’ and said, “I promise we won’t burn down the bunker.”

Dean knew that _she_ knew that wasn’t what he meant but he just nodded and asked, “You sure you don’t wanna come with?”

“Yeah, we’re sure,” Claire said flatly in a tone that sounded like she wanted to tell him to get the fuck out.

“Ok. I’m, uh, gonna leave you two alone now,” Dean said, taking the hint. He went back to his room to continue playing Inquisition, not wanting to think about what kinds of shenanigans the girls would get into while they were gone. At least he didn’t have to worry about one of them getting pregnant, thank god.

The next morning, Dean and Sam set off for Colorado. By the time they got there, it was already evening so the brothers checked into a motel room and went to a diner. It was too late to interrogate witnesses so the Winchesters spent the night watching Pay-per-view movies. Dean tried not to think about how much he missed Cas as he and Sam viewed the latest Marvel movie.

When Dean rolled out of bed the next day, Sam was already back from his morning jog so they changed into their fed-suits and went to the police station. There, they that there had been six people reported missing in the last forty-eight hours and that a similar occurrence happened every twenty-seven years. After interrogating Libby’s friend and the widow of a man who went missing back in 1989 they discover that some sort of junkless orgy creatures are involved. The boys went back to the hotel room to do research and get a call from the Sheriff, confirming their suspicions about ‘orgy like’ behavior.

Not entirely convinced it isn’t aliens, Dean and Sam set off for the woods where Libby was last seen. In the forest they found Libby, but she was acting strangely. Her whole body was shaking and she was making weird clicking noises. As Dean approached her, she suddenly snapped her head up and looked at him. Her unusual green eyes startled the hunter and he took as step back and was immediately attacked by another green-eyed creature. Thankfully, another hunter came in at that exact moment and cut off the creature's head, freeing Dean from its clutches.

Dean invites the man and his companion to a bar so they can discuss the case together. At the bar, the Winchesters learn that the other hunters are named Jesse and Cesar, and that they’re married.

“What’s it like, settling down with a hunter?” Dean asked the men. “I’m… uh, engaged to another hunter myself and I’m curious. You don’t meet a lot of couples in the biz.”

“True,” Cesar answered. “I’ve met my fair share of widows to be honest. But that’s the life. It’s smelly and dirty. And twice the worrying about getting ganked.”

“Huh,” Dean said looking down at his drink. He understood exactly what he meant. Cas was a fucking _angel_ and Dean worried about him constantly, especially now.

Sam sensed that Dean was uncomfortable so he changed the subject. They learned that one of them took Jesse’s brother twenty-seven years ago, and that he was out to avenge his death. Cesar explained that one this case was over, they were going to retire from hunting and raise horses.

“Wow, you don’t meet too many hunters who make it to the finish line,” Dean commented, taking another sip of his whisky.

“It’s rare but not unheard of,” Cesar reassured him.

“My advice? Don’t hunt past forty. Settle down with that fiancé of yours and let the twenty-somethings take over,” Jesse added and Dean was very tempted to take his recommendation.

* * *

After the case was over, Dean and Sam checked out of the hotel and decided to return to the bunker. Dean was excited for Jesse and Cesar. They drove off into the sunset and finally got their ‘happily ever after’ Disney movie ending. They were off to raise horses for fuck’s sake! How ‘cherry pie’ could it get?

By the time they got back to home, Alex was already gone. It made sense since it was already Tuesday and she had to be back home for classes. When Dean tried to ask Claire about her weekend she went beet red and told them they just watched movies the whole time. Yeah right.

The next weekend Alex was back with Claire on the living room couch. Dean figured she would be over fairly regularly from now on and, once again, let the girls have their privacy.

Dean found Sam in the kitchen on his laptop FaceTiming Eileen so he went to his room and loaded up Dragon Age again. Maybe if he beat the game, he’d stop thinking about how he was suddenly a fifth-wheel.

A week later it was Sam’s birthday and Eileen was finally over ( _took them long enough_ ). Sam claimed they were still ‘just friends’ but Dean knew better when they retreated to his room to watch Netflix because Claire and Alex had taken over the living room. Dean was about to ask the girls if they wanted to order take-out, but when he walked in on them making out on the couch he back-peddled out of the room quietly and went into the library to look for a case. He felt like such an awkward third-wheel and wondered if this was how Sam felt all the time.

* * *

By Thursday they found themselves in Hope Springs, Idaho on a case. Apparently a man named Wes Cooper committed a murder-suicide in Idaho and no one knew why -- he just snapped. The brothers wonder if he might have been possessed or soulless, hoping it was a lead on Amara. It turned out to be infested fog like with the Rabids, but the Darkness was nowhere to be found. But she did use an infected cop to send Dean a message, “The light was just a lie. t will all be over soon. He's not gonna save them. It's all going away... forever. But not you, Dean.” _Wow, creepy._

But they didn’t have much time to reflect on the cryptic message. The fog was coming in quick and they needed to get the townspeople to safety. They ushered as many people as they could into the police station and duct taped the windows and vent. Somehow, the tape failed and the civilians rushed into an office for safety, but not before Sam got infected. Dean was surprisingly (or unsurprisingly seeing as the Darkness was stalker-level obsessed with him) immune and decided to stay with his brother rather than leaving him behind. Just then, Sam’s pocket started to glow and Dean reached in, confused, and pulled out the _real_ Samulet. When he looked up, Sam was healed and the smoke was gone.

The brothers made their way outside, Dean holding the Samulet up and watching it glow. It appeared things had returned to normal, like the smoke never even happened. In the street, a familiar man in a jacket was helping a pedestrian to their feet. The mysterious figured turned around to face them. _Chuck? What the hell?_ Dean thought as the ex-prophet made eye contact with them.

“We should probably talk,” the shorter man said.

Dean looked back down at the amulet and back up at Chuck. “What the hell's going on here, exactly?” he asked him.

“I'm happy to... fill in the blanks, but maybe we should go somewhere where we could actually sit down,” Chuck answered.

“We're not going anywhere with you. Okay, how do we even know that you're really Chuck and not just some…” Dean started to say but suddenly the boys and Chuck were in the bunker “crazy spell or manifest...ation…” he finished as Kevin appeared just behind Chuck.

“Guys! You're looking stressed. Especially you,” he said to Dean. “It's cool. Trust Chuck. Whatever it is he needs you to do, he must think you can handle it. I always trusted you.”

“Yeah, that ended well,” Dean reminded him.

“Oh that reminds me,” Chuck said as he snapped his fingers. “Welcome back to the land of the living, Kevin.”

“Holy crap,” was all Dean could say.

“So you’re…?” Sam asked and Chuck nodded. “Okay. So, wow, um, Chuck… Well, I guess we don't call you that, huh?”

“I prefer it,” Chuck said.

“Here's the thing, um...Chuck... And I mean no disrespect. Um... I'm guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that's great. That's, you know… It's fantastic. Um, but you've been gone...  a long, long time. And there's so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don't know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you even aware or did you just tune it out?” Dean asked, his voice cracking.

“I was aware, Dean,” Chuck said.

“But you did nothing. And, again, I-I'm not trying to piss you off. You know, I don't want to turn into a pillar of salt-”

“I actually… didn't do that,” Chuck clarified.

Okay… People… people pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing,” Dean said as he felt tears welling in his eyes.

“You're frustrated. I get it,” Chuck said. “Believe me, I was real hands-on for, well, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created... would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. It's enabling.”

“But it didn't get better,” Dean said as the tears began to fall.

“Well, I've been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has,” Chuck answered.

“Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you're trying to justify it,” Dean cried.

Chuck sighed. “You have to understand this about the Darkness, she's relentless, a force beyond human comprehension. It's the only reason I came off the sidelines,”

“So, where is she?” Dean asked, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“No fucking idea, fellas,” God surprisingly cursed. Dean wondered how much human-kind had gotten him wrong. “She's warded herself specifically against me. What have you come up with?”

“Zip, and we've been at it for months,” Dean admitted.

“Well...matter of time. I've always had faith in you…” Chuck said. “Now, where's the guest room? I could use a shower.”

“Uh, it's, um... just down the hallway. The fourth door on the left,” Sam said, directing God to an empty room.

“Hey, Chuck. You know that she's got Lucifer, right?” Dean asked him before he left the room. “And you know, uh, Cas… The angel Castiel… is being possessed by him, right?”

“Yes, I know Dean,” Chuck sighed “I’m sorry about your betrothed, by the way. And before you ask, no it’s not a sin. I’m bisexual as well.”

“Um… that wasn’t what I was going to ask,” Dean said.

Thankfully, Sam stepped in. “The way we heard it, um... last time when you bottled up the Darkness it took more than just you. I mean, we heard that Lucifer was involved.”

Chuck looked a bit peeved. “Lucifer was perhaps my greatest hope and my bitterest disappointment. Do you think if I could have trusted him for a moment I would have put him in the Cage? And I wasn't gonna mention this, but thank you so much for springing him.

“That wasn't really the plan-”

“Now, as bad as he was, after all this time in prison he's probably worse. And by now, he could have formed an alliance with Amara. Not walking into that trap, guys. So, no,” he said as he walked away. “Thus spake the Lord.”

“Um, that went well,” Kevin said from the corner where he was cowering. “I, uh, I better call my mom,” he said as he left the room as well.

As he left, Claire walked into the room holding Olive. “Um, why are there two strange dudes in the bunker and why does one of them know my dad?”

“What?” Dean asked, confused.

“Yeah, the scruffy one walked past me on the way to the guest room and said, and I quote, ‘Jimmy would be so proud.’ What the fuck is that all about?” Claire asked, almost in tears.

“Guys! Sorry, I didn’t mean to snoop but I went out to the garage to get better reception and… Just come quick!” Kevin said, running into the room.

The three of them followed the former prophet to the garage and Sam gasped. Right next to baby was Sam’s old Dodge Neon wrapped in a bow. On the windshield was a note. “I thought you might want this back. Happy birthday. -Chuck”

* * *

Later that night Dean was in the library on his laptop, trying to find The Darkness. “Come on, Amara. Where are you?” he said outloud.

Suddenly, he heard her voice inside his head. “I've missed you, Dean. It's been a while since we've spoken. I'm aware my brother has surfaced. If you should cross paths, if he should reach out to you, he should know this Lucifer, his favorite, isn't doing so well,” she said and Dean was given a vision of Cassifer appearing tortured and beaten. “To say nothing of the vessel, your _beloved_ Castiel. By choosing to ignore me, my brother is allowing this to happen. These and... other things. I thought you should know.”

The next morning, Kevin’s mother came for him. It was sad to see him go, but he definitely needed to be with his mother instead of them. Hopefully he could go off to college and live a normal life.

Dean found Sam in the kitchen on his laptop and sat down next to him. “Anything?”

“Nada,” Sam said, taking as sip of his coffee. “You know, I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but, for once, I actually wish Rowena was here. I mean, maybe she could track down Amara. She's done it before.”

“Yeah, but you can bet she and the Book are gonna stay stashed until this whole thing is over,” Dean said. “Where's Chuck?”

Sam shrugged, “Sleeping in, I guess.”

“Does God sleep?” Dean asked.

“I know he takes really long showers.”

“Right? And sings too. Like, crappy old folk songs. I had to tell him to cool it three times,” Dean said.

“You told _God_ to cool it?” Sam asked him skeptically.

Yeah, _I_ sleep,” Dean shrugged but then he sighed, remembering the vision he had the night before. “We got to find Lucifer before it's too late.”

“Too late?” Sam asked, concerned.

“Amara is… she's in my head,” Dean sighed and Sam gave him a look. “Hey, I didn't ask for it, okay? She just showed up. But she's showing me visions of… of Lucifer. By Lucifer, I mean Cas, and he looks like crap. Like she's really doing a number on him.”

Just then, Chuck walked into the kitchen. “Hey. Morning,” Sam said to him.

“Is that my robe?” Dean asked, noticing what he was wearing.

“I'm telling you guys, it's a mistake to get mixed up with Lucifer,” Chuck said referring to the conversation they were having before he entered the room. “Much as it pained me, I had to walk away. Too much drama. Do you have any bacon?”

“You eat bacon?” Dean asked.

Chuck shrugged.“Yeah. And shrimp.” Dean grinned. Yet another thing religion got wrong.

“Hey, guys, this just came up,” Sam interrupted them, pointing at his laptop screen. “Looks like that fog, the  Amara fog, hit another town.”

“And?” Dean asked, looking over his shoulder to get a better view.

“And this one wasn't as lucky as the last one. Thousands died. Uh, everybody died. Except for one man,” Sam explained.

Dean turned to Chuck. “How'd you miss that one?” he asked with some scorn.

“She's baiting me. I can't respond every time. I won't be manipulated,” he explained as he grilled his breakfast.

“Yeah, but thousands of people are dead,” Dean told him.

“Unfortunately. So find her,” Chuck commanded.

* * *

The brothers made the six hour trip to Oklahoma, leaving Chuck alone in the bunker with Claire and Olive. On their way to Broken Arrow, Dean got a call from Metatron asking them to meet him in person so he could show them some information on Chuck. Dean agreed, but first they had to take care of the case. At the police station, they met a man named Donatello (named after the Renaissance sculptor not the Ninja Turtle) who was hit with Amara’s god power and was a new prophet.

As they were at the police station, Dean got another vision from Amara. “ I need to see you, Dean. Events are moving swiftly and everything will change. I need to meet with you, but not like this. Somewhere alone.”

They were almost back to the bunker with Donatello in the backseat when he finally decided to speak again. He was obviously in shock.

“So you guys are FBI?” he asked for the millionth time. At the police station all they told him was that they needed him to come back to their headquarters for further questioning.

Dean figured it was time they told him the truth. “Kinda. Let’s just say we’re a special division. We track ghosts and demons and stuff,” Dean explained to him.

“Holy shit, like the X-Files?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Dean answered.

“But ghosts aren’t real,” the man said.

“They are actually,” Sam explained. “And we hunt them. How else would you explain what happened to you in the fog? How you were able to read the tablet?”

“Well, I-”

“There’s supernatural forces at work, my friend,” Dean said. “And you, sir, are a prophet of God.”

“I can't be a prophet. I'm an atheist and a chemist! I-I believe in molecules, not God,” the man stuttered.

“All right, well, we're pretty sure that prophets don't even know they're in the game until they've actually been touched by God, so-” Dean said but Donatello cut him off.

“I-I was touched by God? Is… Is that what happened in the fog?” he asked.

“Yeah, or possibly his sister, Amara,” Dean said.

“Wait. He… He has family?” the man asked.

“Yeah. She wants him gone so she can annihilate the universe. That's the headline,” Sam answered.

“And since you might have a hotline to her, we're hoping you can help us find her,” Dean said.

“W-Why would you want to find her?” the man questioned.

“We got to rescue this guy she's holding... “ Dean explained. “Lucifer. Her nephew. Who’s possessing my fiancé at the moment. An angel named Castiel.”

“Oh is that all?” Donatello asked in a panic as he tried to escape.

“It's locked,” Sam said as he tried the door.

“Yeah, that, too,” Dean chuckled as he tried the other door. “Sometimes we keep monsters in the back.”

“I can't do this!” Donatello yelled. “It's like asking me to believe in Santa Claus.”

“Oh, well, _actually_ –” Dean started.

“Dean, not now,” Sam said, giving him a side-eye.

“Okay, look,” Dean said, making eye contact with the man in the rear-view. “We're not asking you to believe that this is true, just act like you do. People do it all the time.”

Donatello suddenly shuddered.

“What?” Sam asked him.

“I-I don't know… I think I'm sensing something. Something big,” the man said.

“Like Amara?” Sam asked.

“I don't think so. Although, how would I know?” the man said. “Could it be... _him?”_

* * *

When they got back to the bunker they found Chuck in his boxers, eating Chinese, and watching something on a laptop.

Claire was nowhere to be seen. Dean figured she was hiding in her room. God did _not_ make a good houseguest.

“Hey, Chuck. We, uh, found someone. I think he's the next prophet,” Dean said.

“Neat-o,” Chuck said and went back to watching what appeared to be curling or something.

“Is that my computer?” Dean asked, looking at the laptop.

“I've never seen so much gay porn... Not in one sitting,” Chuck answered.

 _Ok, so God watches porn._ “I'm gonna…” Dean said as he carefully closed the laptop. “So, uh, listen. He's a little nutted out about the whole booga-booga of it all, so maybe just dial back the – the God stuff…. No pants on… Sam?” he shouted, letting Sam know it was safe for the prophet to come in.

Chuck stood up to greet the prophet. “Donatello, good to see ya,” he said when the man entered the room. “Sorry about your cat.”

“How did... You – You know me?” the man asked.

“I made you. I made all of you, even the ones who aren't born yet,” he answered.

“Oh, my god. It's you. G-Good to meet you, Sir! Your – Your celestial magnificence, your –”

“Hey, hey, hey, it's okay,” Sam said, putting his hand on his shoulder. “He just kind of goes by Chuck.”

“So, we good? Y'all signed up?” Chuck asked, taking a bite of his chow mein.

“Uh...I-I-I guess you know that I was an atheist, until a couple minutes ago. Is that an issue?”

“Not for me,” Chuck shrugged. “I mean, I believe in me. But your skepticism is to be expected. I did include free will in the kit. Welcome aboard.”

* * *

As soon as they drop Donatello off with Chuck, the boys headed back out to meet with Metatron. They met him at a bar where he told them that Chuck planned on sacrificing himself to Amara and, as proof, he shows them God’s autobiography, claiming that it reads like a suicide note. After reading through the manuscript, Dean went back to the bunker to confront Chuck about his ‘plan.’ Chuck explained to him that he will offer his sister a deal, put _him_ in a cage and leave the world as it is. The hunter tells Chuck that he is the one that has to take Amara out, because even though she’s his sister, she will destroy everything. She is pissed off and it has has to be him who takes her out since nothing else can. But Chuck says that he saved Dean so many years ago because Dean was the firewall between light and darkness. He explained that humans will step up if he fails. Dean still tried to convince him that _he_ is the one who has to take her out. She’s his sister and it’s his responsibility after all. But Chuck simply nodded his head, as if he wasn’t entirely sure.

Later that evening, Dean found Donatello sitting at the map table. “I got you a beer. I don't know if you drink,” he said, handing the prophet the bottle.

“I do now,” the man said, popping the cap and taking a swig.

“Well…” Dean sighed. “I don't know  if Chuck is leaning our way.... If we do get Lucifer for the added muscle, then...maybe he'll play ball.”

“I thought they hated each other,” Donatello said.

“Yeah, they do,” Dean sighed, taking a sip of his beer.

“Wow. I so miss being an atheist,” the prophet said with a sigh. Dean nodded. Sometimes he did too.

As the men sipped their beer, Sam and Metatron entered the map room.

“All right, make it quick,” Sam told the ex-scribe. “Don't touch anything.”

“Fine, he sighed. “Dean! Thanks for inviting me.”

“Inviting you? You've been circling the building all night. You sent me two-hundred text messages with dumbass emojis. You got three minutes,” Dean told him.

“Oh. Donatello!” Metatron said to the prophet. “Pleasure to meet you. Metatron, scribe of God. Your name, as well as every prophet who’s ever existed or will exist, is carved on the inside of the angels' eyelids.”

“He's freaking me out,” Donatello said, turning to Dean.

“Okay,” Dean said, getting the scribe’s attention. “You said you wanted to help. Besides world-class douchery, what do you have to offer?”

“Oh, nothing. I just transcribed the angel tablet and know all the spells. And I know what makes Amara tick. And I had a relationship with the big guy for eons. Shall I keep going?” the man asked.

“As much as I hate to admit this... he kind of has a point,” Sam said.

“You need all the help you can get. Even douche help,” Metatron said.

“And since when did you jump on the God wagon? You never used to give a damn,” Dean reminded him.

“Well, I didn't. But now that he's gone all kamikaze, leaving us with the Darkness… it seems like I should,” he sighed.

“The plan is to rescue Lucifer from Amara. Then he teleports us out of Amara's hideout and we convince Chuck to use him to fight her,” Dean explained.

“That's your plan? Do you even know where Amara is?” the scribe scoffed.

“Um, I think I might know where she is,” Donatello chimed in. “I've been getting this vibe. Uh, it's like a ping in my cerebral cortex.”

“Oh, so either Amara or a stroke. And how are we supposed to keep Amara busy while we're... liberating Lucifer?” Metatron asked.

“That’s where I come in,” Dean said, explaining the plan.

* * *

To create a diversion, Dean met with Amara in a forest.

“Thank you for reaching out to me, Dean.,” she said when she appeared.

A familiar overwhelming feeling hit Dean like a ton of bricks the moment he saw her. Clearly he was still under her spell. Great. “You said you wanted to meet.”

“I missed you. And the... sensations you arouse. I know you feel the same way,” she said to Dean. _Yeah, because you make me,_ Dean thought. “So...what do we do?”

“There can be no _us_ and you know that. You should just walk away.”

Then why don't _you?”_ she asked him. “This place, this world hasn't been especially easy for you. Why not at least consider my offer? Join me and you’ll be at peace.”

“This world is flawed. I will give you that. But I am not ready to say goodbye to it just yet. Not when I still have so much to live for,” Dean told her.

“You mean the angel?” she asked shaking her head. “One way or the other, you will join me. It's inevitable. My brother won't stop me again, because he can't. Dean, give up your... smallness, your humanity and become boundless within me.”

“You're right,” Dean admitted. “I am drawn to you. And it bothers the hell out of me, 'cause I can't control it.”

“Then why fight it? What you're feeling is that I am the end of your struggle. Your feelings towards this angel stop you. They keep you from having it all,” she said approaching him. Dean tried to turn away but couldn’t. She cupped his face and frowned. “Where are your thoughts? Something's different… You've spoken with God. You've seen him. You _betrayed_ me.”

And with that, she left. Dean was alone in the forest. _Shit._ Hopefully, Sam and the others managed to free Lucifer.

* * *

Thankfully, Sam and his group managed to spring Lucifer. Although, Metatron ended up sacrificing himself in the process. Chuck also stepped in by getting them the fuck out after Amara showed up. All in all, it was a pretty successful mission.

“Still twitchy, huh?” Dean asked Donatello after they called him a cap to take him back home. “Now, you've met God, Lucifer and the Darkness. You're gonna need a spa day.”

“I don't feel much like returning to academia and... I sure as hell can't go back to being an atheist,” he said.

“Yeah, I hear you.,” Dean said, clapping his back before he got in the cab.

“So Metatron took one for the team,” Dean said as he and Sam watched the taxi drive away. “Well, I wouldn't have called that.”

“So, you want to tell me about it?” Sam asked him. “I mean Amara obviously figured out something was going on and she didn't rip your head off.”

Dean sighed. “She wants me to be a part of her. Not metaphorically, I'm talking literally. Forever.”

“Shit, man. I’m sorry.”

“Let’s just lock her up and throw away the key. Man, I’m sick and tired to this shit. I’m tired of Amara being weirdly possessive. I’m tired to Lucifer being inside the man I love. I just want this shit to end,” Dean said as a single tear slipped down his face.

“I know, Dean. I know,” his brother said, enveloping him in a hug.

  
End of chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Dean! You'll get him back soon! I promise!


	31. Alpha and Omega

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for underage drinking. Please drink legally and responsibly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is assumed the reader has finished season 11.
> 
> I honestly dislike Amara and can't wait to be done with her.

### Chapter 31

"So I guess she's sleeping with _him_ now," Claire said the next morning as she walked into the kitchen.

“Um, excuse me?” Dean asked, looking up from his morning coffee. “Who’s sleeping with who?”

“Olive,” Claire said by way of explanation.

“Ah,” Dean mumbled.

“God is a fucking cat stealer,” Claire grunted, pulling a Coke out of the fridge and cracking it open.

Dean looked back down at his book. “Why, hello Dean-o. What’s shakin’?” Lucifer said as he entered the kitchen, a small grin on his smug face.

Both Dean and Claire glared at him. “Ok, that’s it,” Dean said grabbing his keys off the hook on the wall and slamming his book shut. “This calls for something stronger than coffee.”

“Can I come with you?” Claire asked, her eyes hopeful. She obviously didn’t want to be alone with Casifer.

“As long as you stay in the car, I don’t see why not,” Dean said and Claire practically jogged to the garage.

When they got back from the liquor store, the two of them overheard Chuck and Lucifer arguing.

“Fuck you,” the archangel growled.

“Uh, guys?” Dean asked as he entered the library with a twelve pack of Select.

“Listen, I know I’ve been gone for awhile,” Chuck started, ignoring Dean. “I’ve missed a few… million birthdays-”

Lucifer snorted, “Yeah, and the second your apes send a distress flare… boom! Daddy’s home!”

“That’s not what happened,” Chuck stated.

“Hey, these apes saved your ass,” Dean told him.

Lucifer scowled and snapped his fingers like he did all those years ago in the graveyard when he blew up Cas. Dean closed his eyes, expecting the worst, but nothing happened.

Chuck shook his head. “He can’t hurt you.”

“Oh, so you’re controlling me now!” Lucifer said, throwing his hands up.

“It’s just a safeguard,” Chuck explained.

Lucifer stared at Chuck with such intense hatred, Dean immediately thought of the phrase ‘if looks could kill.’ Thankfully, Sam came back from his morning jog at that exact moment. Sensing the tension in the room, he immediately put up his hands.

“Hey guys? Uh, Chuck? Lucifer… uh, Dean… Claire?” he said, getting a ‘hey what’d I do’ from the nineteen year old. “Think we can try and focus here? Y’know, end of the world, common enemy, all that?

Lucifer walked right up to Chuck’s face. “Enemy of my enemy is my friend,” he said, staring down the shorter man. “Team Amara. Go Amara.”

“You don’t mean that,” Chuck told him.

“You’re really not gonna say it,” the angel sighed. “Fuck you. Fuck all of you,” he said, storming away.

“Kids, huh?” Chuck breathed out a small laugh and shrugged.

Dean cracked open a beer and handed it to Claire, much to Sam’s dismay. “Here, you’re gonna need this,” he told her.

“Dean-”

“She’s nineteen, Sam. Legal almost everywhere except here,” Dean said cracking one open for himself. “Besides, she’s being supervised. I’m not gonna let her get blackout drunk or nothing.”

Before Sam could argue, they heard loud rock music coming from the hall. The brothers followed it to Sam’s bedroom, the door closed. The younger Winchester banged on the door.

“Lucifer!” he shouted. “Y’know, sometime you’re gonna have to come out and … talk to… God.”

“It’s like the worst episode of Full House ever,” Dean sighed.

The music stopped but the door didn’t open. “If Dad has something to say to me, I’ll hear it from him! Until then, I’ll be in my room,” the devil shouted.

“It’s not your room!” Dean shouted back.

“It’s _my_ room…” Sam sighed.

The brothers banged on the door a few more times and the music continued.

“Whatever,” Dean mumbled, taking another swig of his beer and walking away. Just because it was his fiancé’s body, didn’t mean he was his problem. It was Sam’s room he’d taken over, not his. Dean wouldn’t have been able to handle _that._ Not that he was handling this thing as it was. He took another swig of his beer; it was only eight in the morning.

About an hour and three beers later, each, Chuck was making them pancakes.

“Talk to him,” Sam said from the table.

“Won’t do any good,” Chuck said as he flipped the pancakes.

“Why the fuck not?” Claire asked.

“Because I can’t give him what he wants,” Chuck sighed.

“And what’s that?” Dean asked him.

“What everyone wants. My sister, my children, you humans. An apology. A big, wet ‘I’m sorry.’”

“Well, so give it to him,” Dean sighed. “It’s not like he’s askin’ for a weapon, or for Hell, or for Heaven. He’s askin’ for words.”

“I can’t say I’m sorry if I’m not,” he said, placing a stack pancakes down in front of the trio. “What he wants an apology for, I did it for humanity. For the world. Look, Lucifer wants what everybody wants: Amara gone… Let’s just give him a little time to cool off.” He took a sip out of his World’s Greatest Dad mug.

“Okay, well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but a little time is not something that we have. The end is frickin’ nigh,” Dean sighed.

Chuck ignored him and put a pancake on each of their plates and pouring syrup on for them. “You’re gonna love these. They’re my own recipe. I invented all of this,” he said, gesturing at their breakfast.

“Well technically-” Dean started but Sam kicked him. What? He doesn’t get to take credit for the shit his creations invented. Dean was almost starting to sympathize with Lucifer… almost.

Immediately after breakfast, the brothers staged an intervention. They put Chuck and Lucifer in a room together to talk out their problems Dr. Phil style. They were zapped away half-way through it so they weren’t sure _how_ , but father and son talked it out.

Chuck and Lucifer agreed to work together to capture Amara and put her back in her cage but, as Chuck informed them, she can't be killed because that would cause an imbalance between darkness and light. One cannot exist without the other. Without the other archangels, though, they still don't have the power that was needed originally to box Amara. Unfortunately, they don't have the time for Chuck to rebuild the archangels as it's a much larger task than restoring rank and file angels like Castiel. Chuck sighed and asked for alternatives. Dean suggested Crowley, Lucifer suggested angels, and Sam suggested Rowena.

They each went to meet with their suggested allies to convince them to join the fight. All were resistant at first, thinking the plan was weak, but eventually agreed to join. Once all the support was in place Sam, Chuck, and Lucifer agreed that the plan was to use the angels, demons, and witches to weaken Amara and then Chuck will finish her off by removing the Mark and putting her in the cage.

But the plan didn’t work. Instead, Chuck was dying.

* * *

Their fight with Amara didn’t go so well. She’d seriously injured both Chuck and Lucifer. The archangel was leaned against a support beam, unmoving, and God was lying still on the floor.

Dean approached the angel slowly and placed his hand on his shoulder tentatively. The dark haired man’s eyes burst open upon the touch and he stared up at the hunter.

“Dean,” he said in a deep gravely voice.

“Cas? Hey, is that you?” Dean asked, leaning ino to get a closer look.

“Lucifer is gone,” Cas confirmed. “Amara ripped him from my body.”

Dean couldn’t help himself. He threw his arms around the angel, choking back tears. “Cas…” he whispered into his neck.

For a moment, neither man said a word, both simply held one another. Dean didn’t want to let go ever again. “I’ve missed you so much,” he murmured.

“I know, Dean. I am so sorry-”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Dean said, kissing his forehead. “Without him we wouldn’t have gotten this far.”

Dean helped him up and the two of them went to where Sam was crouching over Chuck on the floor. They learned that his light was leaving him and that the only person who could heal him was Amara. Just then, Rowena and Crowley returned.

“Well... that was a complete and utter dog's breakfast, wasn't it?” Crowley groaned.

“I didn’t know dogs had breakfast…” Cas said.

Dean looked at him and smiled in spite of the looming situation. “Cas is back,” he informed his brother.

Rowena broke up the moment. “Just curious, has anyone bothered to look outside?” she asked.

As the group made their way outside Dean could hear sirens in the background. He looked around and saw the destruction caused by the battle. There’s charred craters in the asphalt and several holes in the side of the building. Cas placed his hand on Dean’s arm to direct his attention to the sky and that’s when he saw it. The sun. It was burning out.

“What is it?” he asked.

“The sun… it’s dying,” Cas answered.

“Why would Amara do that?” Sam asked.

Cas sighed, “The sun is the source of all life on Earth. Without it, everything just… wastes away.”

Dean closed his eyes. “Let's get the hell out of here,” he said and Chuck transported them back to the bunker. All of them. Including Crowley and Rowena.

“What do we do now?” Cas asked as Chuck collapsed into Sam’s arms.

Dean went to the fridge and pulled out a couple beers, handing one to Cas.

“Last night on Earth,” he said with a humorless smile.

“Dean-”

“Cas…” Dean said as his hand washed over his face in desperation. “We hit Amara with everything we got and she just walked it off.”

Cas sighed. “Maybe we can-”

“How are we supposed to fix the fucking sun?” Dean asked, taking a swig of his beer.

Nobody else had followed them to the kitchen. They were still attending to Chuck in the war room.

Cas sighed and looked down at his still unopened beer. “But… but we were supposed to… we were supposed to get married,” he murmured so quietly Dean barely heard him.

Dean threw his arms around his angel. “I know,” he said softly. “Hey… at least you came back to me before…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

Cas looked up at him and brushed away tears he hadn’t realized he’d shed. “I love you, Dean Winchester,” he whispered.

The corners of his mouth tugged into a smile as he looked into the too blue eyes of the man he loved. Dean cupped his cheek tenderly and leaned in. Their lips met, brushing together in a soft chaste kiss. “No matter what happens, I will always love you,” he promised.

Their lips met again, with rushed desperation and Cas pushed him against the fridge, causing the papers attached by magnets to flutter to the floor. His fingers met the soft skin of Dean’s stomach and the hunter reluctantly pulled back.

“Why don’t we take this party somewhere more private?” he asked as Cas moved his lips to his neck.

As they made their way back to the map room, Claire had joined the group hanging around the dying god. Olive was in Chuck’s lap, purring loudly as he scratched her behind her ears. When the teenage hunter saw Cas and Dean enter the room, she narrowed her eyes until she saw their joined hands.

“Cas!” she shouted as she hurled herself into him. “I missed you so much,” she mumbled into his shirt.

Cas stroked her hair as she clung to him. “I missed you too…”

Dean couldn’t help himself. He engulfed the two of them in a tight embrace. And even though group hugs were cheesy, he found that he couldn’t pull away. They were his family.

He kissed the top of Claire’s hair before he pulled away. She let go of Cas and took a step back, looking up at them. “So I guess the world’s ending,” she choked, mascara-stained tears running down her face.

“Yeah,” Dean said, his voice shaky.

“So you won’t mind if I make myself a rum and Coke,” she sniffed.

“As long as you don’t mind if we duck out for a bit,” Dean said, nodding towards the hallway.

Claire seemed to understand. She nodded and offered them a small smile. “I should probably call Alex,” she realized, pulling out her phone and wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

She walked towards the kitchen and Dean and Cas made their way to their bedroom. Dean closed the door behind them and turned to look at Cas. He was already sitting on the bed.

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t wanna,” he told him, joining him on the bed. “We can just… sit here if you want.”

“We have plenty of time to hold each other as the ship goes down,” Cas said and Dean was pretty sure he was making a Titanic reference. He’d be lying if he said that he’d never seen the movie. It’d also be a lie to say that he didn’t tear up at the end as mother read her children to sleep and the old couple clung to one another on the bed. “For now, I’d like to have you, one last time… If that’s alright…”

“Oh, it’s more than alright,” Dean said as he positioned himself so he was straddling Cas on the bed.

Dean kissed him with a rabid hunger, an urgency he didn’t know he possessed. As Dean made his way down his jaw, Cas tugged at his shirt, helping him lift it up and over his head. His angel’s fingers traced over his anti-possession tattoo, as if it was his first time seeing it. Cas had never paid it special attention before, but in this moment he pressed his lips to the inked flesh. Dean sighed and began unbuttoning the angel’s shirt and he slid his hand down his now-bare chest. Cas flung the shirt off the bed and laid back, pulling Dean on top of him.

From their new position, Dean worked his way down Cas’s tanned chest, flicking his dark nipples with his tongue. Cas arched into the touch and moaned as Dean bit the hard nubs. He made his way down his taut stomach, licking into the divot of his navel and kissing his sharp hipbones. He undid his belt and helped the angel shimmy out of his pants and boxer shorts. He looked down at his bobbing erection and licked his lips greedily. He wanted Cas inside of him. He began pulling at his own belt but Cas’s hands stopped him.

“Allow me,” he smirked and finished unbuckling his pants.

Once they were both stripped, Cas leaned back to admire Dean’s freckled form. He brushed his hands down his side and pinched at the soft skin near his hips.

“Dean…” he whispered before he lunged up to kiss his lips.

He brought them to a sitting position and Dean rocked against him from his lap, his legs wrapped around his torso. Without moving, Cas willed the bottle of lube into his hands and clicked open the cap. He rubbed some into his fingers and teased his entrance, the sensitive muscle puckered at his touch. He slowly slipped a single finger in and Dean sharply drew in a breath.

“You’re tight,” Cas informed him and Dean just hummed, wanting more.

Cas slipped the finger in and out, stretching him before he added another. Dean hissed at the stretch but began fucking himself on Cas’s fingers. A wanton sound escaped his lips as Cas added a third finger.

“Cas… Want you.... Please…” he begged.

Cas whispered his name, as if in prayer, before lining himself up and slowly pushing his slick sex into Dean prepped opening. He began to pump in and out and Dean inhaled sharply when he passed the delicate nerves of his prostate. His weeping dick bobbed between them and Cas grasped it in his hands, sweeping his thumb in the glisten over the slit. Dean convulsed under sensory overload and came embarrassingly quickly, coating their stomach’s in a sticky mess. The angel came just a second later, shooting his hot load deep inside the hunter. Both men were panting and coated in sweat by the time they collapsed back onto the bed.

They didn’t have much time to enjoy the post-coital cuddling, however, because they heard Sam’s booming voice from down the hall, “Dean! Cas! Change of plans! Get your asses down here!”

Okay, so the new plan was to kill the Darkness. If light had to die, then dark must die too. To maintain balance, or some shit. And Dean was the bomb. No, not like the 90s. A literal fucking suicide bomber.

“You can’t do this!” Claire cried when Rowena explained what Dean was supposed to do with the souls Billie helped them collect.

“I agree,” Cas said, shoving him to the side so they could talk a bit more privately. “I can’t let you go through with this.”

Sam joined their little huddle, “Dean… I…” he started, his face pinched.

“I know Sammy,” Dean said to his brother and then turned to Cas and Claire. “You guys are my family. I’m gonna do what I can to keep you safe… We agreed we were gonna stop trying to talk each other out of shit, right Sam?”

Sam simply nodded. Dean looked back at Rowena. “Let’s do this.”

Full of souls and feeling, well, fucking weird and a bit tingly, Chuck transported them all, Olive included, to his mother’s grave to say goodbye. The three people he loved most in the world stood by him as he looked over the headstone. Cas held Olive in his arms, and Dean absently scratched her ears as he attempted to muster up the courage to do what had to be done.

Without a word, he walked back to where Chuck, Rowena, and Crowley were waiting for him. “You cool with this?” he asked the ragged god.

“No,” he sighed. “Even after everything she's done, Amara's still my sister. She's my family. I can't.. I don't want to see her dead, but…”

“I understand,” Dean promised him with a sad smile. Chuck knew they had to do it, but that didn’t mean it was an easy decision for him to make.

“Dean…” Cas said from his side.

Dean turned to see his angel with tears streaming down his face. He handed the cat to Claire and quickly engulfed the hunter in a bone crushing hug.

“Know that I will always love you…” Dean breathed into his ear.

“I could go with you,” Cas muttered into his neck.

Dean pulled back to look at his face one last time. “No, baby. I’ve got to do this alone,” he said with a hitch in his voice. “Look after them, alright? Look after our family for me. Sam, Claire, Olive… They’ll need you when I’m gone.”

Dean kissed his lips tenderly before he turned to Chuck. “I’m ready.”

End of chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter starts with a small recap of the season 11 finale and jumps right into season 12. Amara will have no more direct screen time. Thank Chuck...


	32. Mary Winchester

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I formally apologize for Mary's behavior. Trigger warning for her blatant 80s style homophobia.

**Part III - I Choose a Mortal Life**

**Chapter 32**

Dean:

Amara told him that she’d give him what he needed most. Apparently, he’d taught God and his sister the value of family, because the thing she gave him was his mother. As soon as Chuck and Amara double helixed the fuck off to wherever the hell, he found her. There she was in her white nightgown, barefoot in the woods. A June breeze combing through her hair.

She stared at him as he reached for her, cautious. As soon as his hand brushed against her arm, she went into hunter mode and pinned him to the ground. He tasted dirt as he fell. Of course she didn’t recognize him. _Her_ Dean was a four year old boy, not a man in his thirties.

It took some convincing, but eventually, Mary remembered. She remembered her death. That night, thirty-three years ago where she burned on the ceiling of her son’s nursery. She remembered it all. She recognized her son.

After he filled her in on what happened the past thirty years or so (minus a few choice details), mother and son drove back to the bunker in a car Mary hotwired herself.

“You live here?” Mary asked in awe as they descended the stairs into the war room, Mary clad in a sweater and jeans they picked up at an Old Navy on the way.

“Yeah, when we're not on the road. It's an old Men of Letters bunker,” Dean explained.

“Men of Letters? They're a myth. An old hunter's story,” she argued.

“Not so much,” Dean told her.

Before he could go into more detail, he saw the red pool of blood on the tile. _Shit._ Dean followed the trail, cocking his .45 as he approached the library.

“Cas? Sammy?” he called, peeking his head around a bookshelf. “Claire?”

And that’s when he saw the angel banishing sigil. He pulled the Colt from it’s hiding place under the desk and handed it to Mary, instructing her to stay in the library while he looked for the rest of his family.

“Claire? Cas?” he called as he made his way down the hall towards the bedrooms.

“Dean!” Claire shouted and all but jumped into his arms, despite the loaded gun.

“Whoa,” he cautioned as he put the safety on a tucked it into his pants before returning her embrace. “Where’s Cas?”

“I don’t know! Dean, Sam’s been-” she started but was interrupted by a shout from the library.

Dean rushed back to find his mother pointing the Colt at his fiancé.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Dean cautioned, putting his hands up. “It's okay. It's okay. He's family, all right?”

“Dean!” Cas cried and threw his arms around the hunter. “You’re alive,” he said into his shoulder, as if in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Dean muttered, placing a soft kiss on his temple.

“What about the bomb and the Darkness? What happened?” he asked, pulling away to look Dean in the eyes.

“Shh, babe, I'll tell you everything,” Dean promised. “Where’s Sam?”

“He’s not here,” Cas huffed, his voice panicked.

“That’s what I was trying to tell you,” Claire said before giving Cas a hug too.

“Are you guys hunters?” Mary asked, her face scrunched up in confusion.

“She is,” Cas said gesturing to Claire. “I’m an angel.”

“An Angel, with a capital ‘A.’ You know… wings… harp,” Dean tried to explain.

“No, I don't have a harp,” Cas grunted, looking at Dean with annoyance.

Dean smiled fondly at him. “This is Castiel.. My, uh, my fiancé. And this here is Claire, his… uh… his daugher,” Dean said, explaining the best he could with limited time. “Cas, this is... Mary. Winchester.”

Cas looked at him blankly and then his expression shifted to understanding. “Your mother.”

“I’m sorry… Fiancé?” Mary asked, looking between the two with wide eyes.

“Uh, yeah. I… I thought the angel part’d have you more tripped up,” Dean admitted with a shrug. He didn’t have time to explain further. Turning back to Cas he asked, “So, wait, where is Sam? He's not answering his phone and there's blood on the floor. What’s going on?”

“I don't know,” Cas admitted. “We came back here, there was a woman waiting for us. She blasted me away. I don't know who she was. I don't know what happened to Sam.”

“She knocked me out and she took him,” Claire explained. “Spooked the hell out of Olive too. She won’t come out of the dungeon.”

“Wait, who’s Olive?” Mary asked “And you have a _dungeon?”_

“Uh, Olive’s our cat… And yeah, we’ve got a dungeon,” Dean said, dismissing her question with a wave of his hand before turning back to Cas and Claire. “You said woman. Not an angel. Not a demon. A human?”

“She was human,” Cas nodded.

Dean went to his laptop, and much to Mary’s amazement, was able to hack the traffic cams around town. He found her in a black SUV that left town several hours ago. They’d start there.

After checking to make sure Olive was okay, the four of them headed to the garage. Upon seeing the Impala, Mary paused. The way she looked at the back seat, Dean was pretty sure he was, um, conceived in Baby. He didn’t want to think about it.

In the car, Dean let Mary ride shotgun. They were all quite for a couple of minutes and then his mother gave him a quizzical look.

“So… You’re gay?” she asked.

Dean almost veered off the road and Claire stifled a laugh.

“Uh, you really wanna get into this now?” he asked.

“No… Yes… Maybe…” Mary stammered, obviously uncomfortable. “It’s just that you don’t come across-”

“The 1980s called. It wants it’s homophobia back,” Claire mumbled from the backseat.

“Yeah. I’m not gay,” Dean said, not taking his eyes off the road.

“I’m confused. You’re engaged to a man… but you’re not gay?” Mary asked.

“Nope,” Dean said, his lips smacking together on the ‘p.’

“He’s bi,” Claire explained.

“Well, _technically_ Cas is genderless so I’m probably more pan than bi, but yeah.”

“Pan?” Mary asked.

“Uh, pansexual,” Dean explained.

“So you have sex with… pans?”

“No, it just means that, uh, gender isn’t an issue for me. Hell ain’t even an issue that Cas isn’t human. I love him, you know? ‘Love is love’ and all that,” Dean tried to explain.

“So have you always been this way?”

“Long as I can remember.”

“I don’t mean to be... insensitive… I just didn’t expect-”

Dean cut her off. “You know what? We’ll talk about this later, ok?” he said, hoping to drop the topic for good.

* * *

Cas:

Cas sat down at the table with four coffees in a drink carrier. He handed one to Claire who grunted a ‘thank you’ and then handed Mary hers. “This must be difficult for you,” he observed. “I remember my first moments on Earth. It was jarring.”

Mary sighed, “That’s one word for it… I grew up with hunters. I've heard of people coming back from the dead before. But to actually do it... after thirty years. A lot's changed. A lot.” She looked at her son who was on pacing on his phone a couple of yards away.

“Dean’s a good man,” Cas promised her. “I know, uh, that the... parameters of our relationship weren't… common in your time,” he stammered.

“I know my family wasn’t religious, but…” Mary stopped trying to find the right words. “But what does God say about…?” she asked with a sweeping gesture between Cas and Dean.

“Not that he’s been around for most of humanity,” Cas said bitterly, “But he’s utterly indifferent to sexual orientation. He himself is bisexual.”

“Oh…” Mary said in a small voice. She looked at the blonde hunter who was currently texting away on her phone. “Another thing I’m not very clear on… Claire’s your daughter?”

But before Cas had a chance to answer, Dean sauntered back over to the table.

“Find anything?” Cas asked him as he took his seat.

“Yeah, ran the tail number that what's-his-face gave us. The plane that Evil Elsa flew in on has diplomatic registry,” Dean said around a mouthful of coffee.

“Which means?” Mary asked.

“Which means its flight plans are sealed unless you want to hack the State Department,” Dean explained. Cas groaned and ran his palm down his face.

“Who are these people?” Mary asked, her voice rising with surprise and exasperation.

* * *

Dean:

Almost a week later, Dean was on the phone with Cas. “I don't know,” he admitted, wracking his brain. “Check real-estate offices. See if anybody bought a place or rented a place. I mean, these people had a fucking plane. Maybe they do things legit.”

_“Okay, I understand... I love you. I'll call you in the morning.”_

Dean didn’t want him to go. “Cas, wait,” he paused. “So, here's the thing. It's been kind of weird here with, you know, Mom being back. It's like we don't know how to act around each other, so we just kind of make this small talk and act normal, but it's – it's so not normal.”

_“Um, I'm – I'm not sure. What – what has she said to you?”_

“Well, nothing. Not since she found out about us,” Dean sighed.

_“Okay, well, have you said anything to her?”_

“I don't know what to say to her, you know? It – it's like it's all just too much, and… I don't want to overwhelm her. I know she’s from a different time or whatever.”

_“Has Claire said anything?”_

Dean laughed, “No, I, um, specifically told her to back off. She has been calling her ‘G-ma’ though, which is weird.”

_“Is your mother bothered by that?”_

“No, actually. I think she prefers Claire to be honest. I dunno… it’s probably hard waking up in a strange forest with a creepy bisexual dude in his mid-thirties claiming to be your son. Claire is probably more her speed.”

_“You aren’t creepy Dean. You just come on a little... strong.”_

“Which is exactly why I’m letting her take the time to adjust,” Dean said. He wanted to say more but finding Sam was more important.

_“I’m sure she’ll come around.”_

“You’re right babe... I’m gonna let you get back to it. Love ya.”

_“Talk to you later, Dean.”_

As soon as Cas hung up, Mary came around the corner and joined him in the library, Olive following at her feet. She was wearing his ‘dead guy robe.’

“Any news on Sam?” she asked.

“Yeah, um, looks like he’s somewhere outside of Aldrich, Missouri,” Dean said pulling out a chair for her. “Cas is going through it with a fine-toothed comb, and I've cracked every database I could.”

“Every what?” Mary asked, looking at his laptop screen with confusion.

“Right. No Internet your first time around,” Dean smirked.

“Our house didn't have an electric typewriter,” Mary laughed softly but her expression changed quickly as she made eye contact with Dean. “So... are you really afraid of overwhelming me?”

“Mom, look, I am... thrilled that you're back. I mean, I'm so damn happy, I-I-I can't even stand it,” Dean stuttered. He wasn't ready to have this conversation.

“I just... it's just gonna take me a second to catch up, you know?” Mary admitted. “Especially about the whole… gay thing… _bi…_ whatever.”

“Yeah… I… I, uh, I get it, you know?” Dean lied. He'd always pictured Mary as being the more loving of his parents. He knew where John stood on the whole LGBT thing, but to find out that his mother had issues with it? It fucking sucked. 

Mary sighed and looked at her hands. “And when we do find Sam... how am I gonna face him?”

Dean didn’t expect that. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“That yellow-eyed thing would never have come for him that night if I…” Mary paused. “I started all of this.”

End of chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't hate Mary, I just... don't always like Mary.


	33. Orlando

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I talk about the Pulse Orlando night club shooting at the beginning of this chapter. Feel free to skip to the first page-break if this is a sensitive topic for you. I just realized that this happened around this point in my timeline and since the actors paid tribute and in light of the recent anniversary of the tragedy, I thought I'd like to memorialize it somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BMoL = British Men of Letters

**Chapter 33**

Dean:

The next morning, Dean was frying up eggs while Claire was sulking at the table; Tweeting or some shit. Olive watched him from her perch on the counter, still as a statue. Her wide eyes intense and curious, as if she were studying his odd human ways.

“Holy shit…” Claire muttered, her breath hitching.

“What?” Dean asked

“Oh my god!” she cried, running her hands through her hair and staring at her phone in disbelief.

 _“What?”_ Dean asked again, abandoning his eggs to take a peek at Claire’s phone.

“There was a, um, shooting at a gay bar in Orlando…” Claire whispered.

“Jesus…”

“Yeah, uh, last night. Forty-nine people killed, just as many injured…”

“Shit…”

“They’re calling it a terrorist attack. A hate crime,” Claire said softly and a shudder went through Dean’s body. He knew what something like this meant to them, to their relationships, the ability for people like them to live peacefully with the ones they loved. Of all the monsters he fought on the daily, _humans_ were the biggest of them all.

“Hey,” Dean said, kneeling next to her to get her attention. “I know this shit is scary, fuck it scares the hell out of me, but don’t you dare let the monsters win, ok?” he said, placing his hand on her shoulder and squeezing. “I know the temptation to run and hide in the face of evil like this, believe me, I do, but that’s not how you honor them. That’s not how you remember or mourn the lives lost in the name of love…  Love trumps hate. I truly believe that. It ain’t just a silly campaign slogan,” he smiled softly at her as she wiped her face with the back of her hand, smearing mascara down her cheek. “We gotta face this shit with pride, not fear. We keep fighting until we win. This… this hatred is just another thing we gotta hunt.”

Claire threw her arms around Dean’s shoulders. “The family business…” she murmured.

“That’s right, kiddo.”

* * *

Dean smelt burning and unlatched himself from Claire, standing up quickly. “Oh shit,” he cursed as he returned to the stove, turning charred eggs over in the pan, trying to salvage them.

With a little culinary magic and a bit of salt, pepper, and paprika, Dean determined the eggs were still edible. He began scooping two servings onto a couple of plates when Mary walked into the room. “Hey, how'd you sleep?” he asked her as he considered splitting the two portions into three.

“I had dreams all night,” she said as she joined Claire at the table, she had not yet noticed the young hunter's blotchy skin and red nose or the fact that she was desperately trying to hide behind her hair, using the phone in her lap as a mirror to wipe the smudged makeup from her cheeks.

“Good dreams?” Dean asked, drawing the attention to himself instead of the young woman at the table. Thinking better of letting his mother go hungry, he scraped half of his eggs from his plate onto a clean one for her.

“Stuff I'd forgotten about,” Mary said as he set the three plates down at the table. “Funny stuff your dad did. He was a great father.” She smiled fondly and took a bite of her slightly burned breakfast.

Dean’s phone rang before he had a chance to break Mary’s bubble about his dad’s parenting skills. “Hey, Cas, what you got?”

_“I think I may have found Sam's location. It's a farm. It appears empty, but it was rented two weeks ago to a woman with an English accent.”_

“Did you have a look inside?” Dean asked and Mary put her fork down, watching him with a pointed look on her face.

_“No it's powerfully warded.”_

“Powerfully warded? Okay, see, baby, that – that was your headline right there,” Dean shook his head.

_“Are we still discussing the same thing?”_

Dean closed his eyes and ignored the temptation to audibly groan. “Where are you?” he asked instead.

_“I'll text you the address.”_

“Got it... Love you. See you when I get there,” he told him. He didn’t like to hang up without saying it. Just in case.

“Love you too, Dean. See you soon,” Cas said as he hung up the phone.

Dean shoved one last bite of egg into his mouth and stood up, Mary followed. “I'll get my coat,” she said.

“Wait… Uh, why don't I take this one solo, ok? You stay here, keep Claire company,” he told her. “We just… we don't know what we're walking into here.”

Mary gave him a blank look. “We never know. We're hunters.”

“Right… It’s just that you’re, um, rusty, you know? And I can't do my job if I'm worried about you,” he admitted.

Mary smiled, “Dean. You won't have to be. I can handle myself. Ok?” she said, patting him on the back. “Alright, good talk.” And with that, Mary left the kitchen.

“I’m coming too,” Claire said, following her.

Dean looked at Olive who was observing the whole scene silently from her perch. “Oh, boy…” he muttered to no one in particular.

* * *

“I can't believe I let you guys talk me into this,” Dean said as the Impala cruised down the rain-slicked highway.

“I'm your mother. You have to do what I say,” Mary smirked from the passenger seat. Dean glanced at her and she sighed, “Look. They targeted the bunker. They obviously know a lot about you and Sam. They'll be expecting you. _I'm_ the last person they'd expect.”

It was Dean’s turn to sigh. “You know when you died, it changed Dad. I mean, he was hell bent on finding out what happened. The hunter life, it just took him over. I guess I was the same. But Sammy... Sammy, he was different. He wanted out. He went to school. Went to Stanford.”

“Sam had a chance to get out? And he came back?” his mother frowned.

“When Dad disappeared, Sam and I looked around, and something became very clear. That the only thing we had in this world – the only thing, aside from this car – was each other,” he explained and Claire cleared her throat from the backseat. Dean smiled. “That is, until now. We lost our family so we made our own, I guess.”

Mary didn’t say anything, she just nodded and looked out the window. Dean felt his chest constrict uncomfortably. Until this morning, he blamed Mary’s reaction to him and Cas on her sudden appearance into the 21st Century. He’d assumed she’d warm up eventually. But now he was thinking that maybe she wouldn’t. Afterall, people from this time _still_ hadn’t. Maybe this would always be something he and Cas and Claire’d have to deal with.

* * *

Outside the farmhouse, they pulled up behind Cas’s ‘new’ truck. He’d stolen it after he was banished by Brit-bitch and claimed it as his own. Lucifer had somehow lost the Continental, but Dean wasn’t upset to be rid of the piss-ugly thing. Not that ancient looking pickup was much better.

Dean suddenly recognized the truck from a movie Cas had forced him to watch recently. “Really?” he asked, approaching Cas. “The truck from Brokeback Mountain?”

“I didn’t really have a choice, Dean,” he said but something in his eyes told Dean he was amused with the new information.

“Where's all this warding you mentioned?” Dean asked him gesturing at the normal looking white house.

“It's cloaked. It's very powerful,” Cas said looking back at Mary and Claire. “You brought your mother?”

“Yes, he did,” Mary answered as she approached the couple.

“So, what, you’re not bothered by the fact that Claire’s gonna face down the people who knocked her out?” Dean asked, suddenly annoyed.

“I have complete confidence that Claire can handle herself,” Cas stated and Claire beamed up at him.

Dean sighed and looked at the building in front of them. “You sure there's anyone inside?” he asked.

“No,” Cas admitted. “The agent said the lease was handled long distance, but _someone_ warded the house.”

“I'm gonna go have a closer look,” Dean said, patting Cas on the back. He began walking up the dirt driveway but Claire and Mary followed.

“Guys, I got this,” he sighed.

“You can keep me from driving, Dean. Not from hunting,” Mary informed him.

Dean shook his head and looked at Cas, his eyes pleading. Somehow, over the years, he and the angel had formed a silent language of sorts. His fiancé knew exactly what he meant and came to the rescue. “I'm locked out by the warding. I could use the company,” he said and Dean prayed a silent ‘thank you’ that he knew Cas heard. He didn’t want to leave Cas alone with her, but he didn’t want her to get hurt either.

He began to walk away again with Claire at his heels. “Whoa, hold on Speedy, where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m gonna help you with recon or whatever,” she answered with a shrug.

“No, you’re not,” Dean sighed. “This ain’t a hunt, ok? Monsters are predictable, Claire, but people… People are dangerous.”

 _Cas, come on babe, help!_ Dean prayed.

“Claire?” Cas called from where he was leaning against the truck. “Why don’t you wait with me until Dean calls for backup?”

The young woman left his side with a mumble about wanting to be treated like an adult and Dean gave Cas a nod of thanks.

* * *

Cas:

“I thought you said I could handle it?” Claire scoffed at Cas as soon as Dean was out of hearing distance.

Cas sighed. “I forgot how dangerous humans can be to the powerless,” he admitted. “But believe me when I say that you are fearsome enough to take on the creatures the Winchesters usually hunt.”

Claire smiled at this and pulled her phone from her pocket, presumably to text Alex. Cas wondered what the future held for the young couple but Mary cleared her throat beside him, breaking him from his thoughts.

“So…” she said as she fidgeted uncomfortably. “Do you love him?”

Cas looked at her and the side of his mouth pulled into a half smile. “Yes. In all my millennia of existence, I have never met a more beautiful soul than the one that resides within your son… It shone bright through the darkness of Hell and from the moment I laid my hands on him, I knew I was lost. That I’d never be the same.”

“I have a feeling you mean that literally?” Mary asked him.

Cas nodded, “It may not be my place to inform you of this, but I met Dean in Hell.”

“You met him in _Hell?”_

Cas nodded again. “I was the one who pulled him from the pit. I saved him from damnation, but really he was the one who saved me.”

“How do you mean?” Mary asked.

“Dean is a remarkably strong man. He does not give up easily... Let’s just say that I was on the wrong side of history and that he convinced me to follow my own path. He taught me free will and I rebelled from Heaven for him,” the angel stated calmly.

“Why would you rebel from Heaven? Aren’t they the good guys?”

“Heaven pretends to follow the side of righteousness but it is corrupt. In the battle between Heaven and Hell I chose Humanity. I chose Dean Winchester.”

Mary whistled. “Look, Cas-” she started but Cas held up his hand.

“They’ve been gone a long time,” he said, squinting his eyes at the farmhouse. “You should go and check on them.”

Mary agreed and made her way towards the house.

“She’s coming around,” Claire said and Cas turned to find her sitting on the hay bales in the truck bed.

“It may take time, but I’m confident she’ll find a place of acceptance.”

“Do you think everyone else will?” Claire asked. She didn’t have to clarify that she was talking about society.

“Humans have deep-seated homophobic tendencies, but your race has come a long way. Maybe if you listened to your hearts more than you listened to the opinions of others, things would get better.”

Claire simply nodded. They stayed there for a couple of more minutes in comfortable silence. Cas heard the car approach before he saw it.

“Wait here,” he instructed Claire as he walked towards it.

* * *

Dean:

Dean circled around the building, trying each door and peeking through each window. They were all covered in tarp and nobody appeared to be home. He was just about to make his way to the back of the group when he noticed the cellar door. He jiggled it’s handle. Locked. He considered busting it down when suddenly, a sigil lit up on the ground beneath his feet.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath.

He was instantly teleported inside and a blonde woman in her late twenties smiled at him. “Why, hello Dean,” she said in a British accent. He was unable to move from the symbol on the floor. What was this, a devil's trap for humans? “Why don’t we pay your dear brother Sam a visit, shall we?” she asked as she cuffed his immobile hands and whispered an incantation that made him feel weak and woozy.

Despite being much smaller than him, and in heels, she managed to shove his useless ass towards a door. She opened it and paused in the frame and he heard his brother’s strained voice tell her to go fuck herself before she dragged him to the top of the stairs. Sammy’s eyes widened when he saw him. “Dean?” he choked out in disbelief.

Trying to ignore the cuts and bruises his brothers sported, Dean looked around the basement as the British woman led him down the stairs, desperately trying to formulate a plan.

“I'm as happy to see him as you are, 'cause while you may be able to withstand my snapping apart your body joint by joint, can you watch it happen to Dean?” the woman said as she shoved him down on the cold, wet, concrete floor.

She muttered the incantation again and Dean slumped his head down, unable to get back up. The blonde was surprisingly strong as she grabbed Dean by his jacket and forced him up and off the floor. She then took the chains around his wrists and slipped them over hooks hanging from the ceiling and walked over to a tool bench. When her back was turned Dean took the time to ocularly diagnose his brother’s state of health. He looked worse for wear but not in critical condition.

The woman approached him again and punched him across the face with a pair of brass knuckles. Dean saw stars.

“Passcodes, Sam?” she asked and his brother said nothing “Not yet?”

She made her way back to the workbench and Dean raised his head to look at her, spitting blood to the floor as he did.

“Anything to add?” she asked him, with a smirk on her lips.

“No,” Dean gruffed spying the cup on the bench. “No, I just came by for some tea and a beating.”

The woman put down the bass knuckles and picked up the cup of tea. “Really? See, I thought you might be on for a little chat about your mate, Benjamin Lafitte. I'm sorry, you called him Benny. You know, the vampire whom you released from Purgatory and befriended,” she said and Dean looked away. “I see. Well... the English are nothing if not patient.” She placed her cup and saucer down and slipped on the brass knuckles. Dean looked at Sam, his eyes an apology before the woman decked his face again.

After a few strikes to his center of mass, she smiled politely and went back up the stairs, leaving the brothers alone.

“Dean,” Sam whispered from beside him.

Dean’s head hurt like hell but he lifted it to look at his brother. “Hey.”

“I thought you were dead,” the younger Winchester said softly.

“I'm not sure that I'm not,” Dean admitted. Fuck, his skull was _still_ vibrating. Sam clearly wanted to hear more so Dean added, “I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything, ok? First off, who's Angry Spice?”

“She, uh, she's Men of Letters,” Sam said. “British Men of Letters.

“Is that a thing?” Dean asked. Why hadn't they heard of them? “What the hell? Aren't we supposed to be on the same team?”

Before Sam could answer the doors opened and Miss British Men of Letters herself waltzed down the stairs. “Gentlemen,” she greeted them “So, to recap… you live in the Men of Letters bunker, awash in the world's greatest collection of occult knowledge, and yet you know ‘nothing.’”

“Right,” Dean said with a smirk. “What a waste.” His chuckle turned into a cough as his lungs burned from the beating.

“It seems you apes have never read a single book,” the woman said. “The Men of Letters has a long tradition of intellectual excellence. In London, we've undertaken exhaustive studies of even the most arcane topics.” She picked an ice pick from her tool bench. “For example, parts of the body most sensitive to intense pain.” She grabbed Dean’s face in an ice-cold grip. Her fingers were fucking freezing. Dean realized she hadn’t broken a sweat at all while torturing him. She was a well-trained professional. They were in over their heads.

The woman spoke again, “The ear drum.” She pointed the device at Dean’s ear. Below the belt, of course,” she said, dragging the tip of the pick down to Dean’s crotch, scraping at the denim. “And my favorite, under the eyelid.” She looked him dead in the eyes as she said this. Her own, cold and unfeeling. Dean was no stranger to torture. He knew her game. “Did you know it's possible to die from pain?” she asked him as she raised the sharp object and placed it against the sensitive skin under his eye.

Before she could puncture his flesh Dean heard the sound of a gun cocking. The British lady heard it as well and turned around, coming face to face with Mary. “Get away from my boys,” she growled.

“Mom?” Sam asked, his voice surprised.

“Yeah,” Dean answered with pride.

Their mother grabbed the keys from the workbench, pistol still pointed at the BMoL. “Drop it. Now,” she demanded and the woman complied, placing her instrument of torture to the floor.

Mary handed the keys to Dean and he began working on his shackles.

“Get on the ground,” Mom ordered.

The woman didn’t make a move so Mary went to smack her in the face with her gun but the British bitch was faster, she knocked the gun out of her hands and it clanked to the floor, sliding well out of reach. She smacked both Dean and Sam in an attempts to slow them down and spun around to punch Mary in the throat. Her fist met her gut and Mary grunted as the woman threw her into the wall. Dean quickly unlocked his shackles and dove for the gun, firing a shot into the air.

The woman picked up a piece of glass from a broken mirror and cut into her hand.

“Xi” she spoke and Mary began to gasp as she clutched her throat. She fell to her knees.

Dean pointed his gun at the BMoL and approached her. “Kill the spell now. I'm not kidding.”

“Shoot me, and your mother has no chance,” she wanted him.

Dean punched her in the face, hard, and she fell to the ground in a heap. As soon as she hit the floor, Mary began to breathe.

“She was using a Chinese mind-control technique,” he explained, helping his mother up. “Hard to do when you're unconscious. Turns out this ape did read a book or two.”

After making sure Mary was ok, Dean unlocked Sam’s cuffs and wrapped him in a tight hug, despite his wounds.

“Well played,” a male British voice said from the staircase, Cas was standing a few steps above him in a defensive position. “What you were told is basically true. We were keen on knowing about the two of you, seeing as you seem to be partially carrying on the Men of Letters' work here now that the American chapter is defunct.”

The woman pulled herself up off the floor and Dean scowled at her. He turned back to the man. “So you sic your attack dog on us to what, say hi?”

“Well, part of our group suspect some kind of malfeasance amongst you American Hunters. No argument, Lady Bevell went too far. I deeply apologize,” he said. “She'll face consequences in London.”

“I'll tell you what, why don't you take a walk, and she can face those consequences right here and now?” Dean offered but the man shook his head.

“She's ours. We'll take care of her,” he told them. “Now, I'm here to extend an olive branch. We want to work with you.”

“Let me ask you a question, uh, Mick is it? Why would we believe any of this?” Sam asked.

“Lads... if I wasn't sincere, if I meant you harm, there's a dozen ways I could've come in here and taken you all prisoner instead of being unarmed,” he explained, opening his jacket to demonstrate his point. “Not to mention I powered down all the wardings in this shack so your attack dog could come in. I reckon you could finish me off without breaking a sweat. Am I right?”

“I don't sweat under any circumstances,” Cas growled and Dean tried to tell his cock that this was the exact _wrong_ time to become aroused.

“My number,” Mick said as he handed his card to Cas. Cas looked down at the thin piece of cardboard with mistrust before pocketing it. “Take your time, cool down, and just think it over. What have you got to lose, except your worst nightmares?”

* * *

Dean patted his stomach and leaned back. “Oh, that was fantastic. Thank you, Mom,” he said, pushing away the scraps of fried chicken that were left on his plate.

Claire nodded. “What he said.”

Mary set a blackberry pie down at the table and Dean eyed it lustfully. “I’m flattered but all I did was point at some stuff on a take-out menu. I would've cooked, but I, uh... don't,” she admitted.

“Well, now, wait,” Dean protested. “Your meatloaf was amazing.”

“Came from the Piggly Wiggly. Sorry to burst your bubble,” Mary said, patting him on the arm. “But do you still like pie?”

Dean chuckled, “I mean…” he attempted casually but quickly reached for the pie.

“Sam. You keep looking at me like I'm going to explode,” Mary commented.

“I'm sorry,” Sam chuckled sheepishly as Dean dished out a big piece of pie.

“But what do we think? Are we buying that Brit's whole ‘let's be friends’ routine?” Mary asked the group.

“Not even a little,” Cas answered as Dean started to quickly shove pie into his mouth, making orgasmic sounds as he chewed loudly. “Dean...” he warned and the hunter looked up.

“Could you eat that any faster?” Mary asked.

“No. No, I cannot,” Dean said around a mouthful, purple fruit smeared on his lips.

“Well, we should call the Internet and find out as much as we can about these people,” Mary said and Claire snorted. “Did I say that right?”

“So close,” Dean said sarcastically with his mouth full before offering the whole table a slice of pie, to which everyone refused. “More for me then,” he muttered as he shoveled another bite into his gullet, blissfully unaware of the crumbs sticking to his stubble. Cas took a napkin and wet it with his tongue before wiping Dean’s mouth for him. “Thanks, _Mom,”_ Dean muttered but bumped knees with Cas nonetheless.

* * *

Sam:

Dean had spent his whole life looking after Sam, it was only fair that Sam returned the favor every once in a while. He wanted to be there for his brother. He wanted to fight for him and Cas because dammit it was the right thing to do and the idiots deserved to be happy.

He took a deep breath before knocking on the door to his mother’s room and pushing his way in. “Hey. Hi. Sorry. I hope I didn't wake you up,” he said, despite the fact that the bed was still made and her lights were still on. “I, uh... wanted to bring you this,” he explained, setting the cup down on the desk where she was sitting.

“Thank you,” Mary said, genuinely.

“You're welcome. I don't know if you drink tea, but…”

“I do,” Mary replied.

“Good. Uh, and I wanted to say... if you ever want to talk, I know what it's like to come back and not feel like you really fit,” he said.

Mary sighed. “I just have so much about you boys to catch up on. Mother stuff. You know, first tooth, first crush… I just have a lot of blanks to fill in.”

“Right, uh, about that,” Sam said. “Dean’s first crush was a boy... Dad wasn’t… Well, he wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about it, you know? And Dean, Dean hid it for years. He doesn’t even know that I know about how Dad reacted. And now that he’s happy for the first time in his whole life, you show up and…”

“Sam…”

“Sorry. I know this is a lot,” Sam admitted and pulled John’s journal form under his arm to hand to his mother. “Dad's journal. His writing. His words. Helped me fill in some blanks… Answer some questions I didn't know I had. And, you know, it keeps him with us, sort of.”

“Thank you,” Mary said with a smile. She looked down at the worn leather and asked, “Dean said you got out of hunting? And yet here you are…?”

Sam shrugged. “Well, this is my family. My family hunts, you know? It's what we do… Mom. For me... just having you here... fills in the biggest blank,” he admitted. “Give Dean and Cas a chance, ok?”

Mary nodded, and with tears in her eyes, threw her arms around her youngest son in a tight embrace. 

* * *

Dean:

After Mary left for the night, Dean tore into a bottle of Jack despite Cas’s warnings. Maybe it was combined with what had happened in Orlando and Claire’s reaction to it, but it fucking hurt that his mother couldn't seem to come to terms with the fact that he and Cas were together. It fucking hurt that Claire, who he loved as a daughter, felt the need to be closeted around Mary. He took another swig straight out of the bottle and sunk to the floor, Cas sat down next to him and put his arm around his shoulder, rubbing his back as the tears came. He leaned into Cas, not caring if it seemed weak. Cas was his rock and foundation. He couldn’t think of a better man to spend the rest of his life with.

“What do you think about September?” he asked him.

“In what regards?” Cas asked and Dean could practically hear the head-tilt.

“For the wedding,” Dean explained, sitting up and wiping his eyes. “September 20th to be exact.”

Cas smiled. “The day we met in the barn.”

End of chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They technically met in Hell on the 18th but I think the barn incident counts as Dean's first memory of him.


	34. Defying Gravity

**Chapter 34**

Cas:

Cas went down the hall to the bunker’s kitchen to fetch Dean a glass of water so he could give him some Tylenol when he woke up. He was ashamed to admit it, as it made him a bad fiancé, but Dean had begun binge drinking again. Castiel disapproved, but he knew he couldn’t stop Dean. The man had a mind of his own. Perhaps he could hide the liquor? Or destroy it?

He stopped short when he saw Mary Winchester reading in the library, pausing at the door and tilting his head at her. It was close to three in the morning and not even Sam rose this early. When she saw him she gave a little start and smiled with embarrassment.

“Castiel. What are you doing up?” she asked him.

“I’m always up,” he informed her. “Angels don’t need to sleep.”

Mary raised her eyebrows at the new information. “Wish I had that problem,” she muttered. “Anyway… I think I’ll go try again.”

She stood walked past him, heading towards the living quarters, but Cas called after her, “Mary wait.” The blonde woman turned and looked at him and Cas lost his nerve. “Never mind,” he dismissed it.

“Cas…” Mary said. “After you left heaven, when did it start to feel like you fit? Like you… belonged here?”

“Well, I’m not quite sure I belong _anywhere_ but, Mary, you _do_ belong here,” Cas confessed to her. He almost told her that his desire to belong would be fulfilled by his plans to become human, but that was not information that would help her.

Mary smiled and opened her mouth to say something but must’ve thought better of it for she simply said, “Goodnight,” and left Cas alone in the quiet of the library.

* * *

Cas returned to their room with the water and set it on Dean’s bedside table next to a bottle of pain medicine he found in the drawer next to the lube. His fiancé had established a ‘no healing hangovers’ rule a long time ago. He figured he’d ‘earned them with his stupidity.’ So generic Walmart brand Tylenol would have to do. Castiel sighed and looked down at the sleeping form of the man he loved, so peaceful in his rest. The angel was already in just his shirt and slacks so he slipped out of both until he was down to his boxers and slid in besides Dean. He left the amulet that surprisingly survived being possessed. It comforted him to feel the wood pressed against his bare chest. When his chest touched Dean's back, the hunter snuggled into his embrace without waking.

The next morning Dean peeled open his eyes slowly and squinted up at Cas. “Mornin’ sunshine,” he croaked.

“Morning Dean,” Cas replied. “How’s your head?”

“Feels like I got in a fight with a grizzly and lost,” Dean grimaced.

“That bad, huh?” Cas sat up and handed him two white oval pills and the water he’d fetched several hours earlier.

“I’ll tell you one thing,” Dean said popping the pills in his mouth and taking a swallow. “I’m never having whisky again.”

“If only…” Cas muttered.

“I’m sorry?” Dean asked, obviously not hearing him.

“It’s nothing,” Cas said, thinking a splitting hangover wasn’t the best time to discuss Dean’s drinking problem. He decided to change the subject, “I think I may have a lead on Lucifer. I found a police report in Cleveland about a man whose eyes flared a glowing red. It could be Lucifer in a new body.” He held up his phone to show Dean the article he’d been reading while he slept.

“All right,” Dean said after he’d skimmed the page. “Yeah, that sounds like something. We should check it out.”

“No,” Cas protested. “The Devil is free because of me. Finding him is my responsibility.”

“Cas… You know that’s not true. I don’t blame you for anything.”

“I know Dean but I still feel as though I am at fault,” Cas stated, getting out of bed and picking up his clothing from the chair where he left them.

“Cas, you're gonna want some backup on this,” Dean tried to persuade him.

“If it is him, I will call you. In the meantime, I’d rather not involve you or your brother while the British Men of Letters remain an unknown factor,” the angel explained as he got dressed.

Dean sighed. “Babe, I know what you’re doing,” he said. “You’re trying to shield me from him out of some sense of guilt. But I promise you, I wanna go wherever you go, ok? I wanna help.”

“I know, Dean,” Cas murmured, sitting on the edge of the bed and cupping his cheek. “I just don’t want to worry you over this if it turns out to be a false lead. I promise that if anything comes of it, I’ll call you the very second I can. But until then, I’d like you to stay here and rest. Alright?”

* * *

Dean:

Dean wasn’t quite sure how he agreed to let Cas go to Ohio without him or how he’d somehow ended up in the Impala on his way to Minnesota for a ‘family hunting trip’ but here he was, cruising the highway on his way to check out some baby related abductions.

After a quick pitstop he got back into the driver’s seat and turned to his mother sitting shotgun.

He pulled three bags of jerky out of the plastic shopping bag from the gas station. “There's a lot of things that have gone to shit since you were here, but the variety in snack food flavors is not one of them,” he said before he introduced each snack one by one. “We got your teriyaki, we got your sriracha, and we got your chili lime… which is my personal favorite.”

“Let's give chili lime a whirl,” she said and Dean opened the bag for her, his face hopeful as she took a tentative bite. “It's… good. Artificial. Kinda tingly.”

“That's how you know it's working,” Dean said as he handed Claire the bag of sriracha jerky, digging into the teriyaki himself. It was his least favorite, but he was just that nice of a guy. Sam settled for a bruised gas station apple.

* * *

Cas:

As it turned out, the person in question was Vince Vincente, a rock-and-roll musician. Cas had just finished up his interview with Vince’s band-mate when he handed him his card with his new alliance, Agent Beyoncé.

As he was passing the bar on his way out of the hotel lobby, a familiar voice came from one of the stools. “I guess that makes me Agent Jay Z.”

Cas groaned. _Crowley._ Cas stormed out of the hotel without so much as a second glance. But the demon followed anyway.

“Bumping into each other, working the same leads. What are the odds, Cassie? Fate brought us together,” said the King of Hell.

“I'm not interested,” Cas growled, quickly walking back to his truck.

“Why not?” Crowley asked. “We made a somewhat effective team against Amara. It's been months, I mean _months_ since we last tried to kill each other. We both got very, very good reasons to want Lucifer dead.”

Cas knew this was a bad idea, but when the demon produced post-cards with the musician’s sister’s address, he couldn’t help but go along… for now.

* * *

When Vince’s sister mentioned a red-haired woman, Cas immediately knew who she referred to. On their way out of the single story home, the angel turned to Crowley with a scowl.

“I should've known there was something you weren't telling me,” he huffed. “Rowena?”

“So mother and I had an unfortunate, if not rather embarrassing, run-in with Lucifer. You're just mad because you're only my second choice for a Lucifer-hunt team-up,” the demon said.

Cas took the opportunity to break out some of the sarcasm skills he’d picked up over the years. “No, actually I think it's sweet. I thought your motivation was ambition and revenge, but now I know you just wanna save your mother,” he said sardonically.

Crowley paused and looked at him. “It's not about saving her. Lucifer has made off with a colossally powerful witch who, by the way, is the only person alive who can slam him back in the cage. He will either kill her, control her, or she will offer her services to the biggest bad in town in order to save her neck, like she always does. Do any of those sound like particularly good outcomes to you?” he asked.

Again, Cas was vexed to know he was right. He decided the best course of action was to relent and team up with the demon, against his better judgment.

* * *

They found Rowena sipping tea on the back porch of a small cabin the next town over.

“If you're looking for Lucifer, you _just_ missed him,” she informed them, standing up to greet them. “Until you forced me to get back in the game, I'd tried to forget about Lucifer. I loathe him, and I loathe that I had any part in letting him out of the pit he belongs in.”

“So you'll help us, then?” Cas asked cautiously.

“Good God, no,” the witch chuckled. “That whole FBI pantsuit look? Not my hex bag. But if you get Lucifer cornered and find yourself in need, I'm there.”

* * *

Dean:

“Hey, Mom, you ok?” Dean asked when the four of them had returned to the bunker after the case. Mary had been quite the whole ride back.

“No. I'm not,” Mary admitted after a moment. “I miss John. I miss my boys.”

“We're right here, Mom,” Sam said, his voice laced with a tinge of sadness.

“I know. But I'm still mourning them as I knew them. My baby Sam. My little boy Dean. Just feels like yesterday, we were together, and now… I'm here, and John is gone, and they're gone. And every moment I spend with you reminds me every moment I lost with them,” she explained.

“Mom… w-what are you trying to say?” Sam asked but Dean already knew.

“I have to go,” she told them. “I'm sorry. I'm so _so_ sorry. I just need a little time. To adjust. To you boys. To Cas...”

She stepped towards Dean as if she wanted a hug but Dean backed away and looked down. His mother looked at him another moment before turning and picking up John’s journal. She gave Claire and Sam tight hugs before turning back to Dean.

“I love you all,” she said before picking up her bag and walking out the door.

Later that night, Dean called Cas. He was sitting in his bedroom and had just finished his 6th beer. He decided to pour himself a couple fingers of whiskey for good measure.

“Hey, babe, still busy on the case?” he asked as soon as Cas answered.

_“Um, not at the moment, no. Crowley and I-”_

“Wait… Crowley?” Dean snarled. “Great! This day keeps getting better and better!”

 _“Dean, are you drunk?”_ Cas asked, his voice laced with concern.

“No, course not… Maybe a little... I’m working on it,” Dean admitted.

 _“Dean…”_  his fiancé scolded.

“Well, you know, first you leave me and then mom leaves and then I find out you’re working with fucking Crowley so… Looks like Stella and Jack are my only company tonight," Dean said, leaning back in his chair. He of course was referring to Stella Artois and Jack Daniels. The beer was a little more expensive than he normally drank, he'd planned on cracking them open over a 'date night' consisting of a couple of the Avengers movies with Cas, but that wasn't likely to happen at this point. Not now that Cas was chumming it up with the King of Hell.

_“Dean I didn’t LEAVE you. You know I’ll be back as soon as I can. And I’m sure your mother will be back soon as well… And the Crowley thing is just a matter of convenience. It’s not as if I trust him or anything.”_

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Dean muttered, taking another swig before putting his head in his hands. “Mom’s not coming back. She said she needs ‘time to adjust.’ Whatever that means.”

Cas was silent for a moment. _“Tell me what happened.”_

“I already told you!” Dean practically shouted. “She left! She said she missed ‘her boys’ and needed time to adjust to me and you…”

_“Dean, I am so sorry. I just… I don’t know what to say.”_

“Say you’ll come home. Say you’ll stay with me until after the wedding,” Dean pleaded.

 _“We ran into a dead end on the Lucifer sighting. Rowena will keep us informed of his activities,_ _”_ Cas said.

“Is that a yes?”

Cas sighed. _“Dean, I want to, I really do… Just know that I’ll be on call the entire time. And that Crowley is a necessary evil in all of this. He’ll be keeping regular contact.”_

“Yeah yeah, angel-demon team-up. I get it. I just want you home,” Dean told him. Right now, Dean needed his angel.

 _“I’ll be there,”_ Cas promised.

* * *

In the weeks leading up to August, Cas helped the brothers with two cases. One involved a girl who was being held captive by her nut-job religious family. The other, Hitler.

They celebrated Olive’s estimated birthday on August 3rd, she was officially a year old (according to the vet). Although, they didn’t bring her home until last November so it would be another few months before they celebrated ‘Olive-versary’ as Dean called it, or ‘Olive Day’ as Cas insisted it be called.

On the morning of the third of August, Cas was cuddled up in bed with the kitten, as per usual, when Dean came back from his shower with a small gift bag.

“I made a quick detour to my car,” he explained, handing Cas the bag filled with the toys they'd purchased together the day before.

“Is she supposed to open this or am I?” Cas asked, eyeing the pink polka-dot bag suspiciously.

“I dunno… Maybe lay it on the bed, see if she bites…”

“I have never known Olive to bite,” Cas said, squinting at Dean.

“It’s an expression, Cas. See if she’s interested,” Dean explained with a roll of his eyes.

Sure enough, the small grey kitten crawled inside the bag, knocked it over, and stayed there; playfully swatting at Cas’s face when he got too close.

“She seems more interested in the bag itself than the gifts inside,” Cas observed.

“Yeah, I figured,” Dean said with a chuckle. “They’re out of the packaging so I’m sure she’ll play with them sooner or later.”

While Olive played, Dean sat down on the bed next to Cas.

“So… wedding’s in a little over a month…” he observed.

“Yeah,” Cas smiled. “I’m glad it’s finally happening.”

“Don’t you think we should plan the details of the big day?” Dean asked. To be honest, he hadn’t been to too many weddings. And he wasn’t entirely sure what one between two guys was supposed to look like.

“I suppose,” Cas replied. He pulled Dean down into a laying position so that Dean’s head was resting on his chest. “Like what?”

“Like, where are we gonna do it, first of all?”

“In the woods outside the bunker, I suppose… There’s a clearing that with wildflowers that bloom into the fall.”

“That sounds perfect,” Dean admitted. “What time were you thinking we should have the ceremony? Call me a sap, but I think it’d be really, uh, beautiful at sunset.”

“It’s our wedding, Dean. You’re allowed to be a sap,” Cas told him. “And sunset sounds perfect.”

“Great. So who we gonna invite?”

“Well, Sam, obviously. And Claire.”

“Yeah, but they live here,” Dean noted. “And besides, I was thinking Sam could officiate it. It’s not like either of us are legal citizens, strictly speaking, so we don’t need it to be _official_ official, but it’ll save us the trouble of choosing who’s best man Sammy gets to be. I was actually thinking about skipping groomsmen altogether. And none of that fancy walking down the aisle shit, if guys do that. Just simple vows in front of our friends and family.”

“Well, as far a guests go… Jody and Alex, obviously. If Jody’s coming, she’ll probably want to invite Donna, don’t you think?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, Claire said something about them being a couple now…”

“That means we should probably invite Eileen, for Sam. And Kevin and his mother… And your mother, of course.”

Dean stiffened by Cas’s side. “That is, if Mary wants to come,” he grunted. “She made it very clear how she felt about us.”

“I’m sure she’ll want to come, Dean. You _are_ her son.”

Dean didn’t say anything for quite some time and Cas nudged his shoulder to make sure he was still awake.

“Hmm?” Dean grunted against Cas’s chest.

“What about rings? And cake? I’ve watched enough movies to know weddings typically have cake but we could do a pie if you want,” Cas said.

“Nah, cake’s fine. But nothing white and towering. I want chocolate.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” Cas smirked.

“And as far as rings go, don’t worry, I’ve got that covered. I’ll just need to know your ring size.”

As the couple discussed the finer details of the wedding and the reception, they were interrupted Sam’s voice coming from the hall.

“Oh my god! Dean? Cas? Get your asses out here you guys!” he shouted.

Dean shrugged and got off of Cas, pulling him up and out of bed by the hand. When he opened the door they was greeted by a woman with bobbed red hair.

“What’s up bitches?!” Charlie squealed, beaming large.

End of chapter 34


	35. Trench Coat Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited for this you guys! *hums Elvis under breath and cries a little*
> 
> I'm not really sure who the last person Dean slept with pre-season 9 is, I can't find a list anywhere. So, other than re-watching the season, my only solution is to make shit up. So for the purposes of my fic, let's just say, that Dean hasn't slept with anyone since season 8. Let's pretend, for a second, that Dean had a very unsatisfying one-night-stand sometime between Purgatory and Cas becoming human. His heart just wasn't in it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some important songs to set the mood ;)
> 
> Here is Elvis's [ Can't Help Falling in Love](https://youtu.be/vGJTaP6anOU)
> 
> Dean's Lullaby aka [ Plead The Fifth (Hallelujah)](https://youtu.be/OlDcdu3DxYs) as well as Tyler Ward's[ Trench Coat Angel](https://youtu.be/yTZ7TXTBegM) which I swear was written for Destiel.

**Chapter 35**

“Charlie? What the hell…? How?” Dean sputtered. “We burned your body.”

“Yeah, wasn’t me. That was a glamour,” Charlie shrugged.

“I don’t understand… W-where’ve you been?” Dean asked.

“Oz,” she said as she took a step into their room. “Hey, Cas.”

“Wait… You were there this whole time?” Dean asked, his voice pitched high in disbelief.

“Yeah. It’s kind of a long story... Is that a kitten?!” she squealed, noticing Olive peeking out of her bag.

“Yes. It’s her birthday,” Cas said, matter-of-factly and Charlie made an inhuman squeaking noise from the back of her throat.

“Yes, cats are cute,” Dean said with annoyance. “You’re going to need to elaborate on the whole Oz thing. How are we even sure it’s _you_ you?”

“I tested her,” Sam said from where he was leaning against the door frame.

“And there’s only one of me this time,” Charlie said from the bed. She was now playing with the cat with a doofy look on her face, as if Olive were the most magical thing she’d ever seen, despite being trapped in a storybook dimension for more than a year.

“Why not come back sooner?” Dean asked her, his voice starting to betray him. “At least give me some sort of sign you were alive? When I lost you, you don’t know what it did to me. I… I loved you like a sister, dammit!”

Charlie looked at him and quickly looked away again. She frowned at her hands in her lap. “I know. I tried but all the keys were destroyed. I had to reopen the portal with a spell,” she explained.

“Ok, but how’d you get there in the first place?” Dean asked. “You were trapped in a motel bathroom.”

“Dorothy,” Charlie explained. “She and Glinda were keeping tabs on me while I was in this dimension, her idea. She wanted to make sure I was safe. They pulled me out with the spell at the last second. But the ingredients are rare, so it was hard to come back. And every time the spell is used, it causes the user potential danger… I mean, Glinda almost died getting me back the last time. So… I learned how to perform the spell on my own. Turns out, I have a natural talent. Guess Rowena was right.”

“So Glinda the Good Witch taught you magic?” Dean asked, dumbfounded.

“Yeah,” Charlie shrugged. “And besides that, I never wanted to _stay_ in Oz. I offered to bring Dorothy back with me but she said that Oz is her home now. Not sure how long distance relationships are supposed to work cross-dimensionally so we… broke up.”

“You were dating Dorothy?” Dean asked and Charlie gave a small nod. “Nice. I’d high five you but…”

“But it would be inappropriate, given the circumstances,” Cas said for him.

“NBD,” Charlie shrugged. “It’s not like we were all domestic with a cat or anything.”

“Yeah, well…” Dean shrugged, trying to act casual, but his smirk gave him away. “We’re, uh, getting married in September and-”

“NO FUCKING WAY!” Charlie shouted, jumping up and throwing her arms around both of them. “Gah! I am so happy for you guys!”

Dean returned her hug, tightening his grip around her. “I can’t believe you’re back…” he said into her hair.

“Who is she and why is she so loud?” Claire asked, coming into their room in her PJs. It was only about 9:30 in the morning and they must’ve woken her up.

“Um, Claire, this is Charlie,” Dean explained. “She’s… basically the little sister I never had.”

“Claire? As in Claire Novak?” Charlie asked. For a second Dean wondered how she’d heard the name, but then he remembered she’d read the books. Charlie was the ultimate fangirl. Of course she’d know who Claire was.

“Yeah…?” Claire answered with skepticism.

“You guys!” Charlie exclaimed, turning back to Dean and Cas with a goopy look on her face. “She’s living in the bunker?”

“Though she is an adult, Dean and I kind of… adopted Claire,” Cas explained and for once Claire didn’t scoff. “She’s… well, she’s kind of-”

“Their daughter,” Claire finished for him. Dean turned to look at her, his eyebrow raised; She simply shrugged. “What?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“Nothing, just… That’s the first time you’ve said it,” Dean told her.

“Yeah, well, you’ve said it enough for the both of us, you big sap,” Claire smirked. “For a guy who claims to not like ‘chick-flick moments’ you certainly find yourself in a lot of them, you know?”

“I knew there was a reason Olive was my favorite… She’s not a smart-mouthed brat,” Dean teased.

“She is, you just can’t understand her,” Claire said with another shrug.

“Wow… That was so sweet my teeth rotted out,” Charlie said before turning to Sam. “Is it like this 24/7...?”

“Yeah, basically,” Sam admitted.

* * *

They cleaned a room out for Charlie and she stayed with them until the week of the wedding, helping plan every agonizing detail. She’d somehow made it her pet-project and was determined to make it as perfect as possible.

Dean didn’t want a bachelor party. He thought he made this _very_ clear. But apparently Charlie had other plans. A day before the wedding, while Dean and Cas were in the kitchen talking over coffee that morning, Charlie and Sam hijacked them. His brother dragging Cas out to the garage (Cas could have stopped him if he wanted to) and Charlie made Dean wait in the kitchen for a couple of minutes, despite his very vocal protests, and then shepherded him to the garage once she was certain the other two had already left.

“I told you: We don’t. Want. A bachelor party,” Dean grunted from the passenger seat of Cas’s truck. Sam and Cas had taken the Neon, and since Charlie didn’t have a car of her own and Dean refused to let her drive the Impala, the shitty pickup was their only option. He shifted uncomfortably on the worn leather before continuing. “First off, we’re not straight - hell, _you’re_ not straight - so I don’t see the point of following hetero traditions in a gay relationship. Secondly, I was under the impression that a bachelor party was supposed to be an all-out ‘last night of freedom’ sort of deal. This isn’t some ‘ball and chain’ kind of thing to me. Hell, I haven’t been interested in _anyone_ else since Purgatory. I haven’t slept with another person besides him in, like, four years. _Long_ before we started dating. So, no, I don’t want to go to some bar and do shots and get a lap dance or whatever else people do before the big day.”

“Noted,” Charlie said with a hint of amusement. “I was hoping we could just celebrate and talk. Just you and me. No strippers.”

“Fine. It’s a celebration. Why separate us?” Dean asked with skepticism.

“Because I needed to go over some last minute things with you and I wanted to make sure Mr. Angel Ears couldn’t overhear us,” Charlie explained. “Besides, I just want a night out with my bro, you know?”

“That rhyme physically hurt me. I’m dead now. You killed me,” Dean scoffed.

“Not even death can get you out of this,” Charlie joked. “Besides, Sam and Cas are planning something big, not that I know the details.”

Dean’s felt his heart swell at the knowledge Cas was preparing some big romantic gesture. “Ok, fine,” he relented, trying to sound grumpy but failing miserably. “Where are we going?”

After a couple of beers, Dean actually felt good about his night out with Charlie. They went over the plan, all the cheesy details in place, and decided to call it a night. By the time Dean got back to the bunker, it was well after midnight. He found Cas in the library writing something down in a notebook.

“I hope you’re not _just now_   writing your vows,” Dean said and Cas jumped out of his skin, closing the notebook with superhuman speed.

“Umm nooo, I was just… I… Um…” he stammered. He always was really terrible at keeping secrets.

“Hey, babe, I was joking,” Dean said, coming up to him and placing his hand on his shoulder. “Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it.” Dean said this with as much sincerity as he could muster, moving his hand to rub a couple of strokes around Cas’s shoulder blades.

“Thank you. I, um, don’t know if I’ll be joining you in bed tonight. I have a lot more to do before tomorrow evening,” Cas admitted.

“That’s ok. I have a lot to do tomorrow too,” Dean told him. “We’ll always have tomorrow night,” he said with a wink.

“Yes, of course,” Cas said. Dean noticed he was fidgeting in his seat. “I… well… not to kick you out but…”

“Yeah, no, I get it,” Dean promised him. “See you tomorrow.” Dean leaned over and kissed his angel on the mouth passionately. The desire to climb into his lap and make out for a bit was overwhelming, but Dean ignored it. He really did want Cas to finish whatever it was he was doing.

“Goodnight, Dean,” Cas said when they pulled away. “I love you more than anything, I hope you know that,” the angel said with a terrifying amount of sincerity.

“‘Course I do. I love you too.”

* * *

Sure enough, when Dean woke up the next morning, Cas was still in the library, talking in hushed tones with Sam.

“Hey, ready for the big day?” Dean asked as he approached them.

Sam sighed, “Dean, you’re not supposed to-”

“What? I’m not supposed to see him before the wedding? How last century of you! Dude, how many times do I have to say this!? We. Are. Two. Guys. The traditional shit doesn’t really apply here,” Dean huffed. “Just because _I_   proposed doesn’t mean Cas is the _bride_ either. I mean, what the fuck? We’re both the groom! We’re both wearing tuxes. I don’t understand-”

“Jeez, calm down. I know,” Sam chuckled. “I just meant, you’re not really supposed to be in here. We’re still wrapping things up. Go find Charlie.”

“Fine,” Dean huffed. “And just because I proposed don’t mean I top either.”

“Well I can add that to the list of things I never ever wanted to hear,” the younger Winchester grumbled as Dean walked away.

Dean could hear Cas audibly sigh as he left the room. He chuckled to himself over the sassy monster he had turned him into over the years.

As he and Charlie went to the clearing to go set up, the first of the guests started to arrive. He tasked Claire with getting those who were staying the night set up in rooms, and asked her to send anyone who wanted to help out to the clearing to make the setting up easier. As soon as Kevin and his mother joined them, Charlie took her leave to go pick up the rings.

“Hey, be careful, ok?” Dean told her, not wanting to send her out on her own.

“Dean, I’m visiting a hunter shop, I’m sure I’ll be fine,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

As soon as she left, Dean instructed Kevin and Linda on what he was doing and they got straight to work. Shortly, Jody and Donna arrived and the five of them were able to get everything up in record time.

It was almost four by the time they finished and Dean took a step back to admire his handiwork.

“You did a good job, kid,” Jody said, slapping him on the back.

Donna whistled. “Wowzers, this looks fantastic,” she said in her thick Minnesota accent.

“It really does, doesn’t it?” Dean admitted.

* * *

At seven o'clock sharp, Dean made his way to the curtains on the left-side of the clearing. He couldn’t help but peek between them and smiled at the fluttering of the white curtains on the other side, knowing that Cas must’ve been in place.

He fidgeted with his bowtie and waited for the first notes of Elvis’s ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’ to play over the loudspeakers. He remembered how when Charlie mentioned it might be a good song for them to walk in on, he was skeptical at first but after making him listen to it on her phone he relented. 'I can dig Elvis,' he had said that night in the bar.

He looked around, the sun was making it’s way over the horizon, creating a brilliant display of pinks and oranges. _Any second now,_ he said to himself with a deep breath he exhaled through his nose. He had no idea why he was so nervous.

_Wise men say_

_Only fools rush in,_

_But I can't help falling in love with you._

His heart caught in his chest as he moved the curtains aside, and he saw Cas do the same from the right-side of the clearing. Dean took in a gulp of air and began moving towards the center where Sam was standing under a Iron Throne inspired wedding arch made out of painted scrap metal. He didn’t care if it was dorky. It looked really fucking cool.

_Shall I stay_

_Would it be a sin,_

_If I can't help falling in love with you._

Dean looked out into the white fold-out chairs and saw his friends and family smiling at them, some with tears in their eyes. The old-timey wooden chairs they had found in one of the bunker’s many storage rooms looked really good. And seeing them filled with the people he loved made him smile, knowing that these were the people he’d go to the grave for. He looked across the field and saw that Cas’s focus was on the crowd as well. But soon, the angel’s gaze moved forward and he made eye contact with Dean. The hunter couldn’t help it, he winked at him. Cas’s smile was more radiant than the sun itself and Dean knew beyond a measure of a doubt that there wasn’t a single person in the entire world he’d rather spend the rest of his life with.

_Shall I stay_

_Would it be a sin,_

_If I can't help falling in love with you._

Dean took his eyes off of Cas and looked back at the crowd. They hadn’t gone for the 'separate sides of the aisle' thing since Cas’s family was his family and they had so little family left. Eileen was sitting next to Claire and Alex and when he met her eye she gave him a big thumbs-up. He noticed Claire was wiping under her eyes and that Alex had an arm draped around her, rubbing soothing circles into her back as if to say ‘it’s ok to cry, your dads are getting married.' Behind them was Jody and Donna, holding hands in Donna’s lab. He’d never seen either of them in dresses before and thought to himself that Jody was a lucky lady because Donna was, surprisingly, quite a catch. _Stupid Doug._

Next them was Kevin and Linda. Mrs. Tran was loudly blowing her nose into a tissue but Kevin didn’t seem to mind. And neither did Dean. Charlie, of course, was sitting with Olive in her lap, bouncing her up and down like a baby with excitement. Dean chuckled to himself at the sight of his ‘sister’ being such an ‘aunt’ to his fuzzy little daughter. The one thing that _did_ bother Dean though, was who was missing. He looked at the empty chair next to Eileen and frowned because she couldn’t even be bothered to show up for her own son’s wedding. Mary Winchester was nowhere to be found, and Dean would be lying if he said that didn’t hurt like hell.

_Like a river flows_

_Surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be_

_Take my hand_

_Take my whole life too,_

_For I can't help falling in love with you_

Dean and Cas met, at last, in the center under the arch. Dean tried to smile at his fiancé but found that he was choking back tears instead.

Cas took his hand and whispered, “Don’t allow her to ruin today for you. She holds no power over your happiness.” And Dean couldn’t have been more thankful for him. Cas, the man he was about to marry. His one true partner in life.

Sam cleared his throat and addressed the eight people sitting in the clearing, “So, before we get this show on the road, Cas has requested something special,” he said, handing Cas a microphone.

More music started up, and Dean recognized the tune. But as soon as Cas opened his mouth to sing, Dean realized the lyrics were his own.

 

_Well I heard your prayers from far below_

_But down in hell, how could you know_

_I listened, every word you said, I heard you_

 

_But after this_

_I’ll plead the fifth_

_Before my fall, after your lift_

_I swore I heard you say the Hallelujah_

 

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

 

_I know you’re strong, but I can’t explain_

_I’ve seen you die over again_

_Only you would still want to pray to me_

 

_She tied me up where angels fall_

_She made me deaf to all your calls_

_And from my lips she drew our Hallelujah_

 

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

 

_Righteous man, that’s what they said_

_But still awake, you’d lie in bed_

_And listen to the shadows, knife clutched tightly_

 

_But when sleep came it could not kill_

_The fears that on your skin would chill_

_Those nights I wish I’d sang a Hallelujah_

 

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

 

_There was a time when I couldn’t say_

_What truly had led me astray_

_But now I understand what pushed me from grace_

 

_It was your breath, your eyes, your face_

_Your courage drove to the sticking place_

_And there I fell all for your Hallelujah_

 

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

 

_Maybe there’s a god above_

_Through you he tried to teach me love_

_A long and winding road that lead me to you_

 

_Don’t think that I’ve abandoned hope_

_Still I’ll hang onto this rope_

_I won’t let go till I find our Hallelujah_

 

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

 

By the time Cas was finished singing, Dean was bawling like a baby. But he didn’t care. His angel, his everything, - although not conventionally a good singer - had the most beautiful voice he’d ever heard. He’d written this _for him._ The lyrics spoke of a side of the story Dean was unfamiliar with. To Cas, Dean was still ‘The Righteous Man’ despite every awful thing he’d ever done. For the first time in his life, Dean understood just how much he meant to the angel.

Prior to this moment, he couldn’t begin to comprehend _why._ Why had Cas chosen him? From this moment on, he vowed to never again question the sacrifices Cas had made for him. The angel had made mistakes too, and Dean had forgiven him, so it was about time he forgave himself. In starting this journey with Cas, he was reinforcing the idea that it was love that made a person who they were, not their shortcomings.

Cas turned to Dean and placed a comforting hand on his cheek that Dean nuzzled into unashamedly.

“Dean Henry Winchester,” he started and Dean only cringed a little at the mention of his middle name. “The human language is limited in the ways I can express just how much you mean to me. There are many words in Enochian that might serve as a better expression of my love for you, but seeing as nobody here speaks it, I thought that the language of music might serve as the medium by which I profess my life to you. Because if I have yet to make it clear, these years with you have been the most meaningful and impactful of all my existence. You have shown me that I don’t have to be Castiel, angel of the lord, warrior of Heaven. I can just be Cas, a man on his journey towards humanity. I meant it when I said that I choose a mortal life. And I fully intend to live out the rest of my days with you at my side.”

Cas let go of his face and Dean took a deep breath before he recited his own vows from memory. What had Cas said, despite being in plain English, was very beautiful and he hoped his own words would prove to be the same. “Castiel, badass former angel of the lord, and the best man I’ve ever known… You have fought by my side for eight long years. You were the one who ‘gripped me tight and raised me from perdition’ and, by doing so, seared your mark onto my soul as you pulled me out… Now, as far as I’m concerned, that makes you a part of me. My soul mate, no cupid necessary. You stood by my side during the apocalypse and made sure I didn't forfeit who I was to some dickbags from Heaven. You and I survived Purgatory together, and when neither of us thought we were worth saving, the other always made it his personal goal to prove that wrong. You became a human, flesh and blood like the rest of us, and I asked you to stay with me at the bunker. And I’m so glad I did, because without you I’m pretty damn sure the Mark of Cain would have consumed me. These last few years have been difficult and we’ve faced down the Darkness herself and Lucifer and everything in between Heaven and Hell. But, through it all, there is nobody, and I mean _nobody,_ I would rather have at my side. You make me a better man and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be standing up here with. You are it for me. I’m just sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you sooner.”

“Don’t be... “ Cas interrupted, grabbing his hand.

“Well, I’m telling you now… I _love_ you. And you know me, I don’t say those words lightly. Since I first saw you in that barn, I have not gone a single day without thinking of you. You saved me, in more ways than one, and for that I am eternally grateful…” Dean choked. “Sammy…” he said to his brother, unable to continue.

“Cas… Dean… You are about to start a new chapter in your journey together. In this life, you will face many trials and tribulations, as you know more than anyone, and today you make the commitment to face whatever life may throw at you. Together. Today is a celebration of the love that brought you to this point. The love that Castiel rebelled from Heaven for. The love that broke Naomi’s spell. The love that allowed Dean to reject Amara’s influence and the love that kept the Devil at bay. If you swear to fight for that love and to stand by each other’s sides as long as you both shall live and longer, please respond by saying ‘we do.’”

“We do,” they said in unison and Sam produced two rings form his suit pocket, both made of shimmering angel blade. Cas must’ve felt the power radiating from the metal because as soon as he took Dean’s ring from Sam, his brow raised and he tilted his head at his human in a silent question. The hunter simply shrugged and he and Cas slipped the rings onto each others fingers.

“So, by the power vested in me by absolutely no one,” Sam chuckled. “I now pronounce you married, by no authority but your own. May your first act as a married couple be one of love. You may now kiss each other for the first time as husbands and life partners.”

* * *

Charlie quickly ushered the couple inside so she could drop off Olive and take wedding pictures while the rest of the group set up for the reception. At first, Dean grumbled about having his picture taken, but it was all an act. He couldn’t have been grumpy right now if his life depended on it. And, of course, Cas insisted on taking a picture or two with Olive, which Dean - despite his good mood - was unwilling to admit was downright adorable.

As he and Cas posed in their tuxes with blue and green bow-ties, Dean couldn’t help but feel simultaneously the happiest and saddest he’d ever been. He was happy because, at long last, the man at his side was finally his husband. His _husband._ It felt good even thinking it. But he still felt a sharp ping of sadness when he remembered that empty seat. His mother should have been here.

Cas seemed to notice because when Charlie told them they were finished, before heading back out to the clearing, the angel pulled him aside. “Dean… Your mother… I am so sorry,”  Cas said with sincere blue eyes.

Dean pulled him into a hug. “I’m trying not to think about it… It’s just… She’s my mom, you know?” he said into the crook of Cas’s neck.

“I understand completely,” Cas promised him, pulling him closer. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

Dean huffed a small laugh and pulled away so he could look his angel in the eyes. “Just be my husband… God, it feels so good to finally say that.”

Cas leaned in and kissed him sweetly. “You want to join the party?” he asked him.

Dean nodded and took him by the hand as they made their way back outside. As they reached the clearing, Dean noticed the Japanese lanterns had already been lit, glowing off the autumn wildflowers. Music was blaring from the speakers and most of the group was already dancing with beers in their hands, even Claire and Alex had beers. He was hoping Jody would cut them off after just the one, but she seemed too busy grinding up against Donna to care.

Charlie was manning the music and when she saw them approach she picked up the mic. “Please welcome, for the first time as a married couple, Dean and Castiel Winchester!”

The group broke out into a cheer as Dean and Cas took their places at the small table set aside for them.

Charlie turned down the music as Sam approached the happy couple. He turned so he could address all ten people. “I know everyone, especially Dean, is probably ready start eating the wonderful fried chicken takeout Charlie has provided,” he said and everyone laughed.

“I’ll have you know, Sam Winchester, I slaved away over a hot laptop for this,” Charlie said and everyone chuckled again.

“But before we bust out the grub, I’d like to say a few words,” he said and Dean tried to keep himself from rolling his eyes. Tried and failed. “Six years. Six years is how long I had to watch these two idiots dance around their feelings,” he said and a ripple of laughter passed through the crowd again. “I have officially been the fifth wheel to these two’s gross flirting for _eight years._ And now, that we’re finally here, I just have to say that I have never been more proud of my brother. For a while there, I was worried _this_ would never happen,” he said gesturing to Dean and Cas. “I was worried that homophobia and heteronormativity and toxic masculinity would force my brother to stay in the closet forever… but here we are. And as cheesy as it sounds, this just goes to show, that things only seem impossible until they become possible. Almost two years ago, my brother swallowed his pride and took a plunge into uncharted waters. But love kept them afloat. And if I can love someone half as much as these dumbasses love each other, I will be a very happy man,” he looked at Eileen when he said this. “To Dean and Cas!” he said, raising his beer and the rest of the group followed with a ‘hear hear’ from Jody.

As soon as Sam took his seat Charlie pulled a table cloth off of an unoccupied table, revealing fried chicken and a large number of sides as well as a delicious looking chocolate cake with toppers in the shape of Dean's colt .45 and Cas's angel blade crossed over one another. “Dig in!” she said, gesturing for Dean to take first pick.

When Dean returned with a towering plate of food he noticed Cas was looking at the flannel tablecloth with a frown. “What’s wrong, baby?” he asked, placing his hand on the angel’s arm.

Cas looked up at him and faked a smile. “It’s not important...” he started and Dean gave him a hard look. He continued with a sigh, “It’s just that… I’m sad I can’t taste the food at my own wedding.”

Dean’s heart caught in his chest. “Hey,” he said, grabbing Cas’s shoulder tightly. “The second you’re human again, I’m gonna take you out for much better food than this, ok? That is… if that’s still something you want,” Dean finished shyly.

“Did I not make myself clear with my vows today?” Cas asked him with the smallest of head tilts. “‘I choose a mortal life,’ remember?”

“Well, then I promise you we’ll find a way… And when we do, I’m taking you to the fanciest place in Kansas. Hell, I’ll take you to Paris. I’d go anywhere with you,” Dean told him, despite his intense fear of flying. And he meant it. He’d do anything for Cas. Anything.

* * *

As soon as they had finished eating, Charlie started up the music again and a guitar intro Dean recognized came pulsing through the speakers.

“I think this is our cue,” he said, taking the angel’s hand and leading him to the ‘dancefloor.’ As planned, nobody was in the patch of grass in front of the DJ station Charlie had rigged up. “Let me lead, ok?” Dean said to his now-husband as the song he chose blared through the speakers. He put his arms across Cas’s shoulder and Cas leaned into him, hands on his chest. They swayed because that’s all Dean knew how to do, but he didn’t care. It was intimate and it was perfect.

 

_Last night, under city lights_

_I was wandering_

_Across the street, he stared at me_

_Seven feet, trench coat angel_

_Through a smoky haze, he looked my way_

_And said, can I have minute please?_

_I’ve got something you need_

 

_Don't be afraid to make mistakes_

_At least you know you're livin_

_The debts and pain, from when you strayed_

_Well man, all's forgiven_

_All's forgiven_

 

_I've seen it all, the rise and fall_

_Ten thousand years of living_

_From Rome to Spain, Berlin, L.A_

_People still pretending_

_You fight your wars, but what's it for_

_Trust me, they're never ending_

_You better wake up, the end is your beginning_

 

_Don't be afraid to make mistakes_

_At least you know you're livin_

_The debts and pain, from when you strayed_

_Well man, all's forgiven_

_All's forgiven_

 

_Love, it is enough_

_When it comes to us_

_Let's make it right_

 

_Love, it is enough_

_When it comes to us_

_We'll make it right_

 

_Love, it is enough_

_When it comes to us_

_We'll make it right_

 

“Hey, remember what I said after I gave you your necklace?” Dean asked as the song ended and Cas nodded. Dean smiled, remembering the feelings the Supernatural musical brought forth. He doubted he’d have had the courage to make a move if it weren’t for those girls and their silly Destiel bullshit. “Well, I told you at the time that if I had the real one, it’d be yours too.” Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out the real amulet. “Well, it’s yours, baby, if you want it.”

“Of course I want it, Dean. For me, it’s a symbol of everything we’ve been through,” Cas explained and Dean slipped the amulet around his neck.

“I love you,” he whispered into his ear.

“I love you too, Dean… Always,” Cas replied among the fireflies and shooting stars.

End of chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on a stand-alone coda for season 13 as well, although most of my ideas about that will already be shared in this fic. And I'm thinking about Cockles, so keep an eye out for all this madness!


	36. The Winchesters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotional Dean Winchester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made myself cry at the end so warning for heavy emotions I guess.

**Chapter 36**

“First night as a married couple,” Dean said once they’d retreated back to their room in the bunker. “What ever shall we do?”

Cas pulled the hunter close and began kissing his neck. “I can think of something,” he said between kitten-licks.

“Too bad we aren’t doing the whole honeymoon thing...” Dean sighed as Cas began undressing him.

“Perhaps after we’ve taken care of Lucifer once and for all,” Cas suggested, tugging on the buttons of Dean’s shirt.

“Where you wanna go?” the hunter asked, allowing the angel’s long fingers to trail down his stomach.

“You did say something about Paris…” Cas answered and Dean began to undress him, tugging off his bowtie with careless precision.

“I did…” Dean admitted. “But I’m kinda a chicken when it comes to planes, you know.”

“I could put you to sleep… Watch over you,” Cas told him.

Dean pulled off Cas’s shirt and drew him closer, kissing him sweetly. “I was kinda hoping we could visit when you’re human. I meant it when I said I wanted to take you someplace special,” Dean said, pausing to kiss the angel down the neck. “You deserve a treat after all the shit you’ve been through.”

“So do you,” his husband (Dean still got giddy thinking it) informed him before loosening the belt around his hips and unbuttoning his pants. “You always seem to forget that.”

“Cas… It’s not… I just…” Dean stammered.

“Dean,” Cas growled and pushed his now-naked-except-for-his-boxers partner down onto the bed. “Are we not supposed to be equals in this union? A team?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so… That’s what I signed up for,” Dean answered as Cas straddled him.

“Well, then you need to start acting like you matter. Because you do. To me... As your husband I command this of you,” Cas said with a shadow of a smirk.

“Whatever, asshole,” Dean chuckled. “You can’t have it both ways.”

“What? Are you gonna stop me?” Cas asked in a dangerously sexy voice, his eyebrow raised. “I’d love to see you try.”

“Well it’s a good thing I know your weaknesses then,” Dean smirked before he leaned up and kissed the angel passionately. “Let’s face it, baby, you can’t resist me.”

“You’re right,” Cas admitted as he slipped Dean out of his boxers. “But I can incapacitate you.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean asked with his best flirtatious smile.

Cas scooted off of Dean and began taking off his own pants. “Lay on your stomach,” he ordered.

“Yes, sir,” Dean said obediently as his dick twitched with arousal.

He rolled over and waited patiently on the squishy memory foam for Cas to join him. After a moment, he felt Cas’s hand trail from his calf to his ass.

“Have I ever told you I like your rear?” the angel asked and Dean snorted a laugh.

“No, I don’t think you have,” he said. “Yours is much better by the way.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Dean Winchester,” Cas told him as his finger grazed Dean’s puckered rose.

The angel then straddled Dean once again and pulled his cheeks apart. When the hunter felt his warm tongue tease his entrance, he loudly moaned into his pillow. It was the kind of moan he was sure the cushion didn’t muffle.

“Shit Cas,” he said as Cas repeated the action. “Fuck.”

“Even though I expect our guests know what we’re doing at this very moment, I am sure they would appreciate it if we at least _tried_ to keep it down,” Cas playfully scolded.

“Yeah, well, fuck ‘em... It’s our wedding night… We can be as loud as we want... Those are the rules,” Dean said between gasps.

“If you insist,” Cas growled into Dean’s ear.

The next second he felt Cas’s weight leave him and it was all he could do not to beg him to come back. But after some rustling in the nightstand, Cas found what he wanted and Dean heard the familiar click of the lube bottle followed by a slick finger entering him. He moaned as Cas entered his second finger and began pumping in and out before he added a third.

After getting Dean nice and loose he pressed against him and whispered in his ear, “I want to see your eyes,” and Dean happily allowed himself to be flipped over onto his back.

Cas gazed at him a moment before kissing him on the nose in a surprisingly tender moment despite how hot and heavy things were just a second ago. Dean’s heart swelled with emotion and he kissed Cas as sweetly as he could with how aroused he was.

“You continue to amaze me, Castiel Winchester,” he whispered.

Cas frowned and it was the opposite of how Dean wanted him to react. “Will you still feel that way when I am merely a mortal?”

“Yes, of course I will!” Dean said, cupping his cheek. “All the things that make you who you are, all the things I love you for, have nothing - and I mean _nothing_ \- to do with being an angel and everything to do with just… you!”

Cas nodded and kissed him once before entering him.

* * *

**Monday, November 14th, 2016**

Almost a month later, there was still no word on Lucifer. Conservative douche-nozzle, Jefferson Rooney, had won the election and the entire country had until January 20th to enjoy same-sex marriage and reproductive rights before those things were threatened again. Dean wasn’t too happy about it, even though his not so legal marriage to Cas wouldn’t be threatened, it wasn’t fair that everyone else had to live in fear just because some dude and his followers believed it was ‘Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.’

“Hey, Alex’s car is in the shop and seeing as you won’t let me drive any of the Men of Letters cars, I was hoping you could drop me off at her place for the week,” Claire said that morning in mid-November.

“And why would I do that?” Dean asked, peeking at her over his novel.

“Because you’re a good dad?” Claire offered with a shrug before taking a bite of her cereal.

All five people who now lived in the bunker, six if you counted Olive, were hanging out in the library doing research. Well… Sam, Cas, and Charlie were doing research. Dean was reading his book inside of another book _pretending_ to be doing work. Not that anyone bought it.

Cas didn't look up from his lore book, “Sounds like a plan, Claire,” he answered for him from his place beside Dean at the table. 

“I guess it could be fun. Give us a chance to see Jody again,” said Sam, suddenly on board with the whole ‘drive six hours so his not-niece could get laid’ plan.

“Oh! I love Jody and Donna!” Charlie exclaimed from behind her pile of books that Olive insisted on sitting upon as if she were guarding the room from atop a watchtower. “Doesn’t it feel like the only straight person we know is Sam?” she asked with a chuckle and Dean basically snorted on the coffee he was sipping.

“Hey, Kevin’s straight… I think,” Sam said defensively. “And I _know_ Eileen’s straight.”

“Do you though?” Dean asked. “I mean, lots of bi girls bang dudes.”

“Ok, guys, TMI,” Claire said with a scowl.

“Yeah, no offense but us lezzies don’t wanna hear about your gross penises,” Charlie agreed.

* * *

The five of them crammed into Baby (Cas sat in the back with Claire and Charlie) and arrived at Jody’s house a little before dinner-time.

“Jody! Donna!” Dean greeted, hugging each one in turn. “You move in together?”

“Dean…” Cas warned. “That’s a little presumptuous.”

“Not at all!” Donna answered. “We haven’t quite made that transition yet, what with us both being sheriffs and all, but I am staying here up until Thanksgiving on vacay! I'm on call though, four and a half hour road trip if it’s a non-emergency and hour plane ride if they need me a-sap.”

“Four and a half, huh? Must be nice…” Dean grumbled and Claire smacked him on the shoulder.

“Hey. You could have said ‘no,’” she informed him before greeting Alex with a kiss and promptly retreating to her room.

“And miss out on Jody’s grub? No way!” he yelled after them as he made his way to the kitchen. “That smells delicious, by the way.”

“It’s just spaghetti,” Jody said as she went back to the stove to stir the sauce. “Nothing special… Door open, girls!”

“Well it ain’t Fazoli's so I’m pretty fucking stoked for it,” Dean answered honestly. “And, come on, Jody. They’re both adults. I doubt they’re gonna get freaky with all of us out here.”

“Hey, just because you play fast and loose with the parenting at your house doesn’t mean I’m gonna do the same here,” Jody told him and Dean gave her a hard look. She sighed, “You know what? You’re right. I mean, at least I don’t have to worry about one of them getting pregnant…”

“That’s the best part!” Dean agreed with a chuckle. “Gay sex: one. Straight sex: zero.”

As soon as they started eating, though, Jody got a call. She went to the other room to take it while Charlie continued her story about the game LA Noire and Donna kept insisting that it wasn’t _that_ realistic a depiction of how the police force worked.

“I didn’t have to play the game to know that it’s just a _game,_ Charlie… Baby-cakes, what’s wrong?” Donna asked as soon as Jody walked back in the room.

“A friend of mine died,” she said, her voice numb.

“Who?” Jody asked as she stood up to comfort her girlfriend.

“Asa Fox,” Jody said as she let Donna rub soothing circles into her back.

“Asa Fox,” Dean repeated. “Why does that name sound familiar?”

“Isn’t he the guy that Ellen used to tell stories about back at the Roadhouse?” Sam asked.

“Yeah!” Dean remembered. “Supposedly he killed, like, five wendigos in a night.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he was a hunter. He… he rolled into town a few months back, tr-tried to convince me he was FBI Agent Fox Mulder,” Jody said with a small chuckle. “He was chasing a pack of ghouls and I helped. He’d pass through every once in a while after that, and we’d grab coffee or something.”

“Poor guy tried to ask her out a couple'a times,” said Donna, shaking her head.

“The… the wake’s tomorrow, and, um. They’re gonna salt and burn the body that evening… I can’t believe I just said that like it’s something normal,” Jody admitted.

“Well, we’re gonna come with you,” Dean told her and the rest of the table murmured their agreements.

“You guys really don’t have to. Me and Donna’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, no, Jody. We know you’ll be fine, but, you know, we never go to hunter gatherings, outside of bars. Dad always said they were trouble, so…” Sam shrugged.

“Yeah, you’d be doing us a favor if you let us tag along,” Dean said and Jody agreed.

* * *

**Tuesday, November 15th, 2016**

Claire and Alex decided to stay at the house and, before he left the next morning, Dean pointed at them and said, “No babies!” with as much seriousness as he could muster.

They all managed to fit in the Impala if Cas squeezed in the back with Jody and Donna, and Charlie sat between Sam and Dean up front.  It was a rather uncomfortable almost six hour trip up to Canada, however, and Dean kept apologizing to Baby periodically. He’d never had this many people inside her at one time and he felt a bit like he was overloading her.

Upon arriving at Asa's family home and after they greeted the grieving mother, Dean and Cas headed to the kitchen to grab one of the beers everyone was drinking.

Dean picked one up out of the makeshift metal wash bucket that was being used as a cooler.

“No label. Well, that’s a red flag,” he scoffed.

“Nah, fully safe. I homebrewed it myself… Here. Not a twist off,” said a man with red hair before popping off the cap for him with a bottle opener he was wearing around his neck. “Hope you like strong beer, buddy.”

Dean took a sip and found that was is strong but with a nice flavor. He smirked. “That’s good… Uh, Dean Winchester,” he said, extending his hand for the man to shake.

 _“The_ Dean Winchester?” the guy asked with a surprised look on his face.

“No fucking way. Aren’t you dead? Like, four times?” another guy asked.

Dean smiled. “Yeah. It, uh, didn’t take,” he said smugly.

Another man from the table joined the conversation, asking, “Wait. Your brother here? Sam?”

“Yeah, he’s still alive too. He’s-” but Dean didn't get to finish his thought before the guy was out his seat and running off to find Sam. “Oh. Okay. Good talk,” he said awkwardly.

“Yeah, sorry about Elvis. He's, uh... Elvis. I'm Bucky Sims,” he said and then pointed to the second man. “And that’s Randy. Randy Bull.”

“Yeah, so… I didn’t know Asa but I’ve heard some crazy stories…” Dean admitted.

“You think the stories about Asa are crazy, you should hear what they say about you,” Randy said.

“And what do they say about me, exactly?” Dean asked, suddenly nervously aware that he hadn't introduced Cas to the group yet.

“Well, for starters, is it true you’re banging an angel?” Bucky asked and Dean choked on his beer. He heard Cas’s small snicker from beside him, just a faint huff of breath undetectable to anyone but him.

“Married, actually,” Dean answered once he could breathe again.

“Dude that’s so rad! Is she here?” the man asked, scanning the room for some sort of angelic woman.

Dean snorted out a small laugh. “Um, sorry. Got so caught up in my supposed fame I forgot to introduce him… Uh, this is Castiel,” he said, putting his arm around Cas’s shoulder. “Angel of the lord… He mostly just goes by Cas, though.”

The room was quiet for a second and Dean tensed up. He wasn’t ashamed of his sexuality, not anymore, he just didn’t like that it was still such a big deal. And after everything with his mother, well, he was still rather sore after the whole ‘not showing up to her own son’s wedding’ incident and wished the world could just accept that he was married to a dude.

“So… You’re…?” Randy asked and Dean nodded, tightening his grip around Cas. “Well, Castiel, uh, Cas, nice to meet ya!” the other hunter said and shook Cas’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you as well. I am sorry to hear about your friend,” Cas said genuinely.

“Yeah, well… Circle of life and all that… You know I have a genuine angel blade?” he said and that was that. No homophobic remarks, no having to explain his sexuality, no awkward questions about sex, no having to defend the fact that he was in love with another man. Maybe it was the fact that he was an angel or maybe it was the world becoming a more accepting, Dean wasn’t sure. He just wished his mother could drop things so easily.

After taking a beer himself and twisting off the not-twist-off cap with his angelic strength, Cas suggested they join Sam in the other room.

As they approached they heard Sam engrossed in a conversation. “Wait, so you guys were raised by a witch, but you're Hunters?” he asked a man and a woman in their twenties who looked a lot like siblings.

“She was, like, a good witch. Very Enya. It was the 90’s,” the guy said.

“Lots of crystals,” the girl agreed. “She taught me to hunt witches. Uh, bad witches.”

“Neat. Always a plus. And what’d she teach you?” Charlie asked the brother.

“Uh, mostly how to seduce men,” he answered with a sly smile.

“She also taught him some magic, which is actually more useful,” said his sister.

“Eh, mostly the men thing,” the guy admitted.

Dean smirked. He felt oddly proud. “There’s so much gay here we could put on a production of Rent… I fucking love it...” he whispered to Cas before he joined the group. “The Sam Winchester fanclub bother you any?”

“Uh, no actually. Max and Alicia scared him off,” Sam said with a shrug.

“You must be Dean and Castiel,” Max said, his voice slurred with the effects of alcohol and possibly weed. “This party was awfully hetero until you guys showed up. I think we intimidate them.”

“Yeah… I don’t think they expected… Well…” Dean said, gesturing between him and Cas before plopping down on the couch next to them. “Are you guys twins or…?”

“Oh no, we’re twins all right,” Max admitted. “Castiel, have a seat. You’re making me nervous just standing there like that,” he said as he and his sister scooted over on the couch.

“Um, thank you,” the angel said as he sat down. “Just, Cas, is fine.”

So the six of them drank and talked, unsure where social butterflies Jody and Donna went, until night fell and it was time to burn Asa’s body.

* * *

 **Wednesday** **, November** **16th, 2016 (after midnight)**

After the funeral, Asa’s mother offered for them to stay the night. Since they were in no rush to get home and because it was late, they obliged. They were having more drinks and shooting the breeze with the rest of the guests who stayed when suddenly the door creaked open and somebody stepped inside.

“I’m sorry, I knocked,” a familiar voice said. “I hope it’s not too late to pay my respects.”

“Mom…” Dean breathed, getting to his feet. “What are you doing here?”

“What are _you_ doing here?” Mary echoed.

“Wait, is this your mother?” Jody asked sympathetically before turning to the woman. “We missed ya at the wedding.”

Mary shifted uncomfortably on her feet and Donna pulled Jody away saying, “It looks like the Winchesters need some family time. Come on Jodes. Let’s go talk to those Banes twins.”

Dean pulled his mother aside and the rest of the Winchesters, as well as Charlie, followed. “She’s not wrong,” Dean told her. “Where _were_ you?”

Mary sighed. “Dean, I-”

“No. You don’t get to… T-that was the most important day of my life and you weren’t there!” Dean choked, desperately trying to hold back tears. “Does it really bother you so much that you couldn’t even be bothered to show up?”

“I’m sorry,” was all his mother said.

“Sorry? You think sorry changes anything?” Dean asked, tears welling in his eyes.

“Dean… Maybe we should go outside,” Cas offered, placing his hand on his husband’s shoulder.

Dean nodded and let Cas escort him outside. He faintly heard Charlie and Sam talking to his mother as his angel closed the door behind them. Once outside, Dean popped open the trunk and pulled out a flask from a wooden box. He leaned against the Impala and took a swig of what appeared to _not_ be holy water.

“Dean…” Cas scolded as he took the flask from his husband.

“Guess you didn’t get rid of _all_ the booze, did you?” Dean asked before sinking to the ground.

Cas joined him on the pavement. They were quiet for a moment. “Dean, you still remember it fondly though, right? Even if she wasn’t there?” he asked.

Dean put his arm around him, drawing him closer. “‘Course I do. What kind of question is that?”

“Then don’t let her taint your memory of it… Please,” his angel said softly.

Dean kissed his temple and leaned his forehead against his brow. “Cas… Please don’t think… I love you, whether I have her approval or not,” he whispered.

For a moment, time lost meaning. The only thing that mattered in the universe was each other. And that’s how they stayed, clutching one another, until _she_ showed up.

“Billie? What are you doing here?” Cas asked upon noticing the reaper.

“My job,” she said simply.

Dean chuckled and looked up at her. “Well, I’m not dead yet.”

“Shame,” Billie said and Dean felt Cas tense beside him. “But actually, I just finished inside. I was reaping a fresh soul.”

Cas squinted his eyes. “How is that possible? I would have sensed…”

“Unless you were distracted by all those bothersome emotions angels aren’t supposed to have,” the reaper said looking at Dean as she spoke.

Dean felt panic as her words settled in. He sprung up and went to the door but it wouldn’t budge. He pounded on it and called out to his brother but Billie chuckled.

“You can huff and puff, but that house is on supernatural lockdown. They can’t hear you,” she informed him. “Your angel here can’t even get in.”

Dean slammed himself against the door and Cas put a hand on his shoulder as if to tell him ‘back off, I’ve got this’ but Cas couldn’t bust it down either.

“What did you do?” Dean growled at Billie once they realized the door was impossible.

“It wasn’t me. I don’t get my hands dirty. Rules. I just clean up the mess. Still, between us, it’s always nice to see a Winchester who can’t get what he wants.”

“You think this is funny? Huh? Hunters are dying in there!” Dean shouted, getting angrier by the second.

“Everyone dies,” Billie said with a hint of annoyance.

“You got in there to reap that soul, right? You can get me in?” Dean asked her.

“I could, I suppose. But-”

“Do it!” Dean shouted.

“But it’s one ticket, one-way. Your _husband_ isn’t invited,” she told him.

“Fine.”

“And you’re gonna owe me one.”

“Dean… I can’t let you do this,” Cas said, grabbing his arm. “Let me go instead.”

“The offer was for you, not your hubby. Sorry. The deal stands,” the reaper said with a shadow of a smirk. “Do you want to see what’s behind door number one or not?”

Dean looked at Cas, his eyes an apology. “Just do it.”

Suddenly with a blinding light, Dean was back inside.

“Where’s my family?” he asked the first two people he saw.

“How did you…?” Elvis asked, bewildered.

“He’s the demon!” Asa’s mother shouted before Dean could answer.

“Demon? If there was a demon, Cas woulda sensed it. Especially if it was in me,” Dean explained to them.

“Kill him!” the mother shouted again and Elvis pulled out a knife.

Dean threw up his hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, lady. Look, I’m not a demon, okay? I’m one of the good guys. If there is a demon here, don’t you think it would’ve waited until _after_ the angel went outside to make it’s appearance? It’s probably warded against him,” he said. “Now stick with me, do what I say, and everybody’ll get out of here, okay? Everybody.”

* * *

**Wednesday, November 16th, 2016 (the following morning)**

As it turned out, not everybody got out. Randy and Elvis didn’t make it. And, just to put the icing on the cake, both Jody and Charlie wound up possessed. Dean’d never been possessed but he knew they were probably gonna need therapy after _that._ All and all, it was one hell of a crazy night. After they banished the demon, Bucky confessed that he and Asa had argued over how to handle a hunt. The argument got physical, and when Asa shoved him, Bucky shoved back, knocking Asa to the ground where he hit his head on a rock and died instantly. Out of fear, Bucky hung his body to cover up what had really happened, hoping people would believe a demon killed Asa. Dean _knew_ there was a reason he didn’t like the guy.

When day broke, they salted and burnt the bodies of the lost. As Dean watched the pyre for the second time in twenty-four hours, his mother approached him, leaning against the Impala next to him.

“Hey,” she said and Dean chose to ignore her. She sighed and continued, “So… Um, talked a bit with Charlie last night. Jody and Donna too… They’re good people.”

“Can you get to the point?” Dean snapped and Cas nudged him, grabbing his hand as Dean uncrossed his arms.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Winchester. Please continue,” the angel said.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I understand how much of a struggle this has been for you now,” she said, gesturing between him and Cas. “I didn’t realize what John did to you... I guess I was so caught up in the newness of it all that I forgot to think about how you felt.”

Dean felt white hot anger hit him in the chest. “No you didn’t,” he snarled but Cas squeezed his hand, calming him slightly.

“Dean please let her continue,” Cas said to his husband as his thumb grazed over the back of Dean's hand.

“Thank you, Cas...” Mary said genuinely. “Things have really changed since I was here and I guess I wasn’t prepared for it. It-It’s something I’d never been exposed to… But, Charlie explained that people like you and her still existed back in the day. You just, kept quiet about it or suffered through it because coming out would have been social suicide, or _worse..._  I never stopped to think that people I knew could have been gay or bisexual and living a lie to fit in or be safe. I-I never realized… And when she told me about the shooting in Orlando… I guess people still aren’t safe. Not really… You didn’t chose to be this way and you shouldn’t have to feel unsafe or ostracized for who you love. I get that now… I’m so sorry, Dean…”

Dean took a deep breath before he spoke, looking down at his boots rather that at Mary. “When you acted the way you did it reminded me of Dad…” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “A-and all the walls I had to put up for his approval. The man I had to become in order to fit in. I spent so many years of my life hiding who I was a-and hating myself for it. And now that I found someone who makes me happy, I mean _truly_ happy, I had to go through the same thing all over again but with _you…_ You have no idea how much that hurt.”

“I can’t take back what I did. I know that. But I wanna try. I really do. You’re my son… And I’ve missed out on too much of your life already,” Mary said as a tear rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away before giving her son a weak smile. “I would love to get to know you better. Maybe have coffee with you and Cas sometime?”

Dean casually wiped his eyes with his sleeve before giving her a shrug. “We could go get breakfast,” he suggested. “Demon killng’s hungry work and all.”

“I’d like that,” his mother smiled genuinely. “Thank you, Dean.”

End of chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've posted the first chapter of my season 13 coda fic [ Find My Bluebird (Ramble On).](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11535201/chapters/25897560) I will be writing it inbetween posting this if and when I have writers block. I may also use some ideas from it to write season 13 of this fic, but it will be substantially different with the whole established relationship thing I've got going on here. Please check it out!


	37. Rock Never Dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter can be summarized with: turkey, Ladyheart, Mom's birthday, and pink panties ;)   
> (How's that for a teaser?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This beautiful Thanksgiving themed artwork is so fucking good it creeps me out. Like they captured Misha/Cas so well I am literally stunned!  
> [Autumn Cosy](http://mlle-gabrielle.deviantart.com/art/Autumn-Cosy-600956188) by [mlle-gabrielle](http://mlle-gabrielle.deviantart.com/) on [DeviantArt](http://www.deviantart.com)

**Chapter 37**

November turned out to be a crazy month. Not only was it Olive-vercery on the 18th, and Cas just _had_ to rush out and buy a six foot tall cat tree, but it was also the first Winchester Thanksgiving, and Dean wanted to do it _right,_ turkey and all.

He invited Jody and Donna over for the weekend, hoping that he could get some help in the kitchen. Sam and Charlie didn’t cook, and he was tasked with feeding almost a dozen hungry people. He sent text invites out to the same people who were at the wedding, hoping that the twelve of them could function as some sort of extended family for holidays and such. To his surprise, everyone said yes. Even Mary.

He made sure to do all of his shopping a week ahead of time, knowing that shit’d be sold out the week of. Sam wanted _fresh_ green beans for the casserole, but he wasn’t cooking dammit! Canned was good enough. He hoped the little shit was good with Insta-Mash too because he sure as hell wasn’t peeling potatoes.

Jody, Donna, and Alex arrived Wednesday night with - not one but three - pumpkin pies. All store bought, of course, but Dean wasn’t complaining. He knew the sheriffs were busy ladies.

Kevin and Linda showed up early Thursday morning just as Dean and the girls were getting set up in the kitchen. Linda tried to help but with Donna, Jody, and now Eileen (who had been staying with them for about a week) it was becoming a ‘too many cooks in the kitchen’ situation as it was.

By two o’clock they had a table full of food and family. Dean couldn’t have been happier.

That was, until he noticed Cas sitting somberly next to him, nursing a drink. “Do you wanna try anything, babe?” Dean asked as his husband sipped his beer.

“You know I won’t be able to really taste anything,” the angel said softly. “Not as humans do… Maybe by this time next year…”

“Hey, for you? I’m peeling potatoes,” Dean told him with a smile. “Hell, nothing’ll be canned or frozen or premade. Your first Thanksgiving is gonna be from scratch, you hear me?” he said, gripping his angel's hand on the table.

Cas offered him a small smile in return.

* * *

The following Wednesday, Mary was out on a hunt in West Virginia and was utterly kicking Dean’s ass at words with friends. He had half a mind to have Cas play her and pretend to be him, but his husband insisted that it would be considered cheating. Only sometimes did Dean regret marrying an angel, and this was one of those times.

“Come on, baby, she’s kicking my ass! Just play for me for one round!” he begged the dark haired man sitting next to him.

“I told you, Dean, I’m not-” the angel started but was abruptly cut off by his cell phone going off in his trench pocket. He pulled it out and eyed the screen curiously. “It’s Crowley.”

“Well, then answer it. It’s probably a lead on Lucifer.”

“Crowley… I see… Yes, I’ll inform them,” he said before hanging up.

“So…?” Dean asked, propping his elbows on the table and looking at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“He thinks that the musician Vince Vincente is still being possessed by Lucifer, but he doesn’t know for certain,” the angel answered with a sigh.

“Fine, then we trail the douchebag and see if we spot anything Satany.”

* * *

Of course, tracking the Keith Richards wannabe meant traveling twenty-two hours to L.A. This, Dean wasn’t so thrilled about. Especially not since Sammy insisted they listen to fucking _Ladyheart_ as ‘research.’ _Fuck my life,_ Dean thought as he passed through the desert states with nothing more than glam-rock to listen to.

Once they arrived at the music studio Crowley'd asked them to meet at, Dean tried to get Cas to ditch the trench coat before going inside, but the angel refused.

“Come on, Cas, don’t you think it’s a little stiff for this town? Lose the coat and loosen your tie a bit,” he instructed, reaching for the angel’s lapels.

“I happen to _like_ my clothes, Dean,” Cas said, pushing his husband’s hands away.

“Cas, it makes your look like some third-tier private eye or some shit.”

Cas gawked at him. “Well at least I don’t dress like a lumberjack!”

At this, Dean smirked. “You married me, remember? Maybe you’ve got some sort of lumberjack fantasy kink going on,” he said with a wink.

“Gross, guys…” Sam whined before stepping out of the Impala and heading inside.

After discussing the situation with the King of Hell, the Winchesters followed him to the hotel Vince was staying at. The slimy bastard had somehow managed to snag the guy’s keycard and Dean was fairly certain acquiring it involved getting in someone’s pants. Quite frankly, he didn’t want to know.

The room was hit by a fucking sex tornado.

“It looks like there was some kind of fight,” commented Cas, looking around at the mess of pizza boxes, booze, and clothes.

“Yeah, the sexy kind,” Dean said, picking up a frilly tong from the loveseat and throwing it at his husband.

Cas caught the lacy fabric and dropped it with disgust upon realizing what it was. “That was highly unsanitary, Dean,” he scolded.

“Oh, lighten up!” Dean said as he approached the angel, grabbing him by his coat to draw him in so he could whisper in his ear. “Did I ever tell you about Rhonda Hurley?”

“Enough with the PDA, guys,” Sam grumbled and Dean refocused his attention on the case, all thoughts of pink satiny panties pushed aside for the moment.

* * *

Their little trip to Cali wasn’t a _total_ failure, at least they saved the crowd of people attending Vince’s show, even if they weren’t able to save the rockstar himself. Dean was reflecting on this in his bedroom when Cas walked in and sat beside him on the bed.

“The other day…” the angel started and looked away as if embarrassed. “Who… who is Rhonda Hurley?”

“If I tell you, you gotta promise you won’t laugh,” Dean said, giving him a serious side-eye.

“I’m assuming it has something to do with a… former flame?”

“Kinda,” Dean admitted. “But that’s not why I brought her up.”

“Then why…?”

“I was nineteen and, um… We were fooling around…”

“Dean…”

“And she, um, made me put on her panties,” the hunter admitted.

Cas raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh?”

“And I liked it, ok?” he said with a shrug.

“You _liked_ it?”

“Hey, don’t judge,” Dean scoffed.

“I’m not… I just didn’t expect…” the angel said.

“Yeah, well, I was thinking… maybe… you know?” he stammered.

It took Cas a couple minutes to catch on but once he did a sly smile crossed his lips. “You want to try it again?” he asked and a hungry look darkened his eyes.

A thrill went through Dean’s body but he casually shrugged, trying not to betray just how much he wanted to be a little kinky with his angel.

* * *

Unfortunately, preparations for Mary’s birthday party put the panties on hold. They didn’t get back from California until the wee hours of Saturday morning, and that left the boys with a little less than two days to plan their mother’s birthday.

“So how old is Mom exactly?” Dean asked that afternoon when he, Cas, and Sam were out shopping.

“Um… well, if she’d been alive she would be turning 62, but physically she’s still the same age she was when she died so… more like 29.”

“So is she 62 or 29?” Dean insisted.

“From my understanding of human preoccupation with age, I think your mother would prefer we treat this as her 29th birthday,” Cas stated simply.

“Huh,” Dean chuckled. “Kinda weird, right?”

“Dean, you do know I’m millions of years older than you and that you’ve ‘adopted’ a young woman who, if you had fathered her biologically, you would have been only eighteen by the time she was born? Barely old enough to be considered an adult and, judging your past, very incapable of taking care of a child at the time,” Cas said to him.

“Ok? Point?” Dean asked, trying not to be offended by his husband’s matter-of-fact tone.

“I’m just saying, I don’t see why age matters. She is still your mother. And weirder things have happened.”

* * *

The bunker was once again Mary’s home-base so by the time Monday rolled around, she was awoken by Sam and Claire with breakfast in bed.

“You really didn’t have to do this,” she protested when she saw her son and granddaughter barrell into her room with a tray of eggs, bacon, toast, and a steaming mug of coffee.

“Yeah, well, I never got the chance before so…” Sam said with a shrug. “I missed out on all this mom stuff.”

“I cooked so don’t let him take all the credit!” Dean said, leaning against the door frame.

“They’re both liars. It was _my_ idea,” said Claire from her perch at the edge of Mary’s bed. “I missed out on a lot of the mom stuff too, you know.”

Mary was quiet a moment. “Forgive me if this is none of my business but you never did tell me how you came to Dean and Cas… They adopted you, right?”

“Um, It’s… it’s kinda a long story…” the young hunter admitted.

Before she had time to explain, Olive bounded into the room and jumped in Mary’s lap. Cas followed shortly behind and upon seeing his kitten so close to the food, began apologizing immediately, “She got away from me while playing a hunting game. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Not at all. She’s not bothering anything,” the Winchester mother said with a wave of her hand.

Cas nodded. “I… I, um, heard what you asked Claire. And if it’s alright with her and Dean, I feel as if you deserve the full story. However, I’ll relay it as it is my burden to bear,” he said with his eyes downcast, unwilling to look at his husband or adopted daughter.

“Cas… Don’t be like that…” Dean sighed before coming the rest of the way into the room and placing a hand on his husband’s shoulder. “It’s in the past… right?” he asked, turning to Claire.

“I forgave you a long time ago…” Claire said softly. “You’ve been just as much a father to me as my real dad ever was… both of you have.”

Mary grabbed her hand. “Claire, I was twenty-eight years old with a husband and two little boys. I woke up one day and it was thirty years in the future. Both my babies had grown up and suddenly there was this strong beautiful young woman who entered my life and started calling me g-ma,” she said with a laugh and Claire gave her a small smile. “I never expected to be a grandmother before I was thirty but I’m so glad I am… You remind me of myself when I was your age… Darling, I don’t care how you became a part of this family, I’m just happy to have you… I take it you lost your mother and father somehow, and I’m so sorry to hear it… But know this sweetheart, you are loved. I understand if you want to leave the past in the past, I really do, but I’m hear to listen if you ever need me.”

Claire nodded and took a deep breath. “My parents were James and Amelia Novak. My dad, Jimmy, worked for AM Radio or something. I was too little to really understand… He was a man of faith and I guess he believed the version of God and Angels he learned in church. I think he also had the right bloodline or something because he was chosen as a vessel… Cas’s vessel… He didn’t know that Heaven isn’t like how they said in Sunday school. He just wanted a purpose maybe… So he said yes… And believe me, having an angel take over your body like that is not a good time. It fucking _sucks,”_ she said a little harsher than she meant to.

“I… I-I didn’t know…”

The young woman shrugged. “There’s no way you could have known,” she said. “Back then… well, let’s just say that Cas was just as much a bag of dicks as any other angel… Then I guess he got himself blown up during the apocalypse or something and my dad died, but Cas was brought back by God or something and Dad went to Heaven. And then my mom left and got captured by some more of Heaven’s finest dickwads and died too. But not before Cas and Dean tried to save her… I mean _really_ tried. This was like six years after my dad died and Cas felt bad so he wanted to help me find her. I think Dean must’ve made him more human over the years because he just wanted to make amends for what he did, you know? And at first I hated his stupid angel guts, but then I saw how different he was and I dunno… I guess I gave him a second chance… I lived with Jody for a while but in the end I just wanted to hunt with Dean and Cas. I wanted to hurt all the monsters out there so that no other kids had to grow up like me… And they just kinda grew on me. And living with them started to feel like home. Like I had a family for the first time since I was a little girl. And now I love ‘em… I feel like I should hate him for what he did to me but I just don’t… Not anymore… When I look at him I just see my _dad._ Not, like, my dad _Jimmy,_ but my dad _Cas…_ I know that doesn’t make any sense...”

Mary nodded sympathetically. “When I look at my sons, even though they’re bigger than me, I still see my little boys. And even though they’re both older than I am, I still feel like their mom. It’s like my maternal instincts recognize my babies and all I want to do is love them… It was hard at first. I was angry and confused but I never stopped loving them… I think I understand you perfectly, Claire,” Mary said before pulling the younger woman into a tight hug. “We’re all really lucky to have each other… Charlie too, wherever that girl is.”

“Ice-cream cake,” was all Dean said before texting her to inquire where the fuck she was with the delicious frozen dessert.

* * *

 A couple of days later, after making a quick(ish) pit-stop to the nearest Victoria Secret, Dean put on his new pair of lady's XL silky pink bikini briefs. He must've grown a bit since he was nineteen because he  _knew_ Rhonda's medium wouldn't fit anymore. And the XL gave his boys extra breathing room, which was a plus, considering he planned on wearing them under his jeans and giving Cas a bit of a surprise. The angel didn't even blink when Dean said he was going out Christmas shopping and just stayed behind in the library while Dean went out. He didn't suspect a thing.

After returning from his trip to the mall, he found Cas alone in the library, staring blankly at his laptop. Dean took the opportunity bend over and 'innocently' mess with Cas's charging cable. He wore his loosest jeans so that, hopefully, a sliver of the pink fabric would show when he displayed his ass to Cas in - admittingly - a very non-subtle way.

Cas must've noticed because he swallowed and asked, "Dean... what are you wearing?" in an almost-whisper.

"Early Christmas present," the hunter said with a waggle of his brow.

"I... uh, I didn't think you were serious when you said..."

Dean pushed his chair back and straddled him, running his finger down his chest seductively while Cas watched him with wide eyes. "What, angel, is this too kinky for you? Silk ties are fine but you draw the line at lady's underwear?"

Cas gulped. "I... Dean... Um..." he stammered, bringing his hands down to rest on Dean's hips. "I imagined but I never thought..." He could have swore the angel blushed.

Dean chuckled and ran both hand's down his husband's biceps. "Did you fantasize about the silk rubbing against your bare body?" He nibbled at his ear, rolling his hips slightly. "Did you imagine all the naughty ways I could get you off?"

A primal noise escaped the angel's throat. "Bedroom. Now!" he growled before standing up and pushing Dean off of him like he weighed nothing. He pulled Dean back in by his belt loops and slipped his hands down the back of his jeans, moaning slightly when he cupped Dean's ass. "If nobody were home I'd ravage you right here on this table," he whispered into his neck, giving the hunter goosebumps.

"We can add that to the bucket list," Dean said as Cas kissed him on his pulse point. The angel tugged at the flesh with his teeth in a way that bordered between pain and pleasure. Dean couldn't get enough. "I swear to fuck Cas, I'm gonna come in my pants if we don't get to a bed soon."

Cas nodded and began leading Dean to their room by the hand, stopping every couple of feet to pin him against the wall and kiss him silly. It was a fucking miracle they didn't run into anyone before they closed their door behind them.

As soon as the latch clicked, Dean was pressed against the wood and Cas ran his hands up his shirt, digging his fingers into the flesh of his back before tugging it over his head. He looked Dean over greedily before starting on his own buttons, which turned into a two person job as both men scrambled to unhook each round plastic disc. The need to feel skin on skin took hold and Dean pressed into Cas once again, guiding him to the bed as he kissed him with passion. When the backs the angel's knees bumped into the memory foam, he sat and pulled Dean towards him by the hips before _slowly_ undoing the button and sliding down the zipper.

"Always the tease," Dean said with a sly smile before letting his pants drop to his ankles. 

Now that there was just the single layer of thin fabric between them, Dean suddenly felt self-conscious. The cut of the briefs didn't leave much to the imagination and he was worried that Cas wouldn't find the semi cross-dressing sexy. But when his husband's eyes drifted to his hardened bulge, his tongue darted out to wet his lower lip before worrying it between his teeth.

Dean guided uncharacteristically nervous hands to his hips and Cas let out a small wanton noise as his fingers grazed the silky fabric. His hands glided to Dean's ass and he pulled the hunter into him until lovers collided on the bed in a heap. 

"Dean..." Cas moaned as he kissed down his neck and sucked at his collar bone, leaving a possessive bruise behind.

"Pants... off... now..." Dean groaned in between small gasps of pleasure and Cas made quick work of his belt and zipper before Dean slipped his slacks down his muscled thighs and threw them off the bed. "Those too..." the hunter said as he ground his pelvis into Cas's sharp hips, tugging at the waistband of his boxers. He helped his angel slip them off and Cas's erection bobbed to his stomach, already leaking and heavy with lust.

As promised, Dean thrust his silk covered member against Castiel's and the angel's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he released a sharp hiss of want and desire. "Dean... if you keep doing that... I'm gonna..." he warned and the hunter let out a soft chuckle. He loved seeing his husband come undone.

Cas reached behind him and slipped his hands down his back, cupping his ass and guiding Dean's pelvis towards his own. He let off a small shudder as the smooth fabric made another pass over his heavy cock and Dean buried his head in his neck. "How do you want me?" the hunter breathed into his ear.

A needy "Want... Dean..." was all his husband managed to say.

Dean kissed him on the lips chastely and rolled off him, laying beside him on his stomach. "I want you to fuck me into the mattress," he said, his voice more desperate than he intended. "Cas, I need you..."

Castiel kissed down his spine before pulling his panties down over his ass and giving the taut flesh a soft slap. As slick fingers pushed into Dean's entrance and he quickly groaned for more. A moment later, he felt his husband's thickness press inside him and he welcomed the familiar tight burn that quickly melted to pleasure as Cas angled each pass into the bundle of nerves of his prostate, making Dean spit out nonsensical curses as his angel thrust into him.

He reached for his own cock, desperate for release, but Cas stopped his hand. "I want you to come untouched. Can you do that for me?" he grunted into his ear with hot breath. The request was so sensationally hot that Dean came right then and there, spilling into the bed sheets.

Seconds later, Cas bit into his shoulder blade before tensing and releasing his load into Dean, filling him with his seed, before collapsing on top of him. Panting, both men laid in a sweat-soaked heap for a couple of blissful minutes before Cas pulled out and rolled off of Dean. He pulled the hunter to his chest and rubbed his back soothingly before kissing him on the top of the head.

Dean heard him mumble "Best Christmas present ever..." before passing out with a smile on his lips.

End of chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you watch the scene in Rock Never Dies where Dean picks up the panties in Vince's hotel room, if you pay attention closely, Cas has them in his hand the very next shot. And we all know Dean has a pantie fetish. Now, I'm not saying it means anything, but... ;)


	38. LOTUS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, as you know, the fluff can't last forever. Anticipate the events of the season to progress as normal. Please don't hate me too much, I intend on resolving certain plot points even if the show never does (fingers crossed they do though)! You all know what I'm talking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I might have made a small nod to Find My Bluebird in this. See if you can catch it.

**Chapter 38**

It was Claire’s birthday that Friday. The big two-oh. After the success that was Mary’s birthday, Dean was almost certain he could make the young hunter’s exodus from teenhood pretty damn awesome. What he didn’t expect, was to find Claire packing her bags when he went to her room to wish her a happy birthday.

“Whoa whoa whoa! Where’re you going?” he asked as she shoved her entire closet into her duffel.

“Alex got her own place. Transferred from USF to the University of Nebraska in Lincoln. She’s set up in an apartment off campus. Lease started at the beginning of this month so she can get settled before break ends. Can you believe they get a whole month off?” Claire explained as if it weren’t news to Dean.

“So you moving in or something? You don’t need that much clothes for just a weekend trip,” he pointed out, sitting on the edge of the bed while she packed.

“Well she _did_ transfer to be closer to me. Figured it’d just be easier if we lived together…” she said with a shrug. “It’s not like I’ll never see you. Lincoln’s kind of the halfway point.”

Dean sucked in a deep breath. He was _not_ gonna get mad at her for wanting her own life. Not on her birthday. He wasn’t his dad. “Ok… That’s cool, but why am I just now hearing about it?”

“‘Cause I didn’t want you to try to talk me out of it,” Claire said, finally meeting his eyes. “I just… I want what you and Cas have, you know? I think… I think she’s the one.”

Dean’s eyebrow quirked. “Oh yeah?” he asked thinking that she was _way_ too young to be considering spending her life with someone. He sure as hell didn’t know what he wanted at her age.

Claire sighed. “I know what you’re thinking. Before you say it, just know that I’m not planning on popping the question this weekend. It’s just… It’s something I’ve been thinking about. Moving in with her’s a big enough step as it is though. Besides, she’s got school and stuff so it’s not like we’re in any rush for marriage or kids or anything like that just yet…”

“But…?”

Claire sighed again and sat on the bed. _“But,_ don’t be surprised if she’s got a rock on her finger sometime in the near future. I mean, you and Cas were engaged a long time before you finally tied the knot so it’s not like this shit has to happen right away… right?” she asked and Dean detected nervousness in her tone. She was coming to _him_ for advice on this shit. He wanted to help but it wasn’t like he and Cas went about things the ‘right’ way or anything.

“Well, that was mostly because Lucifer was possessing him for, like, half a year… But, yeah. You gotta take this stuff at your own pace. Do what’s best for you guys,” he offered.

Claire grinned. “Thanks, Dean.”

They spent most of Claire’s birthday helping her move into the one bedroom apartment she was sharing with Alex. As soon as they got her gaming pc setup in the living room (thanks to Charlie), all of them (Dean, Cas, Mary, Sam, Eileen, Charlie, Claire, and Alex) headed out to the Cheesecake Factory for Claire’s big day. Dean ended the night on cheesecake, claiming that it was more like pie than cake, and they said goodbye to Claire, telling her that if she needed _anything_ they were just a phone call away.

* * *

Before the Winchesters knew it, Christmas was upon them. Dean never really celebrated before, they were always in too much of a crisis or just not feeling festive enough, but this year he was determined to make it the best Christmas ever goddammit. Although he’d given Cas his ‘early Christmas present’ at the beginning of the month, he was sent on getting his husband a gift he wouldn’t forget (and no, he wasn’t talking about his penis).

At the mall, the four Winchesters, Charlie, and Eileen split up and agreed to meet back up in the food court in three hours. Sam had grumbled, saying that he could avoid the hecticness and just get all their presents online, but Dean wasn’t having _any_ of that. Besides, he didn’t trust Amazon. Damn computer were gonna take over someday.

Dean found gifts for Charlie and Claire at Hot Topic, Alex at VS Pink, Eileen and Mom’s gifts came from Bath and Body Works, Sam’s was a gag gift from an ‘As Seen on TV’ store, and for Cas, he got him a couple of things from Barnes and Noble. He also stopped by a pet store for Olive and got a little something for Jody and Donna from the Godiva store. At exactly one o’clock, he headed to the food court and got himself a chili cheese dog, and joined the rest of his family.

On December 25th, after a rousing morning of Christmas sex, Dean and Cas made their way to the library where they’d set up a _real,_ not plastic, Christmas tree earlier that month. There, they found Jody and Donna shaking their presents like small children. When Dean entered the room, he watched them for a moment before clearing his throat, making both women jump a little, guilty looks on their faces.

“Nothing to see here boys,” Donna said sheepishly as she rose to her feet and sat down in one of the chairs they had arranged in a circle around the tree.

“Uh huh,” Dean said, crossing his arms in faux anger. “Sure…”

“Get everyone’s asses out of bed already! I’m pretty stoked for our first Christmas with the Winchesters, you guys!” Jody said with glee. “And it’ll be my first with my lady…” She leaned over to give Donna a small kiss on the cheek. It was grossly cute.

When everyone was finally awake (Sam and Eileen sure took their sweet ass time and Dean did not want to know what they were doing all morning), they all gathered around the tree. Mary played Santa, helping pass out gifts to each person in a fair and orderly manner. Alex went first, and unwrapped Dean’s gift. It was an ironic jersey style tee shirt from VS Pink that said ‘fries before guys’ in big bold letters. As soon as she read it, she bust out laughing and held it up for everyone to see. Of course, Jody insisted on taking pictures.

After a couple more gifts were passed around, Mary opened her’s from Dean, a spiced vanilla three wick candle from Bath and Body Works. He’d also gotten Eileen a bottle of their French lavender and honey lotion. Sam gave her a very sparkly pair of rose shaped earrings, which earned him a kiss (again, grossly cute). Charlie unwrapped the Gryffindor cardigan Dean found for her at Hot Topic and all but tackled him as a thank you. Claire also liked his gift, a skeleton dress that she said would be perfect with ripped tights and boots. The lil punk.

He gave Olive a race track sort of toy that had a ball inside of it she could push around, which Cas opened for her. As expected, she was way more interested in the box than the toy. His gift to Sam made Donna spit her coco all over herself. Because he was a little shit, he’d gotten his brother a hair braiding tool from the As Seen on TV store. He didn’t expect him to use it, but Charlie insisted they try it out immediately, giving Sam rows and rows of tight braids. He looked ridiculous but, to everyone’s amusement, left them in for the rest of the gift exchange.

From Cas he got a cozy looking forest green sweater. He wasn't much of a sweater guy but he was a Cas guy, so he put it on right away, earning a large satisfied grin from his husband. He also gave him a really nice Fossil watch, which he knew he’d get good use out of. To Cas, he gave him the Settlers of Catan board game, a bee hat that he knew Cas would only wear the once (but _come on,_ he had to get it) and a Star Wars version of the game Sorry.

Finally, one last gift remained. Under the tree, Mary pulled out a small box. “Now, I was told to save this one for last,” she said, handing the gift and accompanying card to Alex.

Alex opened the card and her eyes went wide. “Read it!” Donna shouted and she did.

“Dear Alex… I’m not exactly good with words, but here it goes. I know we haven’t been dating for very long but being with you has been the best part of my life. It hasn’t even been a month since we moved in together, and still I know that waking up next to you is something I never want to stop doing. You are my best friend and the love of my life. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I want to spend the rest of it with you…” she read, tears welling in her eyes. “Claire…?”

“Open it,” Claire said from beside her.

Alex carefully tore open the pretty silver wrapping paper and undid the velvet purple bow. Inside was a black box. She slowly lifted the lid, revealing a beautiful rose gold ring set with a teal gemstone and framed by small diamonds.

“Oh my god…” she whispered as Claire got down on one knee in front of her. “Oh my god.”

“Annie Marie Jones… Alex… I know this may be a little soon, but-”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure? I won’t be upset if you say-”

“Claire, I’m saying yes!” Alex cried as she grabbed her now-fiancée by the face and pulled her into a kiss. Everyone cheered as Claire slipped the ring onto her finger.

* * *

2016 turned into 2017 and there was still no sign of Lucifer. After the first of the year, the only people left in the bunker were Dean, Cas, Sam, and Charlie. Mom was out hunting again and didn’t know when she’d be back. Dean, however, was in no rush to machete any vamps. He was perfectly content spending the winter months curled up with Cas watching movies and playing Settlers with his brother and ‘sister.’

His birthday consisted of a ski resort in Colorado minus the skiing. It was mostly a hot tub, room service, and legalized marijuana. Pretty much the best birthday ever.

Valentine's Day wasn’t something Dean normally made a big deal over. In the past he’d dubbed it ‘Unattached Drifter Christmas’ but for the holiday, Cas got him tickets to a cruise at Navy Pier in Chicago. Couldn’t really say no to that.

A couple of days after they got back from the Windy City, however, Cas received a phone call from none other than the King of Hell.

Mary was still out hunting on her own, and Charlie promised to hold down the fort. So the three remaining Winchesters traveled to New York and met Crowley at a morgue, looming over the dead body of a powerful CEO who, surprise, had been a vessel for the Devil himself.

“Lucifer's not content with slutting it from one random vessel to the next. He's moving on to blue chips: celebrities, captains of industry. He just got a lot more dangerous,” the demon explained.

“I agree with agent Zappa,” Cas said and Dean rolled his eyes. He _would._

“Ok. Why don’t we split up,” Dean suggested. “Cas, you and Crowley continue to investigate here, and Sam and me will figure out what we can dig up back at the bunker.” He didn’t like leaving Cas alone, but he knew his husband could take care of himself.

After some research, they discovered that Lucifer was probably possessing a St. Louis archbishop and promptly traveled to his archdiocese to investigate. The place was a slaughterhouse. Exorcism gone wrong. Unfortunately, they found the archbishop. He didn’t make it. Lucifer burned him out. They definitely needed Cas on this one.

They returned to the bunker again and showed Cas the pictures of the bloodbath at the archdiocese. They all agreed that they had to call Crowley, although, Sam was _not_ happy about his ability to just _show up_ in their library.

After some dramatics, the King of Hell told them, “Did a little digging, acting on a tip. And I think I know the identity of Lucifer's newest vessel. Gentlemen… Lady,” he said, giving Charlie a small nod. “I give you one Jefferson Rooney, President of these United States.”

_Fucking great._

* * *

The plan had holes. Glaring holes. And Cas was none too happy about it as he paced back in forth in the library. “Even if Crowley does bring in Rowena, the problem remains. Lucifer can't be returned to the cage inside his vessel. His essence has to be extracted,” he said as Sam walked back into the room.

“Yeah. And Lucifer has found the perfect safe house,” Sam said, pulling up the White House webpage on his laptop. “I mean, how do we even start getting close to the President?”

“Well, it helps that he's not in D.C.,” Dean said from his own laptop. “He's actually on a fundraising swing through the Midwest.”

“Yeah, right now, it looks like his whole party - aides, Secret Service, the whole circus - is staying at an estate owned by Ron Forester... the, uh, hedge fund zillionaire... It's right outside Indianapolis. But it is completely surrounded by walls, security, Secret Service, military. Plan B?” Sam asked, pushing his laptop away.

“He's got a hell of a speaking schedule. Averaging three events a day, and he's got a gala dinner on Friday night,” sighed Dean, rubbing his hand down his face.

“Well, at least he'll be outside of the mansion,” Castiel stated, leaning against Dean's table.

“Yeah, but that shit’ll be guarded. Like Heimdall guarding the rainbow bridge guarded,” Charlie pointed out. “We need a plan C.”

Cas nodded. “I’ll grab you guys some coffee,” he offered, for which Dean was grateful. He really did have the world’s greatest husband.

When Cas returned to the library balancing four cups of dark liquid, he suddenly buckled over, smashing the Men of Letter’s white and red mugs onto the hardwood floor. He was clutching his head and grunting in pain, clinging to one of the library tables.

“Cas? Cas? Hey, baby, are you ok?” Dean asked as he fussed over his husband.

“Something's happened. Something…” Cas gasped. “Angel radio... There’s so many voices.”

“What are they saying?” Sam asked, concerned.

“There's been a massive surge in celestial energy,” he breathed. “A Nephilim is come into being.”

Charlie looked confused. “A what now?”

“It's the offspring of an angel and a human,” Cas explained. “But the power to produce this is immense. It's much, much greater than a typical angel.”

“Lucifer,” Sam gulped.

“Lucifer?” the older Winchester brother bleated. “I didn't know he was dating.”

“Maybe we need help from our witchy friend after all,” Charlie exclaimed, a stunned look on her face.

All of them, minus Charlie, drove out to Indy to meet Crowley and Rowena. On the way there, they got pulled over by Secret Service. The situation turned confrontational fast and just as things were getting hairy, the Brits intervened, thanks to Sam. Smug sons of bitches wanted them to join their little club. Yeah fucking right. No way that was gonna happen, even with their fancy toys. But, against his better judgement, Dean offered a deal. They’d hear them out, if, and only if, they let them borrow their fancy exorcism egg thing.

After retrieving Rosemary, and introducing themselves as ‘a witch, an angel and his husband, and the King of Hell’ and dropping the bomb that God was MIA, they explained the situation, even demonstrating with the motel Bible, which burned as soon as Kelly touched it.

They came up with a cleverly devised plan to get LOTUS to the motel and use the BMoL egg against him. Hopefully it’d work.

It did. Cas, upon Dean’s orders, took Kelly and ran. Leaving Dean and Sam to the mercy of the Secret Service agents who promptly cuffed and arrested them both.

Fucking great.

End of chapter 38

* * *

 

Cas's gifts:

Olive's cat track toy:

This is the product Dean got for Sam (and yes it does look like a torture device):

Claire's skeleton dress:

Charlie's Gryffindor cardi:

Alex's 'Fries Before Guys' tee:

Sam's gift to Eileen:

Claire's gift to Alex:

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, a lot of these opinions are Dean's and not my own. I do not believe the computers are gonna go sentient nor do I hate Amazon. Do most of my shopping there actually, because I'm a lazy fuck.
> 
> And, yes, the hat is supposed to resemble the sock monkey hat.
> 
> USF is University of Sioux Falls.
> 
> Also, I get great pleasure out of Cas's closet scene in this episode. Just saying. ;)


	39. First Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That one where Castiel fights with his in-laws and takes Charlie hunting (Basically just 12.09 with added Destiel)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try and post twice a week from now on in order to finish this bitch by the time season 13 rolls around. We're getting close to this thing going into the Unknown and being able to make full predictions about Season 13 like in my other fic I'm writing. Don't worry if you're reading both, this will be very different from Bluebird.

**Chapter 39**

**Cas:**

Dean gave him a job, a mission, keep Kelly safe. So that’s what he did. He took her and ran, not looking back even when he knew the secret service men were arresting his husband and brother-in-law. It wasn’t until Kelly snuck out on him did he even stop to breathe, and when he did, he found himself short of breath. He was losing control of his vessel with worry so he took a couple deep breaths to calm himself. Panicking would get him nowhere.

The first thing he did, after looking for Kelly of course, was call Mary. He told her everything. After the shock wore off, she decided they needed to meet and discuss the plan. Cas agreed, not even knowing where to start. Without his full power, he couldn’t get them back alone. How he missed the days where he could just fly to Dean’s side whenever he called. But without his wings he was all but useless. He felt human and weak and untrained. The drive back to Kansas was sluggish, taking him almost eleven hours to cross between three states. When he entered the bunker and decended down the stairs, Mary and Charlie were already waiting for him in the war room.

He opened his mouth to explain but his mother-in-law quickly cut him off. “You left them!” she exclaimed before Cas could begin.

He pushed against the map table, drawing the attention back to him. “No, I… Dean told me to go. The woman-”

“The one you lost?”

Cas looked to Charlie for help but the petite redhead watched the exchange in silence, wide eyes drifting between the two of them. He sighed, “I didn’t. I… I thought that she-”

“Stop making excuse!” Mary shouted, effectively cutting him off.

Cas looked down in shame and Mary took a breath to steady herself. “Why… if they needed help, why didn’t they call me?”

“You were out,” the angel told her honestly.

It was Mary’s turn to look away in shame. “How did we let this happen, Castiel?” she asked before retreating to her bedroom.

Over the next couple weeks, Charlie worked her hacking magic, but wherever they were keeping the boys seemed to be _way_ under the radar and Pentagon-level secure. There was no record of them at any of the county’s high security prisons, nor at the actual Pentagon, White House, or any other top secret government record. Not even Charlie could solve this one. That left Cas with one option. How many times would he turn to Crowley for help before learning that demons were unreliable?

As it turned out, the King of Hell was less than helpful, not that Cas was surprised. All out of options, he and Charlie did the only thing they could do. They hunted, continued the family business. Because people still needed saving. And because it was what Dean and Sam would want them to do. They wouldn’t want them sitting on their asses while there was work to be done.

A few weeks later, Mary called him and asked to meet at a bar.

She cleared her throat before speaking. “Thanks for meeting me. I just wanted to say… I’m sorry. I was angry, and… Dean and Sam, that’s not your fault.”

Cas looked down at the beer he was nursing. “No, you were right. I should never have left them… He’s my husband, Mary. It’s my job to protect him…” he sighed. “Have you heard anything?”

Mary shook her head. “All my law enforcement contacts are retired, or… dead. I’m trying, but… If Charlie can’t crack it…” She was quiet a moment. “I keep telling myself they’re fine. They’ve only been gone-”

“Six weeks, two days, and ten hours,” Cas blurted. Not that he’d been counting.

Mary put her hand on his shoulder. “We’ll find them, Cas. We will. Until then, we just… We’re doing our best.”

“Are we?” Cas asked, unsure. “Did you hear about the murders in Lancaster, Missouri?”

“No.”

“The women with their throats ripped out, the blood drained?” he clarified, describing a news story he stumbled across a couple of weeks ago.

Mary nodded sadly, recognizing the tell-tale signs. “Vampire.”

“Charlie and I saw it on the news and I thought, that’s the sort of thing Dean and Sam would investigate. They would roll into town, save the day, kill the monsters. But with them gone…” he sighed and began absently twisting his wedding ring. “We tried to work the case. We really tried. But… I don’t know what we did wrong. We asked questions, but maybe they were the wrong people, or the wrong questions, and we just… We never found it. Never found the monster. Never even got close. And three more women died before we left town…”

“So we go back. The three of us,” Mary offered.

Cas considered this for a moment. “No. You and Charlie maybe but I’d only get in your way,” he concluded.

When he got home he checked his phone for messages. He had one from Mary telling him that he and Charlie didn’t have to worry about the vampire case in Missouri. That she was handling it. A few minutes later, that’s where the redhead that was akin to his sister found him. There, in the library, with his head in his hands.

“Hey… I thought I heard you come in. Everything go ok with the mother-in-law?” she asked, punching him in the shoulder with forced enthusiasm.

Cas looked up to meet her worried eyes. “No… I… I have never felt so utterly and entirely useless in all my long life. I can’t rescue my husband and his brother. I can’t even work a simple case! I… I can’t do this, Charlie! I can’t keep going without him, I don’t know how! He’s the one who taught me to be my own person, to think for myself, but without him here… I just feel so lost,” he admitted.

Charlie sat down next to him and put her arm around his shoulder. The gesture was honestly quite comforting. “Hey… I know. I know what it feels like when life won’t catch you a break, you know? Like you’re Harry Potter and you just want to go to school without being the _Chosen One_ or fighting _dark wizards_ and almost _dying_ each year,” she said dramatically and Cas laughed despite himself. He and Charlie watched all the Harry Potter movies the past few weeks in want of _something_ to occupy their time. He quite enjoyed them. “But, I’m sorry to have to tell you guys this, you _are_ the Chosen Ones. Somebody needs to stop Lord Voldemort or Lucifer or the Apocalypse and that person just happens to be you guys… and me by extension. Maybe we were never destined for the Muggle life, you know? And maybe this kind of stuff is just occasionally part of the job… But if Sirius Black can escape from Azkaban then Dean Fucking Winchester can escape from the government. Easy peasy.”

“Yes, but, Sirius died…”

“Well Dean’s Buckbeak then,” she assured him.

“Fitting,” Cas chuckled lightly. Hopefully he’d be able to escape the executioner’s axe this time.

He went back to their room and laid down, meditating on what Charlie said. Maybe Fate was on his side for once, because not even an hour later he received a call from Dean.

* * *

**Dean:**

Dean was not a stranger to being incarcerated, hell, at least once a year he found himself in lockup. But this wasn’t your average podunk jail, no, it was a high security government prison. Exactly the kind of place where they take supposed dead guys for attempting to assassinate the President. This time it wouldn’t be as simple as picking a lock or two. Hell, they wouldn’t even let them have metal silverware and nobody talked to him since his first day there. They fully intended to let him and Sam rot in here.

With a loose bed screw, Dean marked the days on the wall. Day after day, he was given some shitty bland (yet edible) meal and plastic silverware. And day after day he’d scratch a tally on the wall. He wasn’t sure what Sam was doing, as he was in a different cell, but he’d bet his ass his brother was doing crunches and push-ups like in prison movies. Dean thought about it a couple of times but decided they weren’t feeding them enough to exert himself like that. He’d rather focus his energy on finding them a way out… _If_ there was a way out. At least they gave him an electric razor so he could keep himself groomed. Too bad it wasn’t a real razor, not that it’d do him any good. It wasn’t like the guards ever got within hacking distance.

He spent most of his time thinking about Cas. He missed him more and more with each passing day. He even tried praying to him once or twice, knowing full well he could no longer hear him. Dean would give anything to see his husband again. Even if just for an hour. So he called her, called Billie. Made a deal, one he’d later regret...

He woke up on a metal table, gasping for air like a beached mermaid. After mildly interrogating the lab technician, they discovered that not even _he_ knew where the hell they were. Apparently they blindfolded him everyday on his way to work. The facility wasn’t even supposed to exist... Although, it was surprisingly easy to sneak out of the building. First thing Dean did the second they were clear was call Cas on the cell he stole from the lab coat.

 _“This is my voice mail. Make your voice… a mail…”_ said his husband's recording.

While Dean tried to reach Cas, Sam investigated an armored van. “Hey, should we take it?” he asked, pointing to the boxy black vehicle.

“No, it’s probably got Lojack,” Dean told him as he quickly redialed Cas’s number by heart but got his voicemail a second time. “Come on, baby, answer your damn phone.”

“Got a map,” Sam informed him as he dialed Cas’s number a third time.

 _“What?”_ came his husband’s skeptical voice.

“Cas…” Dean breathed, relieved.

 _“Dean!?”_  

“Hey, babe. I… I’ve missed you,” he couldn’t help but say.

_“What… What happened? Wh… where are you?”_

“You wouldn’t believe me, and I have no clue,” he admitted.

Sam came up beside him with the map he found in the van. “Got something,” he said, pointing to some mountains. “All right, looks like that’s Elk Mountain, which makes that Long’s Peak.”

“Okay, looks like we’re in Colorado,” Dean told his husband.

Sam leaned in so he could speak into the receiver. “In Rocky Mountain National Park. Uh, if we head north we should hit State Route 34. Eventually.”

“Did you get that?” Dean asked Cas.

_“Yes. But-”_

“All right, meet us there.”

_“Wait, where?”_

“Just drive along the road and you’ll see us. And, Cas… We’re kinda on the clock here. Love you,” he said before hanging up.

Sam looked at him, his eyebrows pushed together with concern. “You didn’t tell him?”

“No. I… I don’t want to worry him. Besides, the sooner he gets here the longer I get to see him before… Well… You know,” Dean explained as he began walking in the direction of the road.

“They’ll track the phone,” Sam reminded him and Dean ditched it for good measure.

It was hot and muggy for April and the jumpsuits didn’t breathe at all. Within minutes, Dean felt like a swampy mess from running through the forest in the humidity, maybe he should’ve done a pushup or two while he was in his cell...

They took out all the soldier that went after them, non lethal force of course, and met Cas and Mary on the side of the highway.

“Cas!” Dean shouted as soon as he saw his disheveled hair and scruffy face, enveloping him in a hug. “God, I missed you so fucking much.” He kissed him tenderly and buried his head in his neck.

As he was hugging Cas, Sam hugged Mom. “Where’s Eileen and Charlie?” he asked.

“Eileen’s been out hunting, we weren’t able to get ahold of her in time to meet you guys here. Charlie’s at the bunker. She injured herself on the last hunt,” Mary explained.

Dean let go of Cas and hugged his mother as well. “We’d have liked to see them,” he muttered into her hair.

“Well, you’ll see them when you get home,” she assured him. Little did she know…

The four of them made their way to Mary’s car.

“Mom, how’d y’all even find us?” Sam asked as they approached her vehicle.

“They helped,” Mary said, nodding towards the two men leaning against a black car parked behind Mary’s blue one.

The Brits helped, so what? Dean didn’t really have time to play their games. All he wanted was to spend his last few minutes with his husband. So, the four of them bid farewell to Ketch and Mick and piled into their mother’s car. Mary drove and Sam rode shotgun so Dean could sit in the back with Cas. He held his hand as his brother and mother caught up, rubbing soothing circles into the back of it with his thumb.

As they crossed a bridge, the clock struck midnight and the car came to a complete stop, shutting down on it’s own.

“It’s time,” Sam informed them.

Dean squeezed his husband’s hand before exiting the vehicle and going to stand in the middle of the bridge, Cas came to his side.

“Dean? What’s happening?” he asked.

“Yeah, Dean. ‘Sup?” said Billie, suddenly appearing in front of them.

Cas squinted his eyes at Dean. “I don’t understand.”

“Cas… Baby...  that place… there was only one way we were getting out of there, and that wasn’t breathing,” he explained and Cas gave him a horrified look, understanding immediately. “So I made a call.”

“Dean talked with her, and then Billie came to see me,” Sam clarified for Mary. “And we made a deal. We’d get to die and come back one more time, but in exchange…”

“Come midnight, a Winchester goes bye-bye. Like, permanently. And that is something I’ve been looking forward to for a long time,” the reaper said with a sly smile.

Mary looked between her sons. “Why would you-”

“We were already dead. Being locked in that cell with nothing… I’ve been to Hell. This was worse,” Dean said, his voice hitching slightly.

“At least this way, one of us gets to keep fighting,” Sam added.

Cas tenderly cupped Dean’s face and the hunter leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. “You don’t have to do this…” he whispered.

“Yeah, they do,” Billie said sharply. “We made a pact, bound in blood. You break that, there’s consequences on a cosmic scale. So, who’s it gonna be?”

Dean and Sam looked at each other, each silently expressing the desire to be the one, but before either of them could answer, Mary turned around to face Billie, drawing her handgun from her waistband.

“Me,” she said, ignoring her sons’ protests. “You said come midnight, a Winchester dies? I’m a Winchester.”

“Works for me,” the reaper said and with a flick of her wrist sent Dean and Sam flying towards the car.

Mary cocked her gun and raised it toward her head while her sons yelled at her to stop.

“I love you,” she whispered.

She was about to pull the trigger when suddenly an angel blade pierced through Billie’s chest from behind. When the reaper fell, Cas was revealed behind her, still holding his bloody blade.

Dean got to his feet. “Baby, what have you done?”

“What had to be done,” the angel said in a shaky voice. “You know this world - this sad, doomed little world - it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get, and I will not let you die. I won’t let _any_ of you die. And I won’t let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to _me_ . To _everything_. Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal, and I broke it. You’re welcome.”

End of chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how the next episode was Destiel AF? Well, I'mma make my next chapter even more so (IE Destiel on steroids). It'll start out with a couple's spat because we all know that even if they were married Dean and Cas would fight over the Billie thing. Anticipate mild angst. See you guys soon!


	40. Human Weakness

**Chapter 40**

It wasn’t that Dean _wanted_ to be mad at Cas, he just couldn’t help it. He knew why he did it, hell, it was something he’d have done if he were in his shoes. In fact, he’d made similar decisions where Sam was involved. He was the guy, after all, who refused to close the gates of Hell and killed Death just so that Sam wouldn’t have to die. He wasn’t even going to start on the whole Gadreel thing.

Yeah, Dean understood his husband’s decision, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. The first night back in the bunker he didn’t let him in the bedroom at all, despite spending so much time apart. In fact, until almost May he barely touched Cas at all, except maybe during the night while he slept. During the daylight hours, however, he was happy to give him the cold shoulder. It was petty and even Olive had picked Cas’s side, spending her lazy hours with him instead of Dean. Not that Dean was jealous, because he wasn’t. He mostly just ignored the pitying looks Sam, Charlie, and Mary gave him, brushing them off whenever they opened their mouths to talk about it. Quite frankly, Cosmic Consequences were too much for him to think about at the moment.

That didn’t stop him from picking a fight with Castiel that first day in May, effectively breaking the silent treatment. They were in the library, Sam and Eileen were away on some big birthday getaway, Mom was chasing down a shifter in Atlanta, and Charlie was lost in the World of War crack so they hadn’t seen her for a few days. Dean was looking at the obsession board Cas had set up, staring down blurry pictures of Kelly Kline scattered across a map with string and colorful pushpins. He and Cas had barely uttered more than a few sentences to each other since Dean got back, although they spent more than a couple nights engaged in hot angry sex. It _was_ hot at first, they way they took each other primally and without feeling, but after a couple times it just felt numb and unsatisfying. Dean wasn’t a fan.

“How’s a chick like this just drop off the map?” he muttered to himself, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

From his chair, Cas snapped his laptop shut. He looked distant and a little sad. “Dean, I was doing the right thing...” he said softly, not making eye contact with the hunter. Dean knew he wasn’t talking about Kelly.

The right thing? The right thing for who? “You sure about that?” Dean snapped. At least they were finally talking about it.

“Yes,” Cas simply said, still refusing to look at him.

“Yeah? Well, I’m not so sure. And when the other shoe drops-”

“I’ll deal with it,” Cas said sharply, but then he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look, Dean, I have to go.”

Dean was taken aback for a second. Sure they were fighting but was it really that bad? “Go where?” he asked, leaning against the table to look his husband in the eyes, silently begging him to stay. They could work this out. “I know I’m being an ass but you don’t-”

Cas reached out to place a hand over Dean’s. “No, it’s not that…” he said, his eyes softening. “Another angel - an old friend - called out for help a moment ago.”

“Good old reliable angel radio…” Dean deadpanned, pulling away. It wasn’t as if that form of communication hasn’t royally screwed them in the past. Again, Gadreel.

“Yeah, well, he was begging for help and then he just stopped. I need to know if he’s still alive.”

Dean didn’t hesitate, he just grabbed his coat from where he'd carelessly flung it onto one of the tables. “Alight. I’m coming with you. Gotta make sure you don’t do anything else stupid,” he said with a forced smile. He was only half-joking.

* * *

Things were still a little tense in the car, their disagreement apparently not forgotten. Cas flipped on the radio to ease the silence and Dean shut it back off again, eyes staring straight ahead at the road. He wasn’t in the mood. Cas huffed and turned to look out the passenger-side window, watching the landscape as they passed through the American Mid-West. They were quiet for what felt like hours when his husband finally spoke up.

“Whatever we're walking into, we should, you know, probably have an actual plan,” Cas said, an edge on his gravelly voice.

“Oh, he speaks!”

The angel sighed. “All I know is, Benjamin wouldn't call for help lightly. And he wouldn't put himself in harm's way if he could help it.”

Dean felt a pang of jealousy. He knew it was unwarranted but he was just in one of those moods. “Wow, this Benjamin seems like he's pretty cool, you know. Like he wouldn't make any half-cocked, knee-jerk choices.“

Cas made a harsh scoffing noise. “Yeah, you know what I like about him? Is that he's sarcastic, but he's thoughtful and appreciative, too.”

The hunter turned to look at the angel, swiving slightly as he did. “Now what is that supposed to mean?” he asked angrily.

“Dean watch the road!” Cas scolded, turning the wheel so that Dean wouldn’t fly off into a ditch.

After he righted himself, Dean took a deep breath. This wasn’t going to get them anywhere. He needed to calm down.

“Sorry,” Dean said after a moment. “Anything else we should know?”

Cas sighed. “Benjamin is always very careful. Long ago, he found a powerful vessel in Madrid, and she gave him everything, her trust, her body-”

“Wait. So Benjamin's a woman?”

“Benjamin is an _angel_. His vessel is a woman. You know this, Dean, don’t ask stupid questions… But yeah, and it's... more than that. She's not just his vessel.”

“She's... She's his friend. Or more than a friend?” Dean guessed.

“They share a bond similar to ours but it’s less physical and more… spiritual? Is that the right word? Either way... Benjamin would never put her in unnecessary danger.”

Dean hummed in agreement. “Okay, well, if this Benjamin is so careful, then what happened?”

Cas shook his head. “I don't know. That's what I need to find out.”

* * *

They were investigating an angel blade found under one of the arcade games at the crime scene when Cas stopped, clutching his head, and exclaimed, suddenly, that they had to leave. On their way to get a motel for the night, Cas asked Dean to turn around, giving him explicit directions to a diner where he was to meet up with an angel he was in contact with. He told Dean to wait outside while they conversed. Yeah, like that was gonna happen. Dean made it all of two minutes before walking in and taking a seat next to Cas at the booth.

“I said come alone,” growled a graying man sitting across from them pouring sugar into a mug. This must be the angel Cas mentioned. Ishim, he thought.

“This is my… friend,” Cas said, stumbling over the word. “My friend who apparently doesn’t listen very well.”

Dean plastered on a fake smile. Friend? What the fuck?

“Don’t lie to us Castiel. We know who he is,” another angel said. Her name was Mirabel, if Dean remembered correctly.

“Check outside to see if there are others,” Ishim said to her and she left with a small nod.

“I only brought my husband,” Cas admitted now that the jig was up.

“As far as you know,” Ishim said, stirring more sugar into his coffee. “You know, when I knew Castiel, he was a soldier. He was a warrior. He was an _angel's_ angel. Now look how far he's fallen.” He poured two more packets of sugar into the steaming brown sludge. What was that now? Five?

“How about a little coffee with that sugar?” Dean spat.

He and Ishim stared each other down for a moment, sizing one another up, before the angel turned back to Cas.

“No wings, no home. Just a ratty old coat and a poorly trained monkey,” he said. Oh, now Dean was pissed.

"Well, you can go to Hell,” the hunter snarled.

Cas put his hand on his arm, calming him slightly. “Dean, it's fine.”

“No, it's not,” he grumbled. “You have a home, Cas! A family! It sure as hell isn’t this fucker!”

“Dean, this isn't about me. It's about Benjamin.”

Dean looked into his husband's eyes and saw the truth there. He still didn't like the way this ass-hat was talking to him, but he was right. There were bigger things at stake here.

Ishim cleared his throat, drawing Dean away from the moment. “Now _that_ is refreshingly accurate. But since you brought an extra ‘person’ to our little chit chat, we should go somewhere more private. I have a safe-house nearby,” the angel said before standing. He pulled out some money and threw it on the table. “I'll go get Mirabel. So nice to see you, old friend. Have some pie.”

Dean looked at the money and almost took him up on his offer. But he wasn't about to take bribes from the dick. “Wow. Hell of a friend, Cas,” he scoffed. “Why do you let him talk to you like that?”

“If Ishim can help me find whoever killed Benjamin, then I have to,” Cas stated simply.

“Okay, yeah, look, I get that we need Super Dick there, but, I mean, come on!”

“The angels that I served with are being killed. So I will put up with Ishim, I will put up with everything else, and so will you. We should go,” the angel said, shifting in the booth and shoving lightly against Dean's shoulder, obviously trying to leave.

Dean looked at the money again. Maybe just one slice? “But… pie.”

“Now Dean!”

* * *

 

Behind the diner, near the dumpsters, Ishim and Cas got into a fight involving some chick with an eyepatch that Cas somehow knew from a hundred fucking years ago. Unfortunately, she got away, but not before Dean caught her plate numbers. They decided to follow Isham back to his safe house, a creepy abandoned church because it’s _always_ a creepy abandoned church. While the angel was being patched up, he and Cas told him about an angel who fathered a Nephilim, just a little girl in 1901. Unfortunately, the girl and her dad had to be ‘taken care of.’ Apparently, the mother, Lily Sunder, wasn’t all too happy about that. Go figure. And now, over a century later, she was out for blood. Dean convinced Cas to let him try and reason with her, after all, she and he were in a similar boat, were they not? He understood what it meant to love an angel. He had to admit to himself, though, that he was desperately relieved he and his husband couldn’t get pregnant. He realized, in that moment, that the only reason Heaven left them alone for the most part was because they were both men. Thank fuck for that.

Dean managed to track down Lily to the hotel she was staying at, confronting her in the hall. As he suspected, she was less reluctant to talk to him.

“How did you find me?” she asked, blades drawn, when Dean all but ran into her.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he put up his arms. “Just here to talk, that's it. Heard what happened to your family.”

“My family?”

“See, Cas is my family. My husband, actually. So I think that makes us more alike than you know.”

“He’s your husband?” she asked, her face penseful. “Interesting… I suppose taking a new vessel worked out for him. Or would you have preferred his previous one? She was very beautiful if I recall.”

“She?”

“Oh, you didn’t know?” she asked with a smirk. “No matter. What is it you wish to discuss?”

Dean thought he’d ignore that for now. More pressing issues. “Listen, it's not Cas's fault that Heaven has these crazy rules about Nephilim.”

“You think...? Her name was May, and she was beautiful,” she said with a sad smile. “I had a life, a wonderful life, until... They took everything from me. All my life, I dreamed about angels. I studied them. I made them my life's work, until finally I learned the spell to summon one, Ishim. When I first saw him, it was like looking into the face of the divine. I thought he was perfect. But he is a monster... I had my daughter long before I ever laid eyes on an angel.”

Dean was confused. “Wait, so…”

“My daughter was human. I met Akobel, my beloved, only after Ishim and I…” she took a deep breath, steadying herself. “Let’s just say that not all angels are as kindhearted as you claim your husband to be.

Dean scoffed. “Yeah, you’re pretty much preaching to the choir lady.”

* * *

Because he couldn’t get ahold of Cas, he begged Lily to let him go back to the church and talk to him, see if he can convince him to take Lily’s side. The woman, agreed, for the moment, and Dean set off as quickly as possible, arriving back at the hideout to find his husband leaning into his palms with exhaustion.

“Cas? Babe? You okay?” he asked, crouching beside the angel sitting in the dusty pew.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” his husband grunted. “And Ishim is fully recovered.”

Dean frowned. “Yeah. Okay. Uh, maybe wish you hadn't had done that just yet…”

“Wait, why?”

“This Lily chick? Says that her daughter was human. I think Ishim... I think he's playing you,” Dean said but didn’t get a chance to elaborate because that was the exact moment the other angel chose to walk back into the room.

“You're back. So what's new?” he asked smugly. Yeah, he heard the whole damn conversation, Dean realized with a pit in his stomach.

Cas stood up on shaky legs and Dean moved to grip his arm. “Is it... is it true, Ishim?”

“Is what true?” the other angel asked with feigned innocence.

“Lily Sunder's daughter, was she human?”

“Who told you that?” Ishim asked.

“She did,” Dean informed him. “Said you were pretty obsessed.”

“Well, she's a liar.”

“Why would she lie?” Cas growled.

Ishim shrugged. “She's human. It's kinda what they do.”

“Well, if she's a liar, she's pretty good at it,” Dean said. “You, on the other hand, kind of suck.”

“Who are you gonna believe? Your brother, or some filthy ape?”

Dean shook his head. “Cas knows who his real family is,” he stated and Ishim’s eyes went dark.

“Why do his words bother you so much, Ishim?” Cas asked, eying him skeptically.

“Who is he to question my choices? Who is he to question yours?” the angel asked.

“Well, it seems that some of my choices may need to be questioned,” Cas said, stepping closer to him until he was right in his face, full unblinking wrath. “Now tell me. The girl, was she human?”

“Oh, you're not gonna like the answer,” Ishim spat back.

Dean pulled out his angel blade and rushed at Ishim but was immediately tossed back against a wall. He couldn’t move as his husband took on the other angel. He struggled against his invisible restraints.

“I used to envy you, Castiel. You believe that?” Ishim asked before punching Cas. Dean quickly cut into his palm with his blade, slicing at the thin membrane of skin. He had to do something and fast. At least, Ishim was monologuing and seemed not to notice. “You survived Hell. You were chosen by God. But now look at you. You're just sad and pathetically weak.” He punched Cas, and the angel fell to the floor. “So now... I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

He began walking towards Dean, blade drawn. Dean’s hand hovered over the sigil.

“Don't move,” he warned.

“Do it,” Ishim challenged. “You blast me away, you'll blast away every angel in the room. I'll survive. Castiel, on the other hand, he's hurt. He might live or he might just end up a bloody smear on the wall. Roll the dice.” Dean looked at his husband’s labored breathing on the floor and dropped his hand. “Yeah. That's what I thought.”

“Ishim! No.”

Everyone turned to see Lily standing in the middle of the room, armed with her angel blade.

“Hello, my love,” Ishim greeted her.

Dean scrambled up and went to Cas’s side while they duked it out.

“You ok?” he asked and his husband grunted in response, getting to his feet.

Before he knew what he was doing, Cas left his side and slid behind Ishim, piercing his blade through the angel’s chest. As soon as the other angel fell, Cas dropped to his knees, looking up at Lily. “You held him off long enough,” he rasped out before sinking further to the ground.

* * *

Back at the bunker, Dean handed Cas a beer and sat next to him in bed. He was exhausted and just wanted to drink lying down, okay? He also knew they needed to talk.

Dean took a long swig and sighed. “Baby, I don't like how the whole Billie thing went down, okay? I know you think you were doing the right thing... And I'm not mad, I'm worried, because things like ‘cosmic consequences’ have a habit of biting us in the ass.”

Cas sighed and looked at him with big sad eyes, taking his hand and stroking his thumb across the back of it. “I know they do. But I don't regret what I did, even if it costs me my life,” he said with such honesty that Dean’s breath caught in his throat.

“Don't say that…” Dean whispered, leaning in to kiss him chastely on the lips. He gave him another quick peck before sitting back. As much as he’d love to just lazily make out with his husband, he still had another thing on his mind. “So what are you gonna do if you find Kelly and, uh, Lucifer Junior? It _is_ a Nephilim, right?”

“Oh no, it's more than that,” Cas admitted, taking a sip of his own beer. “An ordinary Nephilim is one of the most dangerous beings in all of creation. But one that's fathered by an archangel, the Devil himself? I... I can't imagine the power.”

“But, Cas, at the end of the day, it's a mom and her kid. I mean, do you – do you think you'll be able to…?”

Cas sighed, leaning into Dean’s side. “There was a time when I wouldn't have hesitated. But now, I don't know.”

Dean put his arm around him. “What are we gonna do?”

“Let's drink, and hope we can find a better way…”

“Cheers to that,” Dean said, taking a long pull of his beer. “I’ve got one more question… Lily told me your old vessel was a woman?”

Cas sat up slightly, studying him curiously. “Would you have preferred that?” he asked after a long moment and Dean choked on his beer.

“No! No, of course not,” he sputtered when he was able to speak again. “I… I think I actually kinda prefer, well, you know.” He gestured at Cas’s body.

Cas smiled and leaned into him, kissing his neck. "Oh, do you?" he asked, his voice deep and smelling of beer.

Dean's breath hitched. "Y-yeah. You know I do," he answered, as Cas sucked a possessive mark into his collarbone. 

Cas rolled so that he was straddling Dean, their hard lengths pressed together. "Tell me, what do you prefer about it?" his husband asked in a husky tone.

"Everything," Dean grunted out, rocking his hips. "Just... everything."

And it was true. Dean loved having sex with women, sure, he'd had a lot of it before he and Cas were a thing. But man, did he  _loved_ the way Cas's cock glided against his. He loved the hard lines of his body, the way his stubble rubbed against his skin, his masculine scent and taste, his deep gravelly voice. Most of all, he loved the feeling of Cas deep inside him and he needed him _now._ He grabbed him tightly by the ass and groaned as his fingers pressed into the supple flesh.

Cas hummed, rocking back into Dean. "You're going to have to be more specific than that," he teased. "Care to demonstrate?"

That night, in the throes of passion, they proved just how wrong Heaven was, and just how much a human could love an angel. Again, Dean thanked his lucky stars the God Squad hadn't tried to end their union. Cosmic Consequences be damned, he was Cas's and Cas was his and that was all that mattered in that moment.

End of chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I'd like to update sooner, I will be at a wedding out of town this weekend. I'm not a big fan of weddings, other than the one I wrote, but I promised my uncle I'd be there and it's his big day so... Guess I'll see y'all next week.


	41. Regarding Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite episode in the entire season. The only thing that would have made it better is some Cas. So I took care of that ;)

**Chapter 41**

By mid-June, Sheriffs Jody and Donna finally took the plunge and moved in together. Of course, that required a transfer on Donna’s part, but they assured Dean it was well worth it.

Claire and Alex were also doing really well. The young hunter, although she enjoyed her newfound independence, came to visit every other week. Guess she just couldn’t stay away from Dean’s cooking.

Eileen was constantly over between hunts, and Sam had never seemed happier. Cas was in and out doing Lucifer shit, but Dean didn’t mind because the sex was amazing. All in all, the summer was going great so far.

Or at least Dean thought, until he found himself lying on the dirt in the middle of a forest spooning a rabbit. And holy mother of fuck did his head hurt. How much did he drink last night? He knew he wasn’t in his 20s anymore but damn did the hangovers get worse with age. Maybe Cas was right and he should just give the stuff up for good.

After giving the rabbit a nice pat, he picked himself up from the ground. Man, did he hurt. He must’ve slept on a root or something because his back was jacked. That plus the hangover made him feel at least ten years older than he was. Fuck, maybe he should see a chiropractor if this didn’t go away on it’s own. First thing’s first though, Dean needed to figure out where he was and get some food in his belly asap. Nothing like a hearty breakfast to soak up last night’s alcohol. Hopefully some coffee'd help his splitting headache as well.

He fished his phone out of his pants only to find the screen had broken. Great. Squinting around he noticed he wasn’t in the woods at all but some trees in a park. There were people jogging on a trail up ahead. Maybe he could borrow one of their phones to call Cas or Sam?

He must’ve looked as bad as he felt because he’s pretty sure the first woman thought he was homeless, if the five she handed him was any indication. Oh well, it’s not like he was gonna give it back or anything. At least the guy with the poofy white dog was more helpful. He let Dean borrow his phone, while he watched him like a hawk, of course. He tried Cas’s number first and it went straight to voicemail so he called Sam. Thankfully, his brother picked up after a couple of rings.

 _“Hello?”_ his brother asked, obviously skeptical of the unknown number.

“Sam?”

_“Dude, where the hell have you been?”_

Dean looked around the park confusedly, and noticed the man with the dog jogging in place. He kinda looked like a glitched out NPC.

“I’m not really sure about that,” Dean admitted.

_“You- Well, where are you now?”_

Dean looked around again. Nothing seemed familiar.

“I'm not real sure about that either. I, um…” he said, looking up and noticing a spinning sign for Waldo’s Waffles. “I'm starvin'. How you feel about waffles?”

Sam made a confused noise. _“What?”_

“Dumb question. Right. What psycho doesn't love waffles?” Dean said with a grin. “I mean, they're fluffy. You got the little pockets full of syrup. You just cover 'em in whipped cream. Am I right? Anyway, meet me at Waldo’s, okay?” He hung up without waiting for an answer and handed the phone back to the jogging man with a polite nod and a ‘thank you.’

When he arrived at the waffle house, he ordered a stack of blueberry banana waffles with orange juice _and_ coffee. About halfway through his plate, his waitress returned, filling his mug. She asked him if he needed anything else and he told her he wanted a stack of the strawberries and cream waffles, because he wanted to try those too, alright? He was a growing boy!

As the waitress brought out his second stack, Sam walked in and found him at the counter.

When he saw his brother, Dean waved and patted the stool next to him. “Oh. Hey, did you bring any, um…” He grimaced and tapped his temple. Sam fished a small Advil bottle out of his jacket and shook it. “Yes!” Dean took the bottle and Sam sat down next to him.

“Sounded like you could use it,” Sam said and Dean nodded as he opened the pill bottle.

“Oh, man…” he agreed.

“Rough night?”

“Rough morning,” Dean said as he shook some pills into his hand and swallowed them with a swig of coffee.

Sam stared at him bemusedly. “Wh-what happened?” he asked. “I mean, you just went out to get some food.”

“I don't know,” Dean admitted, picking up his knife and fork to finish off his first plate of waffles.

“What does that mean?”

“I-I guess I blacked out,” Dean said and Sam snorted a small amused-but-not-amused laugh. “And judging from this hangover, it was epic.” He motioned to his head with his fork to drive in the point (no pun intended).

“Well, I tried to call you.”

“Well…” Dean picked up his destroyed phone and held it up for Sam to see and his brother nodded. He then tossed it back down on the counter with a touch of dramatics. “Not sure how _that_ happened.”

“Great,” Sam sighed, pulling out his own phone. “Alright, well, I'll text Cas and Mom, make sure they know to get a hold of me in case of emergency. Also, so Cas knows who to get ahold of if he tracks down Kelly.”

Kelly? Who the fuck was Kelly?

Sam must’ve seen Dean’s confusion because he gave him a weird look before clarifying, “The mother of Lucifer's love child?”

Dean suddenly remembered. “Right. Right. Yes, the Devil baby mama drama.” Duh! How could he forget? He grinned, quite amused with the way he phrased it. “Say that five times fast. _Devil baby mama drama.”_

He licked some blueberry sauce off his knife, earning a disapproving look from Sam.

“All right, Dean, you know, uh, you had a good run, but maybe let's pump the brakes a little bit,” he said, gesturing towards Dean’s second plate of waffles. “I mean, you're not 20 anymore.”

Yeah, Dean knew that, as evidenced by his stupid hangover and aching back this morning, but he wasn’t about to give Sam the satisfaction.

“Okay, one,” he said holding up a finger, “the Rat Pack partied till the day they died. And B, I can still kick your ass.”

To demonstrate how much he didn’t give a shit, he took another bite of waffle. Ok, maybe he _was_ starting to feel a bit full and maybe he didn’t _need_ another plate of waffles and maybe years of bad eating were finally starting to catch up with him, but he’d damned if he let his little brother win this round. Maybe Sammy just needed a plate of waffles himself? Then they could go into a diabetic carb coma together.

“Got a man who needs some waffles down here!” Dean shouted after his waitress, jerking his head towards his brother.

“Oh, no. I'm fine. I'm…”

Dean pushed his second plate towards his brother. “You can just take these if you want.”

His brother put his hand up for the bill and checked his watch. “No, Dean. Look, the morgue opens in, like, ten minutes.”

Dean was confused. He too a sip of coffee. “The morgue?”

Sam stared at him. “The autopsy results. Are you still _drunk?”_

“I don't think so,” he said as Sam leaned over to sniff him. _Uh, rude!_

“Our case? The dead guy, throat stuffed full of money? Any of this ring a bell?”

Now Dean remembered. “Right, yes. Right. Um… the accountant. Barry Gilman,” he said and Sam nodded his agreement. “Uh, and you think he got his ticket punched by a demon.”

“Maybe.”

“Okay, but when we went over to his place yesterday, we got a whole bunch of jack and a little bit of squat. There was no hex bags, no EMF, no sulfur, which means no case."

Dean licked some syrup off his thumb and took another sip of coffee.

“Yeah, but if it's not a case, then what is it?”

Dean put his mug down. “I don’t know. Death by money? You know, maybe the guy got whacked by, uh, some mob dude with an ironic sense of humor.”

Sam chuckled. “All right. Well, I'm gonna go scope out the body. If you wanna spend some more alone time with, uh, your waffles… Have fun.”

He got up to leave and Dean wiped his mouth with a napkin, he was stuffed anyway. He got up to follow Sam out but his brother stopped him.

“Did you pay?”

 _Shit!_ Dean stopped and reached for his wallet. “Oops, no. Right.”

His brother quirked an eyebrow at him. “You got it?” he asked as Dean tossed a wad of cash on the counter. Of course he had it, he was Dean Fucking Winchester!

At the morgue, along with a shit ton of money, the coroner also found a hex bag in the victim’s stomach. So they were dealing with a witch… great. Dean hated witches. To make matters worse, on the way back to the car, Dean managed to forget the word ‘enemy’ and not only that, but he had a hard time figuring out which of his keys started the Impala. It wasn’t until he put the car in drive instead of reverse and ran into the parking block and crashed into some newspaper boxes that he realized something other than a hangover might be wrong with him.

“R for reverse, Dean!” Sam said but it sounded like he was under water. He said something else and the hunter looked up at his brother, his vision spinning and slightly blurry. “Dean? Dean?” the man next to him asked, his face looked slightly annoyed.

“Who’s Dean?” the hunter asked.

The man - Sam - looked awfully concerned. “Um, you are?”

Dean snapped his fingers. “That’s right!” he said with a forced laugh. “Just pulling your leg, Sammy.”

Sam’s concerned face only deepened. “No, I don’t think you are. Dean, are you ok?”

Dean pulled the car into reverse. “‘Course I am. Let’s go.”

They drove back to the motel. On the way, Sam was pensive and quiet the whole time, as if trying to work through a problem. Once back in their room, however, he broke his silence.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I told you, I'm fine!” Dean said, slightly annoyed. Of course he wasn't fine but he didn't need his little brother all on his case about it.

“Dean, you forgot your own name!”

“For a second. Okay, yeah, that was weird,” Dean admitted. He walked over to one of the double beds and took his jacket off.

“All right, look, we know we're dealing with a witch, right? Maybe you got hexed.”

Dean tossed his gun on top of his jacket and Sam sighed in slight amusement at his lack of safety precautions.

“Dude... _If_ a witch got a clear shot of me, I would be dead, okay?” he assured him. “I wouldn't be fucking, uh… Dory.”

“Dory?” Sam huffed.

“I'm not gonna apologize for loving that fish. Not to you, not to anyone,” Dean said with a straight face.

Sam stared at him a moment before sighing. “Right. Okay. All right. If you're doing so well, name all the members of Bon Jovi.”

Dean scoffed. “Okay. Uh, we talkin' circa 1983?”

“Sure.”

“Done. We got Bon Jovi…” Dean started but for the life of him couldn't remember any other members. “Whatever. This is stupid. Sam, I'm fine. Okay?” He walked back to his bed. He needed to prove he wasn’t losing his marbles, and quickly. “I feel great. Look, uh…” He snapped his fingers and picked up his gun. “This is a gun.” He dropped his weapon back on the comforter and pointed at his coat. “This is a coat.” He walked over to the lamp in their room and gestured at it. “This is a... a... a... _light stick.”_

Sam looked startled. “A light st–” His brother walked over to the desk and pulled out a sticky note pad. He wrote something on it. “All right. We're gonna get you some help.”

“Look, we could figure this out, okay? Don't go callin' Cas or Mom or anything.”

Sam pulled off the sticky note and walked over to the light stick and stuck the piece of paper to it.

“Fine, but until you get better…” he tapped the note twice.

Dean squinted at it and snapped his fingers.

“Lamp. Right. So close.”

Sam frowned. “Ok, you know what? I’m calling Cas.”

“No. I don’t want to bother him with this shit. He’s still dealing with what’s her face,” Dean said and Sam’s frown deepened. “I can’t have him dropping everything on a dime and rushing down here.”

Sam hit Cas’s name and held up the phone to demonstrate that he was indeed calling Dean’s husband.

“Hey, Cas… No, no, everything’s fine. Well not _fine_ exactly… No, Dean’s not hurt per say, he just, he uh, he forgot his name earlier… No, he’s not drunk. He’s, uh, been forgetting a lot of stuff… Well, he forgot the word for lamp… Yeah, that’s what I thought… Ok… We’ll see you when you get here… Yeah, here he is.” Sam handed the phone to Dean.

“Hey…” Dean groaned.

 _“You’re still in Arkansas, correct?”_ his husband asked, all business.

“Yeah, but Cas-”

_“I’m about ten hours away from your location so I should pull into town around eight this evening. I’d get there sooner but…”_

Dean sighed. There was no talking him out of this. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you when I see you, I guess.”

_“Alright. And, Dean, be careful, okay?”_

“Don’t worry about me, babe, careful’s my middle name,” Dean assured him. His husband sighed audibly. Time to lighten the mood. “Hey, Cas, what’s Beethoven's favorite fruit?”

Cas paused for so long Dean had to make sure they were still connected. _“What?”_ he asked after a beat.

“Ba-na-na-naaa!”

_“I’m hanging up now, Dean.”_

“Wait, babe, don’t go,” Dean said with a chuckle but Cas was already gone.

After putting labels on everything in the room, since Cas was going to be a while, Sam decided to call Rowena as well. It helped that they had a witch on speed dial. In the meantime, Dean raided the mini fridge and found tiny bottles of vodka. _Score!_ They were out of ice so Dean went to get some, of course, you can’t have vodka sodas without ice. On his way back, his key card wouldn’t unlock their room. What was up with that? He kept trying until Sam came up behind him.

“Dude, what are you doing?” his brother asked him.

Dean turned to look at him. Didn’t he tell him when he was on the phone? “Getting ice. What are you doing?”

“That's not our room.”

Dean looked around confused, then shrugged and walked away, carrying the now-full container that said ‘ice bucket’ with him.

“All these dumps look the same,” he grumbled as they walked back to their room. “So this spell, I'm stuck in some sort of ‘Amnesia: The Dark Descent’ crap?”

Sam nodded. “Right. The fix sounds fairly simple. You just find the witch who did it and kill it.”

“Oh, Halle-fuckin'-lujah.”

“I think you got hexed last night,” Sam told him before pausing outside their room. “We need to retrace your steps. All right, think. What's the last thing you remember you did?”

Dean thought about it and the tapped the ice bucket and opened the lid. “Uh… I got some ice.”

He and Sam returned to the douche Barry’s office to retrace his steps. Nothing there triggered his memory so they managed to track down this country bar and grill Dean supposedly went to the night before to get a burger. Dean wasn’t sure it was the right place but thankfully a waitress recognized him as the guy who knocked back four shots of tequila, put some ‘sick jams’ on the juke, and hit the bull. And by bull, she meant Larry, an awesome-ass mechanical bull Dean apparently kicked ass at. She said that he had a little much to drink in celebration after he rode Larry and she was gonna call him a cab but he’d run out on her before she got a chance to. Guess Dean went a little overboard with the tequila.

Sam lied and said that Dean was roofied, and asked if they could check the security cameras. Once they got the footage pulled up, they saw that Dean had retreated to the alley behind the restaurant. He seemed to be talking to some guy.

Dean leaned closer to the screen.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked him.

“I'm trying to read my lips. ‘Now salsa you mittens’.”

Sam laughed. “You can't read lips.”

Dean leaned back. “I can't read lips.”

As they watched, he man in the video used magic to throw Dean back into a pile of trash.

“You see that?” Dean asked, surprised. How the hell did he do that?

“Yeah, of course. I think we got our witch,” Sam said. “You don't remember any of this?”

Sam paused the video to get a better look at the man Dean was following. He apparently remembered seeing the man in a photo in Barry Gilman's office. Dean sure as hell didn’t. They continued watching the video and saw Dean fire a shot at the man.

Dean was surprised. When did he become such a fucking badass!? “And I take a shot. I know how to shoot a gun?”

Sam didn't say anything and instead dragged him to the back of the restaurant. Dean ignored his brother’s concerned looks as they investigated the alley.

“All right, so… you crashed there,” Sam said, pointing at a pile of trash bags near the door. “Uh… you ran that way. Shot… here.” He bent down to pick up a bullet casing. “Yeah. Witch-killing bullet.”

Dean stopped in his tracks. “Wait, wait, wait, wait. There are witches?”

He felt his brother put a hand on his shoulder. “Dean… witches are real. Vampires, werewolves, witches, they're all real. And we kill them.”

Dean took a moment to process the information and then grinned. “Awesome. That's awesome.”

He followed his brother into the woods behind the alley.

“So, witches and vampires and werewolves are real, what else?” he asked, shining a flashlight he was surprised to find in his pocket even though it was still daylight outside.

“Uh, well, everything. But, nothing’s like how it is in the stories. Djinn, sirens… gods.”

“Okay, so wait. So, ignoring the ‘gods’ thing for now. You’re saying djinns don't grant wishes, and sirens _aren't_ all hot chicks?”

“Well, your siren wasn’t but that’s because you’re…” he shrugged, unsure how to continue and Dean wasn’t quite sure what he was getting at. “Anyway, yeah. Sorry to break it to you.”

They wandered through the woods some more looking for clues like they were in fucking Scooby-Doo.

“This is crazy,” Sam said after a while.

“What?”

“Me giving you ‘the talk.’ You know how many times we've had to tell some civilian that monsters are real?”

“Yeah, but monsters _are_ real,” Dean said with a wide grin. “And we're the guys that kill 'em, man. I mean, come on. _Best job ever.”_

“Yeah. If you like greasy diner food, crappy motel rooms, more than one apocalypse,” Sam said as he stomped through the underbrush.

“I don't know. We kinda sound like heroes to me,” Dean told him, and it was true. If his brother was telling the truth then they _were_ heroes. Hands down.

They came upon a tree that had a bloody handprint and a bullet hole in it. Dean is transfixed by the site, touching the hole with a tentative finger. Neat. Suddenly, he remembered something else about their lives Sam somehow forgot to mention. He turned around and smacked his brother on the arm.

 _“And_ my boyfriend's an angel. What?!” he said gleefully.

“Husband,” Sam corrected him and Dean nodded. _Husband,_ of course. They were married. Sam frowned at him for the millionth time that night. “We just gotta get you cured.”

They continued walking until they found a tree with strange markings on it. Holy shit those were weird!

Dean looked closer at them. “Whoa. Okay, now, these? Freaky.”

Sam inspected them. “No, they're just, uh, glyphs. Witches use them in spells, but I've actually never seen anything like this before. Maybe Rowena will recognize 'em.”

“Maybe. Who's Rowena? That's a weird name,” Dean said as he walked away. Maybe there would be some more, uh, gifs or whatever in this direction? Holy shit, was that a corpse?!

“S-S-Sam! Sam!” he shouted, unable to tear his eyes away from the stiff cold body.

Sam walked over. “What?”

Dean pointed at the body. “Is that a dead guy?”

His brother looked down. “Yeah. I think that's our witch.”

“Cool,” Dean said, feeling both scared and excited. An actual fucking dead guy! Like, irl and not in a video game or a movie. It sent chills down his spine.

“No, Dean. Killing the witch was supposed to be the cure. So if he's already dead, they why aren't you… _you.”_

Ok, not cool. The brothers went back to the motel to grab a snack since it was like three in the afternoon and they hadn't had lunch yet. Sam opened his laptop and was cycling through pictures he took from the woods.

“Is that a dead guy?” Dean asked pointing to the screen. “Whoa. Never seen a dead guy before.”

“Uh, yeah, you have. Trust me.” His brother sighed.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Dean headed towards it.

“Hey! No, Dean, wait a second!” Sam shouted as he pulled out a gun.

He was just being paranoid, Dean knew, and he opened the door to reveal a tiny red-headed woman.

“Who are you?” Dean asked.

“Spell's progressed, I see,” she said simply, walking past Dean into the room.

“I wanted intel, Rowena, not a house call,” Sam said, putting the gun away.

The woman, Rowena, started to assess Dean’s condition, checking his body for signs of, well, Dean wasn’t so sure. “Oh, I have a feeling you'll come to thank me,” she said as she performed his checkup.

Wow she was pretty, Dean noticed. He reached out and touched her hair. “Mm, your hair, it's all so bouncy,” he said with a grin.

Rowena laughed and smiled widely at Dean. “Why, thank you!” she said, turning to Sam. “Do we have to fix him?” Sam simply glared at her. “Samuel, those glyphs you found are an archaic form of Celtic. Ogham Chraobh. The Druids used it in their rituals, calling it the ‘Language of the Trees.’”

“Wait, wait. Now the trees are talkin'? Is Treebeard's real too?”

Both Sam and Rowena look up at Dean. “Uh, Dean, do you remember HBO?” No, that doesn’t ring any bells. “Cinemax?”

Yep! That one! “Skinemax.”

Sam gave his brother two thumbs up and sat him down on one of the beds. “We're gonna sit you down right here. And…” He grabbed the TV remote and flipped the television on. Scooby-Doo came on the screen. Oh, Dean liked Scooby. His life was a bit like Scooby-Doo, wasn’t it? “Perfect. Stay there,” his brother said to him, but Dean wasn’t quite sure he heard. He was laughing too hard at something Shaggy said. Oh, that Shaggy was a nut, wasn’t he? And a stoner, probably. That’s why he always had the munchies, _man._ And Daphne was hot, but so was Fred. He kinda dressed nice too, didn’t he? Maybe he swung both ways? Dean could only hope. And even Velma was kinda cute in a nerdy way. Didn’t her and Shaggy get together in the new Scooby-Doo? Whatever, Dean shipped it either way. Velggy? Was that a good ship name?

Dean’s thoughts were interrupted by Sam snapping his fingers in front of his face. “Hey, Dean, mind if we go talk privately for a second?” he asked and dragged Dean to the bathroom, shutting the door behind them.

Dean sat on the closed toilet and Sam on the edge of the tub, their knees almost touching. There wasn’t really enough room in the bathroom for two grown men, but it was the only place that offered any sort of privacy. Obviously, Sam didn’t want Rowena overhearing.

“So, uh, Dean,” Sam started and then paused, unsure how to continue. “Me and Rowena, the witch, were talking and-”

“Wait, she’s a witch?”

“Uh yeah, yeah she is… So anyway, we were discussing your condition and I, uh, I have some bad news,” Sam admitted.

“Well, out with it, Sammy!” Dean said when he didn’t continue. “I’m a big boy. I can handle it.”

“Dean…” his brother said, putting his hand on his shoulder. “If we can’t find a cure, and quickly, you’re going to die.”

“...What?”

Sam sighed, removing his hand. “Rowena said that you’ll eventually forget _everything_. How to eat, how to breathe…”

“So after everything... that's it. This is what nails me,” Dean said, surprisingly calm for someone who just found out they were going to die.

“No. No, Dean…” Sam took a deep breath. “It's not gonna happen, alright?”

“Well, today you basically had to tell me my whole life story. And I gotta be honest, man, I... I can feel it, slipping out of my head. I mean ganking monsters is one thing. But this…” Dean covered his face with his hand. He didn’t want it to end like this.

“We'll figure it out. All right?” his brother assured him. “We will.”

“Okay,” Dean said. He felt like crying. “You mind giving me a few minutes to call Cas?”

“Of course,” Sam nodded, handing him his phone and leaving the room, shutting the door behind him.

Dean hit Cas’s name on Sam’s phone and put it to his ear, listening to the dial-tone. With every second, he felt less and less himself. Before he completely forgot the man he loved, he needed to hear his voice one last time.

At long last, Cas picked up the phone.

_“Sam? Is everything ok?”_

“Nah, babe, it’s me,” Dean said, moving so he could pace around the room. He felt better if he was moving.

_“Dean! Are you alright?”_

“No,” Dean admitted, a tear slipping down his cheek. He quickly scrubbed it away. “Baby, I’m not.”

_“What’s wrong? Dean, please talk to me.”_

“I… I’m losing myself, man. I-I just wanted to hear your voice before… before…” Dean choked back a sob.

Cas was quiet for a second. Dean heard him breathing into the phone. _“Before you can’t remember who I am.”_

More tears fell. Dean realized it wasn’t a question. Cas had accepted that it might be his fate. But he didn’t know that wasn’t the worst of it. It wasn’t going to be some Fifty First Dates ending.

“No, before I die.”

_“Dean, you’re not going to die. At worst-”_

“You’re not hearing me! I’m going to die. I’m going to forget how to swollow and how to take a shit and eventually how to breathe and my heart will forget how to pump blood and I’m going to die!” Dean said, leaning on the sink for support.

_“You’re not going to die. There has to be some way…”_

“And if there isn't’?”

 _“That’s not an option,”_ his husband said. _“Look, I’m only a couple of hours away from your motel. When I get there, we’ll figure something out, okay?”_

Dean didn’t want his last memory of his husband to be this argument. He nodded even though Cas couldn’t see him. “Okay… I love you.”

_“I love you too, Dean. Please, stay safe.”_

“I will,” he assured him before hanging up.

He stared at his face in the mirror, studying the details of a man he barely recognized. His spiked light-brown-almost-blonde hair; his green eyes with the slight crinkles of a man nearing his forties; his full - but chapped at the moment - lips.

He turned on the sink, letting it run cold before splashing some water on his face.

“Ok,” he said, looking back into the eyes of his reflection. “My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. Uh, Mary Winchester is my mom. And Cast-” he paused, unable to remember his full name. “Cas is my…” What was he? His boyfriend? His fiancé? His husband? Oh god, why couldn’t he remember? “Cas is my… I’m in love with Cas.” That much he knew for certain. He took another deep breath and started over. “My name is Dean Wi-Winchester. My name… My name is...” What was his name?! He remembered it just a second ago! He looked down at the sink and tears fell, joining the water drops already there. “My… my… I don’t know,” he cried, and more tears slipped down his nose, plopping into the porcelain bowl of the sink. He didn’t know…

After collecting himself, he walked back into the main room, and handed his phone off to his brother who left promptly, spouting some nonsense about going after withes or some shit. As soon as he left, he noticed the woman, Rowena, was bent over a bunch of shit on the table. It appeared to be several bowls and some herbs and shit. He looked down and noticed she’d drawn something in white paint on the floor, some sort of symbol.

He poked at some sort of rock thing and Rowena slapped his hand away.

“Stop touching everything,” she scolded and he grunted out an apology, but couldn't seem to stop fidgeting. He spun around in a circle and grabbed at a small bottle full of yellow stuff and she quickly snached it back. She pulled a voodoo doll from her bag and handed it to him. “Here, play with this and I’ll tell you a story.” Dean took the pugly thing and a pin cushion from her and began poking at it's cute little felt heart and button eyes while she continued. “Once, a beautiful witch was, again, run out of her homeland by those pompous, self-righteous, murderous hooligans. You know them as the British Men of Letters. She sought refuge with a family of witches. All she wanted was a roof over her head and a safe place to hone her magic. Yet they threw her out like… like she was common trash. Said she wasn't up to snuff."

Dean turned away from the doll to look up at the woman. “Oh, these witches sound like dicks. I think you got plenty of snuff.”

The woman giggled. “You can really remember nothing, can you? What a gift not to recall the things you've done.”

Dean frowned at her. “What have I done?”

She stopped mixing the weird things into the bowl and looked at him. “Oh, you're a killer, Dean Winchester.”

No, that wasn’t right. “Wait, I... I kill people?” Dean asked.

“Scores,” the woman admitted. “But... though you may be a stubborn pain in the arse with the manners of a Neanderthal and the dining habits of a toddler, everything you've done, you've done... for the greater good.”

The greater good? Even Batman didn’t _kill_ people. “Oh, and that's supposed to make it okay?”

The woman scoffed, walking over to lean against the table next to him. “I wouldn't know. You help those other than yourself. But me, I've done horrible things, and I told myself it was fine. It was the price of power. And power's what matters, right? Then I met God and his sister-” she explained and Dean shot her a confused look. She met _who?_ “-the two most powerful beings in the universe, wasting it on squabbling with each other. I thought, if-if they can't be happy, or at least satisfied, how can there be any hope for me?”

Dean was dumbfounded. “Why are you telling me this?” he asked her.

The woman smiled at him. “Because I know you won't remember,” she said and gave him a small tap on the nose.

* * *

Dean woke up in the passenger seat of somebody’s car, a phone next to him buzzing. He picked it up.

“Hello?” he asked groggily.

 _“Dean?”_ a deep voice said. _“ I was told to call this number in case I couldn’t get ahold of Sam.”_

“What? Who is this?” he asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

_“That’s not important right now. You weren’t at the motel and the Impala was gone so I can only guess that Rowena and you went after the witches and that she left you with her phone in case of an emergency.”_

“Wait, who?”

 _“That’s it! I’ve got your location. Stay there. I’m on my way,”_ the man said, hanging up.

Ok, well that was weird. That guy sounded like he gargled gravel and shards of glass. But it was also kinda… hot? Whatever. Dean noticed a sign taped to the windshield in swirly handwriting. He grabbed it. “‘Your brother's been kidnapped by a witch’,” he read out loud. Ok, so maybe the guy on the phone was telling the truth. “‘I found your stupid car and left you here.’ ...Stupid?”

This car wasn’t stupid, it was fucking sweet if the leather upholstery was any indication. He turned to leave and found another sign on the door telling him to stay. It was in the same handwriting that called the car stupid, so he decided to ignore that person’s advice and got out anyway. He opened the trunk and saw a shit ton of badass weapons and stuff. Oh my god, was that a rocket launcher? Too bad the words ‘no’ were written on it. The handwriting was different from the other notes so he assumed somebody else didn't want him using it. He probably should take their advice, so long as they didn’t call this car stupid. Underneath the note was another Post-it labeled ‘witch killing bullets.’ That’s why he was here, wasn't it? To kill witches? He picked up the rounds and began loading them into the revolver.

Just then, another car pulled up beside the black one, this one was an old green truck. A scruffy man in a tan trench coat got out and approached him. He was kinda hot, if Dean was being honest. He looked about his age and had dark windswept hair, a strong stubbled jaw with a small cleft, full pink lips, and the bluest eyes he’d ever seen. Ok, scratch that, he was _really_ fucking hot.

“Dean!” said the same gravelly voice from the phone. “What do you think you’re doing? You need to stay in the car.”

“Like hell,” Dean said, cocking the gun. “Apparently my brother’s been kidnapped by witches, of all things, and I’m going after him because I’m some Big Damn Hero.”

The man shook his head. “So you remember Firefly but not me?” he asked. He had a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth, and Dean assumed he wasn’t angry.

Dean shrugged. “Look, I’m going after my brother whether you like it or not,” he said and began walking towards what he hopped was the witches’ house or whatever.

“Well, I’m coming with you,” the man said and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. Even though he wasn’t sure who he was, he was pretty certain he knew him. Besides, he could use the help.

As they made their way through the woods, Dean couldn’t help but sate his curiosity. “So, we know each other?” he asked and the man huffed a small laugh.

“Oh, we know each other _very_ well.”

Dean nodded, unsure what was so funny, but smiled a little nonetheless. He enjoyed the sound of the man’s laugher for some reason and wanted to hear it again. “So… maybe when all this is over do you want to grab a drink?” he asked because, hey, it couldn’t hurt to ask and the guy was _very_ fucking attractive.

The man stopped and looked at him with an amused smile on his face. “Are you asking me on a date, Dean?”

“Yeah, why not?” he shrugged casually, trying to hide his blush. “I mean… You _are_ really cute, you know.”

“Huh,” was all the man said before continuing down his path.

Dean followed after him. “What? You are! I mean, you’ve _seen_ yourself, right? You even make that dumb coat look hot.”

“I happen to like this coat,” the man said, sounding slightly offended. “I preferred my original trench, of course, but there’s a reason I went out and purchased this one after my grace - well, another angel’s grace - was restored.”

What the fuck was he on about? “Huh?”

The man smiled again but didn’t say anything until they reached a large house in the middle of a clearing with a dirt road leading up to it.

“Damn,” the man cursed. “It’s warded. You’ll have to go in there alone, Dean. Can you do that?”

“Wait, what? You’re not coming with?”

The man shook his head and frowned. “No, I’m sorry. And I don’t really have time to explain right now, but your brother needs you,” he said before placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “You can do this. I believe in you.”

And that’s how Dean found himself in the house, pointing the gun between a tall guy with long hair and a man with glasses.

“No no no!” the hippie guy said. He pointed at himself, “Brother.” He pointed at the other man, “Witch.”

Well Dean didn’t have to be told twice. He shot that creepy-ass mother fucker in the heart on instinct. Thank god for muscle memory.

Thanks to her witchy magic, Rowena was able to perform a counter-curse and Dean’s memories surged back to his brain in a flash of purple light. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t mess with his brother for a second, pretending to not remember who he was before bursting out laughing. Oh my god, the look on his face was priceless!

Fortunately/unfortunately, Dean didn’t remember a thing from the last twelve hours. Cas assured him, he’d fill him in as soon as they were alone. Shit, did he say something bad? He couldn’t be held accountable for what his Jason Bourne self said, could he? Sam offered to drive Cas’s truck back to the bunker so he and his husband could ‘catch up.’ He must’ve known Dean had done something stupid. Oh, he was _so_ gonna get it, Dean just knew.

They had barely pulled out of Eureka Springs when Cas cleared his throat. They had seven and a half hours to get back to the bunker and Dean knew it was probably best to get this out of the way.

“Yes?” he asked his husband, not taking his eyes off the road.

“You really remember nothing? Not even the very end?” Cas asked.

“Nope. Not a thing,” Dean admitted. “Why?”

“Well, you didn’t know who I was,” the angel said and Dean braced himself for some sort of undeserved lecture. “And yet, you hit on me.”

“I what?”

“Part of me thinks I should be angry. I mean, after all, you did hit on a man you thought you just met and you somehow failed to notice we were both wearing wedding rings,” Cas said, although his smile gave him away. “But, frankly, I’m kind of flattered. I didn’t realize you found me that attractive.”

“What? Of course I do, Cas! You’re fucking hot as shit!”

His husband laughed lightly. “You know, I used to believe you just said things like that because you were 'in the moment' or because you thought you had to.”

“No, Cas, I say things like that because they’re true, alright?” Dean said, grabbing his hand with one of his and squeezing it tightly. “Don’t, not even for a second, think you’re anything less than amazing, alright? I mean it.”

Cas smiled and squeezed back. “I believe you,” he said before kissing the back of his hand.

Dean couldn’t wait to get back home and show him just how beautiful he truly was.

End of chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how I'll say that certain chapters are harder to write than others? Well this was probably the easiest chapter I've ever written. Every time I've watched this episode, I've imagined how I'm going to write it. I'm am SO happy I was finally able to put it all together for you guys! Hope you liked it :)
> 
> PS: I'm a little nervous about how I'm gonna format the next chapter seeing as it's not a usual episode. Hopefully whatever I decide works.


	42. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting schedule? What posting schedule? I know I attempted one but that ain't gonna happen. I don't want to rush and I want to do my story justice so I will be taking my time and things will continue to come out on a semi-regular weekly basis (every seven to ten days). So, that being said, this will not be finished by the time the season premiers. Once the new season starts, how canon this is towards the end will remain to be seen. I may continue to add destiel to each episode, as I've been doing OR I might decide to go completely off-canon and write my own season 13. We will see. It all depends on how I feel about the premiere.

**Chapter 42**

“Huh, would you look at that,” Sam said from his laptop one July afternoon.

“What?” Dean asked, he was leaned against Cas on a comfy loveseat they put in the library for cozy reading, thanks to Charlie’s love for late night novels. Olive was curled up in his lap and quite frankly he didn’t want to move.

“You’d know if you had a Facebook,” Sam teased.

“Well, I don’t,” Dean said, lazily petting his cat while Cas carded his fingers through his hair.

“Jody and Donna are engaged.”

“Well, that was fast,” Dean observed.

Sam laughed. “Well, not everyone can stand to move a slow as the two of you did.”

“Ok, first of all,” Dean scoffed, holding up a finger as if he were making a very important point. “Shut up.”

“Whatever… Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

* * *

It was early July and he, Cas, Sam, Mary, and a hunter named Wally were sitting at a table in Raul’s Diner when waitress, Mandy-short-for-Amanda, started hitting on Cas. It was only five twenty but Dean was hangy and not really in the mood for some strange woman to be calling his husband ‘handsome.’

“Oh, dude, she is into you!” said Wally, obviously unaware Cas was already taken.

“Uh-” Dean started but Wally continued on excitedly.

“So, man, here’s the thing you need to know about waitresses, okay? They get hit on all day long, so you gotta bring your A game. But, upside? They always smell like food,” the other hunter leaned back, his eyebrows raised.

Sam, who looked like he was about to jump in at Dean’s defense, suddenly abandoned whatever he was going to say in favor of, “Is that really an upside? They smell like food? Why would you want them to smell like food?”

“Enough!” Dean said, a little more forcefully than he meant. “Look, Wally, Cas is already taken, ok? So drop it.”

“Angel or human?” Wally asked, suddenly curious.

“Um, human…?” Cas answered, his eyes squinted in confusion.

“Nice! That’s so hot! Dude, what’s the little lady’s name?”

Well that was heteronormative as fuck. “Dean Winchester,” Dean answered and Wally shot him a confused look before his eyes suddenly widened with understanding.

“Oh, shit, dude! I am so fucking sorry-” Wally started but was cut off by Mary clearing her throat.

“Hey! Shut up,” she told him before turning to the rest of them.

Mary was going over the case, something involving a demon who liked to night fish, when their waitress came back. As she was setting down their plates, Cas leaned over and smelt her! Presumably to find out if she really did smell like food. Dean shot him a dirty look and mouthed “What the fuck?” Cas simply shrugged, looking a little sheepish. Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. Sometimes, being in love with an angel wasn’t nearly as amazing as every love song ever seemed to think.

When Mandy came back with their checks, she leaned in to whisper near Cas’s ear, loud enough that the entire table could hear her, “My shift ends at eight but I get off whenever I can.”

“Zing!” Wally said with a laugh. “Right in front of all of us too.”

“Okay,” Dean said, snatching his check out of her hands. “My husband is as shy as he is devastatingly handsome, and is far too polite to tell you to back the fuck off, but-”

“Oh my god, he’s your husband?” she asked, putting a hand over her heart, her eyes an apology. “I had no idea! I’m so so sorry… God, this is embarrassing. I noticed the ring but-”

“But you didn’t care?”

“Look, _she_ doesn’t have a ring so I assumed his wife wasn’t here,” she said, gesturing to Mary. “I thought-”

“Well you thought wrong. On all accounts,” Dean snapped.

She sighed. “Look, if I give you a free slice of pie, can we forget this thing ever happened? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I really need the tips, and flirting helps…”

Well, maybe he could forgive and forget for pie. Afterall, she _was_ paid mostly on tips and if flirting gave her a larger tip it only made sense to use her womanly ways to her advantage. That is, if she wasn’t planning on doing anything _more_ than flirting. Dean wasn’t a fan of homewreckers. He didn't abide cheaters, not even when he was single.

* * *

It was after nine in the evening and everything that could have gone wrong inevitably did. Not only was Wally dead, but the demon also managed to stab Cas with some anti-angel spear. It didn’t look good.

Cas lifted his shirt to reveal the damage. His skin near the stab wound was covered in dark veins and cracks. Dean quickly smoothed his, now bloody, dress shirt back over his stomach, concealing the wounds. He stroked his hair. “You know what? I’ve had worse,” he told his husband in a failed attempt at humor.

“Oh, yeah? When?” Cas grunted. “Dean, something’s wrong. I... I can’t heal myself. I think the... I think the demon’s spear was poisoned. I-I think I’m dying.”

Dean pushed aside his fear. He had to be strong for Cas. “No. No, you just need some time, okay?” he insisted. “You’ll heal up the old fashioned way.”

Just as he called Sam and his mother over, the last person in the world he expected to show up appeared. Crowley, of all people, warning them that they were all going to die and that the demon they were after was Ramiel, Prince of Hell, one the demons created by Lucifer to lead the armies of Hell in the battle against Heaven. And, to make matters worse, Cas wasn’t just stabbed with any old spear, he was stabbed with the Lance of Michael. Turns out Dean was right about it having anti-angel poison. It was specifically made to kill Lucifer, designed to give angels a slow agonizing death. But not so slow that they had time to find a cure. And, of course, Crowley disappeared on them before he could be of any real help. _Fucking great._

Cas grunted in pain once again, and Dean came to his side.

“Baby, how bad is it?” he asked, scared to know the answer.

His husband loosened his tie to reveal that the damage had traveled up towards his chest.

“Crowley’s right, I’m running out of time. You should go. Get out of here while you still can,” he grunted.

Dean kneeled down, clutching his arm. “Cas, babe, come on…”

“No, you listen to me. Knowing you, being with you, it’s been the best part of my life,” he said, barely a whisper. “Being yours, everything we’ve shared… I wouldn’t give it up for anything. You and your family… You became my family when my own rejected me. I know I’ve said it a thousand times but I love you... I love all of you. Just please... please, don’t make my last moments be spent watching you die. Just run. Save yourselves. And I will hold Ramiel off as long as I can.”

Dean kissed his forehead. “Cas…”

“Dean, you need to keep fighting.”

“Cas, we are fighting. We’re fighting for you,” Dean assured him, cupping his cheek so he was forced to look at him. “If you think I’m just gonna tuck tail and run… Abandon the best thing I’ve ever had, you clearly don’t know me very well.”

“And besides, you’re family,” Sam said from behind him. “And we don’t leave family behind.”

“Ohana,” Dean said with a small smirk.

* * *

They hit Ramiel with everything they had. Dean got knocked to the side but Sam and Mary finished him off, killing him with the Lance. For demons, it was an instant death. But, then, Cas screamed out in pain. The damage had traveled up his face by this point, and by the time Dean rushed to his side, he began choking on black goo-like bile.

_No. No no no no no. Dean couldn't lose him. Not like this. Not ever._

Before they could figure out what to do, Crowley snapped the Lance in half, breaking the spell. “The magic’s in the craftsmanship,” was the only explanation he gave. “You’re welcome.” And, in typical Crowley fashion, he disappeared.

Dean grabbed Cas by the hand and helped his now-cured husband to his feet, pulling him into a tight hug. “I swear if you ever pull that stunt on me again I will find you in whatever afterlife angels go to and rescue you myself. You ain’t getting out of this marriage that easily,” he whispered against his ear.

“I’ll try not to,” Cas promised, returning the hug.

* * *

 The second they were alone, Dean tackled Cas into the tightest hug possible. With everyone else, including Charlie and Olive, fretting over Cas, Dean hadn't had a chance to show him just how relieved he was that he was ok.

He didn't realize he was crying until Cas tilted his head back, wiping a tear from his face. "Dean, I'm alright," he assured him.

Dean swallowed. "For now..."

Cas cupped his cheek and kissed him tenderly. "Every day we live we risk losing those we love. That's part of being alive. I've learned, it helps us love all the harder."

"Cas... I... I just keep thinking about those cosmic consequences and what it could mean... I can't help but have this horrible feeling I'm gonna lose you. And soon," Dean admitted.

His angel pulled him in closer. That night, they made slow passionate love, Dean never wanting to let go of the man he almost lost. As he lay in bed that night, he couldn't help but imagine a flash of light and an imprint of wings scorched into the ground.

End of chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit shorter, and for that I apologize. I really wanted to include some foreshadowing so... Yeah. We're getting close to the end here, guys! In the meantime, please read Find My Bluebird. I promise you won't be disappointed!


	43. Heaven and Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas won't answer his phone and Dean is pissed. Also, Samleen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mild ableism.
> 
> This is my first Cas-free chapter in a long while. For plot reasons. Things will pick up again next chaper. For now, there is a need for a summary of events that will take us from point A to point B. And Samleen happens. Hope the perspective change isn't too much of a turn off.

**Chapter 43**

**Dean:**

So now they were working with the British Men of Letters. Officially unofficially. Compared to the rest of them Mick wasn’t that bad of a guy. Ketch gave him the jeebs though. The guy was just skeevy.

July passed in a flash of lazy mornings and summer nights that would put John Travolta to shame. Eileen stayed over every weekend, she even had a drawer in Sam’s dresser and a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Dean was happy for them. Things were getting pretty official. Maybe Sam would finally grow some balls and ask her to move in. Charlie being Charlie joined a LARP group and was out just about every weekend, sleeping over at some hot mage’s house when she could find action. Claire and Alex even visited for a couple of days now that Alex was off for Summer break. Everything was perfect, although, Mom was still in and out. She was never very specific about where she was going, but Dean knew it had something to do with their new frenemies.

August 3rd was Olive’s estimated birthday. The tiny kitten was two years old now, and still super tiny for a full grown cat. At least her temperament had calmed down a little. She no longer buzzed around the bunker at three in the morning for no apparent reason. Well, most nights. Dean loved her though and wouldn't change her for the world, hyperactivity included.

After that, Cas had to leave to investigate some angel killings in Idaho and look into a lead on Kelly Klein. Dean didn’t want him to go but he knew his husband had to. Frankly, he couldn’t wait for this whole nephilim thing to be over. While Cas was away, Dean, Sam, and Charlie went on a mini-marathon of cases. It was exhausting but at least Dean got to use his dad’s old barbed wire bat. Lucille, he thought he named her. John Winchester had been known to bash a few skulls in with that thing.

Sam’s smartphone dinged, letting him know about an algorithm or something that tracked down monsters. Computers man. Monsters. Porn. There wasn’t anything phones couldn’t do now-a-days. The good thing about not having Cas with him was that Dean was under no obligation to shower if he didn't want to. He could focus on more important things, like basing in monster skulls. But, Sam insisted, citing that Dean hasn’t changed underwear in four days straight. What? Doesn’t count if you flip ‘em inside out.

* * *

Their next case dealt with Hell hounds, so who better to call than the King of Hell? After they’d gotten that all taken care of, and Dean thanked Crowley for saving Cas the last time they saw him, Dean received a call from the very angel himself saying that Kelly was with some Prince of Hell named Dagon. Oh, and Sam finally admitted he didn’t actually have a computer program feeding him cases. He was getting all the info from Mick. Dean didn’t like it, but Sam trusted him so he gave the guy a chance. The whole thing made Dean's head hurt. Maybe he shouldn't have taken on so much so quickly, but the end of the world didn't wait for him to be well-rested.

A week later they found themselves in Claire’s neck of the woods, helping her out with a werewolf case her fiancée didn't know about. Cas still wasn’t back so Dean took it upon himself to give her the fatherly ‘don’t lie to your future wife’ speech.

“Does Alex know you’re here?” Dean asked her over his Road Kill steak at Texas Roadhouse. It was not in fact actual roadkill but instead a ten ounce steak smothered with sautéed onions, mushrooms, and cheese. Mick, who had insisted on accompanying them on the case had already retreated to his hotel room to write some report. It was just Claire, Dean, Sam, and Charlie.

“Uh… No. No she doesn’t,” she said, dipping her chicken critters into some ranch. “She’s interning at some hospital across the country for a couple of weeks and I didn’t want her to worry about me.”

Charlie stopped digging into her portobello mushroom chicken. “Oh, Claire. Don’t lie to your hot nurse girlfriend,” she sighed.

“Fiancée. And she’s not a nurse yet,” Claire corrected. “Besides, I’m not  _ lying _ . I’m just not telling her the whole truth.”

Sam let his fork droop over his grilled chicken salad. “Claire, that’s, well, kinda the same as lying.”

“Believe me, relationships have no room for that kind of shit,” Dean said before pinching off a bit of the Cactus Bloom they were all sharing. The flakey deep fried onion melted like butter on his tongue. “Honesty is the key to a healthy marriage.” Hell, he and Cas had no secrets. Not anymore.

Claire sighed. “I know. I just didn’t want her to worry, you know? She’s so busy.”

“She worries anyway. You know that, right?” Sam said to her. “That’s part of dating a hunter. You always worry about them. But, and I’m sure Dean would agree, I’d much rather Eileen tell me when she’s on a case, you know?”

“Yeah,” Dean concurred. “I sleep better at night knowing what he’s up to. I’d rather be with him, but I guess that’s part of being married to an angel… Point is, she’d rather know than not.”

“Fine, I guess you have a point,” Claire admitted. “I’ll call her before bed. Let her know.”

* * *

Unfortunately, the next day, Claire got bit. It was bad and she turned. It was probably the scariest moment of Dean’s life, watching his almost- no,  _ daughter _ , watching his daughter go through the change. Honestly, he couldn’t stay in the same room as Mick administered the cure. He went out to the parking lot to call Cas, but he must’ve been busy because he didn’t pick up. That’s fine. It’s not like their daughter was dying or anything. Thank all the powers that be that the cure actually worked. Dean couldn’t lose her. She meant too much to him, to Cas. If only the angel would answer his fucking phone.

By the third week of August, Mick was waiting in the library demanding information on the nephilim. So they told him about POTUS and his baby momma drama.

“I'm sorry. You... you had her? And you let her live?” Mick asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Look, it's not Kelly's fault, okay?” Dean insisted. “She didn't know Lucifer was her boyfriend.”

Mick chuckled. “Oh, sure, yeah. It could happen to anyone,” he said, eying Dean closely. “I mean, it happened to you, didn’t it?”

Dean's lungs went cold. He took a deep breath. “How’d you…?”

Mick rolled his eyes. “Don’t think we didn’t know you entered an unholy union with a non-human creature, Dean. We aren’t stupid. We’ve known this whole time.”

Dean cursed under his breath, “Damn… I thought we were flying under the radar this whole time…”

“Was that a pun?” Mick asked, crossing his arms. Well, now that he knew they knew at least they wouldn't actively have to hide it anymore. If only the angel would come home.

* * *

They spent the night drinking and swapping stories. He was actually starting to like this Mick guy. Maybe he drank too much because it’d been a couple of weeks since Cas had been home, but he would never admit that was the reason he kept putting away shots. Sam kept giving him a knowing look though, as if he knew Dean was silently suffering. Well, fuck him. At least  _ his  _ girlfriend answered the phone -or Skype or whatever- when he called.

Dean quickly excused himself to try Cas again.

_ “This is my voicemail. Make your voice a mail.” _

“Come on, Cas! I’ve called you like three times today, man. Just… I just want to know you’re ok, you know? I can’t shake this feeling that something horrible happened and well… Just call me back…” Dean said to the recording. At the last minute he added, “I love you,” before hanging up the phone in frustration. He still couldn’t bring himself to end a call without saying it.

While he was in the shower later that morning, Mick left to go do secret Men of Letters stuff and Eileen came over for her now routine weekend with Sam. Dean wasn’t at all jealous of how cute they were being, clinking their beers together and shit. Lovesick idiots.

* * *

**Sam:**

He and Eileen pulled up to the junkyard they were supposed to meet Mick at. Sam put the Neon in park and turned to his girlfriend.

He spoke so she could read his lips, sighing when he could, "So... I gotta warn you, these guys are kinda-"

"Mega assholes?"

Sam smirked. "Yeah. That pretty much sums it up."

"Don't worry about me, Sam. I'm a big girl," Eileen told him, getting out of the car.

After making a quick phonecall to Kelly, posing as her doctor's office, a tan sedan showed up and Mick and another man got out. Introductions were made and Sam shook the blonde Man of Letter's hand.

"I'm Sam. This is Eileen Leahy," he told the newcomer.

"Ah, the banshee girl," the man said and Eileen looked surprised. "We have a file. From what Mick tells me, neither of you have any formal training. Fascinating. I was top of my class at Kendricks-"

"No one cares," Eileen cut him off and Sam couldn't help but smile. God, he loved her.

Mick handed over the Colt and they got ready to face down a Prince of Hell. Things would be easier if his brother in law decided to show up, but if Dean couldn't get ahold of Cas... Sam didn't want to think about what might have happened to the angel.

While they waited for Dean to fetch Kelly, Sam and Eileen sat in his car and chatted. As he watched her excitedly sign about her recent cases, Sam couldn't help but notice how lovely she was. He hadn't opened his heart up to a girl since Amelia. He'd been in love with the hunter for a while, even going so far as to hint as his feelings during his brother's wedding. But, he still hasn't said the actual words to her. Even after all these years, past loves still stung. The 'normal' life he couldn't have had with Amelia. The life that was taken from him with Jess. But, Eileen was capable, and badass, and everything he'd ever wanted but never thought he could have. Maybe his brother had the right idea. Maybe a life for hunters only worked out with other hunters.

Sam wasn't even sure what she was talking about, he'd been lost in his own thoughts for a couple of minutes and couldn't keep up with her rapid signing. But, the way the light from the streetlamps played off her hair and made her eyes shine bright, he was never more sure of anything in his entire life.

"God, I love you," he said, cutting off her story.

Eileen's shocked eyes drifted up towards his. For a moment, he was worried he'd made the wrong move but her mouth was tugged into a flirty smile. "I thought you'd never get around to saying it," she admitted.

Sam smiled back. "You could've said it first you know."

"I've never been in love before," she admitted. "I didn't know how."

Sam's smile faltered. "You're amazing, you know that, right? How is it that you've never-"

"Sam..." Eileen cut him off, her eyes sad. "Most guys... They wouldn't _want_ to be with a girl like me..."

"That's bullshit," Sam told her, grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it. He smiled as her cheeks turned pink. "You are amazing and beautiful and perfect and so fucking badass. I'd be a fool not to fall in love with a girl like you."

She smirked. "Well, I _am_ pretty badass," she said before kissing him sweetly. "I love you too, Sam."

* * *

When Degon finally showed up, Eileen took a shot at her with the Colt. The demon, however, phased away at the last second and the bullet hit and killed the blonde Man of Letters, Renny. 

Eileen lowered her weapon. Her eyes shiny. "I didn't... I didn't mean to. I was shooting at the demon. I'm-"

Sam quickly grabbed her by the arm, pulling her to look at him. "No, no, wait up," he told her and she met his eyes. He cupped her face sweetly. "It was an accident. It's all right."

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Mick pull out his weapon and approach them.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," Dean said, stepping between them. "What are you doing?"

"She killed a Man of Letters," Mick explained, raising his weapon. "S-she has to die."

Sam put up his hands, blocking Eileen with his body. "It was an accident!"

Mick trained his weapon on them. "It doesn't matter! The Code."

"No, hey, screw the Code," Dean said, taking a step closer to Mick.

The Brit shook his head. "Don't make this harder than it already is."

"Mick, you don't have to do this," Dean said, raising his own weapon. Sam grabbed Eileen by the arm, pinning her close to his side. Why did the universe hate him so much that he couldn't keep the people he loved safe? All he could do was hope and pray that Mick would back down.

Mick cocked his weapon. "Yes, I do!" he exclaimed.

Eileen was in tears. "Please. Don't," she begged.

MIck closed his eyes and Sam took the opportunity to let go of Eileen and take a step closer. "Mick, Mick, listen to me. Mick, look, I-I know you guys h-have this Men of Letters Code you blindly answer to, but... look, you don't have to do that, Mick. You're better than that. You only have to answer to yourself. You only have to do what you know is right. You only have to answer to your own code," he said, praying to every deity he could think of that his words would be enough.

Thankfully, Mick let them leave.

Back at the bunker, he asked Eileen to stay with him. Permanently. There was no way he was letting her go back out into the world on her own with that kind of target painted on her back. She said yes but Eileen wasn't ok. She was pretty shaken up after what happened, but Sam knew that this was something he could help her through. Maybe, two broken people could be whole, together. Maybe Eileen was the missing piece to his puzzle. God, he hopped so.

End of chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully that wasn't too suckish. Straight ships aren't everyone's cup of tea, I know. Just, shit needed to progress for the next two chapters to make sense plot-wise. So yeah... Two more chapters in season 12 you guys! Then we can move on to season 13! Shit is about to hit the fan once again.


	44. The Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Future, except different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written AFTER S13 premiered. Sorry for not updating in almost a month. This season has WRECKED me but in like the best way possible. It's like Dabb is writing the best fic ever.
> 
> Anyway... um, yeah, so I don't think if Cas and Dean were married there would have been as much lying going on as there was in the show. I fixed it, but still needed events to reach the same destination, meaning the lakehouse and the rift. I have Big Plans.

**Chapter 44 - The Future**

After facing down a goat god (don’t ask) it had still been a couple of weeks since Dean had heard from Cas. In fact, it was mid September by the time Cas stepped foot in the bunker.

Sam and Charlie were beautiful minding in the library when the bunker door rattled open. Eileen was still asleep, so there was only one other person it could be. Sure enough, Cas appeared over the railing at the top of the stairs.

“Cas…” Sam breathed, obviously relieved. Dean would be too, if he wasn’t so angry.

“Hello,” Cas said, making eye contact with Dean. His face a silent question.

When Dean didn’t say anything, Sam spoke, “Hey. You're all right. Um, where have you been?”

Dean crossed his arms, “Let me rephrase that for Sam. Where the  _ hell  _ have you been? And why have you been ignoring my calls?”

Cas descended the stairs, his face sheepish. “Where I was, the reception was, uh, poor.”

Dean couldn’t believe his ears. “No bars? No bars. That's his excuse. Wow,” he said with just a touch of dramatics.

Cas looked down for a second, clearly upset by Dean’s accusatory tone. “I was in Heaven,” he explained, and Dean felt his jaw clench. The thought of his husband crawling back to those douches was just… wow. “I was working with the angels. When I saw Dagon had captured Kelly, I-I thought they could help.”

Dean bit the inside of his cheek, he tried to keep his voice calm, he really did, but when he opened it what came out was a harsh snarl. “And you didn’t think in all that time I’d have wanted to know where you were?!”

“I-”

“I called you, every day! Hell, I prayed to you, Cas. I was so fucking worried that you’d gotten hurt, or…” he couldn't bring himself to say it.

“I know, Dean I-”

“You know what? Maybe our vows don’t mean the same thing to you as they do me, what with you being a ‘wavelength’ and all. Maybe this is just a fling for you-”

“Dean, I promise you that isn’t the case,” Cas said, the hurt on his face evident. “To me, you are the most important thing in all of creation. I would never-”

“Oh yeah? Well you’ve got a funny way of showing it,” Dean said pushing past him to retreat to his room. “Welcome home,” he muttered without so much as a backwards glance.

He plopped down at his desk and put his head in his hands, determined not to cry. A few minutes later, he heard a knock at the door. Which was ludicrous considering it was _his_ room too. He didn’t have to knock for chrissakes! Thankfully, though, Dean'd calmed down enough to have an adult conversation with the angel he dedicated his life to. He still loved Cas deeply, despite all the fighting. He didn’t want Castiel to doubt that for a second.

“Cas, you can come in,” he said, and he heard his husband slowly creak the door open.

“I just… I wanted to say I’m deeply sorry and that…” Cas said, taking a steadying breath before continuing. “if you no longer want to be with me, I understand. I wouldn’t want to continue being married to me either.”

“What? No, Cas…” Dean said, getting up so he could look him in the eyes. “Of course I still want to be with you. I love you! It’s just…With everything that's going on, you can't just go dark like that. I didn't know what happened to you…”

“Well, I didn't mean to add to your distress,” Cas said, almost a whisper. “Dean, I just keep failing. Again and again. When you were taken, I searched for months and I couldn't find you. And then Kelly escaped on my watch, and I couldn't find her. And I just wanted... I  _ needed  _ to come back here with a win for you. For myself.”

“Cas I-”

“Please let me finish…” the angel implored him. “I… I thought I could spare you. I thought that if I found some way to keep you from having to do what must be done, from killing an innocent… Dean, I just wanted to keep you from having that kind of blood on your hands.”

Dean grabbed his husband's hands, squeezing them gently. “We’ll find a better way,” he insisted.

Cas was quiet for a moment, clearly going through some inner turmoil. “What if there isn’t a better way?”

“Then we do what we gotta. But we do it together. You, me… and Sam. Hell, even Charlie and Eileen. We’re in this together. Team Free Will!” Dean exclaimed with a smirk and Cas tilted his head, clearly confused. “Oh, that’s right! You were passed out when I said that… Uh, it’s just some thing I said, like, seven years ago… You know what, it’s not important. What is important is that we’re all in this together, High School Musical style.”

Cas smiled, “I’m not sure I get that reference either, but I understand your sentiment…” he said, but just as quickly as it appeared, his smile vanished and his face became serious. He dropped Dean's hands and backed away a step, looking down at his feet. “Dean… I… The angels they want me to… They wanted me to steal the Colt.”

“What?”

As he talked the angel managed to look everywhere in the room but at Dean. “They tracked down Kelly and Dagon. They asked me to come back here so I could grab the Colt and kill both mother and child but I… But I can’t. I can’t lie to you. I don’t want to. And I’m sorry I even considered it. I just, Dean, I couldn’t stand the thought of you having to-”

“Hey,” Dean said, reaching for his hands again and Cas looked up at him in surprise. “Hey, I understand, ok? I get it. You just thought you were doing the right thing. You always do, but you don’t have to go it alone, Cas.”

“Dean-”

“No, you listen real close because I’m not going to say it again.  _ We’re a team. _ I’ll be damned if I let you walk out that door alone. Now, where are your angel friends meeting?”

* * *

It was deemed that Eileen would be much safer staying at the bunker than going after Dagon, since the Men of Letters could probably snipe her the second she stepped foot outdoors. Charlie volunteered to stay with her, just in case they decided to show up at the bunker.

They met Cas’s angel friends a block away from the house where Dagon and Kelly were staying. When they spotted Dean and Sam their stoic faces turned into scowles.

“We thought we told you to come alone,” one of them growled, giving Dean a pointedly nasty look.

“Change in plans,” Cas said, pulling out the Colt. “My husband and brother in law come or… no deal.”

“Very well. But don’t get in our way…  _ human _ ,” the angel said, bumping shoulders with Dean as he pushed past him and began making his trek towards the house, the second angel following closely behind. The Winchesters had no choice but to follow the d-bags.

Once inside, they could hear the noises of some game show coming from the living room television. Cas gestured for Dean and Sam to follow him through the kitchen while the other angels snuck up behind the hideous brown easy chair Dagon was lounging in. On her flank, Cas slowly approached the chair, silently cocking the Colt as he inched forward. When he rounded the chair, he paused and looked back at Dean. There was nobody there.

“Well, whatcha know?” came a feminine voice from Dean’s right. 

Cas fired at the demon and she teleported before the bullet could pass through her. Instead, it hit the wall behind Dean, causing him to lunge out of the way. She suddenly appeared in front of Cas and backhanded him across the jaw, her demonic power causing him to stagger and fall. Dean quickly went to his dazed husband, Sam in his shadow, and placed a hand on his arm, silently asking him if he was alright.

In that moment, one of the angels attempted to attack Dagon from behind, but she was faster, spinning around quickly and decking him in the face. While their brawling continued, Dean helped Cas to his feet. Castiel aimed the Colt at the demon, ready to fire another round, only to be stopped by the other angel.

“Hey,” he ordered, placing a hand on his arm. “Find the girl.”

Cas hurried downstairs, the Winchester brothers at his feet. The basement was dark and dingy and smelled like mold. They found a Ms. Preggo chained to a bed frame with the thinnest most disgusting mattress Dean had ever seen. He shuddered to think that Kelly had been sleeping on that. In her condition!

Cas cocked the Colt and looked at the woman, his expression torn. She gazed up at him with big doe eyes, and in that moment, Dean knew his husband wouldn’t be able to hurt her. Together, the three of them helped her shimmy her way out a window, escaping into the night air. They cut through backyards and quickly made their way to where the Impala was parked. Dean drove but let Kelly sit up front. In the passenger set, she wrung her hands in her lap. She clearly wanted to say something, but waited until they were on the highway to do so.

“Guess you finally caught me. Back there in the basement you came to kill me,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “But you didn't. Thank you.”

Cas sighed from the back seat. “Please don't thank me. I had a mission and I failed.”

“You didn’t fail, Cas,” Dean insisted. “Thinking for yourself, not letting those douchebags push you around? In my opinion, that was a win.”

Cas was silent for a second. “I don’t know if I agree, but thank you Dean.”

Everyone was silent for a minute. “And now?” Sam asked from beside Cas.

“Now, I don't know,” Cas admitted. “I just want to put as much distance between Kelly and Dagon as we can.”

So that's what they did. They were headed west, back towards the bunker, when Dean pulled over for gas. Cas got out of the car with him, rubbing his temples.

“Angel radio?” Dean asked, not unsympathetically, as he filled up Baby.

“Yes, they’ve been trying to contact me for some time now,” Cas admitted, his voice sounded strained.

Dean watched the numbers tick by on the meter. Holy shit his Baby at up a lot of money! “What do they want?” he asked casually.

“They want me to take Kelly to Heaven.”

Dean squeezed the gas pump a couple of times and hung it back up. “They want you to kill her? Man, you couldn’t kill her back there what makes you think you’ll be able to do it now?”

Cas paused for a moment, looking away from Dean. “No human form can step through that gate and survive,” he explained, ignoring Dean’s scoff. “Their souls will ascend to Heaven, and every cell of their beings will return to the universe. The son of Lucifer this is a human/archangel hybrid. That power it's beyond comprehension. This child could bring the universe to its knees.”

“Or lift it to it’s feet,” Kelly said from behind them. They both turned to look at her. “This baby… Nothing is born evil.”

Sam, unbenounced to them, was leaning against the car watching the exchange, nodding his head as if Kelly was giving a sermon.

“I can’t take that chance. Nobody can,” Cas said and Kelly reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Please, Castiel,” she begged. “S-something happened to me… I-I lost hope. I tried… I killed myself. I slit my wrists. I _died_. And then he saved me. He brought me back to life. His power, his soul surged through me, and it was good. Pure. I feel I know he is good.”

Cas sighed and the woman dropped her hand. “Kelly, what your child did, that's a testament to his power, but it's not proof of some goodness.”

Dean nodded. “He needs you alive, Kelly.”

“Maybe,” Sam said. “Or maybe it _was_ a miracle.”

Kelly turned and looked at him, nodding. “Maybe everything that I've been through, everything that I still have to go through, is happening for a reason. Maybe it's part of some plan.”

Cas sighed again. “No, it isn't,” he said, leaning against the hood of the Impala. “I used to believe in a plan. I used to believe that I had some mission. But I have been through enough now to know that everyone is just winging it. Some of us quite badly. Lucifer, he's just breaking toys. He's sowing destruction and chaos, and there is no grand purpose at work. And there's no special role for you. When Lucifer took over Rooney's body, I'm sorry. You were just there.”

Kelly breathed in deeply. “I know my baby can be good for this world.”

Dean shook his head. “Kelly, all the lore says that if this kid is born, you’re not living through it.”

“Exactly,” Cas agreed. “So even if you are right, and even if the worst isn't inevitable, then who will care for him when you're gone? Who? Who is strong enough to protect him and to keep him from evil influences and to keep him on the righteous path?”

“You?” Sam suggested. But before Cas or Dean could retort, Kelly grunted and placed a hand on baby bump.

“Let’s get you back in the car,” Dean suggested and Sam opened the door for Kelly. She took her place in the front, her eyes glassy with unshed tears, either from pain or emotion… or both.

“Please… Please don’t do this,” she begged again. Cas climbed in behind Dean and she grabbed his arm again. “Please, there must be another way!”

“Maybe there is,” Sam chimed in from behind her. “Maybe…? T-the grace extraction! We take the grace from the baby, from the Nephilim, and then the baby just becomes–”

“Human,” Cas finished for him. “Wait a minute. That extraction, it nearly killed you.”

“Yeah, but it didn't,” Sam said.

Cas shook his head. “Because we didn't finish it. We don't even know if this would work.”

“No. I won’t let you take away the one thing that makes him special,” Kelly huffed, slumping back in her seat.

“It’s either that or we take you to the sandbox. There is no door number three,” Dean told her, taping the wheel impatiently.

Without a word, Kelly sprang up and got out of the car, quickly making her way towards a bus stop on the corner. The three men dashed after her. Man, could she waddle fast! By the time Dean and the others made it to the bench she'd plopped down on, the eldest Winchester was out of breath. Since his husband and brother appeared to be fine, he attempted to hide it and failed miserably if Cas’s pitying look was any indication. Maybe it was about time he joined Sam on his morning runs?

“Kelly,” Sam sat down beside her. “I want to believe you. I want to believe that the power you felt, that it was  _ good _ . But, even if I wanted to advocate for you, I’m a bit outnumbered here. Two-to-one. Dean and Cas? They’re gonna need more to go on if they’re gonna buy into your nurture vs nature argument.”

Kelly pulled on his sleeve, grabbing his arm and pulling it towards her. “Don’t let them do this. Please, Sam!”

Cas looked around impatiently. “Kelly, we have to go,” he said, reaching down to take her hand. The moment their hands touched, a yellow pulse of light surged from her arm to his and Cas’s irises shone bright blue and then golden-yellow.

Dean reached for his husband, grabbing him by the shoulder, breaking the connection. “Cas, baby, are you ok?” he asked.

"I am," the angel said with a small smile. "I've been so lost... I'm not lost anymore. And I know now that this child must be born with all of his power."  
  
Dean looked at him, dumbfounded. "You can't actually mean that."  


"Yes. I do. I have faith," Cas said, raising Kelly to her feet. "We have to go." He began walking back towards the Impala, still hand and hand with Kelly. Dean jogged after them.  


"Hey, Cas, wait a second," he puffed. "Hold on!"  


Cas stopped and turned towards him. "You have to just trust me."  
  
Dean shook his head. "Okay, whatever that thing did to you, we're not just gonna let you walk away."  


"He didn't _do_ anything, Dean. He showed me."

"Showed you what?"

"The future."

"What?"

"Dean, do you trust me?"

"No, no, not after... after that _thing_ did something to you," Dean said, reaching for his husband. "Cas, please."

"There are still bullets left in the Colt. If this child is born and you find you cannot let him live, you are welcome to use it. But I promise you it won't come to that," the angel said, before continuing his trudge back to the car.

"Cas!" Dean shouted, following his angel.

Cas placed his hand on the door handle and looked up at his husband. "When you married me-"

"Oh, don't pull that shit," Dean grumbled, opening the driver's side door. "Fine. I'll follow your little plan... for now. Just, tell me where to go." He and Sam both got in the car.

"We can't go back to the bunker, surely Dagon will be expecting that. In fact, Sam, Eileen shouldn't stay there either."

"O-okay," Sam stammered, taking out his phone to text Eileen.

"Ask her to pack up Charlie and Olive and meet us out West, as far away from Degon as we can possibly get. Tell them to take I-70 for now, until I find us a safehouse."

Dean pursed his lips before starting the car. Cas was right, he owed it to him to trust him on this one. And if things fell through, at least he had the Colt.

End of chapter 44

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, so here we are, at the lakehouse because, like I said, I have Plans. Nobody says they can't take care of a few important cases while Cas and Kelly play house, right?


	45. All Along the Watchtower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. I am so fucking sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all knew this was coming... I promise it's temporary. I promise.

**Chapter 45 - All Along the Watchtower**

“Happy anniversary!” Cas said gleefully, plopping down on the bed. Dean covered his head with the pillow and groaned. It was too fucking early for merriment. He’d just gotten home (well home as in their new safehouse in North Cove, Washington) and was utterly exhausted after back to back cases, he guessed you could call them. Although they were more like crises.

The first ‘case’ was a vary familiar phone call from Alicia and Max Banes asking him to come help them look for their mother who’d gone on a hunting trip and hadn’t been heard from in a few days. Not that he blamed Max for his decision in the end. Honestly, he’d have done the same thing. If twig Alicia honestly believed she was the real Alicia, who’s to say she wasn’t? It wasn’t our bodies that made us who we are, it was our experiences. Our memories. Or at least that’s what Dean had come to believe. One kind of had to when married to a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent who had once possessed not just one, but two female bodies, that he knew of. Not only that, but he’d experienced what it meant to have Cas in his body, Jimmy’s body, and not be the same Cas he’d come to know and love. He’d seen so many versions of Cas it made his head spin just thinking about it. So, he avoided thinking about it. It was easier that way.

The second crisis was a failed attempt at tracking down Mom who currently was being brainwashed by the British Men of Letters. He was pretty sure they would have all been screwed if they hadn’t fled to Washington. He was glad to have his family all under one roof for once. Even Jody and her brood had come to crash with them. He didn’t want anyone falling into the clutches of those scumbags. Thankfully, there was a five bedroom lakehouse for rent or else there’d be no room for four couples, a cat, and a pregnant woman. Charlie, being the odd man out, offered to take the futon.

Cas took the pillow away from him. “I made you breakfast,” he offered and Dean groaned again, tugging the blankets up over his head. With a small meow, Olive jumped on Dean back and started giving him a cat massage, kneading into his back, her little razor claws poking through the blanket and into his flesh. It was as if she and Cas were in cahoots with their evil plan to deny Dean his much needed beauty rest.

“Five more minutes,” Dean grumbled.

“Five minutes is not a sufficient amount of time for your body to enter another REM cycle. It won’t help you feel less tired,” Cas said matter of factly.

“Fine, another hour then,” Dean haggled with yet another groan.

“Fine,” Cas agreed, pulling back the covers to kiss him on the temple. “I’ll keep your food warming in the oven.”

“Love you,” Dean mumbled, before sleep took hold once more.

“I love you too,” Cas said, before picking up Olive and tiptoeing out the room. He closed the door with a slight creak, but Dean was already out. He was still so exhausted a hurricane couldn't have woken him. Well, unless that hurricane took the form of an annoyingly sweet husband. What felt like a second later, he was being woken again by the angel.

“I thought I said another hour,” he complained.

“Dean, it’s been two hours,” Cas informed him, setting a tray of food across the hunter’s lap. “I would appreciate it if you ate something. You’ve been asleep almost twelve hours. It’s time to break your fast.”

“Twelve hours?” Dean questioned, sitting up and looking down at the array of breakfast fare. The tray was packed with eggs, bacon, hash browns, and toast. A fresh cup of coffee accompanied the meal.

“Sam referred to it as ‘hunter’s coma,’” the angel said, making air quotes with his fingers.

“Yeah, that happens sometimes,” Dean admitted, taking a sip of his coffee. “When you get, on average, less than four hours of sleep and have been up for almost forty-eight hours your body tries to make up for it by sleeping twelve hours straight, sometimes more.”

“Do you require more sleep?” Cas asked him, wringing his hands in his lap nervously.

“Nah,” Dean smiled at him before taking a bite of his scrambled eggs, talking around a mouthful. “I’d rather not sleep away our anniversary.”

“What would you rather do instead?” Cas asked, suggestively.

Dean took the toast and scooped his breakfast into it’s buttery surface, making himself a bacon, egg, and hashbrown sandwich. “Oh, I think we can think of something,” he said, taking a bite of his delicious concoction.

Cas sat at the edge of the bed, gazing at Dean’s food longingly. He sighed audibly and laid back so he was next to Dean, sprawling out with one hand thrown across his stomach, the other behind his head.

“I miss breakfast food,” he said. “Remember when you used to do Sunday brunch?”

Dean smiled down at his food, allowing the memory to wash over him. “Yeah, I was kinda hoping that if I fed you you’d follow me back to my room like a little lost kitten,” he admitted, remembering how he was too terrified to make any sort of moves while Cas was still human.

“Well, to be fair, my encounter with April was still fresh in my mind at the time. So, it wasn’t for lack of trying… I just wasn’t ready.”

Dean took another bite of his breakfast sandwich and moaned around a mouthful.

“That good, huh?” Cas asked, a smirk playing at his lips.

Dean nodded before swallowing his extra large bite and chomping into it again.

“Would it make you terribly angry if I told you that Kelly helped?” he asked and Dean stopped chewing for a second before shrugging and taking another large bite. “Nobody here besides you is exactly culinary, you know.”

“Well, I like to take care of my people,” Dean said with his mouthful. He swallowed and washed it down with coffee before continuing, “It was kinda ingrained into me at an early age.”

Cas turned so he was facing Dean. “I’m sorry you went through that,” he said sincerely.

Dean shrugged again. He popped the last bit of breakfast in his mouth and wiped his hands on the comforter, earning a dirty look from Cas. The hunter moved the tray to the end table and turned over so he was facing his husband, booping him on the nose with his index finger.

“Lighten up Mr. Grumpy Gills, it’s our anniversary!”

* * *

A half hour later, Dean and Cas were rinsing the dishes from breakfast when Sam walked into the kitchen.

“You guys realize this place has thin walls right?” Sam said, his face scrunched up in disgust.

“Well, you shoulda expected me shout Cas’s name over and over. It _is_ our anniversary,” Dean said, drying his hands on a dish towel.

“It’s cute that you think that’s all we heard,” Sam said, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge. “You basically traumatized my girlfriend, not to mention Claire and Alex.”

“Yeah, well, they’ll get over it,” Dean said with a noncommittal shrug. Before Sam could say another word, Dean’s phone rang. “Hello?”

_“Heya Dean, it’s Garth.”_

“Hey man, it’s good to hear from you. What’s up?”

_“Well, me and the wife were on a little romantic getaway in Montana when a lady claiming to be your mother showed up and tried to kill us.”_

“What?!” Dean put him on speaker.

 _“Yeah, she’s tied up right now but I gotta say, this lady don’t look old enough to be your mom,”_ Garth said.

 _“Aww thank you, you’re too kind,_ ” came their mother’s voice from the background.

Dean sighed. “It’s a long story, Garth. Where _are_ you?”

_“Just outside Helena.”_

“Ok, Garth, don't move. And call every hunter you know in a twelve hour radius. We’re on our way.”

* * *

Claire and Alex offered to stay behind and keep an eye on Kelly while the rest of them went to deal with the mom situation. Once at the little log cabin Garth and Bess were staying at, they were greeted with a hug from the now-werewolf and stiff nods from the other hunters.

“What, no hug for mommy?” said Mary from where she was tied to a kitchen chair.

Dean ignored her while Garth filled him in on how they were able to disarm and capture her. Sensing his distress, Jody came up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder, which he squeezed in return.

“Aww, you wanna play mother to my son?” Mary said, looking at Jody. “He’s all yours.”

Dean glared at her as she watched him with a very un-Mary-like expression.

“Dean, that’s not your mom,” Jody assured him.

“What's the matter, Dean?” his mom asked him. "Am I too different from the Mary you know? Or too much the same?”

“Okay, I think we’ve heard enough,” Sam said from behind Dean. He turned to Charlie. “You think you can use your witchy powers to fix her?”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” another hunter Dean didn’t recognize said from where she was leaning against the unlit fireplace. “We working with witches now?”

Charlie scowled at him. “One, clearly you’re new here. And two, I studied magic in Oz so I’m kinda a Good Witch.”

A few of the hunters were murmuring things about Oz as Charlie approached Mary. She placed her hand on her forehead and closed her eyes, concentrating. When she finally looked up, she was sporting a nose bleed.

“I can’t get in,” Charlie said with a frown.

“Let me try,” said Cas. He too was unsuccessful. “Your mother, the _real_ Mary, is hiding behind impenetrable walls. It would take masterful spellwork to reverse it.”

Before Dean could answer, Mary’s phone buzzed from the table.

“It’s Ketch,” Sam said, looking down at phone with a frown.

“Let it go to voicemail,” Dean suggested.

One of the hunters cleared their throat. “No offense,” he said in a gruff voice, “but why are we here?”

Dean nodded towards the phone, “That’s why. We’re taking the fight to them.”

The half dozen hunters started talking all at once causing Sam to put his fingers in his mouth and whistle to get their attention.

“Thank you,” he said. “Um, so m-my brother and I, w-we, um…” he sighed, collecting himself. “No, you know what? You were called here because people, our people, are being slaughtered. And we're next… The British Men of Letters, they came here because they thought they could do our job better than we could. And they hooked us with their flashy gear and their tech. Most of you had the good sense to turn 'em down. They said they wanted the same thing we wanted, a world free of monsters… That's not what they really wanted. They want control. They want to live in a world where they can sit in some office and decide who gets to live and who gets to die… And they've killed people. They've killed innocent people just because they got in the way. They think the ends justify the means. But we know better. We know hunting isn't just about killing. It's about doing what's right, even when it's hard. So we go by our gut, right? We play by our own rules, and that scares them. That's why they want us dead, 'cause we're the one thing they can't control,” Sam said, his voice full of passion.

“So what do you want from us?” a hunter named Roy asked.

“I want you to follow me. Take the fight to them. To hit them before they hit us. We go in fast and hard and we fight and we beat them down until they give up or until they're dead,” the younger Winchester said. “Look, they're well-trained and well-armed. Some of us might not make it back. But we will win. We will take down the bad guys because that's what we do. They're scared of us… They should be.”

Dean had never been more proud of his brother.

* * *

Everyone but Cas, Dean, and Charlie headed out for the BMoL compound. The three of them, they would try and save Mary.

Thankfully, Dean had some African dream root in the trunk of his car. With the combined powers of Charlie and Cas, they were able to alter it to bypass the barriers in Mary’s mind.

Dean woke up in his childhood home in Kansas. Looking down at himself, he was still wearing the same red checkered flannel, blue jeans, and boots he’d fallen asleep in. The room he was sitting in was frozen in time, just as it was in 1983. He got up and walked to the kitchen, eyes roaming over distant memories. Even the scent was right, smelling faintly of lemon soap and cinnamon.

Behind him, he heard a baby cry. Turning around he reentered the living room to find a crib that wasn’t there previously. Sammy.

He approached his infant brother, cheeks still rosy and eyes wide with wonder. The child had yet to experience the event that would change the course of his young life, forever.

“Why are you awake?” his mother asked softly, bending over the crib to rub at Sam’s tummy. “It’s nap time.”

She straightens up and Dean gets a good look at her. She looks beautiful with her long blonde curls hanging loose around her shoulders wearing a flowery purple sundress and a silver locket around her neck. She moves to the kitchen without even looking at Dean.

“Dean, lunch is ready!” she called and a boy with light shaggy brown hair entered the room and sat down at the table, waiting patiently for his mother to place a glass of milk and PB&J sandwich in front of him.

Dean looked away from his younger self and back at his mother. “Mom, we gotta get out of here, okay? You need to come with me,” he told her but she simply tousled her son’s hair and went over to the sink. “Mom? Mom. Mom!” But it’s useless. His mother continued to busy herself around the kitchen. “Look, I know that they messed with your head, okay? I know it feels better in here. It feels safer. But I-I need you to hear me.”

Again, Mary ignored him, choosing instead to address his younger counterpart. “I was thinking maybe we should take Sammy to the park later, before Daddy gets home. Sound good?”

Dean was beginning to get frustrated. “Mom, look at me!” he said, grabbing her arm. Without looking down at it, she pulled away from his grasp, and made her way over to the oven. She pulled out a fresh baked pie, smiling as she brought it to the table.

“You’re choosing this…” Dean said, voice heavy with realization.

“You’re favorite!” she sing-songed to young Dean. “But, _after_ you eat.” She kneeled down next to her young son. “I only want good things for you, Dean. I'll never let anything bad happen to you.”

Dean’s stomach felt like a brick of hot molten lead. Never let anything bad happen to him?

“I hate you. You lied to me. I was a kid,” Dean said as his mother got up and moved back to the sink. He knew she could hear him. “You promised you'd keep me safe. And then you make a deal with Azazel. Yeah, it saved Dad's life, but I'll tell you something else that happened. Because on November 2nd, 1983, old Yellow Eyes came waltzing in to Sammy's room, because of your deal.” Sammy’s cries interrupted them and Mary went to comfort her infant son. Dean followed her, his eyes burning with unshed tears.

“You left us,” he continued, though she still refused to acknowledge him. “Alone. 'Cause Dad was just a shell. His perfect wife? Gone. Our perfect Mom, the perfect family... was gone. And I... I had to be... more than just a brother. I had to be a father and I had to be a mother, to keep him safe. And that wasn't fair. And I couldn't do it. And you wanna know what that was like?” Dean asked, again trying to get his mother to _just look at him._ “They killed the girl that he loved. He got possessed by Lucifer. They tortured him in Hell. And he lost his soul. _His soul._ All because of you. All of it was because of you. I hate you,” Dean repeated, tears finally slipping down his face. “I hate you. And I love you. 'Cause I can't… I can't help it. You're my Mom. And I understand… 'cause I have made deals to save the ones I love more than once.” Mary continued to look away but it was obvious she could hear him. “I forgive you. For all of it. Everything. On the other side of this, we can start over, okay? You, me, Sam, and Cas. We can get it right this time. But I need you to fight. Right now, I need you to fight. I need you to look at me, Mom. I need you to really look at me and see me. Mom, I need you to see me. Please.”

At long last, his mother looked up at him, tears in her eyes. “Dean?”

* * *

Back at the safehouse, Mary insisted on staying on a cot in Kelly’s room so she could keep an eye on her, like her own personal birth coach or something. The room was slowly being converted into a nursery, Ikea crib and rainbow wall mural and truck load of diapers would bring little Jack into this world, even if his mother wouldn’t be there to greet him. That, and his many aunts and uncles who, for the foreseeable future, would most likely be staying at the lakehouse.

With the British Men of Letters eliminated, their only threat now was Lucifer. Yes, the Prince of Darkness himself was not dead. Before Jody shot her, the Umbridge lady from the BMoL told them. That, and Crowley was dead, apparently. Oh, and Dagon was still out there somewhere, probably teaming up with her demon pals to track them down.

Cas suggested they call Rowena to come up with a plan to not only better ward the lake house but also put Lucifer back in his cage. But, speak of the devil, when they called her cell, she didn’t answer Lucifer did. He informed tham that he had killed the witch and that he would come for his son. Fucking great. Now they needed a plan b.

Before they could formulate what they’d do next, Kelly cried out a grunt from the other room. At once, both Cas and Mary were on their feet, rushing to her side.

“Uh, guys,” Dean said, noticing a glowing yellow mist rising from where Kelly had been gripping the couch cushion. Cas squinted at the, what appeared to be some sort of glowing energy. The golden glow rushed up and out an open window and Castiel followed. Dean sighed and followed his husband, Sam close behind.

Outside, Cas was standing in front of a thin column of light. It kinda looked like the crack in the wall from Doctor Who. Knowing their luck, it probably _was_ a rip in space and time.

“What _is_ that?” Dean asked, although he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

“I believe it’s some sort of rift. A portal. To another universe,” his angel explained.

“Well, we going in or what?”

Cas nodded and reached out to touch the tear with his index finger. He instantly disappeared. Sam looked at Dean who shrugged and followed suit.

Inside the alternate universe, the sky was dark and lightning struck repeatedly. There were these tall spikes that reminded Dean of the Dragon’s Teeth from Mass Effect. They even had bodies speared through the tops, like how the Geth and Reapers turned humans into Husks in the game. It was kinda really fucking creepy. Looking around, there were no other structures. In fact, it looked as if they were in the middle of a desert. The earth was scorched and cracked. There was no vegetation.

“Where are we?” Dean asked but before Cas could answer, a human-like being with literal horns coming from his forehead, came from nowhere, teeth bared and hissing. He knocked Cas to the ground with his bare fists and then turned to the Winchester brothers. Thankfully, before he could attack them as well, someone fired a weapon into his back and he sparked out like a demon stabbed with Ruby’s blade. Their savior approached them slowly. His face was covered with a scarf but something about him seemed… familiar.

Cas studied him for a second. “Bobby?”

The man pulled down his head covering, revealing the haggard face of Dean and Sam’s surrogate father.

“Do I know you?” he asked.

“It’s us, Bobby,” Dean said, taking a step closer to the man.

The old hunter pointed his weapon at Dean, stopping him in his tracks. “Who’s ‘us’?”

“Dean and Sam? Castiel? Come on, Bobby, you know us,” Dean said to him.

“I don’t know you from Adam,” the old man said. “Now you best explain yourselves or I’m gonna lose my patience.”

Dean swallowed. “Right, um… Well, my name’s Dean Winchester and this is my brother Sam-”

“Winchester? As in John Winchester?”

“Yeah. John was our dad,” Dean nodded.

“Doubt it,” he said with a snort. “He's dead. Been dead over forty years now. Only reason I know about him is this Hunter I ran with, Mary Campbell. You get a few pints of shine into her, and she always told the same story about the man she loved, John Winchester. Azazel killed her about ten years ago.”

“This must be a universe where the two of you never existed. Where you never stopped the apocalypse,” Cas said, his voice steady but Dean could tell by his body language that he was trying his damndest to stay calm.

Bobby barked out a laugh. “Stop the apocalypse? Look around you. It’s apocalypse now.”

“It’s true,” Dean told him. “See that glowing streak?” he asked, gesturing towards the rift. “On the other side of that is a universe where John Winchester _didn’t_ die. In that universe, _we_ were born and we stopped it. Well, with Cas’s help of course.”

“Cas… Castiel? Sounds angel-like,” Bobby said, training his weapon on Cas. “Rufus here, he’s loaded with a hundred rounds, cast from old angel blades.”

Dean put up his hands. “Whoa whoa whoa. I get it, angels are dicks. But Cas, he’s one of us. Rebelled from Heaven and everything.”

“Well, he ain’t wearing baby ears…” Bobby mused, whatever _that_ meant. “But he still walks like he’s got a stick up his ass.”

“Look,” Dean said, taking a step forward and Bobby turned so that Rufus was trained on the eldest Winchester brother. “Cas might be a little stiff, I’ll give you that, but he’s not like them.”

“Just tell him, Dean. Maybe it’ll help,” Sam said from Dean’s flank.

“Tell me what, exactly?” Bobby asked in a gruff voice.

Dean knew exactly what his brother meant. “Look, dude, I can’t exactly tell him _that_. The apocalypse must’ve happened, what, ten years ago? The world was a different place then, man!”

Bobby cocked his weapon and Dean just about shit his pants. “Ok ok ok,” he said, putting his hands up once again. “We’re married. Look, matching rings. He’s not welcome in Heaven anymore, I swear to you. Like I said, he’s one of us.”

“You’re married… to an angel?” the old man asked and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe the old man was more progressive than he’d thought.

Dean smiled and ducked his head. “Yeah, ten years ago I’d have thought it was crazy too. But, yeah.”

* * *

When they entered back into their world they were greeted by a familiar smarmy voice.

“Hello, boys,” Crowley said, smirking at them.

Fuck. Dean _knew_ he wasn’t dead. Cas took out his angle blade and trained it on the demon. “Did you do it?” he asked. “Did you let Lucifer out?”

“Why would I do a thing like that?” he asked. “Look… I perverted mother's spell, put Lucifer in a vessel of my own making because I wanted to win. You have any idea how many people have made a play for my throne over the years? Lucifer, Abaddon, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Too damn many. I thought if I could put the Devil on a leash...  my own personal nuke, no one would ever dare challenge me again.”

“Rowena's dead,” Sam informed him.

Crowley frowned. “Really?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, really. Lucifer did it.”

Crowley looked down, shaking his head. “Funny. I always thought I'd be the one to kill her.”

“Yeah, well,” Dean shrugged. “Your plan worked out great, by the way.”

“Ended with me narrowly escaping death by hiding in a rat.”

Sam cringed. “Wait. In an… actual rat?”

Crowley looked past him, as if remembering better times. “Wasn't too bad, really. Gave me time to think. You know, I've been focused for so long on keeping my job. Never realized I hate it. All those whining demons, the endless moan of damned souls, the paperwork!” he shook his head. “I mean, who wants that?”

“You,” Dean and Sam said at the same time.

“Once, maybe.”

“So why are you here?” Dean asked.

“Well, whenever there's a world-ending crisis at hand, I know where to place my bets. It's on you, you big, beautiful, lumbering piles of flannel. So if you'll forgive my transgression, I'll make it worth your while.”

“Which means?”

“After we put Lucifer back in his cage, together, I'll seal the gates of Hell. You'll never see another demon again, apart from, of course, yours truly.”

Cas narrowed his eyes. “You would do that?”

“Why not? They stab me in the back, I'll happily stab them in the front, the sides, and right up their little black-eyed asses. So... we have a deal?”

* * *

Since the only people who actually had experience with the devil were Dean, Sam, and Cas, everyone else in their family agreed it was best if they played secondary roles. Mary, of course, was to stay by Kelly through her labor. Claire and Alex were on indoor patrol and Olive duty. Jody and Donna were to watch the perimeter. And Charlie and Eileen were backup/diversions. Cas and Crowley were already camped out in Bizarro World.

Dean, Sam, Charlie, and Eileen took their places in front of the house and waited for the mouse to fall into their trap.

“You know, Cas has faith in this kid,” Dean said by means of a ‘pep talk’. “He believes in Paradise. With a capital P. I hope he's right. But me? I have faith in _us_. This is gonna work. It has to.”

* * *

“Well... this is a fun surprise,” Lucifer said when he finally showed. “I gotta hand it to you guys. You never give up, even when you should. Even when it would be so stupid not to.”

“Look, whatever you're planning on doing, Chuck… God will stop you, just like he did last time,” Sam informed him with false bravado.

“You're right. What should I do?” the devil said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh, God! Don't strike me dead! Come on, Sam. You sound like a virgin in Jesus camp. ‘We can't. God is watching.’ No. Chuck _walked_. He's gone.”

“So you're just gonna smash his toys?” Dean asked.

“Exactly. 'Cause every time I look at this sad trash fire of a world, you know what I keep thinking? I could do so much better. And I can do it without anyone's help. So Dago is no mo.”

Great, that's one less demon to worry about. “So Apocalypse, take two. That's your plan?”

“When in doubt, go with the classics. That's what I always say. Well, boys and girls, enough with the foreplay. Let's do this,” Lucifer said.

The four of them looked at each other, as planned, and ran off behind the house.

“Mature. Real mature!” the devil called after them before strolling around the house with a swagger in his step. “You guys? I really want to enjoy this. Really wanna savor just ripping you apart, gettin' all up in there, and gettin' all gooey. But, you know, little slugger's almost here and, uh... Well, I'm on the clock.”

They wait until Lucifer comes around the corner before they all step into the rift and disappear.

“Cas, get ready!” Dean shouted as soon as he was through.

Less than a minute later, the devil appeared.

“You wanted the Apocalypse? You got it,” Sam said while Dean and Eileen were getting set up.

Lucifer turned to face him. “Sammy. Hey. Where's your big bro?”

“Right here,” Dean said.

The devil turned around to find that Dean and Eileen were both pointing special apocalypse weapons at him, Dean’s an angel killing gun named Rufus and Eileen’s the demon killing gun Bobby used when they first passed through the rift.

“Ooh. Sweet toys,” Satan said sarcastically.

“Yeah, I got it off an old/new pal of mine. See, we have this bet, see if it works against an archangel. So... say hello to my little friend,” Dean said before he and Eileen unloaded their weapons on the guy. While they were firing, Sam slipped away to join Cas, Charlie, and Crowley with a spell.

Dean soon ran out of bullets and a very pissed off, very unharmed Lucifer looked up at him with red eyes. He flicked his wrist, sending Eileen flying back towards the portal and advanced on Dean, using his angelic strength to pry the weapon from his hands and butt him in the face with it. Dean hit the ground and Lucifer began kicking him, but Cas pulled the devil off, pushing him out of the way. The hunter scrambled towards his feet, watching his angel being pummeled in the face. But Eileen was lying unmoving on the ground so instead of helping Cas, he went to her instead. He crouched near her prone body and shook her shoulder. Nothing. Panicking, he put his fingers to her pulse point. Still nothing.

“Cas!” he shouted, but his angel was currently getting the shit beat out of him.

Thankfully, Crowley force-pushed him away just in time.

“Surprise,” the King of Hell said, his tone flat.

“Crowley!” Lucifer said, rising to his feet. “You sneaky little... So I guess I get to kill you twice, huh, Crowley?”

“I doubt it.”

“Oh, no, no. You had your chance. You could've put me back in the Cage, but...  you had to make it personal, didn't you?”

Sam and Charlie came running back towards the rift and Dean’s heart did a flip-flop. How was he gonna tell Sam? Eileen was… No, she couldn’t be! Sam was watching the altercation and had yet to see his girlfriend lying face-down in the dirt.

“You're right. It is personal,” Crowley said. “You humiliated me. I... I hate you. Deeply. Truly. I'm gonna enjoy wiping that smug, self-satisfied look off your face. Personally.” He took an angel blade out of his coat.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Come on, Crowley. You know whatever you try, you're gonna lose.”

“You're right, but even when I lose… I win,” Crowley said before turning to Dean and Sam. “Bye, boys.” And with that, he turned the blade towards himself and plunged it into his stomach. He dropped to the ground, dead.

“Cas!” Dean shouted, before picking up Eileen and throwing her over his shoulder, fireman style. “Come one, the rift is closing!”

Cas rose to his feet, and moved to stand in front of the devil. “Go! I’ll hold him off!” he shouted and Dean had be be dragged by both Sam and Charlie through the rift kicking and screaming. No way was he letting his husband sacrifice himself. He fought them the whole way until he found himself on the other side, still holding Eileen.

Before he had time to do anything, the rift pulsed and Cas came back through.

“Cas,” Dean said, breathing a sigh of relief.

But, suddenly, a blade pierced his chest from behind and the angel’s eyes and mouth glowed a bright white.

“NO!” Dean shouted, unable to move and unable to drop the woman he was carrying to run towards his angel. His husband fell to the ground, revealing Lucifer behind him. Dean looked down at his body with disbelief. This couldn’t be happening.

“That was fun. Seriously, guys, points for trying. Super impressed, but, uh... playtime's over,” the devil sneered.

“Get away from them,” Mary said from behind and Dean, Sam, and Charlie all turned to look.

“Mary, right? Yeah, I've heard about you. You are _certainly_ living up to the hype,” the devil said, giving her a flirtatious wink. “Look, seriously, I just wanted to say thank you for everything. I owe ya, kid.”

Mary took a step forward, despite her children’s protests.

“I love you,” she said before punching Lucifer in the face with Enochian brass knuckles.

“Cute,” the devil said, licking his bloody lip. “Is that all you got, mama?”

Mary punched him again and again, causing him to drop the angel blade beside Cas’s body. She continued to strike him, each blow lighting up the red grace beneath his skin. She hit him back towards the rift and as he was about to fall through, he grabbed her arm and pulled her with him. With that, the rift closed.

“Mom!” Dean shouted. “Mom, no!”

Dean placed Eileen down beside Cas. “No. No no no no no,” he said.

Sam, finally noticing his girlfriend’s sill body, crouched down to take her pulse.

“Eileen… No,” he said, grabbing her hand. “Eileen wake up.”

Behind them, a light was flickering in the house. Sam turned to look at it.

“Go,” Charlie said. “I’ll see what I can do.”

With a small nod, Sam ran back towards the house. Dean was finally able to pry his eyes away from where the rift once stood to look at Charlie and then down at Cas.

“What about…?”

Charlie shook her head. “I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do for him,” she said. “Will you help me with-” she started to ask but cut herself short as Dean fell to his knees before his husband’s body. He looked at his still face. No. This couldn’t be real. Cas couldn’t be… Dean sank even further into the wet sand.

“Cas,” Dean said again, reaching out to take his husband’s hand, feeling the cool metal of their wedding rings beneath his fingers. “Castiel.”

End of chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me. I promise to update as soon as I can.


	46. My Bluebird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 13, yall!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This shit is so close to canon it ain't even funny anymore.
> 
> And, yes, this chapter is named after my other fic.

**Part IV - Sleep Well My Angel**

**Chapter 46 -  My Bluebird**

Beside him, Charlie began cutting into the flesh of her wrist with an exacto knife, but Dean barely even noticed, all of his focus was on Cas.

“Dean! Dean!” he recognized Claire’s voice calling. “Dean, something’s up in the nur-” she started but cut herself off when she saw Castiel’s lifeless body. “No. No no no no no. Fuck.” She sank down beside Dean.

“Guys, we really do need your help inside,” Jody yelled from a few feet back. “Oh my god, Charlie, what are you doing?!” she ran up to the redhead and pried the blade from her wrist.

Charlie glared up at her. “Blood magic, what does it look like I’m doing?!” she exclaimed, fighting for the box cutter.

“Donna? You and Alex check on Sam, okay!” Jody shouted behind her shoulder. “I’ve kinda got a situation here!”

Dean barely registered any of what was happening around him. Tears fell and plopped onto his husband’s shirt and he stared at the growing wet marks they left, it wasn’t until Claire began crying into his shoulder that he fully realized the reality of the situation… His husband was… No. He couldn’t even think it. He looked at the scorched wings behind his head and sank down unto Castiel’s chest, dragging Claire with him.

The two of them huddled over the angel’s body until Eileen let out a sharp breath beside them. Dean sat up and Claire fell off his shoulder, both of them staring, mouths agape, at the resurrected huntress.

“Sam! Sammy, get out here quick!” Dean shouted, raising to his feet. “Sam!”

“Dean?” Sam’s voice came from inside the house. He, Donna, and Alex came running out the front door. “He got away… I tried to stop him but-” Sam stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his girlfriend catching her breath next to Charlie. “Eileen!”

“Sam?” she rasped, blinking at him. “What happened?”

Sam ran the remaining distance and fell to his knees in front of her, enveloping her in a tight hug. He kissed her forehead and pulled away to speak to her.

“I thought you’d left me…” he said, tears slipping out his eyes. “Don’t you dare do that again,” he half spoke/half signed.

“I’ll try not to,” Eileen said, reaching out for him with her hand, which he took and clasped between two of his own.

“Marry me,” he breathed.

Eileen’s eyes were the size of saucers. “Sam, I-”

“I’m sorry,” the youngest Winchester said sheepishly. “I just… I thought I lost you and now that I have you back I don’t want to spend a single second-”

“Yes.”

Sam grinned. “Really?”

“Of course you idiot!” Eileen exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.

* * *

Well, they found Jack. Not that it would do them any good since the guy (yes full grown man and not baby) couldn’t even bring Cas back. He even tried praying to Chuck - God - whoever, and even that didn’t work. So, here he was in the dining room where he’d lain Cas’s body, which he insisted on carrying by himself before they even _thought_ about leaving to find Jack. His husband was covered in a simple sheet which Dean pulled back in one fluid motion. His breath caught in his chest and tears flowed freely from his eyes, but he had to look at him one last time. Dean leaned over and kissed his husband on his cold cheek, pausing there a moment before pulling the sheet back over him.

That’s when he noticed the yellow drapes softly letting light into the dining room. Tears stinging his eyes, he began tearing them into long strips and then wrapped those strips around Cas. He had to stop a few times to keep himself from breaking down but he was determined to complete his task. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Yellow was the color of bumblebees and sunshine, and without Cas, Dean’s life was a little less bright. It seemed fitting to send him off wrapped in something beautiful, because, as far as Dean was concerned, Cas was taking everything beautiful and worthwhile with him to… wherever it was angels went when they--

Dean shook his head, burying that thought deep within, and picked up his angel. Carrying him to the pyre they had laid out at the beach and setting him beside Kelly.

As the flames engulfed his husband, Dean stared into their depths. He knew from that moment on he would never be the same. He lost his everything. The one who rescued him from the flames was turning to ash before his eyes and Dean had never felt so empty.

* * *

They’ve been at the bunker for a week now, and Dean cannot help but take his frustration out on everyone. Sam and Eileen for being so goddamn in love. Charlie for being able to bring said huntress back and not Cas, despite the blood loss from the ritual almost killing her. Claire and Alex left after Dean went off on Claire for something stupid, but he couldn’t help it, she looks _exactly_ like him. Her same blue eyes haunting his dreams every night, hell, even Jody and Donna went back to work earlier than they had originally planned (after helping him out with a case involving Missouri Moseley’s granddaughter, of course), because Dean was being simply unbearable. But, the person who faced his wrath above all others, was Jack. Not only was he an easily manipulated loose canon who _was_ going to go evil one of these days, no matter what Sammy said, he was also the reason Cas died. If it weren’t for his stupid rift, Cas would still be here. And Mary wouldn’t have died either. He didn’t care what Sam said, there was _no fucking way_ Lucifer had let their mother live. Period.

Thankfully, at least Sam seemed to understand where Dean was coming from. After losing Eileen, he had just a _taste_ of what Dean was feeling, and it wasn’t pretty. Sure, he was upset about Mom too, but losing Cas was unbearable. He sat up almost every night drinking himself into a stupor and listening to a mix tape he’d made Cas when they first started dating. Zepp did nothing to ease Dean’s pain however.

Since he was already dead inside anyway, the eldest Winchester didn’t hesitate a second when it came to inducing death to talk to some spirits on a case. Of course, Billie - the new Death - couldn’t just let him die. She just had to bring him back and be all cryptic, as usual. Why couldn’t supernatural beings ever just _say_ what they meant?

Dean was in the Impala, brooding while Sam slept (Charlie was still in kitten therapy back at the bunker and Eileen volunteered to stay with her) when his phone rang, waking the younger hunter out of his nap. Dean fished the device out of his pocket and looked down at the screen, not recognizing the number.

“Yeah?”

_“Hello Dean.”_

Dean’s breath caught in his throat and he looked at his brother, clear awe painted on his face.

“What?” Sam asked but the hunter ignored him.

“Cas?” Dean breathed, catching the attention of the man sitting next to him. Sam raised an eyebrow but Dean ignored it. “How-”

_“The dime I found won’t buy us much time. Can you track this call?”_

“Uh, yeah,” Dean said, switching to the app. “Do you have another minute?”

_“I’m afraid the voice said I only had two to begin with and that leaves me with only a few seconds to spare…”_

“That’s ok. I, uh, I think it found you. See you when we-” Dean was cut off by the call ending. Shit.

Dean drove like a bat out of hell. When he pulled into the alley where the GPS location app said Cas would be, he parked the Impala in front of the tacky neon blue cross of some church and cut the engine. Stumbling over his feet, he quickly got out of the vehicle and approached the trench coated figure.

Slowly, Cas turned around and Dean stared at him. He looked exactly like the Castiel he remembered except… was that a new trench coat?

“Cas, is that really you?” he asked because he had to. He wanted to believe but it just seemed too good to be true.

The angel nodded, tears welling up in his eyes.

“No,” Sam breathed. “Y-you’re dead.”

Cas took a step forward. “Yeah, I was. But then I annoyed an ancient cosmic being so much that he sent me back.”

Yep, sounded about right.

Sam blinked twice. “I… I don’t even know what to say.”

“I do,” Dean said, stepping forward. “Welcome home, Cas.”

The hunter threw his arms around his angel and hugged him tightly. He pulled back, not even caring that he had begun crying, and firmly pressed his lips to the angel’s. Cas kissed him back, burying his fingers into Dean’s jacket.

At long last, they broke apart. But neither made a move to step away from each other, choosing rather to stare deeply into each other’s eyes until Sam cleared his throat from behind them, breaking the trance.

“How long was I gone?”

Dean offered him a small smile. “Too damn long.”

* * *

Now that they had Cas back from the Empty, Dean’s demeanor had completely changed. Sure, Mom was still gone, but getting his husband back was a win. Cas didn’t even roll his eyes that hard when Dean said that they had to reconsummate their marriage since technically their vows were ‘till death do us part.’ Nor did he put up a fuss when Dean made them dress up like cowboys in Dodge City. Maybe Sam was right, maybe Dean _did_ have a fetish.

End of chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point forward, chapters will probably start being much longer but less frequent from here on out.
> 
> Also, if it's not abundantly clear, I don't know how to track a call. I made shit up.


	47. The Bad Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is assumed the reader is caught up on the show.

**Chapter 47 - The Bad Place**

Good things didn’t happen to Dean Winchester. Sure, getting Cas back was the single greatest thing that had ever or could ever happen, but they had little time to celebrate before shit hit the fan.

First, Jack ran off and Cas set out to find him. But when Dean called to check in with him something was… off.

_ “Hello Dean.” _

“Cas, hey. Are you ok? W-we tried to track you down but you were gone. We ran into a bunch of demons. What’s happening?”

_ “I’m sorry. I’m fine. I tried to call and warn you but I couldn’t get a signal.” _

“Ok, well what’s going on?”

_ “I’m following a very interesting lead. I’ll fill you in when I know more. See you soon Dean.” _

And then he hung up with a click.

“Yeah, something’s up,” Dean said to his brother who was sitting beside him in the Impala.

“You sure?” Sam asked, forehead creased.

“Oh yeah,” Dean said with a frown.

* * *

Dean was agitated. So agitated in fact, that he was cleaning his pistol. Again. They’d tried to find Cas, but they had no idea where to even start. The angel had missed Olive-vercery (the second anniversary of the day they got Olive) and Dean was in a very rotten mood because of it. Hopefully, they’d have a case soon so that he could get his mind off of it. And hopefully his husband was okay. Dean was finding it harder and harder to sleep at night because the bed was just too empty. He was staying up with Charlie binge watching Netflix more and more these days.

Oh, and he’d taken up drinking again.

“I just keep thinking that I didn’t tell him I loved him enough, you know?” Dean drunkenly told the nerd-witch as they made their way through Voyager. “Like, I just got him back and now I lost him again and all I can think is that I didn’t tell him enough.”

“Dean!” Charlie scolded, turning to give him a hard look, which honestly on her looked a bit like an angry puppy. “You  _ can’t  _ think that way! I’m sure he’s fine.”

Dean shook his head, laying back on the couch. They were in the rec room, Charlie electing to leave the comfort of her room for once. “No. He’s not fine. I-I…” Dean’s breath caught in his throat and he realized he’d begun crying. If it were anyone other than Charlie he’d be embarrassed as hell. “He sounded just like he did when he was possessed by Lucifer.” His voice was just a whisper even though there was no way for his brother and his fiancee to hear him.

Charlie sighed and scooted closer, throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his shoulder. “You’ll find each other. You always do,” she said with such confidence, Dean almost believed her.

* * *

After a heist for the new King of the Crossroads that reminded Dean of Indiana Jones, the hunter wasn’t feeling any better about his current situation. At all. It didn’t help that tomorrow was Thanksgiving.

He invited the whole family. Jody and Donna, Alex and Claire, Kevin and Linda, even Garth and his wife. But two of the most important people in his life were missing. Well, three if you counted Jack. Yeah, the little devil had grown on Dean.

Dean was moping in the kitchen, watching the turkey bake, when Jody found him.

“Hey, you ok?” she asked

Dean shook his head, folding his arms over his chest. “No. No, I’m not,” he said, a little harsher than he meant to.

Jody didn’t take offense, however. She pulled up a chair beside him and watched the turkey for a while, neither uttering a word.

Finally, she sighed and turned to face him. “So, you wanna talk about it?” she asked.

“Not really,” he huffed. “But you’re gonna make me, aren’t you?”

She sighed. “Look, I know not having Cas or you mom here sucks big stanky nuts, believe me. I know that better than anyone,” she said, and Dean remembered that she too had lost people very important to her. Her husband and son. He couldn’t imagine what that must’ve felt like.

Dean was quite for a moment before he finally relented with a sigh. “I’m sorry, Jodes. I just. I miss ‘em, you know?” he said, his voice barely audible above the crackling juices of the turkey. “I just got him back… I can’t… I can’t lose him again. I just can’t.”

Jody put her arm around his shoulder and he leaned into her embrace. “I know, Dean. I know,” she said, comforting him. He’s not ashamed to admit a few tears rolled down his cheeks. Hey, he’s human after all! He’s not made of stone.

* * *

It was the second week in December and Dean was  _ not  _ feeling any semblance of Holiday cheer. Hell, if it were up to him, Christmas would be canceled, but Sam and Eileen insisted on decorating the bunker and Dean had to deal with the merriment every time he left his room. So he didn’t. That is, until Sam suggested they call Patience. According to his brother, the best way to find Cas was to first find Jack. They couldn’t do this without him it seemed.

First, Dean needed something greasy in his system if he was gonna screw up yet another person's young life. He made a quick pit stop to his favorite burger joint and picked up something for himself, Sammy, Eileen, and Charlie. The girls were out Christmas shopping and should be back soon. On his way into the war room, he decided to bite the bullet and give the young psychic a ring.

“ _ Hi you’ve reached Patience Turner. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks.” _

“Patience, hey, this is, uh, Dean Winchester. Listen, I know that I, uh, told you to avoid this life but, uh, me and my brother, we’re looking for someone. We put an APB out with every hunter we know and… nothing,” Dean said, taking a breath before continuing. “We really could use a psychic’s help on this. So… if you could call me back. Thanks.”

He hung up the phone and looked at his brother sitting across the map table.

“Any word from our Cas impersonator?” he asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

“Yeah, actually,” Sam said, clicking away at his laptop. “He says he’s still looking for Jack, working a lead in Tucson.”

Before Dean had a chance to say anything regarding the matter, his phone rang again. He looked down expecting it to be Patience, but instead, it was Jody. He showed Sam the screen before answering. He put the phone on speaker and lightly tossed it into the middle of the table.

“Hey Jody.”

“Hi Jody, what’s going on?” Sam asked.

_ “Hey boys,”  _ came the sheriff’s voice from over the speaker.  _ “I got something for ya. A friend of mine from Bismarck PD called with a lead. He said that a local artist was found dead with his eyes burned out.” _

Dean grabbed the bag of food and started pulling out sandwiches and fries. “Sounds angeley,” he said with a frown.

_ “Yeah, that’s what I thought except for that there was a witness, the victim’s girlfriend, she pegged someone at the scene. She gave the police a description. I think it’s your boy.” _

“Cas?” Dean asked, holding his breath.

_ “No, Jack… I’m sorry Dean.” _

“No worries, Jody,” the eldest Winchester fibbed. The news was in fact worrisome. “We’ll get right on that.”

_ “Much appreciated, boys,” _ Jody said before saying her goodbyes and hanging up.

* * *

Eileen decided to wait in the car while Dean, Sam, and their ‘FBI trainee’ Charlie went to go talk to the witness. Four feds simply made people uncomfortable. They met the girlfriend of the painter that Jack supposedly killed. Without much prompting at all, she told them that her boyfriend was a dreamwalker.

While Sam talked to the GF, Dean and Charlie rummaged through the guy’s paintings. Flipping through the canvas, Dean came across a dark dusty landscape with large pointed spikes. Apocalypse World.

“Sam,” he said, getting his brother’s attention.

His brother frowned and thanked the woman for her time. They needed to come up with a game plan, but first, they need coffee.

Dean parked the Impala in front of a coffee truck and looked up at the mural on the wall in front of him. A glowing blue haloed child was holding out his hands towards a large pair of blue and yellow wings, from the tips of which, several more sets of wings were escaping. It was beautiful and ominous and reminded him of Cas.

When Sam and Eileen returned with their joe, Dean thanked them and took a large pull from the warm beverage.

“So, the lore on dreamwalking is pretty inconsistent,” Sam said, opening Dad’s journal. “There’s stories about it over numerous-”

“Sam, we gonna talk about it?” Dean asked, cutting of his brother’s nerd rant.

“What?” Sam asked, taking a sip of his coffee. It looked extra small in his mammoth sized hands.

“You saw that painting,” Dean said to him, staring at his brother.

“Yeah,” Sam said, looking uncomfortable.

“And?” Dean asked. “It looks like Jack gave up on us and he’s looking for Daddy.”

“Dean we don’t know that,” Sam said. The girls were sipping their coffee, watching the brothers in discomfort, neither wanting to say something that would upset either man.

“Don’t we?” Dean said, becoming agitated. “A guy is dead! Look, I hate this too but we’ve got to be prepared.”

Sam sighed and looked down. “Let’s kill him,” he said, his face unreadable.

“Look, this isn’t an ‘I told you so’ okay?” Dean shook his head. “I mean, I actually like the kid. I do, but we’re in Worst Case Scenario Land here.”

“But, Dean, we need more information,” Sam said and Dean sighed. “I mean, we gotta figure out what Jack wanted. H-how dream walking even works.”

“Okay,” Dean relented, trying to come up with a plan b. “Well, let’s go to a reservation. Let’s-let’s talk to a chief or a-a tribal leader.”

“Or… We talk to a dreamwalker,” Sam offered, showing Dean his tablet. “I hacked into Derek, the artist’s, email. He’s been corresponding with another dreamwalker for months. A girl named Kaia Nieves. He even tried to coach her, to teach her to control her power.”

“Alright. Where is she?”

* * *

“So,” Sam said when they pulled up to the rehab center, all four of them getting out of the car this time. “Kaia never knew her father. Her mother died when she was twelve. After that, her aunt took her in and  _ she  _ died, cancer.”

“Damn,” Dean and Charlie said at the same time.

“Yeah,” Sam agreed. “Been on her own ever since. Until her OD and arrest.”

“Bad hand,” Dean said, shaking his head. “It’s no wonder she ended up here.”

The group of hunters walked through the facility, asking if anyone’d seen Kaia. Some helpful residents pointed them in the right direction and they headed down a hallway, approaching a passed-out middle aged man and a busted door. Looking through the small window of the door, Dean saw Jack clutching a young woman by the arm.

“Jack!” he shouted, running through the door.

“Dean?” the nephilim asked, distracted long enough for the girl, presumably Kaia, to bag him in the nuts and punch him across the face before running away.

“She hit me!” Jack said, surprised but no worse for wear.

“Yeah, good,” Dean said as Sam helped him up.

“No, she’s getting away!” Jack cried, moving to go after her, but Dean stopped him.

“No, hey,” Dean pointed at him. “We’re not letting you near her until you tell us what’s going on!”

“I  _ need  _ her!” Jack insisted.

“Ok, perv,” Charlie scoffed, but stood back, letting people who weren’t smaller than the nephilim deal with him.

“You need her like you needed Derek?” Eileen asked. She had grown closer to the nephilim than anyone during their time in the bunker together and was very upset when she found out the painter had died by his hands.

“Yes!” Jack answered, looking each person in the face, suddenly deflating. “You… You don’t… I’m doing this for you.”

“Well you killed Derek for us!” Dean growled.

“Derek’s dead?” Jack asked, his voice sounding weak.

Eileen approached him, grabbing his arm. “You didn’t know?” she asked and Jack shook his head. “Tell us everything that happened.”

“I left to try and get a grip on my powers,” Jack said, launching into his story. “I wanted to prove to you that I’m good. To do one good thing. So I did the thing you wanted the most. I experimented opening doors to other worlds. I could almost do it. I could get right to the edge. But I couldn’t see, I could only feel around in the dark. I needed… eyes. A seer.”

“A dreamwalker,” Charlie breathed.

“Yeah,” Jack nodded. “So I researched like you taught me. That’s how I found Derek. I didn’t know if it would work. But it  _ did _ . He dreamwalked and I dreamed… In Apocalypse World. I could see what he saw. And I saw. And I saw her.”

“Her?” Sam asked.

“Your mother,” Jack said and the brothers exchanged a look. “She’s alive.”

Dean froze. “What?”

“But she’s in danger,” Jack informed them.

“What does that mean? What kind of danger?” Sam asked.

“It’s easier if I show you,” Jack told them, holding out his hands the same way Cas did when he showed Dean what really happened in Purgatory. 

Dean hesitated at first but after a movement, allowed the nephilim to touch him. A yellow surge of power rushed from the kid’s fingers and into Dean’s temple, and Dean could see everything. He saw an abandoned church in the deserted dry land, a broken crucifix on the wall above a busted alter. Behind the figurine he saw a rusty medieval torture device hanging from the ceiling, inside of it’s pointed traps was his mother, pale and tortured, her clothes in tatters, begging for help. Before he could even process what he saw, the connection was broken and Dean was back in their world again. 

“Mom,” he said, looking up at Sam.

“I got so close to her, I-I could have touched her...” Jack explained, but Dean wasn’t paying attention.  _ Mom was alive!  _ Mom was alive and he never even  _ tried  _ going after her. 

* * *

Sam got off the phone with the police. “Cops are looking for Kaia too. We’ve got to find her fast.”

“You were right,” Dean said, shaking his head. He was trying to pay attention to the road but it was getting harder and harder. Hell, her  _ birthday  _ was only a few days ago and she was trapped in that fucking place! And Dean couldn't even bring himself to get out of bed on that day. She’d turned thirty (or sixty-three depending on how you calculated it) and she’d spent the whole damn thing in a fucking torture device! “About Mom, you were right. This whole time we should have been looking for her.”

“Dean I was just hoping. I didn’t know,” Sam said. “And anyways, what matters is now that we do know-”

“We find her,” Dean said, taking his eyes off the road to look at his brother. “We find her, we find Cas, no matter what it takes.”

“Castiel is missing?” Jack asked from the backseat. He was sandwiched between Eileen and Charlie.

“Yeah kid. He’s… Something’s wrong. He might be possessed. We just don’t know what,” Dean told him. Jack didn’t say anything, just continued to look down at his hands. “Hey, you okay?”

After a moment, Jack spoke, “You thought… You all thought that I could do  _ that…  _ That I could kill Derek.”

“Jack, we um… We didn’t know what happened,” Sam admitted, speaking for all of them. “We figured, m-maybe it was an accident.”

“Like the security guard?” Jack asked, referring to the incident that made him freak out and leave in the first place.

“Yes, exactly like that,” Sam said. “Jack, we were worried ok? You know, when you disappeared you were in a dark place. And we didn’t know where you were going and-”

“We thought you were looking for your dad,” Dean said, cutting Sam off.

“You mean Lucifer? I was scared. I was upset. But… why would I look for him? He’s no one to me. You, Castiel, you’re my family.”

Dean nodded, the kid was right. Their family had grown by one. “Yes we are…” he said, looking at him through the rearview. “Finding Mom… You did a good thing, kid. You did a real good thing.”

Just then, Jack began clutching his temples, groaning loudly in pain. Dean slammed on the breaks while Charlie and Eileen tended to him, asking him what was wrong.

“That…” the nephilim said, gasping for breath but relaxing a bit as if the worst of it was over. “It was Angel Radio. They’ve got Kaia.”

* * *

They found Kaia tied to a chair in a warehouse, angel-douches guarding the premises. Using an angel as bait, Dean and his crew sauntered in.

Charlie found her courage and spoke first. “She’s right, you know. Your plan does kind of suck,” she said, a smirk on her lips. “Give us the girl.”

“She’s not what we want,” the angel guarding Kaia said before turning to the nephilim. “Jack, I don’t wanna hurt you. I wanna help you. You should be among your own kind.”

Jack looked at her. “My kind? The kind that kills people?! That kidnaps people?”

“You don’t belong with them,” angel bitch said. “Come with us. Come home.”

Jack looked towards his family. “I am home.”

Before Dean could react, the angel he was holding at blade-point threw his head back and knocked the hunter’s nose, causing him to stagger backwards. Quickly, Jack held out his hand as the angel who previously addressed him drew her blade. He sent out a wave of kinetic energy that caused her to fly through the air, crashing through a window at the back of the plant floor.

While Jack had his hands full with his angel, everyone else began fighting the other. Hunters struggled for possession of angel blades as the angel attempted to overpower the humans. 

Dean was knocked down by the angel and was just about to be stabbed by his blade when Jack turned and blasted the angel with another kinetic wave. This time, causing the angel to stab himself in the chest. 

“What was that?!” Kaia asked as Jack went to untie her.

“They were angels… Bad angels,” Jack explained to her as he freed her wrists.

“Angels?”

“Yes, and we’re hunters. We kill things like them,” Sam said.

“Right,” Kaia said in disbelief. “And he’s the son of Satan?”

She looked between Sam and Jack, who both shrugged.

“I am. Yes,” Jack said, looking up at her.

“You’re insane,” she muttered, as Sam and Jack helped her to her feet.

“Yeah, the whole world’s insane,” Dean said. “You get used to it.”

* * *

Much to everyone’s horror, through extensive force, and overuse of threats with his pistol, Dean managed to ‘convince’ Kaia to help them open a portal to Apocalypse World. They took her to an abandoned shipyard, where the walls between worlds were thin.

Jack helped Kaia find her way to Apocalypse World as the angels attempted to break the warding they put down, using some kind of angel blade maneuver Dean had never seen before. Right before the angels broke through, they were blasted into another universe, but when Dean, Sam, and Charlie woke up, Jack, Eileen, and Kaia weren’t with them. And they weren’t in Apocalypse World.

End of chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I never accounted for dinosaurs when I set out to write this but I guess I’ll see you guys in 2018 with an update after we get a few more episodes in. Also, I kinda unintentionally now ship Jack and Kaia, I don't know how it happened, it just did, so if the show doesn’t make this happen I’ll make Jaia a thing. I’m also kinda hoping that Kaia gets together with Claire on the show or something but since I already have Claire with Alex that obviously won’t happen in this.
> 
> Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season!


	48. Wayward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wayward Sisters!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god you guys! Wayward Sisters was AMAZING! I love Kaia/Claire so much and TOTES ship Dreamhunter. But, because I love Claire and Alex being together in my fic, I am planning on pairing Kaia with Jack instead. Unfortunately, we still do not have Cas back, which sucks, but I have a feeling he'll be in the next few episodes.
> 
> Half this chapter is written from Eileen's perspective, which was a bit different to write because I had to seriously consider how the hearing impaired live day to day and how Eileen would use her other senses to hunt. It was a lot of fun.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 48 - Wayward**

**Eileen:**

Eileen woke up in the back of an ambulance. She began to panic, not sure how she ended up there. Wasn’t she just with Sam and Dean trying to open a portal to Apocalypse World so they could rescue Mary? What happened to the angels who were after them? She moved her head to look around. Next to her was another stretcher containing Kaia, EMTs moved around the dreamwalker, checking her vitals.

There was no Sam in sight.

One of the EMTs - a woman with dark, kind looking eyes - noticed Eileen was awake and immediately came to her side.

Eileen read her lips, “Hey, it’s okay, we’re taking you to the hospital… You were, uh, found unconscious on the side of the road. Do you remember what happened?”

“No. No clue,” Eileen lied.

The woman smiled at her. “Well I’m sure it’ll come back to you. Temporary amnesia is very common after an accident.”

Eileen nodded, looking over at Kaia. “Is she okay?” she asked, looking back at the nurse for confirmation.

The nurse nodded. “Both of your vitals are fine but we really do need to bring you in, just to be safe. Do you have any friends or family you’d like us to call?” she asked, looking at Eileen with a slightly concerned expression.

“My fiancé,” Eileen looked down at her restrained legs. “My phone is in my back pocket.”

“Okay, as soon as we get to the hospital we can make a call, but for now, we would like to keep you restrained just in case something's wrong… Is there anyone else you would like us to call? In case we can’t get ahold of…?

“Sam,” Eileen answered.

The woman smiled again. “Sam. In case we can’t get ahold of Sam?”

Eileen thought about it for a moment. There was Sam and Dean’s hunting buddy, maybe she could even help them find a way back to Apocalypse World.

“Jody Mills,” Eileen told her. “She’s an old friend of Sam’s.”

* * *

At the hospital, they wheeled Eileen and a still-unconscious Kaia to through the ER, placing them both in a room that had two beds. Once Eileen and Kaia were both situated in bed, the EMT approached her again.

“We figured it would be easier to have you guys together,” the EMT explained. “That way you know she’s safe and so the hospital staff can treat the two of you together.”

Eileen nodded. “Thank you,” she said. “You’ve been so kind.”

The woman smiled. “Now, I’ll leave you in the hands of your nurse. She should be with you shortly,” the she said, nodding at her before she took her leave.

Eileen only had to wait a couple of minutes before the nurse came in. She took her and Kaia’s vitals, noting that the younger woman was close to waking up. She then asked Eileen if she remembered what happened. Again, she feigned innocence, stating that she couldn't remember a thing. Thankfully, the nurse didn’t press. When Eileen asked about her phone call, the nurse told her she could just call (or in her case, text) her emergency contact if she would like, and left the room to give her more privacy.

Once the nurse was gone, Eileen grabbed her phone from the wheeled end table where they had her stuff in a plastic bag. She unlocked the device and pulled up her messenger app, pulling up her most recent conversation with Sam and drafted him a message. If he didn’t answer her back within a couple of minutes, she figured she could have the nurse call him for her.

When the nurse returned, Sam still hadn’t answered.

“Still doing okay?” the nurse asked her, looking over the numbers on the machine behind her.

“Yes, thank you.”

“Were you able to get ahold of your boyfriend?”

“Fiancé,” Eileen corrected. “Uh, no. He hasn’t texted back. Do you mind calling him for me?” she asked, making a gesture towards her ear to indicate that this was something she herself couldn’t do.

The nurse smiled. “Of course honey, do you mind dialing his number for me?”

Eileen found Sam’s name in her contacts and clicked on it, handing her phone to the nurse. After a few moments, she shook her head.

“It went to voicemail. Want me to leave a message?”

Eileen shook her head. “Could you try Jody Mills?”

* * *

By the time Jody got to the hospital, Kaia was awake. She and Eileen were asked to stay overnight for observation but they were assured that besides minor concussions, both women were fine.

“What happened?” Jody askes as soon as the room was free of hospital staff.

“I’m not sure,” Eileen admitted. “We were trying to open a portal to another world, the one Mary’s trapped in, when something went wrong. Sam’s not answering his phone…”

“No, neither are Cas and Dean,” Jody said with a curse. “Do you think…?”

“That they are trapped in another world? It’s possible. Or, it’s just as likely they’re on the side of the road somewhere. Maybe they're being treated at another hospital?” Eileen mused.

Jody nodded. “I’ll see if I can put an APB out.”

Unfortunately the sheriff's search came up dry. No John Doe’s or anyone under rockstar aliases had been admitted in any hospitals in the state.

“Okay, change of plans,” Eileen said, peeling off her IV and grabbing her clothes. Kaia did the same.

With Jody at their heels, they left the hospital from a side door, both women wearing jackets over their hospital gowns.

Once outside, Jody turned towards the dumpsters. “What was that?” she asked.

Eileen, unable to hear any sounds, scanned the area around her. Her eye was drawn to movement to her left. She turned and saw a dark figure. It was crouched and it’s movements were unnatural. It was unlike anything she’d ever seen before.

Jody pulled a knife out of her coat and approached the creature, but it knocked her out of the way. It turned on Eileen and Kaia, both of whom were unarmed and insufficiently dressed. The air was cool against the exposed skin of Eileen’s backside as she inched away in fear. If only the hospital hadn't confiscated her weapons!

Thankfully, Jody was able to fire at the creature, sending a bullet through it’s leg. It went down to it’s knees in pain and Jody took action, quickly slicing through it’s jugular with her knife.

“What the fuck was that?!” Jody asked, panting for air.

Honestly, Eileen had no fucking clue.

* * *

After they’d gotten the creature loaded in Jody’s van, the sheriff called Claire and Alex for backup.

When the women arrived at Jody’s, they set up an operating table in the garage so they could get a closer look at the creature.

Patience, who had been staying with Jody for the past few days, observed from afar. She seemed grossed out by the whole affair, not that Eileen could blame her.

Kaia, still traumatized by recent events, stayed outside, far away from all the action. Claire offered to go check on her, leaving Jody, Alex, and Eileen to deal with the creature autopsy.

When Alex opened the body bag, Eileen noticed it appeared the creature was wearing some sort of mask and omitting a rather ripe smell.

Snapping on blue gloves, Alex began her work. She peeled the mask - or breather - off the creature’s face, leaving a trail of goo behind.

Just as Eileen was about to retch at the awful smell coming from its mouth/mandibles, Kaia and Claire returned, the blonde immediately moving to her fiancée’s side. Kaia awkwardly stood in in the back of the room near Patience.

Eileen turned to her. “Do you have any idea what this is?” she asked, and the girl’s eyes went wide. “It’s okay. You can tell us.”

“Uh, I’m a dreamwalker,” the girl explained to the group. “It means when I sleep I see another world… This other dimension.” She nodded at something someone must’ve said. “The Bad Place. It’s where that came from.” She looked towards the creature on the table. Eileen watched as Alex pulled apart it’s mandibles, exposing its mouth area below. It was disgusting.

Kaia must’ve said something else because Jody asked, “Okay, so how did this thing end up here?”

Eileen quickly positioned herself so she could watch both women. Kaia answered with a shrug.

“The door’s still open,” Claire said.

“That makes sense,” Eileen answered. “These things must’ve come through.” She looked at Kaia. “Do you think Sam and Dean are in the Bad Place?”

The girl shook her head but Claire nodded. “If we find it, we find Sam and Dean,” the blonde said.

“No,” Kaia said. “If they’re there, they’re already dead.”

Eileen felt her heart clench in her chest. “We can’t assume that,” the brunette hunter said. “They could still be alive.”

With that in mind, the group of them attempted to come up with a plan to get them back, but first, Jody needed help burying the creature in the backyard.

The two of them dug without making any sort of conversation, once the hole was deep enough, Jody put her hand on Eileen's arm.

"Hey," the sheriff said, offering her a small smile. "We'll find them."

"I hope you're right," Eileen said with a frown.

Alex came outside and offered to help Jody lower the creature into the grave, telling Eileen she could go back inside if she wanted to.

When Eileen came back in, she saw Claire talking to Kaia.

“Look, I’m flattered, I really am,” the blonde said, “but I’m engaged. And that isn’t changing any time soon.”

“Sorry…” Kaia said, fiddling with her jacket sleeves. “I guess I just thought we had kind of a moment.”

Claire shook her head. “I like you and all, you’re really cool, but I’m in love with Alex. There was no moment.”

Kaia nodded. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Didn’t mean to make things awkward.”

Eileen was the one who felt awkward for reading their conversation. She was just about to make her presence known when Patience ran through the front door.

“We have to go. Now,” the psychic said. “Those monsters, they’re coming. Lots of them.”

Kaia stood up. “They’re after me,” she said.

“Then we should stay and fight,” Claire said, standing as well.

“There’s too many,” Patience said, shaking her head. “They’ll kill us.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” said the blonde hunter.

Eileen saw movement out the corner of her eye and turned to see Alex and Jody enter the room.

The girls were still arguing.

“If those things are coming we need to get out of here,” Eileen said, grabbing her coat.

“Eileen’s right,” Jody said. “Grab what you need. We’ll meet in the driveway in five.”

* * *

Claire and Alex rode with Patience in her Jeep while Kaia and Eileen were in Jody’s police van, nobody feeling particularly chatty. Though, Jody did make a phone call, but Eileen didn't pay it any attention, choosing rather to give the sheriff her privacy. Once they were far enough away, the two vehicles pulled off to the side of the road and they all got out.

“Why are we stopping?” Patience asked.

“Takin’ a breather,” Jody said. “I called in some backup.”

“Like what? The National Guard?” the psychic asked.

“Oh, better,” Jody answered before everyone turned in the direction of the road.

A black truck pulled up next to them. The plates said D-Train, Eileen noticed. She recognized it as Donna’s vehicle.

“Yep,” Jody said, basically reading her mind. “She was working the night shift at the station so she’s a bit hyped on caffeine. Thankfully, I called and let her know to meet us here instead of going home.”

As if on cue, Donna stepped out of the truck. “Hiya, ladies,” she said with a wide grin.

Jody went in to give her fiancée a kiss, the women holding on to each other as if it'd been days since they last saw each other. Knowing their schedules, it probably had. Alex and Claire soon joined in on a group hug with the blonde sheriff.

After saying hi to Eileen and making introductions with the other women, Donna went to her truck and opened the back-hatch, revealing cases and cases of weapons. She even had a flamethrower!

After a small weapons introduction for the less experienced girls, Eileen, Jody, and Donna agreed that they would go scope out the shipyard before the younger women. Therefore, leaving Claire, Alex, Patience, and Kaia alone until they got back. With Claire being an experienced hunter, they knew she'd have no trouble fighting off any creatures that came their way,

When the three older women got to the shipyard, they went in with their weapons drawn. There was no saying just how many of those _things_ were in there. Before Eileen could even remember where to go, the two other women looked up at an open door on top of some stairs. The portal might have been emitting some sort of sound, because both Jody and Donna began heading towards it. Eileen followed them up and into the room where they’d held Kaia, inside, a portal glowed an orangy glow.

“There it is,” Eileen told them.

Jody tried to go through but Donna held her back, saying, “We’re gonna go back, right? You know, tell the girls?”

“I’m going in,” Jody said, her face stoic. “If I don’t she will.”

Eileen put her hand on her arm. “You can’t,” she said. “We don’t know what’s through there.”

Jody looked at her, her eyes glossy. “If something happens to Claire it will kill, Alex. I will not do that to my child.”

Watching Dean go through that very thing, Eileen understood completely. “I’ll go with you,” she offered and Jody nodded.

As both women walked towards the rift, Donna stopped them in their tracks. Jody pulled out her weapon and Eileen knew something was coming. She pulled out her own handgun and followed the other women into the hall. When they peeked into one of the rooms, she saw them, the creatures. They were slamming stuff around almost erratically.

They watched them for a couple minutes and hen the things left the room, the women followed them. But soon, they were ganged up on, the women firing at the creatures that were flanking them. But, there were more of them, too many for the three of them to take on. They had to make a retreat. Running towards the exit, they saw more file in from the front. Quickly, Eileen opened the door to an abandoned car and got in. Maybe they were attracted to movement like the T-Rex in Jurassic Park? Oh, but that turned out to false didn’t it? Either way, maybe they wouldn’t know they were in there. All three women piled into the car and crouched down low.

A creature began circling the car, hitting the windows every once in a while. Yeah, it probably knew they were there and was just taunting them.

“If we make a run for the truck, we’re dead,” Donna said to them.

“We stay here, we’re dead,” Jody said with a small shrug.

Donna nodded. “Alrighty then.”

Just then, the whole car shook and the roof dented in. It was on top of the car! Eileen shot through the roof, firing at the creature. Unfortunately, this alerted more of them to their location. Just as Jody was about to shoot one through the glass, it was doused in flames! When they scrambled out of the car to investigate, they were met by Claire, Alex, Kaia, and Patience. Claire was holding a lit flamethrower.

“I called, you didn’t answer,” the blonde told them as she doused the flames. “We worried.”

Eileen looked around herself, searching for the other creature, but it was nowhere to be found. When she looked back towards the women, Claire was running towards the portal room and Kaia and Jody were following her. Eileen ran after them.

When she caught up with them, Claire was reaching towards the portal, and Jody was attempting to stop her.

“Jody! I know you’re trying to protect me but I need to save Sam and Dean,” Claire said. “And you have to let me.”

Eileen didn’t catch what Jody said but she figured the woman wasn’t going to stop her. But, when Jody looked back towards the door to the room, Eileen knew something was coming, she aimed her gun towards the entrance and waited for whatever would come through. Out of her peripherals, Eileen saw both Claire and Kaia walk through the portal and disappear.

* * *

**Dean:**

Dean, Sam, and Charlie walked a few feet until they came across a wide hole in the ground.

Dean jumped down, landing in the dirt with a soft thud. “Where the hell are we?” he asked, looking around the strange forest. Or was it a jungle?

“Uh, Dean…” Sam said, stopping in his tracks.

“If you say you don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore I swear to god…”

“No. Look at what we’re standing in,” Sam said and Dean looked around himself.

At first glance it was just a large hole in the ground, but then Dean noticed the shape. It kinda looked like…

“Is that a footprint?” Dean asked, starting to freak out a bit due to the sheer size of the thing. “Are we standing in a fucking footprint?”

“Yeah. I, uh, I think so…” Sam stammered, brushing his hair back from his forehead.

“Holy shit!” Charlie said excitedly. “Dean, you know what this is right?”

Dean went to one of the toes, touching the dirt there curiously. “It kinda… It kinda looks like a dino print,” he said, swallowing down some fear that was bubbling up. “Oh god, are we stuck in, like, Jurassic Park or some shit?”

“If this is Jurassic Park I’m gonna flip my shit!” Charlie said, grinning wide despite their situation.

Sam shook his head. “It’s too big to be a dinosaur,” he said, looking around himself. “Besides, the shape’s all wrong.”

Dean scoffed. “Yeah, unless we’re in a world where there’s extra large t-rexes running around. Or maybe it’s some other kind of reptilian creature.”

“Avian, actually,” Sam corrected and Dean shot him a questioning look. “Dinosaurs are more closely related to birds than reptiles,” Sam explained.

“Yeah,” Charlie agreed. “Doctor Grant wrote a book about that. And even then the movie got it wrong. Did you know Velociraptors actually had feathers instead of scales?”

“Wow. Your nerdiness really does know no bounds,” Dean said, shaking his head at the both of them.

Sam gave him his best bitch-face. “Don’t tell me you, _Dean Winchester,_ didn’t go through a dinosaur phase.”

“Come on, Dean. You can’t just not like dinosaurs!” Charlie said, looking offended at the very idea of Dean not being a dino fan.

Did he like dinosaurs? Of course he did. Every little kid - or in this case grown-ass man - was at least a _little_ obsessed with dinosaurs. But Dean wasn't about to admit it.

“Shut up,” Dean said, climbing out of the hole. “Either way, we don’t want to be here when if it comes back.”

Suddenly, as if on cue, something large and dino-like rawred in the background, startling them both.

“Good thinking,” Sam agreed, scrambling out of the hole after him.

“It’s a good thing we set up Olive’s automatic feeder,” Charlie mused as she jogged beside them.

Shit. Hopefully someone back in their world would remember to go home and feed their fucking cat!

* * *

Three days later, Sam was still eating roots and berries. He claimed that the roots provided a sufficient amount of protein but Dean was skeptical. Charlie agreed, saying that’s where Katniss got her name.

Dean’d been catching and eating lizards for days, which Sam and Charlie flat out refused to eat. Right now, he had one on a spit over a fire. It was approaching evening and they’d have to find a tree or something to sleep in for the night.

Dean took a large bite of the reptile and grimaced at the gritty texture, spitting out the gross scaley bits.

Sam made a face when Dean offered him some. Dean was about to argue when Sam put up his hand. “Don’t tell me it tastes like chicken,” he said, flinching away from the cooked reptile.

“No, Sam, it’s a lizard,” Dean said around the bite in his mouth. “It tastes like a lizard.”

“Whatever, Big Boss,” Charlie said, making a repulsed face. "I'm still in a dream, Snake Eater!" she sang under her breath.

Dean, not getting the Metal Gear reference, shrugged and bit into the reptile again and Sam held back a gag.

“We really gotta get moving,” the younger Winchester said. “Keep looking for that door.”

“Yeah, if there is a door,” Dean said, ignoring the pain that formed in his chest whenever he thought about never seeing his husband again.

“Well, last time we opened one, it stayed open,” Sam said defensively.

“Yeah, for a few hours,” Dean retorted. “We’ve been here for what? Three days and change?” he said, trying to remember if it was morning or night when they’d come through. It was almost impossible to tell here. “I mean, look man, I hope you’re right. I really do. But if you’re not and we’re stuck her in this fucking MonsterLand? I mean, nobody back home even knows where to start looking for us.”

“Point, Dean?” Charlie sassed, Dean could tell she was getting a bit cranky. They all were.

“I’m sayin’ eat up,” Dean said, holding up the fire spit that the other lizards were roasting on.

Before Sam could so much as bitch-face, there was a roar in the distance, followed by thudding steps. If Dean had a glass of water it’d probably ripple like in Jurassic Park, further proving his dinosaur theory. Sam and Charlie still didn’t think it even _was_ a dinosaur, but frankly, nobody was prepared to find out.

“Shit,” Charlie breatherd, drawing her legs close to her body.

“That sound closer to you?” Dean asked, trying to pinpoint how far away the thing was.

“Yeah,” Sam answered. “Let’s get out of here,” he suggested and Dean agreed wholeheartedly, grabbing his dinner to eat as they fled.

He didn’t bother dowsing out the fire. After all, they were the only people here.

* * *

“This world sucks,” Dean said as they trudged through the underbrush.

“It’s not just a another world, it’s a another universe,” Charlie corrected. “Big difference.”

“Yeah, well, this universe sucks,” Dean reiterated, bending over to pick pine needles out of his boot.

Suddenly there was a rustling noise ahead of them.

“Uh, guys? What was that?” Sam asked, looking into the trees.

Dean felt someone behind him and turned around slowly. A small hooded figure was standing there, causing him to jump. Before he or the others could do anything, it attacked them with a staff, knocking them out.

When Dean woke up, he, Sam, and Charlie were tied to trees, Charlie already awake and panicking.

“Hey,” Dean said to her, gaining her attention. “We’ll get out of this, okay?”

Charlie nodded. She still looked a little freaked but Dean knew her head was in the game. He looked over at Sam who began to stir.

“Sam. Sammy,” Dean whisper-shouted, trying to get his brother’s attention without that thing knowing they were awake. “Hey.”

With a sharp inhale, Sam’s head snapped up. He immediately began struggling against his restraints. “What happened?” he grunted.

Before either Dean or Charlie had a chance to answer, that hooded figure appeared. It was feminine in shape and reminded Dean of Michonne’s first appearance on the Walking Dead, all mysterious and silent. It also kinda resembled Revan from the Knights of the Old Republic video game. Either way, it was intimidating.

“Hey! Yo!” Dean shouted at it. “Darth Dickwad!”

But the creature didn’t respond. Instead it went over to a large skull Dean couldn’t identify and hit it three times with it’s staff, emitting a large banging sound similar to a gong. And then it simply looked at them and walked away.

“What the hell?” Sam asked. “What was all that about?”

Just then, there was a roar in the distance, followed by a low growl.

Charlie inhaled sharply in a moment of shocked epiphany. “I think it just rang the dinner bell,” she said, hyperventilating as she began struggling against her restraints. “No way I’m gonna be dino chow!”

“God dammit,” Dean muttered as he attempted to untie himself. It was no use, his bonds wouldn’t budge. Before he could begin to panic, someone cut his restraints.

“Claire, what are you doing here?!” Charlie hissed.

What? Claire was here? Dean turned to look at his adopted-daughter. She had a scratch on her lip but other than that looked no worse for wear.

“We’re here to save your asses,” the blonde said as Kaia cut Sam free.

“What? How?” Sam asked as he rubbed his wrists.

“The door, it’s still open,” Claire explained.

“For now,” Kaia added.

Sam looked around. “Where’s Jack?”

“I think he’s in the other place with your mom,” Kaia told them.

The reunion was cut short by a loud growl.

“It’s time to go,” Claire said.

“Yeah, let’s GTFO,” Charlie said, grabbing Dean by the elbow and ushering him away.

They ran until they found the portal, but just before Kaia and Claire were about to go through, the dreamwalker shoved Claire down and stepped in front of her. A spear hit her in the stomach and she landed, hard, on the forest floor. Dean and Sam turned away from the heroic sacrifice and pulled out their angel blades, looking for whatever threw the attack. Ahead of them was the hooded figure.

“Guys!” Charlie shouted. She pointed into the fulliage.

Towering over them was some sort of large demon-like troll creature with red eyes. It was at least several stories high and must’ve been the source of their ‘dino prints.’ It roared at them, revealing massive crooked teeth.

Before they could move a muscle, Claire lunged at the hooded creature.

“No no no no! Claire!” Dean grabbed her, holding her back. “Come on, we gotta go! Go go go!” he nodded at Charlie to follow them through the portal.

They passed over Kaia’s body as he shoved Claire through the portal. He felt for her. It wasn’t easy to have someone sacrifice themselves for you. It pretty much sucked.

As soon as the four of them made it back into their own universe, the portal closed. Almost immediately, Alex was at Claire’s side.

“She’s dead because of me,” Claire cried into her fiancée’s shoulder. “She’s dead.”

Dean knew his adoptive daughter wasn’t going to be okay. He’d tell her she would, if she asked, but he knew that would be a lie. No, survivor’s guilt killed a person inside. It tore them up and made them feel like they were the ones who had died. This was something the young hunter would carry with her the rest of her life. She’d wear it like a scar. Over time, it would heal, but it never truly went away. Dean knew this better than anyone.

* * *

The following week was Claire’s 21st birthday. She had been staying at the bunker with them, Claire not really wanting to go back to her apartment just yet. Not that Dean could blame her. Alex had finals, but she promised she’d come back for the holidays. He almost forgot about Christmas in all the madness that’d gone down.

Dean knocked twice on Claire’s door before opening it, a move he always hated when anyone else did it to him. The young hunter was still in bed, Olive curled but beside her. The kitten could just sense when people were upset.

“Hey, birthday girl,” Dean said, sitting down on the side of her bed. “You wanted to do anything to celebrate your big day?

“No, I don’t,” she grumbled, burying her head deeper into the pillows and blankets.

Dean sighed and patted the foot that was sticking out of the covers. “Okay,” he said, getting up and placing the package he was holding onto her desk. Hopefully she’d see her gift and open it later.

Claire basically moped around the bunker until Christmas, her mood vastly improving when Alex came to visit on break. Dean watched the other couples enviously, becoming especially jealous when Jody and Donna came to visit. He missed Cas. None of their efforts to find him had panned out, nor could they figure out how to reopen the portal to Apocalypse World to find Jack or Mom either. Because of this, Dean put on a brave face that Christmas, but wasn’t really all that into it. Hell, he could barely recall what gifs he’d gotten or what they ate or even what kind of pie there was.

Even ringing in the new year didn’t feel all that meaningful or special without Cas and Mom. He knew that as much as 2017 sucked, 2018 was just going to be more of the same old shit.

End of chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I kinda skipped past another Christmas and New Years just to get the timeline caught up. Since several years have passed in this fic, I figured you guys already got your Christmas fluff.
> 
> Just so you know, waiting through a hiatus WAS NOT FUN so I will NOT be waiting through the summer hiatus between seasons 13 and 14 (if they decide to continue the show). I am going to wrap up my story shortly after season 13 wraps up (or sooner if things go in a direction I'm not satisfied with). I WILL give this thing a happy ending even if the show decides not to.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading <3


	49. You Betcha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakdown but with my cast of characters and added drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, no, Charlie can't apparate. For any of you who caught the embarrassing oops of her name being in Eileen's half of last chapter, she wasn't with the Wayward group. She was with Dean and Sam the whole time.
> 
> This chapter has a bit of Dean/Sam role reversal here. And, I'm adding Charlie and Eileen to the *cough* fun that was last episode.

**Chapter 49 - You Betcha**

_ Happy birthday to me,  _ Dean thought sarcastically as he lay in bed on the morning on his 39th birthday. He had everything a man nearing his 40s could want: a stable job, a home with family, kids, and a husband. Oh yeah, except he didn’t have all that because his husband was still MIA and one of his kids was missing in an alternate universe with his mother and the other was so devastated about the death of a friend that she had turned into a husk. And, all of this was supposed to be his  _ job  _ apparently.  _ He  _ was the one who had to fix this even though he himself felt too broken to even go through the motions anymore.  _ Him _ .

He flipped over so he wouldn’t have to keep staring at the empty space next on Cas's side of the bed, the memory foam long forgetting the shape of the man who used to lie there. But from that position he could see the picture he kept of him and his mother from when he was a little boy. Frustrated, he rolled on his back and stared up at the ceiling. 

Before he had a chance to fall asleep again, there was a knock at his door.

“Go away!” he grumbled, still staring at the same spot of spackling above him.

“Dean, it’s me,” Charlie’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door. “Can… Can I come in?”

When he didn’t say anything, Charlie tired the handle. Finding it was unlocked, she slowly pushed open the door and peeked inside.

“No offense, Charlie, but I don’t exactly feel like celebrating, okay?” Dean said, sitting up to look at her.

“That’s, uh, not why I came in here,” the redhead said, wringing her hands together.

Dean quirked an eyebrow, “Then what is it?”

“Donna called… Her niece is missing. The, uh, local cops aren’t having any luck finding her.”

Dean moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “I love Donna and all but that ain’t really our gig,” he said, looking away from Charlie.

“Well, too bad because Sam told her we’d leave in twenty,” she said before turning on her heels and slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Dean reluctantly put on pants and took a piss before meeting Sam, Eileen, and Charlie in the library.

Sam gave him Bitch Face #3, the one that said ‘really?’ but Dean ignored him. Eileen however, gave him a disgusted look as he brushed past him.

“Couldn’t have showered before we spend hours in a car with you?” she asked.

Dean responded to her in the only sign language he knew, flipping her off as he continued his path towards the garage. But Sam quickly caught up to him, forcefully spinning him around so he was looking his brother in the eyes.

“You will  _ not  _ treat my future  _ wife  _ that way Dean!” he growled. 

“Let go of me, Sammy,” Dean growled back, pulling away from his brother’s grip. “Eileen’s a big girl, she can fight her own battles.”

The brothers stared each other down before Dean shoved Sam with his shoulder and continued walking down his path.

The entire trip, nobody said a word to Dean. In fact, they barely said a word to each other. Sam listened to some podcast in the backseat while Eileen read her book. Charlie, although riding shotgun, kept to herself, choosing to play Pokemon Moon on her 3DS instead. Normally, she’d be complaining about how the game was nothing compared to older Pokemon games (Ruby being her personal favorite) but today she said nothing.

Once they arrived at the address Donna gave them, all four hunters exited the car to greet both her and Jody. Claire and Alex were nowhere to be seen. Dean doubted the sheriffs called them for this one now that Claire was actually at home rather than moping around the bunker.

They all exchanged hugs with the women.

“How’re you holding up?” Sam asked Donna.

“Oh, you know… Not great…” she admitted. “I’m sorry for calling you guys but Jody said we could use the backup and-”

“Hey, never apologize for calling us,” Sam said, giving her his sympathetic face.

“So, what do we know?” Eileen asked.

“Uh, staties found her car on the side of the road,” the blonde explained. “Signs of a struggle.”

“What was she doing out in the ass end of nowhere?” Dean asked.

“She was taking a gap year. It’s, like, this thing where-”

“Take a year off, run wild before you go to college?” Dean finished for her.

Donna nodded. “Mmhmm yeah,” she said, looking sad. “I used to tell her about how much fun I had when I did it. Well, Wendy thought that sounded like an adventure. She thought…”

Jody put her hand on her fiancée’s arm. “Donna, hey…” she said soothingly. “Baby it isn’t your fault.”

Donna nodded, blinking away tears. “I know… I just… I can’t help but think…”

“Hey,” Charlie told her. “Just focus on what you gotta do… That’s all you _can_ do.”

Donna nodded, giving her a small but grateful smile.

Dean, all business, excused himself and went into the impound station where they were holding Wendy’s car so he could talk to the locals. Sam and the girls stayed outside with Donna and Jody, likely to console them.

Inside, he found Wendy’s brown stickered up sedan on lifts. Upon further observation, he noticed a spike sticking out of her driver’s side tire. 

“Excuse me! Hey!” a man shouted and Dean straightened up. “What’re you doin’?”

A greying man in a suit approached him.

“Oh, I, um…” Dean stammered, reaching for his badge.

“I asked you a question son,” the man said, his voice condescending.

Son? Dean was almost forty!

“First off, I’m not your son,” Dean said, pulling out his badge. “Second…” he held the badge up so the man could see. “Agent Savage, FBI.”

“Oh, company man.” the guy said. “You should’ve told me.”

“Well, I didn’t get a chance,” Dean admitted with a shrug.

“Uh, huh,” he said. “And what field office are you out of? I’m just curious who I should call about you walking through my crime scene.”

Dean nodded, trying to come up with a plan. Hell, it was a miracle people didn’t ask that more often.

“I think we got off on the wrong foot,” Dean told him, flashing him a smile. “Uh, I’m not here on official business. The victim, she’s family. She’s my cousin so I’m just here to get some answers.”

Dean figured it wasn’t that much of a lie. Donna, afterall, was family. That extended to her niece.

“Oh,” the detective, or whoever he was, said. “I can respect that. Agent Clegg,” he said holding out his hand for Dean to shake. Oh… Agent? He must’ve been real FBI.

Dean took it, shaking it cordially. “A pleasure,” he said, charismatic even though he already hated the guy.

“Well, come on, I’ll fill you in,” Clegg said, gesturing for Dean to follow.

* * *

Back at the police station, Clegg showed all of them where they had found Wendy’s car using a map and a hotwheel.

He told them that state troopers got an anonymous tip that fit with the pattern of a serial killer he dubbed The Butterfly. Dumb name but it explained the butterfly shaped spike Dean found in the girl’s tire.

Apparently Clegg had been tracking the guy for the past twelve years. In all that time they never found the victims’ bodies.

“Look,” Clegg said, eyeballing the group of hunters. “Having you all here is not standard operating procedure. But if you wanna help, I could use it.”

Sam looked at Dean and the eldest Winchester shook his head. No. This was not their problem. He loved Donna, he did, but they had missing people too.

“Count us in,” Sam said and the rest of the group expressed their agreement.

Apparently, Dean was the odd man out on this one.

They got a motel, Dean agreeing to share a bed with Charlie and a room with lovebirds Sam and Eileen. He reluctantly pulled out his CB radio and began fiddling with the dials. Sure, nobody but truckers used those things anymore, but that was exactly what Dean was banking on. Truckers were like the maid in a horror film. They were great for eye-witness accounts. That, and the homeless. Those who kept out of the way and observed were the first people you should ask about this kind of shit.

Using trucker lingo, he was able to track down a lady who might have seen Windy before she went missing. He agreed to meet with her for coffee the next day to discuss what she saw.

After being threatened into taking a shower by Charlie, Dean plopped down on the bed beside her with a long sigh.

“This is stupid,” he said to nobody in particular.

“I’m sorry, what’s stupid?” the redhead asked, putting down her phone. Dean saw it was open to a fic on AO3… Nice.

“This whole thing!” he groaned. “I mean, the real feds are here, maybe we can just have them meet with this lady trucker. I did my part. I wanna go home.”

Sam scoffed at him. “You wanna go home and, what? Mope around until Cas magically falls into your lap?”

“No!” Dean said defensively. “I just think we shouldn’t be out here, man. I mean, we’re fugitives!”

“Yeah?” Sam said, eyebrow raised. “And they think we’re dead.”

“Do you really wanna get on the FBI’s radar again?” Dean asked, hitting his head against the wall behind him in frustration.

Charlie gave him a Sam worthy bitch face. “So, what do you wanna do Dean? Just go leave Donna and Jody to deal with this shit on their own?” She scoffed. “Some friend you are.”

“Hey!” Dean said, shooting her daggers with his eyes.

Eileen rose from where she was reading her book on the bed she and Sam were sharing and walked over to Dean, sitting on the edge of his bed. “Look, Dean, I know you’re in a dark place right now with Cas, and Jack, and your mom… But you have to keep your head in the game,” she said, patting his knee. “You can’t let this destroy you.”

“Dean…” Sam said, grabbing a beer from the mini fridge. “We’ll find them, okay?” he promised, passing the beer to his brother. “But right now, we have to be here for Donna. We have to.”

Dean popped open the cap and took a long drag. He wasn’t going to admit it but they were right. They all were.

* * *

The next morning, Sam and Eileen went to go chat with Clegg while Dean and Charlie met with the trucker chick over coffee. She told them that she saw Wendy twice. Once at a gas station/diner and a second time on the side of the road. She waved for help but the trucker didn’t stop because she was running late. She regretted it.

After thanking the trucker for her time and paying for her coffee, Dean and his ‘trainee’ Charlie went to the gas station where Wendy had filled up. Charlie pulled up the police records on her tablet, and found that a lot had gone down at the place recently, but nothing that screamed secret hunting ground. 

Getting out of Baby, Dean was stopped by a guy with a ragged beard and disheveled appearance asking to clean his windows.

“How 'bout a girl,” he said, pulling up Wendy’s picture on his phone and turning it so the guy could see. 

“You see her around here?” Charlie asked him, putting her hands on her hips in a way that screamed authority in combination with her pantsuit.

“May have,” the guy said nervously.

Dean handed him a crips one hundred dollar bill. “Keep talking.”

The guy looked around before taking the money. “S-she was in a couple nights ago. Marlon liked her. He’s the cashier,” he told them. “After she left he closed up early and drove off after her. Didn’t come back till dawn.”

Bingo. They found their guy.

* * *

Barging into the gas station, Dean held up his phone with the picture of Wendy in her graduation robes.

“Where is she?” he asked Marlon.

“Mmm,” the guy said as if he were looking at a slice of pie instead of an actual human woman. He smirked. “I don’t know.”

Um, wow. Creep.

Dean slammed his head on the counter. “Try again,” he warned him, lifting the guy so he could give him an intimidating look.

“I said I don’t-”

Dean slammed him down again and Charlie approached the counter, crouching down low so she could talk to the scumbag.

“Look, douchenozzle. We know you saw her,” she hissed, her voice dripping in anger. “And we know you followed her. So… Where is she?!”

The guy gulped down his fear. “You won’t believe it,” he told them.

“Try me,” Dean growled, letting Marlon go.

The cashier scrambled to quickly close the blinds and flip the open sign off. He lit up the closed sign before pulling his laptop out from behind the counter and typing in a web address. When he logged in, there was an image of a tied up man, bloodied and beaten. Dean realized it was a live video. To the side, there was a chat bar where people were commenting like crazy. At the bottom of the screen, it listed the guys stats and there was a money counter and a timer. They were bidding on him like some sort of fukced up Dexter Ebay. No, Dean looked at what people were commenting. It wasn’t Dexter, it was Hannibal. They were bidding on his body parts so they could eat him.

* * *

He called Sam and asked him and the girls to come quick. He didn’t want to tell him over the phone, but he worried Wendy would be next. Donna’s niece was about to be monster take-out.

With Charlie’s help, they were able to crack the servers and figure out where Wendy was being held.

They drove to the - you guessed it - abandoned warehouse as fast as Baby’s wheels would take them, Donna and Jody following close behind with Marlon who they were holding hostage.

Charlie stayed back to watch Marlon while the rest of them split up to search for Wendy. They had twenty minutes. In that time, not only did Charlie manage to get turned into a vampire by none other than skeevy Marlon himself, but Sam and Eileen got snatched by the Butterfly and put up for auction. It turned out, the website filmed out of multiple locations and that Wendy wasn’t at this particular warehouse, though it was where the last guy was chopped to pieces.

Once they’d taken care of Marlon, Dean mixed the ingredients to turn Charlie back into a human. She’d be better in a couple hours. They kept her in Baby while Dean, Donna, and Jody stormed the warehouse where Sam, Eileen, and Wendy were being held. 

It turned out Clegg was the butterfly all along.

* * *

Once Wendy was safe and sound and Clegg was dead and in Purgatory, they said goodbye to Donna and Jody and headed back to Lebanon.

Charlie woke up with a start an hour outside town.

“How you doing kiddo?” Dean asked her. “Wanna bite any of us?”

“Uh, no… Not really feeling like a manwich right now…” she said, grabbing her head. “I… I went full Dracula, didn’t I?”

“Yup, but you’re okay now,” Dean assured her, patting her thigh.

“Please at least tell me I didn’t sparkle,” the redhead said, leaning her head against the cool window pane. “God, my head feels like the Rebels just blew up the Death Star.”

“I take it you’re the Death Star in this scenario?” Dean asked with a chuckle and Charlie made some sort of affirmative noise before drifting back off to sleep.

Once they were sure she wouldn’t overhear, Sam leaned forward so that Eileen couldn’t read his lips, not that she would. She was reading her book and probably figured it was a private conversation.

“Okay, spill,” Sam said.

“I’m sorry?”

“Dude, what’s been up with you lately? I know it’s not just-just anxiety or something about only having one more year in your thirties or some bullshit like that, so don’t even try-”

“I wasn’t gonna!”

“Then… What is it, Dean? Is it Cas because-”

“Of course it’s Cas!” Dean said, trying not to shout. “And Mom, and Jack, and Kaia… I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Sam, but everyone around us tends to get hurt-” He pointed to Charlie. “-or worse!”

“Dean, listen-”

“No, Sam, you listen. When has knowing us ever worked out... for anyone?” Dean said, trying to keep his eyes on the road.

“We save people, Dean.”

“Yeah, and we also get people killed. I-I mean for all we know, Cas is…” He shook his head, attempting to clear it of images of his husband’s dead body lying on that beach. Burning in that pyre.

Sam sighed. “Look, I know you’re-”

“No no no no no no,” Dean cut him off. “I know you and Eileen think I’m in some sort of ‘dark place’ but I’m not. Everything I’m saying is the  _ truth  _ Sam! It’s our  _ lives _ . And, look, I tried to pretend it didn’t have to be. That I could just have some  _ semblance  _ of this ‘apple pie’ life I was playing at but I can’t. That shit just doesn’t work out of guys like us…” He looked at his brother. “This ends one way for us, Sam. It ends bloody… It ends bad.”

End of chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this episode was AMAZING but it also really really freaked me out because it was SO fucked up. It was a refreshing change in pace, and brought to light that there are still monsters out there that maybe the Wayward Sisters can stop, so that’s great for the spin-off. But yeah, it was highly disturbing. Made me sick to my stomach at times so I kinda *ahem* skipped through those parts. Sorry.
> 
> OMG next episode should be AMAZING! We get Cas back! We get Rowena back! Dean is put under a love potion! I can't wait!!!


	50. Sasstiel (Not Sastiel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Cas and Lucifer buddy comedy of sorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Fall Out Boy - Just One Yesterday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GplEYRGTRfM)
> 
> This chapter is entirely from Cas’s POV. It is assumed the reader KNOWS why Cas is in prison with Lucifer. I loved the Dean and Sam plot, just that I don’t think it’s exactly relevant to my fic (except what Rowena might be up to, but the boys don’t really know that yet).

**Chapter 50 - Sasstiel (Not Sastiel)**

  _I thought of angels_

_Choking on their halos_

_Get them drunk on rose water_

 

_See how dirty I can get them_

_Pulling out their fragile teeth_

_And clip their tiny wings_

 

_Anything you say can and will be held against you_

_So only say my name_

_It will be held against you_

_Anything you say can and will be held against you_

_So only say my name_

 

_If heaven’s grief brings hell’s rain_

_Then I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday_

_(I know I’m bad news)_

_For just one yesterday_

_(I saved it all for you)_

_I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way_

_Still I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday_

_(I know I’m bad news)_

_For just one yesterday_

_(I saved it all for you)_

_For just one yesterday_

 

_Letting people down is my thing baby_

_Find yourself a new gig_

_This town ain’t big enough for two of us_

 

_I don’t have the right name_

_Or the right looks_

_But I have twice the heart_

 

_If I spilled my guts_

_The world would never look at you the same way_

_And I’m here to give you all of my love_

_So I can watch your face as I take it all away_

* * *

Cas was sitting in the dark dusty cell, his hands folded in his lap. It had been weeks and Dean still had no idea where he was. His husband had to know something was wrong, how couldn’t he? But there was no way in Heaven or Earth the hunter would be able to find him. He sighed and leaned his head back, hitting it against the brick wall behind him. Oh, yeah, and there was that other minor issue of him sharing his time in incarceration with none other than Lucifer himself.

Cas heard footsteps approaching and sat up straight. Whatever demon was on patrol would not see his weakness. As the demon passed by his cell, angel blade in his hand, he and Cas stared at one another, Cas following him with his eyes, unwilling to break eye contact until the creature passed.

The demon stopped at the next cell over, peering inside at the devil within.

Cas couldn't see what was happening but he could infer when he heard the demon mock, “Huh, I always thought you’d have a… bigger stick."

“What’s your name again?” Lucifer asked, and just knew his face was plastered with his signature cocky grin.

“They call me Dipper,” the demon answered.

Lucifer laughed, a fake condescending sound. “And you let them,” he said. It wasn’t a question. “Listen, Dipper… It’s not the size of the stick, it’s how you use it.”

“Funniest thing… I’m always hearing that from guys with _little sticks,”_ the demon jeered.

Lucifer again laughed sarcastically and Cas heard him clang against the warded bars of his cell. The smell of burning flesh and grunting traveled to Castiel’s cell, and he knew the devil was being electrocuted.

The demon laughed and said, “Smooth,” at Lucifer’s misfortune. “We gave the wardign a little kick. Just for you.”

“Thanks,” the devil answered sardonically. “So considerate. Appreciate that a lot...” The demon walked away and Lucifer called, “You’re not nice! And I don’t like you!” after him. Even Cas he was sure the demon could no longer hear him, the devil continued to shout, “You treat me like an everyday angel, and if had just a little more power I could tear this place apart! Just sayin’.”

Cas heard him sigh and touch the bars again, a small electric sound followed a sharp intake of breath. The devil was once again electrocuted by his own prison, and Cas couldn’t help but laugh.

“You don’t have that power and they know it,” he told the devil with as much sass as he could muster.

Cas was, as Dean would say, getting real tired of his shit.

“Okay, well, if somebody would be a pal and let me eat a little of his grace I would have enough strength to get out of here and butcher that SON OF A BITCH!” Lucifer yelled the last part towards the demon who was surely no longer listening.

“Well, that’s a nice _horrifying_ plan,” Cas snarked. “Little cannibalism.”

“Really?” the devil asked, amused. “I seem to remember a somebody snacking on angel grace once upon a time… There is no ‘I’ in ‘team,’ Castiel. I want you to remember that.” Cas laughed to himself at Lucifer’s useless attempts to intimidate him. He had no leg to stand on and he knew it. “Fine, whatever. I can wait,” he said when Cas didn’t respond. Deciding to fill Cas’s silance with the sound of his own voice, he began waxing nostalgic. “Asmodeus was my weakest creation.”

“Oh he was, was he?” Cas asked, unable to keep his mouth shut. “Doesn’t seem that weak to me.”

“Yeah yeah. That whole… shape shifty thing he does? I didn’t give him that,” Lucifer admitted. “But so what? The old dog’s learned some new tricks. Eventually he’s gonna mess up. Then he’s mine, okay?”

“Excuses aside… You’re saying that you’re too weak to overcome even your weakest creation,” Cas informed him, lacing on the sarcasm.

The devil paused for a second. A single, “Shut up,” escaped his lips and Cas smiled. The Prince of Darkness was all bark and no bite.

He was a far cry from the terror that had once plagued Castiel day and night. A far cry from the devil that once possessed his body and broke his spirit.

This was made very clear when a few hours later, Cas was awoken from his meditations by Lucifer shakily saying the word, “Rise,” over and over.

The patrol demon, Dipper, walked past their cells again, stopping in front of Cas this time.

“Don’t think we forgot about you,” he informed the angel. “When the boss gets back, _big_ plans for you.”

Cas imagined those big plans involved taking his form and tricking the Winchesters. Not that Dean would be dumb enough to fall for that twice. Asmodeus already tried that with the prophet Donatello, according to Dean.

Rather than saying anything, Cas calmly stared at the demon. The creature chuckled and moved to walk away, until Lucifer opened his big, stupid, mouth.

“Oh, does he have big plans?” he scoffed. “Hey, what’s that gonna be like when Michael gets here and, oh yeah, murders us all!”

Cas rolled his eyes. The rift was closed there was no way Michael could find his way to their universe.

“Right, _if_ he gets here,” the angel muttered.

“There’s no ‘if’ here in this equation, okay?” Lucifer said, growing irritated. “Let me- let me just tell you something, about my dick brother. About every version of my dick brother, oaky. When he decides to do something, he does it. Doesn’t matter what the cost or who has to die. It is gonna happen, ‘cause that’s just the way he rolls.”

He had a point. “If you’re right then how much time do we have?” Cas asked, not that he trusted a word he was saying, of course. It just paid to be cautious.

“How much time? Oh, I guess that depends on how much time he spends torturing Mary Winchester,” Lucifer said and Cas bristled at the mentioning of his mother in law. “He liked her, right? Oh, Cas, you should’ve seen it… I mean, the things he did to her. In all my time in Hell, I have never seen anything that horrible. Just… Oh!”

Cas felt the white hot anger building in his gut. “Stop, I don’t wanna hear any more of your lies,” he growled.

“Oh, this coming from the angel who almost has me beat in that department. And that’s saying a lot, pal.”

“Well, you always say a lot,” Cas snarled.

“Okay, let’s face it, Cassandra,” the devil said. “The truths I say hurt ‘cause they’re hard to swallow, so people call ‘em lies. Go figure.”

Cas would not listen to his filth. He stood up. “You want truth?” he asked. “How ‘bout I tell you a few truths about your son?”

“Did you just have an angel stroke?”

Cas ignored him, continuing, “Did you know he loves movies?” he asked, smiling fondly at the memory of Dean and Jack debating which Star Wars film was the best. In the time between Cas’s resurrection and when Jack ran away after their trip to Dodge city, Cas had gotten to know the nephilim quite well. They bonded over the little intricacies of humanity they didn’t quite understand. Cas was going to let the devil know just what sort of man his son was. “Fantasy movies. Movies with heroes who _crush_ villains.”

Lucifer soffed, “Well, that- that’s nurture. That’s not nature,” he stammered, and Cas could tell he was losing his faux confident persona.

“And he’s thoughtful,” Cas continued. “He’s emotional. Remarkably intuitive. You know, he, uh, he resurrected me just out of instinct.” That wasn’t entirely true. Jack could sense Dean’s pain and reached out to Cas in the Empty. But it was Jack’s voice, his connection to Cas that first woke him up. As for getting out of the Empty, well, Cas annoyed a cosmic being into releasing him. He continued, “Isn’t that a beautiful gesture?”

“Yeah, that’s, uh, that’s beautiful,” the devil said and Cas could hear him pacing.

“Jack would rather kill you than hug you,” Cas told him, having received a hug from the young man himself. In fact, the nephilim viewed _Castiel_ as his father, not Lucifer. It was one of the first things he knew for certain upon being born, that he had to find his father, that he had to find Castiel. “Did you know that he doesn’t even really look like you? And he reminds me so much of his mother… In fact, he looks a little bit like _me_ . As if he chose _my_ form instead of _yours.”_

“Wow,” Lucifer breathed, inhaling sharply.

Cas felt the magic before he heard it. Lucifer moved something with his powers. Something small, but something nonetheless.

“I did it,” Lucifer said in awe. “I moved the stick! Woo!”

“Don’t celebrate just yet,” Cas chided. “And keep it down.”

The devil took a calming breath. “Alright, alright…” a smile was on his voice. “Make me angry. Just say whatever rude snarky things your jealous brain was coming up with before, and I’ll see if I can move it again.”

Of course, anger. Anger was increasing his power. “Uh… You are stupid and unloved and you deserve the hatred of millions.”

“Come on, Cas! Go deeper! Make me really seethe with rage!”

Cas thought for a second. Maybe he could be defiant enough to elicit real anger from the devil. “No,” he said, crossing his arm though he knew nobody could see him.

“What do you mean, no?”

“I mean, I will not help you. What makes you think I'm stupid enough to trust your plan?”

“Castiel…” the devil spat and Cas felt the surge of energy again. “Ah, I see what you did there. Keep it up. Maybe if I hold in the desire to wring your neck _just_ long enough, I can kick Dipper’s dank demon ass instead. Much more productive… Oh, and be loud about it, lure numbnuts into our little game of Demon Trap.”

“Uh, you were God’s least favorite!” he said loudly. “He should have thrown you in that Cage at the moment of your birth!”

“Yes, keep going.”

“Face it. You are useless and impotent and necessary, and you will die alone! Unmourned,” Cas was seated on the bench near the back of his cage. He could hear Dipper approaching, clearly taking the bait.

“You talking to me, pretty boy?” the demon asked.

Cas pointed to the other cage and Lucifer answered, “No, he’s talking to me.”

Dipper sauntered over to the devil. “Yeah, well, he does have a point… Aww, did you lose your little stick?”

“I did,” Lucifer said, faux-glee in his voice before he pulled Dipper towards his cage. Cas could just see the demon struggling to break free.

Electricity crackled and the demon asked, “How... did you?”

“Turns out rage is a good motivator,” the devil spat. “And I think you forgot something. I’m Lucifer,” he said before stabbing the demon in the throat with his stick. “Told you size didn’t matter.”

“You…” Dipper panted, backing away from the cage.

Castiel heard the gate swing open. “Whoops,” Lucifer said and that was Cas’s cue.

He snuck out of his own cell while Dipper was distracted and stood behind the demon.

“Someone got mad and broke his warding,” Cas said and Dipper spun around, a true look of fear in his eyes as he clutched the wound on his neck.

Before he had a chance to run or fight back, Cas reached up and put his palm on the demon’s head, focusing his power. Dipper screamed and his eyes and mouth glowed as Cas smote him. When he was void of life, the empty vessel fell to the floor, with a loud thud.

This, of course, alerted other demons. Lucifer quickly grabbed Dipper's angel blade as footsteps rang down the hall. Four other demons appeared, all armed with angel blades of their own.

“Good times,” Lucifer muttered as he and Cas stared them down.

Unarmed, Cas had to rely on the devil to disarm and kill one of the demons before Cas could grab a blade for himself. He held out the best he could, dodging attacks. He did not like to have to depend on Lucifer, but he needed him to get home to Dean.

Once the devil defeated one of the demons, Cas quickly grabbed for the fallen blade. Now he was in his element. He twirled the familiar weapon in his hand and set off to fight one of the other demons that was coming at them.

Together, he and Lucifer made quick work of the demonic guards. Once that was through, they made their way outside. Lucifer stopped to catch his breath and Cas began pacing,

“There’ll be more of them coming,” he told the devil.

“You know…” Lucifer painted. “This would be so much easier, if I were stronger.” He approached Cas from behind and the angel immediately tensed up. “Hint, hint, hint.” Cas turned around to face him and the devil threw his arms in the air. “Oh, come on, Castiel, we just fought side by side mano e’ mano. You gotta trust me now, man. Come on.”

“Oh I trusted you. When we fought the Darkness, and then you betrayed us,” Cas reminded him. "And I trusted-”

He was cut off when the devil lunged forward, his eyes glowing his signature red. He sliced into the flesh of Castiel’s rib, and the angel hissed. Taking a step back. Grace weeped through the wound as he clutched his side.

They began circling each other. “Fool me once…” Cas growled.

“I promise to leave you a litte. Come one,” Lucifer begged.

Both were breathing heavy with exertion when Cas lunged forward and stabbed the archangel below the ribs with his blade. The devil grunted as Cas pushed in deeper. His eyes flickered from satanic red to human blue but Cas didn’t notice.

“This is me, learning from my mistakes,” Cas whispered in his ear before he pulled the blade from his flesh.

End of chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am almost 100% sure this is OUR Cas so if that changes on the show, I will continue with the canon I set up rather than trying to retcon or anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a kudos or a comment if you liked it and feel free to bookmark or share <3  
> Because this is a WIP, and because I don't have a beta, there will occasionally be errors. I am trying to fix all of them before my final posting, but a few may still slip through the cracks.
> 
> ~ CarasaurusWrex xoxo
> 
> PS: Follow me on [ Tumblr](http://carasauruswrex.tumblr.com/) and/or [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/CasasaurusWrex) for updates and news about future fics!
> 
> PPS: Please check out my other fics [All-American Boy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13196649/chapters/30186990) and [Find My Bluebird (Ramble On)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11535201/chapters/25897560) in between postings!
> 
> I never EVER abandon a fic, so be patient :)


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